Family Co sleeping

Jen - posted on 03/09/2012 ( 83 moms have responded )

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And i'm not talking about little kids 2-3 still doing it i'm talking about kids 8-9 still co sleeping with their parents. What are your thoughts on this subject?

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September - posted on 03/10/2012

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We don't co-sleep. Our son slept in our room in a bassinette until he was 3 months then went into a crib in his own room. He's 3 now and sleeps in his big boy bed very comfortably. Co-sleeping is just not for our family. If it works for you then great, I don't see a problem with it. Although I can’t imagine a teen sleeping between hubby and me…seems a little weird imo.

Minnie - posted on 03/09/2012

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I can't imagine that there is anything wrong with family members who love each other's company sleeping together at night. The bed does not -have- to be a 'sacred marital bed' if you don't want it to be. Humans are social creatures. Other mammalian family units sleep together. Only our culture has deemed it 'unhealthy.'



Our six year old sleeps in a twin shoved up to our bed. Everyone should sleep where they get the best sleep.

Ania - posted on 03/11/2012

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If we all should learn how to sleep on our own, why do we sleep with out spouses in bed? That's just out of curiosity :) I'm pregnant now and I just send my husband away to a guest room, so I can sleep on my own. I wish we could have to beds in our bedroom and sleep sepearate. As for babies, we coslept when my son was a newborn, I felt much safer that way, plus he was close to the breast. When he turned 2-3 months it was on off with cosleeping, I stopped being comfortable, but every time we had some issues with his sleep we all definately got more sleep when he was in bed with us, so coosleeping worked very well for us. He didn't have issues with moving to the crib or any of that,

Stifler's - posted on 03/11/2012

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I understand the fear. Damo goes to work at 5, the kids go to bed at 6, we watch tv we go to bed. If they were in our bed it would be really annoying and we probably wouldn't have sex.

Jennifer - posted on 03/10/2012

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That is NOT for me!! First, my kids tumble around the bed all night long. Second, I'm a feather light sleeper. Third, as loose as our modesty standards are, I'd not like my sons that close while I slept!



I know a couple families that did co-sleep forever, and I don't think much of it, so I guess it's just a family choice. My husband would go for it before I would, but I think it's normally the womans choice. All I can think though is when do you get to have some sex??

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Amy - posted on 03/12/2012

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Not sure if it's really co sleeping in our house but kind of :) My son is 8 & has always slept in his own bed, a few years ago his dad & I separated for a few months once we got back together he wanted to sleep with us "as a family" he really did need it at the time & now he still sleeps with us on the weekends sometimes (only on weekends & not every weekend) he does ask sometimes during the week but its super rare. So no sure how we qualify lol but I figure when he's ready to stop thats fine & its only weekends so no-ones schedule gets messed up

[deleted account]

My son goes to his bed at 6.30, my daughter comes to bed with me at whatever time that may be (anywhere between 10.30pm and about midnight) but she goes to sleep well before that, she is usually asleep by 7pm and stirs slightly when we go upstairs but if she wakes I give her some milk and she goes straight back to sleep. I have a high bed so I couldn't put her to sleep on her own, we are working on getting her into her own cot though because she has started wriggling more and it's not so comfortable being woken up with a kick to the head, or feet rammed in your back lol.

Sal - posted on 03/12/2012

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my older son coslept for about 4-5years not an active choice, i was single and it just kind of happened......my next daughter didn't sleep well, ANYWHERE, i didn,t want to bed share but i would of done anything to get a good nights sleep....my next loved her bassinette next to our bed, she loves comming in now but i couldn't co sleep with her as she is almost impossible to sleep with she sleeps sidewards and kickes like amule....i think as long as mum and dad get enough sleep, enough sex and time for mummy daddy talk time it really doesn't matter who sleeps where....when any of those things are being intrupted then changes need to be made

Julie - posted on 03/12/2012

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Can the 8-9 year olds sleep with each other? They will have more fun than you can imgaine and grow up very close.

IF they are male and female they should be separated at about 11 or so, depending.

Janice - posted on 03/12/2012

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Our room is 11.5 x 13 but the way the room is we would be blocking the heater or the closets or both if we did anything like that. The kids rooms are very tiny too. Its good that you can work it out though. :)

Christina - posted on 03/12/2012

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even though my 2 year old is always in my bed it seem like i dely dont like the co sleeping. with my 2 year old up until last month she was still in our room due to haveing a small home. now that we have moved she has her own room but she does show up at 2 or 3 in the morning. at that point we dont say anything. but her dad has never pushed the issue of her going back to her bed even when she was in our room

Merry - posted on 03/12/2012

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If your bed was baby safe I'd likely just put him to bed at 8 and join him whenever I was ready.

