How should society treat a pregnant woman?

Mary - posted on 01/17/2011 ( 63 moms have responded )

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We've had numerous threads on here about "issues" that women may face when pregnant, and our expectations of what the "right" response is from society.

Some of us get all up in arms at the thought of a pregnancy being a cause for discrimination; don't you dare deny a visibly pregnant woman admittance to a bar, and definitely don't refuse to hire (or fire) a woman just because she's pregnant.

Some of us think that pregnancy is a reason for society to make special concessions; there needs to be more of those stork parking spots for pregnant mommas, and any decent person should relinquish their seat on the bus for a pregnant woman.

I can see where it gets a bit confusing for society at times....A pregnant woman demands that she is just as qualified to continue in her job as a waitress, cashier, or neurosurgeon, and yet, on her day off, she's in need of a special parking spot because it's too far of a walk from whatever normal spots are open?

So which is it?

Is it reasonable that a woman with a normal, healthy and uncomplicated pregnancy expect society to bend to her personal needs and wants, whether it's to continue all 9 months working full time as a bartender, or to be coddled and cocooned from the moment she begins to show?

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Esther - posted on 01/18/2011

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I'm still not convinced Mary ;P I don't think that the unfairness your male co-worker experienced is offset by treating his pregnant female co-workers equally unfairly. Both should be allowed to continue on a modified workload. Women have become a huge and indispensible part of the work force and therefore, unless we plan to stop humanity with this generation, we have to factor in that a large part of that workforce will be pregnant at one point or another and I don't think it is unreasonable in any way to request or even expect employers to make certain adjustments to accomodate them. As for the non-pregnant workers having to pick up the slack - yeah, that can suck. But such is life. Maybe down the line they will throw out their back and allowances will have to be made for them too. I think rather than asking pregnant women to suck it up, we should ask employers to step it up and treat their employees, pregnant and non pregnant, better.

Jodi - posted on 01/17/2011

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No, absolutely not, but neither should she be discriminated against for being pregnant. So IF a woman is capable of doing her job while pregnant, she has every right to keep the job, but if she is performing poorly, why should an employer continue to pay her the same as the next person who is performing at full capacity? If she is perfectly healthy, why should she need special parking spaces, but if she is having a difficult pregnancy, then maybe something as simple as a doctor's note will allow her to park in special spaces. Of course a pregnant woman deserves consideration and respect, and obviously, as employers, if we want to keep our employee, we should negotiate appropriate allowances as the pregnancy progresses and, of course, provide appropriate maternity leave, because happy employess are more productive employees. However, I think there is a line.

I once had a pregnant trainee. She was not pregnant when I hired her for the traineeship, but became pregnant shortly afterwards. I bent over backwards to try and fast track her through her traineeship so she would have some sort of certificate before she had her baby. But she took so many days off, requiring me to hire in temps to help me, that it was ridiculous. This girl was lazy. She suffered morning sickness, which was usually over by mid morning, but she wouldn't come to work once she felt better. I had no choice but to let her go because she was NOT performing her job and had no interest in making the effort. I don't feel bad about it.

[deleted account]

I think EVERYONE should be treated well, Marina -- not just pregnant women or handicapped people. EVERYONE should get the same treatment. Unfortunately that doesn't always happen.

Why would you be more deserving of someone holding the door open for you while you're pregnant and pushing a stroller than someone who isn't pregnant? I agree, that dude was a jerk, but you don't deserve to have him hold the door open because you're with child. You deserve him to hold the door open because you're a human being.

Kate CP - posted on 01/17/2011

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Carolyn: What do I do when I can't get a stork parking space? I waddle in there and I usually have to sit down before I start shopping. Then I have to take periodic breaks in the store to sit down. There have been times when yes, I DID go home because there was no parking any where near the entrance (Christmas time) and I just couldn't handle trekking through the parking lot and then wading through the crowds of people. I don't EXPECT people to open doors for me (honestly so many places have automatic doors these days that it's a moot point) but if there is staff available to help me carry something heavy or reach something I can't get to you can bet I'm going to ask for help.

