Dads on CoM?

Dana - posted on 01/16/2010 ( 61 moms have responded )

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Do you think dads should be allowed on CoM? Do you think some single dads will start trolling for women? What are your thoughts on this?

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~Jennifer - posted on 01/16/2010

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(Letter to CoM)



Hi Lisa & Lee,



Just writing about this because a few of us (in Debating Mums community) have been discussing this whole "can dads be on CoM? ' question.



I had the beginnings of an idea, and it's gotten some good reactions, so I figured I'd pass it along to you..(i'm just going to copy what I posted as the base theory):



"What I think should be done, honestly, is that the developers should have a Circle of Dads app, as well as a Circle of Parents app alongside CoM - and link all 3 together.

Moms have their forum, dads have theirs, and ALL members are linked to the 'parents' forum - something like - switch the 'welcome' page to the "parents' page - does that make sense?

You sign up, you click on mom OR dad, you're entered into your gender-specific forum, and linked together by the parenting forum (formerly the welcome page).



I think it would work wonderfully if they could do something along those lines."



Now, obviously, I'm not a software developer, so I don't know how difficult it would be to do something like this, but, if there are dads that want to join CoM - would it be very difficult to have a Mom community, a Dad Community, and have both linked to the "Parenting" community?



In that way, the moms retain their privacy, the dads have their own private area, and we can all discuss common interests freely in a co-ed area.



.....just an idea.



Thanks for your time,



~Jenn Maivia~

**********************************************



I just sent this to Lisa & Lee (lee is one of the developers)

lisa@circleofmoms.com

lee@circleofmoms.com



I say we write to them and show support for the dads and the 'parenting' community aspect.

So, if you agree, let's all get together and see if we can work this thing out......whattya say?

~Jennifer - posted on 01/16/2010

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I agree, Amie, I really do.....BUT.....when people make such a stink over the fact that 'we have something they don't" and they DO have it, just didn't care to find it themselves, I tend to get a little ticked off. (Dunno about you, but I do enough for the 'men' in my house without having to find them a place to 'talk' to other people when they're not willing to seek it out themselves.)



What I think should be done, honestly, is that the developers should have a Circle of Dads app, as well as a Circle of parents app alongside CoM - and link all 3 together.

Moms have their forum, dads have theirs, and ALL members are linked to the 'parents' forum - something like - switch the 'welcome' page to the "parents' page - does that make sense?

You sign up, you click on mom OR dad, you're entered into your gender-specific forum, and linked together by the parenting forum (formerly the welcome page).



I think it would work wonderfully if they could do something along those lines.

[deleted account]

I just don't get why it's such a big deal...As many have pointed out, there are plenty of forums for dads only as well as for parents. There is even a Circle of Dads app on Facebook, and if the men want a forum, they are free to turn it into whatever they want it to be. It seems pretty obvious that if they were really interested in discussing parenting issues with other men, they would go there or to the multitude of sites available online-and if they wanted a community for both men *and* women, they could go to one of the multitude of those sorts of sites online or create their own Facebook app, which (from the general talk here and on the CoM fan page) seems like it would have support and many members willing to contribute. I don't personally put things on here that I don't want my husband (or another man, for that matter) to see-but many women do. I don't even want to begin to imagine the sort of fights that would ensue over postings on the welcome page concerning deadbeat dads, marital problems, and trouble with in-laws if men are allowed in. *IF* anything is done to include men, it should be the partnering site that Jenn and Amie were discussing earlier, and all posts on the welcome page should be deleted before the new one is open to parents in order to protect those women who have posted there, because even if I, and most of us in DM, haven't put a lot of personal information on the public pages beceause we know better/are smarter than that/whatever reason, lots of women have, and they deserve to be protected, as they entered into a circle of *moms*, meaning *women*, not *parents,* giving them an expectation that they could bitch about things like deadbeat dads and asshole in-laws without hearing justifications, excuses, or any sort of opinion from a male perspective. Either way, I think it's a stupid argument. Again, this is circle of moms. There is a circle of dads, which if men cared to participate in, they could turn into just as much a monster site as this one. There are plenty of parenting sites open to men and women or just men online. If these men really want to be involved in a parenting forum, there are avenues available-and they have the option of creating something for themselves as well. There is no need to take away or change what we already have.

