grandparents

Stephanie - posted on 09/24/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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hello,
My father and Step mother are constantly wanting to have my oldest daughter at their house which they live 3 hours away. They have demanded that they want a 3 to 4 day visit with her every month. They do not care if me or my ex husband have plans with her. They said if we do not send her down to their house when they want they will take us to court. They want nothing to do with my youngest so that is not a problem. I am wondering if anyone knows what the grandparents rights are for Alberta Canada. I grew up only seeing my grandparents a few times a year. What is too much or too little for visitation with them? When my daughter goes down to their house my ex and i have to fight to get my daughter back on her routine and using manners. We have written out the routine and the basic house rules for her for them but they do not apply them to her when she is there. I feel like they are trying to over rule us as parents. They do not even appreciate that they do get to see her way more then the other grandparents who 1 lives on the other side of the country and the other 2 unfortunately have passed away

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Jenni - posted on 09/24/2010

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"Access may be awarded if it is shown to be in the child’s best interest. Only Quebec, Alberta and B.C. have access legislation that presumes contact with grandparents is in the child’s best interest. This places the responsibility with parents to show serious cause why access would not be in the child’s best interest. Other provinces place responsibility onto the grandparents to prove that denied access will actually harm a child"

Wow you're right Loureen, I never knew that.

Anyways, It says the may be granted "access" to the child. Which you are already giving them. I think this law is in place more for situations of divorce and one party denying to let the grandparents of the other side see the children. "Access" does not necessarily mean you have to send your child 3 hours away to stay at their house once a month for 3-4 days. I doubt ANY court would grant them even close to that. "Access" could mean that you're allowing them to come to your place. I think you have every right as a parent to allow them supervised access at your house. I can't see any court deciding that it's healthy for a young child to be sent 3 hours away once a month for 3-4 days. Especially considering you and your husband are divorced and she is already living in two seperate homes. I'm pretty sure if they did take you to court they wouldn't be granted access at their house 3 hours away when she is already living in two seperate homes. How is that healthy for a child to be passed around like that?

Like I said... if they want to see her that often: Your place and under your conditions. Don't let them bully you with threats of court. Something tells me the judge would never grant the kind of "access" they are expecting.

Charlie - posted on 09/26/2010

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Stephanie im so sorry for you and your little one , what a horrible way to treat your youngest , they should be ashamed of themselves .

Denikka - posted on 09/24/2010

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My grandparents took my mother to court to fight for custody of me when I was very little.
It dragged on for YEARS (2-3 years), my mother was proven over and over to not be in my best interest and my grandparents had a lawyer that made her first lawyer quit on the spot (lol) Even with all that, they got guardianship and weekends. And they lived less than 10 minutes away.

Access means that you are not preventing the grandparents from seeing the child. They have no legal right to X amount of visitation until and unless a court decides that they have that right (and usually that's only after proving that the parent is unfit for full custody).
What is too much or too little is completely dependent on what the PARENTS decide. Honestly, I wouldn't take her out there. If they want to see her, I would tell them that they could come visit her at your house. If she is having problems readjusting to your rules when she comes home, that's not good for any child. The key to anything is consistency and the grandparents are obviously not providing that. A bit of spoiling is ok, but this is sounding like it's detrimental to your child. I would put my foot down and say a firm "No" to over nights visits and just tell them that all visitations will be done at your house (maybe allow them to take her out for the day to the mall or whatever in your area) but no more going out to their house.

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Allowing a visit like that on occasion... I wouldn't normally have a problem w/, but the fact that they are dictating that you WILL send her and it WILL be once a month and it WILL be for so many days.. or they'll take you to court?! Yeah, um.... not a chance. Wanna see my kid? Come to ME and visit!

Good luck w/ them!!

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Stephanie - posted on 09/26/2010

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yes it is an awful way to treat her. it breaks my heart cause she is an innocent little girl. she did not ask to be brought into this world so why think less of her just cause they dont like the situation. i often think they are losing out but on the other hand she is losing out to because her bigger sister has visits and a relationship with them

Cat - posted on 09/26/2010

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Wow that's an awful way to treat your youngest child!!! That ALONE should be enough proof that its not in the child's best interests to conform to their demands... How are the grandparents going to explain in a court of law why it's okay for them to favor one child over another over something that is completely out of her control... Sure the grandparents have access rights, but you're not denying them access... I dont think they have a case at all to take you to court, although I'm no lawyer, but your best counter-arguement would simply be their twisted logic that has them prejudiced against your youngest... I'm sorry you have to go through that, they sound very hateful and demanding, I wouldnt want my kids exposed to that on a regular basis either!

Stephanie - posted on 09/26/2010

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Thank you so much for all the advice. to answer more on why they do not want anything to do with my youngest is because they do not like the situation on how she was conceived. they did not like her sperm donor which is the worst excuse from them ever. it should not matter how she was conceived they should just love her because she is their grandchild.

Charlie - posted on 09/24/2010

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Actually they do have legal rights in Canada to visitation rights "in no case may the father or mother, without grave reasons interfere with personal relations between the child and his grandparents"

Read more: Grandparents' Rights - Grandparent Visitation Rights In Canada - Child, Access, Sparks, Considered, Factors, and Parental http://family.jrank.org/pages/734/Grandp...

Personally i couldnt imagine my kids not having a close relationship with their grandparents they see them often but i dont know your personal relationship with the grandparents what would worry me is that they do not want t see your youngest , is there a reason ? i would find that quiet upsetting but no matter what your relationship whether it is strained or not it should never affect the children having a relationship with their grandparents .

I would consider letting them visit because if it does go to court they do have rights and thats a whole lot of added stress on the family including the kids .

Francine - posted on 09/24/2010

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I agree with Jennifer, It's frustrating I know. My mother does the same with my son. But she knows better now than to ever think twice to take me to court for anything : ) Stay strong!

Jenni - posted on 09/24/2010

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They have no rights to your child. 3-4 days a month is what a father is entitled to. Not grandparents. They have absolutely no grounds to take you to court. If you want them in your children's lives, I would set new conditions for them: They have to come see them at YOUR house.

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