Feeling judged for using formula

Cathy - posted on 01/15/2012

*****Mod Notice*****



Time to move on ladies (assuming you are ladies).



Locking this thread.

~Jennifer - posted on 01/14/2012

I have to expand on this....

"**I SUFFERED***

those are your first words.....*I* SUFFERED....



well, shit, honey....let me pat you on the back for your suffering.

I feel ya....I really do.

....anyway.....did the pat on the virtual back help your case?

no?

didn't think it would....and neither do you, or you wouldn't have to blast your perceived accomplishments in down home mothering to a group of strangers.

good on you for hanging a kid off your tit for as long as you did....but if you want a pat on the back....get longer arms.



Any well fed child, by any means, is lucky to be alive.

~Jennifer - posted on 01/14/2012

Suffered through the first few months of pain....not suffering as far as having to do something i didn't want to do.. The pain was horrendous....bleeding,engorgement,mastitis,thrush,cracked and grazed nipples..and 2 reflux babies who never stopped feeding,adding to the problems.

Being young the 1st time round,no support,no idea what to do or how to do it..etc etc









would you like the recommendation for canonization now, or would you prefer that we wait for your (untimely?) demise?

Kate CP - posted on 01/14/2012

*shakes head*



Women are fuckin' nuts.

Sapphire - posted on 01/14/2012

On a whole, most people don't have the balls to judge another mother to her face. But in the safety of hiding behind one's computer, hey, why not say what you really can't say in real life? Kel/Kelvin would never have the balls in real life to approach another mother in public, friend or stranger, and tell her what a piece of shit mother she is for using formula. It's much easier and lazier to sit behind the computer screen to do so. I doubt her claims of her *struggles* as a young new mom nursing and her posts have zero credibility. Yeah, I'm done too.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/14/2012

Kel "So, many of you right now are telling your personal stories and getting help and opinions from blokes !!! Blokes with "feelings"..lo"



I bet they formula feed.

Joy - posted on 01/14/2012

Kel, look, I posted waaaaay back and have been just watching ever since. I get that you are an enigma. I get that you feel strongly about breast feeding, yet don't consider yourself an advocate. I get that you say you aren't judgemental IF . However, one thing I don't think you understand is that on a forum like this, we DO strive to help one another. I've developed some real, true to life friendships on this site. These women here (you know who you are) have literally, in the most real sense of the word, SAVED my life. So I take offense to your attitude that you just feel how you feel and that your goal isn't to do anything more than vent. You have some choices in this world (the "real" and the "online" worlds). You can either just stomp through life, spewing your opinion all over everyone, leaving anger, distrust and hurt (yes, sometimes hurt) in your wake. OR you can realize that sometimes, real people really do come to sites like this for guidance. We don't strive to pad anyone's ego or to tell anyone what we think they want to hear. However, we DO try to offer support. I'm what I would consider a breast feeding advocate. I tried for two months and couldn't do it anymore because of my own personal level of pain threshold. Labor with no drugs was easier than breast feeding, for me. Even though I ended up making the switch to formula, I still knew in my heart of hearts that I'd done what I could and given my son the best start in life that I could offer him. That's ME. MY story. There are thousands of variations on it. And you will find them all on CoM's. People like me, we didn't come here looking for anything other than compassion, support, common ground, help. You have some good ideas, yet you lack the capacity to word those ideas in a way that does anything but alienate you. Kel, do you feel attacked? Singled out? Picked on? I'm sorry but, it's your own doing. Maybe, just maybe, if you took a split second to put yourself into another mother's shoes, and then read some of the things you've written, you'd see what I and the other girls are saying. You could probably be a POWER HOUSE of a breast feeding advocate (and I mean that as a most sincere compliment). But you won't earn any respect or gain anyone's trust or help any struggling mothers by being so judgemental. I wish you could just see that.

I've met many women on this site who I disagree with on many things.....but somehow we still are able to maintain respect for each other and to help one another to see each other's side of things. We may end up walking away still disagreeing, but with a new viewpoint, a new idea to mull over.