?? - posted on 01/17/2010

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Amie, it's just another perspective... and you can call it a false comfort all you like - it still remains that the fact that it's a womans support group is a major reason WOMEN don't, won't and really aren't going to welcome MEN onto this forum LOL And my point is that it's really very VERY incredibly simple why Dads / Men shouldn't be invited to "Circle Of Moms". It's so incredibly obvious that it's really just plain stupid arguing about it.



I really don't give a shit, you really don't give a shit but it still won't be "Circle of Moms" if Dads are just as welcome as Moms lol



I don't see what the big deal is that men AREN'T here. It actually makes PERFECT SENSE that men aren't invited / welcomed to a site that is SO OBVIOUSLY targeted, marketed, directed, oriented, and obviously created for women.



Which if you hadn't been lookin down your nose while reading my post, you probably would have got the concept I was talking about with the AA reference. The group is a support group for ALCOHOLICS - Circle of Moms is a support group for WOMEN. It's OBVIOUSLY not the same level of comfort/trust/anonymity - but it's the same idea. I'm sure you can get the idea of what I'm talking about -- even if you THINK the comfort level is false on COM it's still an atmosphere of comfort knowing that the people who will be replying to you are also women.



Going to a doctor about medical things because, THEY ARE A DOCTOR.

Going to a hairdresser about your hair because, THEY ARE A HAIR DRESSER.

Going to Alcoholics Anonymous about your alcoholism because, THEY ARE AA.

Going to a group of women about women things because, THEY ARE WOMEN.



It's also pretty obvious that you really don't care to be appreciative or take into account that this site is for all women, every woman, not just you and me and the women who don't care if men are in amongst the repliers -- you're not seeing the big deal - well, 'uhhh' Amie it's not about only you lol



What's the point of coming here, to Circle Of Moms, when there are thousands of other sites that you (in general, not directed at Amie) can join - where those men who are so desperately wanting and needing advice and support are welcomed - where you can interact and associate with dads just as much as moms... I'm guessing it's because this is a forum for WOMEN and that is why women come here.

~Jennifer - posted on 01/16/2010

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Facebook already has a dad application "I am Dad" ...and Ephriam Luft, the creator of CoM, is a member there - I'll dig to find out if he's one of the developers.....



Point being - all they're doing is complaining because we have something that they think they don't have. If they'd just do something as easy as type 'dad' in 'browse applications' - they'd have found that app and could promote the use of the app rather than complain about the fact that ours merely exists.



Again, if they'd seriously solicit (lol- there's that word again) CoM developers for a "Parents" forum, they'd probably get it, but there would have to be enough interest. I'd definitely join a parenting forum for ALL parents - but I'm not going to run over and join "I Am Dad" just to be a bitch either.....

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Veronica - posted on 01/20/2010

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This fat girl would make sure to take some chocolate pudding before it gets contaminated - lol -- one of my favorite foods - might explain lard ass and thunder thigh syndrome im having - hahahahaha (apart from pregancy) lol

?? - posted on 01/20/2010

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omg omg omg omg full fight mode.......
JENN we need to borrow Miss Kitty's pudding wrestlin pool......
I know you can hook us up !!!!

omg omg omg omg Amie in a bikini covered in pudding........

this fat girl just found her dream come true ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

[deleted account]

Man, I thought this had blossomed back into full-fight mode from the influx of posts, only to find that it's a damn hippie love-fest in here. =P

Charlie - posted on 01/19/2010

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Thats what i love about you girls you can debate to the very end , get a little pissed and get over it , move on and hug it out !

