Do You Judge A Book By Its Cover??................

Katie - posted on 06/25/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Do you ever judge a book by its cover,by that I mean are first impressions important to you?When doing the shopping,going about your daily life do you take notice of strangers walking towards you and make a judgement? I wear comfortable tracksuits/jeans during weekdays,hair tied back and if I'm honest no make-up at all. At the weekends I make much more of an effort,nice outfit,hairstyle and make-up. I don't really know why I do this,its just my routine now I suppose. I find I don't have the time either during the week,trying to get out the door in time for school(to drop my daughter that is!),and wearing the most comfortable thing is a priority when doing the daily chores. I simply could not face into laundry,etc with my full make-up on and my best outfit! Does that sound absolutely ridiculous?!!!! Does anyone else feel that way too? I see other mothers at school,and every single day,they are in the best of the best,hair not a strand out of place and make up you would only see in Hollywood!! I don't have a problem with this whatsoever,I think its brilliant for them......but how do they go home and do housework??!! Is it only me that feels if I'm so well groomed I'm "too good" to do the dishes??!!!! Sometimes I do feel judged for my weekday appearance......and then of course at weekends I wouldn't meet the weekday parents very often for them to see the "done up Katie"!! I should shock them all somatime and arrive to school like a model!! Reactions would be funny!! Now there are many mothers like me who also dress down on school days.......but I do also notice its the dressed up mothers who congregate together on the school yard benches for the chat, while waiting for the bell to ring!! Is that just a coincidence??! I have absolutely no proof that I am being judged,its quite possibly my own insecurity......just wondering what you think??! Thanks Everyone!xx :)

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Jana - posted on 06/27/2009

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So, in answer to your question, I'm in NO position to judge anyone else by their appearance. I'm sure I leave the worst first impression. But, luckily, I don't really care what people think of me. I know my sloppy, pajama -wearin' appearance in no way represents who I am as a person...other than I'm obviously quite lazy in the morning!

Jana - posted on 06/27/2009

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To be honest, I usually take my kids to school in my pajamas. Haven't showered yet, no make up and usually haven't even brushed my teeth yet. To be even more honest, sometimes I forget to put on shoes and still have my fluffy, leopard print slippers on. Of course when that happens, I won't get out of the car. Luckily my kids are old enough to walk themselves to class.

Mary - posted on 06/26/2009

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Well, Katie, I just think it's human nature to initially form an impression about someone based on their appearance...before you get to know them, it's all you have to go on. It's your willingness to put that 1st impression aside & being open to getting to know them without jusdgement that matters. Funny thing is, I think I tend to be more open to the dressed-down, make-up free women of the world...I find them less intimidating! Yes, this a form of judging the book by it's cover, but I initally find them more approachable, and feel like they will be more friendly, and less likely to be judging me! A bit of reverse snobbery, I guess, and certainly not always the case! As for the situation you describe, well, it's been my experience that like attracts like, and we all get into our comfort zones...something about that herd mentality! Isn't it funny that even as adults, we tend to form our little cliques that make us feel more secure?



I myself am a fairly casual girl...even before Molly, I would always run errands in sweats & a pony tail...just couldn't see the point of dressing up for the deli department at the grocery store! I do make an effort to be showered and dressed with my hair down by the time John gets home, although some days I don't quite make that, either, lol! Don't get me wrong, I enjoy dressing up when we go out as much as the next girl (I have a bit of a shoe obsession as well, lol), but I just don't see the point if I'm having a domestic kind of day. Some of this may be influenced by my job...I wear scrubs, typically have on an OR hat, so, really, a perfectly made-up face & coiffed head is a bit of a waste in my opinion! But some of the girls I work with come in looking like rock stars (typically the ones w/o kids, lol!). To each their own!

[deleted account]

I usually wear trackie bottoms or shorts and vest tops with no make-up and hair tied back during the day. In the evening I try to dress up for my hubby so I do my hair and put on jewlery and wear short skirts and low cut tops. I forget to take off my jewlery and wear it the next day with my sports wear. Of corse I look low class, but do I care? No. I usually try to make the effort and put on a dress on Sunday. My husband is also a biker so I sometimes wear that stuff too. I imagine everyone forms a different judgement depending on what day and time they see me.

