How much is too much??!!

Alyssa - posted on 02/10/2011 ( 67 moms have responded )

231

0

18

A friend of mine buys her 3 yo a treat (toy, book, whatever he wants really!) almost everytime they go shopping.

I like to limit treat buying to maybe once every few months when they get an amount to spend and they can choose something - with mummy's guidance!

How often do you think it is ok to buy toys or presents for your kids. Do you buy them everytime or only at birthdays?? Do they have to earn them, or do you just buy them things even if they haven't really been good at the shops?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sharon - posted on 02/12/2011

11,585

12

1314

Eh - I forgot to mention - I've been doing this since my first.

He's 15 now. His favorite treat are Pepperidge Farms dark chocolate milano cookies. Nowadays he might choose to skip his treat in favor of a couple of music downloads.

They're good kids. They don't get into trouble. They get good grades. Why not?

Stifler's - posted on 02/11/2011

15,141

154

597

i purchase myself stuff when i go shopping! that's the point of shopping so why wouldn't i buy my kid a $1 toy?

Alyssa - posted on 02/10/2011

231

0

18

so for the mums who buy something every time, but oh, it's only a really cheap item (lollipop, 1 dollar bin)...do you think your child understands the difference between a cheap toy and an expensive one?? Are you still priming them to expect something every time, even if they are only young?? I would bet these are the kids throwing a tanty when they are 3-4 because they can't have the latest Bakugan!!!

Jenn - posted on 02/12/2011

2,683

36

93

OK - I have a thought on this. I had a friend who used to buy her daughter something every time they went to the store. It became a problem because her daughter began to expect something, and if she didn't get something, she would flip out until her Mom gave in. And THAT is when it becomes an issue. If someone wants to give their child a toy or treat when they go out, then more power to them. I think it's only when you've said no, then the child throws a tantrum, so you cave in to shut them up, that it becomes an issue of the child being spoiled.

[deleted account]

I buy things for my kids all the time, and it isn't bc they threw a tantrum to get it or begged and pleaded or even that they asked at all, it's bc I want to. I go all out for holidays- Christmas, birthdays, Easter, even smaller holidays where you dont usually get gifts like Valentines, 4th of July and Halloween, I still give them things. It's fun and I enjoy doing it and love seeing their faces light up. I don't consider food to be a treat so I dont really include that as being something special they get when we shop. If we're going to be out and about and they're hungry I need to feed them, period. It isn't an extravegance. And, if I'm going to have a Starbucks I think it's only fair to give the kids something too like a milk shake or frapp. Ever heard "From those to whom much is given, much is expected."? This rule applies. My children may have alot but they also give alot. We volunteer and give to charities at Christmastime, they never throw tantrums, use excellent manners (rude kids really irk me), knew their abc's, numbers, shapes, colors, etc, in English, Spanish and Portugese before age 2. Could write their full names by age 3. My point is that they excel. They are amazing kids AND they are extremely happy kids so giving them toys hasn't hindered them bc they are taught well. I suppose if all you did was give toys and didn't parent you're children or teach them anything then you might have a problem. If my children did throw tantrums I certainly wouldn't give them something just to shut them up. Bad behavior wouldn't be rewarded. There is also a difference between giving in to a tantrum and pacifying a bored or discontent baby. You can't tell a baby to knock it off or forget your toy lol. When mine were little the first thing I would do in a store is go to the toy section to find something to occupy them while we shopped, then I would put it back before check out if I didn't want to buy it, but it kept them happy and from being bored to tears while mommy is choosing toilet paper and shampoo. ; )

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

67 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

my son might get some chicken nuggets if he's good while we're shopping (only once a week though) maybe a book around once a month (cos he loves books) but toys not until birthday or christmas

Merry - posted on 02/12/2011

9,274

169

248

Eric hasn't gotten to the age of asking for things yet so we really don't buy him anything when we go out.
I definitely wouldn't buy him something every time. Not by a long shot. But it would really depend on what he is asking for. Usually the cheap stuff is things he won't play with again, and the expensive stuff is,......well expensive!
So I think I'll be the mom who usually says no and remembers the good stuff for a birthday or Christmas.

[deleted account]

I agree, that is when it's a problem. As for me, if one of my kids threw a tantrum bc I said no to something there would be no giving in to shut them up. Feeding bad behavior makes it grow.

