Jenny - posted on 09/19/2011 ( 31 moms have responded )
Here's the excerpt
"i am familiar with "aware parenting".......
so your not confused.....i can explain that aware parenting allows children the time they need to express their full range of emotions without repressing them. so if a child is upset, angry, scared (or whatever) and needs to cry as a way of releasing those emotions.....you as the parent support them through their crying with holding and reassurance.......as opposed to "turning off" your childs tears through distractions, toys, food, bottles, dummies and so on.
its common practice in western culture to "distract" a crying child......to talk them out of their tears.......for example, a toddler falls over and hurts himself and starts crying really hard and runs to Mummy and the mother picks him up and says......"oh look there's a plane flying up there (pointing to the sky)...." ......hoping to get the toddler to stop crying, or shoving a dummy in their mouth. (thus teaching the little boy/girl to repress their emotion, rather than express them). i have even seen a mother try to switch off her childs emotions by offering her daughter chocolate to "make her feel better". (if this is a pattern in a childs life, aware parenting believes they will need sweets to sooth their emotions as an adult).
an "aware parent" holds the child and allows the child the time they need to release their "hurt" as such......maybe saying something like....."oh, that really hurt didn't it....
you'll feel better soon"......and continues to hold the child until they are ready to move on. (a pretty simple example, but i'm sure you get the picture). this parenting style loves and supports them through their tears....showing the child they are totally accepted even when expressing negative emotions
aware parenting NEVER advocates to leave a baby/child to cry ALONE......
it is very sensitive to emotional needs and is based on the idea that "tears are healing" and once you have cried about a certain emotional hurt, you are then able to move on.
aware parenting also believes that children will with time learn to regulate their emotions and express them in healthy ways.....rather than turning to other things like food, entertainment, drugs, alcohol etc to "sooth" their emotions. "
What is your take on this? I personally can identify with this as my instinct is to just continually hold and reassure my child when they are hurt until they are feeling better and let go of their own will. But when this happens around my large (and opinionated lol) family they will always interrupt this moment by trying to distract him. Which also works. So I'm torn between the two techniques and would like to know what you all think about "Holding them while they cry it out" Vs "Distracting them to take their mind off it."