Sarah - posted on 06/26/2009

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I LOVE tattoos!!! I've got 5. I've had my hair all the colours of the rainbow, i've been a 'goth' i'm a lot more casual now tho, i just need to be comfortable rather than look good (tho i don't look bad, just casual!)
As i've said, i think judging on appearance is just part of life, it's how you act to the people that counts. :)

Megan - posted on 06/25/2009

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I gotta be honest... yes i do! I wear makeup almost everyday and i wont leave the house unless i am wearing something nice (it can be cheap... but no pajama pants for me) Makeup on other people isnt that big of a deal to me... but I think if you are going out and about slipping on a pair of jeans is no big deal. But not being "put together" wont make me think you are a slob or anything... BUT if you are dying your hair purple and wearing all black with a nose peircing... I with think that you WANT to be looked at... and if you are in a mini skirt and a triangle top with fishnets i will think you ARE PROBABLY a slut (sorry)- I think we all see people who fit a stereotype and we judge them based on apperance. How you choose to present yourself says a lot about who you are--- not always in a bad way... but i just does. If you wear track suits everywhere I will think you are laid back and casual. If you are wearing designer clothes I will think you are into fashion, and if you are wearing a sweatshirt with kids faces and flowers on it I will think you are a grandma! I try not to assume BAD things about most people based on their appearance, but it sets the tone for how i will approach a person.

I think people tend to go the other way a lot too, prejudging people who are well put together as being snobs or being vain- some people just like to look nice when they go out! I like rebels though so tattoos and dreads and colorful hair is a plus to me, lol!

?? - posted on 06/25/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:

I try not to judge anyone on how they 'look'. (probably because I'm usually the 'cover' by which the book is judged)
Underneath this highly polished, sophisticated saks fifth avenue exterior ( okay, I even spit out my wine laughing at that while I typed it....) lies a heavily tattooed "wtf are you lookin' at" kind of person.
Funny thing is, I'm much nicer online than I am in person. I'm the first person to tell someone honestly what I think on here, but I'm also the person that my friends say is the one you come to if you want the truth about anything - no matter what the question is. "Don't ask Jenn unless you really want to know" is what my friends say to each other.....but they'll also tell you that if someone needs a place to stay, a ride, a loan, a meal, anything - "go ask Jenn"
It used to be that people looked down on me for my 'artwork' and saw some kind of biker-type woman....but then got to know me and found that I'm just a person that appreciates tattoos. I appreciate nice clothes, LOVE a good pair of heels, and won't run to the store without mascara and gloss.....but I roll around my house in yoga pants and tanks. My hair is up at home, down if I'm out, and I'm usually overdressed for the occasion....with a couple of legs full of tattoos on full display.
I'm a mom, a wife - I love my children and husband more than anything in the world...my friends are my family. I can do the 'biker' look, the 'hippie' look, the 'mom' look, and the 'wow, you clean up real nice' look. I have friends that are CEOs, bikers, hippies, 'soccer moms', grandparents, regular working folks - a little bit of everything.
I've never even thought to judge people on how they look.
I am, however, guilty of judging people on how they act. I hate to see someone treat another person badly, and I hate to see a person that doesn't give a crap about HOW they treat people....and in that vain, I'm guilty myself of being an ass (to said idiot) when I witness it.
What can I say? I'm a friggin' enigma.
=)



I'm the same way when it comes to my friends - I'm pretty blunt and always honest about things. I get called a bitch a lot cause of it, but I don't do it to be bitchy, I do it because I don't see the point of saying something I don't believe to be true. I'm not a cow about it, but I will be honest lol



I'm also the same when it comes to judging people on how they act. I saw a pregnant girl with a 4-5 year old boy walking 2 dogs on leashes today and I watched the girl KICK THE DOG cause it went to the opposite side of the sidewalk that she wanted it on - 2 seconds later - the lil boy KICKED THE DOG that he was walking! I actually wanted to go and kick her, and kick the kid too! My bf and best friend told me to leave it alone, but I yelled at her and told her if I ever see her kick a dog again I'll kick her - she's a mom she should be setting a better example than that.



