Feeling judged for using formula

Janice - posted on 01/09/2012

I'm a breastfeeding mom but I cant stand when people say you don't bond as much if you bottle feed or have a c-section! I do think breastfeeding can be one form or way of bonding that can only occur if you do it but it certainly doesn't mean you cant bond with your baby.



I just had a vbac and I can honestly say I do not feel more connected with my son because he came vaginally. My daughter was a planned c-section (breech) and I was breastfeeding her as soon as I was in recovery.



I can totally see how formula moms could feel judged here on COM. I have read some strong opinions. In the real world I have definitely felt like formula feeding is more accepted. I constantly felt I had to explain myself and my choice to breastfeed.

Katherine - posted on 01/09/2012

Like Kel I wanted to natural (Medication free) birth - ended up with a c-section due to his heart rate droping, not what I wanted but it was what was needed!! I was able to bond so well with him right after having him pulled out and cleaned off. I was holding and nursing him as I was wheeled to recovery.

I bonded really well with him while nursing and when I was forced to stop I still bonded with him while bottle feeding...however it was different....it wasn't the same closeness that we had before.......I miss that

Lady Heather - posted on 01/09/2012

I don't feel more bonded to this one because I breastfeed and I don't feel less so because I had a c-section this time. Maybe it all evened out. haha.

Maree - posted on 01/09/2012

I definately agree that bottle feeders bond as well as breast feeders......but it does depend on the situation as well. I don't feel personally that i would have bonded properly had i bottle fed. That is just my opinion on the matter,i breast feed and my daughter has not had a bottle at all. i feel that bf-ing is extremely important and i would have been completely shattered had i given up or if i had no choice but to.

I was very concerned about not bonding with my daughter properly because i had a c-section. I desperately wanted a natural birth like i had with my son but it wasn't to be. Turns out i bonded fine,i am still upset that i missed out on a natural birth but it does not consume me as it is over now so no point dwelling on it. I believe if i was bottle feeding,i would be upset every time i put a teet in my babies mouth,every time she got sick i would blame myself and be anxious.

I don't think i am a better mother than someone else because i breast feed,however i know i have done everything i possibly can to ensure she is in good health and has been given the best possible start in life. I hope she will grow up believing that being a mother is a sacrifice,that the very first choice we make after the birth of our child can make such a massive difference to their future health as well as their future attitudes. ..i can't help but feel i would be disappointed if my children did not try to breast feed or were not supportive of their partner breast feeding.

Lady Heather - posted on 01/09/2012

It's nice when a person can make a choice and feel confident about it. It is much harder to be confident when you were made to do something rather than choosing it. People told me time and again that I chose it but I don't feel like I did. There was never a single piece of me that wanted to use formula. I don't think formula is wrong. In my case it was necessary. But it wasn't what I wanted so I never felt good when the nurses asked me how I was feeding and I had to say formula. And I knew the lecture was coming and that made it all the worse.

A friend of mine right now has been half killing herself exclusively pumping because of extreme latching problems. This has been going on for 3.5 months. She went to see the public health nurse and got a lecture about how she wouldn't be able to properly bond with her baby via a bottle. What a fucking pile of shit. And that's a health "professional". I'm glad not every formula mum (or bottle mum) is on the receiving end of this nonsense.

Debb - posted on 01/09/2012

Well, I had a bottle-fed baby. I never felt judged though, perhaps because when asked, I answered very matter-of-factly. There is a way to answer a question that makes it clear to your audience that you aren't seeking feedback. I've heard some women answer hesitantly and it seems to have an undertone as if they're seeking permission or approval from their audience. I am not that way. I could have honestly cared less what anyone else's opinion was, but, I wasn't ashamed of my choice, so I was happy to answer the question. Though, I've spoken to a lot of my friends about this, the ones that bottle fed seemed to feel as though there was something 'wrong' with it and I never felt that way. I explored all of my options and chose bottle feeding. Case closed.

Lady Heather - posted on 01/09/2012

Well the main thing is not giving dirty looks. Got a lot of those, particularly from this bunch of mums at the library baby group. I've also had women decide they need to lecture me on how to breastfeed because obviously I didn't know what I was doing. There's an assumption that I didn't try when in fact I tried way harder than I did this time being a successful breastfeeder.

I honestly didn't mind talking about if the question about what happened came from a non-accusatory source. That didn't happen much though. It usually came from someone who wanted to show off how awesome they were at feeding. And the worst judgment came from the medical community other than my midwife. Friends and family were fine. It was strangers and nurses that gave me grief.

