How to deal with kids bullying your kids in your face!?!

Tina - posted on 12/31/2012 ( 50 moms have responded )

34

0

0

I was at a chick fil a the other week and some little girl (prolly 3 or 4) was taunting my baby (ok, he's 22 months).

my kid is addicted to shoes and was just trying on her shoes. she starts screaming in his face. ALL in his face. my boy is just staring at her, he's NEVER seen anything like that. she was like an animal. I had to go in and tell her to stop. while i see the parents just staring at me and their little crazie.
THEN, after my kid is minding his business, she goes up to him, and put her fist in his face. like she's a parent trying to show whos boss. and she walks up to him putting her chest out like saying shes bigger. I had to walk in AGAIN and tell her to stop. I then walked over to the parents (yes, to make a scene) and asked if they see their kid. I said she shouldnt be acting like that. i totally recapped what just happened and said somethings not right there. told em they were teaching her wrong. LOL. they got her and broght her to their table... didnt say a damn word to me. nothing.

was i out of line!?!?! what would you do !?!?

then the other day at a party my kid wanted to play basketball with the bigger kids, and the other ones )prolly 4 or 5) were pushing him away.. i just told em not to push him, but still, what the heck is going on with children nowadays!?!?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jenny - posted on 01/04/2013

842

5

24

was i out of line!?!?! what would you do !?!?

To answer the first one, maybe you were out of line, but I forgive you because it seems like you're a first time mum and until your child reaches age 3 and you realise that he can still act like a total brat even though you've taught him better, you yourself don't know better.
When I was a first time mum I also had awfully high expectations of my son and of other kids. You learn as you go along.

As to what I would do, and what I actually HAVE done? There have been plenty times that my little kid wanted to touch other kids shoes at an indoor play ground. As soon as I could see he was heading for them, I would go up to him, pick him up and tell him no, then place him next to some toys to redirect him. Why? Not because its a crazy thing for a 1 year old to want to touch other peoples shoes, but because I personally found it a bit weird to let him play with other kids shoes. Why? Because they were likely dirty, and I didn't know the kid so did not want to unintentionally create tension by letting my kid touch another kids things.

And then again, if I saw a 3 year old kid scream in my kids face, I would quickly go up to them and grab my kid out of the way and to safety. The fact is that some parents just don't step up and parent their kids, so I wouldn't even wait for her parents to have intervened, I would have just removed my child from that situation. And sure it would have raised the over protective mama bear in me and I may have said a thing or two to the other kid about leaving my kid alone and not screaming in his face, but this would be my emotions running wild and I would have felt bad later for most likely scaring the 3 year old.

You talk about your kid like he isn't still a baby. I don't care how tall he is and if he's as tall as a 5 year old! He's still got the brain of a 22 month old. He's not even 2! Its so strange to hear you talk about a 1 year old that can play basket ball! Like kids that are twice his age should know that a 1 year old can play basket ball and just give him a chance. Give me a break. And please post up a you tube clip for me to see just how good your 22 month old can play basket ball. Name it "22 month old baby genius can play basket ball like a 5 year old."

Again, I would have just moved my 22 month old out of the way of a basket ball game and like another lady said on here, I would sit with him by the side lines and explain to him what's going on and tell him when his bigger he can play like those kids are playing too.

If only you could skip ahead 2 years (probably would also help if you add another baby into the mix) and then look back and see how you were overeating to a 3 year old.

Do you also not understand that kids MIRROR parental behavior? Things don't always need to be taught to be learnt and some times kids take on your worst habits. How do you know that the 3 year old didn't came from a broken family with drunk angry parents who would scream and throw their fist in her face to get her to behave? If I saw a 3 year old do that, I would wonder what life is like for her at home and have some sympathy.

Dove - posted on 01/03/2013

5,749

0

1336

And...

*do you remember when your child was around two and they loved to play with shoes? You don’t have pictures of him running around in your huge shoes on their little feet?

OUR shoes? Sure. Some random little kid's shoes? Nope.

*Do u also remember trying to take something he became so fond of away??

Yep. Sucks, but a BIG part of being a parent is letting your child know that they can't always have and do what they want.

*it wasn’t hurting anyone, It wasn’t a situation to get mad over. Its very ridiculous and a huge over reaction to start a fight over some measly shoes.

Pretty sure the OWNER of the shoes was telling you otherwise.

*don’t u think kids should learn to act NORMAL at a young age then correct bad actions as they age??

Yep... and touching things that don't belong to you w/out permission of the owner is a bad action and not normal behavior.

Sorry to spell it out for you.... for a third time... but you are missing the point entirely. No one on here has ever said that the little girl's behavior was acceptable. Just that, given the circumstances, it was understandable. You can't parent other people's kids, but you CAN parent your own... and teach him to respect other people's belongings and other people's space.... or you can raise a spoiled brat that thinks he's entitled to do whatever the heck he wants cuz Mommy will always jump to his defense regardless of what he's doing.

Kristi - posted on 01/02/2013

1,355

3

78

There is a big difference between helicoptering and supervising. I think you need to reevaluate methodology.

