Extreme Discipline

Julianne - posted on 01/10/2011

im not judging anyone as a parent.. You believe what your doing is in the best intrest of your child
But i KNOW that hitting another human being is WRONG
. My daughter went through a biting stage, you know what i did?? pretended to be really really hurt and she turned her little lip up like she was so upset for causing me pain and then....she didn't do it anymore because she learned that it would hurt me. Not that if she does it, she gets hurt.

Bonnie - posted on 01/10/2011

Liz, who was your comment towards?

Kate CP - posted on 01/10/2011

While I don't condone spanking or really any of the other stuff mentioned before I think it's important to realize that all the comments up to this point have been actually attacking a woman's method of parenting. This will neither change a person's mind (makes them VERY defensive) nor is it very polite. There are better ways to get your point(s) across.

Liz - posted on 01/10/2011

Becky-I find it funny that you think you have the right to judge someone for the way they parent when you may not be any better.



Personally I believe in teaching my children to treat people as they want to be treated. I teach my kids that if they want to treat people bad they will get that in return. My son went through a horrible biting stage but he only bit his sisters so guess what I told them to bite him back. The most amazing thing happened, he quit biting right away.

Bonnie - posted on 01/10/2011

If you are not abusing your child, why would you choose to bite them? I don't get it.

Julianne - posted on 01/10/2011

hahahaha so funny people have respect for their children and their rights. This is a hoot, people actually think their children are PEOPLE and deserve to be treated with dignity!! LMAO SO FUNNY

Becky - posted on 01/10/2011

you find it funny that a woman has learnt how to hurt her baby without leaving marks on him at the age of one?
And yes there are a lot of people out there hurting kids but child abuse is not something i can "get over"

Liz - posted on 01/10/2011

Becky-Sherri is 1 of many many mothers that have bit a child to show it hurts so get over it.

From what I'm reading the only way to discipline without "abusing" your child is to tell them no or use time out or talk about feeling. Seriously this is funny.

Becky - posted on 01/10/2011

Sherri i cant believe you are trying to justify biting a one year old. i feel physically sick

Kate CP - posted on 01/10/2011

You can't say "Oh My God?" in your house?

Sherri - posted on 01/10/2011

If you do not leave marks it is not considered abuse. I would never bite a baby anyways only over the age of one and to me that is a toddler not a baby. It is just to teach them it hurts.

Nikkole - posted on 01/10/2011

I know for me i was terrified of my mother when i was younger she would throw shoes at us if we didnt come to her and she couldn't catch us my mom is kinda crazy but she is the total opposite to my kids she wont even tell them no :P

Becky - posted on 01/10/2011

If you bit a baby here you would have your children taken into care.

Sherri - posted on 01/10/2011

Well at a year I would say no if they continued to touch then I would swat their hand. Great glad they are scared of me. *Laughing so hard*

Becky - posted on 01/10/2011

My god your babies comprehension at age one is outstanding because if i said to lottie [15 months] "if you do that again you will get a swat on your hand or your behind" she would have no idea what i was saying! on the other hand if i said "NO" and distracted her with something more interesting she would LEARN that playing with the bricks is fun playing with the plug socket is not {for example}
Children only begin to have an ability to understand consequence at around the age of four. so you are hitting your kids without ANY effect whatsoever THEY ARE JUST SCARED OF YOU.

Sherri - posted on 01/10/2011

Yes Tara we will never agree on discipline you bite me I bite you back, you pull my hair, I will pull yours, you say naughty words you will first be taught they are naughty, however, you continue using them there will be consequences my middle one learned that last night by continuing to say OMG so his video game is permanently taken away and he spent the night in his room staring at his 4 walls.

Sherri - posted on 01/10/2011

That is great Tara I am glad that you never spanked. I disagree spanking for our family is a very important discipline tool. However, at my childrens ages now they are no longer spanked we only spank from ages 1 till about 3yrs old when they can be better reasoned with. So all my children were spanked but not anymore.

Jodi to answer your question I don't care if spanking supposedly became illegal if you are living under my roof you will be spanked. There is no state in the US where it is illegal and I don't ever see it going in that direction in my life time.

