Guy friends? - discussion

[deleted account] ( 12 moms have responded )

I don't know if this has been a topic on here before but I guess I can revive it for now if it has.



I guess it's sort of multiple questions, so please discuss them all fully.



1) Do you think it's wrong for a married woman to have male friends?



2) Do you think it's possible for men and women to be friends without the thought of sex with each other invading the relationship?



3) Do you have male friends? How do your relationships with male friends affect your relationships with others?



It's kind of a topic that's been bothering me lately. So please fire away.

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Johnny - posted on 10/11/2012

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1. No

2. Yes

3. Yes



My two closest male friends are gay. I used to have a close male friend who wasn't, but then he hit on me and ruined the friendship. He is married, I am married, and I had never expressed any interest at all in a romantic or sexual thing with him. Some men are just morons.



My other closest straight male friend is my college ex-boyfriend. We are both happy in our current relationships and the idea of us ever hooking up again so beyond laughable. His girlfriend seems paranoid about it, but my husband knows better. Him and I are perfect friends but were terrible at romance. By the time our relationship finally ended, we really were pretty much just friends. I wish she wasn't so paranoid, I really DON'T want her man at all. I like her, she makes him happy and they seem to be a great team.



My husband has a love-hate friendship with one of his exes. But it doesn't bother me. They have to work together regularly, and she would make his life hell if he didn't try to be nice to her. I've noticed lately he actually seeks to avoid her. He begged me to go out drinking with him and his friends one night because she was planning to come and he wanted me to run interference, lol. Of course what I really want to be doing at 8 months pregnant is hanging out with a bunch of drunk middle-aged men at a wings joint and an angry slightly psycho woman. He ended up faking sick and staying home.



His other female friends are two women in their late 50's who he has become friends with on the bus every morning. We now socialize with them and their families some times. It's kind of funny, but certainly nothing that would concern me.



I think people have very small, closed minds about what is "appropriate". It saddens me to hear that people think married women can't be friends with men, or have friends for that matter. Talk about a direct path to a lifetime of misery. I hope you resist that Jaime. I think you have a lot to offer your friends, male or female.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/10/2012

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my husband is the kind of guy that has better friendships with women, and I am the kind of women that has better friendship in men. We are both cool with that. We both go out on our own with the opposite sex and would never disrespect one another.

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[deleted account]

1) no i don't think it';s wrong as long as you didn't used to date the male friend, then it's kind of iffy.

2) yes but it is difficult b ecause usually one person is hoping it might turn into something more

3) yes but not many and i generally just make it a point not to hide it from my husband. i also make it a point not to spend tkime alone with them but only to spend time in a group or in public places.

[deleted account]

it actually surprises me that no one has said it's wrong yet O.o i expected a lot more to say it was bad for married women to have guy friends. i don't know anyone around where i live who is okay with it, and any time it's happened it ended badly. well, ended badly for someone at least. surprising.

Momma - posted on 10/12/2012

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1. No

2. Yes, it is possible for opposite genders to be friends.

3. No, not outside of work. Although, I do get along with guys better than women....



With that said, my husband and I are both the jealous type. Neither of us have opposite gender friends that we hang out with. I do have male friends at work but it is work, we do not talk outside of work.



~Meme

Toni - posted on 10/12/2012

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1. No it is not wrong for a married woman to have male friends.

2. Yes it is possible for men and women to be just friends.

3. Yes I do have male friends. To be perfectly honest, I prefer my male friends. The few female friends I do have I have very little in common with. Its all talking about how sexy so and so is, or how great this make up works, thats just not my thing. When I hang out with my male friends I can relax and be myself. Honestly I think most of my guy friends dont see me 'in that way' because Im too much of a guy on the inside.

I work on my own car, i rarely wear skirts or make up, hell just the other week I built my own shed, lol.

Peta - posted on 10/12/2012

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personally no i don't think its wrong for married women to have male friends. it is possible to be friends with the opposite sex without sex being any kind of issue, my best friend of 6 yrs is a straight male and we have never thought about each other like that. and also, my very protective insecure boyfriend has absolutely no problem with our friendship.

Michelle - posted on 10/12/2012

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1) I don't think it is wrong, as long as she is comfortable with him having girl friends and there are no double standards.



2) After they cross the 'just friends' line I think it is possible to have the thought removed.



3) I do not have male friends, I have male acquaintances. I am not comfortable with my partner having female friends as he seems to have issues just keeping them as friends and he doesnt like to be mean and shut then down which causes alot of issues. I also know that even though he says it would be fine for me to have male friends it would not be fine with him and that he is just trying to be supportive.

Jenni - posted on 10/11/2012

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1) Nope. As long as it's not causing issues for her husband and she's ok with him having female friends. If they're both comfortable with it, then I see nothing wrong.



2) It's possible. I've had many male friends that we were friends for so long that it was a dead issue, we did not look at each other in that way. Maybe the thoughts crossed our minds in the beginning of our relationship but after awhile, you grow too "use to each other".



3) Not anymore, nothing to do with my husband. We've just lost touch over the years. Although I do tend to get along with guys better than women. I mostly pal around his friends.



I'm not going to lie, I do think it would make my husband slightly uncomfortable. And it's possible I might be a bit uncomfortable with him hanging out with female friends without me.

Rosie - posted on 10/11/2012

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1. i think it's definitely alright for married women to have male friends.

2. no, i do not think it is possible for men and women to be friends without the thought of sex coming to mind. i do however think that once it's thought about it can be pushed away and the realationship can go on like a normal friendship.

3. i do have male friends...none that i normally go out with or anything though unless i was with other females. well, one time a friend who had moved to chicago was back in town and he sent me a fb thing telling me that he was at a local bar if i wanted to stop by. so i did, we had fun and then i went home to the hubby.:) i dont' think it affects my relationship with others at all. my husband has female friends, they even go out to dinner every now and then, and i have no issue. but i do know these women, and i guess i would be a bit more fanatical about it if i didn't.

[deleted account]

i keep getting the feeling around where i live that people look down on women who have male friends. i know in high school girls thought that i was a slut and i was called that a couple times by girls who didn't know me, but none of my guy friends saw me that way. i didn't find out until after i got married, though, that most of my guy friends were only hanging out with me because they liked me as more than friends but were too chicken to say anything and so now that i'm married they don't have anything to do with me. my family also seems to think that i shouldn't have any friends, let alone male ones, since i'm married and have kids and my husband and kids should be my whole life, i should never go out unless i'm going to work or buying groceries, and i definitely should never go out if i'm going to meet a male friend.



so yeah, that's kind of why i ask. i'm a bit torn because i don't get along well with women but the thought of being friends with a guy now just seems so wrong and like i'm cheating on my husband even though it'd just be go out and get a cup of coffee and talk once in a while. just to get away for an hour or so and not just because i'm meeting with my therapist.

Lady Heather - posted on 10/10/2012

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I have male friends, although most of them don't live here around here so I don't see them regularly. But if my bestie from high school lived here instead of Washington we'd see each other all the time and my husband wouldn't care. We've just always been friends and nothing more. It's a sibling-type relationship. I don't know why some opposite sex relationships work that way and others don't. If I was hanging out with a guy and I thought he was into me in a more than friendly way, I probably wouldn't keep him around as a friend. My ex was like that. Claimed he wanted to stay friends so then I went out with him as friends and he was all...not friendly. Ha. So that was the end of that.

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