Your child was acting like a curious 2 year old and the other children were acting/responding like just like many other children their age. Taking someone else's property (shoes, toys, sippy cups) without permission is inappropriate as is screaming wildly in someone's face and pushing. Those are all normal behaviors that need to be corrected by parents. That is not helicoptering, that's teaching.

Little kids don't always get to play with big kids...and that doesn't change until they are grown and out of the house. That's life, it ain't fair...get used to it.

It is great that you want him to be independent and to learn and explore but he's not even 2. There's only so much he should be allowed to do on his own just for safety's sake. Call me over protective but I wouldn't even leave my daughter alone in the tub at 22 months.

Think about how defensive and agitated you are by what you perceive to be our unreasonable, judgemental comments next time you are about to judge or criticize a 4 year old. My point is, that sometimes we all need to be a little more patient, understanding, helpful and open minded and a lot less judgemental and so quick to blame others. That goes for people from 1-100.

Dove - posted on 12/31/2012

5,749

0

1336

You don't have much parenting experience, do you? You are letting your kid do things to another kid's belongings and interfering with other kids' games that don't want him around.... and then you are griping about the natural consequences to your kid thinking he has the right to mess around with whatever he wants.

You don't have to 'teach' kids to put a fist in someone's face or to push another kid. That is actually natural instinctual behaviors. Some kids won't ever do it..... but some kids are practically born doing it.

Sorry... I'm sure you were posting to get other people to tell you that you are right and these other kids were just horrible brats, but it's not going to happen. Their behavior certainly wasn't right, but you letting your son interfere where he clearly wasn't wanted and then complaining about the repercussions of that... well, they are preschoolers. What's your excuse?

Jodi - posted on 12/31/2012

25,983

36

3891

So you don't want to be a helicopter parent, and you want him to be independent, but you have a problem with him experiencing the consequences of putting some stranger's shoes on and have to intervene?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

50 Comments

View replies by

Shawnn - posted on 01/08/2013

8,538

21

1997

Quoting Tina "It's a chid-fil-a, have u been"***Nope, nor will I ever be there! The food is horrible IMO, and so is the sanitation! That being said, what's your point...that you are "unable" to supervise your child in order to parent him when you are at that venue? Oh, and my kids were about the same size yours is...so, just because he's "bigger" than the average 2 yo, you've taught him that he can do/have anything he wants? Another invalid response, my dear.

You do not seem to see the point that we are all making! YOU CANNOT PARENT OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN. YOU CAN ONLY CORRECT YOUR OWN AND MOVE FORWARD.

You seem to think that, because the shoes were "right there" that your son was not in the wrong for trying them. You fail to see the point that those shoes were NOT his, nor was he invited to play with them! You are pointing out that, because he's "special" (he's bigger than others his age, etc) that he should have everything the way he wants.

You are not teaching your son how to properly interact in ANY situation, and you are not doing him any favors by trying to make everyone ELSE out to be the bad guy here.

Perhaps, just perhaps, when you have more than one, you'll realize that there's nothing especially "special" about our little ones. All are precious, all are blessings, and no one is more "special" than any other, regardless of size, development, or intelligence.

Cecilia - posted on 01/07/2013

1,380

16

425

Also, I forgot to mention. If the 5 year olds allowed him to play baseball and he got hurt by them being normal 5 year old rough housing boys- you would be mad at them for that.

So you want them to allow him to play with them and modify how they play to accommodation him. Older kids like being older kids and playing with older kids.

Even if your son does play as well as you say he does, he is not blocking a 5 year old off a base without getting hurt.

Aleks - posted on 01/07/2013

546

0

46

I wonder whether cultural differences may be playing a part in why the OP is having a hard time accepting the opinions of this issue from others.

If the OP was coming from a culture where the personal possessions were not as "personal" perhaps due to living in a small village in a non-western country and most people knew eachother or of eachother, these types of things may then be considered a "non-issue" (ie, a little kid just trying/playing with someone elses shoes). Same goes for playing with older kids basketball (although, seriously, every 22mth old I have known and seen is still unsteady on their feet, let alone able to catch a ball -highly unusual - and throw it in a basket... so the mum's assessment skills of her own son are quite delusional, I believe), or any other game... where in such a social environment as I have just outlined above, most kids would know eachother and probably would have been forced to hang out together, in all age brackets, therefore, being more used to accepting smaller members of the community joining in...

However, I do agree with just about every other poster and their recommendations here, especially if the OP is now living in the western society, and needs to make allowences and adjustments to fit in successfully.

Cecilia - posted on 01/06/2013

1,380

16

425

I have to agree with the other's, Don't let your baby wear other people's shoes.

Beyond that realize you can't control other people's kids. You can only control yours.

Many times we've gone to the park. Older kids don't pay attention when playing and will play rough. when that happens i don't scream at parents. I tell my daughter we're going to go now and get some ice cream instead. If we notice the park has cleared some after ice cream we might return to play for a little while.

Celeste - posted on 01/06/2013

3,046

30

870

I have 3 kids, and I agree with the other ladies. I also think you have high expectations for little kids. Three was a tough age for us. They do things that even though we have taught them, they'll still do them.