Amie - posted on 01/19/2010

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ROFLMAO!

I love you too Jo ♥

and you're STILL not getting in my pants. =P

?? - posted on 01/19/2010

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I love you Amie ♥


Now... why don't you bring your sweet lil ass over here....


Oh shit !!! I'm not trollin for chicks ! I promise !!

*winks at Amie* I'll catch YOU later tee hee hee

Amie - posted on 01/19/2010

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I wasn't going to post again because it almost cost a very good friendship but something glaringly obvious needs to be pointed out.

For myself especially (and those that have agreed along the same lines as me I'm sure) that it's not that big of a deal, it's not earth shattering IF men were here....

Not a single one of us was advocating for it to change. Jenn came up with a good idea during debating and I was all for it so e-mailed my support to the creators of this site.

It's a debate, just the way everything has been worded (on both sides) it seems like we're advocating for it to or not to change RIGHT NOW. That's not the case. I was never under the assumption either that what any of us said in this one forum (among the multitudes on CoM's) would sway the creators enough to change anything. Jenn has a great idea, I showed my support for it.

It is still not a big deal. It is a debate, not a deciding factor in a decision that is being made. /:)

Veronica - posted on 01/19/2010

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I understand your sympathy in a case like this for a man - but even still Holly - this place was designated for WOMEN only -- and when there is clearly tons of other forums or the option to make your own - why should we have to give up a place for just us, because of men that want in. I stand firm in NO MEN.

[deleted account]

Also, as for the Freemasons comment, some lodges do accept women now... just an FYI... I know this because my hubby's grandpa is a Freemason and was a part of the movement to keep women out, but they lost... :)

[deleted account]

I know of a man on another mother's parenting site who poses as a woman to ask advice. He is a single father to three teenagers, two girls and a boy, and he really has no one to talk to (his wife died in a car accident and his in-laws shunned him because they blamed him - he was driving the car when they were t-boned, there was nothing he could have done. Also, his parents have both passed away and all his friends are males, besides me, but my kids are all young...). He does not troll for women (they don't know he's a man after all) and he really appreciates the advice. I think it's great that he is turning somewhere for the advice he needs instead of trying to do it all on his own and frustrating himself to no end.



Saying that, I think men should be allowed, but only in forums to ask for and give advice (I do not think they should be on the whole site, just as I think a place for just men would be good too). Some men out there need a little extra help and this place would be a perfect place for them (like Jenn's idea - it's great!). I also think that if the single men started "trolling" for women they should be blocked from the site. This site is not intended for that, and that should not be tolerated.

Veronica - posted on 01/18/2010

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Its a straightforward, common sense answer, "NO". While I like sharing things with my husband - he is not a female. I have a mother and sister and aunts - but sometimes I dont want to discuss certain things with people that are personal - with you ladies - you really dont know me, and I feel more comfortable asking. Plus, you get all walks of life on here that have gone through the same situations, and have been great supports!



I dont want a man on here to ruin that. And quite frankly he would never understand us women. We are all mood swinging daily, pms- ing like crazy, bullheaded and stubborn - and we have enough having to put up with the fights and bitching as it is - I certainly dont want to hear a mans input.

Im not saying a man wouldnt have a good perspective, or good advice, etc. but he still isnt a woman - and would still not understand.



Its one thing to tell you ladies about my period, vagina or breasts - its another to tell a man those things (let alone know that some husbands/boyfriends to certain members are reading them as it is). Regardless of how public these forums go -- i still feel comfortable sharing and if i dont i talk to someone on a private message.



I have enough to deal with with my own husband - i dont need to come on here and get more shit from some strange man. I like to come here and bitch it out with other moms - where we are on the same page, regardless if we agree or not.



I leave saying HELL NO to men coming on COM - its for mothers/women - its not for men. period. no matter how helpful we may be - too bad! Find your own place!!

