child care frustrations

Vegemite - posted on 03/16/2011 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I had a conversation with a girl I know about childcare and who should and shouldn't send their kids. She said that mums who don't work in paid work should not send their kids and only do because they want to bludge while someone else looks after their kids. While mums who have to work can't get spots for their children and then miss out on work and the pay they need to help support their family.

I told her I send both my kids to child care even though i don't get paid to work but we have a business and if i worked somewhere else doing the same hours getting paid wouldn't that be the same. She said no because i could hire someone to work. But we can't afford the wages. They go two days a week to a private childcare center. My oldest started going at 22 months just after my youngest was born then the youngest started going at13 months. I originally started sending the oldest because i had depression during pregnancy and after baby was born and just having the break of only one child two days did wonders. Then when they both started it help even more. We applied to many child care centers in our area and it only took a few weeks to get in. If a mum who works needs a spot that my kids fill then my children get moved to a different day, it's the policy of the center that mums who work get priority.



She also said she had only applied to a couple of centers 5 months before she had to get back to work. I asked her if she thought that that was the reason she didn't get a spot, because she didn't apply to enough centers. She said that she only liked two places and wouldn't apply anywhere else and mums who don't work should keep their kids at home.



I told her my boys loved going and learn a lot of things as well as how to interact with other children. Her response was that you don't need child care for that that's what play groups are for. I told I'd tried play groups but couldn't find one where i enjoyed to company of the mums and thought it pointless to cook for the meetings and sit around gossiping about how terrible their privileged lives were and any mothers that didn't show up that week. She told me that my attitude was selfish because i wasn't there for me but so my kids could play with other children. She then proceeded to lecture me on how her tax dollar pays for my kids to go. I told her i wasn't eligible for payments and she insisted everyone was. But we pay more tax in GST than the average yearly wage there for the government considers that we earn too much not thinking that what we earn must go back into the business and at the end of the day we have what any average family does.



She still insists that I'm selfish and just want two days off the bludge and that she and her family are missing out because of that.



What do you all think about this? She has made me completely furious with her. I haven't talked to her since because I don't want to speak badly out of anger towords her.

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Bonnie - posted on 03/16/2011

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I think your friend needs to get off her high horse!
I have no help with my son & the few friends with children live hours away, making it near impossible for us to catch up (none of us drive), so childcare is the ONLY way my son gets to interact with other children! The only playgroup that is accessible to us has a waiting list so long that I hold no hopes of us getting a place before my son starts school next year, & I put our name down over a year ago!
I am also going back to study at the end of the month. My course runs 4 days a week so without childcare I wouldn't be able to enrol, & without this course I highly doubt I will ever get a job (I had my son when I was 19yrs old so have no previous experience).
Would this woman rather I keep my son home & spend the rest of my life on Government benefits, just so she can have a place, or would she prefer I put my son in care, study, & eventually get a job instead of living off of tax payer's money? She can't have it both ways which, from the sound of it, is exactly what she wants! Some people need a dose of reality.

As to your childcare centre's policy, Australian policy for childcare placement priority is:

Priority 1
A child at risk of serious abuse or neglect

Priority 2
A child of a single parent who satisfies, or of parents who both satisfy the work/training/study test under section 14 of the A New Tax System (Family Assistance) Act 1999.

Priority 3
Within these main categories priority should be given to the following children.

Children in Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander families.
Children in families which include a disabled person.
Children in families on low incomes.
Children in families from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds.
Children in socially isolated families.
Children of single parents.


By law if you run a business that you pay tax for, you have an income. Whether or not you actually do is irrelevant so, from what you've said, you would come under P2, the same as the woman who is forcing her narrow minded opinions on you.

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22 Comments

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Vegemite - posted on 03/16/2011

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I love the way we say wanker too. I just sounds better with an Aussie accent.

Vegemite - posted on 03/16/2011

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hahah Jenn to bludge or be a bludger is to be lazy do nothing and expect others to pay for it. I do sometimes do nothing, I love the movies so sometimes i'll go and see two movies have lunch at a restaurant in between. We have a nice restaurant area that all do cheap lunch specials and the movies are only $6 a pop, I love having time alone and it makes for a cheap indulgence once in a while and i certainly don't do that often. I also get to have my hair cut with out children hanging off me once every 3 months. If that's being a bludger then oh well i guess i'm a bludger.

