Co-sleeping...good or bad?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/13/2011 ( 192 moms have responded )

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Ok, so if you DO co sleep, when is it appropriate to stop? If you don't do it, why not?

I fear the older a kid gets, the more likely they will not be able to sleep on their own if they do co sleep. Opinions on the matter?

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Johnny - posted on 05/17/2011

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Cynthia, perhaps you would not have received such a blanket response if instead of saying "co-sleeping is bad" you might have tried something along the lines of "co-sleeping is not right for us". You are stating your opinion as an absolute fact, rather than a point of view, and if you do so, people will easily be able to refute you.

For example, co-sleeping is not bad because your friend's baby died doing it. If she was smothered by the covers, she was not practicing safe co-sleeping practices and that would be why. You can not blame the practice of co-sleeping for the death any more than you can blame the practice of independent sleeping for babies dying smothered under crib bumpers. The only thing you can address in these situations is proper safe sleeping procedures for infants. Safe sleep is necessary for babies whether they co-sleep or sleep independently.

If co-sleeping is not the right choice in your household that is just fine. There is nothing wrong with that at all. But you are wrong to say that "co-sleeping is bad" as a universal condemnation against all others who follow the practice. Perhaps you might try to learn a little more about it before throwing out wide-ranging statements.

Johnny - posted on 05/16/2011

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I imagine that people who don't co-sleep appreciate it being suggested that they don't have a mothering instinct or don't care for their children just about as much as people who do co-sleep appreciate being told that they are endangering their children's lives and turning them into needy, clingy people who will never be at all independent.

Neither of those assertions are generally true, but they apply in some specific cases. Pretty much like all of these parenting decisions.

As for the ORIGINAL question that Marina asked. If you do co-sleep, it is appropriate to stop when your children or yourself no longer wish to continue the practice. There is not a lot of evidence (if any) to support the assertion that children who co-sleep will suffer life long sleeping problems. Co-sleeping as a parenting practice is more commonly practiced globally than independent sleeping. I think lack of sleep would be a mass worldwide epidemic if all of those people had never been able to learn how to sleep alone. I always find that assertion to be very misinformed.

Charlie - posted on 05/15/2011

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*sigh* more babies die IN CRIBS you dont see people up in arms about the safety of sleeping in cribs like you do with co sleeping both have dangers and BOTH have saftey guidelines ...whichever you choose for your family do it safely , follow the guidlines they are there to protect YOUR child , A good point Dr James McKenna makes is that many children die in car seats through reckless driving , intoxicated parents ect ect and yet you wouldnt say because some children died that ALL travell in car seats is dangerous would you ? no being ignorant to safety guidlines and being negligent is what kills .

Jenn - posted on 05/15/2011

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@Jen - I didn't say it was a problem that something was a western idea - I just said that it was a western mind-set, whereas the rest of the world seems to do the opposite for the most part.

As far as smothering goes - it's very rare that it happens, and there is usually drugs or alcohol involved (or some other aspect that would affect your normal reaction to not roll onto something).

Sylvia - posted on 05/17/2011

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OK, question: How many moms here hope that their kids will someday have a husband/wife/partner and they will enjoy sleeping together? Probably most, right? So ... which is better practice for that -- sleeping alone 100% of the time, or sometimes sharing a bed with mom/dad/siblings?

Just curious.

I would also point out -- without, of course, in any way trying to diminish the tragedy of losing a child as Cynthia's friend did -- that while we hear at great length in the media about every baby who dies while bed-sharing with (an) adult(s), there are many, MANY more babies who die while sleeping alone in "safe" regulator-approved cribs ... we just don't hear about those equally tragic tragedies so much, because from our normative Anglo-North-American perspective, *those parents were doing it right* ... and we don't like sensational news stories about kids so much if there's no way to blame the parents. (Which is its own tragedy right there, if you ask me.)

Safe bed-sharing is not inherently more dangerous than safe crib-sleeping, and many experts suggest it's probably safer (being the biological and evolutionary norm, and all). That doesn't mean we should start a smear campaign against cribs and people who use them. But it does mean we should be sceptical of blanket claims like "BED SHARING IS DANGEROUS AND BAD!!!!"

