Comments about how long you will breast feed

[deleted account] ( 61 moms have responded )

Anyone else get pissed off with people asking "how long are you going to do THAT" as if it is something that makes them feel physically sick???

I find it funny sometimes and have made comments right back about how I'll feed till she starts primary school....

Other times i feel rather irritated and angry...especially when people make these comments in the earshot of my 11 year old that i have tried very hard to show that bf-ing is good and normal.

If i went up to a bottle feeder,stuck my nose up and asked her how long she plans on doing THAT....whilst clearly showing my disgust....she would most likely clobber me...and rightly so !!!

I've bitten my tongue on many occasions after being made to feel like some sort of dirty animal for breast feeding (and ive only ever breast fed discreetly)...I have strong feelings about bottle feeding but would NEVER voice them other than here on CoM.

So...do others have similar experiences ?

Have you ever made comments to other women about the way they feed their child?

Is it EVER ok so say how you really feel?

Since this is a debating forum,I'd like to know how you REALLY feel about breast or bottle...yeah yeah i know it's old news but I'm bored and can't find anything interesting to comment on.

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Sherri - posted on 06/03/2012

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Jennifer you do realize in the animal kingdom usually the reasoning for the mom to push baby off the teat is because mom goes into heat and is pregnant again. Also orangutans nurse until they are 7yrs old. Elephants usually nurse 4-5yrs too.

Karla - posted on 05/29/2012

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I don't even know if this is all accurate, I don't know many people who have 12 week maternity leave in the US, I more than likely hear of a 6 week leave.



The Huffington Post just put this out:

******************************

Here are the maternity leave benefits for 43 developed countries in 2011, from shortest to longest periods of time. Are you surprised by the findings?



United States:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 12 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: No national program but cash benefits may be provided at the state level.



Iceland:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 3 Months

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 80



Germany:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 14 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Japan:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 14 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 67



Malta:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 14 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



New Zealand:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 14 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Switzerland:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 14 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 80



Belgium:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 15 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 82 per cent for the first 30 days and 75 per cent for the remaining period.



Finland:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 105 Days

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 70



Slovenia:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 105 Days

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Austria:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 16 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



France:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 16 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Latvia:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 112 Days

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Luxembourg:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 16 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Netherlands:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 16 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Spain:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 16 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Greece:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 119 Days

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 50



Australia:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 18 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: Each parent can take up to 12 months of leave, of which 18 weeks are paid.



Lithuania:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 126 Days

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Belarus:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 126 Days

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Moldova:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 126 Days

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Ukraine:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 126 Days

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Romania:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 126 Days

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 85



Portugal:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 120 to 150 Days

Percentage Of Wages Paid: Parental benefits paid at 100 per cent for the shorter duration of leave and 80 per cent for the longer option.



Estonia:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 140 Days

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Poland:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 20 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Russia:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 140 Days

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Italy:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 5 Months

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 80



Bulgaria:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 135 Days

Percentage Of Wages Paid:90



Hungary:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 24 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 70



Ireland:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 26 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 80



Czech Republic:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 28 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 60



Slovakia:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 28 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 55



Macedonia:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 9 Months

Percentage Of Wages Paid: Not found.



Norway:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 36 to 46 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: Parental benefits paid at 100 per cent for the shorter duration of leave and 80 per cent for the longer option.



Albania:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 365 Days

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 80 per cent prior to birth and for 150 days after and 50 per cent for the rest of the leave period.



Bosnia And Herzegovina:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 1 Year

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 82 per cent for the first 30 days and 75 per cent for the remaining period.



Canada:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 52 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 55 per cent at 17 weeks for maternity leave, and the additional 35 weeks can be taken by either parent. Wages also depend on province.



Croatia:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 1 Year

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Denmark:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 52 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



Serbia:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 52 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 100



United Kingdom:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 52 Weeks

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 90



Sweden:

Length Of Maternity Leave: 420 Days

Percentage Of Wages Paid: 80



link:

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2012/05/22/...

Karla - posted on 05/29/2012

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Well, I used to work with La Leche League and we were instructed against telling anyone what to do except in a helping way, for instance a mom calling with a breastfeeding problem. But for general parent choice we would suggest options but we wouldn't tell them what to do.



Also, I don't believe I have ever made comments to others about the way they feed their child; that's a personal decision. I might make a suggestion, for instance I if a mom were starting solids when their baby was very young I might share my experience with that, or share info I have read about that, or I might ask if their doctor has recommended solids that young - I guess some doctors do for gastro reflux.



How I really feel about breast or bottle? Truly and honestly I believe breastfeeding is beast, but I also understand that some woman cannot handle it either physically or emotionally. I absolutely refuse to judge a mom on this issue; they need to do whatever is necessary for them to parent in a positive way.

Dee - posted on 07/08/2012

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I am still BFing my 11 month old - I'd actually planned to try and combine with bottle around 6 months old as I did with my other two, but it didn't work out that way and we are quite happy! I have no idea when we are going to stop BFing and no plans to stop currently until it naturally happens for us. Thankfully I've not come up against anyone who has said "Are you STILL feeding her yourself?" and like to think that I would respond in a polite way and simply say "Yes!" with no clobbering over the head ... but I've not been in that situation .... yet!

We all know breast is best for babies - it's what Mother Nature intended, but it is still a personal choice and I would never berate another Mum for choosing to bottle feed no matter what the reason. I think the only issue for ME with breast Vs bottle is that Dad can't get as involved so early on with the feeding, but I am lucky that my partner is supportive of me breastfeeding and he's got involved in other ways.

Sherri - posted on 06/02/2012

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Jennifer that isn't true since WHO actually recommends breastfeeding till 3yrs old. Most children by 18mo's have a full set of teeth obviously if it was an issue that wouldn't recommend it till 3yrs old. Also your feeling on this are your opinion none of which are backed up by facts and this is coming from a mom who won't do extended breastfeeding but I can see the benefits of it for the child.

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♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 07/08/2012

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Dee, thanks! And that's probably the issue we're having now. My 16 month old is still nursing and she's going through a phase now where she wants nothing to do with daddy. It hurts him because he's a very hands on and involved dad, but she'll hardly eat anything other than breast milk. However DH is extremely supportive and even sleeps on the couch because we co-sleep as well. We're both just hoping it's a short phase.

As I said in an earlier post the only person in my family who has made any comment is my FIL. But his diet is beer, cigarettes and tea so I don't believe I need to take his opinion into consideration. He didn't even make the comment to me, he made it to DH who told him I was breast feeding til at least 2 years with our baby

Jenn - posted on 06/06/2012

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I thought I could not breast feed for three days when my youngest was 18 months old, but after 48 hours and a two hour flight back home, I looked like I had brand new DD's and I swear they would've popped if I had gone one minute longer without expressing! : ). It did get better though and towards the end both girls maybe nursed twice a day. I treasure that time!

Jodi - posted on 06/05/2012

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"Although, come to think of it, I think later I encouraged her to wean so that she wouldn't feel so tied down all the time and could go away for the weekend. I just want her to have a break once in a while, it's not that I find it gross. " You can totally go away for the weekend while breastfeeding once your in the extended zone. I just recently left my twins at Nana's house while hubster and I had 2 whole nights to ourselves! by the time you get past a year, your milk supply is well established, it takes at least 3 days for your milk supply to become affected by any changes in nursing. So, to completely stop nursing for 3 days, typically will only dwindle your supply, easily brought back up in another 3 days! I did it with my first born as well with absolutely no problems! I didn't even ahve to pump to relieve any discomfort or pain!

Janice - posted on 06/05/2012

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I promise not to comment but i will definitely send a dirty look in the direction of the parent putting soda in their toddlers bottle. ;)

Jenn - posted on 06/05/2012

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I learned to not give a damn what others thought. My own mother thought it was bizarre that I nursed my children past three months, but by the time they had nursed until 20 month and 26 months, she no longer voiced her opinion. I knew what I was doing for my babies. I knew it was exactly what they needed so others' comments just rolled right off of me. My husband's family was hugely supportive and that did wonders for my own confidence as I ventured into the world of extended breast feeding. Then when I joined a play group, I found other mothers who also breasted their babies past a year and that too helped me handle the less than tactful comments about my boobs, baby teeth, baby talking while on my boob, etc.


And, no, I never make comments to other mothers on how they are feeding their baby. Even those god awful ones who feed theirs Dr Pepper in a bottle! Garrrrr!

Elfrieda - posted on 06/05/2012

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I never had anything negative said about breastfeeding my son. I stopped at 8 months. I have asked my friend, "Oh, are you still nursing?!" her 15 month old, I just hadn't realized and was surprised. Then I asked a few more questions about it because I was curious, and hoping to go longer with my next child. Turns out toddlers don't nurse every two or three hours the way a baby does, it can be a nap and bedtime thing if you want. It seems obvious in retrospect, but it came as a shock and relief to me! :) I hope she didn't take it negatively, I didn't mean it like that at all.



Although, come to think of it, I think later I encouraged her to wean so that she wouldn't feel so tied down all the time and could go away for the weekend. I just want her to have a break once in a while, it's not that I find it gross.

Jessica - posted on 06/04/2012

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my family were never supportive of me breastfeeding my son they pressured me into bottle feeding my eldest and they tried the same tactic with my 2nd child, but i ended up breastfeeding him till he was just over 1 and i was so proud of myself for not giving into them.they always made me feel bad about it and were always asking when id stop breastfeeding and that he was ready to be put on a bottle. i currently have a 6 month old now and i dont plan on giving up breastfeeding any time soon, not until she is ready to stop.

Stifler's - posted on 06/03/2012

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I agree dogs kick the pups off pretty early. Breastfeeding isn't just about the baby if mum doesn't want to do it anymore then it's time to wean. Both that and letting the baby wean themselves is just fine.

Merry - posted on 06/03/2012

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Breastmilk has an ingredient called HAMLET and this ingredient can literally KILL cancer cells.
This ingredient is present as long as lactation persists so that alone could be a good reason to respect those willing to nurse their children to whatever age we might not be comfortable doing ourselves.

Oh yes, when the question has been asked to me it's always been politely and curiously. If it were mean or snarky my answer would be more mean and snarky :-D

Merry - posted on 06/03/2012

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Wow yeah Jennifer, it's never been shown that breastfeeding beyond toddlerhood causes any amount of emotional damage.
Children dont tend to talk about breastfeeding because to them it's as normal as a hug. And if a problem arose then that's why there's teachers! They can get the situation handled any number of ways but kids tease other kids for any number of reasons so breastfeeding really isn't the big tease issue that you make it out to be.
If you don't want to nurse a 5 yr old then dont.
But if your child had a friend who said they still nursed would your child tease them? Similarly to how you are bashing the concept here?

The problem lies with the teasers, not with the chi,drew doing biologically natural things.

And yes, you are misinformed. There are countless studies showing that the immin benefits of breastmilk continues as long as its consumed and the human immune system isn't in it's complete form until around 6 year.

I don't think I'd nurse a 5 year old either. But I can't say for sure cuz I've never had a 4yr, 11month, 30day old child who will likely ask to nurse the next day.
Heck my three ear old only asks every 5-6 days!

Sherri - posted on 06/03/2012

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@Megan you are correct I stand corrected.

Thereafter, they should be given nutritious complementary foods and continue breastfeeding up to the age of two years or beyond.

Merry - posted on 06/03/2012

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Without reading any comments first, yes I've been asked that. A lot. But my answer has evolved over time. When Eric was under a year id say, 1 year. After he turned one I'd say til 2. As he reached 2 I started saying until he grows out of the need.
Now that's always my answer. Until he grows out of the need. He's slowly weaning himself but I have encouraged it along the way. And I might be the one to end it if I conceive again but he has reached natural duration and so I'm fine with however it ends as long as he isn't made to feel badly about it.
My daughter is a year and I assume she will continue a year or more still

Beth - posted on 06/03/2012

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I got this A LOT from my family in the Midwest. They're all for breast feeding, but only for like, 6 weeks. When my son was 6 months, they were like, "You're STILL nursing?". And when I said until he's at least a year old they'd say, "Wow, I could NEVER do that." And of course I wanted to say to them, yes you could! But, SOME of us know it's none of our business what another mom does with or for her children. Ugh. I've never had a moment where I felt truly offended and needed to say something in my defense, but if I ever did I most certainly would. Regardless of the subject matter, there's just no excuse for rudeness.

Janice - posted on 06/03/2012

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Natural duration is the term for not intervening in weaning.
I agree that it is perfectly natural to wean a child gently. I do it by age 2 myself and in the animal kingdom it is done too. However, I'm sure there are some animal mothers who do not choose to wean too

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 06/03/2012

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Jennifer, Natural duration or self weaning is allowing the baby/ child to decide when he or she weans not the mom. In some Eastern countries it is completely natural for a 5 year old to nurse. We as Westerners are the ones who have decided that it's unnatural to breastfeed for more than a year. Please learn your terms and do some research before coming and debating something you don't know much about.



My baby is nearly 15 months old I certainly don't 'force' her to nurse on the contrary I try to get her to stop 'comfort feeding' from me when I know she's not really hungry and only nursing because she can see my nipples or lift my shirt.



Sherri, I thought it was only up to 2 years from WHO. That's what I was told last week by the breast feeding people here in Kelowna.

Jennifer - posted on 06/02/2012

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Natural would actually be NOT letting the "baby" decide when they are done. Every animal I know of will push the baby off the teat when it's time so as to encourage them to be more independent. It is not natural for a baby to breast feed for 5 years or more....

Janice - posted on 06/02/2012

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Lol! Sherri isn't it funny that two people who are personally for weaning are arguing the case for natural duration :)

Janice - posted on 06/02/2012

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Yes, if a child was suckling consistently it can cause a problem. However, those who breastfeed into the pre-school years will tell you that it is often something done once a day or less so it does not lead to dental problems.

Mothers DO NOT FORCE their child to breastfeed. They give the child the option and some choose to continue, most choose to stop before they in school. There are hundreds off things that families do differently and any of them may cause one child to pick on another. Maybe we should be more focused on teaching our children kindness and understanding rather than conformity.

Jennifer - posted on 06/02/2012

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Janice- it is socially damaging to the poor child to be breast fed at age 5. As I said below, they go to school and innocently mention it to one kid who then tells others and then the kid is marked for life and most likely teased by classmates. There really is no reason besides the mothers own insecurities and desires to nurse a child that long and it is selfish to do so. Continued suckling with a mouth full of teeth is also more likely to lead to dental problems. (no matter if it is a pacifier, breast, or bottle being used)

Janice - posted on 06/01/2012

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Jennifer I do agree that breastfeeding at 5 is definitely not necessary. However, you are completely wrong about possible benefits. A child's immune system is not fully formed at 1 year and continuing to nurse boosts the immune system no matter what the person's age.

I personally don't see the need to go beyond 2-3 years but studies have shown that it is in no way detrimental to a child's development to go longer. So while breastfeeding a five year old may not be right for you (or even most), it certainly is not wrong.

Jennifer - posted on 06/01/2012

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I do feel like there is something wrong with breast feeding till a child is 5 years old! I feel just as strongly about them not using the bottle till then too! I don't think it's healthy for ANY kid to still need to suckle up to age 5. Even in the animal kingdom a mom will push the baby off the teat at the right time to encourage them to eat more solids and become more self sufficient. It's not normal or healthy to have a child breast feed for that long. It's not the fact that it's breast feeding, its that the child is feeding from a bottle, or breast at such a big age. I don't want to see a three year old with a pacifier either! They should be done with them by that time. Breast feeding up until that time does not benefit the child at all and will be more likely to cause problems for the Child. When they go to school with memories about sucking on mom's boob and share that with other kids, they are bound to be viewed as different and possibly even teased about it. Any immunity from illness that they would get from breast feeding is already acquired by the age of one. At that time, the babies OWN immune system should be taking over. I feel that a mother who continues that long is being selfish and potentially emotionally damaging their child.

Janice - posted on 06/01/2012

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Yes, when my daughter was around a year I began getting polite questions of when we would stop from friends and family. I began taking away 1 feed at a time at 10 months so I just responded that 2 years is recommended and that we had already began the weaning process. We stopped at 17 months. I never got any rude comments but my 1 friend did joke she would start talking behind my back if I didn't stop by the time KD was in pre-school/ 3 years old. That comment was a bit, but I really had/ have zero desire to go past age 2 so I knew it wouldn't matter.

Actually, the rudest thing was when my family threw me a small baby shower for 2nd baby. I was opening gifts and gushing over something I really wanted or needed for breastfeeding when someone asked how long I breastfed my 1st. I responded we gave up the last feed at 17 months. My cousin (who breastfed all 3 of hers but all less than a year) shot me the absolutely most disgusted look. I was quite annoyed but oh well.

[deleted account]

i think the decision belongs to the woman. i bottle fed and breast fed. hated breastfeeding and so quickly switched to exclusive bottle feeding. i would never try and force my decision non anyone else and i wouldn't say anything to another woman about breastfeeding her child past a certain age unless they were a family member or close friend.

Jasmine - posted on 05/31/2012

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I"m currently nursing a 5 month old and I would like to keep it up into toddlerhood. My husband thinks its weird to do it past a certain age when the child is talking, but I actually regret weaning my first child at 12 months.

Jennifer - posted on 05/31/2012

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I nursed my first born, dd, until she was 18 months and then she just stopped on her own. My second child, ds, was only nursed until he was 6 months old, but I had major issues and had to have emergency surgery, formula was mandatory and boy did I feel guilty...my third, ds, we adopted and of course I had to formula feed him (we adopted when he was 3 months). Once again, I feel like he was missing out on something, but also didn't have much of a choice at that time :( I was only asked once with dd and we were on the beach, she was covered completely and some older man asked what was beneath my blanket. I explained that I was feeding my daughter and he told me it was disrespectful to do that in public. I asked if he thought it was wrong for someone to take their child to a restaurant (ie. McDonalds) and allow their child to eat there? He giggled and said of course not. I then asked if it was ok for anyone to eat at the beach? He responded with a yes. At that point I told him I was feeding my daughter the way I chose to and where we were obviously didn't matter! His issue was with her age and b'fing in public! I told him basically to get over it! Obviously, I prefer breastfeeding, but understand the need for formula as well.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 05/31/2012

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Here in Kelowna we have Breast feeding coalitions (or however you spell it) and Breast feeding cafe's on Sundays downtown.

Sherri, exactly. My mom had asked me why I wanted to try and breastfeed a few times and I didn't have a problem with how she asked. It's all about tone and wording.

Karla - posted on 05/30/2012

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"Yup I have asked bottle or breastfeeding family and friends. They have also asked me several times as well. I just find it is a great start of a conversation about bottle or breastfeeding. I have never taken offense to it what so ever.

That's a good point Sherri, the way in which the question is worded and the tone of voice and body language could make all the difference.

Kelina - posted on 05/30/2012

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I've only ever had a few people react with a bad attitude towards me breastfeeding. Since I dealt with them and their attitudes in highschool as well I pretty much told her if she didn't like it I didn't care. When my first was born, my husband and my mom both winced when I'd latch him on in public because I didn't bother covering up after the first 3 months. There was no point, he'd just pull it off. Funny because I love to know WHY people choose to do things a certain way, and I'm dying to ask one of the moms at group why she's doing breast and bottle but haven't because of how I know it can be taken. I'm not judging her-I simply want to know why. Is there a way I could help her? Or is it just because she couldn't handle the sleep deprivation or baby wouldn't take the boob anymore? On a personal level I have a hard time understanding why anyone would choose to bottle feed if they can breastfeed but on an intellectual level I can absolutely understand why someone would choose to bottlefeed.

Sherri - posted on 05/30/2012

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Yup I have asked bottle or breastfeeding family and friends. They have also asked me several times as well. I just find it is a great start of a conversation about bottle or breastfeeding. I have never taken offense to it what so ever.



Although I have never known anyone personally to have ever gone longer than 6mo's and I will stop nursing my 3mo old by 12mo's. I know once he gets to be around the 6mo mark I will have more inquisitive people ask as it simply is not the norm here at all.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 05/30/2012

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With the baby it just suddenly happened. She wasn't having anything to do with the sippy cups but we were at White Spot and I had water and she wanted some. She's good at drinking from a cup and a straw.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/30/2012

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Oh the drinking from the straw. I just tried my son on one last weekend and he had no idea at first what to do. LOL He just put his mouth on it and had this look on his face like "OK Momma, what do you want me to do with this?" It was sooo cute. He did get it though, after his sissy and I, kept showing him to suck! heheheee Priceless!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 05/30/2012

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The only person in my family who has made a comment about the length of my breastfeeding (15 months next week) is my FIL. And he didn't even make to me, but to my husband! When my husband told me I replied, 'Like I'm going to listen to your dad, his main diet is beer, cigarettes and tea.'

My mom is across the country from me and aside from the beginning when I still lived at home and she made me cover up or go to another room when people were visiting she's been very supportive.

My husband has been very supportive of my breastfeeding and it's not like we haven't given our daughter sippy cups and other food. She can drink from a straw and does that when we go to resturaunts.

Jodi - posted on 05/30/2012

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I breatfed my first born until she was nearly two, I would probably still be breastfeeding her, but I had to stop due to my pregnancy being in danger. I am currently breastfeeding my 16 month old twins. By now, those who know me, know better than to say anything. For the "How long do you plan on doing THAT?" question, I sometimes reply with "Well, we'll have to see what kind of college she picks, if it's too far away, we'll have to quit or move, hopefully it's close and she can just stay at home with us!" Sometimes, if it seems they're just ignorant people I'll say something along the lines of "We'll keep going until it's not working anymore. For now, it's a great relationship." I've also made comments about "I'm trying to kick the habit, Breastfeeders Anonymous has really been helping! It's a 12 step program!"

I may not be used to the idea of breastfeeding an "older" child, but whatever works for mom AND child...who am I to tell them what to do? As for bottles, I hate seeing a child over say, 18 months, with a bottle hanging out of their mouths, but I would never say anything, not my kid, not my place.

Chelsey - posted on 05/30/2012

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@Rosie - normally I wouldnt have said anything either, but I'm pretty sure I was bitchy and hormonal that day so it just kind of popped out :)

Rosie - posted on 05/30/2012

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see, i still wouldn't do it then...i just don't think it's any of my business what other people do with their kids. giving a 10 month old iced cap is not my idea of greatness...and my mouth would be open and i'd tell who i was with what a d-bag they were...but to say something to their face? nope. not unless the child was being abused, and while giving a child coffee isn't on my list of things that i think is great, it's not abuse either.

Chelsey - posted on 05/30/2012

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The only time I have ever made a comment about someone else feeding their child is when i saw a woman giving her 10 month old an iced cap from Tim Hortons. Other than that I really think that it is none of my business whether or not they breastfeed, bottle feed with breastmilk or bottle feed with formula as long as their kid is eating. I would hope to be extended the same courtesy because unless you (general you) are going to be raising, paying for, clothing etc my child you get no say in how I start out feeding him or her.

Laura - posted on 05/30/2012

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I am a firm believer in child led weaning. I have told people on more than one occasion that I will stop breastfeeding when my daughter decides she doesn't need to anymore.

Rosie - posted on 05/30/2012

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i have never made comments about other people and they way they feed their children...i'll say something about it to myself or a friend if i think it's not the way i'd do it, but i'm not daft enough to say anything to their face. i realize that it's their kid and they can do what they want...i don't give a shit.

Dove - posted on 05/30/2012

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After reading a couple of comments... I guess I'm pretty lucky that my mom breastfed me and my brother til 2-3 because she was my biggest supporter. ♥

Lady Heather - posted on 05/30/2012

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Yeah, I wonder about some of the details on that mat leave thing. As MeMe said, not every woman in Canada gets mat leave. My sister didn't because she had to go on bed rest so she didn't get her work hours in. There was no provision for that. Oddly enough there is apparently an exception made if you wind up in jail.

And I have a cousin in Luxembourg who has one kid and another on the way. These rankings make Luxembourg look meh. You should hear how much money they get as baby bonuses! They don't need "mat leave". They get paid to have babies. Also there's the minimum five weeks paid vacation if you do work. Sigh.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/30/2012

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Celeste, yes some of those that do believe strongly in one choice, are able to see the reasoning for some to go a different route. You are one of those.



Although, I have been on many breastfeeding versus bottle debates and there are many women that do not and will not, accept that this is a personal choice for a mother. I have often heard, that if you formula feed and have not even tried to breastfeed, you are selfish. Without even trying to understand why they have not tried breastfeeding. Some women are just not comfortable with it. Some women were not brought up with it (I wasn't but I did still breastfeed, so there are exceptions) or have not done their own research or plainly see it as not appropriate.



ETA:

And some just don't want to or have to go directly back to work.



It really is no ones business. Just feed the beautiful baby and be happy with your own choice. Leave others out of your reasons, since they just may have a differing purpose.

Celeste - posted on 05/30/2012

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"I think those that have strong feelings about either choice, have never been in a situation where they were made to understand the other choice, from what they choose. I also think, that person is not being open to why a choice other than their own, was chosen"

I'm not sure if that's accurate. I think you can have strong feelings about a choice but understand the other choice. As I shared in another thread, I struggled to nurse my twins. Well, the whole nursing experience with my twins was just a struggle. I consider myself Lactivist, I have strong feelings about breastfeeding. In fact, I hope to become an IBCLC one day. But, I would never outright judge someone for using formula (well, because I have too)..


Back on the subject, I am what you call a "closet" breastfeeder. None of my family knows how long I nursed my twins because I was afraid of what they would say. They're not exactly supportive of extended nursing..

Oh and this question from the OP:
Is it EVER ok so say how you really feel?

Honestly, I don't think so. I would never go up to a bottle feeder and say "Well, why aren't you breastfeeding? I think bottle feeders are x y and z!" Just like I would never want anyone to say "OMG, you nursed your twins past this age! You're disgusting!" to me. To me, it's about respect. I may not agree with the choice (and vice versa) but they (and me) are making the best choice we feel for our family.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/30/2012

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Karla--Canada:
Length Of Maternity Leave: 52 Weeks
Percentage Of Wages Paid: 55 per cent at 17 weeks for maternity leave, and the additional 35 weeks can be taken by either parent. Wages also depend on province.


I know you said you are not sure how much is accurate. I just wanted to make it aware that, while the info for Canada is true, it is only somewhat true. The 55% of wage paid is only 55% up to a set amount. The set amount, is somewhere between $40 000 and $45 000. So, if you are over that annual wage bracket, you only get 55% of $40 000 - $45 000 and it is through E.I (not an employer, just for clarity purposes). I make well over $45 000 and therefore, I had to take $15 000 out of my RRSP savings to get by for the year, while off. Also, you have to have at least 10 months of full time hours behind you before they will give you E.I.

Jenni - posted on 05/30/2012

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Meme- "I think those that have strong feelings about either choice, have never been in a situation where they were made to understand the other choice, from what they choose. I also think, that person is not being open to why a choice other than their own, was chosen."

-- I completely agree. I was a hardened breastfeeder with my first and I admit I could not wrap my head around why any other mother would choose formula over breastfeeding. I couldn't understand the stats I read where most women "gave up" (my impression) on breastfeeding between 2 weeks to 6 months. I thought formula feeding was selfish and I passed judgement (not out loud) on formula feeding moms, I felt superior to them. Until I was put in a situation myself where the best option *was* formula.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/30/2012

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Yep, I have been asked and terribly nagged about how long I would breastfeed my daughter. This was by my mother. When I moved out here (NS), I had to live with her for a year (while getting my shit together) and I was still breastfeeding my daughter (she was 14 months). I heard it all day and everyday "Well, you know, I think it is time for you to let go and stop breastfeeding a TODDLER!". It irked me to all extents. We did get into disputes about it and I was made to feel like I was a very shitty mother for not considering my daughters' needs (according to my mother, that is). Needless to say, we often got into battles about it (but whats new, with her). Eventually, after 2.5 months of this nagging, I just gave up and stopped breastfeeding her. I wanted to go to 18 months. I was just shy 1.5 months. I do resent my mother for her attitude but then again, I resent her for a whole whack of things. Meh.

I have never ever made a comment to another mother for how long she is going to breastfeed, why she is breastfeeding or in regards to a bottle. I really don't care how long either goes. Although, I will attest, that I do look at it strangely after a certain age but that does not mean I feel the need to express it. To each is own here.

How do I really feel about breast or bottle. I think they are both very appropriate. I think it is a mothers choice and I do not think either of them are wrong choices. I definitely lean toward the breast for myself, as long as I am able to do it. Of course breast milk is often best, not always though. If it causes the mother to be stricken with extreme displeasure/grief (from trying) or the mother is an abuser of a toxic substance or the baby just doesn't accept the breast or the mother just does not feel comfortable or does not want to. These are all reasonable and appropriate reasons for many, to not breastfeed.

Before my son, I would have been more restricted to ONLY breastfeeding but my experience of medical issues and breastfeeding, opened my eyes to if you choose or must formula feed, it is not a bad thing, at all. My son is thriving big time! You would never ever know, that he was only breastfed for 3 months. My daughter is 14, you would never ever know she was breastfed.

As for using breast milk in a bottle, I am all for that. If your baby will accept it and the mother/father wants to.

I think those that have strong feelings about either choice, have never been in a situation where they were made to understand the other choice, from what they choose. I also think, that person is not being open to why a choice other than their own, was chosen.

In the end, what a baby was fed during infancy is not going to determine how they are later in life. there simply is not solid evidence. There are theories and suggested beliefs but they have not been proven. I was formula fed, my entire family on both sides were too (except my kids) and each one of them are healthy and intelligent. The only ones that are unhealthy are my uncles and my deceased grandfather because they are severe alcoholics.

Jenni - posted on 05/30/2012

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Nope, can't say I have. I did have an elderly woman come up to see my daughter on a walk. She gushed over her and then asked me if she was breastfed. I was a little caught off guard, it seemed odd to me for a stranger to ask about how I fed my child. I said yes and she said: "Oh you can tell!" excitedly. lol Whatever, that meant.



I've both breast and bottle fed my children and I can honestly say that is the only time anyone has ever commented on how I feed my children. Aside from family and friends who just asked questions out of curiosity but it was never negative.



And I do not give two hoots how other women feed their child. Breastfeeding can be damn hard if not impossible for some women, I am rather indifferent to how other women feed their child. I believe that 99.9% of women make the decision in the best interest of their child and family. My milk dried up twice with my son and with my daughter between 6-8 months. Why the hell would I pass judgement on another mom who could very likely have experienced similar hardships as me?

Celeste - posted on 05/30/2012

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No strangers asked me about it. But my family sure did. On Mother's Day, of all days, my mom and sister asked me. Then, they decided to make fun of me, saying that my boys are going to get a boob fetish (LOL), and other stupid things. From that point on, it's something I refused to talk to them about.

I would NEVER say anything about their choices (my sister doesn't have kids, but when she does, I'll offer my support if she plans to breastfeed).

In my area, breastfeeding isn't the norm, so people probably assumed that I bottle fed my kids.

Mary - posted on 05/30/2012

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I never had anyone ask me how long I planned to nurse her, nor make anything other than positive comments about my nursing. In truth - after the first 8ish weeks, no one really said much of anything about it one way or the other. I've said in other threads, pretty much everyone I know - family, friends, co-workers - all breastfed for at least a year. It's not that it was something not talked about, but more that someone would no more notice it as any more unusual for me to nurse her than for me to change her diaper.

The only exception was a "friend" - one of those types who sort of sees herself in competition/comparison with everyone else. Molly was probably 10ish months old, I had just arrived at work, and was putting my pump in my locker. She noticed it and said, "Oh - I didn't realize you were still breastfeeding - I can't believe you're still putting yourself through that!" I'm not sure if she was referring to breastfeeding in general, or just the pumping part. Thing is, although she had absolutely no unusual issues with nursing her daughter, who was almost exactly a year older than mine, she absolutely hated it. She stuck with it for 6 months - and I think most of that was because it really is pretty unheard of - especially among the nurses we worked with - for someone not to. However, I think she felt a little guilty about stopping when she did, and did not like her feeling that she was somehow inferior to those of us who not only seemed to enjoy it, but also went to that one year mark (or beyond).

Becky - posted on 05/29/2012

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I have had people ask when I planned to wean, but I always interpreted it as curiousity, not judgement. Generally, it was my family who asked. With my second, who I did nurse until just before his second birthday, they did suggest at times that it was time to wean him. Mostly, that was after I got pregnant again, and I think it was out of concern for what effect continuing to breastfeed might have on the baby. I never took it negatively, because it was my family and I knew they supported me.

I have never asked someone how long they planned to breastfeed. I would say my opinion on breastfeeding is pretty much the same as what Dove expressed. I think it's wonderful, I think there are a lot of good reasons to at least try it, and I have a little difficulty understanding why a person would refuse to even try. But, I also think that as long as a person isn't giving their newborn cheeseburgers or sugar water, how they feed them is none of my business, so I don't judge. I do get a little bent out of shape when people say they didn't breastfeed because it is gross or sexual though, as I strongly feel it is neither. (If they were sexually abused and can't get past the association with that, that is different.)



Editted to add - Almost everyone I know with kids around here breastfed for some length of time. However, I don't know many who went much past a year, so I guess I was a bit of an anomaly going to 2 years, which is why I would get asked about it. That, and a lot of people still think it is dangerous to continue breastfeeding when you are pregnant.

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