I don't let my kids wear other stranger's shoes. Friends' shoes? Sure, if they give their permission. And there are going to be many many MANY times that you're going to have to take something away from them that they love. That's just part of being a parent.

If I were in the situation (and I have been), I'd remove them from the situation.

I am NOT perfect and I'm still learning (my boys are 6 and my daughter is 10), but I hope you take a step back and read the posts and read what the majority of experienced moms are telling you..

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/06/2013

18,889

9

3002

Clearly you are not reading posts for what they are, and no I do not let my kids try on random peoples shoes. They have NEVER tried outside the home. I think everything is quite lost on you.

Kristi - posted on 01/04/2013

1,355

3

78

Well, I stand corrected...Jenny just offered some other very interesting and valuable insights. Very well said, Jenny!

Kristi - posted on 01/04/2013

1,355

3

78

Well Tina, I really don't think there is much else than can be said. Apparently you think we are all the crazies so I guess you might as well stick with your straight A book smarts and the friends that try on your heels. We are ladies from around the globe saying the same thing so maybe it's an international conspiracy against you. That's the only thing I can come up with as to why you think the way you do about our advice. Good luck to you.

Jessica - posted on 01/04/2013

15

0

0

I wouldnt have let my son touch anyone shoes in the first place.
If my children was being bully for nothing,
I would calmly go up to her and tell her that my son is just a baby and tell her why it is not ok (i have had to do this a couple of times). I would try my best to keep my son away from her. If none of that works, i would let her parents knows calmly

Also i wouldnt let him go up to kids playing basketball unless he knew them

Dove - posted on 01/04/2013

5,749

0

1336

*I've never heard of that “natural reaction”… is that like the gripping reflex or the raking reflex or the pretend stepping when they're infants?? Which psychologist did you hear this “natural reaction” from Dove? Was it Howes? Erikson? Freud? Braum? PLEASE, enlighten me more with your child behaviorist theories .
i A’ced child development, psychology and human development courses in college by the way. You wanna talk theories. Try me.

Nope. It's just what I've learned by watching kids while doing childcare for the past 18 years... 11 of those as a parent. It's called REAL LIFE experience and babysitting and book learning is a world of difference from actually raising a kid. From everything you've posted.... you are a self entitled woman who is raising a self entitled kid... Good luck w/ that. If you can't SEE the issues here.... There's no point in trying to explain them to you.

You never studied about how toddlers/preschooler are very territorial creatures (you know... like w/ their shoes)? I'm surprised.....

Denikka - posted on 01/04/2013

2,160

5

748

At about the same age (18mo to 2yrs) my son went through the same stage of LOVING shoes. He would try on any shoes within his reach at any time.
You know what I did. I made him ask permission. I made him ask my FRIENDS, people who were inside my house, for permission to try on their shoes. He was allowed to do whatever with his shoes or mommy and daddy's shoes. But anyone else, he had to ASK.
Honestly, I'd be kinda ticked if I saw some random kid trying on my kids shoes. I don't know where your sons feet have been. For all *I* know about you (which is NOTHING), his socks are smeared with dog crap...and now he's putting them into MY kids shoes. No thank you.

I do not let my kids (now almost 4 and almost 2) just go over and grab toys that other kids have brought to the park or touch anything that doesn't belong to them. I make them ask permission to use or touch anyone else's things. ALWAYS. That is common courtesy.

And honestly, had I seen your son trying on my kids shoes, and you not stepping in and dealing with it in any way, I probably would not have stepped in either (until the point where violence was threatened, and I would be watching like a hawk) when my kid went over to deal with it either. In my case, my kid would have probably yelled at yours, snatched back the shoes, and possibly knocked your son down. While I would take my child aside afterwards, to explain that that was wrong and he should not scream/grab/hit etc and my kid may have ended up in time out, I would assume that you were parenting from natural consequences. So, that's a natural consequence.

As for being pushed away from a basketball game by the bigger kids, my kids are less than 2 years apart (22mo actually) and you know what, sometimes my son doesn't want to play with his sister. And you know what...I don't force him to. In elementary school, the grade 7's (12-13 yrs) generally didn't want to play sports with the kids who were just a grade or two younger. Not everyone is going to love and cater to your child all the time. Not everyone is going to want to play with him. There is a HUGE difference in the mentality of a 5yr old and the mentality of a BABY who isn't even 2 yet.
In a situation like that, I wouldn't even allow my son to go play with kids who were that much older who had an established game. At best, I would ask if my son (or get my son to ask for himself at this age) could play with them for a little while (instead of letting him just barge in), and then I would be keeping a close eye out for any signs of irritation on the part of the older kids.
I wouldn't force a group of 9 or 10yr olds I didn't know (and probably not even the ones I knew) to play with my 4 or 5 yr old when they didn't want to.
I think it's exceptionally rude to force any child on a group of other children, no matter whether they're the same age or if there's a gap. Ask, sure, when it's appropriate. But allowing your child to essentially run in and interrupt what other kids are doing is just plain out rude.

