How do I feel safe again?

Erin - posted on 11/19/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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This is not a debate but I respect all of you and think you give great advice :) So here goes......



My small knit community has been through hell for the past 8 days and it finally ended yesterday. A man (if that's what you want to call him) Brutally killed an 11 year old boy, his mom, and the mom's friend and put them in trash bags and dumped them about a mile from my home in a hollowed out tree. He had also kidnapped the 13 year old sister and did God knows what with her, she has been recovered thankfully. She was there when they were murdered and was found bound and gagged in his basement. He finally confessed after 5 days of the location of the bodies.



My question is......how do I begin to feel safe again in my own home? I am terrified that something bad is going to happen. I keep my doors locked ALL the time. He did this in broad daylight and dumped the bodies without anyone seeing him. I'm devastated by all of this. Thanks in advance ladies :) I will put up a link to the lastest on the case.

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Sharon - posted on 11/19/2010

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I've been following this story. Its so damned sad.

How do you feel safe? As I recall the police suspected that he made contact with one of the women. He probably used that nebulous and tentative contact as friendship and gained entry to their home since they didn't find forced entry.

WE feel safer because we have options in our home.

Solid core doors. These doors can't easily be kicked open or bashed in. If you shut it and lock it, its going to take a few minutes to get in.

Our dog. Our pyrenese has proven a few times that she will bite and aggress anyone she thinks is attacking us. I use her as a barometer. She knows bad people - there are certain people she just doesn't like and I trust that.

Our windows are secure, can't be opened from the outside.

Every room has a phone.

I've talked with my kids about what we would do if someone attacked us in our home. RUN. Get out and run. They know this desert. The chances of someone attacking us is remote. The chances of someone attacking us and knowing the paths through the scrub on the outer property are NIL. The kids know, hit those and run to the neighbors. If they aren't home, get into the horse stalls/llama stalls. The guard dogs there will offer additional protection. Stay there until police searchers show up.

I urge my oldest boys to ALWAYS keep their cellphones in their pockets.

LAST - I have my gun. If someone breaks into my home through my steel front door or plate glass bay windows - I KNOW that to save my kids I have to leave them and get to that gun.

I have NO ISSUE with leveling a gun on someone and telling them to get off my property. Been there twice. Scared the FUCK out of our realtor though. I'd never met him, just so you know.

I don't take our remoteness for granted. It isn't pure safety. No one will hear us scream if something happens. So we have to be proactive.

Those poor women, that poor little boy. That shit scares the hell out of me.

Hang in there. Think about your home. What will make it safer? What can you use as a weapon? Can you get a security system? Would your dog run or attack?

Our yard is rigged with video - well it was - we need to put the cameras back up. Its not very expensive if you buy one camera at a time, you can even set up cameras in your home. Which I've thought about.

{{{ HUGS }}}

[deleted account]

Wow...I saw that on the news. It hits closer to home when someone you "know" (even through the Internet) lives there.

I sympathize with you. I know it's scary, but think of this...the man was caught! These sickos are rare and cases like this are few and far between.

But that doesn't make your feelings of feeling unsafe any less valid. Just try to breath, relax, and put it in perspective. Life will return to normal for you and your family. But never forget the lives lost. That's so tragic.

These are not empty words with no experience. My community went through something similar. Almost 20 years ago there were two murders in the same neighborhood in our small town. One was my dad's cousin. Those murders remained unsolved until 8 years ago. Murders started happening again at that time. This time the targets were female graduate students at the University which is 30 minutes south of our town. I believe 8 total were found in the Mississippi River. I attended the university (as an undergrad) at that time. I was terrified to be on campus at night. Everyone was. The only evidence was "white colored truck." Every white colored truck was stopped by police for several months. The serial killer was finally caught. DNA evidence linked him to the murders that had happened in my hometown years before. This man lived 5 miles from my childhood home. He also went to the same gas station for coffee every morning...the same gas station I regularly used. He is now on death row at Angola (LA State Penitentiary).

My point is we were all shaken up...for quite a while. Life is back to normal. Doors go unlocked, children play outside. Those that lost their lives are not forgotten. But day to day life is as it was before.

**HUGS**

Jackie - posted on 11/19/2010

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1) Time

2) Be active in the community. Start a neighborhood watch or join one. Feel like you're making a difference.

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Bonnie - posted on 11/19/2010

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Wow reading something like that really hits hard. It's not easy to take in anything that happens and most certainly not when it is that close to home. I believe the best thing for you and your family right now is to stick close together and if anything eacother's love will get you through this in time. Time and love is the key. It's not easy to feel safe after something like this takes place. My recommendation is if you can avoid it, don't be alone.

Erin - posted on 11/19/2010

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Thanks everyone :) It doesn't seem real yet. It happened just way too close to home, too close for comfort. Matthew used to go to school at the career center then got put in prison for an arson fire. He just got out 2 or 3 years ago. From what I know he did not know any of them. His parents did live on the same road as her. The only connection that they have come up with is he used to clean the gym that Tina used to use.

I attended the vigil that they had for them last night. It was so nice to see all of the support that this family has received. I did not know any of them, but feel closer to this community than I ever have before. The facebook page dedicated to this family and her friend has generated over 12,000 fans!! :) Thanks again!

Dana - posted on 11/19/2010

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Erin, I know what you mean, it's creepy. Which is why in the Transgender thread I can't judge anyone for possibly being scared and reacting, you never know what someone is going through.



Sometimes crazy shit happens which is beyond our comprehension. I've been watching this particular case too, I live east of Cleveland actually so while it's not close to me, it's still bothersome and sickening. I think the main thing is to remember this guy is in custody, thank God (or whoever you want to thank). I think everyone, no matter where they live, should always be careful, lock doors, be on alert. Not to the point of being frightened all the time or overzealous about it but, just using common sense. You never know what can happen at any point.



That being said, I imagine having a crazy killer close by is like lightening striking, it's not going to happen more than once (most of the time ;) especially in a smaller town.



On a side note, I'm heading to Winesburg this weekend, it's close to Millersburg...kind of in your neck of the woods. :)

Krista - posted on 11/19/2010

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My gosh, Erin -- that's absolutely horrible. I feel so badly for all of you and especially for that girl.

I think that if you know her well enough, helping her to heal will help you heal. Kids tend to unjustly blame themselves when things go wrong in their lives. Try to let her know this wasn't her fault.

If you don't know her well enough, then basically, the advice still applies. Help your neighbours heal. Try to remember that the reason bad things like this shock us so much is because they're so rare -- it's not like this is a common occurrence in your community. It's going to take time to feel secure again; in a way, you've all been violated. Give it time, and help each other -- that's all I can say.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/19/2010

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WOW! I am not sure how to respond to this. There is an aweful lot of healing for that little girl let alone your community. My thoughts and prayers go out to all that are involved...how horrible.



As for how to deal with it...this is a scary thing...you deserve to be scared...the whole community does. There fear will eventually fade...but in the meantime to make you feel safe, maybe get an alarm system. Please don't be so scared to live your life though. Terrible things happen all the time, but strentgh and love get us through this. Don't let fear parylize your life. Good luck!

Katherine - posted on 11/19/2010

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How terrifying!!! I really can't give advice, as I would be scared too :/
I think it will take time to feel safe again. Was he part of the community? Or a complete stranger? Odds are if he was part of the community that this won't happen again, but I would definitely be extra watchful.
I am going to read the full story now.

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