Father's Rights? What a Joke.

Lacye - posted on 08/19/2011 ( 57 moms have responded )

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On February 10 2009, John Wyatt rushed to the hospital when his girlfriend went into labor, excited to meet his new baby girl. The couple was 19, but he says he couldn't wait to be a dad.

When Wyatt arrived at the hospital, though, his girlfriend was already gone. "Colleen was being snuck out the side exit maybe like 50 feet to my left," he told the 'Today' show. The young mom gave the baby up for adoption without his consent.

Almost three years later, Wyatt is still fighting to get his daughter back. Her nursery is set up and ready for the baby he calls Emma to come home.

Right after the baby was born, Wyatt hired a lawyer in Virginia to seek custody of his daughter. What Wyatt didn't know, was that the baby was already in Utah, 2,000 miles away. And although a Judge in Virginia granted him temporary custody of his daughter, Wyatt says he never got her back.

Under Utah law, he only had 20 days to file for custody -- a deadline that expired before he even was aware that his daughter was in Salt Lake City. In July, Utah's supreme court ruled against Wyatt, saying he failed to exercise his parental rights.

The Utah Attorney General said, "In a situation where the birth mother who carried that child for nine months and has made a decision that is in the best interest of her child to go to an adoptive family, that we ought to have the same interest in the father, he ought to have to step up and show the same type of commitment to that child to resolve that."

And, although his daughter is almost three, he says he is never going to give up trying to gain custody. He does not think it is in the best interest of the child to stay with the only family she has ever known.


Wyatt doubts the integrity of the adoptive family. "They have done so many wrong things to steal this child, like from me. They've known that I wanted -- who the father was and that I wanted to raise my child from the beginning because Colleen told them from the beginning that I wanted to raise the baby," he told 'Today.'

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/19...

When are father's going to have the right to decide what happens to their child? It's not just the woman's child but the man's too and this child was out of the womb and the father had no say so in what was done with it. The girl is almost 3 years old now and he has not been able to see her at all. I feel so bad for this man.

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Becky - posted on 08/21/2011

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Well, do we know all the facts though? I mean, let me throw out another possibility here. Maybe this man was abusive and controlling to his girlfriend. Maybe she feared for the safety of her baby and for herself if she raised a child with him and that was her reason for going behind his back to pursue adoption. Okay, so that scenario seems a little more unlikely if they are now dating again, but on the other hand, it's very common for women to return to an abusive partner multiple times... Or maybe the adoptive parents have been told things that lead them to believe that the child would be in danger if they were to give her back. Any which way, these adoptive parents are in a horrible position. After all, this child is legally theirs now. So they are faced with the choice between keeping their child, who they have been there for through sleepless nights, illnesses, tantrums, etc, and facing the possibility that one day she finds out about her father and hates them for keeping her from them. Or, they could give up the person they love most in the world to someone they really know nothing about and may have even been told horrible things about. Not such an easy decision!!
I don't know the laws in Virginia, but I know that here, at least prior to our family law changing a few years ago, if the father was not married to the mother or living with her for 12 continuous months prior to the birth of the child, he was not considered a guardian and was not required to give consent to an adoption. So, this would, under those laws, be a legal adoption and not an abduction. It seems shitty for the fathers, but on the other hand, it also protects mothers, and children, in cases of abuse, rape, and incest.
I'm not trying to defend what was done, just saying, it's not necessarily so black and white, "they should give him his baby back" as some of you appear to believe it is.

Lady Heather - posted on 08/19/2011

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That is total crap. I'm sure the people who adopted the kid felt like their prayers had been answered when they got the baby, but dude - I could never keep a kid knowing that her real dad never agreed to give her up.

Sometimes I think the menfolk need a masculinist movement for this shit. I'm not so full of myself to think I'm more important to my kid and know better than her father is/does. I don't know where these mums get off with this kind of thinking and I don't know why the system seems to support it so much of the time.