Mary - posted on 01/04/2013

3,348

31

119

Tina, unless you start teaching your child how to leave another kid's stuff alone, he is going to be a very lonely and unpopular little boy.

Not one single person in this thread has said that this girl's behavior shouldn't have been addressed by her parents. However, EVERY mother in this thread has agreed that your son should have been (immediately) corrected by you when he took her shoes. Why can you not see this? Yes, it is perfectly normal for a 2 y/o to see something that appeals to them and just grab it. No one is arguing that his behavior isn't "normal" or age appropriate. What we are ALL saying is that the appropriate PARENTAL action in this situation is for you to tell him no, and then redirect his attention. Kids his age want to touch and take all kinds of things; they need to be taught that they cannot just have whatever they want. After all, what would your response be if it was a shiny knife, a rust nail, or shoe discarded in the middle of park because it was covered in dog shit? I most sincerely hope that at some point, you would step in and correct this "normal" behavior.

Like it or not, this really is about his safety. If you don't start teaching him limits, one day there is going to be a kid who hauls off and wails on him. I am not saying that it would be okay - I'm just telling you that this is reality. You might also want to realize that because your son is bigger, other children and parents will think that he is older, and will therefore treat him like a 3 or 4 y/o, and expect him to have the social skills of child that age. My 4 y/o is pretty good about being "gentle" and more accommodating of "babies", but if she encountered a 2 y/o that was as tall as her, and weighed 3lbs more than she did, she would assume he was her social equal, and treat him accordingly. How could she possibly know that he wasn't her age? For that matter, how do YOU know that the little girl in CFA wasn't just a big 2 y/o?

You are obviously new to this parenting thing, and have a LOT to learn about how to navigate public play with multi-age kids and their parents that you do not know well, if at all. If you don't let go of all of this defensiveness and unrealistic expectations, you and your child are going to be very isolated and unpopular.

Jodi - posted on 01/04/2013

25,983

36

3891

" I was actually looking for a response for how people would deal"

People gave you that advice. You have just chosen to ignore it.

Jodi - posted on 01/04/2013

25,983

36

3891

"a two year who tries on shoes is crazy? "

LOL, who said the 2 year old was crazy? You are the only one who has used that term in relation to your child. No-one else did. You really like to twist words don't you?

Quite honestly, Tina, no-one here was condemning you. You asked if you were out of line and what others would do. Read your own OP. And when others said no, they would have done it differently, YOU lashed out.

Don't ask a question if you don't want the answer. If you are looking for validation, this is not the place for it.

"you all think im some sort of unsupervising, negligent, unintelligent parent all because i feel a little girl shouldnt behave like that "

Show me where anyone said the little girl should behave like that or anyone said you were an unsupervising, negligent, unintelligent parent. All I've seen is people agreeing that a little girl that age will often behave like that because it is normal, but that doesn't make it ok.....but neither was your son's behaviour. And right now, you are merely showing us what a helicopter parent you actually are, when I know that's not what you want to be. You are also on a very slippery slope of being an enabling parent. That never works out well.

I wish you all the very best if you think your son should have his way every time.

Jodi - posted on 01/04/2013

25,983

36

3891

You really aren't reading people's responses, or comprehending them.

"Do you go crazy when your friends try on your recently bought heels?"

No, because (1) they are people I know and (2) they have my permission.

" Coz most little girls would find a cute little boy ( he really is handsome, not just motherly love) trying on her shoes to be adorable, theyd be smiling and wanting to play, but no, not her, she went nuts. "

LOL, I can see you don't HAVE a little girl. This comment alone shows naivety with regard to the psych and reaction of young children. If some stranger had gone after my daughter's shoes at that age, she would have been devastated. Every mother thinks her son is handsome. Little girls don't give a shit.

"It’s not socially acceptable"

I will repeat, her initial reaction to someone taking her things was absolutely to be expected. How would you react if someone decided to take your handbag in a shopping centre and go through it, even if their intention was not to take it? Think about it. You'd probably flip out a bit, right?

YOUR SON should have been corrected from the get go, and told he can't try on other people's shoes. That is also socially unacceptable.

Tina - posted on 01/04/2013

34

0

0

Once again, I was actually looking for a response for how people would deal, but it seems like you all would just blame your kids for being curious, it couldn’t possibly be the girl who clearly has no self restraint, just the curious kid, right? But its so wrong.

how could you know if im angry, im not angry, im just a little bothered no ones really UNDERSTANDING. Maybe you just cant imagine what happened.

