[deleted account] ( 18 moms have responded )
Gilbert ArenasWhen your significant other has a job that takes him on the road, you don't expect him to be around much during your pregnancy. So when does being pregnant alone cross over from "part of the deal" to abandonment?
Laura Govan is known for her tumultuous relationship with Orlando Magic star Gilbert Arenas. But now she's outed Arenas as a bad dad to the Washington Post, claiming he hasn't seen their three kids or attended to the needs of the fourth in her belly, since he was traded to Orlando from the Washington Wizards. If the first part of her claims is true -- he didn't even bother checking in with his kids for Christmas and he hasn't provided any sort of financial support for the family in a month -- he's a jerk.
But then the other bit of information comes out -- the couple broke up. She says he's "abandoned" not just the kids but her too. And that's where she loses us.
Being pregnant sucks for most of us. It would be nice to have the father of your child around, and he should be pitching in to help pay for all of the expenses of pregnancy. But by the time you've gotten around to baby number four, you know what's expected of you. Sleep, throw up, doctor's appointment, lather, rinse repeat. The "help" you need is really with the other three kids, kids who deserve a dad around.
It's "abandonment" for him to not supply that sort of help. But if the two of you have simply broken up while you happen to be pregnant, you, the woman, have not been abandoned. You're just not together.
I hate to break it to you Laura, but it happens. Carrying someone's child does not give us the right to claim a man. He's still his own person, and he's within his rights as a human being to love or not to love. He should want to be there, but you can't force it.
What you can force is his financial support of your pregnancy and your child. If he's an ethical man, hopefully he'll do more than that, even if he isn't "in love" with you. Which is why you should know better than to make a baby with a guy like Gilbert Arenas, a guy who would pull a gun in the locker room and get his butt traded to another city.
But even then, he doesn't owe you; he owes his child. The sooner women learn this, the sooner we'll see an end to all those "trying to trap him" or "trying to change him" pregnancies that crop up among your friend set, and usually end up in divorce.
Is it abandonment if a guy leaves a woman when she's pregnant?