Yvonne - posted on 01/21/2013

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People kill me! This man is literally "damned if he do, and damned it he don't" because he has been fighting to be a part of his child's life for 3 yrs he is inconsiderate of the best interest of the child. A man just can't get a break in the world when it comes to the inconsistency of their importance in reproductive rights. He didn't have a say in the child being carried to term, he obviously didn't have a say in the adoption, and now he can't even try to convince the world through all the heartache and troubles that he really loves and wants to be apart of his child's life. I don't know how to prepare my sons for this world...hopefully they marry an upstanding woman with the same morale's and beliefs until death does them part!

[deleted account]

@Jane- thanks for the info, I didnt realise that. What a shame. the whole story is just very sad for all involved

Jane - posted on 08/23/2011

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@Mandie - If the two were legally married, Utah would have voided the adoption because the father had not given permission. Under Utah law an unwed mother can place her child for adoption all on her own, but if she is married her husband would have had to agree. All this guy would have had to do is present his Virginia marriage license and voila! no adoption.

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Christy - posted on 01/30/2013

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Hi there,
This is so unfair, normally they try and keep the child with family members, is this not a human rights issue especially when you were not informed at the time what these people were doing. I would keep fighting, get on television, you have not been given your parental rights.

Tee - posted on 01/25/2013

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This is crazy. I saw this pice when it aired and I remember thinking if has done nothin wrong he has every right to a part of that child's life. He didn't sign away his rights they were ignored then stolen from him. Once she delivered the baby they both had equal rights to custody the only why it was decided otherwise is if she lied about the who the father was. The court system works for those it choses to work for. In this case it failed this young man and I for one applaude his actions and his fight.

Too many fathers walk away and don't care about the child when the mother maintains custody. This is a stand up young man. He has every right to be in his child's life.

Cecilia - posted on 01/21/2013

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ok, to the women who said he should just leave the child where it knows- really?seriously? so one day youth services takes your kid and puts it in a home. The courts take forever and its now 3 years later. You would just stop going to court? I wouldn't care if it's been 18 years i'd still be in court. Why should he stop?

I saw a story where this lady went through invetro fertilization to have her child. She was happy, it took years. Only to find out there was damage and she would never have another. She was fine with that. 6 months into the pregnancy the doctor realized they made a mistake. they gave her the eggs of another woman with the same last name. She gave birth to the baby and handed it over to the biological mother. She even knew she would never have a child. Not a thought crossed her mind in doing so. She was allowed to visit the child and become an aunt to it. 4 years down the line the true aunt to the child sergeant-ed a child for this women.

my point with the story is this, if you know that child belongs to someone else. Go ahead and hand it back. The father will appreciate it and probably allow them to be a part of the child's life. Karma is always watching.

I highly doubt they don't know what is going on at this point since most of America does. I understand they love her. I understand they might feel empty. I know i would. Do the right thing as a person, not just follow the laws that might be protecting your feelings at the moment.

George - posted on 01/06/2013

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I agree, where is the father suppose to sign off to begin with? It takes two to make a baby, why would any child be given away unless given the appropriate documentation to both parents. Possibly every baby born should be posted in the paper, with the date of birth and fathers then would be given a chance to claim their child within the first 90 days. Then if they don't, tough stuff. This is like baby theft. Social work has become baby theft rings in almost every part of the nation. It's like pop corn bouncing from home to home. Wow, a ton of really messed up adults in the future because of ignorance.

Evelyn - posted on 12/31/2012

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Its hard to set up boundries on child custody or adoption because each and every state has its own agenda and laws on these issues. It would help if they had at the beginning come up with laws that worked across the board. But unfortunate for the children, this has not happened. I think if he really wanted this baby he could have found out his rights and all that before the whole mess happened.

Jennifer - posted on 08/25/2011

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Janessa, I hope you are wrong. I don't know your situation, but I know a few people in my family don't recognize my adopted children as my own. Their loss, they are not allowed around any of my kids. What they do in their will is out of my control, though I would challenge it in court. I can also tell you that my adopted kids have said to me that I don't love them as much, but my bio kids tell me that the adopted two are favored! I grew up with only bio siblings, though, and if you ask any of my brothers or sister, they all insist that they were the least favorite!

[deleted account]

Thats heartbreaking.Very sad.That little girl will never know how much she was loved&wanted by her birth daddy.:-(Maybe one day she will.