I think if you really want to know you can simply ask if they had problems feeding. And then don't say "Oh yeah, I had problems too, but I worked through them" like you are so much stronger and better than the mum you asked. It was more the follow up to the question that hurt. But really, I don't understand why people want to know. I don't really give a shit about how other people feed their kids. I never really understood why so many random people were interested. I figure the only reason they wanted to ask was so they could pity me and/or make me feel bad/make themselves feel awesome.

Ashley=) - posted on 01/09/2012

The lady i spoke to felt awful but i asked her why.She told me she felt it because others made her feel guilty for it.That to me is wrong.I did not allow anyone to make me feel guilty because i did not feel bad for my choice.Women can be cruel at times especially towards this issue.
*Just to add the lady was already talking about breast feeding before i asked her anything*i would not of asked otherwise as it would not of been my business.

Elfrieda - posted on 01/08/2012

I don't think there is any way moms can "shoot the breeze" about feeding their babies except in the most general, unjudgemental terms. ex. "He is a hungry baby, way hungrier than my first" or getting very personal by sharing their personal struggles.



Like Rebecca said, it's just too personal. Most of the judgement I felt was in my own head, but it was very bad. I couldn't produce enough (and here we go with the "helpful" comments about my being mistaken and if only I had tried x,y, or z) but I didn't believe it was possible to run out of milk, so I continued trying to make more milk by taking the drugs, home remedies, etc. Well, between 3 and 4 months my son only gained an ounce or two, and finally the dr (who had been trying to help boost my milk) just told me straight out, "he's scrawny" and finally I was able to see it, even though I had rejected gentler comments along those lines from my mom, from other experienced moms, etc. Well, talk about guilt, let's talk about starving your own child.



After that I supplemented with formula and BF together, and felt very guilty both for not feeding him formula sooner because he did very well on it, and for feeding him formula at all because "formula is poison". I was a mess. A comment of ANY kind would hurt my feelings. Because I was a failure. You know?



Finally at 8 months old I stopped force-feeding my son the boob (milk comes out of the bottle faster, he wanted that instead but I knew it wasn't as good for him), and our lives got a lot better.



It took me a while to get over it, and actually it was only after he didn't get a bottle anymore that I could look on it with any kind of perspective. NOW I can chat rationally about it, but it's kind of boring when it's not immediately relevant. These days, I don't really care what I fed him way back when. He's smart and cute and turning out real well, so it must have done more good than harm! :)

Katherine - posted on 01/08/2012

I think it was the circumstances - my hubby's grandmothers funeral (the 2nd furneral for a great grandmother in my sons short 6 months at the time), the fact that I was forced to stop nursing (thank you Mirena IUD) and the fact that I worked so hard to nurse and overcome so many obsitcles....

Men what do they know to be honest?? But It was shocking.....No other women that I've seen has ever said anything to me.....so I was most def floored

Maree - posted on 01/08/2012

Katherine, i would dismiss anything a man says...especially an old bloke,he wouldn't have a clue anyway.

Maree - posted on 01/08/2012

Actually i said on occasion i have a little chuckle to myself when i hear about women whose milk never came in....a chuckle to myself or my husband,or on here to "virtual people",not to family ,friends or the general public.
If you hear something over and over again it becomes slightly ridiculous...there is a post someone wrote recently about how she gets the shits when people claim that their kids are "well adjusted"...that annoys me too,she hears it all the time and it becomes so bloody annoying that you either have to laugh or punch someone...personally i'd rather laugh!!!

You don't have to like me or my opinions but there is certainly no reason to be upset by it...

Katherine - posted on 01/08/2012

Heres a comment I recied while while trying to get my son his formula bottle at my son's great grand mothers funeral - If you were breast feeding that would never have happened - All because the bottle was tipped and leaked some....and the comment was from a MAN!!!! A man in his 70's

I was floored and started crying after stating that If I could still bf I would be, It wasn't MY idea to stop when I did but Things happen....

Krista - posted on 01/08/2012

I never received any judgment about FFing from family, friends or acquaintances. In fact, they were all probably relieved when I did, because prior to that, I'd been driving myself insane trying to BF.

The only judgment I've gotten has been online -- in COM.

What do people say that irks me? Things like, "You didn't try hard enough." "Formula is chemical crap." "Any mother who wants to do what's best for her baby will breastfeed", and other sweeping statements like that.

We all know breast is best. It's the nature-designed way to feed a baby. But a BFing mom can state why BFing is right for her, without having to demonize formula or formula-feeding moms.