Just some food for thought for you. Hope you can take it for what it's worth and in the spirit that it is given. Someone said it best earlier....you'll get more flies with honey than you will with vinegar.

Liz - posted on 01/14/2012

Anna's a man, baby.

Jodi - posted on 01/14/2012

You scared her off.

Julianne - posted on 01/14/2012

Shes playing in pretend land with all those other fake people who are members of COM

Maree - posted on 01/14/2012

I just want to know where the bloody hell Anna is ???

Krista - posted on 01/14/2012

Yeah, who gives a damn, really. I don't give a sweet shit if the people on here are male, female, MTF transgendered, or aliens from the planet Zoltar. As long as they're helpful to the other people on here. And if they're not helpful, then they damn well better be entertaining.



Some are neither.



Oh, and Kel, I'm pretty fucking offended at your assumption that what you say here "is not projected onto people that are actually REAL people". I assure you that I am very real, as are most of the other women here in DM. And we DO have feelings. So your vicious rants against formula-feeding mothers are NOT falling upon disinterested ears.



And you probably say, "Why should you care about what I think? I'm just some random stranger on the internet?" Well, there are also random strangers out in the shopping mall, or in the park, or on the sidewalk, and I sure as fuck wouldn't like any of THEM telling me that I'm a lazy mother who doesn't know the meaning of sacrifice. In fact if they did, I'd probably alternate between wanting to run away crying, or wanting to punch them in the neck, depending on what time of the month it is.

Maree - posted on 01/14/2012

Mary do you feel SAD for other people who suffered through the first few months??? or is is just me you feel sad for ?

As we all know,some suffer,some don't some give up,some choose to never bf,some can't bf,some become depressed,some come out of it,some never do...which ones exactly do you feel sorry for,and which babies should have your pity???

Isobel - posted on 01/14/2012

sorry Sara...I didn't see that.

Sara - posted on 01/14/2012

Ok ladies...please stay on topic and cool it with the personal attacks or we'll have to lock the thread.



Sara B.

DM Mod

Maree - posted on 01/14/2012

Jodi i would have thought you would know that...however you did just claim that these are people with feelings instead of blokes having a good old laugh.

And maybe i AM a man....Kelvin...

Julianne - posted on 01/14/2012

Well if you are a man kel, dont worry about people getting advice off of you. I doubt with your attitude anyone would..

Mary - posted on 01/14/2012

Kel, I am truly sorry that you equate breastfeeding with suffering. That just makes me sad - both for you and your baby. I found it difficult, and even physically painful in those first few weeks, but never did I feel I was suffering. Unlike you, I was just too consumed in gratitude and wonder for both her, and my body's ability to provide nourishment to spend an inordinate amount of time dwelling on the very normal challenges of motherhood.

Jodi - posted on 01/14/2012

Do you REALLY think we don't already KNOW that?

Isobel - posted on 01/14/2012

ooooooooh...I'm on the edge of my seat now!

Maree - posted on 01/14/2012

and not saying they don't know their shit....men are awesome... just sayin they are not women like they claim to be and are laughing at people who think they are talking to ladies !!!

If they admitted to being male and claimed to know about "womens business"...then said ANYTHING that someone thought was even slightly wrong...they would be shot down in a ball of flames because apparently they don't have a clue so should shut up until such time as they argee with the majority !!

Jodi - posted on 01/14/2012

So you're a man Kel? Interesting :P.

Sure explains all those cracked nipples.

Maree - posted on 01/14/2012

yeah if you like getting advice from liars...liars like me !!!

I can say what you want to hear,actually i will do just that in my next comment...may do it under my name or maybe another name !!!

Julianne - posted on 01/14/2012

Well if they know their shit, why wouldn't I take mothering advice from a man?

Jodi - posted on 01/14/2012

Some of my best friends are men :D

Jodi - posted on 01/14/2012

I know, right? As if we didn't know.....

Liz - posted on 01/14/2012

Well, these blokes have been more helpful than you.

Isobel - posted on 01/14/2012

oh no!!!!! not men!!! shrieks and pulls her towel up

Jodi - posted on 01/14/2012

Don't let the door hit you in the arse.

Maree - posted on 01/14/2012

I'm done too...and just so YOU know,actually they are not real...I'm not the real me on here and i know of people on here who not only have fake names but are actually MEN !!!

So, many of you right now are telling your personal stories and getting help and opinions from blokes !!! Blokes with "feelings"..lol

Isobel - posted on 01/14/2012

awwwwww she likes her stupid selfish friends...how cute

Julianne - posted on 01/14/2012

If women didn't have the option formula feed, a lot more babies wouldn't make it to their first birthday. For those women who have bad milk or don't produce enough if any at all. Do you expect them to continue and risk their childs death??

While I am a huge supporter of breastfeeding, I fed my daughter for 23 months and plan on feeding this baby for his natural duration as well. I hate formula and I think the ingredients should be re-evaluated and made to be more like breast milk. I will not judge other women on their choice to use formula. Sometimes its a life or death decision. Sometimes Its simply because formula would make for a more emotionally sound mom, regardless of the reason, its needed. If moms unhappy, the whole family suffers, including the baby. If formula makes the mom happy, then that is the best interest of the child.

Maree - posted on 01/14/2012

I don't call myself an advocate because it is most probably a putdown to real advocates.



I don't want to get women to breast feed....it isn't going to make a difference to my childrens lives anyway. I simply want to vent. Delete my posts,don't read them...i really don't care one way or the other. I judge harshly...YES,absolutely. I don't keep my thoughts to myself and gently try to steer people in the right direction...same as comments i've had on my posts...No one cared that i was struggling or suffering with things completely different to this topic....and they were BEFORE anyone knew me as bf nazi !!!!!



If you don't think i really struggled bf-ing and am so incredibly proud of myself then whatever...it doesn't matter cause i don't believe even half of the crap i read on here so why would domeone else believe me.???



People who know me well,know what went on....I know what went on...and thats all that matters to me.

My childhood could have been better...so what?? Whats that got to do with the price of fish???

If anything it didn't make me angry and judgmental but once again,proud of myself.



Go on...why not JUDGE every word i have just written so that you can be EXACTLY like me and exactly like others i've come across on here....A JUDGMENTAL KNOW IT ALL !!!!



Is it punishment for me being bitchy???? If yes then just know that i am like this because of what i have copped from others,i didn't start it.....I'm over people,they shit me.

Jodi - posted on 01/14/2012

Wow, what a great friend.....you have all these people who think they know you, and if you were actually truthful with them, they would be horrified.



Kel, I think you will find that a lot of people are pro breastfeeding. I know a LOT of people here are. But most would NEVER presume to judge another woman for her choice with her child in her individual circumstances, either in RL or on here. Not even in their heads with feelings they keep to themselves.



People here are real people too. Just so you know. They are not computer robots.



Anyway, I'm done. You disgust me.

Sapphire - posted on 01/14/2012

Wow- so you enjoy publicly breating and bullying formula feeding moms to work off your frustration. But you wouldn't do that in real life. That's pretty shitty. If you have all this pent-up anger, I'd take some classes or seek help. Jesus, woman, what will be your purpose and function in life once your last baby has weaned?!

Sapphire - posted on 01/14/2012

Well hands down, Kel is by far a more superior mother than I am! I'll bow down to the goddess of the almighty breast.

Maree - posted on 01/14/2012

not necessarily....lots and lots of people hide their true feelings so as not to hurt another person.It doesn't make them fake unless it's a constant thing and about more than one topic. This is pretty much the only thing that gets me worked up. I don't feel it necessary to tell people what i really feel but if they ask me i would say what i think but not to the extent i do on here.

And no my husband doesn't have to breast feed but he does many other things....and does as much as he can to be supportive of me.

I have a group of friends who i see every week...not a single one breast feeds and they feel that i am very supportive of them and what they do. I don't agree with their decisions however i really like them in other ways so i choose to keep my thoughts private. On CoM it is very different and a way to get frustrations out so as it is not projected onto people that are actually REAL people....not a fake name and most probably a fake personality.

Jodi - posted on 01/14/2012

Her end goal is to feel that she is a better mother. Her end goal is entirely a selfish one - to hurt others. Because I can't see any end goal here of HELPING someone to embrace breastfeeding or educating new mothers.

Sapphire - posted on 01/14/2012

So Kel, you publicly admit you are a judgemental bitch based on your breastfeeding position. Or, are you just a pot-stiring troll? And I doubt she truly honestly *suffered*. She just wants to jump on the bandwagon, that's all.



Did you have a crappy childhood or something that you seem to think it's perfectly A-OK to bully and berate others? Is this a trait you are passing down to your children? I'm saddened that your children need to witness such negative behavior from their mother, who is supposed to be their role model.



And for the love of God, please tell me why it's acceptable to judge another mother, simply because she feeds her child differently?

Kate CP - posted on 01/14/2012

Yes, you become a raging lunatic. Your posts make NO sense. You want people to breast feed because it's best for the baby, and yet you say you're not an advocate.



You say you don't judge mothers when, obviously, you do.



What, exactly, are your goals when you tell women that they are being selfish for bottle feeding? If your end goal is to try and convert people to breast feeding you are going about it REALLY wrong. If your end goal is just to alienate people and piss off moms and possibly make already emotionally fragile women cry, then keep it up. Yer doin' great.

Jodi - posted on 01/14/2012

So obviously you have no friends in RL. Because if they are true friends, you'd be able to be honest about your feelings....right?

Jodi - posted on 01/14/2012

Your husband likes you because he's not expected to breastfeed, so you don't need to be nasty to him.

Jodi - posted on 01/14/2012

Yes Laura, a true boob nazi. No-one (not even breastfeeding mothers) likes boob nazis.

Maree - posted on 01/14/2012

not sure if it's on this thread or not but someone said they doubt this is the real me....damn right..of course this is not the real me. I feel this way but there is only 1 person in my life who knows my true feelings...that is my husband.

Oh,and strangers on here !!!!



And also,some of the reason i am like this on here is due to the resentment i feel for being judged very harshly on some of my posts. people want to judge me...thats fine,after all i did ask for opinions...however i feel that people are very happy to go on and on about things that i feel they know nothing about but feel its still their place to tell me where i have apparently "gone wrong"...all i'm doing is giving a little bit back !!!! Sharing the love !

Maree - posted on 01/14/2012

Suffered through the first few months of pain....not suffering as far as having to do something i didn't want to do.. The pain was horrendous....bleeding,engorgement,mastitis,thrush,cracked and grazed nipples..and 2 reflux babies who never stopped feeding,adding to the problems.

Being young the 1st time round,no support,no idea what to do or how to do it..etc etc

Isobel - posted on 01/14/2012

ahhh...the elusive boob nazi ;)

Jodi - posted on 01/14/2012

So, Kel, why do you see breastfeeding as something you *suffered* through then?

Maree - posted on 01/14/2012

Kate...yeah pretty much,a judgmental bitch as far as breast feeding goes.

I certainly do not fit into the catergory of "advocate" because i don't simply think it is best and publically support or recommend it...as we know, i go a lot further than that.

Celeste - posted on 01/14/2012

"However, it helps NO ONE to judge a mother for formula feeding. And it really makes all breastfeeding mothers look horrible for doing so. It's no wonder people think we're crazy."



This is how I feel. I don't judge. We have no idea what that mom went through. She is doing what she feels is best for her children.



I'm sorry that formula fed moms are being judged. But please know that not every breastfeeding advocate judges you. I think part of being a Lactivist is being empathetic towards moms that breastfeeding didn't work out. I want to help breastfeeding moms who want to nurse but I won't berate or belittle those that it didn't work out.

Kate CP - posted on 01/14/2012

"never said i was a breast feeding advocate"



...So...you're just an asshole?