Jane - posted on 08/25/2011

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@Janessa You said: "I am thankful for my adoptive parents but I do not think there love me as much as there bio kids to tell you the truth. When my adoptive grandparenst die I will get nothing because I have no family connections to there blood line."

I am truly sorry to hear this. As an adoptive mom I can tell you that I love my two kids just as much as if I had carried them under my heart. Instead, I carry them IN my heart. Both sets of grandparents love them as well, as much as they love my brother's biological children. A few folks in my husband's family are idiots who don't consider them "real" grandchildren, but we have cut them out of our lives. As my daughter's birth mother said, her body was just God's way of getting our children to us.

I hope you are wrong and find out that your adoptive parents love you as much as they would love a child of their body. We certainly love our kids, and they ARE our kids, no matter whether we made them or not.

Janessa - posted on 08/23/2011

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Wow this story is so sad :( I cannot believe a the birth mother would do this to her own child. The case should have gone to the highest court in united states. I think Fathers in general need to have a movement so they can have the same rights as a mother. Who cares if there are not married I am sick of a piece of paper telling people how to live there lives.Utah is a beautiful state but the people who run that state are like waren Jeffs kind of people morons :( a religion view point should not run a country or a state period.



Since I was adopted I can see this having a negative out come for the child because her adoptive parents might lie to her in trying to protect her. When she finds the truth she can live her life being happy and thankful or having negatives views on her adoptive parents for adopting her and not giving her back. I have seen in many cases of adoptive kids turning into negative situations like into drugs ect I am not saying all do but many do like my sister and others. I know some people say being related blood means nothing it does to majority of people around the world. Knowing your family history where there came from if it wasn't for your ancestors you wouldn't be here. I am thankful for my adoptive parents but I do not think there love me as much as there bio kids to tell you the truth. When my adoptive grandparenst die I will get nothing because I have no family connections to there blood line.

Becky - posted on 08/23/2011

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Marriage would make him a legal guardian of the child, and therefore, an adoption could not take place without his consent. Here anyways. Of course, I don't know the laws everywhere.

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Sherri- Ok, I was confused as some of the other US posters made it sound like marital status changed the situation somehow? Legally I mean. Anyway, I have to say I DO object to some of the other posts (that I can now read) that intimate that this somehow wouldnt have happened if the parents had been married- I'm sorry but I have seen people who are married do just as spiteful and questionable things as the mother in this case so I really think that's a moot point.

Julie - posted on 08/23/2011

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People talk about the trauma of being taken from her adoptive parents, but I have several friends who grew up not knowing one or both of their biological parents- and not being with their birth parents can harm them far more than being returned to a loving parent who wanted them.

This hasn't always been a father's issue. Here in Australia, for many years, babies of young unmarried women (including when the parents were in a stable loving relationship) were legally kidnapped and adopted out.

The government at the time decided stealing without consent babies from unwed mothers was what was best for the child. I'm talking like 40+ years ago. Not recently.

Everyone now admits that what they did back then was wrong. Even though it was very much legal, it was legalised kidnapping and very wrong.

This is no different except now it's the father the kid has been kidnapped from without consent.

It may not meet the legal definition of kidnapping, but the law should be changed so that it is!

Kidnapping is taking a child from their parent without consent. In child custody cases, it is acknowledged as abduction so why not in a case like this? If the child hadn't been adopted out and instead lived with the mother in another state, they'd have returned the baby to the father long ago.

If the adoptive parents had any decency, they'd at least agree to allow the father into the girl's life. Even if they don't give up custody (which they should do if he is fit), excluding him from his daughter's life is cruel and selfish and not fair on the child who has a right to have her real father in her life.

If he was an unfit parent, his story wouldn't be getting all this media attention. And being an unfit parent is the only reason a father shouldn't be allowed his child back.

Sherri - posted on 08/23/2011

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You also don't know what the adoptive parents were told about the bio father. Maybe they were told he was violent, mean, abusive etc. Maybe they truly think they are doing what is absolutely best for this little girl.

Amy - posted on 08/23/2011

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I saw a copy of the adoption application on Dateline ( it sounds like all I do is watch Dateline , humm) and she wrote his name and that he wanted the baby but she put a ? for his address. He is listed as the father on the birth certificate. They talked to several other fathers this has happened to and the Utah Attorney General.