I guess I object to your post because it sounds like you assume every woman has an easy pregnancy and can get around without help; and that's just not true. Those stork parking spaces are a God send when I can find them but where I live they are few and far between for some reason. It actually kind of ticks me off that so many businesses STOPPED doing the stork parking spaces. :/

Carolyn - posted on 01/17/2011

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so what happen's when all the stork spots are taken up ? do you sit in your car waiting for someone to pull out ? go home and then come back later ? no , chances are you find another spot and walk in. Im sorry but, if you cant walk the distance of a parking lot, how do you manage in the store/ 4 story mall /giant grocery store etc...

what do you do when you go to the corner store and there is noone coming or leaving to open the door for you, or lift your stroller ? you manage ! you went their fully expecting to do it on your own anyways, i dont see a point in thinking some else rude for not helping you with something you most likely didnt expect to have help with in the first place.

yes getting an expectant/ new mothers parking spot is great ! ive used it, mostly after my son was born, i found it more uncomfortable walking around after birth for a while than i did 40 weeks pregnant with a 9 pounder 7 cm dilated without starting labour and regular strong braxton hicks. if it wasnt open , oh well ! i would get mad at my husband for wanting to park there while i was less than 9 months pregnant.

I got angry when i was 6 months pregnant and staff at the store wanted me to wait forever to have someone lift something for me, I politely would tell them ,l thank you , but im pregnant not disabled, pick it and go. I would get angry at my husband when he tried to take the grocery bags out of my hands when trying to help unload the truck.

i helped renovate our entire basement, we finished when i was 8 months along. but then again, my pain started when i sat for too long, and was releived with standing/ walking and activity. My doctor put me off work because i couldnt sit for my 12 hour shifts due to the pain caused by sitting.

i guess what im saying is : sure the kindness is appreciated, but you should not expect it when you went to do something fully expecting to do it on your own. Dont get your panties in a bunch because someone isnt helping you because you thought they should. If you really needed help, consider bringing your own before getting down on strangers for not offering it. i realise i sound a bit harsh but i dont really know how to say it.

in general, i also beleive in equality means equality in everything, not equality when you feel it necessary or appropriate, and special treatment on demand.

oh and the crowded bus thing, the person getting up to give you their seat could just as easily fall onto you should the bus suddenly stop, accident etc. i dont really see a decreased risk whether you standing or sitting on a crowded bus where falls are concerned.

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[deleted account]

Like a woman. A pregnant woman is like every other woman just with the baby inside instead of on your hip.

Cyndel - posted on 01/20/2011

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At the same time we can never know when a woman has a difficult pregnancy. And it is simple manners to give up a seat to a very pregnant woman. I don't see as a 'right' or anything. It is simple manners that our society has lost. Holding a door open for others, Helping a stranger struggling with loaded arms, etc. These simple curtousies our lost because it takes them away from their precious time to do their own thing; or their so caught up in their own mind that they don't even notice a need.
Common curtisy is now responded to with surprise or suspicion. It is sad.

[deleted account]

what!! wow i can believe her! i remember i was doing a set of highlights and almost passed out it was the worst feeling ever and i got dizzy couldnt breath wanted to throw up urghhh terrible

[deleted account]

Amber - I was ordered bed rest from 20 weeks on and my now ex MIL treated me like I was disabled it was a nightmare mind you i remember passing out on a bus because there was a full bus and in the disabled spot (where a pregnant woman has a right to sit in the case of a bus full of abled body people) was some nasty woman with her even nastier offspring...it would of taken her two seconds to fold up her pram with her 3 year old sitting in it but no she told the bus driver there was no possible way to do that. so as a result i had to stand and my low blood pressure and low iron kicked in and i hit the deck within 10 minutes and the women had the hide to say i was faking it

[deleted account]

Wider spaces....YES! I would LOVE wider spaces...I don't care if they're at the back of the parking lot but some extra room to get the tot in and out would be great! ;)

[deleted account]

oooh this is a good one!! So lets see i was one of those "perfect" pregnancies nothing wrong at all!! I worked full time at a bowling alley waitressing and went to school full time as a cosmetologist. So i was on my feet literally 24/7 i mean i went to school at 8:00am left at 6:30 just to go straight to work at 7:00 and then get off at 2:30am on the weekends 11:00pm and 12:00am on the weekdays i never asked for special treatment i never wanted to give my employer a reason to fire me even tho by law she cant just because im pregnant but still. I got hired at the beginning of pregnancy and didnt tell them cuz this job was important to me. As i started to show i felt like i had to work harder and i did. i remember another girl that was there got pregnant too and she was like now me and you can slack off and eat all the time!!! i was like uh no. . . as i started getting around to 6 months it really did start taking its toll everything blow my knee was so swollen made it hard to keep up with my tables and i was so exhausted!! and tho they did give me some lee way i still wanted to do my job. So right there they gave me more breaks because i was pregnant thats special treatment right?? even tho i didnt ask for it? but really needed it and appreciated it. turns out i gave birth a month early and didnt kno i had pre eclampsysia at all!! so idk. so i never asked for special treament or went out of my way to get it but when it was offered i did appreciate. i mean cuz in the end its not like im disabled or anything im still capable of doing mostly everything i had done before however once i got bigger it did make things a little more uncomfortable. i do agree with one lady who wrote about common decency nothing wrong with that!!

