Dads name,mums name or something in between???

[deleted account] ( 17 moms have responded )

What do you think about kids last names?

Should they have dads last name whether you are married,defacto,separated,single or whatever??

Is it ok to give kids your maiden name if you are unmarried and will be living WITHOUT the dad?

Why do so many people think it is necessary to use dads name even if he is not going to be a big part of the childs life,if you are not living together and are not married?

I have heard people say it is confusing if the kids don't have dads name but i have not personally experienced this "confusion"...actually it would have been much more confusing if my son DID have his fathers last name.

Opinions and experiences please !!!!

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17 Comments

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Emma - posted on 02/17/2013

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Please help me. I'm going to be single mom now I'm 37 weeks pregnant. should I give to my baby boy giving his father's last name ? People and my family don't know I'll be single mom, they think I have boyfriend ...

Jakki - posted on 02/02/2013

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This is my favorite debate!

I strongly support giving the child your own name or a combination of mother/father's names. I feel that changing your name when you get married is a creepy leftover from the middle ages, and now that we have realised that women and men are equal, we need to ditch the practice. And once you have kept your own name, there comes no good reason for the kids to just have their dad's name, especially if the mother is the one doing most of the caring/child raising.

Apart from that, so many people split up after they have children (whether or not they are married), it is horrendous to have your child carrying their father's name all their life when you are doing all the work. I know lots of women in this position and they are all pissed off they let the kids have dad's name only.

Miriam - posted on 02/02/2013

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I'm a single mom and I am no longer with my son's father. I chose for my son to have my last name, and I am so glad that I did. We broke up when my son was 6 months. It was important to me that my son amd i have the same last name. So when I get married, if I change my last name, my son will to. I also want my children to all have the same last names, regardless of who the biological father is. DNA does not a father make.

Tabitha - posted on 06/04/2012

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My son has his father's middle name and last name. My daughter has my middle name and last name. And if we were to get married both would have his last name but the middle names would stay the same.

Mrs. - posted on 06/02/2012

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I think you are right Elfrieda. I have some Nordic ancestors and all of the son's names are like that.

Elfrieda - posted on 06/01/2012

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I've heard something cool about Iceland, not sure if it's true so correct me if I'm wrong.

They go by their same-sex parent's first name and then stick "dottir" (daughter) or "son" at the end of it. Like, I would be Elfrieda Anitasdottir, because my mom's name is Anita, and my son would be Thomas Jamesson, because my husband's name is James. I LOVE this idea, it seems so perfect. So your sons and daughters would have different last names, but it doesn't matter because it's the common way of doing things.

I've also heard that the phone books go by first name. Again, such a great plan!

Mrs. - posted on 06/01/2012

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My daughter has her father's last name, not mine. We weren't married when she was born, but I've never taken my husband's last name. It will sound old fashioned, but, for me, I'm proud of my father/carrying his last name and it felt right to give that same experience with her father to my kid.

A friend of mine did something kind of cool. They have two kids. The first one was given the mother's last name, the second got the father's. I think it might be a bit confusing at school and at border crossings...but it is a nice compromise.

My other friend, changed her name when she got married. They merged their two names legally to create a new last name and their children now have that name. Although, it is not for me, I thought it was pretty cool.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 06/01/2012

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It worked pretty good for me, since my son has no idea what a last name means and by the time he does, I will have his last name and my daughter won't care. Since she will be 17, going on 18 and getting ready to fly the coupe anyhow. LOL

[deleted account]

i gave my son my maiden name because i was on and off with his dad. We broke up for good by the time he was 1 year old. When he was 9 i got married and he now has my husbands name (my married name) which he wanted...it certainly would not have been forced on him and his dad agreed to this.

I am happy it worked out this way as i would have felt strange changing my name to my married name then having a baby who would also share my name if my son had to keep my maiden name or else change it to his dads. I think either way it would have been stupid.

Sherri - posted on 06/01/2012

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Well since I was getting married when my oldest son was born it was a no brainer he would have dads last name. I didn't want my oldest son to be the only one in the entire family with a different last name, especially since I went on to have 3 more children after we were married.

Becky - posted on 06/01/2012

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My kids have their father's last name, since we're married and I took his name too. However, if we had not been married or engaged when they were born, I probably would have given them my last name, so that if he took off and wasn't involved in their lives, they wouldn't have the last name of some man they didn't even know. Maybe given them both if we were in a relationship and it was going well or if we were living together, but if there were any doubts about whether he'd stick around, I think they only would have had my last name. I don't see the point in giving a child the last name of a father who is only marginally involved, or not involved at all, from the time the baby is born.

Stifler's - posted on 06/01/2012

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I know a lot of kids who have changed their names since school like one from her step dads last name back to her dads (mum must have changed it so they culd all have the same name) and people who have dropped the hyphen and just use one name.

Tracey - posted on 06/01/2012

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As long as they keep the same name throughout childhood. A child in my son's class had his surname changed whenever mum got a new boyfriend, in 6 years at primary school he had 3 different names.

Jodi - posted on 06/01/2012

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I think it should be whatever the parents agree on. Both my children have their fathers' names, but my husband's daughter from a previous relationship has her mothers name (my husband agreed to it), and my brother's newborn has his mother's name (and they are married). So while it may feel a little strange because it isn't necessarily "traditional", I don't see it as something other people should care about.

Lady Heather - posted on 05/31/2012

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My kids have both. I do know a lot of people with married parents who have their mum's name though. I don't know if it is standard practice in Quebec, but my stepfamily give their kids both names in the order if their choice. Women more commonly keep their names there I think. My step siblings even have sibling cousins with different last names. I thought about switching the order for my second baby but I just plain don't like the sound of Norrgard Livingstone so I couldn't do it.

As to what I think people should do -whatever they want? Haha. It would be weird to me though if the dads name was passed on without his involvement.

Firebird - posted on 05/31/2012

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My daughter has her dad's last name, but if I realized when I was pregnant that I would be leaving him in 5 years, I probably would have given her both our last names.

A friend of mine, who kept her maiden name when she married, also gave her daughter her maiden name. With her husband's blessing of course. lol Actually for a while, he was considering taking her last name too. Not because it's an excessively awesome name, he just doesn't get on well with most of his family.

Stifler's - posted on 05/31/2012

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Mine got their dads name because we were going to get married and I wanted to take his name. I don't really know anyone who gave their kids their own name unless dad wasn't in the picture.

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