I have a friend who just adopted. Who the father was was in question so they had to post notices in the paper and had a waiting period. If the father had been listed on the birth certificate or had come forward , he would have had to sign the adoption papers as well.

I understand that as an adopting family you just want to have your child, take them home and love them but... If enough time isn't given for everyone involved to make sure they are sure, you run the risk of just this happening. There is now a 3 year old little girl caught in he middle of a mess that could have been avoided if Utah law had just taken a breath before going forward or better yet, if the baby's mother had not run half way cross the country, to the state with the quickest adoptions, to give up her child.

Sherri - posted on 08/23/2011

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Mandie it doesn't matter in the US if the couple is married or not. She most likely got around it by stating she had no idea who the biological father was on the adoption papers.

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Dont even get me started on how bad things are for fathers. I could bore you for hours with crappy legal decisions my hubby has been subject to with respect to his elder kids. Anyhoo- on the curren topic, I feel like I cant comment intelligently without knowing all the facts and as CoM is 'glicthing' again and I can read the 2nd page of posts I think i have missed alot here. I would be reluctant to remove the child from the adoptive family after 3 years- she is old enough to have made asignificant bond with them; BUT it blows that this whole situation was legally allowed to happen. Can i say though that I disagree that mariatl status should affect a biological father's rights- married or not, if the child is carrying his DNA he would be legally responsible for child support If the mother had kept the child right? So how it is that that same DNA means nothing b/c the parents werent married?? I'm not from the US though and here in Australia defacto and same-sex parents have the same legal rights as hetero and/or married parents- as it should be.

Lacieann - posted on 08/22/2011

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I have to agree with Rebecca.

I wonder when there's going to be be a "Father's Rights" movement, so that decent men don't have to be afraid of a woman taking their baby away.

It's so sad that so many dad's have no power over what happens to their born and unborn children.

[deleted account]

The girl is going to be hurt if she is ordered to be returned to the father -- which in almost 100% of these cases, is what happens. The adoptive parents are only delaying the inevitable and increasing the potential psychological trauma to their "daughter."

Sherri - posted on 08/22/2011

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See I disagree this little girl will never be hurt in my opinion. She is most likely in an absolute loving and nurturing environment.

However, their should be consequences to the mother. However, I wonder if technically she actually broke any laws to be able to go after her and have any recourse.

Lissa - posted on 08/22/2011

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As I was the one who brought up the abduction thing I thought I would clarify. I think anyone who knew that there was a Father in the picture and ignored that is guilty of abduction. Anyone who found out the Father existed after the adoption had taken place is not guilty of abduction. Anyone who did not know did nothing wrong but are victims themselves. If the adoptive parents did not know about the father they did not abduct the baby but the baby was still abducted from the father by the mother.
Unless the father is proven to be an unfit parent the adoptive parent should be legally and morally obliged to give the father visitation.

Amy - posted on 08/22/2011

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I saw this on Dateline. They had been dating since high school and knew each other before that, as far back as elementary school.

From what I can tell, she was scared but had been telling him she was going to keep the baby and they talked about co-parenting or getting married or him raising the baby. They saw each each and talked almost every day during the pregnancy and he went to all the prenatal visits.

The big issue here is that a few days before the birth she wrote him a text that said she was talking to an adoption agency in Utah. That legally served as his notice that he had 20 days to file for custody (he actually filed for and won custody in VA where the baby was born).

There were so many mistakes made here and the Utah law needs to have a provision that states that the father has to be told the baby is putting up for adoption and how many days he has to file. Just saying Utah and adoption would mean nothing to someone in VA.
This poor little girls is hurt no matter what and this law is ridiculous.

Krista - posted on 08/22/2011

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I don't think you can accuse the adoptive parents of kidnapping. They did everything by the book, as far as I can see.

The biological mother, on the other hand? Taking the child out of state without the father's consent and giving the child up for adoption? Yeah, I'd consider that abduction.

If the shoe was one the other foot, and it had been the father who spirited the baby out of state and gave the baby up for adoption, and the biological mother had been fighting to get her back, we'd all be talking about that poor girl, and how horrible that her boyfriend stole her baby and gave it away, and how he should be strung up by his nuts.

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We had a situation like this in Michigan years and years ago. Guess what? The adoptive father ultimately prevailed and the child (also a girl) was returned back to the family when she was about 2 1/2. The whole case was a circus. The adoptive family should just give that baby back to her father.

Julie - posted on 08/22/2011

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No child should be allowed to be given up for adoption without both parent's consent. The only exceptions should be when 1. the mother genuinely doesn't know who the father is (in cases where she knows several possibilities, they should all be notified and given the chance to come in for testing), and if it's later found out that she knew and did not tell the father, he should be given immediate access to the child. and 2. in cases where the father is unfit as a parent.

Lacieann - posted on 08/22/2011

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I'm speaking from a moral standpoint here. Not a legal one. If I adopted a baby and I found out that the baby's father was going through this much trouble to find his baby girl I wouldn't be able to keep her. I would feel like a thief. I would be keeping this child from a biological parent who had no say in her adoption, she was snuck away from him before he could even meet her. I wouldn't be able to raise a child knowing that.

So far there is no moral reason why this man shouldn't have his daughter back except that it's been three.

All I know is that if it was the father who gave the girl away, and the mother wanted her back, it wouldn't take three years to get her back. That's sad.

Sherri - posted on 08/22/2011

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@Lacieann - If it can be proven that the adoptive parents knew about the father wanting his baby back then they are guilty of kidnapping in my book. The mother is definitely guilty of kidnapping.


The adoption was finalized no judge told them they had to give that baby back, the adoption agency didn't intervene. So NO it is not considered kidnapping it is called a legal adoption. Just because a parent wants a child back does NOT obligate the adoptive parents to do so, especially if it had been finalized.

Tanya - posted on 08/22/2011

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Yes, but if that was the case, you'd think that the biomom would have come forward with that info by now. If he was abusive, and she had the courage to hide his child from him and place her for adoption, surely telling somebody about her fears wouldn't be that much of a stretch, in order to protect her child.

Lacieann - posted on 08/21/2011

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I can't believe that he would date her again. That's crazy...



I still hope he gets Emma back. I can't imagine waiting to meet my baby for the first time only to find out that she's been given to strangers.

Lacye - posted on 08/21/2011

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Lacieann, from what I understand from a video I saw on Hulu.com, the bio dad and the bio mom broke up after the baby was born because of this and they recently started dating again. The bio dad said that if he does get custody over the child, the bio mom won't because she did sign over her rights to the adoptive parents.

I feel bad for the adoptive parents, I really do, but this lawsuit has been going on for almost 3 years. It's obvious the bio dad wants his daughter. I understand they might have had a hard time adopting but when they see that the child's parent wants the little girl, why still keep the child away from it's father. The bio dad has a room set up for the little girl for when he gets custody, if he gets custody. My heart just goes out to him.

Lacieann - posted on 08/21/2011

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I agree with Lissa, I think that if this wasn't an "adoption" case then no one would question returning a kidnapped three year old to her birth parent.

The father referred to the mom as his girlfriend so I don't think they would remain a couple if he knew she was planning on giving her baby up for adoption. As for the legal red tape I think that most adoption agencies keep tabs on what babies go where so a court order to find out where Emma went would be able to be obtained.

As to Sherri, would you be able to look at your baby every day and know that you're keeping her from a biological parent that wants her? Would you be able to live that lie?

If it can be proven that the adoptive parents knew about the father wanting his baby back then they are guilty of kidnapping in my book. The mother is definitely guilty of kidnapping.

Sherri - posted on 08/21/2011

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I don't know personally if I had waited for a baby for many many years and finally got my child, if I could give that baby back. Right or wrong. I honestly can't say I would have given that baby back. They were in their legal limits and had done everything right, why should they be punished too. I see both sides.

Tanya - posted on 08/21/2011

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This has been going on for a long time, as I understand it...from what my coworker told me, the adoptive parents have known about this for a very long time, this didn't just pop up now. They should have done the right thing while she was still a baby.