Casey - posted on 02/12/2011

633

37

104

Just thought I would let you all know that I went shopping today and not only did my 2 year old get his usual match box car and ice-cream on the way home but he also got a colouring in book and a lollypop too lol, omg I've probably ruined him for life!!!
Seriously I don't see what all the fuss is about if you don't want to buy stuff for your kids or you can't afford it then that is up to you if your comfortable with your decision then you shouldn't need to put other peoples choice down to make you feel better and vice versa if you want to spoil your kids every now and then then thats cool but no-one else should feel guilty if they can't or don't want to do that, each to their own I reckon.

[deleted account]

I just don't think you should be telling Emma that it's going to change and the she has no idea of what she is doing to her child in terms of buying a treat when shopping.
I buy my kids treats sometimes and sometimes i don't. They don't chuck tantrums over it. Each child will handle it differently.

Alyssa - posted on 02/12/2011

231

0

18

2 kids 6 and 3.
I'm not at all saying I never buy my kids things...because I do. I make a point of sometimes getting things that they choose if they have been good at the shops and sometimes I don't buy then anything! They respect the times when they do get something a whole lot more and they understand it is not their given right to get a treat everytime

[deleted account]

I'm with Emma, I buy myself something on shopping day and if the kids are good why not buy something for them?
Alyssa how many children do you have and their ages? If you want to say that to Emma then you should back yourself with how many and ages of your kids.

Stifler's - posted on 02/12/2011

15,141

154

597

Plus... shopping day is treat day anyway. I buy Damo and I a Cherry ripe or some other chocolate that is on special for 99c to eat for dessert anyway.

Sharon - posted on 02/12/2011

11,585

12

1314

I never bought my kids something to keep them quiet. They only got a toy if they stayed quiet. That means the entire time we're in the store. Actually for the whole trip. Walmart/target etc was usually the last place we'd go to.

A small inexpensive toy or lavish food was their treat. It was their choice. A hissy fit or whining meant - no toy or treat and we were still going to finish our shopping trip.

Sherri - posted on 02/11/2011

9,593

15

387

Shannen well if buying them something to keep them quiet once every two or three years when we go on vacation is a problem to others, I guess I will say okay??? I also think the difference is they didn't ask for any of the items I bought, actually they don't even know they were purchased. However, everytime we go into a store do they get a toy or treat slim to no chance. I have three kids so I squashed that from ever even becoming an issue. They don't even bother to ask because they know the answer will always be no. Not to mention if I ever go shopping it is for specific items that have to be purchased not just because we have extra money to blow and feel like spending it.

Alyssa - posted on 02/11/2011

231

0

18

fair enough, there is a big difference though in letting a child manipulate the parents into buying whatever and having the happy medium of teaching children about money and it's worth, and also when a purchase is warranted

[deleted account]

I never said there was anything wrong with it. I said some people would see that as wrong because you are still buying them something so they will be quiet and happy.
Hell if i had to travel for 27hrs anywhere any how with a 4 yr old i'd do the same thing.
I did do it when we went on holidays 2 yrs ago.

Alyssa - posted on 02/11/2011

231

0

18

Shannen, Whats wrong with creating a great holiday experience? That sort of thing doesn't happen everyday

Sherri - posted on 02/11/2011

9,593

15

387

Well they will be stuck in seats for 27hrs I have a few movies and coloring things and cards to keep them busy for 27hrs. It is extremely different. I am not just going to a store and buying them random stuff every single time we walk into a store, for no purpose. Just wondering if you ever had to make a 4yr old sit in one spot for 27hrs???

[deleted account]

"Now we are getting ready to go on vacation in about 9 wks so I have a few things stashed away to keep them occupied for the 27hr train ride but that is different."

Some people will see that as wrong to though. Your still buying them to keep them quiet. Whats the difference ina shopping trip or a holiday?

Sherri - posted on 02/11/2011

9,593

15

387

Rarely if ever!! They don't even bother asking because they know the answer is always no. I will occasionally surprise them and get them a candy bar or something. Now we are getting ready to go on vacation in about 9 wks so I have a few things stashed away to keep them occupied for the 27hr train ride but that is different.

Ashley - posted on 02/11/2011

956

23

134

i have alot of friends like that but for us we only buy a treat if they have earned it like for example its been a very long day of shopping and they have been amazing then we get a little something from the dollar store they are only 3 and 21 months so they dont really care what it is lol.. the only other time we do buy a treat well shopping is if its close to a hoilday.. we will not buy them anything if they ask for it or grab it off a shelf .... now my friends on the other hand buy a ton of crap just to keep the child quiet and then wonder why they act that way

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/11/2011

18,548

9

2918

Now thats off my chest, I do buy my son something most times when we go to the store. He is a wicked good kid, and I want to. I love him, and if he wants that toy that costs me 1-5 dollars, I am fine with that. He understands he does not get something EVERYTIME we go to the store...but I do enjoy getting him things. judge me all you want...my money, my kid.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/11/2011

18,548

9

2918

Here is my thing...there is no such thing as spoiling your child IMO. They are only young once, so love them with hugs, gifts, kisses, playtime, toys, just love the hell out of them period. You can NOT spoil your kid with love, but you can rott there teeth.

