I dont know what i should do or say...

Veronica - posted on 03/10/2011 ( 48 moms have responded )

1,539

61

90

Ok, I dont want to be the neighborhood bitch -- but i do not like that random neighborhood kids are over here, playing in my yard/with my kids -- when I havent been asked. First of all - I do not need anymore kids here, then I already have (i have six kids - 8, 6, 5, 3, 2 and an 11mo. old) I have enough going on, and the 11mo. old, 2 and 3 year old are a huge handful. Secondly, I dont want to be liable or responsible for someone else's kids - I dont have a "Free daycare" sign in my yard. Third - where the hell are the parents? Four, where is the permission to be in my yard??

I havent said anything, because I dont want to come off as a bitch in the neighborhood - but Im getting sick of it too - Am i being a bitch? Or am I legit about my complaint?? What should I do? What would you do??

Sincerely, Frazzled! (lol)

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Veronica - posted on 03/10/2011

1,539

61

90

You know, even though i have my hands full - reading through this - I am realizing I think my biggest problem with it - is the fact that they just come over - and no parents in sight - not even permission asked -- this is what bothers me more about it - than having them here. If the parent walked them over, and asked if the kids could play together, i would be more open to it - unless it was a bad time.

Mrs. - posted on 07/23/2011

1,767

6

30

My sister-in-law has the same problem. She lives in a very small town in northern Canada and a gang of young kids who play with her two kids starting showing up on the regular.



All I'm saying is if you don't nip it in the bud, like she regrets not doing for fear of being "rude", it can get out of hand.



Now the same kids come over and when she tells them to leave - they don't. As well, since she is often there along and her husband is kind of absent, they've taken to putting her down and telling her that her husband is lazy/won't do anything to back her up anyway. That's right, these kids are making fun of her and her husband to her face...and they won't leave.



I heard this little 6 year old bitching her out when we were up there. I couldn't believe it. I got up and starting walking toward these kids, they saw the look in my eye as I approached and took off as fast as they could.



Don't show fear to gangs of kids like that or you might end up being bullied by a 6 year old.



Tell their parents and if the parents are dicks....tell them you've got a new dog and it has been known to bite.

Sharon - posted on 03/11/2011

11,585

12

1314

We get random kids here.

We get random kids attracted to the sound of the animals and bicycles laying in the driveway who come up to the house and play in the yard while no one is home.

I call the parents and tell them that while I don't mind if they are here, they, the parents and the child/ren have been warned that ALL animals are dangerous and if they are hurt it is not my fault because they were told to stay away from the animals.

I love that kids love my house & yard. But I refuse to be responsible for simple bullshit like a kid tripping over a tree root or teasing my rooster and getting pecked & scratched.

If you didn't want children to play with your kids - you should lock them up.

Kids play. Kids wander and find other kids to play with. Tell your kids to tell other children to get away from them. They might get hurt. Eventually - they'll stay away.

Erin - posted on 03/10/2011

6,569

25

232

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all Veronica. It really isn't anything personal towards these particular kids. It's the fact their parents are rude pricks for not consulting with you first.

Meghan - posted on 03/10/2011

3,169

33

202

Come out wearing a bathrobe, with your hair in curlers and start telling them really boring crazy stories. They will think you are the crazy lady and wont be back :)
K that's not a very good idea but I was thinking about how funny it would be...maybe I am more warped than I thought

This conversation has been closed to further comments

48 Comments

View replies by

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 03/22/2012

3,377

8

66

No kids allowed in my yard unless permission has been sought by me and by their parents. Now that my oldest is 13.5, the permission needs to be asked by her to me, that's it. We have a pool and a trampoline. If they want to use either, the kids "must" get permission from their parents, end of story.



I too do not like just any kid in my yard. This is my yard and I am responsible for them when they are in it. If their parents do not know, then there is something wrong. I dunno. I always know where my kids are, always. Even now, with my 13.5 year old. She must tell me where she is going or she doesn't go.