If a person who works at mcdonalds or walmart is rude - I'll tell them to get the chip off their shoulders. If I see someone in line at the grocery store getting impatient and rude to other people I'll tell them they don't have to stand in line if they have better things to do. I've even told off people in supermarkets for being rude/pushy/mean.



I don't care how people dress/look as long as they are nice, respectful, considerate and don't walk around as if their shit don't stink. I try to be as much as possible - I don't find it hard - I actually find it comes quite naturally to me. I think that's also why telling them off comes pretty naturally as well lol

?? - posted on 06/25/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:

I try not to judge anyone on how they 'look'. (probably because I'm usually the 'cover' by which the book is judged)
Underneath this highly polished, sophisticated saks fifth avenue exterior ( okay, I even spit out my wine laughing at that while I typed it....) lies a heavily tattooed "wtf are you lookin' at" kind of person.
Funny thing is, I'm much nicer online than I am in person. I'm the first person to tell someone honestly what I think on here, but I'm also the person that my friends say is the one you come to if you want the truth about anything - no matter what the question is. "Don't ask Jenn unless you really want to know" is what my friends say to each other.....but they'll also tell you that if someone needs a place to stay, a ride, a loan, a meal, anything - "go ask Jenn"
It used to be that people looked down on me for my 'artwork' and saw some kind of biker-type woman....but then got to know me and found that I'm just a person that appreciates tattoos. I appreciate nice clothes, LOVE a good pair of heels, and won't run to the store without mascara and gloss.....but I roll around my house in yoga pants and tanks. My hair is up at home, down if I'm out, and I'm usually overdressed for the occasion....with a couple of legs full of tattoos on full display.
I'm a mom, a wife - I love my children and husband more than anything in the world...my friends are my family. I can do the 'biker' look, the 'hippie' look, the 'mom' look, and the 'wow, you clean up real nice' look. I have friends that are CEOs, bikers, hippies, 'soccer moms', grandparents, regular working folks - a little bit of everything.
I've never even thought to judge people on how they look.
I am, however, guilty of judging people on how they act. I hate to see someone treat another person badly, and I hate to see a person that doesn't give a crap about HOW they treat people....and in that vain, I'm guilty myself of being an ass (to said idiot) when I witness it.
What can I say? I'm a friggin' enigma.
=)



I'm the same way when it comes to my friends - I'm pretty blunt and always honest about things. I get called a bitch a lot cause of it, but I don't do it to be bitchy, I do it because I don't see the point of saying something I don't believe to be true. I'm not a cow about it, but I will be honest lol



I'm also the same when it comes to judging people on how they act. I saw a pregnant girl with a 4-5 year old boy walking 2 dogs on leashes today and I watched the girl KICK THE DOG cause it went to the opposite side of the sidewalk that she wanted it on - 2 seconds later - the lil boy KICKED THE DOG that he was walking! I actually wanted to go and kick her, and kick the kid too! My bf and best friend told me to leave it alone, but I yelled at her and told her if I ever see her kick a dog again I'll kick her - she's a mom she should be setting a better example than that.



If a person who works at mcdonalds or walmart is rude - I'll tell them to get the chip off their shoulders. If I see someone in line at the grocery store getting impatient and rude to other people I'll tell them they don't have to stand in line if they have better things to do. I've even told off people in supermarkets for being rude/pushy/mean.