My children have all been spanked they are some of the most empathetic kids you will ever meet. Sorry but I am there mother and I am the boss you screw up you damn well better be scared of me. It is not a democracy in my house I am the adult you are the child. I am not their friend I am their parent and that is what I do parent. I am not oh honey don't do this lets do something else. No I said don't touch if you do it again you will get a swat on your hand or a swat on your behind.

Tara - posted on 01/10/2011

Water in the face, lemon in the mouth for biting, soap in the mouth for swearing etc. etc. these are all examples of abuse of control. Parents should not physically punish their children.

It perpetuates the notion that violence/physical punishment is an acceptable form of discipline, which perpetuates the idea that violence is okay.

Water in the face is disrespectful to a child. It's insulting. It says "you are not allowed to act this way and I don't think you are smart enough to learn another way to deal with your feelings"

So the kid learns to suppress his feelings because all he has to do is look at the squirt bottle and he'll feel shame.

Nikkole - posted on 01/10/2011

i agree

Julianne - posted on 01/10/2011

Less sever, but still just as wrong.

Nikkole - posted on 01/10/2011

I agree i dont like spankings but everyone has different ideas of parenting and that won't change even if spankings become illegal people break the law all the time im sure the majority of people will stop. BUT as for water in the face i find that less sever than the women who strapped her kid down for time outs that is soo wrong!

Tara - posted on 01/10/2011

@Sherri
I have raised/am raising 6 kids. ages 1, 5, 8, 10, 14 and 17. So...I can offer some parenting advice to you and everyone else.
Spanking and other forms of physical punishment are archaic and fundamentally flawed.
They do not teach appropriate coping skills, they do not teach self awareness, they do not teach a child to be empathetic.
They teach that when you are bigger than someone else and you don't like what they do/say etc. you can hurt them or scare them so they won't do it again.
It doesn't make sense to parent that way when there are so many other ways of raising kids that respects their autonomy and sense of self.
You and I have been over this before though.
But for what it's worth, I have raised all my kids without violence or physical punishment. They are great people and very empathetic towards others.
:)

Jodi - posted on 01/10/2011

I'm actually curious as to what people who spank are going to do when it is made illegal. Because I believe that IS the direction it is headed. Where I live, it is already illegal to use an implement. They also dictate where you are allowed to spank, and how many swats are permitted at any one time. In fact, in some areas, parents HAVE been prosecuted for use of implements such as wooden spoons. It really is only a matter of time.

On topic, I don't agree with a squirt in the face - I think it constitutes emotional abuse. If I think about it, if someone did that to me every time I was upset or angry, I would find it very disconcerting, but it really wouldn't stop me. If anything I think I would be more upset. I have always found with my kids that in a temper tantrum situation, walking away will help them calm down enough for us then to deal with it rationally.

Julianne - posted on 01/10/2011

Eventually people will look at beating their children the same way we look at giving a baby whiskey for teething.

Minnie - posted on 01/10/2011

Exactly, Becky. I know that it's not acceptable for me to yell and stomp, slam doors when I'm furious but when you're in the heat of your emotions it's really hard to control them. Of course you feel stupid afterwards.

So if an adult can have an outburst because he or she just had too big of emotions and didn't think to calm down prior why do we expect children not two years out of the womb to have more control? And to be punished for not really getting life yet?

Sherri - posted on 01/10/2011

See that is where your wrong I am not mad. A spanking curbs the behavior and they are explained to why they were spanked and what they should do next time. I am not saying beat your kid, A swat on the diapered bum is not going to cause damage. A squirt of water is not going to hurt them is all I am saying this in no way a debate over whos parenting style is better than someone elses. Honestly I don't care if you disagree with my methods and I don't care if you guys opt to discipline differently. You use what works for you and we will do the same. Problem solved.

Becky - posted on 01/10/2011

I agree that temper tantrums are unacceptable, but I don't see how spanking or otherwise physically disciplining your child teaches them anything other than, "when I have temper tantrums, it makes mommy mad and mommy hits when she's mad." Better to teach them that a tantrum is not the way to get what they want and to teach them better ways of handling their emotions.
And Lisa, lots of adults have temper tantrums, I think! :) We may not lie on the ground and kick and scream, but losing your temper and yelling and cursing is basically just an adult temper tantrum! It's no more appropriate than a toddler tantrum, but sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it's all we can do. If we can't always control our emotions and respond appropriately to them, how can we possibly punish a 2 year old child for not being able to?!