Toni - posted on 03/22/2012

58

25

5

I would tell them to get on too!! My neighbor children come in my yard and play all the time. They never ask. They get in my stuff, go into my garage, and play on my son's swing set. I have a dog and I don't want them just coming in my yard and getting hurt. Their parents are inside napping or whatever they do. They act like we have a park to play at. I always tell them to go.

Rebecca - posted on 08/18/2011

100

5

3

Are these other kids playing with your kids? If they aren't playing with your kids and they are randoms I think you should probably complain or put a letter through these other childrens doors. x

Lady Heather - posted on 08/16/2011

2,448

17

91

Maybe the parents figure if you've got 6 already you won't notice an extra here or there? Ha. That's really lame. We were taught as kids that the polite thing to do is go knock on the door and ask if you are allowed to play there. I don't think there's anything wrong at all with asking these kids' parents to be more understanding especially considering you have so many little ones (and even if you didn't, asking is the right thing to do anyways).

Merry - posted on 08/16/2011

9,274

169

248

Honestly I'd probably put up a fence. I'm not keen on my kids playing with random kids I'd want to know the parents well before our kids played much together. And I wouldn't let my kids wander into other people's yards either so IMO a fence is a great option!
When I was little we had a fenced in yard, the neighbors would come to the fence, if we were outside they could ask to play and we would let them in. If we had to leave r go inside they left our yard. As we got older we also could go to their yards, but only the houses on our block cuz we didn't cross the street alone. Idk, my mom didn't know the parents too well and I think we learned too much crummy stuff from these kids. So I plan on being more picky on who my kids hang out with.

Maggie - posted on 08/16/2011

818

24

47

This is a tough situation. You have a lot of kids so having more come to play could be more difficult OR it could be good. The kids from the neighborhood can entertain your older kids while you focus on the younger ones. Older kids can make up their own games and be pretty self-sufficient if you let them.
Do you know the parents of any of the kids? Why not get to know them before you start complaining to them about their kids being friendly. The neighborhood kids come to your house to play with your kids. It's a great compliment! If you are nervous about being responsible for injuries that happen on your property then that's a discussion you should have with the parents AFTER you get to know them.
Why not send the older kids off to play somewhere else? The 8, 6, and 5 year olds could go play in someone else's yard. Isn't that what you did when you were a kid?
Honestly I envy your situation. We live in a neighborhood with only one other kid and her parents don't let her come out without one of them. I let my kids (5 and 3) play in the yard by themselves.

Alexandra - posted on 08/15/2011

16

18

0

Dear Frazzled - you are absolutely right in feeling this way and you're not a bitch! You are considerate towards everyone's feelings and are abiding by the respectable 'Mommy rules'. It's the other mothers that are breaking them. I hate it when parents let your children run wild everywhere, leaving the rest of us to mind them while they climb all over everything and destroy other people's stuff!
If I were you, when those other unkown neighborhood children show up in your yard, either ask them politely who they are, where their house is, and where their mother is and explain that you were on your way out the door and can't have people on your property because no one is there to supervise! At least, that will get them off and probably stop them from coming over so often.
Good luck!

[deleted account]

Then you may put up with it.
Look i had the same problem.I was to nice and sweet and i was taken advantage of.So i put my foot down in a positive and polite way.
They got the message.If the talk behind my back so be it.I have had no problems since but i have boundaries and i won't allow others to cross them.I teach my kids manners and respect and if there parents don't have any to teach.I will put my foot down.If not put up with all those kids living in your yard etc.I had the kids asking for food etc to.

If i come home and there in my yard i will tell them nicely as there kids to not be in my yard etc and i will Tell there parents the day there paying half my rent then there kids can stay in my yard etc.lol..it didn't happen again.They still speak to me.I had to get myself a back bone living here if not i was going to be walked all over.lol

Karla - posted on 07/23/2011

1,555

48

51

There is another aspect to this question, they might be wandering children – My neighbor had wandering children who would decide to come over (a long walk at the tender age of 3) I asked her if her mom knew she came over and she said, “yes.” I called the mom, and she said, “NO!” She had no idea her kid had wandered away. (Of course there still is neglect in that story, but the mom did have a rule about it - she wasn’t watching the kids closely, and this little girl had a mind of her own.)