[deleted account]

My son is turning three and no he doesn't throw a tantrum if we don't get him something, I'll be honest he does throw a tantrum if we leave the park but we're working on that and hes getting better. My friend doesn't buy her daughter things when shes out because she already gets so much for bdays etc. and she is the most demanding child I have ever known. I wouldn't buy her a doll once that she kept grabbing off the shelf and she stole it and we had to go all the way back to return it...keep in mind this is a child who has learned that when she wants something in the store she doesn't ever get it. I get where you're coming from but I believe its okay to get them something small when you go out because that teaches them that when they come across something they really want they can ask for it and not get told automatically no. Not saying that what my friend does is wrong its just different and I'm not saying my method is any better. I think it has more to do with the child's personality and your own situation. Just because your kid doesn't always get something while their out doesn't mean they will steal like my friends kid and just because you always get them something while your out doesn't mean they will be spoiled...every kid and situation is different its just not reasonable to generalise that way.

Melissa - posted on 02/10/2011

472

1

12

we do it alot, I knw its not good but Im just so greatful to be a mother to 2 perfect girls and being a mum was always my dream so Ijust like to spoil them. We enjoy seeing the excitement when she gets something new. She has always got alot of things for birthday or christmas and presents when we went out, I think christmas would have been much over $1000 of presents not including everything we bought her in the months before then. Ive had to throw out 3 big garbage full of toys to the good sammys I mean and her room is a complete mess because they are toys everywhere piled up , it is a clean mess as when I sort it and hand down what shes grown out of to her sister, I clean everything but theres toy boxes stacked full toys all around it toys all at the end of her bed toy of her cupboard and just everywhere and our longue room is packed with todller and baby toys. We know we cant get her anythign else withoiut geting rid of something now so we've definately cut down but do I think its the right thing to do nope.

Alyssa - posted on 02/10/2011

231

0

18

Yeah, things like having lunch out or buying the odd book don't bother me. They're productive in their own right. Just buying junk toys and stuff the dog ends up chewing....can anyone say...SPOILT

Alyssa - posted on 02/10/2011

231

0

18

Emma, I'm not suggesting you would give in to the tantrums, but you can bet there will be tantrums!! Especially if they have always known that they will get something everytime they go to the shops.

[deleted account]

"I would bet these are the kids throwing a tanty when they are 3-4 because they can't have the latest Bakugan!!!"

When we had 1 child she would get something everytime we went near a shop. She doesn't throw tanty's now she know that she doesn't always get something.
All of my kids get something once a fortnight when we go shopping it is usually something for lunch because we spend the day out. Does this mean they get something everytime? Hell no and they know it.

Jodi - posted on 02/10/2011

25,219

36

3781

OK, I'm fessing up, I just bought Taylah a cheap Barbie for learning to tie her shoelaces today :D

Stifler's - posted on 02/10/2011

15,141

154

597

do you really think i'm going to buy my kid an expensive toy just because he throws a tantrum at age 3 just because i bought him a book or lollipop every time at age 1? hell no.

Casey - posted on 02/10/2011

633

37

104

I'm a sucker lol!!!
We go out shopping once a fortnight and every single time we go out to the shopping centre for a look around my two year old son is allowed to have a little match box car (their about $2) and an icecream for on the way home (I think their about $1.40) but thats it if he carries on about something that he wants his told no and he gets nothing but I never usually have to many of those kinds of dramas from him and the car and icecream really do make his day, I think a small treat when you go out shopping is ok but I don't think you should have to give into your childs ever demand just to avoid a scene kids need to learn control just like everyone else.

[deleted account]

We only buy for birthdays and christmas. We love garage sales and quite frankly my kids have more than they really want or need anyway. Of course they have gotten most for birthdays and christmas' too. The extra toys they bought with their own money they have saved up for by doing extra chores or even helping our elderly neighbors with things.
I don't want to be that child's mother when her 3 yr old becomes a teen. I really don't. That 3 yr old will have such a sense of entitlement that it will be hard to fix the behavior once your friend realizes what she has done by allowing it. :)

Joanna - posted on 02/10/2011

2,096

19

134

Everytime we go to Target, I let my oldest pick something from the $1 bins. And I let her know if she is good, I will buy it for her. If she isn't, it gets put back.