Amber - posted on 01/19/2011

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i think you're talking about Utopia there Krista :P now fetch me a drink! harharhar

Krista - posted on 01/19/2011

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Personally, I think that I should get wider parking spaces, doors held open for me, a shorter work schedule, and people fetching drinks for me.

At all times, not just when pregnant.

Amber - posted on 01/19/2011

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i expect to be treated a little differently when i'm pregnant, but not necessarily from strangers. i have very difficult pregnancies and can barely do much anyways, but besides that, if i could work i think i would expect my workplace to be kind & gentle with me for a couple months. my husband does it, and i adore him for it. it's not that he's treating me like i'm disabled, he's just treating me like the woman who is carrying his baby. creating life. i think that kind of deserves a bit of arse-kissing :) i would probably get pretty pissed if i took the bus and some punk ass kid wouldn't let a pregnant lady sit down, even if it wasn't me, because to me that's just respect. like letting an elderly person sit. face it, you're pregnant, you're exhausted, you're sore and fat. sit the fack down and don't be silly! it's okay to want that treatment, i think. by no means am i a spoiled little princess or anything, i'm ery self-sufficient, but having hard pregnancies where i have to be on bed rest i personally think that having to give up everything and be 'coddled and cuccooned' isn't always fun or easy, same as the opposite. but it is nice :)

Rosie - posted on 01/18/2011

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i guess i'm not really talking about expecting complete stranger to cowtow to me just because i'm pregnant. sure it's be nice, but i could care less what other people do for me when i'm dealing with the general public.

it's the stork spots, and being at work that concerns me the most. that nurse you are talking about mary and his story angered me. i can't believe someone with a fractured hand would be expected to do anything like that. i feel your employer was very unfair to him and his situation. i also feel that he is upset at the wrong people. the pregnant women didn't do anything to him, your employer denied him something i feel he should get the same as any person with a temporary disability.

if you can go without help while pregnant, great grand wonderful!! me i couldn't walk, sit or stand without pain for the better part of 6 months and the last 3 were excruciating. if you don't need the stork spot, don't take it. if you don't need your employer to give you a stool, don't take it. i just simply don't understand how people have to bend over backwards to get those types of things when they physically can't stand there for hours on end. it's common sense to me, if a pregnant woman asks for a fucking stool with a back, give her one. gah!!!

Mary - posted on 01/18/2011

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Loureen, maybe no one HERE has said (or at least admitted) they expect special treatment, but I have encountered MANY who do...particularly in the workforce.
Again, the question is not about basic consideration, manners, or decency; those should be extended to ALL we encounter, pregnant or not.

Years ago, when I still worked in cardiac, a male nurse broke a finger on his non-dominant hand. It was splinted, and he showed up for work, only to be told by employee health that he could not work, and would have to go out on disability. The only way in which this limited his job performance was in the lifting of heavy or bedridden patients. He assumed that this would not be a problem, since there had been numerous pregnant nurses over the years who worked up until delivery. For all of them, in the latter months of their pregnancy, they were either not assigned primary care of the more physically demanding patients, or, when it was necessary to move these people, the rest of us did it for them. They didn't need to go out on disability (which is a reduction in pay). All he needed to continue in his job was this same "concession", which he was denied. He was furious - and I can't say I blame him. When he did return, he was much less willing to help a pregnant co-worker with getting someone out of bed or transferring them to a stretcher. His reply was that if you weren't up to doing all of your job, then you needed to go out on disability until you could.

Another issue that arises in the workplace is when several employees are pregnant at the same time. Perhaps because I work in a female-dominated profession, I see this happen more often than most of you. If an employer has enabled all of us to continue in our jobs by either reducing our workloads, or sifting out the more physically challenging tasks amongst non-pregnant employees, how do you make that work if there are several of them at the same time, without negatively impacting productivity or service? Not to mention, those who must assume the additional workload (for no additional compensation) are not always thrilled to be doing so. It does present a bit of an problem if a precedence has been set which allows pregnant women to continue in their jobs by giving them modified workloads.

[deleted account]

I really felt old when a young man offered me a seat in the tram recently! And no, it wasn't a well-dressed 30-something in a suit, it was a long-haired teenager with his bum hanging out and a raggedy T-shirt!

