MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Merry - posted on 06/18/2011
Toni, I've never had a stranger touch Eric....
Acquaintances at church would pat his head or stroke his feet etc, but they weren't strangers and I was ok with it.
I'm not a germ freak, but I still was careful for the first 6 months. (after 6 months he was crawling so all germ concerns had to be forgotten as his hands were all over everything!)
So, newborn to like 3 months I'd be a bit upset if someone was all touchy on them. 3-6 months eh not a huge deal. 6 months and up have at it :)
I don't think it's anyone's right to touch a strangers baby. I'd never touch another persons baby out of the blue! Why can't I expect the same courtesy out of others....
I bet it was cuz I held Eric most of the time when he was small, it's a bit more likely your baby will be touched if they are in a stroller or car seat then if you are holding them.
Rosie - posted on 06/18/2011
i agree with laura. i think it's sweet when people want to try to coo and love up on my babies. i understand the germ thing though, and do believe it would be courteous of others to ask before they do that. a little understanding on both parts would work wonders. :)
Isobel - posted on 06/18/2011
and touching a baby is not like touching a purse. There is a long history of society socializing babies. There is the quote "It takes a village to raise a child" for a reason.
I happen to believe that the "don't come near my baby or I'll kill you" is a LOT of what is wrong with the world today.
Krista - posted on 06/18/2011
I'm exactly like Jennifer. I don't pet someone's dog without asking permission, so I'm definitely not going to touch their child without asking.
I've always loved it when people come over to admire and talk to my child, but I'm not particularly a fan of people touching him. When he was first born, it was the height of the H1N1 scare, and I didn't always have the option to just stay home. And people would try to touch his hands or face, which bothered me. Sure, they looked clean, but if you're in a store, how do you know that the cart they're holding wasn't previously handled by someone sick, or by someone who went and had a giant shit and then didn't wash their hands afterwards?
I was always nice about it, though. These people are well-meaning, so why be rude? I'd usually just say, "I'd really prefer if you didn't touch his hands or his face, where there's a bad flu going around right now, thanks."
Still...you've got to wonder how clueless people can be, to maul the hands of a newborn (one too young to be vaccinated, no less), during a flu outbreak!
Minnie - posted on 06/19/2011
I had problems with that because both of my girls are born flaming redheads. So apparently the hair must be touched, lol.
But with my second when she was really little I carried her around in the mei tai squashed between my boobs, or more often than not, latched on to one. People weren't about to reach down in there ;).
Aha I held Ethan a lot too and he was so small a lot of people I knew were scared to touch him so maybe strangers were too?
I wasn't overly concerned with people I knew touching Ethan without asking unless they woke him up because that is just rude. I also wasn't too bothered with washing hands before holding Ethan (unless they were dirty obviously) however with Poppy because she was in neo natel I have been quite anal about it and have made everyone wash their hands.
I wouldn't touch a strangers baby without their permission first, I do look and comment though because babies are lovely :-)
I also agree with the "it takes a village" but in all fairness a village is usually a very close community of people that know eachother right.... these people in the grocery store are not part of my village. When I had my son who is now 9 I had ALOT of help from my parents I mean someone was always holding him puttin ghim to sleep feeding him ect ect so much so that it almost felt like I was being "pushed" out of the equation. I dont mind a little help now and then and I certainly do not mind people cooing over my children especially my 5 month old, but cooing is completly different from touching, touching is personal, people should ask first.
@Laura... Yes one woman in the store after I moved my baby so she wouldnt touch her.... touched her anyway and I gave her a slap on the hand and said dont touch her.
I agree with the "it takes a village" philosophy, which is why I never freaked out on anyone for touching Jacob when he was younger. Actually once I kinda almost did but it was because this girl was taking his picture trying to use it for a display in the mall (she was selling picture frames) and to get him to smile, she bent over and smooched him all over his face, while rubbing her gel infused hair all over him. Steve had to take me gently by the arm and push the stroller away from her. But a gentle wiggle of his hand or foot by a stranger, and I didn't flip or anything. I'd silently think, "Wow, asking would have been nice, but whatever". Some people just have a closer definition of personal space and I don't think that someone not wanting a stranger slobbering all over their newborn is what's wrong with the world today. It's about respecting someone's personal space, which is why I used the purse analogy earlier. Not that a baby is a posession like a purse is. But it (the baby or the purse) still isn't within my rights to touch without asking, IMO.
Dorota - posted on 06/18/2011
No way! Don't you fricken touch my baby if I don't know you! I think its ridiculous how everyone wants to touch them just because they're tiny and cute, they're not yours, we're not family I don't know you, for all I know you just picked your ass with your finger and now you wanna touch my baby..... no thank you! I love babies too but you know what I'll coo at them, or smile, or wave, or tell their mother that they are soooo darn cute...... there is such a thing as personal space and my child is part of that personal space. Especially a newborn, once their older then yeah I don't mind if someone wants to high five my 2 year old or shake his hand.... just not my newborn..... definitely a pet peeve of mine
â*PHOENIX*â - posted on 06/18/2011
There have been two kids a different times kiss my son. A little boy in my sons 1st grade class a while back kissed him on the head out of no where did not ask, then a little girl of four kissed him on the lips!! So he has had his first kiss by a girl...she was cooing and staring and then kneeled down, I was watching my older son in wrestling and as I looked back down at her she was leaning in for the kill... to his face and then did it so fast lol
the touching of his face happened about 3 times...after that I am on guard lol and when I see they are about to or the look that they want to I touch him or his hair first.....so they don't and it works so far.
Krista - posted on 06/18/2011
Yeah, that mother was just mean. Your poor little boy. Even if she didn't want the baby being touched, why not just tell your son something like, "Sweetie, the baby's not feeling well, so let's not touch him, okay? But if you smile and wave at him, he just LOVES that!"
Yeah, she could have handled that a LOT better.
Isobel - posted on 06/18/2011
Yes, there are extremes on both sides. People SHOULD ask (but many don't) and most of the time parents should probably let it slide (from my experience only mothers and children touched my kids).
I watched a new mother BARK at my son once for touching her baby softly on the top of the head when my son was 3 or 4. It changed my entire outlook on the subject.
Krista - posted on 06/18/2011
Exactly. I certainly don't expect friends or family members to ask. But all of my friends and family members had enough common sense to wash their hands before handling an unvaccinated newborn.
But strangers? I just think it's courteous to ask first.
Yes, it's good to socialize your baby to strangers. But it's got to be a two-way street. The strangers should ask first, and the parents should realize that the strangers really DO mean well. Neither side should be rude about it.
Amber - posted on 06/18/2011
I loved it when people cooed over my baby and talked to him, but I didn't want people touching him all the time. Especially when he was sleeping. You can interact with a baby without touching them. After my son was a little bit older, 6 months maybe(?), I didn't mind as much.
One time, this elderly woman was coughing into her hand, really hacking hard...then tried touching my 4 week old (who was still in premie diapers!). I said, "I'm sorry, but I don't want him to catch a cold." The woman was down right nasty with me because I didn't want her coughing and touching my son.
I love babies as much as the next person but I don't go around touching other peoples infants without asking, especially if they are strangers.
I think we have to remember that not everyone thinks the world and everyone in it is horrible. Lots of people are just picky about their personal space (like me) and there are many different reasons for being like that. I know where Laura is coming from but at the same time, I'm more on the "don't touch my baby side". Not because I'm worried about germs or that some horrible person will steal my baby. For me it's about personal space and that's just how I am. Like I said earlier though, if I ever had another, I probably wouldn't be as over-protective as I was with Jacob. But still, I agree that at least asking should be the norm. I mean, I wouldn't touch another woman's purse just because I like it and wanted to feel it. Not without asking. So why would I touch her baby?
Krista - posted on 06/18/2011
Heh -- I was waiting for you to show up, Laura. I know this is a bit of a peeve of yours. :)
Do you think it's unreasonable for parents to prefer that people ASK, though? I agree that most people are well-meaning, so they shouldn't be rudely rebuffed. But by the same token, should I have to zip my lip and let everybody and their dog rub their hands all over my infant, just to be polite?
Elfrieda - posted on 06/18/2011
I don't think it's just you, but not everyone feels that way.