Merry - posted on 03/12/2012

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Krista in your case I don't think I'd co sleep either. The height of the bed would be a no go for me and if I had a schedule like that it would also be no go for me.

My days are flexible and open and my bed is low and big and baby safe and it just works. We did put in effort to make it work but that's because I knew it was workable.

I don't think babies who sleep in cribs are hurt by it.

I do feel like sleeping with mom is the best choice if possible but it's not always possible.

Though I do feel like Eric missed out a lot by me enforcing him sleep apart from me. Sleeping in moms arms is just so natural that I feeli made him deal with sleeping alone and I don't think it benefitted him any. I think this time of him in bed with us is very good for him.

He's less clingy and less needy because he isn't seperated from me all night. Makes him more happy and secure in the day time.



I guess I do feel like if you can make it work, sleeping with baby is best for all, but if you can't then just being attentive to the child all night and not letting them cry is the next best option.

Krista - posted on 03/12/2012

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Yeah, I could never go to bed at the same time as my son. We get home at 5:45, and then it's supper, dishes, playtime, bathtime, and bed at 8pm. If I went to bed when he did, when would I get the laundry done, or any other things in the house? (Not to mention spending time with my husband).



And I know some people keep their kids up later, so that they can all go to bed at the same time, but that wouldn't work for me either. We have to get up at 6am to go to work/daycare. So then my son would be severely sleep-deprived. Not gonna happen. And besides...I like having that quiet time in the evening with my husband after our son goes to bed. I love my child, but I NEED that couple of hours in the evening to decompress and just have adult time.

Jenn - posted on 03/12/2012

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Our girls co slept until this past summer, then they moved to their own room with twin beds pushed together and now separate beds in their room. It wasnt intentional to cosleep that long but extended nursing and then just a mutual love of all being together. I knew my oldest, then 6, would gve us signals when she was ready to be on her own. Her fouryear old sister was ready when big sis was. My husband and I will always cherish those years but we are definitely happy with our new sleeping arrangements. Whatever works for individual families, I say!

Merry - posted on 03/12/2012

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I go to bed around 9-10pm and wake around 7-8 am. So that's a lot of sleep but I need it!

Janice, we live in a 3 bedroom apartment and the master bedroom is 9ft by 15ft not including the closet and so two queen beds fit oerfectly under our window side by side they are 9ft wide. So there's no space to fall off three sides.

We also fit our DVD towers, a up and down 5 drawer dresser, a love seat and ottoman, and a end table in the bedroom. The closet is a walk through closet with room on both sides for clothes and through the closet is a bathroom. Then there's two smaller bedrooms and another bathroom too. Pretty nice for an apartment I gotta say!

Janice - posted on 03/12/2012

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I could never go to sleep so early either. My 2 year old goes to bed at 8 and we are slowly trying to get our son to start his long sleep earlier than 10pm. I go to bed between 11-12 and we are all up between 6:30-7:30.



What I want to know is how you fit 2 queen size beds in your room Laura! :)

Stifler's - posted on 03/11/2012

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I go to bed at 830 sometimes. I have been staying up later. I think that when we were younger and first together it was fun to do it in the spare room, on the couch, on the ktichen bench, in the bathroom but it was like what's the point of this when we have a bed.

Sherri - posted on 03/11/2012

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I don't know how you guys go to bed so early. Right now I avg. going to bed between 12am-2am because Bentley feeds so often and I am up by 7am for the day.

Casey - posted on 03/11/2012

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I can understand doing it if your nursing, and until they only wake once or so a night - but after that it's just a bit too full on for me. I don't understand the 'want' to sleep the whole family in the bed. to me its my time, to relax, maybe read, and whether or not hubby and I want to have sex is bedside the point. To me its about having the space and separation and that time is purely dedicated to being in my relationship with him that doesn't have to be mum time too. - even if it's just cuddling and sleeping.

Jennifer - posted on 03/11/2012

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Um, Lisa, I know a few parents who co-sleep and the kids go to bed with the adults(that is a problem I have with it, don't think the kids get enough sleep) and for me and my husband.......well.......we have two locking doors in our house- the front and the back-and they are never locked. We also have 5 fully mobile kids. We do keep it in the bedroom. It doesn't get boring. But maybe I'm not up to the excitment of my 20 year old and friends walking in the kitchen and getting an eye-full!!