Lady Heather - posted on 03/16/2011

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I'm definitely sending my daughter to daycare once a week after the new baby arrives. She isn't old enough for preschool yet but I want one day a week for just me and baby to do baby things and yes - have just one for a break. I don't see what's wrong with that. We all need to stay sane.

Rosie - posted on 03/16/2011

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like erin, if someone was doing it everyday and they didn't work i would raise my eyebrow, but realize i don't know the reasoning why so i shouldn't judge. however, you do have a business, it's not everyday, and she can kiss your lily white ass!!!! she's being an obnoxious wanker (i've always wanted to use that word, lol).

Becky - posted on 03/16/2011

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Your friend sounds rather narrow-minded to me! For one, every mom needs a break now and then. If a SAHM chooses to get that break by putting her child in daycare a couple days a week, there's nothing wrong with that! Like you and others mentioned, the social interaction is good for the child. And I don't see how it's any different from sending your child to preschool. Should SAHM's not do that either? I actually think putting your child in some sort of childcare one or 2 days a week is a great idea. It allows you to run errands that it's hard to take kids to, attend appointments, and if you want to just sit around and watch soaps all day without anyone tugging on you, well, there's nothing wrong with that once in a while! We all need those mental health breaks! (Not trying to say that's what you do, but it's what I'd probably do some days!)
Your friend needs to worry more about why she can`t put the effort into finding good childcare for her child and less about what you`re doing with yours!

Bonnie - posted on 03/16/2011

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Don't listen to what other people say. Some people just don't know how to bud out of other people's business. It is your children and your money. You decide what you want to do. If it gives you that much needed break and your boys much needed socialization and enjoyment, then why change something that is working for you. Some people are so ignorant.

Jenn - posted on 03/16/2011

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Unless she's referring to the Universal Child Care benefit, your friend has no clue about who qualifies for assistance. And the UCCB goes to everyone regardless of income, but has nothing to do with whether or not your child actually goes to daycare. I'm a bit confused about the GST comment - if you are doing the books properly and keeping accounts for everything, it should show the bottom line of the business, and that would be what the gov't looks at for income. Why would you be paying so much in GST? As a business wouldn't you be able to submit that in and get it refunded? Maybe not - it's been a while since I've studied the ins and outs of business. Anyway, as for the OP - I think it's entirely up to the parent what they want to do, and if they can afford it then go for it. I personally wouldn't, and may wonder why a SAHM would, but it's not really my business and who knows the possible reasons why. But I do have a question - what the hell is bludge?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/16/2011

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I think your friend is being a bit of a bitch.....I have no problem speaking badly about her for you ;)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/16/2011

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I do agree that if you are a SAHM, sending the kid to full time day care is a bit much...but doing 2 days a week for a couple of hours would be fine...even 3 days. I was going to send my son, becouse he had no cousins around where we were...or friends...just one...I really wanted him to socialize. I was gonna send him 2-3 times per week for 3 hours each time. We ended up moving, and could not afford it any longer. I had to wait until he was old enough for pre-K.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/16/2011

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First of all, you should not need to validate your reason for child care to anyone...especially someone who is your friend. In America, if you need it, it is there., It does not matter if your a stay at home mom, full time mom, student, whatever....if you pay, it is available.

I think if you can afford to send your child to a daycare even ifyou are a stay at home mom...it can be benificial to everyone. Mom gets a break for some me time, the child gets to have social interaction, and learn new things. I think your friend is being highly judgemental. Tough shit that she didn't apply to more places, or even early enough. That is not your fault. She needs to grow up.

Lacye - posted on 03/16/2011

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Christine, You are not being selfish. Your friend needs to fuck off. I think it is great that you are helping out with the business and not getting paid. Why should you since the money goes towards your household anyways! But that's not the point. Your friend is just being a bitch because she might have to settle for a daycare that she didn't particularly like. Oh well. You just keep doing what's best for your kids. It's not your fault she waited so late and she only applied to 2 places. That's her own fault.

