dress codes

Stifler's - posted on 09/19/2011 ( 55 moms have responded )

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I was invited to my friend's wedding on the weekend. Anywho my husband is like "what's the dress code?". Since when do weddings have a "dress code"... since when is it polite to turn up to a wedding in clothes that are daggy? What do you wear when you're going to someone's wedding? Does the location of the ceremony/reception matter? Has an invitation you've received ever specified what people are to wear?

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Sherri - posted on 09/21/2011

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100% always dressed up. Doesn't matter where the location is ever. No their is no such thing as a dress code it is just expected everyone will dress up.

Lady Heather - posted on 09/20/2011

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Personally I think expecting people to get you a gift and possibly travel for your wedding AND buy a new outfit is a little much. Most weddings I go to I end up spending an average of $1000 bucks in travel and gifts. Now I have to buy a dress too? I really hope that doesn't become trendy.

Lady Heather - posted on 09/20/2011

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Shit, I'd be tempted not to go if I had to wear a particular colour. It's hard enough to find a dress that actually looks good and fits. You're also telling the person that if they don't have the right thing in their closet already then they have to buy something new just for your wedding. Why not just make everyone a bridesmaid or groomsman? That's where the colour theme is supposed to come in.

Kate CP - posted on 09/19/2011

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Well, when I got married if some one showed up in a suit and tie they would have been seriously over dressed. So yea, dress code does matter. Where the venue is, what time it's being held, the time of year, and the couple's wishes should all be taken into consideration when dressing for a special event like a wedding.

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[deleted account]

Emma, that's exactly what it means! Think tuxedo or morning coat and evening gown (for a night wedding). Will and Kate's royal do was formal day wedding.

And your reaction to it is how I think most people think.

Stifler's - posted on 09/22/2011

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But stockings are cool esp. those stay up ones with lace on the tops lol. I have no idea what formal even means and if it means daggy long gowns like people used to wear to prom before cocktail dresses to prom was cool then count me out.

Vicki - posted on 09/22/2011

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I like the dress code at my brother's wedding. Top hat or tiara. Anything else goes. Varied from 3 piece double breasted suit (my dad) to button up shirt, tails, board shorts and thongs (friend of my bro and mc). The best man wore a top hat, but with a dress as she is a woman. Was a nice relaxed wedding in the forest.

[deleted account]

Smart casual is just a fairly popular term here for business casual. Basically, what you would wear to an office job. And I was incorrect. We actually had "cocktail dress" on the invitations. That just means something nice that you'd go out in, but far from formal. I've not been to tons of weddings here, but none have been formal affairs and absolutely zero were black tie. The one black tie wedding I went to was in NZ of all places. The couple were pretty up themselves... think Mrs. Bucket from "Keeping up Appearances". They were no better off than anyone else and totally middle class, but three drops of rain would have drowned them their noses were that far up in the air.

I love that people are far more laid back and enjoy weddings nowadays. All that primping and formality just takes away from the fun. A wedding should be a big party to celebrate the couple, not some starchy affair where if you use the wrong fork someone will look at you like you've just crawled out from under a rock. Yes, I do know all about formal cutlery settings and can name all the utensils, but so what if someone can't.

Heather, I think we come from the same town! Although, a formal outfit for a guy wouldn't be complete without the Copenhagen tin in back pocket. lol

Pantyhose/stockings in QLD summers?! For freaking get it! I'm with Laura! I haven't worn pantyhose/stockings since I left my corporate job in 1998 and I never will again. Hmm, shouldn't say "never", but as long as I'm living here I certainly won't. Maybe stockings with a sexy garter to go with some lingerie for the bedroom, but that's it.

Emma, approximately 5in. 13/2.5=5.2

Tammy - posted on 09/21/2011

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I always take it for granted that weddings are formal; it's an age old tradition, so unless the invite states that you can come as you please, I would dress properly.

[deleted account]

I have received invitations that state "Black Tie Optional". Otherwise, it depends on the venue. I wouldn't dress the same for a mountaintop wedding as I would for a wedding in a church.

Merry - posted on 09/21/2011

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Haha you're not old! Old women can't get pregnant :) I'm just super young.

Sherri - posted on 09/21/2011

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Ya stilettos all the way. LOVE my 3" heels.