Katherine - posted on 01/18/2010

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It's like Jenn said, CoM says no and because the men were told no, it's more appealing. They want it just BECAUSE they were told no. It's not segregation, it's group oriented and should stay that way. I'm trying to think of something that historically has just been for men, and how they would feel if we invaded their 'turf' unfortunately nothing comes to mind except for sports games, or fantasy football. It's not a big deal, it really isn't, it's the 'no' factor. That's why this is turning into a big deal. Am I making sense?

Esther - posted on 01/18/2010

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Quoting Amie:

It may be targeted for women but it's obviously appealing to some dads or they wouldn't be trying to be a part of it would they?




If men were so interested in a forum about parenting why are there only 37 members in Circle of Dads? I think it's more of a "forbidden fruit" kind of thing. I agree with Jo and COM that Circle of Moms is geared toward a very specific demographic, moms, just as many other outlets are very specifically geared toward men, or teenagers, or african-americans, or homosexuals or .... you fill in the blanks. Men will get over it. I say let's keep COM what it is designed to be - a support group for moms.



Laura - for your friend, I suggest he just create a profile and call himself "Tootsie" (my god I'm dating myself here).

Isobel - posted on 01/18/2010

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First off...I'm not saying anything should be changed (I know that most men are not like the one I am about to use as an example)...But I have a friend who is a single Dad, his wife died two years ago, leaving him to raise his pre-teen daughter alone. He has had to change his work hours, deal with his daughter's first period, and all those other wonderful things. When he is discussing parenting issues he relates much more with mothers than fathers...because essentially, he IS a mother now. I understand why COM can never be for everyone...but it needs to be recognized why some of us know people who we would like to see an exception made for.

Mel - posted on 01/17/2010

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umm no. men would just find it funny becuse of the bitchiness. I know my man does :P

Dana - posted on 01/17/2010

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Wow, so much has gone on here. There are many things I want to address. First, I don't think *anyone* is stupid enough to think that men aren't already reading or contributing to this site. I don't think calling women who don't agree with your point "uptight" is helping the debate proceed. I don't think it should change to allow men and I assure you I'm not uptight in the least. Why are women who want to keep this site as a women only site being attacked for their opinion. I thought the debate was about men being allowed on the site not women who don't want them. I also think that yes, there are men who would want to get honest advice or discuss the things their child is doing but, I also think there are many men out there who would be a big pain in the ass too. The bottom line is, that this IS a website for women. There ARE many others for men only and there ARE sites for men and women. Why does anyone think that we have to change THIS site for men? It really makes no sense.

Charlie - posted on 01/17/2010

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See thats where i think people are under the wrong impression about COM .

Yes it is a circle of mums but its more than that , being a mother is what we have in common but we are also here to discuss other occurrences in our daily lives as WOMEN .

It would be like if i joined a kids forum because i was a kid and have kids , a little weird and a total intrusion of their privacy , or inviting a man to womens corroberree ( sacred aboriginal meeting grounds for women ) i just dont understand again why its an issue there are so many sites dedicated to parenting forums for mums and dads why must we make a site specifically designed for women to share and feel comfortable in amongst other women open to men just because " its not fair " ( which i disagree with , i assure you there are plenty of male only forums out there ).

Amie - posted on 01/17/2010

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I never once took it personal. You did.

If you wish to be that way though I'm perfectly fine with not debating with you. If you can't handle the heat stay out of the kitchen. It's that simple. I will ignore your posts on this thread from now since you are not willing to debate and only want to sling insults.

?? - posted on 01/17/2010

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You don't represent me. You represent you.



You can continue to talk down and take it all personal if you want, you're the only one ignoring anything. You can step off your stool now. Your lectures are unnecessary, boring and pretentious. And you're preaching to the wrong person.