FTR, my now 8-year-old shared our bed full time until she was 4 and a half, because until then she didn't have her own bedroom; she now sleeps on her own about 90% of the time. No coercion or bribery was required -- just a measure of patience as we helped her learn to like sleeping on her own. She still crawls in some mornings to snuggle, though. So now we have our own bed *and* free bonus snuggles! :)

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Tina - posted on 03/10/2012

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I'm apparently in the minority in this forum, but I hate co-sleeping. If I could, I'd even kick my snoring husband out of the room when we actually wanted to sleep and just get together for hook-ups. :)



Seriously, though. My next-door neighbor, who is from India where co-sleeping is the norm, was bemoaning to me how she really hasn't slept well in nearly five years b/c one of her kids is always in bed with her. Even the one who's almost five wants someone in the same room w/him, though he doesn't mind having an entire bed to himself. At some point, she's hoping the peer-pressure of playing with other big boys and seeing that none of them sleeps with their parents anymore will cause him to become an independent sleeper of his own volition. The two-year-old, knowing that someone is right next to her, requests refills on her bottle all through the night.



I really can't relate. My babies had their own nursery (next to my room), and I'm a light enough sleeper that I could hear every little cray, even without a baby mointor. I didn't sleep w/my babies unless a child was sick or woke up at 5:30 (in which case I would sometimes nurse & let the baby sleep w/me until 7:00 or so). Plus, my little guy snored terribly until he got his adenoids out at age 2, and I really couldn't sleep well next to him if I had tried.



I've got to say, all of us are fantastic sleepers. My kids love having their beds to themselves. It's kind of like their little domain. My toddler is still in a crib but will soon transition to a toddler bed (once we're convinced he won't hop out of bed a bunch of times after lights-out). Sometimes putting him in his crib for timeout doesn't even turn out to be a punishment at all b/c he just grabs a couple of books and plays and has a grand ol' time in his crib. My second-grader thinks of her room & her bed as everything from her stage for performing in front of the mirror to her place of refuge. She loves to cuddle, and my husband sometimes falls asleep next to her after storytime, but that's a rarity. Both kids are excellent at falling asleep on their own, and they never wake me up until the morning, unless they're sick.



I say, it's all the the training. Those who believe that there's a lack of bonding w/babies who don't co-sleep don't really know what they're talking about. My babies bonded w/both parents just fine. Plus, there is a known detriment of increased SIDS when babies sleep on soft surfaces like an adult bed. (Rarely is a king or queen mattress as firm as a crib mattress.)



Yes, people have co-slept for centuries. They also used to whip their kids and pull their daughters out of school by age 10 to help take care of younger siblings & housework. There are lots of ways in which we parent differently than our great-grandparents did, and I'm pretty glad to embrace those changes when they make my life easier.

Happy - posted on 05/24/2011

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We co-sleep. Our 11 month old id currently in the bed with us now. Our now 5 year old, now co-sleeping with his sister, moved out of our bed one month before our 11 month old was born. I have co-slept with all of my children. And all pioneer, native american and most third world families did/do the same.

Happy - posted on 05/24/2011

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We co-sleep. Our 11 month old id currently in the bed with us now. Our now 5 year old, now co-sleeping with his sister, moved out of our bed one month before our 11 month old was born. I have co-slept with all of my children. And all pioneer, native american and most third world families did/do the same.

Neisha - posted on 05/18/2011

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I have 4 children and my youngest is almost five and we can not get him to sleep in his own bed now and if we don't let him sleep with us then he sleeps with one of his sisters and keeps them up so if I could go back and do over I defenitly would not let him sleep with because now and I can' t get him out. any suggestions

Stifler's - posted on 05/17/2011

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I cosleep with my husband. Bedshare in fact. I also dislike sleeping alone. I never slept in my parents bed as a baby as far as I know! Bedsharing is human nature if you ask me. We want to feel safe and warm.

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Donna, that was a beautiful post. I hope some day my son will have the kind of lovely memories you do of your parents and the kind you're creating for your sons.