[deleted account]

Tracey I found that generally men were more helpful in that they offered to help quicker than women but women were more interested (in how my pregnancy was/ is progressing, any problems I've had, sex of baby , when due etc etc) and then offered help after finding out I may need it.

There isn't many places here that have special parking for pregnancy, the larger spaces are usually for mums and babies/ toddlers. I use them because I need to be able to open the door to get to my son out and regular spaces allow people to park too close but if they aren't available I just park at the far end of the car park because it is less likely for people to park next to you (when the place is not busy) and make do the best I can. When I was pregnant with Ethan I once had to wait more than an hour to get into my car because some idiot parked so close to my drivers door I could not physically fit through the gap to get in and because I was pregnant and was having hip issues I couldn't climb over from the passenger side. This particular twat had parked in the supermarket carpark and gone up town so I had no option but to sit in my passenger seat and wait (the shop had no cafe) - I was livid, since then I have been very aware of where I park, if there are bigger spaces available I am going to utilise them...

Tracey - posted on 01/18/2011

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Has anyone found a difference between the way men and women treated them while pregnant? I found men were much more willing to offer help, give up a seat etc whereas women just expected me to get on with it.

[deleted account]

treat a pregnant woman with the respect and courtesy you would treat any woman...pregnant women are not retarded or disabled in anyway...at least thats what i kept saying when i was pregnant

Charlie - posted on 01/17/2011

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I don't think anyone has said they expect it , I think it is common decency to help a fellow person out though or at least I will always offer .
The way people are writing their posts it sounds as if all pregnant women are nothing but a hassle and inconveniance .

It's nice to know what you all would or wouldn't do but the thing is no one woman is the same and there is no way you can tell either way what state they are in or whether or not they expect anything .

So far I've seen a bunch of circumstances thrown around that are basically what if's , and why would they's.

Carolyn - posted on 01/17/2011

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Kate , i do not assume that everyone has an easy pregnancy. I am well aware of the things that can happen in the body for some women during pregnancy.



like i said, I didnt set out to do anything alone, that i couldnt manage alone. so that meaning, if i couldnt carry my groceries from the car into the house, i would wait till i had help to do my groceries, i wouldnt expect the stranger walking down the street or the neighboor i dont really know to come rushing to help me with them. I knew what was involved when i set out to complete my task. basically know my limit and work within it.



So if i had a condition during pregnancy where i couldnt oh say, lift anything over 10 lbs, im not going to go buy a 50lbs bag of dog food by myself and then feel i was hard done by because noone at the store offered to carry it to my car. i'd get the husband to grab it, or ask a relative or friend to pick it up on their way to come visit etc.



to clarify :im pretty sure i said not to get angry with strangers for not offering help. asking for it and being denied help is a different thing.



I guess i see a difference between expecting a stranger to offer help, and asking a staff person who is there to help the public in general anyways.



There were times i asked for help as well, but i didnt get upset when someone did not simply say " oh let me get that for you.



i dont expect the world to know what i need if i dont vocalise it ( ask for it).

Carolyn - posted on 01/17/2011

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kathy you are right, always be polite !



ive actually had this lady argue with me, over my saying "no thank you " as though i was causing my baby harm by lifting something but 20lbs. they would have rather kept me standing there waiting 10 minutes for some stock boy to carry it to the cash... i politely and in a joking way, seriously asked her if the stock boy was going to come home with me and unload it out of my car and bring it into the house too since my husband was at work. She chuckled and realized how silly she was being and let me be on my way. I reminded her that i was only pregnant and not disabled. She realized what she was doing and apologized to me for treating me in such a way after i respectfully told her no thank you.



I never set out to do anything alone, that i couldnt manage to do alone while pregnant.



i also got yelled at as a cashier once for offering to pack groceries for a lady who was in a wheelchair and was clearly having a hard time. She very bluntly told me : I may be in a wheelchair, but when i want help ill ask for it.



really changed my perspective on the whole thing. sometimes your damned if you do and damned if you dont.

[deleted account]

As a corollary to this, don't get angry with anyone whop wants to help. And this applies to all situations, not just during pregnancy. It's a slap in the face if you want to help som eone with their groceries or whatever, and you're told, rudely, "I can do that myself, thank you very much!" If you don't need the assistance, just say so, politely.

[deleted account]

I wasn't trying to say there's anything wrong with using it if it's available, only that it shouldn't be expected :)

Shauna - posted on 01/17/2011

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i was usually tired after working my ass off on my huge swollen feet for 10 hrs a day. I glady accepted the stork parking.

[deleted account]

I far parked the whole time I was pregnant, just like I do when I'm not pregnant. If anything, I thought it was better for me to walk further to get to a store, since I had to stop working when I was 3 months along and wasn't as active. If anything, I noticed that when I was pregnant, people were more accomodating to me on their own. Letting me walk through the door first at Wal Mart, opening doors, offering to help me load my groceries. Two things stick out in my memory more than anything else. I once had an elderly gentleman offer to pump my gas for me, which I graciously refused. I also had a woman in the ladies room ahead of me in line offer to let me have the next stall, which I thanked her profusely as I darted into the stall lol I don't see anything wrong with accepting kindness from the general public when you're pregnant, but to expect it is rude. If you're having a normal, healthy pregnancy? Walk your ass from a normal parking spot. I don't care if it's 90 degrees outside. I was pregnant in July in Florida so I have no sympathy on that one. And if you're not feeling well and you think the heat or cold may get to you? Don't go, or have someone go with you.



Edited to say: I just re-read what I said and don't want anyone to think I'm a harsh bitch or anything lol I do believe that a pregnant woman should be treated with respect and I do agree that it's hard for some women to be pregnant. I've seen pregnant women huffing and puffing and getting short winded just going from the curb to the store. I'm talking about women who EXPECT certain things, like stork parking, that being the easiest example I can think of. They didn't have it at any of the stores in my area and even if they had, I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't have used one.

Shauna - posted on 01/17/2011

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I LOVE STORK PARKING!!!!! not b/c i wasnt capable of walking ... JUST B/C THEY ARE THERE!!!!

ME - posted on 01/17/2011

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I don't actually see why it needs to be "either or"...I had two relatively easy pregnancies...I was fine to keep working a regular job with both, and I did. In fact, I worked 10 hour days at a Maternity store through the Christmas holiday while pregnant with Miles. I quit working about 2 weeks before Miles was born, and about 5 weeks before Mayah was born (the second was longer because of winter break at my college where I teach now). However, I was pregnant and gave birth in the dead of winter. My first was born in a community in the front range of the rocky mts (Colorado) on 2/8/08, and the second in the icy cold winter of Chicago, IL., on 2/22/10. By mid to late January...a closer parking space was MUCH appreciated. Seeing a twenty something young man with no kids "steal" it and then having to park really far away did kind of tick me off...A seat to myself at the front of the bus would have been AWESOME as long as it was possible. If a young person failed to notice that I was standing on my swollen feet rocking and swaying with the movement of the bus, I would have concidered that a bit rude...I don't think pregnant women need or deserve to be coddled, but I also think that society doing something kind for it's expectant mothers doesn't undo the women's rights movement either...

Charlie - posted on 01/17/2011

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Well I had a long post but to cut it short any pregnant woman is worth celebrating in my book , each woman should be given only what she can handle individually .

Look at how others around the world treat their pregnant .

Just one example is Africa .
During the pregnancy, the best foods are reserved for the woman. She is encouraged to rest as often as possible. It is believed that the woman needs to eat for two. The woman is usually assisted with housework and day to day activities by her mother, mother in law or family members. The pregnant woman will receive special attention from the husband The husband will ensure that all her wants and needs are met first . Additionally, strangers tend to do favors for the pregnant woman.
Culture such as those of India, China, Japan, and Africa acknowledge the belly as center of life and as such think that expanded ones signify a person imbued with great spiritual power.

The Philippine culture the pregnant women of that country are said to be of another class and become refereed to as Lolas.



Many eastern countries not only celebrate pregnancy but also weeks after birth unlike western society ,It would seem that they do not revere pregnancy as the rest of the world does , sad in my opinion .

Rosie - posted on 01/17/2011

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i'm still amazed that any pregnant woman can get up and walk 2 miles everyday, lol! props mary! :)

Esther - posted on 01/17/2011

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My only issue with that Mary is that it usually takes a man to get a woman pregnant. However, he suffers no consequences on the job front for his choice, whereas the woman might if she were held to the same standard despite perhaps being somewhat impaired by her pregnancy. I do think that employers should make some allowances for pregnancy. Nothing ridiculous, but certainly anything medically warranted and (especially after years of service) perhaps even a temporary decrease in productivity.

Mary - posted on 01/17/2011

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It's not that I disagree with Loureen's statement that all pregnant are carrying "precious cargo". I firmly believe that.