I don't care how people dress/look as long as they are nice, respectful, considerate and don't walk around as if their shit don't stink. I try to be as much as possible - I don't find it hard - I actually find it comes quite naturally to me. I think that's also why telling them off comes pretty naturally as well lol

Erin - posted on 06/25/2009

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I never wore trackpants out of the house until my daughter was born. Seriously. Not that I always ran around like a glamour, but I always wore jeans or a skirt, always mascara and lip gloss, always a pair of earrings. Now that I'm a Mumma - forget it LOL. I've only had make-up or heels on once since Milla was born, and that was to a wedding. And I'm pretty sure I'll have to get my ears re-pierced it's been so long since I wore any.
The only time I wear anything OTHER than trackpants now is if I go out for lunch or to the mall (single Mumma to 4 1/2mo = NO NIGHTS OUT). If I'm just running down the street to get groceries or calling over to a friend's place I don't bother getting changed, and if someone wants to judge me for that - good on them. Doesn't bother me one bit. Once I go back to work in a couple of months my casual wardrobe will take a backseat, so in the meantime I prefer to be comfortable.

~Jennifer - posted on 06/25/2009

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I try not to judge anyone on how they 'look'. (probably because I'm usually the 'cover' by which the book is judged)

Underneath this highly polished, sophisticated saks fifth avenue exterior ( okay, I even spit out my wine laughing at that while I typed it....) lies a heavily tattooed "wtf are you lookin' at" kind of person.

Funny thing is, I'm much nicer online than I am in person. I'm the first person to tell someone honestly what I think on here, but I'm also the person that my friends say is the one you come to if you want the truth about anything - no matter what the question is. "Don't ask Jenn unless you really want to know" is what my friends say to each other.....but they'll also tell you that if someone needs a place to stay, a ride, a loan, a meal, anything - "go ask Jenn"

It used to be that people looked down on me for my 'artwork' and saw some kind of biker-type woman....but then got to know me and found that I'm just a person that appreciates tattoos. I appreciate nice clothes, LOVE a good pair of heels, and won't run to the store without mascara and gloss.....but I roll around my house in yoga pants and tanks. My hair is up at home, down if I'm out, and I'm usually overdressed for the occasion....with a couple of legs full of tattoos on full display.

I'm a mom, a wife - I love my children and husband more than anything in the world...my friends are my family. I can do the 'biker' look, the 'hippie' look, the 'mom' look, and the 'wow, you clean up real nice' look. I have friends that are CEOs, bikers, hippies, 'soccer moms', grandparents, regular working folks - a little bit of everything.

I've never even thought to judge people on how they look.

I am, however, guilty of judging people on how they act. I hate to see someone treat another person badly, and I hate to see a person that doesn't give a crap about HOW they treat people....and in that vain, I'm guilty myself of being an ass (to said idiot) when I witness it.

What can I say? I'm a friggin' enigma.

=)

?? - posted on 06/25/2009

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I never wear make up. I actually HATE wearing make up. I hate getting dressed up. My idea of getting dressed up is putting on clothes I used to wear to work and putting some dangly earrings on instead of the mini-hoops I always wear. The only time I did wear make up / get dressed up was for work and that was because of my 'position' and my job was to dress women and give them advice about clothes and make up - the way I see it is - you wouldn't go to a bald man to cut your hair......... so it would be silly of me to expect women to come to me about clothes and make up if I wasn't well put together myself.



Now though... I do my hair maybe once a week otherwise it's up in a ponytail/bun/clip. I wear shorts, capris or jeans and I have about 50 shirts of different colors and different styles that were on average $5 a piece.



I think the only real 'first impression' judgements that I really make about people and their appearance are along the lines of "That shirt makes her boobs look huge!" or "Those capri's make her legs look lonnnnnng!" or "I like those shoes." Unless I'm being absolutely silly with my friends and I make silly jokes like "She's wearing a t-shirt & capris, her hair is in a ponytail and she's only wearing lip gloss..... she must be tryin out for the Old Navy commercials!"