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We bed share! My 4 yr old was sleeping in his own bed for a while when our youngest was an infant and it was such a nightmare for me! I went 3 parts insane going back and forth all night between toddler and baby. They were waking each other up, back and forth all night for about 3-4 weeks. Why it took me so long to just stop the stupidity of having Seth in a separate room, I'll never know. As soon as we brought him back into the family bed (where he'd been sleeping his entire life), his sleep returned to normal and he wouldn't even stir when the baby woke! I pulled my hair out over that one.

The second I became a mother was the second I started bed sharing. I was in hospital with the little bundle next to me and the ped came in to do the usual checks. I think Seth was about 3-4 hours old. The ped (an older, grey haired man) came in and I was worried he'd say something about me having the baby in the bed... and he did! He got a big grin on his face and said, "I'm so glad to see that you have him with you, where he should be, rather than in that nasty plastic box!" Huge sigh of relief for me, because I wasn't really up for a fight. I had no idea what I was going to do prior to having the baby. We had a hammock set up next to my side of the bed and it was just a given that the baby would sleep there. But after he was born it was all different. Neither of us could even imagine leaving our baby to sleep alone.

Seth is now 4 and his little brother is 2. We have a queen sized bed with a side car cot. Wyatt likes having his own space, always has, but without fail he comes to snuggle into mum at some point in the night.

One of my fondest memories is of my mother coming into my room and sleeping with me. We had like a sleep over together. I was about 8 and was having bad sleep for some reason. So, she started sleeping in my bed with me. Also, my father was studying, so he was up all hours in their room (his desk was in there), so if she wanted sleep she had to come into my bed. I love those memories of her and I snuggling in and giggling at night before going to sleep. She died when I was 14 (and I'm now 41), so memories of her are few and far between. With that in mind, my boys are welcome into the family bed any time... and maybe they will have some fond memories of silly moments we have before we go to sleep.

Most of the world still does bed sharing. It's not bad, it's not dangerous (granted, it can be in certain circumstances), it doesn't hinder independence (quite the opposite actually). And it certainly isn't true that kids won't be able to get themselves to sleep or sleep on their own if they do bed share.

We are planning the transition of the boys to their room soon. They will be bed sharing in their room. We will still do bedtime stories and snuggles and everything we currently do, but instead of sleeping with them, they will sleep together. When the day comes that they don't want to share a bed any longer, they will have separate beds. If they want to snuggle with mum and dad, they can do that any time they want because ours is a family bed.

I have a family friend who is an example of bed sharing out of necessity. She was an immigrant (at the time I first met her, she was illegal) and working her butt off. She had a little girl and could only afford a single or one bedroom apartment until recently. Her daughter is now 19 and only stopped bed sharing with her mum when she was 15, because her mum just couldn't afford anything more, despite working 30 days a month (she would take one day off a month to go to church). Her daughter is a very mature, level headed, independent girl. She was independent enough (and her mother confident enough in her) that she flew, unaccompanied, at the age of 12 from Los Angeles to Brisbane for a 2 week holiday with me. Does she have any hang-ups? Yes, of course. What teenage girl doesn't? Most of her hang ups are about money though. She has a healthy view of her body, can fall asleep on her own (in her own bed) and isn't clingy. She would have liked to have had her own bed a lot earlier, but she understood her mother's position and never complained about their life and not having the things others had. So, I think she is a great example of the long term effects of bed sharing. They have an incredible bond.

Charlie - posted on 05/17/2011

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LOL I guess it is a matter of perception although it is by Archaeological acounts defined as recent although in our own time it would seem old .....I get where you are coming from though .

Sherri - posted on 05/17/2011

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Well I respectfully disagree but back to the subject at hand. Didn't mean to start another debate off topic.

Charlie - posted on 05/17/2011

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Parenting is as old as humanity itself as is sleeping situations in the history of infant sleep it is a new invention , in fact in the history of humanity so is electricity ..what did we use before it ? fire ....Modern Homo sapiens as a species is about 195,000 to 200,000 years old
our ancestors with many human traits date as far back as millions of years .

In the 200,000 years we have been discovering and inventing in the for we now know 200 years is a new invention compared to say the wheel or the axe or even locks which were invented 4000 years ago .

Sherri - posted on 05/17/2011

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Well I consider that a hell of a long time and not a new invention by any means. New would be in the last 40 yrs not the last 200yrs. You also didn't have houses like we have now 300 yrs ago you had one or two rooms that had to suit everyone where your seating also served as your beds and the only way to stay warm and survive the harsh winters was to sleep all in one bed. Nobody lives like this anymore.