Editted to add:



This has gotten absolutely stupid. You have your opinion Amie, and you of all people should know that your opinion means as much / as little as everyone else's. Your opinion isn't right and it isn't wrong. And neither is anyone else's.



Hell, our opinions on this matter are even incredibly similar. The difference is that I'm pointing out OBVIOUS reasons why I think Dads on COM wouldn't be accepted / welcomed by the masses -- you're making it into some sort of personal fight for men because you think your opinion is the right opinion.



You've even so much as called people who disagree with you names and dismissed the possible thoughts and feelings that disagree with your opinion. And that I think is WRONG. And why I said "looking down your nose" while you read my posts.



Just figured I should make that a lil clearer, because it's GLARINGLY obvious that anyone that disagree's with you on this matter, in your mind isn't worth any consideration.



I won't be posting here again. Call me whatever name you want and you can talk down to me all you like, I don't care to deal with pretentious bullshit these days, I get enough of that attitude from the bitch upstairs (and I'm not referring to god lmao)

Amie - posted on 01/17/2010

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That may be but it's MY OPINION and I'm entitled to such because it's that MY OPINION.

I've never once said this is just about me. I'm representing all women who really wouldn't mind dad's being on here but aren't posting. I never once said to change it just for me so do not imply that is what I am doing. I am fully entitled to my opinion as are the other women who really wouldn't mind dads being on here. It may be targeted for women but it's obviously appealing to some dads or they wouldn't be trying to be a part of it would they? Quite frankly I wonder why women always think the very worst of men and their intentions. I've know some pretty big assholes in my time but I still don't automatically jump to the worst possible conclusions.

Also, Don't tell me I'm looking down my nose when you can't be bothered to read an entire post with an open mind. All I've done is state my opinion and ones who are of like mind. I know I'm not the only one. I addressed the AA comment, you obviously didn't read the entire thing or at the least didn't comprehend what I was saying.

This site isn't just about women issues either. It's about parenting ones. It's just geared towards moms/women in their marketing.

Amie - posted on 01/17/2010

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My biggest thing I don't see why women think men would jump in on breastfeeding threads, menstrual cycling threads, PPD, etc. Ryan has no interest in those threads. He reads the ones about parenting, our debating ones and the ones most specifically about boys. When it comes to replying about our son more often than not he is the one replying. I know a lot but I don't have that male perspective that helps to understand what a boy needs in certain situations. Which is why our son is closer to my husband than he is to me. Dad has been there done that, mom has not. Not that moms can't be just as good at raising boys but they do need a strong male role model, whether it's dad, grandpa, uncle, etc. ya get the point. Men can just relate better because they've been there.

Jo, I don't understand the correlation you are making with the AA. IF they rolled AA and NA into one well than perhaps. But it's still just a support group for people with addictions. They're not letting everyone in, they're letting addicts in, just different kinds. I know of such a place in my city that runs like that. CoM's may be geared towards women but men would get a lot of support and ideas from it. Especially in the reverse of what I wrote up ^ there, with their daughters.

While being an only females site may bring comfort to some I think it's a false set of comfort. I see more than a few looking for validation, I see more than a few who try to garner pity and it's all because they think we're all female. "they'll know what I'm going through." Well I sure as the hell don't know what you're going through, It's rare that I get so down on myself that I need to look for support and validation from people I know, let alone millions of women I don't know and whose life has no impact or bearing on mine.

Like the others who have posted, I don't get the big deal. If you're worried about privacy there's private communities for that. If you're worried about men trolling, well I find that funny honestly. Most men don't troll, they haven't the time. Real dogs aren't online looking for it, they're out and about because they can and do get it. Ryan has more than a few friends that are dogs. They can't be bothered with being online. Men's humor is different though and I can understand a lot of women getting huffy when they really shouldn't be. I see it happen enough in RL never mind what might happen online. There may even be some who don't want to open it up to their partners in case they see something they shouldn't. Well that one's simple, don't hide stuff from your partner and it's a non-issue.