I do "parent my own," im very strict on him, not spoiling, he wasn’t hurting anyone, not doing anything wrong, ITS SHOES… who cares?? “Get over it!!!” say it to yourself, they’re SHOES. Not your final meal, not your bottle. But SHOES. maybe that’s why it bothered me her behavior was just being let go and not taken care of. Hopefully none of you will have this problem and hopefully you’ll defend your child and maybe speak up. Coz some things do need to be addressed, not just left quietly ignored.

it’s funny how you all think a little 3 year old can act like that and its normal but you also think a 2 year old know what permission is….. how strange..?? inflated ego & sense of entitlement??? I don’t think kids are able to even grasp those concepts at three nor five…. Man, the way you all think, doesn’t make sense… a two year who tries on shoes is crazy? But a little girl screaming and putting a fist in someones face is NORMAL?????????? bizarre world at circle of moms.

you all think im some sort of unsupervising, negligent, unintelligent parent all because i feel a little girl shouldnt behave like that and get away with it, a two year old can try on shoes without getting yelled at? bottom line. i said nothing negative toward anyone, yet i get all this criticism?? sooooo ridiculous, ITS HILARIOUS.

so you guys have never been to a birthday party and seen a lil 15 month old trying on shoes?? Never? WOW, maybe you all need to get out more, coz that’s so common around here. NONE of your friends try on your heels??????? I guess me and my friends like that stuff, trade dresses, bags, raid each others closets. It doesn’t bother anyone. Theyre clothes, shoes, handbags, material items you can always buy more. Theyre not enough to scream over. kids should be taught the same.

Tina - posted on 01/04/2013

34

0

0

Little miss hearts and swirls and Emeril BAMS?
u cant just sit in the chick fil a play place and “play with em” its too small, if all parents did that there’d be no room for kids to play. i was a glass wall away, obviously supervising, since I seen the whole situation. That’s not neglect, its called letting them play. If I wasn’t feeding him or changing his diapers you could call me negligent. He’s not a little 22 month old, he weighs 41 pounds and stands at 38 inches. He’s played at many a playgrounds , he doesn’t need any help there. At the basketball, my kid has a basketball hoop, he loves to play, if the kids wouldve given him a chance, they wouldve seen. and I was standing right there, as well, supervising, since I apparently know what happened

Didnt your kids don’t try to put on everyones shoes? At asian homes, we leave the shoes at the door and my baby loves it! Ive heard from everyone I know (in person) that its perfectly normal. You don’t have pictures of your babies walking around in your big shoes on their tiny bodies?? Its truly a kodak moment, too bad you couldn’t experience it with all your little ones and know how others have felt at the adorable sight.

Tina - posted on 01/04/2013

34

0

0

Jen,
““do you remember when your child was around two and they loved to play with shoes? You don’t have pictures of him running around in your huge shoes on their little feet? Do u also remember trying to take something he became so fond of away??

That little girl left her shoes in the middle and my kid seen the opportunity to try em on. It wasn’t a crime, it wasn’t hurting anyone, he didn’t STEAL them nor was he going to TAKE them anywhere. It wasn’t a situation to get mad over. Its very ridiculous and a huge over reaction to start a fight over some measly shoes. Most little girls would be giggling and find it adorable if a cute little boy was playing with her shoes. Most little girls would be bashful and try to play with him. But, no, she went crazy… over some shoes?

Tina - posted on 01/04/2013

34

0

0

Jodi,
do you honestly believe that was a reasonable response when some little kid tries on your shoes?? Do you go crazy when your friends try on your recently bought heels? No, that’s ridiculous, as was her response. It’s so odd. Coz most little girls would find a cute little boy ( he really is handsome, not just motherly love) trying on her shoes to be adorable, theyd be smiling and wanting to play, but no, not her, she went nuts. It’s not socially acceptable and her paren should’ve taught her that. she was about 3, if she didn’t know then her windows PROLLY closed to learn it.

Tina - posted on 01/04/2013

34

0

0

Dove,
yeah, I do have a lot of babysitting experience. I am very strict. Nothing gets past me. I correct every bad behavior of my child’s on the TEE he learns within a few times not to do it. And when I say his name in that tone out in public he KNOWS what hes doing wrong and stops. He did nothing wrong. He wasn’t hurting anyone, was going to steal those shoes, he actually can play basketball, so he wasn’t “in the way.” Its horrible to say your kids are in the way… there’s enough room in this world for everyone.

ive never heard of that “natural reaction”… is that like the gripping reflex or the raking reflex or the pretend stepping when theyre infants?? Which psychologist did you hear this “natural reaction” from Dove? Was it Howes? Erikson? Freud? Braum? PLEASE, enlighten me more with your child behaviorist theories .
i A’ced child development, psychology and human development courses in college by the way. You wanna talk theories. Try me.

I wasn’t posting to get some confirmation, I really wanted to know what people would do in such situation, but everyone attacked like I did something terribly wrong. Everyone seems to be saying "oh it’s my own childs fault he's so curious and wants to play with the big kids" or “my baby’s in the way of those big kids” or "oh i shouldve been closer" or "i shouldnt let my kid play in the playplace because theres older kids and maybe one will go crazy over some silly shoes"

Tina - posted on 01/04/2013

34

0

0

Kristi,
you cant be in arms reach at a chick fil a playplace. Hes big enough to handle the big kids, “for safety’s sake”? he weigh 41 pounds and is 38 inches tall, he’s not a little little baby just thrown in with the big kids. he can handle a playground. And the bath? No kid should be left in the bath, that’s a TOTALLY different situation.

the world if filled with people of every age. You don’t hang out in the retirement home until your past 55 but it doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of being around elderly people. So im gonna let my kid hang out with kids of every age and get used to it so he wont be like other 5 yr old who have never been around a baby before. Its called exposure & experiences, not “life, get used to it” he’s going to be around whatever I put him to, and he’ll gain a lot of knowledge from it.