With the young kids I would definitely call the parents and let them know their kids had wandered over and I was sending them back home. I would then give them my phone number so that they can call next time the kids want to visit.

I would also take the time to have a conversation with the parents of the 11 year old telling them I need their child to call and ask if it’s a good time to come over & give the 11 year old your phone number and tell him/her they need to call first.

Don’t feel bad. I know it feels awkward, but it’s your home and family, and you have every right to say “no” to visitors.

Amanda - posted on 03/15/2011

22

0

0

You are in your right to send them home. If something were to happen to one of them you would be liable. the parents need to understand this and understand that you allready have six children in your home. even daycare regulations where I live only allow six children per provider. maybe tell the children that if they want to play they need to get their mother to phone you first to make sure it is ok. or send a note home with them.

[deleted account]

If you have 6 already and it feels like a big deal then it is. I would suggest putting a flag or something similar in your front yard. You can put up a "neighbors welcome" or a "stop busy" sign. Make sure you let your neighbors know that you are doing this so that everyone will be able to tell easily if it is alright for their kids to be over or if your family is just a bit busy or overwhelmed and needs not to have extra kids right then. However, if you do this I would suggest that you at least invite the neighborhood kids over (via the sign) at least twice a week. It doesn't have to be long and you can always send them home after 30minutes to an hours play time.

Just an idea.

Christina - posted on 03/11/2011

1,513

28

140

As a child, I had to go ask permission to play at the neighbor's houses. And I demand he same thing. Right now I live in an apt complex and my kids play outside. They have to ask permission to play with the children outside already playing and have to stay between certain trees (that are in our line of sight from inside) so we can monitor them. I have neighbor kids coming over all the time asking to come inside, and I have no guilt telling them no!
Do you have a backyard? If you do, I would send your kids out to the back to play. I would refuse to let random kids show up and play in my yard without having talked to their parents first!

Sharon - posted on 03/11/2011

11,585

12

1314

I still don't see the issue. If I don't have enough to feed the other kids, I just send them home. If we are leaving, I send them home, if my kids are cleaning up, they are free to stay if the help. If the don't help, but hinder, I send them home. Now 1 child has never come back after that.

I frequently have 6 kids at my house. My 3 and my neighbors 3. Then there are their friends. So maybe 10 to 12 kids on a weekend. Not a biggie.

Karen - posted on 03/11/2011

178

0

23

I was in the same situation a few years back (same ages of kids, too...well, plus a few more, lol) and had to set some boundaries with the kids. I set time boundaries, for one. No, they could not come over before 9:30am and they had to call first if possible. Then everyone had to go home at 11:00 (no way was I feeding lunch to the neighborhood!) and could not come back over until 3pm. Some of them took a few (well, maybe more than a few) times of me opening the door and telling them that they had to go home for a while because it wasn't time for them to be here. These poor kids would literally sit in their doorway watching our house and at the first sign of movement they would be over here. No parents in sight...how sad.

I don't think you are being ugly about having kids over as it is very frustrating to have uninvolved parents letting their kids go to stranger's houses. I felt so bad for the kids I didn't mind having them over because for all I knew this was the only structured, supervised time they might have all week. I also loved knowing that these were kids who usually spent their time glued to the TV/computer and were, instead, running and playing outside - the best place for kids to be.

Emily - posted on 03/11/2011

85

0

3

Good luck to you, Veronica. I have the same problem, but with a twist. The kids from from all over, some so young they are still in diapers... but the kids don't speak english! Ok, two of them do, but they are only 5, and they will show up at (no kidding) 11PM sometimes. I know the parents aren't watching them. Who would let a 5 year old out at 11 PM? Who lets their toddler cross the street by themselves? It worries me, because, like you said, if anything happens to them, I'd be considered responsible, even I didn't know they were out there.

[deleted account]

First off, 4 and 5 year olds shouldn't be wandering around the streets like that. I have a 3 year old and a 6 year old who play only in my back yard w/supervision and really, my 3 year old doesn't go outside w/o me. I've been a little more lienant with my son because he's about to turn 7. He has a friend who lives 4 houses down that he plays with in HIS yard and vice versa, but i Have met and know the boy's parents and he also went to this boys birthday party. Other than that, we don't let young kids stroll around the neighborhood. Tell them kids to get off your property, or rather take the younger ones back home and have a word w/their parents. And that child that's 11.... he/she may be a little older, but I was still never left alone at home at that age! The first time I was left home alone, I was 13 and in junior high school and even that was only for a couple of hours because I got out of school at 3 p.m. and my mom didn't get home from work until 5 p.m. That is still young for a child to be home alone, Wth??? Parent's these days, smhhh...

Carolyn - posted on 03/11/2011

898

19

140

well when i was young, my friends would ask their parents if it was okay for me to go over. and vice versa. My mom never talked to other peoples parents to make sure I had permission to go there.

If my friends parents didnt want people over, they would just say its time for your friend to go home.

We didnt worry about liability for simple kids playing around in the yard crap.

I guess what I am getting at, is maybe have your own children as you for your permission to have friends over. If someone shows up at and calls on your kid, if your kid is playing the yard, its easy to say, i cant play right now.

I dont know, thats what we did. the kid whos house we were playing at was the one to ask permission for us to play there. I guess it was assumed that if i was there, I had permission from my mom to be there. Otherwise, im sure she would come looking for me.

everyone is different though.

Veronica - posted on 03/11/2011

1,539

61

90

I already stated earlier, that one family on the block and I do communicate about our children playing together.

Veronica - posted on 03/11/2011

1,539

61

90

That isnt the deal Sharon, at all. Its having someone else's kids here, no permission - I NEVER see or have talked to these parents - thats what the problem is. It has nothing to do with my kids playing with other kids.

Bonnie - posted on 03/11/2011

4,813

22

257

You are not being a bitch at all Veronica. I would be the same. You have a lot going on with 6 kids. If my kids wanted other kids to come over to play, they would have to ask me first. I have a 4 year old, a mature 4 year old at that and I would never allow him to wander around by himself even if it is only a few houses down.

Sneaky - posted on 03/11/2011

1,170

33

130

You could be a real bitch and call CPS about the unsupervised kids that keep showing up in your yard . . . . it would probably be in the kids best interests since kids with little or no supervision are more likely to be targeted by predators :o(

And NO - you are not being a bitch about being annoyed about this, I would be too!

Becky - posted on 03/11/2011

2,892

44

92

I think that 4/5 is very young to be wandering off down the street on their own. And as for the 11 year old, if his/her parents aren't home and the kid is coming over to your house to play, then it is like you're being used for free childcare! Not cool at all! I guess if my kids were older and invited their friends to come play in the yard with them, I'd be okay with that, but I'd want my kids to run it by me first and I'd want to know the other kids' parents knew where they were.

Veronica - posted on 03/10/2011

1,539

61

90

love it Meghan!! i will be the ugly swamp monster mother! hahahahahah make two of the curlers look like horns (this is stolen from Jeff Foxworthy) scare them all away! hahahaha

Veronica - posted on 03/10/2011

1,539

61

90

thanks for the support and added opinions - i was feeling like a bad person for not wanting these kids here, unannounced, after all they are just kids - its just irritating, and more towards their parents than anything. Like i stated earlier - there are a few other kids on the block who ask if my two oldest can come and play - and i call their mother and work out plans from there.
I was talking to my mom about this before, too -- and i put it in the perspective of - how would those parents react if i sent my five oldest out to roam the street and neighborhood?? i let them all just go off to another house - im pretty damn sure that that parent would NOT be happy to have a handful of kids coming trommping into their yard - id prob. has social services at my door! LOL
I was loooking for other's opinions - and all of you ladies have been a great help for me. Thank you!!

Katherine - posted on 03/10/2011

65,420

232

4849

Yeah really, it's not like you have 2 kids to watch you have, well how many on top of yours?

You have a good point about liability and the parents should be there with their kids. I would say what you said. I don't want the liability if something happens. Plus it's kind of weird for them to just come over on a whim. They should be more respectful knowing how many kids you have and the ages you have.

That is very rude.

Mel - posted on 03/10/2011

5,539

58

226

try and explain that you wouldnt want anything to happen to their kids and that you do have 6 kids close in age an cant possibly watch anymore

Nikkole - posted on 03/10/2011

1,505

31

49

I personally would walk over and just explain your situation and ask the parents if they could call you when the kids wanna come over and play! And do the kids stay home by there selves when the parents are at work? I would NEVER let my little ones play out side alone and def not let them run around to peoples yards without permission i feel thats rude!

Jenn - posted on 03/10/2011

2,683

36

93

I can't say for sure unless I was in the situation and had all of the information, but I know when we were kids it wasn't uncommon to go to the neighbour's house to play or around the corner to our other friend's house or they'd come to our house to play, and we didn't ask first or need permission. It was more like "Hey Mum, we're going to Salina and Beau's house" "OK - be home before supper time" "OK"

Veronica - posted on 03/10/2011

1,539

61

90

the 11 year old and my 8 year old have played together before -- but she is home alone when her parents are working - and just mosey's on over. The four and five/six year old - are always outside, and i never see the parents - ever -- my neighbor claims they are 'watching them from the window' - but they are almost two houses down on my side of the street - there is no way they can see them from the window - and they never come out to peek at the kids or anything - that bothers the crap out of me.

Veronica - posted on 03/10/2011

1,539

61

90

you make a good point, Krista - and i never thought to say they had to bring their parent over to ask.... Im not always up to having kids over either - but i have stated 'not today, sorry'

Erin - posted on 03/10/2011

6,569

25

232

Ahh ok. I would just casually mention to the parents that you would like to be asked before they allow their children to come over. Surely they would understand, especially since you have so many of your own.

Veronica - posted on 03/10/2011

1,539

61

90

one is like 10 or 11 - the other two are about 4 an 5/6 -- the ones down the road ask if my kids can come to their house - and i usually call their mother and ask - but thats different - we parents are communicating about it - not the kids making decisions

Krista - posted on 03/10/2011

24

11

38

I would definitely not be okay with that! What's wrong with those parents?? I'd probably just send the kids home and tell them they need to come back with their parents if they want to play. If the kids keep coming back, you'd have to confront the parents. I wouldn't be too worried about coming off as the neighborhood bitch, because right now the neighborhood lazy asses are using you as the neighborhood daycare...for free!

Veronica - posted on 03/10/2011

1,539

61

90

I usually tell them they have to go home now - when they come over, but they still come over

Erin - posted on 03/10/2011

6,569

25

232

Take them home to their parents!!!

There are a lot of kids in our street, and they all get together once or twice a week to ride bikes and scooters etc. Some of the older ones are unaccompanied (8-9yrs) but the little ones (like my 2yo) always have a parent supervising. If they ever go into someone else's yard, the parent is asked if it is ok. Kids turning up randomly is not cool when they are still young enough to require constant supervision.

Lindsay - posted on 03/10/2011

3,532

26

266

Are they playing with your kids or just showing up and playing out there by themselves? I'm a little confused.

Veronica - posted on 03/10/2011

1,539

61

90

P.S. my friend doesnt think its a big deal - whats the harm she says -- but it is a big deal -- my other friend had random kids playing in her yard too - they got injured, and she got her ass in a can - she was liable cause it was on her property - so i worry about that stuff too

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms