Going Back for Seconds (Having the Second Child)

Mel - posted on 04/26/2011

to those people who are worried or undecided, someone with a lot of kids told me a closer age gap is better for the kids growing up and that you will be very happy about that choice later, but at first it will be very hard. The bigger the age gap is the easier it is obviously but its nice to have the kids close in age to each other

Sarah - posted on 04/26/2011

@Krista - I'm scared shitless, too haha. ;) I go back & forth all the time about when to have a second one.

It's definitely helpful to hear everyone's thoughts & opinions about this. :)

Susanne - posted on 04/26/2011

Im on my fourth helping considering gong back for more I have never regretted any of them even though sometimes I do think what have i done when i look at the laundry pile

Mel - posted on 04/26/2011

I personally didnt have any regrets because we want at least 4 kids. I have those days to where I struggle and I have days where Im 100% on top of things, but every time I doubt my choices and what I want for the future that being more kids and when I want to have more kids, I just think once Im in the situation I cant go back and change it and I will have to manage, I will learn to manage whatever I choose. I choose to go for things even though I know its going to be hard. I like a challenge. I understsnd people stopping at one though. Being a parent is a very responsibility , very full on adn tiring, much harder then any normal day to day job

Kaleigh - posted on 04/26/2011

Yeah my son and this baby will be three years apart but I keep hearing from mom's with autistic kids that their kiddos are younger in a way...so it's more like having a newborn with a 1 1/2-2 year old and that part freaks me out a little. Either way though the good days will get us through the rough ones, thank you ladies I'm feeling more optimistic now...today lol.

Krista - posted on 04/26/2011

I love hearing this from you guys. We're trying for our second, and I'm scared shitless, wondering how we're going to handle two kids. The only thing that soothes me is the fact that even if I got pregnant today, there'd be 30 months between our kids, which isn't too bad, I think.

Kaleigh - posted on 04/26/2011

Well I have a month or two left before I find out for myself but my hunni and I also are back and forth on the matter. I think my biggest problem right now is trying to wrap my mind around having my son who was recently diagnosed ASD with a newborn in tow, appointments and therapy and all that while dragging a new baby out with us it's a scary image and makes me wonder if I didn't somehow jump the gun. Will I be leaving my son with less of me to care for a newborn when he needs more now than ever? Did I just sign up my daughter for a life of getting put second to her older siblings needs when she has her own? We made the choice to have our second before the diagnosis but I feel as though I should have known and should have waited, and perhaps if we had waited maybe the choice to have a second might not have happened.

My worry isn't about loving them both but more so that I've just taken my time and energy that needed to be doubled to accomodate a special needs child and then cut it in half to split between the two :( not fair to either of them and I'm concerned I might run myself into the ground trying to compensate.

I agree with a lot said here, though I don't neccessarily regret signing up for round two, just the prospect of doubling the work, exhaustion, and financial strain seems like a naive thing to do now.

And of course it always depends on the day, in the middle of a meltdown after a long day of appointments and we're having the bedtime tantrum yes we both look at eachother and think My God and we chose to double this? The mess, noise, while at the same time splitting our sleep and sanity in half? We're crazy! BUT on a good day when my son is snuggling with us or we're playing out front in the yard or I'm making an extra plate for my neice who is over for the weekend I know I at least think Yeah I could do this, everything will be okay :)

We soon shall see lol.

Fiona - posted on 04/26/2011

I also wish sometimes that there was a bigger age gap than 18 months between my boys, but our second (now 3 months) was such an unplanned surprise that I didn't get much say in that. When I first found out that I was pregnant again only 9 months after having our first, I will confess that I was disappointed and had regrets (and he wasn't even 'here' yet!) regarding 'upping the ante in the kid department" as you say.

I mourned the loss of my first son's early years as an only child, mourned that he would have to share us with another sibling so early. I mourned the loss of my return to work opportunities, the stress on my body and mind and relationship that having two under two would bring. I wondered how I would cope, how much harder it would be. I loved my first son so so so so so much, I questioned whether I would have enough love to spare for another child.

Then I pulled my socks up and got real about it. I shared my 'surprise' with some other people who reminded me that all children are blessings and that all babies just make your heart grow more to accommodate the extra love you will feel. Plus, I LOVE being pregnant, so it was lovely to be doing it again. Then I had my second son, I had an amazing birth that fulfilled me and empowered me. I saw my first son in a whole new light as a gentle, loving, caring and accepting big brother with no jealousy or fear or concern regarding the new little person sharing his life. Now that our two boys are 'here' and interacting, I wouldn't change a second of our journey. The closeness in age has so many benefits (and challenges!) and my friend was right, having another child just made my heart grow bigger!

April - posted on 04/26/2011

I love having two children, i don't regret it at all. My husband and i don't plan on having anymore children and i'm content with my two, the fact that i have a daughter and a son makes it all the more wonderful for us.

The only thing i wish i would have done was space them a little farther apart. My daughter is almost two and a half and my son is eight months but i'm glad they have each other.

Good luck with your decision :)

Sarah - posted on 04/26/2011

I'm definitely happy I had 2 kids, I love them both to death and wouldn't be without them.......however......

I do sometimes think, "Man this would easier with just one!"
Sometimes it's easier with just my eldest around, sometimes my youngest is the easier one.

I certainly don't regret having 2 though, the pros FAR outweigh the cons. :)

Charlie - posted on 04/25/2011

Sometimes I think it may have been better if they were spaced apart further rather than the 20 months between them but it wasnt a choice I was given reguardless of the pill I was on but I have never regretted it ......... You know how when you think of your child and you cannot imagine a greater love than what you feel ? X that by two ......The best thing that happened to me happened twice and I will never look back :D

Kate CP - posted on 04/25/2011

I regret having a 5 year old when she's a little shit...but I don't regret having two kids. ;)

Christina - posted on 04/25/2011

We have never regretted having a 2nd and a 3rd. Some thought I was crazy having my 3rd because my oldest was 14 and I had a 7 year old. She definitely makes our life interesting (she is a real character) but we could not imagine our life without our 3rd (and only girl). Like I mentioned to my Mom when she asked a similar question.... If I did not have my daughter I would always wonder about the 3rd child that I always wanted. My husband would have been happy with 1 or 2 but he loves his little girl and his 2 boys.

Teresa - posted on 04/25/2011

I didn't have a choice..... lol

Although I did go back for thirds. ;) I regret our circumstances, but never regret any of my kids.

I will admit that it is much more peaceful when only one... or even two... are around, but I couldn't imagine my life w/out my trio. I'm not good w/ pros and cons lists though.

Good Day! - posted on 04/25/2011

My second is 5 weeks old. No regrets...all LOVE! I do have to say though, my house has never been messier. It takes twice as long to get ready and leave the house. It takes twice as long to get through the grocery store. Wiping poop off my two year old's butt while I nurse the baby is interesting to say the least. But no regrets. But no more kids either!