Julianne - posted on 01/10/2011

I KNOW that temper tantrums are not acceptable, that's common sense. Physical punishment is WRONG no matter what way you dress it up. You teach the child to suppress their emotions when you physically punish them for expressing anger.



Teaching a child how to deal with their emotional outbursts that come through in the form of a tantrum makes it so the tantrums don't happen. You do not punish a child for their emotions.

Minnie - posted on 01/10/2011

Ah, I have temper tantrums on occasion. Things get too overwhelming for me and I stomp or yell, or slam a door..some people shout and curse..

Wow. Imagine if my husband punched me when I was furious and displaying that emotion in order to 'teach' me to do differently.

Becky - posted on 01/10/2011

Well I'm just glad my husband no longer has the right to use that "learning tool" on me. and that if i ever have to go into a hospital with old age or mental heath issues they cant use violence to help me control my emotions any more.
BUT for fuck sake we are talking about the under two's here. i find your methods wrong.

Sherri - posted on 01/10/2011

It isn't lazy or ignorant Becky. Just like any form of discipline it is used as a learning tool.

Julianne temper tantrums for no age group are acceptable. The emotions are fine however, they need to be taught how to deal with those emotions and a temper tantrum is not an acceptable way to handle sadness or anger. Because I said no you can not have or do something does not mean they get to scream, sob uncontrollably and throw themselves to the floor. It means yes you can be sad and cry or have a pouty face. Your not differentiating the difference.

I am not knocking that you choose other ways to discipline I don't find your methods wrong, just different than mine. If what you are doing works for you great and what we choose to do works for our family. This is what makes the world go around. Different methods, ideas and philosophies.

Becky - posted on 01/10/2011

Julianne i have five children age one to eighteen and like you was determined to raise them without violence, which i have done.
Here in england there is a huge movement by the NSPC to make all physical violence toward children illegal,
It seems to be the opposite over there. no smacking =no discipline i've never heard so much crap in my life.
hitting kids isn't discipline ,its lazy ignorant child abuse.and as for squirting them in the face with water, i think the expression is WTF

Julianne - posted on 01/10/2011

When gabby takes little fits, i ignore the behavior and then talk about anger as an emotion how it makes you feel, and how to deal with it. Shes a little young to fully understand right now, but she will get it as she grows. I did the same thing with my brother and sister when i was raising them, who are now 16 and 8. I do agree that the tantrum is not acceptable, but other ways of dealing with it is better for their emotional development.

Teresa - posted on 01/10/2011

If I punch someone because I'm angry... I'm gonna get in trouble. The anger isn't the unacceptable part, but the way I expressed it is. The anger that causes the temper tantrum is acceptable, but the temper tantrum isn't. I agree w/ Sherri AND Juianne on this one.

Figure THAT one out. ;)

Rosie - posted on 01/10/2011

so i didn't read all of the replys in the link, but i'm assuming it's about the spraying water in the face, soooo here's my 2 cents.
it's not something i would ever do, nor has it ever crossed my mind since it's something that someone would normally do to a CAT not their child. but is there anything really horrible about it? not really. it's not hurting the kid, and i doubt they will remember it when they are older. doesn't mean i think it's the right method, just not that horrifying i guess.

Julianne - posted on 01/10/2011

fyi, not "advice" just what i know about the issue.

Julianne - posted on 01/10/2011

umm,. i believe temper tantrums are for children, not teens....(although some teens have them)

So i guess because I haven't been a parent for a long time I'm completely ignorant when it comes to brain and emotional development....good to know.

Sherri - posted on 01/10/2011

Thanks for the advice Julianne, I will be sure to remember that. (severe sarcasm) When you have 3 children and they get to be teenagers then you can give me parenting advice.

Julianne - posted on 01/10/2011

temper tantrums are an emotional outburst. They feel and cant deal with it so it comes out in the form of a tantrum. Same goes for happy emotions, ever notice when kids get extremely excited they jump up and down? Emotions are overwhelming for a child. They should never be punished for having emotions.

Sherri - posted on 01/10/2011

Having emotions is fine being angry, sad etc. they are never punished for having emotions. They are punished for temper tantrums....HUGE DIFFERENCE!!