However, I do think that pregnant women send society mixed signals about how they want to be treated. On one hand, we want the right to either be hired, or keep our present jobs. Some of us will do our full workload, while others will refuse to do some or all of our jobs because of either real or projected limitations related to our pregnant state. This would be fine, if we were willing to accept lesser compensation for doing less of our jobs, but very few of us would find that acceptable.

We want the right to hand out in a bar...but don't you dare chastise us for having a glass of wine with dinner instead of plain water, or eating cheese fries instead of fruits and veggies (all organic of course!).

We want a closer, more convenient parking spot at the mall, but will go home that same night and walk countless circles around our neighborhood in the hopes it might put us in labor.

We want the right to abort our "precious cargo", but we don't want to be lectured if we can't (or won't) take that daily vitamin, or can't completely quit smoking, or live on McDonald's the entire nine months.

I think Iris put it best when she said, "It is special to you and your family, doesn't mean that everyone else should be bathing in your glory...".

Sherri - posted on 01/17/2011

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I think Esther and Krista put it best I feel the same as they do on this one.

[deleted account]

I agree with Loureen.
A fair few of you said that a woman with no complications, healthy pregnancy probably don't need any special treatment. But i have to ask, how would you know if they have complications or not?
With my 1st i worked to 35wks so i was able bodied with no problems but i sure as hell loved it when i was treated like i was carrying special cargo. (which i was)
If there is a pregnant woman on the bus standing while i'm sitting i will give my seat up but that also goes for any one diabled or the elderly.
I hold doors for anyone, i have no limits on who i will help they might be young, old, pregnant, male, female, same age as me and perfectly healthy and i will still hold a door if someone is right behind me. I do get upset though if i don't get so much as a smile or a slight nod of the head or some sign of appreciation But it doesn't stop me from doing it.

Nicole - posted on 01/17/2011

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The reason a pregnant woman should be given a seat on a bus is failry obvious, if she falls there will be serious consequences. The same is the case for elderly people and people with disabilities.

If a woman applies for work and she is near her delivery date, the employer will need to keep that in mind when deciding whether or not to hire her, as she will need to take time off of work when the child is born, and until they start receiving childcare. Communicating with the job applicant about what resources she has in place at that time will help make the decision easier for the hiring staff.

Certain requests should be accomadated if failing to meet those needs will put the pregnant woman in danger (she should be allowed to have a seat on the bus, avoid smoking areas, etc). If she chooses to remain employed somewhere where her safety may be compromised, it is up to her and her employer to determine the risk, and put the proper safety measures in place to minimize that risk.

Charlie - posted on 01/17/2011

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all pregnant women are carrying precious cargo , they should be treated with respect as an individual human being who is fully capable but also with a little fragility .

When I see a pregnant woman on a bus I don't ask her state of pregnancy before offering her a seat , I dont ask for a doctors certificate before picking up her shopping for her , I don't let the door swing shut behind me because she looks healthy enough to open it herself .

It's common decency , I've been pregnant I know how it feels , I can relate .

As for stork parking , great ! I don't need it , I don't have a baby pushing down splitting my hips apart , I don't have a baby threatening to make me piss myself and I certainly don't have a huge tummy to navigate while getting an older , faster toddler out of the car , let the pregnant woman have it and if she wants to work then she is even more deserving of the spot in my eyes those poor tired feet .

[deleted account]

Just for the record, Marina, I was necessarily disagreeing with you. I just wanted to point out that EVERYONE should be treated with respect....the same respect. Maybe if everyone was treated with respect pregnant women wouldn't need to ask for special treatment? I dunno...

If I noticed someone drop something I would offer to help them get it whether they were pregnant or old or whatever.

Becky - posted on 01/17/2011

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I kind of agree with Kati on this one. While I don't necessarily see a normal, healthy pregnancy as a disability, it does make you more vulnerable. If you slip and fall on ice or fall when the bus lurches, you yourself are more vulnerable to injury and of course, the baby you're carrying is at risk. So, in the winter, I take the stork parking spaces gladly, whether I'm having any pregnancy complications or not (that's when I'm pregnant) because the parking lots are icy and the less of them I have to walk accross, the better. If I can get a seat on the bus, I'll definitely take it. Although I never take the bus anyways because it's gross. I don't expect special treatment but at the same time, it does bother me when a young, able-bodied person has no consideration towards me or another obviously pregnant person. The thing that really bothered me when I was pregnant was when we'd be waiting in a busy restaurant and the seats in the waiting area were full. It was always an elderly man who needed the seat far worse than I did who would get up and offer me his seat, never one of the younger patrons. I always hoped they felt just a little bit ashamed of themselves when the elderly man got up to offer the pregnant woman a seat. And because of that -well, and because I most likely would anyways- when I am not pregnant, or a woman farther along and more uncomfortable looking than I am needs a seat, I'll always offer mine to her.
And I don't think pregnant women, or anyone else, should be discriminated against.