Merry - posted on 03/11/2012

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As for sex we have it anytime the situation presents itself. Never right before bed and rarely ever immediately upon waking. But we do it and it's working fine!

Our bed is a box spring and mattress on the floor with no frame and I like it that way even way before we started co sleeping.

Eric slept in a bassinet and then a crib and then his own room and it was 'fine'

But when I conceived Fierna I decided to bed share and she has slept with me from birth. When she was about 6 months and Eric was 2.5 we allowed Eric to join us in bed and now the four of us all sleep together.



As for flaily wiggly babies I feel like having a big enough bed is key for happy bed sharing, we have two queen beds together and it works well.



As with other things, the easiest way to stop co sleeping is to wait it out until your child decides to do it themselves. And along the way you can encourage thm and convince them out of it but going cold turkey at any age is never the easiest way.



Naps? I nurse her to sleep and place her in our bed. I hear her when she wakes.

I usually go to bed with the baby and I can easily sleep 10-11 hours along with her and I feel that is beneficial to me!

Merry - posted on 03/11/2012

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By about 6 years old I'd be encouraging my mis into their own beds.

Currently my 3 yr old and 10 month old sleep in a double queen bed with my husband and me.



I think before puberty it's no biggie but IMO when you're creeping towards that age of puberty they need their own space.



That said I know a family whose 5 kids shared a giant bed for their whole childhoods. Yes until they moved out. There was G G B G B and the oldest is now married and pregnant, second is in college, third is in college, the little two are in highschool and all appear normal.

[deleted account]

Hmm it is interesting Sally, can I ask where you are in the uk (top, middle or bottom lol) and how old your kids are, if you have older kids it may have changed since you had them, I know they frowned upon my SIL co sleeping 5 years ago but when my turn came around just over 2 years ago I was given safe co sleeping literature.

Janice - posted on 03/11/2012

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Julianne I agree with everything you just said.

When you have a c-section the worst part is sitting up from lying down (IMO). Having to sit up to and then use those cut muscles to get her out of her bassinet was terrible!. I was so happy when we learned to nurse lying down.



And while hubby and I do have sex in bed (when kids are not in it), there are other places. Bed sharing will only interfere with your sex life if you let it.



Although if your children are older like the post asked about I can see how it can make it very difficult considering kids that age dont nap!

[deleted account]

I wasn't even planning on bed sharing, then gabby nursed so frequently at first, plus I had a cesarian, it was way easier for me to just leave her sleep in my bed. I don't think i could have handled it any other way.

As for the sex while co-sleeping....you really only do it in your bed? Maybe I'm adventurous or something but if i only had sex in my bed i would find that really boring..Co-sleeping gave us more incentive to be creative.

Sally - posted on 03/11/2012

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Toni M. Thats interesting. There must be different views in different parts of the country cos here its really frowned on. I know mums who do ,just to get some sleep and i don't blame them but its just not something i could get on with. I know i wouldn't sleep properly

[deleted account]

I don't understand this fear that people who co sleep don't get that intimate time with their partner. Where there's a will there's a way!

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 03/10/2012

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Yep, that is what I did Sherri. Slept on the couch for the first 3 months and breastfed all night long...well it felt that way. ;) Then it was off into his crib.

Sherri - posted on 03/10/2012

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Yup that is exactly what I have to do April as we don't bedshare and I am up anywhere from 4-8x's a night every night. Although I am not sleeping in our bedroom right now so my husband can sleep. I am on the couch and Bentley sleeps in his swing.

April - posted on 03/10/2012

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"I couldn't function having to get up and nurse a baby then try to ease that baby back into a crib. Sleeping and nursing at the same time just worked best for me."



HELL YEAH! I learned my lesson the first time with my son--he nursed all night long (reverse cycle nurser). I would have to get out of bed approximately 8 times a night to nurse him when he was an infant. I refuse to do that again! Bedsharing all the way!



I also have a unique situation. I am profoundly deaf. I am simply not comfortable with my kids in another room, while my hearing aid is off and I am asleep. I don't like that. Until my children are comfortable enough to come and get me if there is a problem, I feel super uncomfortable leaving them alone.



My son is 3, he's only been bedsharing for 1 year. I finally couldn't take the nightmare anymore that was the all night milk buffet (oh btw, his crib was in our room). I know he isn't quite mature enough to come get me if there's a problem--sick, bad dream, whatever. He would probably sit there and cry until either A) he fell asleep or B) I get up to pee and notice he is sitting on the bed crying.



As for future siblings, if he is not ready for his own room, I'll be getting a twin bed to push up against our bed so that we can all stay together.