We do use spanking and teaching them at the same time. It can be done trust me. My husband and I were raised this way as have my three kids. Nobody is damaged, scarred or whatever you guys say.

Julianne - posted on 01/10/2011

"Temper tantrums are too often considered acceptable toddler behavior I disagree teach them it is unacceptable and you will find they won't do the unacceptable behavior. "





Temper tantrums are not "acceptable" having emotions is. Punishing a child for their emotions teaches a child to suppress them. Any form of punishment is wrong to do to a child. Teach them differently and they will learn, punishing them only teaches them not to do something because its bad, not WHY they shouldn't do it.

Sherri - posted on 01/10/2011

Julianne you are really going overboard, I simply will not live my life with WHAT IF's or it could happens, We get it you think it will cause an infection okay so don't do it to your daughter.

Lisa well I will tell you I have 3 kids 13, 12 & 4. My oldest threw a handful of temper tantrums in his entire life. He would get a spank, My middle one maybe one or so ever and got a spank, My youngest is 4 and has never had a temper tantrum. At 2 yrs old all of my kids could speak in complete sentences so temper tantrums by that age were NEVER acceptable. If they had a problem I expected them to communicate that to me with words. If they would whine I would simply walk away I don't tolerate whining either, when you can talk to me in your normal voice I will talk to you until then nope. I am not going to ignore a temper tantrum that is unacceptable behavior and there are consequences for unacceptable behavior at 1yr or 14yrs. Temper tantrums are too often considered acceptable toddler behavior I disagree teach them it is unacceptable and you will find they won't do the unacceptable behavior.

Bonnie - posted on 01/10/2011

To me, if you have to make your child afraid of you in order to get them to listen to you, than you are just taking the easy way out.

Minnie - posted on 01/10/2011

Wow, many posts overnight. But going back to your comment, Sherri, what did this little toddler do that was so WRONG (your words- doing wrong necessitates punishment) that warranted being squirted in the face? Ugh. Wrong. You know, when I hear that I think robbery. Vandalism. Battery. Murder. But here wrong= 22 month old crying because he or she can't handle his or her big feelings.



The child was being a normal toddler. The woman said she squirts her child in the face for having 'temper tantrums.' These are displays of BIG emotions that the child does not have the ability to deal with in a socially acceptable manner. It isn't WRONG. It's age-appropriate. Being angry or frustrated doesn't necessitate punishment. Punishment is shame- it isn't teaching. The mother should be empathizing with her child's emotions and helping the child to deal with his or her emotions in a better way. TEACHING. Not punishing.

Julianne - posted on 01/10/2011

choking or infection was the original comment, i am aware that pneumonia is highly unlikely, but repetitively being sprayed in the face and frequent inhalation can cause an infection and puts the kid at risk of choking.

Charlie - posted on 01/09/2011

First of all this is a child not an animal WTF is wrong with people , second Julianne what you are describing is HIGHLY unlikely unless she is forcably holding the childs mouth open and directly spraying down their mouth.
Thirdly you cannot get water on the lungs by simply inhaling a small amount of water , drowning yes but inhaling a spray no ( I lived with someone who suffered from this ) Water on the lungs is primarily a cardiac and circulatory problem the chance that this could cause water on the lungs or aspiration is pretty much non exsistant .

Becky - posted on 01/09/2011

Aaack! I decided to visit the Sept. 2009 babies board - Zach's board - and this is what I found. http://www.circleofmoms.com/due-in-septe...
I can't believe how many moms are smacking their 15/16 month olds! Seriously disturbing!

Julianne - posted on 01/09/2011

umm sprayed directly in the face, water coming towards the opening air goes into your body...with force...not mist a spray of water, i dont know about the spray bottles you've seen, but the water doesn't dribble out.

Julianne - posted on 01/09/2011

yea i said choking, or cause an infection but that's ridiculous HAHAHA

Becky - posted on 01/09/2011

Okay, I did mention the risk of them choking, but I know the risks of that are low. My bigger concern is, physically harmful or not, being sprayed in the face like that could be scary for a young child. I know Zach gets scared when Cole gets overzealous in the bath and splashes him in the face! And I disagree with disciplining with fear. You don't have to make your child afraid of you to get them to listen to you!