How soon is TOO soon to date?

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/06/2010 ( 30 moms have responded )

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Many kids get crushes as early as 1st grade….
And some don’t see the opposite sex in that way until they are teens but for the ones that do….

How early will you LET your son or daughter date…

And what would you truly do if they came home at 9 or 10 saying they liked a boy or a girl who they wanted to date??

Or maybe you will cross that bridge when you get their?

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ME - posted on 11/08/2010

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Niether of my children will be allowed to date until they are at least 15, but i will assess them individually as the time approaches. I wasn't socially, psychologically, or emotionally prepared to date until well into my teens...I was lucky that my parents recognized this, or I could have been hurt pretty badly. I hope to do the same for my own children!

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Jennifer - posted on 11/08/2010

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i think we'll cross that bridge when we get there (my son is only just turning a year old) but i can't imagine letting a child date before high school (14-15ish).

Desiree - posted on 11/08/2010

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If my husband has anything to do with it His daughter will date when she is 65 and he is dead a buried.... so she is going to have to wait a Loooooong while she is only 12.

Stifler's - posted on 11/07/2010

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I don't want to make a big deal of dating. I don't want to be like OMG YOU CAN DATE NOW and then they want to date and no one asks them out.

Amie - posted on 11/07/2010

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We've crossed this bridge, sort of. Our oldest is 10 and in grade 5. There are more than a few girls who go through "boyfriends" like crazy.



Our oldest has had boys come to the house. We had one boy so smitten with her he sat, in our yard, for 2 hours waiting for her to come home from one of her activities. Poor kid, I kind of felt sorry for him. She shot him down with a firm, I'm too young to date! We can be friends but I don't want that yet. LOL! That's my girl. =)



She does know that she will not be allowed to date until we tell her she can. As in go out alone with a boy. Kids will have "boyfriends" or "girlfriends" whether their parents want them to or not. Most don't fully understand the entire concept of dating so we mostly ignore it. (Like our son and neighbors daughter, they're 6 and 5. they've been "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" for the last 3 years LOL Ever since they moved in across the street) Our oldest does understand but we have an open relationship with her and I don't hide much from her. She will eventually be old enough to have real dates and real boyfriends, probably sooner than I'm willing to think about right now. I have resigned myself to being the sane, calm parent when this happens though. I know my husband won't be, he already about strokes at the mention of boys. If I wanted to put an age to it, I'd guess somewhere between 14-16. It all depends on her, as well as the boy she brings home. We will meet this potential boy before we ever say, Ok you can go on a date as well. It's not just her we need to worry about but the other half of any "relationship".

Stifler's - posted on 11/07/2010

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Yeah probably, but I'd rather know they were dating than ban dating then have them doing it behind my back without the option of going on the pill etc.

Jodi - posted on 11/07/2010

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"I would rather them tell me they were going out with someone so I could have a talk to them about sex etc. than them act like they aren't into boys/girls and me not worry about it or assume they aren't getting into mischief."

Wouldn't you have already had the sex talk at that point? You don't have the sex talk when they show interest in boys or girls, you have the sex talk anyway before they hit puberty. At least, that's what makes sense to me.

Nikkole - posted on 11/07/2010

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I was 16 when i was allowed to go out and date i met my husband when i was 14 but we had to stay at my house and hang out there

Becky - posted on 11/07/2010

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Well, at 9 or 10, I wouldn't allow them to go anywhere without adult supervision anyways, so dating would be out of the question. Playdates, maybe, but they'd be in open areas with supervision, no playdates in the bedroom with a closed door!
I will cross that bridge when I come to it, but right now, my thought is, nothing without adult supervision before age 12/13 and up until 15 or 16 (probably when they can drive) only group dates. I can't stop them from calling a girl their girlfriend, but I can monitor what they're doing together.

Stifler's - posted on 11/07/2010

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I would rather them tell me they were going out with someone so I could have a talk to them about sex etc. than them act like they aren't into boys/girls and me not worry about it or assume they aren't getting into mischief.

JuLeah - posted on 11/07/2010

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I'd find out what 'date' means to them and ask why they want to date. Some girls and boys are under the impression they can't be friends, are not allowed to be friends, so they feel if they want to hang out, they must 'date'
Some kids think it is grown up, and want to be grown up (Don't ask me why)
I know a 2nd grader who wears a bra. Does she need one? No, but wears one and calls herself a woman.
She dates.
I will allow my daughter to hang out with a groups of friends long before I'd allow her to hang out with a guy alone.
Keep in mind however, all you open minded mothers, I was not allowed to hang out with boys my age. I was allowed to hang out alone with girls and even have sleep overs, as was my girlfriend Jennifer.
So, just cause you are not allowing tme to see the oppsite sex, doesn't mean they are not dating.
I overheard my mother tell her friends how lucky she felt having me as a daughter. I was not even expressing an interest in boys at age 14 and she said she was so happy she never had to worry about me.

Jodi - posted on 11/07/2010

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I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I think every kid is different. We dropped my step-daughter off at the movies for a date when she was about 15. She met her current boyfriend when she was about 16 1/2 and they have been together for 2 years now. That works for me. My son is 13 and I wouldn't consider him ready to be on a date with anyone yet. I guess I'll just judge the situation for each kid when it arrives :)

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I started going on group dates when I was about 11...I was "going out" with that boy for about 4 years in total in the end but hardly ever went out with him lol. It was one of those schoolyard crushes lmao and the first boy i kissed! I'd probably allow my children to go on those sorts of things a) when they feel ready but also I won't be letting them to go out by themselves until they are about 11 or 12.

Leah - posted on 11/07/2010

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Wow its weird to think of my kids dating! But in general agree with the rest of you and will allow them the freedom that they deserve/earn. Wow that sounds so nazi like lmao. If they prove to me they can be responsible, they are allowed on chaperoned group dates by 10-11, unchaperoned group dates by 13-14, and to date date by 15-16. As for 17+, depending on the sitation (my mind just wandered to the '16 and pregnant' thread lol) they are free to go where they like (to a degree) as long as they are home by curfew. God, why can't they stay little forever :(

Petra - posted on 11/07/2010

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Realistically, kids are going to be "going out" at school and playing kissing games at parties by around 11 - 13 years old, and once you hit junior high/high school, dating gets a bit more physical and meaningful. So I think the "group date" with some sort of chaperone could work up until around 13, depending on your kid and their social circle. I started real dating at 12 and had my first long relationship at 13 and my parents didn't like it, but gave me the trust and the freedom to do it. We would have movie nights and had to leave the door open, that sort of thing. Not all kids are ready for that at 13, but some certainly are. My partner and I are going to try to be realistic about it... expecting our boy to not date until 16 (unless he's really immature) just doesn't seem practical considering how old we were when we became interested in dating.

Jessica - posted on 11/07/2010

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I really have no idea, I think that will be a bridge I cross when I get to it. But just off the top of my head, I think 15 or so for "actual" dating. I know kids can have crushes and sometimes pretend to have boyfriends/girlfriends younger than that, and I'd be willing to let my sons have have sort of "group dates" younger than that... but that isn't really dating, its more just hanging out...

I was interested in boys from a young age, but I was so socially inept that I had no interaction with them until high school really.

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Emma, you just reminded me of my first boyfriend. We were in kindergarten (age 5) and our "dates" were him walking home with me from school and letting me sit on his bike while he pushed me around.

Stifler's - posted on 11/07/2010

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DATING at and before age 11 is usually like... coming over after school for an hour or to the movies, holding hands, maybe kissing usually with other people in tow. I wouldn't really care when they wanted to start dating to tell the truth, they'll just be holding hands and "going out" at school anyway like I was in year 3.

[deleted account]

I think it honestly depends on the child and who they want to date. I think 13 is early enough to start going on group dates. If they came home earlier than that saying they wanted to date, I'd have to respectfully decline and tell them to wait. I'm lucky, both of my kids (8 and 11) don't seem to have any romantic interest in the opposite sex. Although I guess I should start searching for that perfect baseball bat for behind the door xD

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They can date when they are 16 and they already know this (well, my son doesn't, but he's only 2). My girls will be 9 next month and have been liking, chasing, and trying to kiss/torture boys since they were 5-6. They are very well supervised and will be for as long as possible.

Amanda - posted on 11/06/2010

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Well I have a 7 year old and he is infatuated with my friends little girl who is also 7! They say they are boyfriend and girlfriend but the most they do is play together when she comes over which is maybe once a week! But as far as him actually dating!! I don't think he will actually start dating until about 14, and my daughters will be 16. Depends on their individual maturity level. I'll get there when that happens!

Bonnie - posted on 11/06/2010

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I think 15 is a nice age. Although I have boys. If I had a girl, I would probably say different.

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I think I'll cross that bridge when I get to it! My son's only 3 but here's what I THINK I'll do (subject to change without notice anytime I see fit in the future lol). I'd do the group, supervised "dates". Maybe me and my husband can get with the girl's parents and sorta do a "triple date" at a kid friendly place like Chuck E Cheese or something. Go to the movies. Rollerskating. Wait, do kids still go skating?

Krista - posted on 11/06/2010

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I would consider group dates in 7th grade to be reasonable, with "date" dates when they're...I don't know, 15? It depends on my kid, who he's hanging out with, and his maturity level, really.

Rosie - posted on 11/06/2010

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i'm thinking age 14. not sure, but that's about when i started getting interested in boys. i'll have to think real hard about it when the time comes, if it's before that. it all depends on the situation i guess.

Serena - posted on 11/06/2010

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I'd prefer my sons wait until middle school at least but I think the youngest I would agree to is 6th grade. If things haven't changed since I was that age (which we won't mention how many years ago that really was) it just means going on group dates or hanging out at the mall all day. But as soon as their grades fell...the girlfriend is the first thing to go.
My daughter on the other hand is not allowed to date until she is married! (LOL)

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/06/2010

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My son is almost 8 and he has a crush on a girl at school (Jenny is her name)…

He has already said.. “I think im going to fall in love with her,” in a dreamy voice…

Part of me thought awww how cute, and then the reality set in that my son will want to date!!…And will come to me at some point in time and tell me so…

So I was thinking what if he was 10 and wanted to date someone…what would I tell him??

He too young
You have plenty of time to date
Hell no your not dating!!…ever

And then I came to the conclusion that I will compromise with him (If he comes to me before the allotted age)

He can go on chaperoned group outings, until the age of 13 or 14 when he can have a girlfriend…or maybe 16

But then again…I may change my mind…dunno?

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