“do you remember when your child was around two and they loved to play with shoes? You don’t have pictures of him running around in your huge shoes on their little feet? Do u also remember trying to take something he became so fond of away??

That little girl left her shoes in the middle and my kid seen the opportunity to try em on. It wasn’t a crime, it wasn’t hurting anyone, he didn’t STEAL nor was going to TAKE them anywhere. It wasn’t a situation to get mad over. Its very ridiculous and a huge over reaction to start a fight over some measly shoes. Its embarrassing it happened out in public, she should know better, that’s not socially acceptable.

so do you start fights when your friends try on your recently bought heels?? No, no one does, that’s not NORMAL, and if they do, that’s some anger problems, don’t u think kids should learn to act NORMAL at a young age than correct bad actions as they age?? they should already know, and I find it sad that it happened out in public. Especially to my child. Their parents didn’t correct it. But I did.
you aren’t going to be defensive or shook up (not “agitated”) after watching some little girl bullying your child? you're just going to say "oh it my own childs fault he's so curious and wants to play with the big kids" ?? or "oh i shouldve been closer" or "i shouldnt let my kid play in the playplace because theres older kids and maybe one will go crazy over some silly shoes"

only hermits think like that. EVERYONE’S judgmental, that’s life hunny. i am patient, understanding, open minded and helpful, I work for 90 and 80 year old dementia patients and I’m raising a 2 year old, I don’t think anyone could act out those words more than me. You don’t know who you’re talking to.

Tina - posted on 01/04/2013

34

0

0

Shawn,
it’s chick fil a, have u been? their playplace is about 10 ft by 10 ft. if every parent were to stand in there watching their kids there wouldn’t be any room to play.
how big was your 22 month old? my “baby” stands at 38 inches tall and weighs 41 pounds, hes not a little tike, he likes to play with the big kids coz they’re his size, baby babies his age and younger he cant rough house with and he knows to be gentle and its no fun. And he LOVES to play basketball, if the other kids gave him a chance they woulda seen

im gonna say the same as to Meme
do you remember when your child was around two and they loved to play with shoes? You don’t have pictures of him running around in your huge shoes on their little feet? Do u also remember trying to take something he became so fond of away??

That little girl left her shoes in the middle and my kid seen the opportunity to try em on. It wasn’t a crime, it wasn’t hurting anyone, he wasn’t going to take them anywhere. It wasn’t a situation to get mad over. Its very ridiculous and a huge over reaction to start a fight over some measly shoes. That sort of behavior shouldn’t happen out in public.

Kristi - posted on 01/03/2013

1,355

3

78

Tina--

Originally, nobody was attacking you. I know you came on here expecting moms to grab our pitchforks and torches and go after the monsters that some children have become today.

If you look back, you will see we did validate many of your feelings about children's behavior. We just pointed out, based on our experiences, that your child also needed correcting. Nobody was saying that any of the children, yours included, involved are bad children or that anybody, including you, was a bad parent.

It just sounds like you are a new mother and naturally protective of your child. Nobody likes to see their child "picked on" or "left out." A certain amount of that is a normal, healthy part of life and sometimes your son will be what you are now calling a bully. Children have a zillion things to learn and it is our responsibility to help them learn. As adults and moms we also have things to learn so we help each other out. You have to understand that we are only telling you these things because we've already been through these stages. We're not new mothers and most of us have more than one child.

Maybe instead of getting pissed off at us you might try to keep an open mind and listen to what other, more experienced mothers have to say. I'm not saying everything, everyone of us has to say all the time is right or will work for you but there are a lot of smart moms on here who know a thing or two. Just think about it.

***please forgive typos or missing words--on my cell again

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/03/2013

18,889

9

3002

"You can't parent other people's kids, but you CAN parent your own... and teach him to respect other people's belongings and other people's space.... or you can raise a spoiled brat that thinks he's entitled to do whatever the heck he wants cuz Mommy will always jump to his defense regardless of what he's doing. "

Just a point of Doves that I thought needed to be reiterated. Well said. YOU (general you) cannot parent other peoples kids, but you CAN parent your own.

Jodi - posted on 01/03/2013

25,983

36

3891

Actually, I think YOU were the one who started the fight, from memory.

I am pretty sure no-one here has friends who try on their shoes without asking. But that is beside the point. These shoes belonged to a total stranger. And they are young children. Your son should be taught that no, it is not okay to try on other people's shoes without asking. Period. It is not your place to start going off at other kids for doing the wrong thing if you aren't going to correct your own child's behaviour as well.

Dove - posted on 01/03/2013

5,749

0

1336

SHE is THREE!! Get over yourself lady and teach your kid that he can't always get what he wants... even at his age or he will, most likely, end up the target of real bullying when he gets older and no one wants to be his friend due to his inflated ego and sense of entitlement.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/03/2013

18,889

9

3002

"so do you start fights when your friends try on your recently bought heels??"