Amy - posted on 01/17/2011

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I always leave those "Expecting and mothers with toddlers" parking spaces open. Someone else could really need it. I do just fine. I have two children 4,2yrs and am pregnant. I am not in pain or broken, so I park farther out. I think it's healthy for me to have extra exercise. Do I expect help? nope. Do I allow people to help me, sure!!! I understand some companies not wanting to hire a pregnant woman. You aren't sure if she'll stay or not after birth, yet you'd still have to pay out money for maternity leave. It's more of a financial call and personal call for them. I WAS considered a bit disabled as an employee. I was not to lift things that were a certain weight due to pregnancy. There were certain things I couldn't be around, or others would offer. the parking lots were slippery after Bible study and another woman asked if I wanted to hook arms with her in case I started to fall. Now, I could be all "I am woman, hear me roar" but, I'd look awfully silly and feel really bad if I ended up on my fanny - or worse, belly. I don't think it's necessary to coddle or cocoon, but it sure is nice. However, I think we should all see pregnant women and treat them with utmost respect because she's carrying a new life.

Mary - posted on 01/17/2011

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Kati, for many of us, pregnancy is NOT a temporary disability, though. It would have been really hard for me to argue that I was disabled, even at the end of m pregnancy. I walked two large dogs 2 miles the day before I delivered my daughter...if I could do that, as well as continue to work 12hrs shifts in a job that had me running my (admittedly larger) ass off caring for OTHER pregnant women, it's kinda hard to say that I needed a closer spot at Target.

Was I more tired at the end of the day? Well, of course. I was markedly more uncomfortable, and sick to death of throwing up 3 or 4 times every day, but I wouldn't even remotely describe myself as disabled. It was nice when someone offered to give me a seat, or helped me carry that 50lb bag of dog food out to the car for me, but I was able to do it myself with just a little more effort (I will confess that for the 3 or 4 weeks I had sciatica, I did make the hubby do that!); however, I neither demanded not expected it. After all, the cashier at Petco who didn't offer may have just returned from having back surgery, for all I knew, instead of just being a lazy, inconsiderate shit.

For the large majority of women, pregnancy is not a disability, merely an altered state of health. I agree with Esther, Krista, and others; good manners and consideration are ALWAYS appreciated whether pregnant or not. I, however, did not feel like random strangers, or even my employer or co-workers, owed me any additional considerations because I was pregnant.

Rosie - posted on 01/17/2011

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so the person with the broken legs on crutches shouldn't have anyone protect their rights? i totally don't see how anyone doesn't see pregnancy as a temporary disability. there is obviously many a things wrong with a pregnant woman, that makes it so she is not her normal self.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/17/2011

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Yes, but a big pregnant belly is obvious enough to go out of someones way to be helpfu. I open doors, given up many seats, help people to there cars, bought homeless food, shoveled elderly driveways, all of this without being asked. I am saying that a pregnant person defiately in my opinion deserves all of this and more. I did not get special treatment...do I feel I should have? Would have been nice.

Jodi - posted on 01/17/2011

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Again, I think most of these things come down to common decency. I pick things up for people even if they're younger, skinnier, without a child in tow etc etc. I guess I just come from the mindset of, I'm pregnant, not disabled. I can still do my day to day tasks (well, this time i can't, but it's modified bed rest for a reason) and everything else. Just because someone *appears* healthy and problem free, they may not be. SOOOO many people have heart conditions, joint problems, back problems, illnesses that don't show physically. I think we need to be treating everyone as if we're healthier than them and showing this respect for one other by holding doors, offering seats, picking up dropped items, etc etc etc. I don't think common decency should be mistaken for special treatment of a certain group of people. but, that''s just my opinion.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/17/2011

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I was pointing out that specific circumstance with the door becouse I felt that me being pregnant was MORE of a reason to hold the door...yes he should have in the first place...but I was trying to make a point...

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/17/2011

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You are right Dana, everyone should be treated with common courtesy,...but do I think a pregnant women should be treated with maybe a little more kindness and empathy than the average women with no obvious hinderances??? Sure I do. Can a 8 month pregnant women bend over and pick up what she just dropped?? Chances are, she can't even see the darn thing...but mostlikely she will manage to....if I see a pregant women struggling with everyday issues, i am surely going to go out of my way to help. Most likely the average healthy person is not going to struggle like a pregnant women.