With all the communities that are already on CoM's, it wouldn't be hard for some to log on and create their own. Geared towards specific things (marital issues, etc.) if they so chose too.

It's just not a big deal to me and others.

ME - posted on 01/17/2010

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My hubby is totally not iInterested in CoM...he teases me when I'm on here, calls it "fighting with the moms"....I wouldn't have any problem talking to Dads about parenting issues if they were interested tho...i guess I don't see what the big deal is...

?? - posted on 01/16/2010

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It's not about what sex the person is that *I* am talking too. I really don't care if it's a man or a woman replying - but like you Amie - I don't put my personal shit out there on main forums. At the end of the day though, this is a site targeted for women and there are women that do. It's the comfort zone that women look for, an attraction & a reason women come here, specifically, is because men are outta sight, outta mind.

There are plenty of subjects on this site that women come here specifically to address - to find other MOTHERS who are in the same boat as them and that has absolutely ZERO, nothing, nada, not even a lil bit to do with men. A lot of women won't ask for advice they want to ask and look for support they want to find because they know there will be 10,000's Johns out there objectifying their 'problem'. This isn't JUST a site for advice, it's a site for support. For and from other women. Targeted towards women. Not men. WOMEN.

**I** really don't give a shit if there are men peeking in on COM... I don't care if there are husbands or boyfriends or random men looking -- but the fact remains that there are millions of women on this site who do utilize this site with that intent and would not feel comfortable with millions of men being invited to discuss their breasts, vagina's, pregnancies and other personal things - their children, their sex lives, their husbands, their relationship issues, pornography, masturbation, children masturbating, step-dads, dads that have fucked off, girlfriends, shit that men just don't really have any 'insight' on and even if they do - the woman signed up to Circle Of Moms she wasn't looking for the mans insight on this shit, she's lookin for advice and support from women.

I will emphasize that I do not think that all men are all perverts and out to grope, hump and demean all women but it comes down to that comfort level, that comfort zone, that place where we REALLY do NOT have to worry about ANY of that shit because if a man is reading he's either not gonna say shit (outta sight, outta mind), or he's a husband/boyfriend of a member.

And like Jenn said, there are just some topics, discussions, groups, that most women really don't really give a shit about what the male perspective is. If they want to know the female perspective there really is nothing stopping them from reading along, but, that doesn't mean the women care to hear their opinions on the matter lol

I think it's really quite simple. Circle of Moms is targeted, marketed and designed as a safe place for women to feel comfortable asking for advice and looking for support from WOMEN. And part of that 'safe' atmosphere comes from knowing that men 'aren't allowed.'

COM is already half full of a bunch of douche bag, slutty, ignorant, unintelligent morons that have no business having kids -- we really don't need the addition of the opposite sex's douche bags, man sluts, ignorant, unintelligent morons too.

Especially when there are thousands of other sites that are targeted for those people. Like has been said. There are people of all sorts of 'categories' that want the other perspective. They can very well get that other perspective without intruding on an already developed atmosphere that was specifically created for that level of comfort. A comfort that comes from having people in similar situations with similar problems to discuss them with.

I guess it would be the same idea if we said, should we open AA up to just anyone. They're just looking for support after all, fuck the comfort level and established trust. It's not the same thing obviously, but it's still the same idea. And it's REALLY not hard to be understanding of that simple aspect -- even if you, me, Suzy, and Mary Ellen don't give a rats ass who's around, it's still an established idea of comfort and reasoning that absolutely would be diminished and the effect that COM (I THINK) was created for would be completely lost.

And it still remains that if men were openly invited to join this forum then it's no different than any other parenting site. The attraction to Circle Of Moms is the comfort level that women get knowing they are going to interacting with people who are in the very most basic way - that we're all women - are the same as them.