Funny story: I've been telling my son since we've been TTC that if he has a baby brother or sister one day, he/she will probably cry a lot and that he (my son) will probably want his own room. My son, bless his heart, says, "Well, tell him to cry downstairs!"

Casey - posted on 03/10/2012

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Yeah, no thanks. When she was 1-2 months old, and her dad left for work at 5am and she woke up, I would put her on his side, with pillows either side of her so I could soothe her back to sleep and we could get more rest. (she was a horrid sleeper) But other than that, no way. I can't sleep when she's there, And that's my time to relax, be with hubby, and sleep!

Christine - posted on 03/10/2012

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I see nothing wrong with it, to each it's own.My son slept with me till he was three or four. My daughter did a few times with me and her dad but it wasn't an every night situation, maybe only cause her not climbing in bed with us though

Tina - posted on 03/10/2012

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Totally weird, imo. Kids should be very independent by that age (able to get up, get themselves dressed, make their own beds, pour their own cereal, brush their teeth, put their homework in their backpacks, etc.). My seven-year-old does all of those things, and I'm mostly there to braid her hair and keep her focused on the clock when we're in a rush in the mornings. Why on Earth would a kid who's capable of doing all of that not sleep independently?



Besides the lack of psychological independence suggested by the co-sleeping, there's the physical awkwardness. By 8 or 9, some girls are already wearing training bras, and a few even start menstruating in elementary school. They really need to be in their own beds.

Amy - posted on 03/10/2012

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My kids didn't start co-sleeping till they were older. We lay with my 6 year old till he's asleep, and then get up....he doesn't wake up in our bed once he's asleep in his bed he wakes in the middle of the night. My now 2 year old still starts the night in her crib and comes in during the middle of the night, it's a king size bed so I'm no more worried about them falling out of my bed then falling out of there own.

[deleted account]

Krista, I DO go to bed when my son does. It's one of the reasons I don't mind co-sleeping. ;)



From birth til 5 months he went to bed when I went to bed. From 6-14ish months he was in his crib in my room... pretty much since then we've had the same bedtime. I COULD get up and go out of the room when he falls asleep (since I get up to pee all the time), but I'd rather stay in bed. A bit after he turned two I had a friend remove one side of his crib (crib converts... he wouldn't stay in it after 14 months and would go hysterical if I put him in there) and my bed is right up against his, so SOME nights he actually stays in his bed the whole time. He's a mover though, so ends up in my bed a lot... I just roll him if he gets to close or turns and starts heading down the end of my bed. lol

[deleted account]

Ugh- I really should copy, paste and save my answer because I repeat myself every time this question comes up!



My motto "Pick a bed, any bed, I don't care, just go to sleep." My 7 year old son was a crappy sleeper from the day we brought him home. Over the years, we have played ring-around-the beds. And I don't care! We all need a good night sleep. My alarm goes off at 4:35 am, and hubby's alarm is 6:30 am. Nothing is worse than being cranky and sleep deprived and having to function at work. Therefore- whatever makes my son feel comfortable, safe, and secure. Honestly- the cat on my pillow bugs the hell out of me way more than my kid in my bed!



Oh- and trust me we have more sex out of our bed than in our bed!

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 03/10/2012

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I hear ya Krista. I have the exact same type of sleigh bed. It is huge, very high off the floor ( a good 4 feet) I have to push my butt up to get on it... ;) I would not feel comfortable with my boy in it. Besides, he has his own room and his own bed (crib), which I am getting ready to purchase a "Cars" bed for him in a few months. Then I can lie with him and read our bedtime books.... I can't wait! Tired of sitting in the Lazy Boy rocker.... sigh...



ETA: My husband works nights, I love it! No kid is getting in my bed! LOL

Jodi - posted on 03/10/2012

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My 7 year old still crawls into bed with me if she is unwell or had a nasty dream. Co-sleeping on a regular basis? No, not with 3 of us in the bed. But if my husband isn't home, I have no problem with her sleeping in with me.

[deleted account]

My son rarely sleeps in our bed, we let him if he wants to but he has always wanted to be left alone to sleep, my daughter on the other hand is co sleeping with us, she's 9 months because she sleeps far better when snuggled up with me or her daddy. I don't think we'll still be doing it into advanced years, I actually want her to be sleeping in her cot at least for part of the night by a year old, but we'll see. I feel you have to do what is right for the child and the family, there's no right answer as long as everyone's happy with the set up.



Sally, I was given safe co sleeping guidelines when I had both my children and I'm in the uk so it's not a complete no no and isn't frowned upon either, as long as you're doing it safely.