Jodi - posted on 01/17/2011

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I'm with Dana, my first thought was, who cares if you were pregnant? He should have held the door open regardless of who you are or what condition you're in. I hold the door open, and not just for pregnant, elderly, or women with children, it's just common courtesy. That isn't a pregnant thing IMO.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/17/2011

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@ Jodi, no one knows if you are having complications just by looking at you....but they can see the pregnancy bulge. I think that is enough to warrant some special treatment. Like, for instance, I was pushing my son in a stoller 8 months preggo, and the dude going into the same store I was going into...looked at me...hurried to the door...looked behind him to see how close I was...decided I was not close enough to hold the door open for me, and kept walking...what a douche. He had no idea that I wasn't right behind him becouse it was so damn painful to walk...he just didn't have enough empathy to hold a door for a preggo with a child in a stroller.

I think women that are pregnant should be treated well. Pregnancy only lasts for 9 months (a hard 9 months at that) and then we are taking care of an infant...very hard work....why not give pregnant women some slack?

Rosie - posted on 01/17/2011

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you know how i feel on this mary, lol! when you are pregnant your body is NOT the same as it is when you are not pregnant. there is no if's ands or buts about it. you make crazy hormones that do all sorts of fucked up things to your body from making your joints more relaxed, to making you an emotional, forgetful wreck. you have 50% more blood circulating throughout your body and your body has to work THAT much harder to circulate all that blood through out your body. all this while carrying around (in my case) 70 extra pounds.



i feel a pregnant woman should get special treatment for that. there is something medically different about her, i feel a pregnant woman is temporarily disabled. she should have reasonable accomadations met for her. i, much like kate, got fucked over royally at my job with a seat issue. i had a DOCTORS NOTE stating i needed to sit on a chair with a back. i'd suffered through 2 other pregnancies with a damn stool that they'd given me, and i wasn't going too do it again. they refused. i called about this to some government branch that dealt with discrimination cause it's BULLSHIT, and they told me that since my job offers a stool, to everyone that has a doctors note to sit that they didn't have to give me one with a back on it. they were treating all the "disabled" the same.

i don't see where any undue hardship is caused to a company, by having a pregnant worker who HAS A DOCTORS NOTE have a chair with a fucking back.



as for being allowed to be in a bar, why not? are people on crutches allowed in bars? wheelchairs? of course they are. so should a pregnant woman.

Jodi - posted on 01/17/2011

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In a normal, healthy, uncomplicated pregnancy, the woman should not expect any special treatment. If you're able to work and live your life normally like you did before you got pregnant, then don't expect anything.

I second the sentiment, that's it's just good manners to offer your seat to anyone not as able bodied as yourself, like the elderly, pregnant, someone with canes etc etc.

My first pregnancy I felt GREAT, it was a wonderful pregnancy, I gave my seat up at different places to the elderly because I felt so good and didn't need to sit so much. This pregnancy, I have a disabled parking pass from my OB because I can't walk long distances at this point, I would ask someone to give up their seat if I had to because I really can't stand very long at all anymore and I have the bag boys (or girls) carry my groceries out to my car for me. I hate it, I'm an independant person, but I am very physically limited in what I'm allowed to do this time around.

All that being said, whether you need certain concessions or not, whether you ultimately expect special treatment or not (deserved or not), NO ONE deserves to be discriminated against, elderly, fat, pregnant, male, female, black, white or anyone else. We're pregnant, not mental incapacitated, we can still make decisions for ourselves, from working, to socializing, to diet. I DARE anyone to take those rights away from me.

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I don't think that a woman with a normal, healthy, uncomplicated pregnancy should EXPECT any special treatment.

If I was 7 months pregnant and visibly pregnant and someone kindly offered me their seat on the bus, I certainly wouldn't say no, however! ;)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/17/2011

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I feel that pregnant women have the right to decide for themselves if they want to work, or anything else. Just cause some preggers can work and be on there feet all day, does not mean that all can.

I had very difficult pregnancies with both of my kids, and there is no way I could have held a job with my second. I was so greatful for the "mother's parking becouse of how swollen my legs were, and how painful I was to walk due to Seperated Symphisis Pubis, and my varicose veins. I was a mess.

I will continue to open doors for preggos, and give up my seats. Pregncancy is hard no matter how tough of a cookie you are!

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