I enjoyed it. Everybody is so nice when they see you have a baby. My son is a charmer, too, always smiling at people, so I didn't really blame them for coming over and interacting with him.
Someone once asked to see him when I had put a blanket over his carseat because he was sleeping, and that seemed a little strange to me. I just said, "Sorry, no, I don't want him to wake up."
I never minded if someone touched my son as long as they asked first. Babies are irresistable to some people, I get it. For me, it's not a germ thing. It's an "I don't know you, get out of my space" thing. I don't like being touched either, unless I know you. So yeah, it drove me a little nuts the few times strangers just took it upon themselves to touch my son without asking. BUT. As I've grown as a mom, I've changed. So if I were to have another, I probably wouldn't be as worried about it the next time around. I think for me, part of the reason I was so against any strangers touching my baby is because I tried so hard for so long to have him and when I finally did, I was just very over-protective in the begining and didn't want to share lol Something I'll always remember, a cool story from when he was about 6 weeks old. We were at the mall, about to leave. It was chilly out so I'd stopped and was making sure he was all covered in the stroller before we went outside. A woman and her teenage daughter were standing near us and she asked, in the most polite way, "Excuse me miss? Would you mind if I admired your baby?" She just wanted to get a peek at him before I covered him up. Her, I probably would have let hold him if she'd asked, because I just always thought that was the nicest thing to say.
When i had my first she would attract so many people.From children to the elderly,They were all so nice to her.I never saw anything like this.Even when i was out with my friends and family they could not believe it.They were all nice people.They did not have to ask to hold her hand or speak to her.I was there to protect her and to make sure she was safe.Most people were just being kind and friendly and i think thats what the world needs.To show there are still good kind decent people still living amongst us.
My second got lots of attention for her hair.She was tiny and had a full head of long black hair and big blue eyes that would catch anyone's attention.Again most were children, other parents etc.It never harmed my girls.They never got sick.There both as fit as fiddles lol.
Jenni - posted on 06/18/2011
I love when people swoon over my children. I think it's adorable. I've never had a fear of people touching my babies. I love when you're in the check out line and a random stranger (usually an elderly person) keeps your baby entertained while you're putting the grocercies up. It's so sweet and considerate. I think it's good for a baby's socialization as well.
Tara - posted on 06/18/2011
Meh, never really bothered me, my babies were always in the sling when they were tiny and people had to get really close to my personal space to touch their face etc. and often just gave their little bum bump or their back a rub. But even if they weren't in the sling, I found most people went for feet or bums. lol
I did have a friend who hated people touching her babies at all. She had twins and they were preemies and she was freaky about germs. Once we were shopping, an older women came over and was stroking the babies face with her finger, the newborn starting rooting and screaming, my friend takes both hands and rubs the ladies face for a second then says "Stop touching my baby she's not a fucking cat."
I was shocked to say the least!! She could have been more polite or put a sign on her baby seat or something.
Either way, it's not that big of a deal to me.
If someone tried to touch or kiss their face I would politely say "not to close to their mouth please!".
Even though I'm not worried about germs in generalI am worried about saliva and hepatitis C transmission.
Jane - posted on 06/18/2011
Where I live, if a child is particularly pretty, as my daughter was with her curly blonde hair and green eyes, folks are afraid that the child will be affected by "excessive admiration." This in turn will cause "mal ojo" (the evil eye). The only way to avoid this curse is to touch the child. As a result, many, many people insisted on touching my daughter, saying "Como una muneca" (like a doll). It drove me crazy because they would actually shove me out of the way to get to her in her baby seat.
OTOH, my son with his brown skin and brown eyes was pretty much ignored.
@ Ebby me to! Im not sure if its age or the number of kids I have but I have become so aware of germs lurking EVERYWHERE thats what also gets me. @Sherri I am a bit over protective but it is more a germ thing.. guess i could have specified on that for everybody :)
Sherri - posted on 06/17/2011
I really didn't care I loved the attention and so did they. They meant no harm and I am all about showing them off. Heck the day out of the hospital with my youngest I brought him to the kids 2nd & 3rd grade classrooms where they had 20 kids in ea. class breathing, touching him, Half the school holding him. Eh it just doesn't bother me that much.
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