Jodi - posted on 01/08/2012

"Twenty years from now, when my child is an adult, how I fed her the first year of her life will be such a tiny part of all the things I did as a mother - so any feelings of superiority associated with bfing are, imo, misplaced."

Mary said it perfectly right here.

Mary - posted on 01/08/2012

"Is there any way that moms on both sides can shoot the breeze so to speak about feeding their babies without either side feeling offended, or should this topic just be avoided? Or should it be reserved for close friends and relatives? And at what point does talking about my choices turn into judging you for yours?"

Actually, as a breastfeeding mom, I found this rather simple. First of all, I never expounded upon my reasons for choosing to nurse unless I was directly asked. Unless you are speaking to a pregnant woman who has no prior children, the chances are pretty high that she already knows the basics with regards to nutritional comparisons of breast vs bottle. I also am very clear about not making any generalizations. I speak only about myself, my child, and our individual experience. I might talk about how I loved something about it - the convenience of not having to do more than roll over at night to nurse her, or the snuggly closeness of it, or the fact that I could eat like horse and still lose weight. I am also honest about some of the hardships that I experienced.

I am willing to listen to another mother share her own feeding stories, and I do not contradict her when she is talking about her perceptions of her experience, nor do I offer unsolicited insight or advice into why any attempts to nurse went awry. I commiserate on any shared experiences that we had.

In short, I'm pretty confident that I never come across as condescending or judgmental because I'm not. I truly do not believe that I am a "better" mother than anyone just because of how I fed my baby - and it is only a deluded fool who thinks this way. Twenty years from now, when my child is an adult, how I fed her the first year of her life will be such a tiny part of all the things I did as a mother - so any feelings of superiority associated with bfing are, imo, misplaced.

Ashley=) - posted on 01/08/2012

I did a first aid course a few weeks back.I look very young for my age.There was a mom who just had a baby, he was 5weeks old.She had to leave at lunch to express and give the feed to her husband for baby.I was asking her how things were going.She said hes doing really well.A very Hungary baby and i asked if she was exclusively b/f or supplementing.She was so shocked.Shes in her mid 30's and i look 18-19 at most.She said she is supplementing and she never knew she could even do that lol.She asked if i have kids and i told her yes two.I b/f the second for a short while.She said i was very well up on it.She felt even though she uses formula now and again.B/feeding moms who don't think shes crazy(whats the point in that sort of thing).I think your judged either way in my opinion.Which is very sad.She told me i was very open and honest about b/f and she felt wonderful after our conversation, not put down or judged.

As for me judge all you like my dears, nothing gets me down.I stand by all my decisions i have made for my kids.That confidence can't be bought or sold.:-)

Rebecca - posted on 01/08/2012

Like Jennifer and Emma, I have been on the receiving end of many, many disapproving comments when I was feeding my first set of twins breast milk that was expressed in a bottle. Normally along the lines of, "just cause you have twins doesn't mean you can't breastfeed" or “it’s so sad you aren’t giving them BM because they must have been preemies and probably really needed it”. My typical response was something along the lines of, "this is breast milk you F#@% wad so shut the F@!* up". OK, maybe not exactly those words, but the sentiment was the same. I also received endless criticism at work from the EBF moms who knew I wanted to quit BF and acted like I was making the babies eat lead and mercury filings if I gave them formula. Trust me -- there are many, many obnoxious BF moms out there who feel they are superior to moms who are formula feeding and don't think twice about making negative comments about it. Fortunately, I'm a lawyer and quite gifted with making quick come-backs to put people in their place.
I will say, however, that I don't think this issue is limited to BF vs. formula feeding. I think once you are a parent, the world seems to feel they have a right to criticize EVERYTHING you do as a parent. For example, I both sets of twins to the hospital last month (so I had two 3 YOs and two 7 month olds with me). My daughter, Geneva, was poopy and needed a diaper change. We went into the restroom and I surveyed the layout. The changing table was four feet off the ground (she's a major roller and it's hard to keep her on the table), I could barely fit the double stroller in, and couldn't fit the older boys into the stall with the double stroller in there. I decided to change her diaper out in the hallway in a small vestibule above the stairway. In the less than five minutes it took to change Geneva's diaper, I had four different people stop me to ask why I wasn't changing her diaper in the bathroom and to tell me I really should be changing her diaper in there. The whole time, Geneva was rolling and twisting and kicking, which I pointed out. One person even suggested that I was violating Geneva's "privacy" by changing her diaper in public. Seriously? I'm pretty sure Geneva doesn't even know she has a vagina, let alone know what a vagina is or care that someone else sees her labia at this age. Give me a break. Or maybe she was worried that some pedophile was checking out her baby bits? I have no idea either way. Anyway, I changed my daughter out there because I felt that was the safest place for all my kids (she couldn't fall onto a marble floor, the boys couldn't leave the bathroom or be playing with something I didn't want they touching while I was looking, I didn’t have to leave my other baby unattended in the hallway while I changed his sister, etc.). Basically, I had good reasons for doing what I was doing. Yet all sorts of perfect strangers just had to chime in and try to tell me to do something else.