And at the grocers the florist loves her so she gets a flower or balloon for free every time. But I let the florist know not to give her one if she's been naughty.

But I do have a problem with buying things. I love to spoil my girls. We didn't have muchmoney growing up, so now that I do have money it goes to them - I rarely get anything for myself that's not a necessity.

[deleted account]

Heather, why the sarcasm? It was just a suggestion that works for us. Something else I've done is let her play with something in the store, then discretely put it back on the shelf before we leave and I'm not wasting my dollar. If she doesn't notice the treats are gone once you get home...maybe that will work. Again, another suggestion, so hold the sarcasm. I didn't say buying treats on occasion is a bad thing....just if it's done all the time. And I'll add, it's a bad thing once kids come to expect it and feel entitled to it. I'm sure your daughter doesn't, and that you are doing a great job.

[deleted account]

Well he almost always gets something be it a timbit or a new toy or maybe just a juicebox or he'll get to keep a leaf from the park. Hunni is trying to limit how many treats I buy him and I'm encouraging him to cut down on the big toys. At the end of the day though I don't see too much of a problem with it unless he starts to demand things.

Bonnie - posted on 02/10/2011

4,813

22

257

We don't buy our kids things all that often, just once in awhile other than for birthdays or Christmas. I think if you buy them something pretty much everytime you go shopping, not only do they expect, but they don't get the meaning of it; to them this is the way it is.

My mom buys them things almost every time her and my dad visit, even though it is mostly dollar store crap. I tell her not to, not just because it is too much, but because then they expect it every time.

Amanda - posted on 02/10/2011

6

4

0

something like a book is always great because as we all know, a book is the best toy. maybe every once and awhile a small treat is ok. for example, we have a play place at the mall that i like to take my boys to and if they do something extra nice like avoiding a fight that other children are in or not hitting someone after they get hit, then i will go to target and buy them a new truck or car which are only $1.00. my boys love them and i find that it helps them remember respect towards other. other then that they dont get anything because im a firm believer in lots of love (hugs and kisses) to show my love,where as others like to show it through buying lots of things. besides, you dont want to create a spoiled child that expects toys and treats all the time

Stifler's - posted on 02/10/2011

15,141

154

597

I sometimes give Logan an item from the trolley to play with hahaha. Any toys he gets are usually like $3 like a rubber duck it's never expensive things.

Marylea - posted on 02/10/2011

236

3

24

I definitely don't buy treats everytime we go out but I do like to buy my daughter things just because. I usually tend to buy her books. We're a family that loves the written word so every so often my baby girl gets a new book just because. She doesn't really get toys or anything like that unless its a birthday or christmas. Sometimes I'll grab her a box of smarties at the grocery store. I think that moderations is the key. Buying your kids stuff all the time just to shut them up or appease them makes for a spoiled child with an undeserved sense of entitlment. That's my opinion anyway.



Marylea

Lady Heather - posted on 02/10/2011

2,448

17

91

Oh gee, I never would have thought of bringing toys along! Yeah, toys she knows just aren't as amusing and sometimes she knows what I'm trying to do when I give her one and then it really doesn't work. A new item (even just a $1 rubber duckie like the last time) is always so novel that she doesn't care anymore. It's not an always thing. Just sometimes if we are going to be much later than I thought and never because she asked for it. She screamed for a DVD once and that definitely did not get purchased.

I'm sure the practice will be discontinued when she's a little older. I don't think a 20 month old really notices this stuff that much. She certainly doesn't seem to miss anything when it disappears.

[deleted account]

We stick to a tight budget and I hate clutter. Therefore I rarely buy my daughter a treat. I'm a SAHM, so she comes with me everywhere and I've never had to buy her a treat to keep her happy. Now, occasionally we'll stop for ice cream or something. But I don't use it as a bribe..."If you stop whining, we'll get ice cream." No I don't do that...she knows better than to whine in the first place. There is nothing wrong with a treat here and there (it's fun to make our kids happy)...but it's wrong to do it every time.



I did take my daughter to a school book fair recently with the sole purpose of letting her chose a book for herself. It was a fundraiser...why not? But it is very rare that we do something like that.



In response to buying a treat to keep a kid amused while on errands...I try to keep a notepad and crayons and a small book in my purse. That helps tremendously.

