I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT!

[deleted account] ( 47 moms have responded )

Ok, it'll soon become obvious to you that I've recently stopped smoking. So, in an effort to keep my hands busy, I thought I'd lay some stuff out on the table for everyone. I hope no one takes offense to any of it. It is me and my own personal brand of humor / seriousness. Take it for what it is. Someone in withdrawal, on day nine, white knuckling it, without aid of candy or any oral replacements. I am shocked that I haven't started biting my nails, to be honest lol Anywho, here it is. Feel free to add to the list if you have any :)

I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT.
(Things NOT to say to someone in the process of trying to stop smoking.)

Before I begin, I want you to remember to not take any of the following personally. I hope you can see the humor in what I'm saying and how I'm saying it. Don't get your little panties in a wad over it.

Ok, so we all know that stopping smoking is hard. Many of you know this from personal experience and many of you only know it from hearing stories. Well, it's different for everyone. Some people stop smoking and never struggle much with it. Those are the lucky few. For a lot of us, myself included, the word "HARD" doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of what it's like. Miserable comes closer, but still isn't accurate. Gut wrenching is closer still, but doesn't quite get it either. For me, the closest I can describe it is: FUCKING INSANE. That's what I've become in my effort to be a healthier mom for my son. FUCKING CRAZY. So be it. I'll keep being crazy indefinitely until I've gotten the hang of being a non-smoker. But in the mean time, some of you feel it necessary to offer your brand of "encouragement" and really, you've gotta stoppit. You know who you are. The reformed smoker, full of wisdom and "how to" advice. The one who never smoked a day in your life, but still think you have something to put on the table (you don't). Then there's the worst kind...the reformed smoker who goes all preachy and judgemental on smokers. We've all met these people. And while much of the advice comes from a good place, an honest place of simply wanting to help, believe me, it doesn't. It really doesn't. So, let's go over the things NEVER to say to someone in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, mkay?

FIRST, don't tell me how your great aunt's best friend's sister quit. I really don't give a shit. You know what I do give a shit about? The fact that I want a cigarette so bad right now that I would walk on glass to get one. I don't care if your sister's nun's mother's remedy worked for a thousand people 100% of the time. Unless the remedy is about 5 inches long and has smoke coming from one end (filter optional at this point), I really don't give a fuck. I want a smoke and hearing you pass along quitting methods just makes me want to shove a dirty sock in your mouth and flick you in the nose for good measure.

SECOND, if you've never smoked a day in your life, you have nothing productive to say to me at any point during my quitting process. The only words regarding me quitting, that are acceptable to come from your mouth are things like : I'm proud of you. Is there anything I can do for you? I love you.
That's pretty much all you have to offer on this subject so if you can't say a variation of any of those things then keep your mouth shut on the subject because you really don't get it and never will.

THIRD, this is for my friends and loved ones who still smoke. You know I'm trying to stop smoking, so please, have the fucking decency to not smoke around me or just before you are going to be seeing me. And if you feel you MUST SMOKE, at least have the decency to wash your hands and suck on a mint afterwards so that I don't have to smell the scent of the thing I crave the most wafting from your body over into my personal space, enticing me and telling me that "just one will be ok".

FOURTH, someone who is trying to stop smoking has thought of it all. We know to suck on candy and to keep our hands busy. We know about doing things to keep our minds off of smoking. So please, don't tell us things we already know. Instead of TELLING me to keep my mind off of it, why don't you HELP me keep my mind off of it. Hmmm?

FIFTH, and this is a HUGE one for all of you former smokers. DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT EVER say the words "If I can do it, you can do it." This makes my blood boil. It makes me want to go all Mike Tyson on you, bite your ears off and smoke THEM. A little much? Maybe. But this quitting thing is a different level of hell for every person who tries to do it. Just because you've climbed the mountain and done your Rocky dance, doesn't help me one bit while I'm still on the bottom step and already breathless. If you wanna brag about how great it is that you stopped smoking, don't use my quitting struggles to do it. Call somebody who gives a shit.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

April - posted on 02/19/2011

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I have never been a smoker, but I want to say congrats and to tell you that your post was really well written! It would make a wonderful article! I'd also like to add to it: PLEASE DON'T TELL ME A SAD STORY ABOUT YOUR GRANDMA WHOSE EMPHYSEMA (from smoking) WAS SO BAD THAT HER LAST BREATHS WERE A BUNCH OF CHOKING NOISES. (I really told this story. It was my grandma, but now I won't tell smokers because of you. You've made me see how that could be counterproductive and kind of mean!)

Jodi - posted on 02/18/2011

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Joy, what I mean by reward yourself every day is to give yourself "me time", or whatever it is that really gives you pleasure. I used to use smoking as a way to get out of the house sometimes, and away from the kids. When I gave up, one thing it did was removed my 5 or 10 minutes on my own in the peace of my own company :) So, instead, I made sure I put aside at least 1/2 hour every day to find that peace - I found another place to sit (not the same place I used to go to smoke) and I would read my book and have a cup of tea. Or I'd have a bubble bath. And once every couple of weeks, we go out to dinner. I just found it really important to reward myself with things *I* enjoyed. And when you think about it, I saved so much TIME by not smoking, I was actually able to find time for myself again!!! It was total bliss!!

Krista - posted on 02/19/2011

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Bah-ha-ha! I'm the one who told you "it gets easier". Sorry, honey! And yeah, it was supposed to be a bit of a light at the end of the end of the tunnel, letting you know that things aren't ALWAYS going to be as difficult as they are now.

I meant well, right? LOL! :)

[deleted account]

Jennifer, I think the best way to help your husband (speaking of course, from what I'm going through) is basically just to not bring it up. Check in with him here and there but don't be specific and don't mention words like "smoke" or "cigarette". "How ya doin'? Is there anything I can do?" That sort of thing. The last time I tried to stop smoking, I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want to hear "Sooo how's the not smoking thing going?" every day from my well meaning friends. I knew that would only make me want to smoke more. Basically, any time attention gets brought to what I'm NOT doing, it makes me want to do it. I think drinking lots of water is helping me too. Not sure if your husband is a big water drinker or not but, maybe having cold water always available to him would be another way to help him. I have some dental issues that are keeping me from sucking on sweets and candies but, if your hubby's ok with it, maybe get a bag of his favorite sweets and have it on hand for him. I know if I didn't have cavities that need filling (next week), I'd be all over Jolly Ranchers lol I wish your husband (and me) luck. Something to keep in mind is that it can sometimes take several (many, in my case...I've lost count) tries to successfully stop smoking. So if he doesn't make it this time, don't let him feel like a pile of shit. That's been my biggest downfall in past failed attempts. I make it so far, have one and feel so horrible about myself that I just give up. One thing I've learned is that even if this time I screw up and have one, that doesn't mean I have automatically failed. I can pick up from wherever I am and go from there. To be honest, it kinda makes me a little happy to know that I'm not the only one lol But I really hope your husband isn't struggling as much as I am.

Jodi - posted on 02/18/2011

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I keep reminding myself that the money I save, that I am putting in a savings acoount, is my reward, and Santa is bringing a hot tub for me this year..... :D It also paid for our trip to New Zealand.



Write a list of the rewards you would like for giving up and pin it to the fridge......and you really should reward yourself in some way for it every single day. You are doing a GREAT job, I'm proud of you too!!

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47 Comments

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[deleted account]

Ah the point in which one will litterally walk through broken glass for a smoke, my hunni just said 'you didn't get that bad' I just looked at him and said 'you know those moments where my gaze goes kinda blurry I stare off into space and start fidgeting...yeah thats exactly what I was thinking broken glass really wouldn't be that bad' lol. It's crossed my mind to carjack someone just because I saw them lighting up while stopped at a stop light, luckily they drove away before my insanity got the better of me. I'm the idiot that started again so I have to start the insanity all over again I'm tempted to just put on a straightjacket and sit in a padded cell until I make it past the worst of it. Congrats on 9 days, amazing post I loved it, you're an inspiration to me at the very least I'm not the only one an inch away from smackin people (lasttime by day 3...nevermind 9). I wish you plenty of positive thoughts as you climb the mountain and please send me yours when you're doing your own rocky dance since I'm still out of breath on the lower steps :)

Dana - posted on 02/19/2011

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LOL Love it Joy!



Ah, the insanity of quitting, there's nothing quite like it. :)

Isobel - posted on 02/19/2011

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I'm gonna go wash my hands and eat a mint before posting any further ;)

Danielle - posted on 02/19/2011

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Wow. You sound like I did a few weeks ago. I tried to quit...it got so bad that I would snap on someone for just looking at me. My son who is 7 finally told my husband "dude you need to get her some cigarettes...she's mean" =( He did and told me to lock myself in the bedroom till I was "feeling better" I hate that I wasn't strong enough to quit but at least it's peaceful around here again..hell even the dogs ran for cover when I came into the room. So I give you your props for being off for this long. I only made it three days. I'll do it one day...just not right now lol

Jessica - posted on 02/19/2011

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Oh man, I agree I don't think it ever gets easier. Well, the intensity/frequency of cravings seems to have gotten somewhat better (for me), but they haven't gone away! I quit with relative ease for both pregnancies but staying away from them is a big problem, now that I am not pregnant anymore. I have wanted to smoke one sooooo much the past few days (fussy newborn + tantruming, bored toddler= tons of stress) but the only reason I haven't is because I have a 3 week old who wants to be attached to my boobs every hour and a half... gah!

Mabel - posted on 02/19/2011

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Good luck Joy!I might not know you in real life but I know you are a strong woman who really loves her child and wants the best for your little one .SO keep your head down and your humor up.It will get better.=))))

Tara - posted on 02/19/2011

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True Marina, and thanks. It is A LOT and somedays it's too much. But smoking isn't the worst thing I could with this stress/depression/anger etc.
:)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/19/2011

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Tara, don't beat yourself up. You are going through ALOT and don't need the added pressure of guilt. You could be doing ALOT worse things.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/19/2011

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Ok, so I will definately smoke again...I do oddaccionally now. I will say what helped me originally and I would recommend it to anyone serious about quitting. AURICULAR THERAPY! It is pulses in the ear on certain pressure points...I can say it truly works. This is comiing from a long time heavy smoker,,,,you still think about smoking, but you do not NEED to smoke. It is a weird thing.

Tara - posted on 02/19/2011

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I have a horrible confession.
As some of you know I quit smoking back in September. I had my wisdom teeth pulled and it was easy to quit.
Well.... two weeks ago I started again.
I'm so stressed about personal stuff (ongoing court case for those who know) and I just couldn't do it anymore.
So... yep I am now a reformed non-smoker, aka a smoker.
Shame on me.
Good Luck Joy.
I love you, you're great. I'm proud of you. Is there anything I can do for you?
I'm not smoking as I type this by the way, if it makes you feel any better.
I'm ashamed of me and proud of you.
:)

[deleted account]

ROFL Krista! How COULD you???? (TOTALLY joking here!) I know people mean well when they give advice and most of it is probably true. It's just hard to concentrate on stuff like that when in the midst of a nic fit so bad you're considering digging for butts in the ash can.....lol No worries though. I know you love me ♥ It goes both ways ♥

Petra - posted on 02/19/2011

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Hahaha, I loved this Joy. I've quit smoking 4 times and it's unbelievably difficult. In terms of rewards, the best ones I got were from my non-smoking boyfriend, who set up an oral reward system for every day I didn't light up. That shit worked. Good luck girl!

Sal - posted on 02/18/2011

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i have never smoked, the people i know who have succesfully quit all said the same thing, they didn;t talk about quitting they just told themselves they were x smokers or non smokers, they said something just switched on or off my mum had smoked for 40 years and she was in hospital and they asked if she smoked, and she simply said not any more, she wasn't deceitful just said it with out thinking and never has again, 3 years now, my dad had a similar story almsot 10 years and also my best freind all said the same nearly 5 years. good luck joy you know it will be the best gift you give your self when you achieve it....

Nicole - posted on 02/18/2011

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I used to smoke a pack a day and I was forced to quit when I moved to another city, lost my ID and my husband refused to buy me cigarettes or alcohol. I also used to go out every weekend and party, but this was when I was 19 and had no kids.

Needless to say, he is now an ex-husband. It didn't end because of that but it should have been a red flag.

Being in a new city, trying to find work and having to quit cold turkey sucks big time.

I ended up finding out I was pregnant a few months after quitting, so I stayed quit and haven;t smoked since, but I still resent having someone make that choice for me.

[deleted account]

Oh and also, I've found that my attempts in the past that have lasted the longest, I haven't used the word "quit". I've "stopped smoking". I read somewhere awhile back that the brain registers negatives faster than it registers positives. So if you tell yourself you're "quitting" anything, your brain sees it as failure. But if you tell yourself you're stopping, your logical brain can process that in a more positive way. Something like that. Plus, nobody likes a quitter right? LOL

[deleted account]

Oh Marina...I forgot about that one.....ROFL Riiight, telling someone "it gets easier".....is that supposed to be some sort of light at the end of the tunnel or something? Because I'd probably be a window licker too if it got bad enough. Ok, maybe not because that's gross lol But I gotcha lol

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/18/2011

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Just injecting my own bratty humor....but for real, it is hard.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/18/2011

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Hey Joy, I just wanted to tell you that you forgot one vital one..."it gets easier" No it doesn't fucktwad....you see that white film on the windows of your car? I have been so desperate at times, I have wanted to clean the nicotine stains off of them with my tongue.

Just trying to help keep your mind off of it...hell if I can do it so can you. Did I tell you my best way of quitting? quitting quitting.

Jennifer - posted on 02/18/2011

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Congrats Joy!

my husband is quitting, he's in his second week. i have no idea what i can do to help him...i've asked him, and he's not even sure if theres anything i can do...at least now i know what NOT to do :)

[deleted account]

LOL I loved this Joy! I SO badly wanted to say this to every person I met when I quit. TWICE!! I say print off each number on a business card and hand them out to people as they open their mouths! LOL Gotta love ya! Your doing great too! Congrats!

Bonnie - posted on 02/18/2011

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Congratulations Joy! I'm sure you will appreciate it down the road. I have never smoked once in my life, but you seem very strong willed to have not needed any kind of replacement to get your mind off of it.

Esther - posted on 02/18/2011

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Joy - I'm proud of you. Is there anything I can do for you? I love you. ♥ ;)

Krista - posted on 02/18/2011

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Except now I'M craving the nun's 5 inch remedy :(

That sounds like a euphemism for a very discreet vibrator.

Krista - posted on 02/18/2011

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I would reward myself if I made it through that week, by getting a massage. It was a bit expensive, but not much more than I was paying for smokes every week. And it really helped ease some of the tension.

[deleted account]

I loved your OP! You should write me a book. You know.... to keep your mind off the whole smoking thing.

OK... I'm ducking now. ;) lol!

[deleted account]

And thanks everyone, for the support. For any of you who've known me longer than a minute, I'm sure you can appreciate my humor in my OP. When I stress I either get bitchy or a twisted sense of humor. That moment, writing that, was a combo of both lol

[deleted account]

That's a good idea Jodi! I should start putting the money aside for something special. As for rewarding myself every day, I really don't know how to go about that. Seriously, my mind is such a jumble lately, I'm surprised I can string a sentence together lol By a daily reward, you're talking like a chocolate or some kind of treat right? I'm trying to avoid food rewards because I don't want to gain a bunch of weight. If anything, I'm eating less since stopping smoking, which isn't good because I didn't eat much before. I don't know, right now I just don't know much of anything except that the only time I don't think about smoking constantly is when I'm sleeping. Soon as I get Jacob down for the night, that's exactly what I'm gonna do. Sleep.

[deleted account]

As someone who has never smoked, so has no experience w/ it..... Congratulations! Good for you!! :)

Meghan - posted on 02/18/2011

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haha, when people tell me to quit I always say "no one likes a quitter" I will one day, but right now it's one more stress I do not need.

Krista - posted on 02/18/2011

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Proud of you, kiddo! I know it's hell on wheels for you now, but believe it or not, it WILL get easier. Just take every hour at a time, and don't be afraid to bribe yourself with indulgent crap to keep on going. Anytime you're teetering, let me know and I'll try to help.

[deleted account]

Glad to hear you're making progress. They day I quit smoking my brand new husband and I drove coast to coast across the United States, while I was wearing the patches. I wanted a divorce by the time we got there. Was not a good idea. ; )

[deleted account]

LOL Stephanie, at this point no, I wouldn't use a patch because it's been 9 days so all the nicotine is out of my system. It's just been a rough day and I got one too many pieces of useless advice from people and figured I'd write about it. Better to vent about it here than to go buy smokes.....which is what I really want to do right now....purely out of habit though, because the physical addiction part is over.

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