How would you talk to your daughter when it comes time to talk about puberty?

Hope - posted on 10/11/2011 ( 19 moms have responded )

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Hello mothers out there! This question has likely been done a 100x's but just wondering to those who have daughters that maybe at the age of puberty or past it, or not even there yet? How did you talk to them about it? Or How would you go about talking to your daughters about reaching puberty like wearing a bra, shaving the legs and arm pits, getting her period? All my mom did was warn me I don't remember what she said but I remember my mom telling me what I would feel and stuff before it happens or has happened so I wouldn't feel so alarmed of what is going on. I thought of finding a book for young girls on their bodies and stuff, and just sort of go read through to get some good guide lines on how to explain it. But I can tell her in somewhat my own words too.
I mean my daughter is almost 4 so she's got a ways to go yet, but then again if she is anything like I was, she might get her period at 10 like I did, I started developing at 9 I was a very early bloomer, and it was quite embarrassing, and I hear girls now a days are developing much earlier these days.

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I am not going to have "the talk" with my children. Its not going to be a huge ordeal where we have to discuss becoming an adult because its not some huge secret. My 2 year old already knows she will get breasts someday so she can feed her babies if she has any. Sometimes when shes sitting on my belly i tell her she was in there before. I don't want it to be a huge shock. I started my period very young, when i was 7 i started spotting every now and again and I had no idea what was going on. I was scared and had noone to talk to because vaginal problems were not discussed. When I was 9 i had a full blown period and it scared the life out of me, i thought i was going to die. I don't like the way they teach menstruation in school either. Its explained as one day you start having full blown periods that are 3-7 days and you have them every month. For some women its a gradual process like it was with me. I would spot for a day or so, then wouldn't for a few months, they slowly got closer together and heavier until i fell into a regular cycle. If young girls don't know this can happen, they may not recognized whats happening and think somethings wrong.

Brittany - posted on 10/12/2011

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Caoilainn is four and I have started to slowly introduce her to "big girl" things. Sometimes we may shower together and she will see me shaving my legs. She will ask and I will allow her to shave her legs, with the plastic guard on of course.

She has asked me about my boobs, va jay-jay and aunt flow's visit. I do not lie or mislead but, I explain to her in a way that I feel is age appropriate for her.

When she asks about my boobs I tell her that she will have some once she gets bigger and they are used for feeding babies. I also expressed to her that not all mommy's feed their babies this way and that is perfectly ok. There is nothing wrong with doing it or not doing it.

When she asks about my "bug" (as she calls it) I explain to her that is where babies come from. We have had the conversation about making sure we wipe and keep out bug clean. She did ask how babies come from the bug and I explained to her that this was a secret for only Mommy's and Daddy's to know. She accepted it.

I have been in the uncomfortable situation of having her in the room and having to take care of well, personal things. I told her that this is my bodies way of reminding me that I can still have babies. She asked why she does not get to wear a "Mommy Diaper" I told her it was because, she is not old enough to have any babies. I have caught her, a few times actually, using my Always Wipes. I suppose it won't hurt anything.

Perhaps I am a bit forward with her but, I am not to good at making up stories.

Minnie - posted on 10/11/2011

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I don't think it's a huge mystery here, my girls are five and three and already know that one day they'll grow more hair, get their period and that their breasts will grow.



I'm thinking of having a gathering of just women each time to celebrate womanhood or something. Raspberry leaf tea, good food, incense, telling stories, words of wisdom, etc. I like that better than girls going into the teenage years not being confident about their bodies, scared and confused over the changes.

Stifler's - posted on 10/11/2011

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I agree a book would be better than spending hours explaining it all!

Tracey - posted on 10/11/2011

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We never had "the talk" I just dropped things into conversation when my daughter was younger re puberty, reproduction, birth etc.
We had a good book from Osbourne / Usbourne about growing up, can't remember the title aimed at 10+.

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19 Comments

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Leeann - posted on 10/14/2011

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my daughter is 11, and we have had the "The Talk", but not really. She likes the twilight movies, so after she watched them a dozen or so times, I go in and watch it with, have mini little discussions that her dad doesn't hear. but every day we keep the lines of communication open, but our tv nights or movie nights are always the best, thats when we talk about everything, from religious to the boy down the street, whom she thinks is cute *shudder*. its easier than you think it is, you just have to get over the hang ups. and its hard at first, but they'll just laugh at you for blushing and you cant help but follow. hope I helped good luck :)

Amanda - posted on 10/13/2011

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well my daughter is almost a year so i have a while to go...but my parents had very open comunication with that kind of stuff for as along as i remember and i started to develop at 9 as well so i guess around then was when we would talk about stuff. we would talk till me and my sister didn't want to talk any more but they were both there for any questions that we may have thought of after so i plan on doing it the way my parents did i guess....my biggest problem is going to be my son...lol he is only 5 so i have a little while to go yet but i feel prepared to handle a girl because i am one but not really sure how i am going to talk to a boy...lol

Hope - posted on 10/12/2011

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My daughter does know the difference between a boy and girl, and she knows about boobs, and yes if she ask a question I answer her honest as I can but in a appropriate way.

Amanda - posted on 10/12/2011

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Just try to be open with her and not ashamed or embarrassed if she has a question. My mom was great but in this instance all she did was give me a book to read on my own and then I tried to hide while reading it. Luckily I was a late bloomer so I had time to learn stuff from my friends.

Janice - posted on 10/12/2011

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My 23 month old showers with me and has definitely already been examining the differences between us. I think if you make it an on going conversation as things come up its no big deal. The bathroom isn't too private in my home so when my daughter asks about periods I will give her an age appropriate answer at that time. Also at the public schools in my area students get puberty education (not sex) in 4th or 5th grade where they split the boys and girls and explain about changes their body will be going through. I was a late bloomer - 13 before period or the beginnings of boobs so most likely my daughter will be the same. I'm more worried about her feeling sad about developing late.

Corinne - posted on 10/12/2011

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My little girl is 5yrs old and already knows about periods, boobs and the extra fuzz. We've kept it as a daily thing, if she asks a question I'll answer it honestly and the same goes for my little boy (he's 3yrs old).

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Their education kind of started on a rough note since they watched me practically bleed to death miscarrying when they were 5. The next time I had a period after that I simply told them that it happens like THAT (not so much blood) every month that a woman isn't pregnant.

We read 'The Care and Keeping Of You' together when they were 7. GOOD book.

We are very open and my almost 10 year olds are very proud of their little 'boobies'. lol

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I would say girls between 7 and 8 are developing breasts nowadays, so she's really not that far off from puberty! I don't really see it as being "a" talk, but more a series of talks. I already talked to my then-2 YO boys about where babies come from when I was pregnant, and we have books that talk about the difference between boys and girls (and men and women). I plan on following the same path with my daughter -- giving her age appropriate information throughout her life, so that there are no big shockers for her. My friend's daughter started her period at 8 and, since she wasn't prepared for it, thought she was dying. I would never want to put my child in that situation.

Desiree - posted on 10/12/2011

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I am going through it now and I find that being straight forward and honest is the best policy. Especially since they have a tendency to back to their friends and discuss the matter with them. i have also have mom call and ask me how could you tell your daughter that. the answer to the question is rather she hear it from me than hear it from her friends and between the bunch of them decide that is romantic and cool. IT AIN"T COOL!!! So Yes I am straight forward with her can't afford not to be and the wrong idea is give. right now she understands that its something that is discussed between us and that sharing her surprises and feelings with her freinds is not always a good thing. and Sex is not cool until you are ready and old enough that she says is only when she qualifies wich will be at about 25. I can only say from her mouth to God's ears may she always remain true to that.

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I don't have girls but I'm not for making a big mystery of it for my boys either. My opinion is to answer all questions honestly, whatever age (you don't need to be graphic with detail), drop in facts about their bodies from a young age. That way you never have to have the big embarrassing talk when they are old enough to get embarrassed!

Lady - posted on 10/12/2011

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I agree that the big talk is not always needed - it's best to try and make it an everyday sort of thing - not literally everyday I just mean not a big deal - my girls see my pads and have come into the bathroom and see me changing and have asked why there blood - it's important to make it age appropriate - like when they were a lot younger I just said that's what happens to ladies when they get older once ever few weeks as tey got older I was able to explain a little more.

I am however going to have a bit of a big talk with my oldest who's almost 11 - she's just changed schools and I've discovered the sex talk was done in her new school last year - where as in her old school they hadn't had it yet so she's missed out - I have already told her a little bit about sex as she has an older brother who like to share so I thought it was better coming from me - I'll probably get that book that has been mentioned and either give it to her then have a talk or read it with her. We are quite an open family though so I'm not too worried - my oldest son talks to me and my husband about sex - he feels free to ask us questions so I'm hoping my others will feel the same.

Hope - posted on 10/11/2011

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I know I heard that in schools they are teaching sex ed a lot earlier now like as like Kindergarden, but its just the very very basic, I didn't learn that stuff til I hit grade 5. But it is also important to not be uncomfortable with talking with your son/daughter about sex. But when it comes time for that I will likely celebrate and treat her to something she likes doing, to celebrate in becoming a young woman.

Jodi - posted on 10/11/2011

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"What's Happening to Me" is the Usbourne books - there is a girl edition and a boy edition. My daughter isn't old enough for the full talk yet, but I used the boy edition when I had a talk with my son, and it was very useful and very age appropriate.

Jenny - posted on 10/11/2011

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My daughter just had a presentation on puberty at school, she is 8. Of course we had already covered all the bases at home. It's hard to say when to start as in our home it's been an age appropriate, life long process.

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