All of that being said, I think, like Jenn has suggested, if the developers can implement a 3 pronged system to allow each aspect an avenue to interact as well as be apart from each other - I think that would be interesting to see how that would work.

Johnny - posted on 01/16/2010

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Aside from how I'd feel about dads suddenly showing up on COM (not great), I just don't think legitimately parenting focused fathers would enjoy this site. They'd probably find a parent or dad specific site more interesting and relevant. Single dads really wouldn't get much help with their needs here, not because they aren't needing help just like moms, but this site is sooo female oriented I think it would really turn guys off. And men who would enjoy this site would probably be more likely to be the ones who would be here to pick up single women or harass people and troll. I think if most of us asked our partners, they would not be at all interested, I know that mine isn't. I'm actually a little suspicious of guys who would be.

The other parenting site that I participate in has male members. They fit in just fine. But it's a different set up and different style of site, less chatty more issues focused. Can you really see men joining in on our chats about menstrual cycles, birthing pains, or deadbeat dads?

Amie - posted on 01/16/2010

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This is what I wrote in case anyone just wants to copy and paste it and send it off. =)

Subject: Dad's on CoM's

Hello Lisa & Lee,

I am writing in support of Jenn Maivia's idea of a joint application for moms and dads. I really think she is onto something and that it would solve everyone's issues that are arising from the recent upheaval about dad's wanting to join CoM's.

I hope this is something that can be done and would be happy to be a part of a forum such as it.

Signed,

Fill in your name

Amie - posted on 01/16/2010

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I thought we'd already done that but I suppose we have a few more million to go before that happens. LOL!

~Jennifer - posted on 01/16/2010

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I think that the more people that we can get to write to them (Dads included) would show them the amount of support for the idea.
(Probably flood their e-mails too, but hey - that's what in boxes are for!)
I would write to them - I mean, what could it hurt?
The more suport they have, the more members they gain, the more activity on their forums, the sooner CoM takes over the world- LOL!

Amie - posted on 01/16/2010

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Thanks Jenn! So are they just going to come here to see our support or should we all write them separate ones too?

I agree about the separate perspectives too. That's why I was pointing out all the different communities and why certain ones (who want the veil of utter privacy) have closed communities, communities geared to just certain types, etc.

Iris - posted on 01/16/2010

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I like your idea Jenn, and I think it could solve many problems that are going on. Like Amie, I did not know that there was someone starting issues.
I also understand the points you're making. Mine were based on basic, parent to parent issues that we all need help with every now and then.
Thanks for sharing the letter with us, I think you got a great idea there!

~Jennifer - posted on 01/16/2010

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It is the same guy - I think I even have him in my circle -lol - Chris Marchand, i believe his name is (w/o looking back through all those replies)

I think he's got a great idea going, and he says that he hasn't implemented it yet b/c they're in the middle of moving. (I'd be happy to chat with him on here - seems like a good dude.

Again - it's not the idea of men being on here that bothers me - it's the idea that the one making such a stink about it is the one that probably wouldn't even contribute......

I mean - there are closed communities - if you needed to discuss certain things, it can be done there....there's never REALLY privacy on a forum.....but if we have 8 million women that can't get along about certain subjects, and then throw in a few men that want to bitch at the women b/c they posted something like " I don't want sex anymore after the baby".....can you IMAGINE what that thread would be like?
or how about some uber-conservative man let loose in the lesbian mom community? what happens over there? (just 2 examples off the top of me head)
I just think that there are certain issues in which we should be 'exempt' from men's presence or opinions, and I'd like to maintain the female perspective here, let them have the male perspective 'somewhere else', but still be able to discuss common issues together.

Amie - posted on 01/16/2010

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Jenn that sounds like a great idea! Now if it could be implemented. How many of us asking for it do you think it would take? LOL! I know it would probably solve a lot of issues and open of venues for those of us that really aren't bothered either way what the sex of the person we're talking to is.