I think the comments about formula or BF are different because it's much more personal.

Sapphire - posted on 01/08/2012

The only time I ever felt shamed for supplementing with formula was at a nursing moms groups. All these women did was bash formula to no end. New mom with a tiny infant-post partum depression, I didn't think to speak out. I cried for hours on end after that group session. I struggled immensely with nursing and my son thrived on formula. It took me years to realize that I did provide some breastmilk. Some is better than none. But I hated almost every moment of breastfeeding/pumping. It took the degrading comments from extreme pro-BFers to make me understand that NO ONE has the right to make anyone feel guilty or ashamed in their parenting choice. Extreme pro-BFing moms are not superior or a better mother because you (you, in general) were more successful than others in providing breast milk in abundant supply. The biggest problem I have with extreme pro-BFers is their inability to accept another mother's parenting choice in chosing formula over breast milk. It really shouldn't matter to you, (again, you in general) how a mother feeds her baby, as long as the baby is being fed. Every now and then we come across a downright bitch on CoM who blasts her righteousness to the almighty breast. Really? This is how formula feeders should be made to feel-like 2nd class moms? But that's few and far in between. For the most part, I've come across fabulous pro-BFing moms who are generally kind and supportive, educated, and happy to pass along their wisdom.

Tracey - posted on 01/08/2012

Have never felt judged but there do seem to be many media reports regarding the benefits of breastfeeding. The media is constantly reporting abot the potential disasters of everything baby related whether its milk, when & how to wean, what type of food, clothes, bedding, toys, social experiences, too much or too little of whatever, surprised anyone manages to raise a healthy child if they believe everything they read.

Denikka - posted on 01/07/2012

I'm firmly on the breastfeeding bandwagon. I'll admit that. It just seems unnatural when a mother chooses* formula over breast milk.
*Now I say CHOOSES. I'm fully aware that there are situations where formula is needed. Whether that be a mother returning to work, medical problems, lack of milk or out of a pure *I can't do this anymore*.
It does bother me when I hear (usually from a young mother) *I don't want to breastfeed because it looks icky.* Or *I don't want my boobs to sag*. Or *my boyfriend doesn't want me to because he likes playing with my boobs*.
I hold the opinion that every mother should at least try to breastfeed. Give it a chance, if you can't, for whatever reason, so be it. But at least the effort was made.

That being said, even if I do judge a mother for formula feeding, it's because I know her, I know her reasons for it and I know what kind of mother she is. And formula feeding is at the bottom of the list of things that I disapprove of with that particular mother. I don't know what situations other mothers are going through. I don't know if they've tried and couldn't, or if they have medical issues, or are taking medication that could be dangerous for their baby. I do my absolute best to not judge anyone whose situation I don't know.

I also keep whatever judgements I have to myself. I don't shoot disapproving glances at people I see feeding their baby (okay, maybe just a little bit at the woman I saw who lifted her entire shirt to breastfeed her baby and left her boobs hanging out. That was kinda unneeded. Or when people give their very small babies (like 6mo) pop in their bottles or something. That's just..not very smart)
When asked, I'll state my opinion and why I hold to that school of thought. But for the most part, I keep it to myself.
It's not likely that me shoving things down someone else's throat is likely to change their mind. If I have a conversation with someone, and I can give them information that they didn't have before and that causes them to rethink a decision, that's fine. If not, they can still make a more informed choice. And I think that's more important than what choice you make, just as long as you have as much information as possible to make the best choice for you.

Jennifer - posted on 01/07/2012

I've been 'shamed' for breastfeeding and formula feeding. Also caught it for expressed milk in a bottle that was mistaken for formula! It was rare, but usually in person. My MIL hated me for expressing milk for my youngest, and tried to have my husband 'make' me stop. I have no idea why, she's just hateful. She never even had an infant, adopting my husband and his brother at 8 yrs old! LOL, I am not easy to shame, though, and can be quick with a comeback, so it has never really bugged me.