Sherri - posted on 08/21/2011

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If he wasn't on the birth certificate and the birth mom went through the adoption behind the birth dads back that is sad. No doubt but that doesn't mean the adoptive parents have done anything wrong either.

It also doesn't make it right to now want to just rip that child away from the only parents and life she has ever known, and not give a damn. As far as she is concerned they are her parents.

Tanya - posted on 08/21/2011

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That is so, so sick. One of my coworkers told me about this yesterday, and it broke my heart, not only for the father, but for his daughter.


I'm adopted, and I would have disowned my parents if I ever found out they did something like that. As it is, I KNOW that my mom would have given me back if she had found out that either one of my natural parents wanted me back. It would have totally broken her heart, but she would have done it.


I grew up without a real dad, and now that I know my natural father, he's the Dad I always wanted. I know that he couldn't have raised me, but if I found out, like this girl likely will one day, that he COULD have, and wanted to, I would have been extremely angry that he was prevented from doing so.


At this point, there is no easy answer. If she was given back to her father, it would have to be very gradual, and she would probably have to be able to maintain some contact with her adoptive family for years to come. But, it SHOULD have been dealt with right away. That father and daughter should NEVER have been separated.

Lissa - posted on 08/21/2011

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I disagree taking a child from a parent without consent is abduction. If one parent were to remove a child from the country for instance without the consent of the other parent that is abduction. In this particular case one parent did not give consent for their child to be placed, that is legal abduction in my book. I think the comparison is very real, just talk to the many people who were forced in to adopting babies they had outside of marriage, they didn't want it but had no real choice, just like this father.

Also this man was granted temporary custody, again he had this baby taken from him without consent when he was legally the custodial parent.

[deleted account]

Sorry Lissa but there is absolutely no comparisson In Kidnapping and Adoption. Kidnapping is illegal.

Lissa - posted on 08/21/2011

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There are a lot of if buts and maybes in this story. If the man knew his girlfriend was planning to adopt why did he not go to a lawyer when he found out, did he know and understand his rights or lack of. If he really was around then he wasn't hard to find, those involved in the adoption should have found him.
As for it now having been three years, well it's not like he suddenly decided to rip this child away after all this time he has been fighting since day one. From the adoptive parents point of view even letting him have access would be terrifying for them, can you imagine your child finding out about this and having to tell them yeah when you were a baby we knew you had a Dad that wanted you but we kept you anyway. We don't know this situation maybe he is still fighting for his child to be with him because the adoptive parents are refusing to let him have any part in her life.
That said the adoptive parents need to be letting this man have a part in the childs life and the child should know what happened but she should not be taking permanently from the only home she has ever known.

If somebody kindnapped your baby then it was found three years later would you still insist that your child taken from you without your consent should stay with those people?

Sherri - posted on 08/20/2011

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I think he needs to be checked out too. He doesn't seem to even care about his daughter enough to realize that the only life and parents she has ever known is her life and he would willingly just yank her from that without even a second thought if he had the chance. Something is extremely disturbing about that.

Jane - posted on 08/20/2011

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Marriage isn't the only way, just the simplest and best known. He had up to nine months to get down to the courthouse and file an affidavit of paternity in Virginia, but he didn't do that either.



And any "parent" that insists after three years that a baby he has never even met needs to be removed from the only family she has known just because she is "his" is not a parent. The needs of the child are paramount.



Making a baby is serious business. The laws enacted that affect the baby and the parents were designed to help prevent babies from being passed around like footballs. Since we live in a nation of laws, it behooves us to learn about the ones that affect us. Those who say marriage is "just a piece of paper" are very short-sighted.

Lacieann - posted on 08/20/2011

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Jane - I still say that any man who is truly concerned about the future of a child to which he has given life should get his butt down to the nearest courthouse with the mother and get legally married. That is his protection under the law.

You say that he should get married as if It's something he doesn't need her consent for. What if he tried to marry her and she said no, should he not have any paternal rights because of it?

If this were the other way around and somehow the father gave the baby up for adoption with out the mother's consent you can bet that it wouldn't take three years to get the baby back.

I think that the birth mother should face some jail time and probation for facilitating, in my opinion, the kidnapping of this man's child.