Do you think electricity is a new invention? no but cell phones and hybrid cars would be.

Charlie - posted on 05/17/2011

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200 years is fairly recent in the history of humanity though , we as a country ( Australia ) are just over 200 years old we are considered a young country .

Sherri - posted on 05/17/2011

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@Laura Just a clarification to something you said, cribs are not a new invention they been around for over 200 yrs. since the early 1800's They began more like cradles that were placed next to a parents bed.

Charlie - posted on 05/17/2011

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Cynthia , I believe we do what is right for our own family situation in reguards to sleeping arrangements whether it is co sleeping , bed sharing or sleeping in a cot in another room , as long as we do so safely and meet our childrens needs then there shouldnt be a problem , we all want the same outcome :)

Noreen - posted on 05/17/2011

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We co-sleep!! We started of partially co-sleeping with Kaleb then Noah and it stopped around 2yrs old for both. Occasionally Kaleb, my 6th old will end up in our bed still in the middle of the night.

We have fully co-slept with our 19month old from Day 1. She has never slept a night in her own bed and sleeps comfortably in the nook of my arm every night all night. I wouldn't have it any other way either. I LOVE sleeping her.

Cynthia - posted on 05/17/2011

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Thank you. this is a lot of really good info and i think you are right when practiced safely. i also think not co sleeping is right too because so many people dont do it safely. i now see and believe that there are some good in co sleeping when b4 i thought it was just wrong. my thoughts on the topic are sided because i did suffer a huge lose and for 5 years i have blamed co sleeping. and that is why i never let my son co sleep. i wont change that with my new baby he will not sleep with me either but its good to have my mind opened to the idea. it is not all bad. its especially beneficial for the baby.



edit to add: i think of co sleeping as bed sharing too. i understand that is wrong now that it has been pointed out so adjust my comment to make it mean sleeping in the same bed. i just read it and realized it was wrong.

Charlie - posted on 05/17/2011

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Ok sorry I get that I was brief only because I am sick of writing this out but you do deserve an explanation .

No it is not dangerous for all babies that has been scientifically proven and statistically proven , YES there are dangerous bed sharing habits like too many blankets , parents who smoke or drink or are on medication , water beds ect these are all in the guidelines as NOT safe sleep sharing practices .

Bedsharing and co sleeping is actually recommended by the worlds leading expert on infant sleep and SIDS Dr James McKenna there are a number of benefits to safe sleep sharing .

I am going to use a few quotes from Dr James Mckennas documents to help explain :

Critics of co-sleeping in the form of bed-sharing declare, "cribs are designed for babies while adult beds are not," and to a certain extent this is true. But since pediatric models of infant health, disease and illness are necessarily derived from human biology, it is appropriate to remember that the only true "baby-designed" sleep object or environment, is the mother's body. "

"For as far back as you care to go, mothers have followed the protective and convenient practice of sleeping. with their infants. Even now, for the vast majority of people across the globe, "co-sleeping" and nighttime breast-feeding remain inseparable practices. Only in the past 200 years, and mostly in Western industrialized societies, have parents considered it normal and biologically appropriate for a mother and infant to sleep apart. "

"In the sleep laboratory at the University of California's Irvine School of Medicine, my colleagues and I observed mother-infant pairs as they slept both apart and together over three consecutive nights. Using a polygraph, we recorded the mother's and infant's heart rates, brain waves (EEGs), breathing, body temperature, and episodes of nursing. Infrared video photography simultaneously monitored their behavior.

We found that bed-sharing infants face their mothers for most of the night, and that mother and infant are highly responsive to each other's movements, wake more frequently, and spend more time in lighter stages of sleep than they do while sleeping alone. Bed-sharing infants nurse almost twice as often, and three times as long per bout, as they do when sleeping alone. But they rarely cry. Mothers who routinely sleep with their infants get at least as much sleep as mothers who sleep without them.

In addition to providing more nighttime nourishment and greater protection, sleeping with the mother supplies the infant with a steady stream of sensations of the mother's presence, including touch, smell, movement, and warmth. These stimuli can perhaps even compensate for the human infant's extreme neurological immaturity at birth."

Put simply there is statistically MORE risk to placing a child to sleep in a crib than there is bed sharing that is a fact however much like bed sharing deaths it is usually the cause of not following safe sleep practices .

As for independence , again this is dependent on many things however it is proven that children who have a strong bond with their parents have greater independence than those who dont , now I am not saying that if you dont co sleep you do not have a bond , not at all we all know there are many ways to achieve this however co sleeping does have present a unique shared biological bonding experience especially when coupled with increased breastfeeding .

As long as the parent is following the CHILDS developmental leads then independence should not be an issue , a lot of mothers do follow child their childs lead however I have no doubt that a minority dictate when a child should move out of their room and when it is beyond the child's natural development therein lies the problem that you speak of , what this is , is not a matter of sleeping arrangements but a matter of parents delaying development this can be done regardless of sleeping situation and can also be done by trying to establish independence BEFORE a child is developmentally ready .

So in summery , dangers are present in ALL sleep situations when safety guidelines are NOT followed , statistically more so in cribs .

Independence is based on a parents willingness to let their child develop at their own natural pace as is the biological norm and not quicker or slower than they are ready for , it is not based on any sleep situation in particular .

Elizabeth - posted on 05/17/2011

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I co-slept with my son for 18 months. We tried to get him back into his bed many times, but it just did not want to sleep in his bed. Once we moved his crib into a different room, he started sleeping through the night in his own bed. It took a few days but he did it, and now he never sleeps in our bed.

Minnie - posted on 05/17/2011

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So since babies die in cribs, it follows that cribs are dangerous for all babies, no?



i think it will keep all bigger kids for being independent sleepers



Will? You do realize that bedsharing has been practiced for as long as humans have walked this planet, right? I'm waiting for this 'will'...



Good grief...planet...not parent.

Cynthia - posted on 05/17/2011

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yes i think it is dangerous for all babies. i think it will keep all bigger kids for being independent sleepers and i believe for at lest one reason it sucks for all parents. that is what i think. Loureen the only thing i know you think it that i am wrong. I'm curious as to what you think is right? what is your opinion on the topic. all we know is your opinion on my opinion which isn't the point of this debate.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/17/2011

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Cynthia, yes I meant in the same bed, well...really both...but mainly same bed. I just think of co sleeping as bed sharing. I know there is a difference now since others have cleared that up.

Charlie - posted on 05/17/2011

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"co sleeping is bad. for a number of reasons. for babies its dangerous for older kids its keeping them from being independent and for parents it plain sucks. "

It wasn't the "bad" part that concerned me it was the reasons following it , it was worded in a way that implied all co sleepers would experience the same .

Cynthia - posted on 05/17/2011

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this was presented as a black and white debate. Co sleeping...good or bad. i chose bad. it doesn't mean that i am saying good is wrong. i just answered the question that was asked.
i don't think the group has negative issues. i think i do. i was speaking for myself. i chose to say the word bad because that's how the question was asked...good or bad. if the topic was how do you feel about it, i would have said it isn't for me. but i was asked, good or bad? black or white? i answered accordingly.

also i understand that my statement wasn't a fact, it was my opinion. which is also what was asked by the op. the last statement from the poster was, Opinions on the matter? i was not wrong to answer the way i did.

i was not wrong for the way i answered unless the poster was wrong in the way she asked.
and one last thing, i don't think the poster meant sleeping in the same room as her definition of co sleeping. she was meaning in the same bed.

Charlie - posted on 05/17/2011

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Simple Cynthia , you made a large sweeping generalization in which you assumed the entire group has negative issues with co sleeping making you wrong , to make a blanket statement almost always makes you wrong because there is no black and white .

I am sorry for your friends loss but a baby can also be smothered to death in a cot in fact more babies die yearly in cots so to go and all out make such a wide sweeping statement about one set of sleeping based on a circumstance you know of isn't quiet fact but a very biased opinion .