I am old Laura I have been to soooo many weddings in my adult life I can't even begin to keep track it has been a lot.

Merry - posted on 09/21/2011

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I don't have enough friends....but I do have one getting married this December! And then my sister in law in June! So I'll double my wedding count :):) I have three brothers and three sisters that are still single so hopefully they all marry soon too! Well, two are 12 so not TOO soon for them!

Stifler's - posted on 09/21/2011

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I'm at the stage of my life where all my friends are getting married I think. I'm going to be bored and depressed when it's over.

Merry - posted on 09/21/2011

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And I've only been to two weddings in my adult life :) and one funeral. So no real use for fancy outfits.

Merry - posted on 09/21/2011

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Lol all my dress shoes are flats and I go bare foot in them :) I only wear skirts to church, and almost never wear dresses. I don't own any heels.....except the ones I was married in but they are just an inch high or less....in winter I don't even wear skirts to church, too cold!

Sherri - posted on 09/21/2011

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@Laura that is funny I will NOT wear a dress without pantyhose. The reason I can not stand wearing heels without something on my foot so that is either trouser socks or pantyhose.

Stifler's - posted on 09/21/2011

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I think they would be the same lol I had tights when I was a kid they're opaque and I used to wear red and white ones under dresses and shorts now apparently they come in footless versions aswell. My mum used to wear knee highs or pantyhose ones with the butt in them when I was kid and now doesn't.

Merry - posted on 09/21/2011

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Are stockings also called nylons? Or pantyhose? (sp?)
I don't even OWN nylons, which to me means almost see through tights that come in various shades of brown or black, sometimes white or colors....
Yeah I don't have any.....not since I was a little girl!

Stifler's - posted on 09/21/2011

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I fully agree Jen, most dresses are more deb dresses than wedding gowns now. I didn't wear stockings to Mel's wedding I felt I should have but it was 30 degrees and humid. Stockings have been "out" for years here in QLD but they are coming back in. Or maybe I'm just getting to the age where people wear them. You look back at photos of convicts and they are dressed better than people dress at their own weddings.

Lady Heather - posted on 09/21/2011

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I had to google smart casual.

"You are going to an informal dinner with friends in an upscale restaurant. If male, you are wearing dress trousers (or even crisp jeans*), a long-sleeve shirt, maybe a tie, leather loafers or dressy slip-on's, patterned socks or solid-colored dress socks, a tipped belt, and you may or may not wear a sport coat. You are dressed in the Smart Casual category.

If female, you are wearing slacks, crisp jeans, or a skirt (long or short), a blouse or turtleneck, a fashionable belt, a jacket, a vest, or a sweater coordinated to your outfit, hosiery or socks with boots, flats (leather, suede, or fabric) or mid-heel shoes. You are also wearing jewelry, such as earrings that complement your overall outfit, at least. You are dressed in the Smart Casual category. Again, if you are wearing jeans, wearing a jacket upgrades you to Smart Casual. This category demands a pulled-together, harmonious, complete look with colors, fabrics, shoes, and accessories, for both men and women.

*If you are wearing crisp jeans, you must wear a sport coat for Smart Casual."

I can't read instructions like this without giggling. But good to know. A jacket makes crisp jeans smart. Who knew? I hail from a place where formal wear = some people are in their old prom dresses and others are in flannel shirts though.

[deleted account]

Agree with Sherri 100%.
The problem is that within literally the last 25 years, we've become such a laid back society about clothes. I mean NO ONE wore slips & camisoles after I think 1980. Suddenly 'semi-formal' was the word and no one really knows what that means. Does that mean a shirt and tie or a polo shirt. A suit isn't even formal when you get right down to it. So no one knows anymore. It is one of the few things I bemoan the loss of in society - the concept of proper dress.

And I do wish if we're going to bring back certain styles in fashion (suddenly feathers and flared jeans are back) we could go back to the rule that underwear belongs UNDER your clothes and that it is very very slovenly to all your underpants or bra to show.

[deleted account]

"I specified on our invitations ("smart casual") and that still stumped some of the family as to what they were supposed to wear"

You've stumped me. I don't know what that means either.

[deleted account]

I always assume a wedding is a formal event unless specifically told otherwise. I dress in formal evening clothes which includes pantyhose. I also assume that funerals and court appearances are formal events and wear formal day attire. The words "semi-formal' have no real meaning but I am a Miss Manners snob about clothes for specific occasions.

Like most wedding gowns these days are technically debutante style but that's really getting technical and no one listens anyway. :p

Aleks - posted on 09/21/2011

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I know these days its trendy for the couple getting married to provide their travel agents' details and people can donate some money to go towards their honeymoon (especially popular with those couples who have already been living together for quite some time and pretty much have everything anyway). I think that is quite a good idea :-)

[deleted account]

That group photo is freaking AWESOME! How fun would that have been?! And, she totally rocks that outfit too!

Who's the woman on the left, next to the Incredibles, with the green dress and red shoes supposed to be?

[deleted account]

Yeah, same here. We had a treasure chest, but most have wishing wells. Some of the wells are so elaborate! My SIL actually bought hers and it sits in their living room. Well, it used to until she left her husband for about 5 months before going back to him.

Charlie - posted on 09/20/2011

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Most of the weddings I have been to have a wishing well ...SOOO much easier for me IMO just throw some money in a card and BAM! your done haha.

Stifler's - posted on 09/20/2011

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people usually have everything so we chuck money in a card but we got lots of gifts for our wedding like wine glasses and gift cards and money. or they write a wishing well request with some witty poem in it basically saying we have everything, give us money to spend on our honeymoon.

[deleted account]

lol Emma, I specified on our invitations ("smart casual") and that still stumped some of the family as to what they were supposed to wear. AND, one of our really good friends came to our wedding in work gear (he did have to go to work straight after). Now, I'm sure Damo wears something like regular PPE type gear (fluro yellow and blue) for work, well, that's what Ricky came in! We knew he was coming in work gear (and didn't care), and since we were in the park he stood back from where we had the chairs so it wouldn't ruin any photos. He wouldn't have come, but he had to because he was taking our motorbike for the week we were away on our honeymoon.



Do people want gifts for their wedding anymore? Wow, I didn't think anyone bothered with that anymore. I had also specified on our invitations "no gifts", but it was worded more nicely. We didn't need anything, we just wanted people to come and have a good time. I can't remember the last time I had to buy a gift for a wedding!



If I had to travel a great distance for a wedding, the fact that I turned up would be my gift. It's too expensive to travel AND fork out money on a gift. When my little sister (who lives in LA) gets married, I will move heaven and earth to be there for her and I know that she will just be happy if we can make it.



The friend of mine who requested the colour scheme (mauve and taupe) wasn't being a control freak. The purpose of the colour scheme was in memory of her mother who had died about 3 months prior to the wedding. She wanted to have her mother all around her on her big day.

Melissa - posted on 09/20/2011

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i have heard of the bride and groom requesting before of some sort of theme, but that is when they want a theme to their wedding, or they want everyone formal attire. However, most weddings now they i would think would dress where the wedding is set, if it's on a beach, then dress appropriately, but most people go in Nice clothes dress/ or nice 2 piece as well as men wearing kakis or dress pants and a button up shirt and possibly even a tie

Lady Heather - posted on 09/20/2011

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Yeah, that's usually what we spend between us just because our family is all spread out. My sister's wedding was about $1600 in airfare alone. Then we had to stay in a hotel for a few nights so that was another $400. Then there was food. And a gift. And the dress was $200. And I needed new shoes. $75. But I'm her sister so that's cool. Just any friend or less related family? Too much to expect and adding clothes on top is pretty strange. You should always just be glad that your friends and family cared enough to make the trip.

Merry - posted on 09/20/2011

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Yeah my sisters wedding is going to cost us like $2,000!!!!

OUR wedding cost us $2,000!!!!

Ridiculous but hey ive never been to Florida and we've never had a vacation since our honeymoon and matts parents will help us out on costs but dang! That's alot to expect out of guests!

Stifler's - posted on 09/20/2011

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I didn't specify on ours and everyone turned up in suits and dresses I expected footy shorts and polos to tell the truth from some of the guests ahahahaha and I don't like the whole colour theme for the guests either... that is going overboard with the control. Some people say to pay for your own food and drinks and no gifts but I find it tacky to not show up with a gift and bring one anyway, especially if it's someone in your family.

Merry - posted on 09/20/2011

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My sister in law is getting married in June next year on the beach in Florida, and she's specifying that every guest is to wear white I think. Khakis and white for guys and white dresses for girls. I know most weddings you're NOT allowed to wear white so the white bride stands out but her choice is that everyone be white. Sooooo it doesn't bother me, I have one white dress and if it doesn't work I can find a new one on clearance in kohls or sears or something. I don't have to spend a fortune, just get any white dress! Could wear MY wedding dress :):):) haha probably not!

Clare - posted on 09/20/2011

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weel i personally think that its rude to dress like a tramp so if it was a wedding or christening i think its polite to wear either dress or suit, but if its like a birthday smart casual seems right, the way i go by it is if the host is to be dresses smart so should u,

Aleks - posted on 09/20/2011

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Yes, we have once or twice received an invite specifing a dress code. It was the standard - black tie event. But nevertheless...
Sometimes weddings can be less formal... and sometimes the wedding has a colour theme, etc... so yeah...
But if there was no dress code specified one would normally assume Formal dress code - kind of unspecified rule. I think..lol

Tracey - posted on 09/20/2011

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I recently went to a wedding that had a colour code, everyone had to wear black and white.

[deleted account]

Every QLD wedding I've been to HAS had a dress code on the invitation. I had one on mine. Whether there was a theme or a special request (I had one friend who wanted everyone to come dressed in mauve or taupe/beige) or not.

When I was planning our wedding, it was actually specified in the planning software I used (made by a lady from Brissie) to include the dress code on the invite.

It's just a courtesy to take the guesswork out for the guests really. OR if you have some really bogan rellos and you want to make sure they dress appropriately.

Stifler's - posted on 09/19/2011

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And Joanna that article read my mind lol that's why I don't know why people would write a dress code on their invite

Stifler's - posted on 09/19/2011

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Oh the wedding is over I was just wondering ahaha and yeah I don't like the whole jeans thing unless it was specified casual or at the beach. If I get an invite that is at the beach I don't wear shoes to the beach lol

Lady Heather - posted on 09/19/2011

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Just a nice, short (but obviously not too short) dress that goes with the weather. I've never been to a wedding that expected anything more. I usually try to find out what the bridesmaids are wearing so I don't wear the same colour. My husband always wears a suit. Never really thought about it too much.

My BIL's wedding was weird though. We were dressed in our normal attire and some other people were like that too and then there a bunch of people in jeans and crap. Ummm...? I think I would only do that if the invite specifically told me to wear jeans.

Nikki - posted on 09/19/2011

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All the QLD weddings I have been too have been pretty casual, dress, pants and a shirt. My hubby turned up to our wedding in an un ironed shirt and he had just been swimming on a 38c day, so he was a big sweat ball. I should have specified a dress code to him!

Sal - posted on 09/19/2011

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there have been a few where it is indicated but usually just a small note at the bottom, either smart casual or cocktail, but if it is very formal they can inicate white tie or formal, for main though the type of wedding would dictate the dress code and the location, garden. cocktail, lunch would indicate lower key than a cathederal, formal reception type thing....

[deleted account]

Generally, I wear a dress and my husband wears nice pants and dress shirt and tie. It always seems to work.

Charlie - posted on 09/19/2011

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Last wedding I went to the father of the bride was in a Tuxedo jacket and boardshorts haha.

Smart casual LOL.

Stifler's - posted on 09/19/2011

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Maybe it's a Queenslander thing to have no dress code lol no one writes it on their invites and everyone still turns up in a suit or pants, shirt and vest or tie and a dress.

Charlie - posted on 09/19/2011

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MOst weddings down here are on the beach and are smart casual or cocktail I cant remember being invited to a formal one !

Stifler's - posted on 09/19/2011

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I've never gotten an invite with a dress code on it lol I just assume weddings are formal like women wear a dress and heels and men wear a suit or at least suit pants and a nice shirt.

Charlie - posted on 09/19/2011

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Yeah pretty much all invitations I have had, had a dress code like it will say.
Formal dress
cocktail
smart causal ect.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/19/2011

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Hmmm.....for weddings it definitely depends on how fancy it is, and what time of day it is. During the afternoon in the summer, you can totally get away with wearing a dress shirt and tie....night, you really should have a sports coat or a suit if it is really fancy. I have received invites that have specified "cocktail dress" "gown" etc.

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