Marriage shouldn't be the only way a father can have a say in what happens to his baby.

Jane - posted on 08/20/2011

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Just because he knows where she is doesn't mean that he and the adoptive parents have had any contact. If any sort of agency or attorney were involved with the placement, there may be impenetrable road blocks to actually contacting the adoptive family. In fact, some of these court cases go on as involving "Baby Girl Doe" and the adoptive family may never hear a word unless the adoption is reversed.

And none of us know what story the adoptive parents have been given. Just because the child's mother claims she told them doesn't mean she actually did. She doesn't seem to have been a paragon of honesty, whether coerced by her family or not.

In an ideal world all adoptions would be like our son's - he has always known he was adopted and has seen all the pictures of placement. He spends time with his birth family during the summers but lives with us the rest of the year. In my son's case, both parents signed the papers for giving up their parental rights, both parents met us before our son came to live with us, and at least his birth father has continued to be in full contact with us. Also, both birth parents agree the neither of them could have raised him, even though it has been almost 17 years since he was born.

I still say that any man who is truly concerned about the future of a child to which he has given life should get his butt down to the nearest courthouse with the mother and get legally married. That is his protection under the law.

Lacieann - posted on 08/20/2011

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To Jane: Since he knows where she is now it would stand to reason that the adoptive family knows about him.

What kind of trust issues would develop if she finds out at 18 that her biological father wanted her from day one, and that her adoptive family kept her from him?

I think it would be best if they worked together to have a transitional period where she went from living with her adoptive family to living with her father.

Lacieann - posted on 08/20/2011

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I think that is so sad. I would be heartbroken as the adoptive parent but ultimately it's not my baby.

I think it's terrible that so few people acknowledge the father in cases like adoption and abortion. If the woman can give away or abort her child without the father's knowledge or consent*, then we have no right to demand child support from an unwilling father.

My heart goes out to that young man and I hope he can get his baby girl back.


*this thought process excludes cases of rape and incest.

Lady Heather - posted on 08/20/2011

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Yeah, I agree with that. The kid needs to stay where she is for her own good. But I also think he should get to have some form of a relationship with her. I just can't imagine having a child out there in the world that I truly wanted but not being allowed to see him/her ever.

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I agree with Becky. Yes it sucks arse for the father but i think him still wanting custody 3 years later would do more harm then good but the idea of the family being open would be brilliant. I think he needs to start thinking more of his child then himself now.

Becky - posted on 08/19/2011

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Here in Alberta, as an adoption worker, when a mother wanted to place her child for adoption, we were required to try to obtain the consent of the father - if he was not married to or living with the mother and therefore not a legal guardian. If he was married to/living with her, then of course, she couldn't place her child for adoption without his consent. But, a mother can get around this by saying she doesn't know who he is. And if we couldn't locate him or he didn't respond, then as long as he wasn't a guardian, we could go ahead with the adoption. I'm not sure what would happen if a mother lied and said she didn't know who the father was and he found out about the adoption and contested it. I haven't heard of it happening here. But I suppose there is a good chance he would win, although he'd probably have to go through a parenting assessment or something to prove that he was a better or at least equal fit for the child as the adoptive home. And if the adoption had already been finalized, I doubt he'd have any recourse, other than to get access maybe.
Anyway, I do think that what happened to this man was very unfair and it was a pretty horrible thing for his girlfriend to do. I wouldn't blame the adoptive parents, because they may not actually be aware of what is going on, but I would place blame on the workers/lawyers who facillitated the adoption. Going behind his back when he was known and wanted to be involved was wrong.
At this point though, while I feel for him and I do think he was horribly wronged, I think he should drop his application for custody. I think it'd be pretty harmful for this little girl to be ripped from the only family she's ever known at the age of 3, or older. If he drops his custody application, maybe he'll be able to get some access to her and have an open adoption relationship with the family.

Jane - posted on 08/19/2011

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This is part of the joy of living in a federation of 50 independent states, instead of under one set of laws. But as I said, the best way to win in this type of situation is legal marriage. Marriage is recognized by all 50 independent fiefdoms we call states, and it gives full parental rights to the father as well as the mother.

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