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Most SAHM's that I know do send their toddler-aged children to some sort of program. I don't because we can't really afford it, and all the "good" programs in my town are 5 days a week only...which I do see as pointless as a SAHM (unless there are extenuating circumstances like the triplet pregnancy Erin mentioned). My friends in the city have the advantage of numerous programs to chose from. I've had people marvel at the fact that my daughter is home with me full time. "How will she be ready for pre-school?" "What about socialization?" No matter what you do, there will be critics. Just do what's best for your family and don't worry about it.

Jodi - posted on 03/16/2011

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No, I do understand Christine. We get the same thing with our businesses. Between the two of them, we see more money pass through our hands than some people will see in a lifetime of wages, and we have people tell us all the time we must be rolling in it. They don't GET that staff wages, rent, and all those things cost a LOT of money, and we only earn what everyone else does. You should hear my ex bitch about having to pay child support.



It just surprises me, because we have one business that is a registered company and one that is in my name as a sole trader, and we get CCB (well we did when my daughter was doing 2 days a week daycare so I could get some work done). Have you tried claiming it AFTER you have done your tax returns? That's when I get it - I just claim lump sum, that way I never have to pay any back. I do it through the Online Service Centrelink has set up. PM me if you need more info :) I do the same with my Family Tax benefits and everything too, because I don't want to pay any back.



Anyway, that was all pretty off topic. I think she should just STFU to be honest. Trying to juggle work from home (even if part time) or studying with looking after kids is HARD, especially once they start getting mobile. I've been juggling it for years. By the time my daughter was 2, she really needed daycare, and I needed the break because I was getting NOTHING done. Even with the part-time work I did, I just couldn't focus and would fall behind. So I booked her into daycare. It took me 12 months to get a place where I live, and yes, it pisses me off that women who don't work OR study OR help out with a business, etc, takes places over someone who works. I was desperate. This was about more than going off and getting my hair done or my nails done. Just because I worked at home didn't make my need any less important than someone who works outside the home. I was at the point where I was having to finish my work at midnight. It annoyed me that I had to wait so long for a place. I was booked in at about 4 different places (there was no point booking too far from home, because then it would use up 2 hours a day just running her around and that would defeat the entire purpose).

Vegemite - posted on 03/16/2011

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I know I don't get why they say we earn too much but apparently we do, we did get some payments but then centerlink claimed we weren't meant to get any and we had to pay it all back. I mentioned the GST to give you guys an idea on how much we bring in because I don't like disclosing that as people then start on the rant about how rich we must be. But they don't understand that our bills are enormous averaging around 50k per month plus our last quarterly tax was 30k. I also told her about the tax because I wanted her to understand that when you pay more tax than you earn then you can complain about who's mooching off who's tax dollars.

With the study she thinks it's not necessary but her working and earning money is so mums should either work or stay at home with no desire for improving their education.

Crazy i know.

Well I'm glad i'm not being selfish by sending my boys to kinda

Erin - posted on 03/16/2011

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Another thing just occurred to me. What would your friend say about a SAHM who sent her child to daycare so she could study (either uni or TAFE)? Would that be an acceptable reason to her?

Jodi - posted on 03/16/2011

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I do have a couple of thoughts on this one and will come back, because I am about to serve up dinner. However, can I ask why you don't get a Child Care Rebate? The certainly do take into account what you put back into the business when calculating it. If you are a sole trader business, your expenses ARE given consideration, and GST is NOT included in any of the calculations. So I don't understand why you don't get it. It doesn't matter what your turnover is, it is your profit they care about.

Erin - posted on 03/16/2011

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I think your friend needs to worry less about what other people are doing :-/

Honestly, if I heard of a SAHM putting her baby in daycare full-time I would certainly raise an eyebrow. I would likely wonder what possible reason she had, but would be aware that I can't possibly know all the details and it's really none of my business.

As for sending a toddler for a day or two, I can totally see how that would be extremely helpful, or even necessary (especially when pregnant or caring for a new baby). I know a girl who was a SAHM and sent her 18mth old to full time daycare. Why? Because she was pregnant with triplets.

I would be telling your friend to back off for sure.

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