Lady Heather - posted on 02/10/2011

2,448

17

91

I have a tendency to buy her something to amuse her at the store and then give it away when we get home. I guess I feel bad for her because sometimes we'll miss the bus by 5 minutes and then it's 55 minutes to the next one and there's nothing for her to do at some boring store. But I don't want her to have a million toys so I give them to other people or donate them. Do the same for holidays. I buy her a new thing because I know it will amuse her more and keep her out of my hair, but she doesn't get to keep them.

I don't know what that's going to do to her - spoil her? Teach her how great it is to share and give to others? Who knows.

Vashti - posted on 02/10/2011

35

4

2

We try to keep buying to a limit and when we do buy its because is a great deal as we are bargain hunters. I do let my son know when we go out, that the outing we are on is a treat in itself and that I only have money for our lunch etc. I do reward good behaviour, with renting a movie at redbox. If anyone asks what he wants, I encourage videos and books. I don't make it a point to buy him something because I feel I should be teaching him to be a responsible spender. I would want him to know the value of things. And too many times I see that he gets toys from his birthday and Christmas and plays with them for like 5 mins and it gets tossed aside. The money that would normally want to buy a toy with, I put it in his piggy bank and on his birthday we go to the bank and deposit it. I just think that everything is so commercialised these days its hard to keep up. If my friends with older kids pass on their toys to us, I welcome it.

April - posted on 02/10/2011

3,420

16

263

We rarely buy toys "just because". He was born very close to Christmas, so we simply don't have the room for all of those toys. He's got so much that he doesn't even play with them all.

I think it is wrong to buy your kids a toy every time you go shopping. Whether or not he/she asks for a toy. Children need to learn to be grateful for what they have. They also need to learn how to be creative. I know a family that has almost no money and their kids are doing things we used to do as children (before technology took over our lives). They are building forts out of blankets. They do homemade art projects...the 8 year old went outside and collected a bunch of sticks. She built a birdhouse by herself with some sticks and a little glue.

I also know another family (not very well off either) that buys her older son a toy every single time, without fail. He doesn't ASK...he ORDERS her to buy a toy. One time, they drove past Target and her 4 year old said, "MOMMY PULL OVER RIGHT NOW! WE HAVE TO GO TO TARGET!! I NEED THE NEW IMAGINEX TOY!!!" She had no intention of going to Target, but because her 4 year old DEMANDED a toy...she complied. That's a problem, IMO!

Sarah - posted on 02/10/2011

1,499

10

39

I like to buy my son books on occasion. When we go to the bookstore they have this big area filled with kids books that are usually marked down. I try to buy him 1 or 2 books each time we go so I can build his collection (he's 16 months). As far as buying toys & stuff, I just don't have the money right now to throw around like that. He has plenty of toys as it is & he'd rather play with a box & a roll of toilet paper anyway.

Jackie - posted on 02/10/2011

1,415

44

71

I'm guilty for buying treats often. not really toys but my LO loves those little balloons you see that say happy birthday or get well soon they sell at cash registers. Not the big ones but the little ones...

I just can't help myself.

Amy - posted on 02/10/2011

4,793

17

369

I don't buy them often just because I don't have money to. Plain as that. But, truly, what would one do with all that STUFF? It's just more junk to pick up and then they get overwhelmed with toys. I don't see anything wrong with a little spoiling here and there. An extra, I love you and want to show it. If it is a tradition thing they do, great. Love special you and me stuff. Usually the reasoning behind the toys makes the difference. if it's to shut them up, not for it at all. if we do "treats" in the store it's usually them picking own fruit or what flavor ice cream. something that won't hang around for us to trip on.

Rosie - posted on 02/10/2011

8,657

30

315

well, i'd say it about half and half with the treats at the store if they are good. i won't buy them toys unless i get a hair up my ass, and my ass has been pretty hair free lately, sooo...;) other than that, if they're good while we're at the store they will get a treat like water bottle (their fav, lol) or a ringpop or something. they also do know that it's not an everytime they are good thing either, they bitch about htat, but meh, i don't care. if i say no, its no.

Jocelyn - posted on 02/10/2011

5,165

42

274

I buy random presents on occasion. But when I do, it's normally something little, like some sidewalk chalk, or a book. When we go grocery shopping I normally buy Conner a little treat (which to him is a pepperoni and cheese stick pack, or some fruit bites dried fruit lol)
But he has to wait until a special occasion if he wants the...super deluxe Ironman dress up kit with sound effects.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms