Confessions of a Circumcised American Dad

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Tara - posted on 03/24/2011

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Great. My brother was circ''d, so he had his first born done too. He went in with him, they strapped Josh down, my brother tried to soothe him, they put a gel on him, then stuck him with a needle in several placs around his penis. Then they started, my brother yelled "wait, stop." they escorted him out and told him he was being disruptive. His son had no obvious problems until about 6 weeks post-op. Then my brother noticed that whenever Josh had an erection when changing him, his penis would be pointed hard left, he went back to the ped. and was told that his son's penis must have been crooked to begin with. (he was 7 weeks when the circ was done) my brother said "no, his penis stood straight before the circ." they insisted otherwise. When his second son was born, he and his now ex wif, fought long and hard about getting Noah done. My brother won as his opinion was "as the only adult with a penis, if anyone should make that choice it should be the owner of the penis," so he was left intact. Growing up the younger brother always said "my penis is bigger than yours" much to the dismay of my brother. And now as a 14 year old with a growing organ. he has been back to a urologist because of it being too tight when he is erect as well because his penis pulls uncomfortably to the left, so much that he has stretch marks on the right side from the consistent pulling.
Poor kid will always have trouble with his penis, while his little brother has had no problems and likely never will.
My brother still feels immense guilt for having his son done, he feels a lot of anger toward the hospital for not stopping when he said stop. They claim he had signed off on the release and they were within their rights to have him removed from the OR to ensure the safety of the patient is maintained. (a little ironic don't you think, considering the patient is a baby having his cock cut)
so... I can totally relate to this guy, my brother suffers the same guilt and remorse about his sons manly organ.
He now believes that anyone who chooses to circ is violating a person's rights. And he is the most non-confrontational person I know. But this one thing has made him more aware of human rights.
He only hopes that his son will forgive him for not researching this more, for not being his advocate. For not protecting hm from bodily harm.

I like the part of the video when he says "If we did this to prisoners in a prison camp we would be charged with war crimes." completely true. And if we went into a country and started doing RIC on all babies born in the hospital built by liberating forces, the populace would also cry "war crimes".

Charlie - posted on 03/24/2011

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There are SO many stories like this one , on youtube , in blog form and in posts on several forums and pages dedicated to parenting where these stories have been shared .

I think it is disgusting when people try and dismiss genuine feelings of men who feel the loss and pain of being circumcised , I see it over and over in debates on the topic had it been a girl any person who dared dismiss her feelings would be seen as the unfeeling , unempathetic person they are .

Tara I am mortified your brother asked them to stop and they PROCEEDED and removed him from the room surely that is then against consent of the parent too .

Sarah - posted on 03/25/2011

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I'm finally beginning to see the light in regards to circumcision. I used to be VERY pro-circumcision, but now I can see where it makes MUCH more sense to let the boy choose for himself. His body, his decision. :)

Johnny - posted on 03/24/2011

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I don't think it matters where and who made this video. It's clearly a man genuinely expressing his beliefs and his feelings of regret. Whether or not you believe in circumcision, it is unkind to dismiss a person's heartfelt experience on a topic.

He is brave to discuss this. Having two men in my life with similar opinions, I am not surprised by what he was saying. I used to be pro-circ. That changed largely because of my father, another circed man suggesting I research the topic more intensively. And then my husband, also a circed man, doing the research and becoming very opposed to the practice himself.

Karla - posted on 03/24/2011

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I went to the whole network website. I think going there for your "research" (and I use that word very loosely) on circumcision is not unlike going to FOX NEWS for your news.

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Cheree - posted on 03/29/2011

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i have 2 boys who were circumsised at 6 weeks. No problems here..and i dont know any grown male who has ever questioned their parents about the whereabouts of their foreskin LOL

Jaime - posted on 03/26/2011

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It's unfortunate that this dad had to learn things the hard way, but his testimony will likely help thousands of others make the choice NOT to circumcise.

Janessa - posted on 03/26/2011

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Interesting interview I did not circumced my son beccause his father and I did allot of research on this. My boyfriend is not circumcised, no boys on his father side is. Plus how would you all like it if girls had to be circumcised it is the samething thing people are removing a part of the body that was made for a processed So by removing it I think it is saying your not perfect the way your were made that is what brings to my mind. I think if people that are pro circumcison should be pro all pro circumcison for girls as well period.

Merry - posted on 03/26/2011

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Sarah, I think many of us have changed sides on the circumcision topic since coming to circle of moms. I know I have :) the amount of information is staggering, if only they tell you these things at your obgyn visits or in the prenatal classes. I can't believe I was so mis informed. Shame on myself but also shame on my obgyn for circumcising my son without me understanding fully the ramifications and risks of the surgery.

ME - posted on 03/26/2011

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One of the things I am most grateful for is that my husband convinced me that this was not a decision I should make for my son! He is uncirc'd and the more I learn, the better I feel about that decision!

Johnny - posted on 03/25/2011

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And people say this endless debating of the topic is pointless....

Merry - posted on 03/25/2011

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Alexis, I think my husband too is starting to wonder what he is missing out on. He isn't too talkative about his penis, but he is now a very strong intactivist. I think it's just hard for him to admit he doesn't like what his parents did to him. Every man tries to believe his penis is the best right! Its like their pride and glory so to speak :)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/25/2011

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Thank you for posting this Julianne. I am impressed by this man being so open about this issue. Most men would not sit in front of a camera, and openly discuss this.

Alexis - posted on 03/25/2011

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I am lucky, we wanted to have our son circumsized simply because my husband was but we didn't have the money up front in the timespan that our ped was willing to do it, so we didnt do it. Now that I have learned more about it and have talked to the doc and our nephews parents about how bad it is during the cut\healing process I am happy I didnt have the means to do it at the time. My hubby even has some sense of loss now that he has learned of all the benefits of having an intact, the sensitivity and all.

Tara - posted on 03/25/2011

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@Loureen,
Yes my brother thought it was wrong, he went to the administrator at the hospital afterwards and was told that because he had signed the consent, and part of that consent was that if the child was accompanied into the OR by a parent and that parent became disruptive they would be removed. (this is for anything to do with any patient at any time. Zero tolerance policy for disruptive behaviour of any sort that can be seen as "compromising the ability of the attending staff to perform their duties"
So he had no recourse, because yes he was disruptive, he was belligerent and he was kind of frantic.
So they did what their policy allows them to do.
Shitty for him, he still feels awful about it, and it's now 14 years later. :( and the poor kid will always have problems because of it.

Mrs. - posted on 03/24/2011

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OH Lord..

Circ'ing is like a war crime.

You know what the real crime is....that dude's beard.

If the most you have to apologize for to your son about his childhood is getting him cir'd - you probably did okay.

Stealing shame and guilt from the best religions for your cause might work though. Some of the major religions that are pro-cir have being using it to get their points across for years too. Good luck with that.

[deleted account]

@karla
If you go to one source for your research that is the equivalent of letting someone else think for you.
Plus a great deal of their information is based on studies and facts. Circumcision is a cosmetic surgery. It serves no purpose. That is fact.

Karla - posted on 03/24/2011

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I agree this man is genuine in his feelings, however he was OBVIOUSLY chosen specifically for this interview by the WHOLE network because he is opposed to circumcision. Far from unbiased and not at all what my circ'ed husband feels about our decision to circ our son. There is no guilt or regret in our family regarding our decision.

Nikkole - posted on 03/24/2011

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If i had it to do over again i would NEVER have had my son circumcised but i know now and i try to change views on this subject and i hope i can get one less little boy cir'd!

[deleted account]

My son is upset by my decisions on a daily basis.... of course, he IS almost 3.... ;)

If he happens to somehow eventually be upset about his penis... I'll just explain to him how it was just one of the millions of decisions I've made as his mom and I did what I thought was best. He 'should' understand that since he's already used to not liking my decisions. lol

Rosie - posted on 03/24/2011

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i don't get the guilty thing either. IF my children are upset by us circumcising them i still won't feel guilty. i will apologize to them, but i have no regret. i did what i believe is best for my children. i have nothing to feel guilty about.

Ez - posted on 03/24/2011

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I can understand that Laura, and I think it's commendable that you do speak out about it. All of us have done things that we later feel to be mistakes. When we know better, we do better.

Merry - posted on 03/24/2011

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I don't think it does any good either, but I can't just say I don't feel guilty anymore! But I try to use my experience to help other moms have all the info before they do it to their sons.

Ez - posted on 03/24/2011

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See I don't think guilt does anyone any good. But I do think hearing stories like this man's should serve as inspiration to parents considering circumcision to look further into it. Seeing his pain and distress would raise a lot of questions for me if I was in the process of making a major decision for my child.

[deleted account]

If Gabby was a boy, she would have been circumcised. I would feel extremely guilty about it knowing what i know now.

Merry - posted on 03/24/2011

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Sharon, for those of us who were mis informed about circumcision it's quite likely we do carry guilt. Those who know all the facts and still choose it will likely not feel guilty. If you are told myths as truths, etc then your decision wasn't made with full disclosure- so you could find out later that had you had all the facts you would have chosen differently.
If you went into circumcision with full disclosure fo the risks etc then I don't doubt you wouldn't feel guilt!

Minnie - posted on 03/24/2011

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Sometimes a simple 'we did the best we could with what we knew at the time' is sufficient.



If my first had been a boy she would have undoubtedly been circumcised. I am thankful every day she is not. But there are other things that we did as parents, thinking that they were the right choices, when now we know they were not. It is unclear whether she has been damaged or not. There is a possibility she has. We'll be apologizing to her if the subjects come up later.



I think that if she had been a boy and had been circumcised, knowing what we know now, that we would be ferreting some money away for restoration if she (he) wanted it later in life.

[deleted account]

Tara, you have a valid point, and I suppose we'll cross that path if and when he ever questions it.

Tara - posted on 03/24/2011

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@Sharon,
That may be the case right now, but what if your son feels you did an unjust thing to him by having him circ'd?
What if he asks you why you chose to remove a functioning part of HIS body without HIS consent?
I imagine there will be some guilty feelings when answering those questions to your child.
If he grows up content with his altered penis and never asks questions or anything, I can see where you wouldn't feel any guilt (as I know you are pro-circ, regardless of the large amount of anti-circ info) however I hope that if your son does want answers, you will be able to give them without making him feel as if there was something wrong with how he was born. I also hope you have a plan to deal with any blame he may place on you for future issues he may have due to his circ.

[deleted account]

"the parents carry the guilt."

I disagree. Myhusband and I made a decision together and I have nothing to feel guilty about for having my son circumsized.

Merry - posted on 03/24/2011

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Yeah, not looking forward to apologizing to my son either, it's sad what you wish you knew back then. Almost 70% in America were left intact in 2009. I'm ashamed to say my son isn't in that group. He was in the vast minority of unlucky boys whose parents were either un-iinformed or mis-informed. Either way, the boy carries the scar, and the parents carry the guilt.

Katherine - posted on 03/24/2011

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To tell him it didn't hurt is ridiculous! I think it's great that he came out and talked about it.
And also to tell him only poor people don't circ is something that sounds ridiculous too. Of course it costs money to circ!!
I like the way he researched and finally decided not to circ his son.
This is a good video.

[deleted account]

I think the guy is certainly brave enough to talk about his experiences. He's certainly entitled to his opinions and beliefs. I wouldn;t exactly say he was set-up, but perhaps loosley scripted. Perhaps the interviewer prompted the guy as to what questions would be asked. But again, I applaud the guy for the courage it takes to put himself on screen to the world. Perhaps making this video was therapeutic in a sense.

Louise - posted on 03/24/2011

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I think the whole thing is wrong but i am sure if I had been brought up in the faith that does this to it's male children I would see no wrong with it. There is no way I would of let anybody do this to my two sons, it was bad enough watching them have the heal prick tests!

Ez - posted on 03/24/2011

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It's no surprise that I love this. I know pro-circers are going to claim it's set up because it was produced by the WHOLE Network. But he seemed genuine in both his initial discomfort talking about such a personal topic, and his regret of allowing it to be done to his son.

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