Usually they ask :-/

Tina - posted on 01/03/2013

34

0

0

Meme,
do you remember when your child was around two and they loved to play with shoes? You don’t have pictures of him running around in your huge shoes on their little feet? Do u also remember trying to take something he became so fond of away??

That little girl left her shoes in the middle and my kid seen the opportunity to try em on. It wasn’t a crime, it wasn’t hurting anyone, he wasn’t going to take them anywhere. It wasn’t a situation to get mad over. Its very ridiculous and a huge over reaction to start a fight over some measly shoes.

so do you start fights when your friends try on your recently bought heels?? No, no one does, and if they do, that’s some anger problems, don’t u think kids should learn to act NORMAL at a young age then correct bad actions as they age??

Tina - posted on 01/03/2013

34

0

0

Meme,
do you remember when your child was around two and they loved to play with shoes? You don’t have pictures of him running around in your huge shoes on their little feet? Do u also remember trying to take something he became so fond of away??

That little girl left her shoes in the middle and my kid seen the opportunity to try em on. It wasn’t a crime, it wasn’t hurting anyone, he wasn’t going to take them anywhere. It wasn’t a situation to get mad over. Its very ridiculous and a huge over reaction to start a fight over some measly shoes.

so do you start fights when your friends try on your recently bought heels?? No, no one does, and if they do, that’s some anger problems, don’t u think kids should learn to act NORMAL at a young age then correct bad actions as they age??

Momma - posted on 01/02/2013

197

0

5

Yep, I agree with most of the other ladies here. I also would like to know, why he was touching and trying to put on another kids shoes. They are not his and well you should have been in there letting him know they were not his. That does not make you a helicopter parent, it makes you a responsible parent. My kid at age 3-4 would have probably been a wee pissed if some other kid was "taking" their shoes. Since, that IS what it would appear to be occurring to them.

The other kid in this scenario was not correct in her behvaiour but as others have said, it is normal. Her parents should have also been watching and entered upon seeing that behaviour, in order to redirect it.

I think both parents should have handled the situation differently and been more proactive, rather than expecting something different out of either, each other or the kids.

~MeMe

Shawnn - posted on 01/02/2013

8,538

21

1997

Same as the rest of the ladies on here: your kid is not old enough to be in those situations by himself, as demonstrated by the fact that he was "trying on" a stranger's shoes. He was not invited to play with the shoes, he was not given the shoes to try on, he took it upon himself to do so. Had you been with him, rather than letting him be "independent", you would have been able to correct the situation BEFORE the 3 yo got upset. Something like "no, son, we don't touch something that isn't ours" would have been appropriate. Those parents showed incredible restraint in not calling you out for your son initiating the problem.

Same with the older kids "pushing him away". He's not yet 2, and the older kids don't always want a baby around! "Son, how about we play this instead" would have been an appropriate way to handle the situation. Seriously...you can't have it both ways.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/31/2012

18,889

9

3002

And I have 2 kids, both of them have been that age. One is 2 years 7 months, and the other is 6 years, 5 months. I don't let them play with other kids shoes. And if I see them trying to play with bigger kids that CLEARLY don't want anything to do with them, I play with them so they don't feel left out. BAM!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/31/2012

18,889

9

3002

What you are missing, is that as much as you want your kid to be a kid, so do other parents, and guess what....those kids were all just being kids.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/31/2012

18,889

9

3002

You supervising your 22 month old doesn't make you a helicopter parent. You blantantly not being their in circumstances where they could get hurt, is neglect. No young kid should be left alone in a playground area, especially a 22 month old. They often need help. And your child needs to learn to respect other peoples things. But toddlers are curious, and want to play with everything. The only way they learn that not everything is theirs, is by supervising them and teaching them.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/31/2012

18,889

9

3002

Not all kids know how to play with toddlers. It is true, your kid should not have been touching other kids stuff that they don't know. Especially shoes. Yuk. Yes my kids want to play with big kids, and often the big kids get annoyed with the little kids. It is just how it is. Often with our first child, we expect everyone to love them as much as we do. Often we don't see how they can be. Well, not all kids want to play together. Just a fact. It doesn't mean the big kids should be forced to play with the little kids just cause the parents expect them to. Or just cause we want them to. Of course the little kids want to hang with the big kids. It doesn't mean it is always recipricated. Especially from kids that don't know them, and the little kids are touching their things without their permission.

Point blank, you should have been their supervising your kid in both circumstances. Period.

And yes, sometimes they do have to just watch them play. Or mom/dad needs to play with them to distract them from playing with the big kids, so our little ones don't get hurt.

Tina - posted on 12/31/2012

34

0

0

i like my baby to experience as many things as i can possibly expose him to. playgrounds. zoos. petting zoos. pet stores. botanical gardens. child museums. circuses. fireworks. animal shows. horse races. other kids of every age. he loves babies. he loves to share with older kids. he likes to follow adults around at parties.

i like him being independent. im not a helicopter parent. i can let him play with kids at a distance without being all in their bubble. and i intervene when he misbehaves or someone does onto him i wouldnt allow him to do.

