Caution lol- Adult Debate

Karen - posted on 06/02/2011 ( 54 moms have responded )

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This is a debate on threesomes, swinging, ect..when you are a parent. I have quite a few friends who have done this (when kids were not around). Some of them only tried 1 time and hated it and others continue. There are all kinds of shows on tv late at night about it as well. Couples, partners, married couples, who have this type of open relationship. To me it feels like a taboo type idea (personally), but I don't have anything against anyone who does. This is strictly just a debate to see everyone's views on this. My husband has asked for a threesome years ago and it never upset me but I could never agree. Now he's trying for all the other options. It still doesn't upset me or have me worried. He's very trustworthy (to keep it short). Still don't think I can agree to do anything though. i'm even embarrased about asking this question that's how modest I am lol. But would like everyone's opinions.

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Rosie - posted on 06/02/2011

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i agree with krista. it's not my cup o tea, but hey if you can do it without problems, good on you. i do think more often than not that both people really aren't ready for it, and it will end up causing major problems.

Krista - posted on 06/02/2011

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So if it's just a fantasy, then you could incorporate that without actually doing the deed. Talk about it during sex, about how hot it would be, etc. etc. Or watch movies of it, and pretend that you're in on the action. That way, he gets to indulge his fantasy a bit, but you aren't actually bringing other people into the relationship.

Besides, the fantasy of it often winds up being sexier than the reality anyway. It's fun to fantasize that my husband and I are being watched. But would I want that in real life? Gad, no!!!

Karen - posted on 06/02/2011

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that's exactly how i feel. I would be one to feel too awkward to go along with it. But could trust him to keep emotions out of it. we are both very open in talking about it and I can tell when he is feeling romantic and when he is not feeling romantic during our one/one. I believe it's natural for men to seperate their emotions like that. So from talking to him I know it's just a fantasy and hes not looking for a reason to cheat.

Krista - posted on 06/02/2011

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I think that anytime a couple brings a third (or fourth, or seventh) party into a relationship, it's a bit of a landmine, to say the least.

It seems that there is often one half of the couple who is very keen on it (Spouse A, we'll say), while the other (Spouse B) is sort of going along to be a good sport. And in those cases, it can get awkward very fast. B might feel that A is more attracted to the other parties and get jealous. A might resent B for not being more enthusiastic. B might resent A for constantly bringing up the subject.

It's complicated enough as it is. And then when you have kids in the equation, it makes it more complicated. Obviously, it should not be done when the kids are around. But even if it's not, it just seems to me like it is taking a fairly serious risk with the relationship. And if you don't have kids, risk your relationship all you like -- that's your business. But if you DO have kids, then you have to think of them as well.

Now, if both A and B are equally enthused, and communicate well and OFTEN with each other about these things, and everybody's on the same page and is happy, then hey...fill your boots. But (and I could be wrong), I think that when it works really well, that's the exception, not the rule.

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