When this first started I didn't know there was a douche bag making issues. I know this issue has been raised before in the past though. I think it was last fall... there was a guy on CoM's asking why there wasn't a circle of dad's. Most of the mom's were very nice to him and told him he could create his own app if he wanted. He may very well be the same man that did start that sad CoD's I see on FB now.

Charlie - posted on 01/16/2010

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Honestly i try and tell Jamie stuff about COM certain issues ect and he is NOT interested or thinks we are all a bunch of nut's hahaha .

I know there are men pretending to be women on COM but i think they are few and far between i think dynamics of the groups would change drastically and not for the better of the intended users ( mothers ) if it were open to men to post , i also have no issue discussing parenting issues with men but if that's what i wanted i would join a forum elsewhere that was open to men and women to discuss parenting and family issues only .

I think the guy who started this whole stink needs to use his time on the internet chatting on forums designed for single dads , parents ect if he is in fact truly interested in finding parenting help , instead of taking it out on women because he has some kind of whacked out woman hate he feels the need to express in the guise of COM complaints .

Amie - posted on 01/16/2010

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Uh hate to break it to you Sara but there are already random men looking. I know of a few women who show their husbands and I myself do as well. Most general response is.. women are disgusting... and he goes about his business.

Jenn, we know there are sites for one or the other or both. That's not the point. I have no issue with keeping away the retards, I wish we could already get rid of the retards that are currently here (everyone knows who I mean, random names will pop into your head as you read this.). I just have no issue discussing with men parenting issues, nor do I have issue with personal crap because I'm smart enough to keep it off the main boards. There are private forums all over CoM's already that are specifically for those purposes.

There are always going to be people where they should not be though. I'm a member of Republican/Conservative moms. I'm a liberal. It still helps to see their perspective. They have no issue with me or any of the other liberals being there. They take their private and personal conversations to their private community.

If the basis is you can't be a part of this or that community because you don't meet certain criteria I would hope that CoM's is working on rectifying all the issues that are currently running amok on CoM's. Not just banning fathers then turning around and ignoring the rest of the people who are where they should not be.

[deleted account]

Right, this forum is for women that are mothers. I understand dads need support too but this is not the place for it. COMs wouldn't be as effective if dads were roaming the boards. Who would want to ask questions about discharge or breastfeeding if they knew random men were looking at it?

~Jennifer - posted on 01/16/2010

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...and - Oh-Emm-Gee!- there's parenting forums on facebook apps. "House of Parents" with a nifty little message board and online community....



http://apps.facebook.com/houseofparents/...



Anything else anyone wants to say that facebook doesn't have? I bet I can find it.

(That's what the search functions are for)

;)

Charlie - posted on 01/16/2010

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This is circle of mums , i dont see the issue if it were for mums and dads it would have stated .



The fact of the matter is many women use this forum to discuss more than just child issues hell im even Admin for a sex and relationships group , many women only feel comfortable discussing many issues with other women , its a place to feel safe and comfortable discussing all topics in our lives as mothers and women , i would love to see a dads response to a thread like " how long will i bleed after pregnancy " , " what is this discharge from my vagina , im 23 weeks pregnant " or how many fights between men and women would begin over deadbeat daddy threads ECT ECT ECT .



There are many , many forums for dads and single dads there are even forums for mums and dads to use together THIS is not one of them .

?? - posted on 01/16/2010

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Quoting Krista:
Mind you, there might need to be a reminder in the forum rules that this is not a pickup joint, and that if any member harasses another member (whether it's the men harassing the women or vice-versa), that they'll be booted.


lmao now, if only CoM admins could get that whole.. "booted" ... thing working right!

Krista - posted on 01/16/2010

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I have no issues with dads being on here. There are some single dads out there who really don't have anybody to turn to. Mind you, there might need to be a reminder in the forum rules that this is not a pickup joint, and that if any member harasses another member (whether it's the men harassing the women or vice-versa), that they'll be booted.

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