Tina - posted on 12/31/2012

34

0

0

i "let him try on shoes" i was letting him play in the play place.

i know a lot of 5 year old who do like to play with my child. they actually understand to be gentle

didnt your kids ever want to play with the big kids? didnt you ever let them watch em play??

Tina - posted on 12/31/2012

34

0

0

well the little girl acted like she herself was being bullied. how does a child learn such acts???? putting a fist in someones face?? do you let your kid do that? have you taught her that one yet? do you teach your kids to push a little one to go away?

none of the other kids were bothering him. and chick fil a playplace is small. you dont just sit in there & be next to your child. im not a helicopter parent. i like him being independent.

and if you have had a 22 month old then you know theyre curious, you know they want to play with big kids. and how hard it is to jusst tell them no, when it does no one any harm to let them go check it out.

Firebird - posted on 12/31/2012

2,660

30

521

Why are you letting your kid try on shoes that belong to some strange person in the first place? That girl's reaction was wrong, but still understandable. Older kids should certainly not be pushing your son away from them, but they aren't obligated to play with him either. I don't know many 5 year olds that want to play basketball with a baby.

Dove - posted on 12/31/2012

5,749

0

1336

Her behavior wasn't acceptable, but it was perfectly normal. Why were you letting him try on her shoes? Sure, the parents should have stepped in, but since you saw them watching and they didn't... probably would've been best to stay right by your kid and/or remove him from the area.

And with the kids playing basketball... they shouldn't have pushed him, but why would 4 and 5 year old kids want to play basketball with a not quite 2 year old?

What the heck is going on with children now a days? They are being normal kids. 3-5 year old's aren't really THAT much more mature than a 2 year old. Yeah, they are some what, but it sounds like you are expecting your not quite 2 year old to get to do whatever he wants and the other kids around just have to deal with it..... Maybe the parents are thinking the same thing about you that you are thinking about them?

S. - posted on 12/31/2012

1,182

9

310

Nothing's wrong with the children nowadays its just poor supervision of the parents, kids of any age in a place like that will push and barge and be mean if not watched your best of just saying " don't hurt baby" and you move away unless you want to take on half the parents out there!

And as for the older kids playing basket ball no they shouldn't have pushed him but he was probably just spoiling there game.

Your best off being by your kids side at places like that.

Mary - posted on 12/31/2012

3,348

31

119

I'd also like to ask...is your 22 month old your first kid? If so, just wait until HE is 3 or 4 and a stranger takes his stuff. See how rational HIS reaction is then; it might make you re-think your harsh judgments of this little girl. I'm not suggesting her behavior was acceptable, but the truth is, pretty much ALL preschoolers are capable of epic tantrums that, to the uninitiated, appear feral and atypical.

I agree with Marina - 22 months is much too young for a child to be in play place like CFA without immediate supervision. My daughter was over 3 before I let her go in there alone - and that was only with me having a direct line of sight into there at all times. Again, I'm not saying that this little girl's behavior should not have been addressed and corrected by her parents, but the truth is, the whole episode never would have happened if your toddler hadn't taken her shoes AND put them on. You should have been there to correct his inappropriate behavior just as much as her parents should have intervened when she got a little too aggressive. Just because he is under two does not mean that he has carte blanche to get away with taking another's belongings without repercussions. The only way he is going to learn appropriate social skills is you are readily and immediately available to teach him.

I do think you might have some unrealistic expectations about just how mature and socially appropriate the 3-5 y/o population is. While they are certainly a little better than your toddler - they are still little kids, and they too are still learning to control their tempers, play nice, use their words, and keep their hands to themselves. As a parent, I have found that I really do need to be present and observant - particularly if my daughter is in a public play place or park where a lot of the kids are older or bigger than her. It's not that these are "bad" or unduly rough kids....they're just kids, who still have a limited awareness of others when caught up in their play, and are still developing their own social skills. I've also found that attacking a stranger's parenting skills, or going off on them about their kid's atrocious behavior is going to do nothing more than make them defensive and pissed off at the person attacking them. It's fine, in the moment, to verbally correct an unknown child doing wrong by your son - but that's about it. If that child's behavior doesn't cease, and the parents are aware but not intervening, the best you can do is notify the management, and/or remove your kid from their presence.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/31/2012

18,889

9

3002

Well, I have to ask why did you have to "go in" to help him? He is still under 2 years old, and mostlikely needs helo with those places and should not be in there alone. Not just for help with slides, but because the big kids run fast and can push then down or the little ones can get hurt easily. I don't think it is wrong that you spoke up to help your child, but if you had been in there with him the whole time, maybe it wouldn't have happened.

Also, I don't blame the bigger kids trying to push him out of the way when they are trying to play. it is hard for big kids to play when a little toddler is around. It doesn't make it right, but hopefully you see what I mean. Just because they are kids, does not mean they automatically will want to play with the younger ones. I would probably have sat on the side lines with him and talked to him about what they are doing, and found a ball for him to play with so I could play with him.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms