cutting off grandparents

[deleted account] ( 14 moms have responded )

While my grandmother was a saint in my eyes and essentially raised me, my children's grandparents have not been the best in that department... The kids father is not even that and never has been there in any aspect (his parents tried to get "grandparents rights" but I fought them in court, they were violating the PFA I had against the paternal unit) so they are not in the picture, and my mother is a christian extremest "bible pusher" who has a nasty habit of marrying child molesters. So in the interest of healthy, safe development of my children their maternal grandfather is the only one in the picture... and a very small role he does play... lets debate: do grandparents have rights to your children, is it ok to choose or discard of yours or your children's family, and why...

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[deleted account]

I have totally cut off my soon to be ex-husbands family. ALL of them. They have raised 3 peodphiles in 2 generations and when my child told someone on that side of the family they told the offender to tell me. Um....Nope. Get away from my kids and stay away. They are no longer and never will be allowed to be a part of my childrens lives again. I will choose who is in my childrens lives and who isn't. I think it is perfectly right for a parent to decide who is best for their children to be around.

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Corinne - posted on 12/03/2011

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Plus, the M.I.L has struck her son as an adult for not doing her bidding. She also got nasty with my daughter for crying when she was tired, she was 2yrs old at the time and had been walking for 2hrs. She also had a complaint from a student who claimed she'd slammed a table into him, she said she'd slipped. It didn't come to anything, but I believe the kid. We're better off without.

Corinne - posted on 12/03/2011

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I believe that is something for the parents to decide. My 'father' has no contact with me or my children as he was abusive towards myself and my mother, I wouldn't trust him with my rats let alone another human life. We're also recently estranged from my husbands mother and step father, due to her unsuccessful bid to break us up, via sprending lies about me. My husband has said he 'doesn't want that poisonous influence in their (the kids) lives'. We're still debating over his Gran, as she had supported us when the lies started and then did a 180 and joined in the affray. I, personally, could do without someone who is willing to stab us in the back, but my husband has just taken to mostly ignoring her. Good job none of these people live close to us.

Stifler's - posted on 12/02/2011

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I think it's my right to choose who I expose my children to. My mother in law has a screw loose and every time we see her I have a good mind to never speak to her again.

Ashley - posted on 12/02/2011

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I think that if the grandparent is negative in the childs life than the parents have the right to cut them out, however I know that sometimes just b/c you can't see your kids with their grandparents (due to personal problems the 2 of you have) does not mean that the grandparent will be a bad influence. I had to really get over my views on my FIL and I am glad I did he has been very helpful to me this pregnancy and the kids adore him. He fights his demons but he has never shown them to his grandbabies (he is a recovering alcoholic who is 8+m sober) and he works very hard to be in my kids lives. my MIL doesn't even bother but she has her own bitterness against me but I will never stop her from being in my kids life should she make an effort. Then there are my parents who are amazing, definitely the kind of people who paid their debts raising kids to be grandparents :)

Ashley - posted on 12/02/2011

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I beleive No one but the bio parents should ever have rights to your children if you are a healthy loving parent, the only way anyone should ever be allowed to step in is with are concent or if the parents were unfit, i may be bias as im going through a court case with a non bio parent and has acualy sucseded in geting acsses to My child, the courts are a joke. Im the mother i have been there every day of my childs life wiped every nose, wiped every tear and whitnesed every smile, everything my child owns i have bought yet someone else who has done nothing for my child can decide that they want to be apart of my childs life spend enough money and guess what he gets acsess. with out my permision for good reson, anyway sorry kinda went off but no they should not.

Lisa - posted on 12/02/2011

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I am a grandparent who has been very involved in His life.my daughter needed me so I was there all the time.when she started junior college she told me she trusts noone like she does me. so I started to watgh A, for her. in the first three years of his life not more than 3 days went by that I didnt see him. we became very close and as so did my husband. sometimes he wqs with us for days as a convienience to my daughter. and 13 hr shifts of babysitting.. but recently she met a new guy and has been told that we are too close too our grandson by him. she believes this and now we dont see him hardly ever and if we do she tells us she has to be present at all times. she was upset because A. didnt want to go with her and cried. when he does this she spsanks him till he stopps crying so i say something about it and she now doesnt contact us much at all. We miss him so much and he doesnt know why he cant see us any more like we did. any advise?

Sherri - posted on 06/01/2011

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Yes in my case I believe they do. I am all for grandparents rights. In my experience it is not okay to discard them as family in your childs life. I feel grandparents have an enormous place in a childs life and I believe if they are good people they should have grandparents rights.

[deleted account]

Since every family situation and dynamics are different, Grandparent's Rights should be a case-by-case determination. Some grandaparents are wonderful, others are crappy. My sister has cut-off her former MIL. Her kids don't lack from it either. If safety is the priority, then it does not matter WHO is cut out of your kid's life. Now I do beleive that Grandparent's do have rights when it is clear that they contribute in a positive manner, and significantly impact a child's life. But that is all for the court to decide.

Bernie - posted on 05/31/2011

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It is unfortunate for Grandparents who miss out on Grandkids but in cases I have witnessed first hand, they have made no attempt or showed any interest in Grandchild(ren), so in that case one would not feel for them.
But then there are Grandparents out there who are cut off from Grandchildren at no fault of their own but due to conflicts in the relationships with their child (adult) and their significant other, thats when you feel sorry for them.

Amber - posted on 05/31/2011

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I think that if the grandparents can prove that they will bring something valuable to the child's life without hindering them, then they should have rights. But I really believe it is up to the parents discretion in most cases.

My father is not my son's grandfather. He was (and still is) an abusive alcoholic. I will not subject my child to that under any circumstances. When my son is old enough to understand, I will explain it to him. Safety has to come first though.

My mother and her husband and my in-laws are all wonderful grandparents and I encourage those relationships. My son just spent a week with his paternal grandparents while his dad and I took a vacation to Florida. It's wonderful to have that extended family for him.

They all know our house rules and have to stick to the basics. I don't nit-pick them, but want the big things the same and they follow it.

[deleted account]

If you remove family blood from your childs life while they are too young to make the decision themself, please be prepared to answer future inquiries about the subject later. Your opinion may differ from your childs, trust me, I know. My daughter is the polar opposite of me, and when I thought she'd want to meet her biological family, she has no interest. Short, sweet, public visits are perfect for these folks.

Constance - posted on 05/31/2011

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I think making decisions based on what you feel is right for your child is the decision you have to make. As far as Grandparents rights I am on the fence. Part of me says they should bcause they are not responsible for what te father is doing. On the other hand if the fathe is't going to be involved then wy put you child through the hurt and pain of his brief appearences.
I cut my MIL off completely about 9 years ago. She has always been a nasty bitch but the last time I and my children saw her she hit my son for playing with the buttons on the microwave. She is lucky she is still alive.
Just because they are blood doesn't mean they are good for you or your child.

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