Krista - posted on 03/10/2012

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@Julianne: Yeah, there'd be no way I'd be disassembling that sleigh bed. That thing weighs a frigging ton.

[deleted account]

honestly i don't have much problem with it, though i'd think it'd be a little cramped and just a bit detrimental to the parents' relationship, if you know what i mean.



but then again, i co-slept with my great grandma (she raised me and there wasn't another bedroom in the house and i still have major issues with that house) until i was 16 or so, and then i slept on the floor in the living room because she was sick. and then i moved out. but anyway...



i wouldn't do the extended co-sleeping thing with my kids. i don't know, it's just that i want them to have that feeling that they have their own room, their own little space to themselves, which is something i never had until i moved out and boarded at college. i won't mind them coming in if they have a bad dream but every night is a no. if they do have bad dreams every night it's time for some change in the way things are done so we can fix it.

Natalie - posted on 03/09/2012

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My daughter's 4. We're both girls and I don't have a man and don't see myself wanting a man in the foreseeable future. We'll sleep together until she doesn't want to anymore.

Becky - posted on 03/09/2012

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Oh, and I often go to bed later than my husband, so we often don't have sex in our bed. :) So that wouldn't really be an issue. Although, he likes it in the morning - which is when the kids are most likely to be in our bed... I don't. I"m not a morning person in any way!

Becky - posted on 03/09/2012

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I've coslept with all of mine as infants, but once they hit a year or so, they are in their own beds. By about 4 months, I have them starting out the night in their cribs, but they usually end up in my bed midway through the night because it's easier for me with breastfeeding. My older 2 boys will occassionally end up in our bed at night still, at 2 and 4, but it's fairly rare. They are crazy sleepers and they snore, which drives me crazy, so I often let them cuddle until they go back to sleep and then take them back to their own beds.

My husband doesn't like cosleeping, and I do like my space and quiet when I'm sleeping, so the whole family bed idea isn't really for us. Of course, if they're sick or scared, that is different. I used to crawl into my parents' bed sometimes when I was scared until I was at least 10 or 11. I have no problem if other families want to do it. As long as everyone likes it and is sleeping well, whatever works for them is fine by me!

Stifler's - posted on 03/09/2012

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We don't co sleep and we don't always have sex in our room lol just most of the time it's the most comfy place.

Sherri - posted on 03/09/2012

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@Lisa yes we never ever have sex anywhere other than our bed in our bedroom. So if we bedshared then my husband and I honestly would never have sex. LOL!!

Sherri - posted on 03/09/2012

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Well even though it is not for our family as our kids slept in their own rooms and beds from day 1, I don't have a problem with it for other families. Who cares how old they are if it works for them then so be it.

Minnie - posted on 03/09/2012

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Since we had them in bed with us from day one we all just got used to sleeping together and someone putzing around in the bedroom looking for clothes or something. It's just regular normality for us.

[deleted account]

Krista, I was too nervous gabby would fall out of the bed so we took the bed down and have a mattress on the floor now. I go in and lay down with her long enough for her to fall asleep then get back up until I'm ready for sleep. My room is safe, i made sure if she did wake up and got curious, nothing is around that she would get hurt on. She just yells to me when she wakes up though.

Stifler's - posted on 03/09/2012

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My kids if they have ever slept in our bed, wake up the second one of us wakes up nd goes to the toilet or damo goes to work Logan never goes back to sleep and wants to stand up and play and muck around. I can't stand it.

Krista - posted on 03/09/2012

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I would have been too nervous of Sam rolling over in his sleep and falling off the bed. But I'm glad it worked out well for you!

Minnie - posted on 03/09/2012

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I'm not sure where it was said that the kids couldn't sleep alone...might have missed it?



For me, I answered regarding families who enjoy togetherness. Bedsharing has also just been easiest for us- I couldn't function having to get up and nurse a baby then try to ease that baby back into a crib. Sleeping and nursing at the same time just worked best for me. We all just sleep best together.

Minnie - posted on 03/09/2012

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My kids do sleep just fine when I'm not there. From day one I nursed them to sleep in our bed. I never let them putz around in the bedroom alone after being awake. When they began crawling I taught them right away how to climb safely down from the bed. Our bed room was completely baby-proofed. Evelyn would get up from her naps by herself. Adelaide has always just zonked off for her naps wherever she might be, so she usually just took them on the couch.



So when the girls were babies I would nurse them to sleep and leave and keep the door shut if I wanted to stay up. We have a monitor. If they woke, I went back in and laid down with them and nursed them.

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