I did have a lady make a comment about my 18 month old daughter having a bottle. She was small, and looked about a year. She was actually drinking cow's milk, and I had just come into her life, I didn't have breastmilk-my youngest birthed child was 9! This lady walks by, looks at my chest, and says, 'well, if you can't produce enough milk, there's no hope for anyone! or are they fake?' I just sneered and said I produced milk nicely, more than enough. But in THIS babies case, I thought she'd had enough drug exposure from the pregnancy, so more from breast milk was not needed. She was half a block away before she realized the baby wasn't my bio kid!!

Jodi - posted on 01/07/2012

I have never felt inferior for choosing what I needed to do for my babies. I was always confident with my choices, both in breastfeeding and formula feeding (or feeding breastmilk in a bottle). BUT, I can't stand to see the judgement on either side, it angers me that women don't feel they CAN be confident in their choice.

Yes, I have met people in real life who are judgemental bitches (not towards me, as far as I'm aware, but others). I have met a lot on CoM too.

I don't think it is the fact that people say things like "breast is best", because we all know that if the circumstances are ideal, breastmilk is best for baby. But this is the real world, and it isn't always ideal. I think it is important for people to step back from the "breast is best" bandwagon, and realise that sometimes, breast is NOT best for THAT baby, or THAT family, or THAT mother.

I have even see someone here say she *laughs* at women who claim they have no milk. Yes, LAUGHS. It is this type of derogatory comment that will get people's backs up, and WILL put people on the defensive. And no mother SHOULD have to defend her choice to another mother because there is no baby being harmed.

Bernie - posted on 01/07/2012

I couldn't breastfeed so I expressed in to a bottle. A week after having my son (now 3 1/2) I was at my MIL's work. A client of her's -a school teacher- came up and told me I should be breastfeeding not giving a child a bottle.
Whoa what a way to make me feel! I couldn't breast feed due to medical issues. My son moved on to formula at 3 months.

Sherri - posted on 01/07/2012

I have never been made to feel inferior or badly for using formula in public or my real life. The only time I have ever been made to feel badly or inferior is on COM's.



I have also done both breastfed and formula fed all my kids.

Katherine - posted on 01/07/2012

I think it all depends on the situation, I know I have never met anyone who has been judgmental about bf'ing/ff'ing until I came onto CoM!!!

I like Tam have done both, I nursed my lo until he was 8 weeks old, and we struggled (he's my only child) from day one. I was put on dom, taken off dom by the LC, told I had trush, also by the LC, my son has a tight upper frenulum - made nursing harder, but we managed. I pumped, I used a nipple guard - I was determined to make it work as it was something I personally felt was healthier and better for me, my son and my family!!! However, once getting an IUD inserted I lost all fighting chance of nursing my 2 month old son who was in the 98th percentile for height and weight!!!! He nursed 24/7 for 3 days before I called it quits......It was tough, I still get emotional about it because it was what I WANTED to do!!!

I could care less about what others do, it's their family, their child, their life....however if they ask my opinion I will state that it is my opinion!!!

I haven't done the research like Tam, but I do find that alot of the EBF'ers on here show like they are higher/better then those who ff or only nurse for a bit (not all but some do).

Just like on here I've met some mothers who hold their ground when it comes to ff'ing their children.

To each their own, why should it be anyone elses business what famlies feed their children? As long as they are feeding them healthy good foods that is.


**This is also like to to circumsize, not to circumsize threads**

Tam - posted on 01/07/2012

I've done both, and with my immanent birth, I will do both again.

Personally, I have never encountered the judgmental attitude until becoming involved in online communities, like COM. I breastfed in public, but never made a big deal about it. I'm not particularly modest but I don't go out to make a statement either. I make sure I know what my local laws are regarding it, etc.

Yet I have also been on the other side of the equation. Breastfeeding for me became very painful with constant thrush, so I discontinued it at six weeks with both of my kids. Afterward, I had a much healthier relationship both with kids and husband and self, once I allowed myself to heal up. And never once did I feel any guilt about the decision.

I think that where a lot of the hostility comes from is a few points that keep getting brought up, over and over. I'll try to summarize without becoming too verbose:

1. The WHO and PAA. My main problem with people trying to convince me that I am wrong for my choices by bringing up these two organizations is that for one, the WHO oversees MANY countries, and a whole lot of those countries are not industrialized like the US, where I live. Meaning that in some places the water supplies can be suspect, as well as food supplies, there is less oversight on public health in regards to food and drink, poor reading skills among women can lead to failure to follow directions on formula preparation, if it is available in the first place. There are places the WHO oversees that don't have standards of immunizations. Breastfeeding DOES tend to be less costly, which is also a concern among families both within and without the US. In my own family situation, was have ready access to clean water, healthy foods, and my kids are vaccinated on a regular schedule. Formula is affordable to me, and it makes my life less hectic in the sense that I don't dread feeding my children due to physical agony. They are healthy and put on weight as they are supposed to.

As for the PAA, my thought is similar as to the WHO. I dislike blanket guidelines, so when I have a question or concern, I'll likely go with what my actual pediatrician recommends rather than what a large organization puts out on their website. My pediatrician can individualize his advice for me, rather than levying a onus that may or may not work.

Also, these two organizations are often misquoted on their breastfeeding stances. I looked it up just for the hell of it after an online discussion once, and you'd be surprised what they ACTUALLY say versus what people say they do.

2. "Breastfed babies are healthier, smarter, and less likely to be obese than formula fed babies."

I looked this up, too. There have been several studies on this. None of the studies actually reach a clear consensus on baby IQ, obesity, or even health. There are a lot of factors that are involved with each of these points, the least of which are genetics. For example, I was breastfed as an infant, while my husband was not. My husband had an IQ test done where he scored ridiculously high - around 170. He can do complex mathematics in his head, come up with answers to problems on the fly, and verbal sparring with this man is an exercise in sheer frustration. I count myself as pretty intelligent, but he outclasses me by miles. Add in the fact that he is skinny as a rail, having just his 160 lbs for the first time at age 27, and I have been on the heavier side of the line my entire life. Also, he never gets sick. Ever. And if he does, it only lasts a day or two whereas it lasts at least a week for me.

This pretty much proves to me that genetics and environment trump breastfeeding. Add into that the studies that I've found that support both sides without actually coming to a clear cut conclusion when taken all together... well, the argument doesn't seem to hold much water.

3. "Formula is poison."

Formula in its current incarnation, if I remember correctly, was created by the same guy who created Nestle. He did it on the urging of a friend whose baby could not breastfeed. The child was losing dangerous weight and was not thriving, and this was back in the 1800s where the postnatal care was not near as good. By creating a milk substitute, the child's life was saved, as were a lot of babies who might otherwise been at risk.

That doesn't sound like poison to me.

4. "You don't love your kids if you choose not to breastfeed. Why even have them?"

This is just an ignorant argument in my eyes, considering the points I have already brought up. I've run into a variant of this as a working mother - "You don't love your kids if you don't quit your job and stay home with them. Why let someone else raise your kids?"

It's just an inflammatory comment that is meant to inspire guilt, and in a conversation about breastfeeding/not breastfeeding, I feel it has no place. When a debate falls into the trap of personal attacks, then it is no longer a debate but a mudslinging arena.

5. "Breastfeeding is the best thing you could do for your child. Why wouldn't you just suffer the pain and do it anyway?"

We as parents endure a lot for our children. There is sleeplessness, discomfort, emotional distress, and the whole concept of your heart living outside of your body for the rest of your life, vulnerable to anyone who might want to do it harm. But at the same time, there comes a point where parental distress can have an ill effect on your children. And yes, it can be brought on by breastfeeding. When I was in such pain that tears rolled down my face whenever I fed my kids, my children also grew restless, making it hurt even more. They did not have a pleasant time of it, no matter how much I tried to keep it inside so it didnt affect them. But when we went to formula, not only was I not in constant pain, but my husband got the joy of feeding them too. And that's what a lot of people seem to forget - if the dad is in the picture, he's likely going to love to have the chance to feed his infant. I know my husband did. And sharing the burden with friends and family made everything more smooth and happy, in my experience.

But even with my arguments above, I think the most hurtful thing that I have seen when it comes to the breastfeed/formula debate is what afflicts a lot of conversations between people with deeply held opinions on controversial topics - the fact that people rarely change their minds, and when they have it in their heads that their way is the right way, it's hard for them to see the other side from another angle. And we all do it - I'm not exempting myself by any means. The mere fact that I replied thusly goes to show that I think I am right... but I am right for my experiences, my family, and our way of life. And when someone comes along and tries to tell me that I am wrong for not holding his or her same beliefs on the matter, well, that's when I get upset.

None of us will generally change our mind without the benefit of personal experience, unless we WANT someone to change our minds for us.