I've come to learn that just because she's dressed down or dressed up it doesn't really mean anything - working in a clothing store where I had to dress up and had to dress people for all sorts of occassions... I've decided the clothes/make up don't make the person, so I try my hardest to keep my judgements to a minimum :)

Cathelijn - posted on 06/25/2009

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Ow I am the worst with judging people on first impression! I always do but then later on I have to admit that I was wrong. I have gotten a lot better since I had my baby but sometimes I am amazed at people that don't care what they or their kids look like.... My husband was saying a few weeks ago that he never sees me wear make up anymore HAHAHAHAHA I carry it with me to work everyday but I never manage to actually get it on my face. I do dress up when I have to go somewhere other then work but that is just because I wear boring suits to work all week so when I can wear a nice dress I do! But I have to admit my 7 month old probably has a better wardrobe then me she dresses very well ( if I may say so myself :-)) and changes her outfits at least twice a day :-)

Traci - posted on 06/25/2009

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I think everybody does in one way or another. I'm not one of those moms who has a great wardrobe or anything. I wear the jeans that fit that day, lol, and try to pick out the best looking of my $5 tee shirts, you know? I always wear makeup when leaving the house, and I have my hair done(which, for me, means thowing it up in a twist secured with a butterfly clip!). I wish I could be like those moms who are perfectly skinny with all those cute clothes and manicures and stuff, but I tend to put myself on the back burner. I find it much more fun to go out and buy clothes for my kids than for myself, so my wardrobe is fairly neglected. Right now I'm still trying to lose some weight, so that makes me feel even less like buying clothes. It's so hard, though... Don't feel too bad, though...you're not alone! LOL :)

Amie - posted on 06/25/2009

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I've noticed where I am a lot of the mom's are like me. Minimal make up (if at all!) and casual clothes. Today I'm wearing capri's and a tank top and my hair is going to be straightened in a bit here. I only straighten my hair because it is much easier to deal with that way. haha. Good thing it only takes me 20 minute with my new straightener. hehe.
Even that I know though is more (or less) than some people do. I go outside our neighborhood and see some awful looking people. Probably why I don't pay so much attention, it's obvious they don't take care of themselves. There are a few at my daughter's school. They don't smell great (which is kinda gross honestly) and just have that look of I don't care at all if I take care of myself. On the other hand there is one I always see, she is always in heels and the latest fashion. Now ok I get that it's nice to look pretty like that but for me I don't need to do that to feel pretty. I just know I am. =) Not vain just comfortable with myself. I am guilty though of having those same fashionable clothes in my closet but they are not an every day thing. I can't imagine putting all that effort in every day. I do have 4 kids! LOL!! I suppose I could always get up an hour earlier than them and do it but other hand I like getting down and dirty with the kids so I can't really do that in my "good clothes". Well I could but I don't feel like replacing my wardrobe that often. haha.

Katie - posted on 06/25/2009

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Yes, I agree Sarah,I think we all do make snap judgements......and I loved what you said its how we deal with the judgements that makes the difference,how true. For example I would be making a judgement if I said "I don't really like that top on you"......but maybe I am making some constructive criticism,which,in turn,could actually help that person to choose a nicer top instead. I am going to try to make a conscious effort in future to wear some light make-up on weekdays,as an experiment,to see if it alters my perception of people's judgements of me. As I said previously,I am quite aware it is probably my own personal insecurity niggling away at me!! Thanks Sarah xx :)

Sarah - posted on 06/25/2009

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Hey Katie! I have to admit i ALWAYS wear make-up when i leave the house. I just don't feel comfortable going out without it on (insecurity i guess!)

I don't really 'dress to impress' in the week. I just wear jeans or combats and a vest top or something to pick Cadie up from school.

I only make a real effort to to really good if i'm going on a night out really, then i'll put a nice dress on or something, but most of the time i go for the 'casual' look haha!

Most of the mum's at Cadences school dress pretty much the same as me. There is one mum tho, and she comes into school with make up that looks like it's plastered on with a trowel, short skirts, stiletto heels, the works!! That to me seems really OTT but, if that's how she's comfortable it's up to her i guess.

I guess everyone is guilty of making snap judgements about people on first glance, i know i do it sometimes.....however, if i end up talking to that person, i try to be open minded and not let that snap judgement put me off them until i've given them a chance.

To be honest, i think making snap judgements is human nature, i think it's how you deal with the judgements you make that makes the difference.

:)

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