Just to be clear Co sleeping is sleeping in the same room in a bassinet or cot within one arms reach of mumma sleeping in the same bed is bed sharing both of which are safe when following the safe sleep guidelines just like cot sleeping ( in fact co sleeping is now recommended by the AAP )

Morgan - posted on 05/17/2011

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Co sleeping is not for my family, my daughter was in her crib down the hall from the night she came home, I always had the monitor so I was never worried, she's an amazing sleeper and mom and dad are well rested too :) I plan to do the same with #2

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/17/2011

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Some kids do become so attached that they do not, or can not fall asleep by themselves. I do think that it can become a problem.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/17/2011

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Cynthina, I am so sorry your friend lost her baby this way. How horrible. I just keep imagining my baby who is now 1 smothering in the blankets with her mom and dad right their. I cannot shake the image.

Anna - posted on 05/17/2011

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I do a combination of co-sleeping and crib. Mostly our daughter sleeps in her crib, I go get her and bring into bed to nurse if she needs to, and then I put her back in her crib. I just sleep with her all night long if she's sick or teething or for some other reason just up a lot at night. I sleep with my babies almost exclusively until about 2-3 months of age.

I know co-sleeping gets a bad rap for being dangerous and I know deaths still occur, even when done 'safely.' I don't understand how people can speak of the dangers of co-sleeping while ignoring all the crib recalls that have happened, and continue to happen, and will continue to happen probably forever more. Tragedies can happen anywhere. I pray to God that he will protect my family from this and I do my best to put my kids to sleep safely but I fear for their safety no less by putting them to sleep in a crib then I do when I have one in bed with me. I know everyone has their own personal experiences here that will contribute to their decision. When I was in college my roommate's baby brother, asleep on his back, choked on his vomit and never woke up, so I personally have a very hard time putting my babies to sleep on their backs (I still do, but this is very hard for me). My point is just that I understand how life experiences will greatly influence the choices we make and I think this is fine, but don't fault others who have different life experiences for choosing other solutions. There is no perfect solution.

Cynthia - posted on 05/17/2011

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johnny. i said it was bad because i was flowing the title of the op. the question was Co-sleeping...good or bad? the words i used came from the title of the debate. that is the intelligent way to follow a topic.



and i do blame co sleeping for the death. she smothered on the covers because she got wrapped in them when her mom turned over.

Minnie - posted on 05/17/2011

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Assuming that it is a problem that a nine year old bedshares with her parents. And assuming that it is a bad habit...that must be broken.



But other people don't. For some, families sleep together; it's just what they do. Eventually those children grow up and leave. I'll miss these days when my girls are older and want their own space and privacy. When I'm old and grey I'll cherish the time we had snuggling together as a family. One day they'll leave us.

Amanda - posted on 05/17/2011

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Personally i do not think co sleeping is a great idea. when my daughter slept in her own bed in my room but never in my bed but to feed in the middle of the night.

the reason i did not want to start co sleeping is because of the experience i had with my neice. she is now almost 9 but when she was a baby she ALWAYS slept with her mom or she would come sleep with me. she got too comfy in bed with another person and never wanted to sleep in her own bed until about 2 years ago. so as they get older it can be kind of a pain when it is bed time and they will not go to sleep in their own bed because they are so used to sleeping in yours.

it is always easier to not start what could turn into a bad habit then to try and break a bad habit is how i have always thought of it.

now other people could disagree with what i am saying which is fine because, every child is different, and some children can go from co sleeping to not very easily but at the same time some children can not.

hope this helps somewhat. i am a first time mom and what i have discovered is that you just have to go with what you think is right and is best.

Cynthia - posted on 05/17/2011

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Laureen. how can you say i am wrong, this is a debate and that is my opinion. do you understand what it means to debate? if you did then you would of told me why i am wrong...this is why i am not: my best friend lost her baby because of co sleeping she was a perfect healthy baby the night she went to bed with mom and dad. the next day she never woke up because she smothered in the covers between her parents 'safe' in their bed so don't tell me I'm wrong. my son is 6 and he only sleeps with me when he is sick. because i like my space when i sleep. he doesn't even want to sleep with me because it was never an option. I read him a book and kiss him good night he is content in his bed and so am i. so tell me how is that so wrong??



also I'm in my 9th month of pregnancy and my husband isn't a small man. my son is a healthy 6 year old about 60 pounds we have a queen sized bed. imagine us all piled up. lol that's just silly when there is a perfectly good twin bed just down the hall.

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It's making a reference to a study by someone named Davies 1995. I cannot find this study on pubmed or it's not available. What I'm drawing from this though is affluence of society. The more prosperous one gets, the more apparent they are to not co-sleep. I'll still look for the study though.

Merry - posted on 05/17/2011

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Japan I know for sure, and most third world countries do. I saw the stat that about 70% bed shares, Ill find the link if I can...

[deleted account]

Just curious, where does most of the world bed share? China? India? I'm not all that interested in the debate anymore but I'm deeply curious how this was determined.

Merry - posted on 05/17/2011

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Cynthia most of the world bed shares, almost no one seems to have a problem with their kids :) cribs are a recent invention and not used over alot of the world. and not necessary unless you want one.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/17/2011

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Obviously my point was greatly missed. I my husband and I have OUR bed, if we want to have sex in it, we should be able to without kicking out our children. We have had sex in many places, but man.....when you are tired and just want to roll over and hump...so much easier.

Cynthia - posted on 05/16/2011

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co sleeping is bad. for a number of reasons. for babies its dangerous for older kids its keeping them from being independent and for parents it plain sucks.

Emma - posted on 05/16/2011

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Have your baby in the same room in the begining (especially if breast feeding) but it's a good idea to get them used to their own room at least before 1yr old. But, depends on whether or not you and your husband/partner want to have "alone time" which is important after having a baby. But ultimately, it's up to you and how resiliant you are at making your child comfortable in sleeping in their own bedroom.

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I don't know if anyone's addressed this yet but I'm too tired to read all 8 pages of comments at this point lol Thanks to Loureen, I've learned that "co-sleeping" is where the baby sleeps in the same ROOM as the parent(s). "bed sharing" is where the baby actually sleeps IN THE BED with the parent(s) or in one of those side sleepers that's like an extended section of bed but just for the baby. Just wanted to clarify that because ever since I learned the difference, it bugs me to hear people refer to a baby in the same bed as "co-sleeping". Anywho, I've done both. My son is 3 and as I type this, he's snoozing soundly in my bed. I have no problem with this because he goes back and forth from my bed to his own bed in his own room. Gradually, he'll end up just sleeping in his room but my bed will always be an option for him. He will never be turned away from me for comfort if he needs it. This subject is just like most parenting issues. Each family has to decide what works best for them and that definition changes from person to person. There really is no right or wrong answer to the "co-sleep" or "bedshare", good or bad issue. As long as it's being done safely, then however long you feel comfortable with it (or your baby) is appropriate for you. The way I see it, I have a pretty good feeling that my son isn't still going to be crawling into my bed when he's 10, 12, 16.....so while he's young, and still needs and wants to be close? Heck yeah, my blankets (and my snuggles) are always open and available to him. ♥

Amanda - posted on 05/16/2011

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I co slept with my son from day one. He is now 13 months old and sleeps just as well in his crib as he does in bed with me.

Stifler's - posted on 05/16/2011

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I don't even cosleep and we still have sex in the spare room for fun. Logan was only in our room in the bassinet for 10 weeks and we got sick of his loud sleeping and we would always think he was awake and make a bottle and he wasn't he was just breathing loudly. Then he got too fat for it anyway and we moved him out into the cot. But this baby is going to be in our room again. We just had sex in the afternoons when he was napping out in the hallway or whatever.

Sylvia - posted on 05/16/2011

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Unequivocal lifesaver in this family. But I don't judge. My philosophy is, wherever everyone gets the most sleep is the right place for everyone to sleep :)

Charlie - posted on 05/16/2011

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You can put locks on any door ; ) but hey , we all do what we are comfortable with and what is suited to our lives and enviroments .

Karen - posted on 05/16/2011

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good grief, I have a horrible image of dh and I on the couch/floor/etc. and one of our dc gets up to get a drink of water or whatever. Closed and locked bedroom door for us!

Charlie - posted on 05/16/2011

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The spare room isnt meant as a sex room it is just one of many other places to have sex , we like outdoor sex too ....just a bit of creativity and imagination plus we like the excitement of not just being confined to the one bedroom ....then again we have always been like that even before kids :)

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