!!! Is it right for a man/boy to defend himself from a woman/girl!!!???

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 07/27/2010 ( 24 moms have responded )

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My son is 7 years old.
Here is my question for you..... Is it right for a man/boy to defend himself?
I would like your opinions, especially for those of you who are mothers of boys. I don’t believe in a man beating on a woman, but I do believe in a man defending himself.
Let me explain…When I was younger I have memories of my mother just beating on my father (im talking bout full on pucnching and slaping and spitting) and he would just take it, or try to get her to calm down, and yet she wouldn’t. I mean it got bad, at times she would throw stuff at him!
Because of that and being a mother of a boys This is my belief today…(a man Is much stronger then a woman by all means so I don’t think he should beat her or take advantage because of the size diff), but I feel that if he gives her a warning to quit putting her hands on him and he tries to walk away, then would he not have the right to defend himself?…I also say this because I teach my son not to hit girls, I teach him to give them a warning to leave him alone and try his best to walk away….and if he cant defend himself…(Like any mother I don’t want anyone picking on my child boy or girl)….As I have said before a man/boy is stronger by far then a woman/girl and therefore a man would only have to give one good hit (if they needed to hit). If I had a girl I would let her know that if a man gives you a warning to leave him alone then do so……no one has the ok to lay hands on you….ever, But does the "A man should never lay hands on a woman/girl" rule apply even when he is being attacked or messed with????

and for those of you who are totaly against men putting there hands on women....then i ask....what do i tell my 7 year old son to do if a girl is punching him in the face or slapping him????

what is your take on this?

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Ez - posted on 07/27/2010

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If a boy is cornered, being attacked and has tried to talk his way out of it and walk away, what other option is there for him than to defend himself? That may just mean he pushes the girl away and runs to an adult. I have no problem with this.

My brother used to do security, and the things women did to him (thinking they would get away with it because they were female) are appalling. He's been spat on, had glasses thrown at his head and was even bitten on the arm so bad it drew blood and he needed HIV tests!! Revolting!!! Being a trained security guard means he had various restraint holds at his disposal, and would usually use them until help arrived. But the bitch that bit him.. well let's just say she ended up on her ass! And I have absolutely no problem with this. Their confrontation escalated from verbal abuse, to her pushing him, to trying to grab his radio so he couldn't call for backup. Eventually she launched and bit him, refusing to let go. I'm sorry, but if I did that to ANYONE I would expect to cop one to the head.

I am anti-violence. I do not smack my daughter. But I will be teaching her the same thing my father taught me.. never EVER start a fight, but it is acceptable to defend yourself if under attack. This only really ever applied to one instance in my life. I was about 10 and two boys were picking on me. They started pushing me around, and kind of had me pinned between them. BIG MISTAKE!! I was MUCH bigger than them (puberty hit early for me lol) and floored them both, then ran to a teacher and dobbed lol.

LaCi - posted on 07/27/2010

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If a woman is REALLY trying to kick a guys ass, then it's perfectly fine, IMO, to knock the bitch out. If she wants to fight like a man, so be it. At 7, I think it's irrelevant. I always think an attempt to restrain should precede defensive violence, but at a certain point you have to do what you have to do. There are a lot of factors that go into something like this that may justify it or not. Bottom line is, if someone attacks you and you feel physically endangered/threatened you may have to resort to violence, regardless of gender.

Nicole - posted on 08/25/2010

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i dont think it is right for a man to hit a woman but that does not make it right for a woman to hit a man i get so fed up with woman using this as some kind of defence tatact,if your a woman and you wanna punch a man then look out cause he proberly gona hit you back.my oldest boy is 10 and i have always said he is never ever to lay a hand on a woman.be a man and walk away.but i have seen many times a woman being bashed by her partner who at first did not want any argument at all but she kept going and going till he snapped and i have no shame in saying that she deserved it.it doesnt make it ok but she had the chance to bugger off but she choose to stay and carry on like a idiot so she got what she asked for.i have always told my son to walk away from violence.but at the same time i WILL NOT allow my son to be picked on he is to stand up for himself and if some kid was to walk up to him and punch him in the face and the other kid was the FIRST one to hit then punch him in the nose,i said make it good cause you'll prob get exspelled for it.this will sound disgusting to many woman out there but too many times i have seen some poor child that gets walked all over by bullies at school and its not on kids need to stand up for themselves or the bulling will never stop.

Patricia - posted on 07/27/2010

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I usually walk away..HOWEVER, If you are a BIG man and a woman that is the same size as you comes at you....yes, they should defend themselves....woman wanted equal rights, now they should have to deal with it! Unless there is a huge size difference, I believe if ANYBODY feels threatened, they should be able to defend as they see fit.

Tara - posted on 07/27/2010

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yep.
I don't think it is right for any person to hit or beat any other person. Gender aside.
Violence is old, out dated and frankly barbaric in todays world. We should be solving things with our super sized brains and superior intelligence. lol
However when that doesn't work than people have the right to defend themselves against attacks by other people. Gender be damned.
If my sons were being hurt by a girl and they had tried to talk their way out of it, tried to walk away etc. and were still being attacked (and they felt their own safety was at risk) than they have my permission to use their self-defense techniques to escape the situation, and move on.
They do not need to lay a beating on the girl (or person). They only need to act in a way that ends the confrontation with the least amount of force and pain. There are many self-defense strategies that will leave your attacker disabled for a short time while you can escape.
As for your son, I would encourage him to use non-violent intervention, to use his words and to learn some forms of self-defense that will help his confidence and protect him.
He is only 7, a girl hitting a boy, boy hitting a girl or girl hitting girl/ boy hitting boy, is all the same to me at that age. If he is being targeted by girls, than deal with them and their parents. Explain that your son does not want to hurt anyone but he is being taunted and hurt by these girls and it's not fair to him. Being respectful of women is one thing, being subservient to them is another thing altogether.
Tara

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24 Comments

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Jessica - posted on 08/26/2010

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ANYONE has a right to defend themselves, regardless of gender. I also believe that women/girls tend to fight harder because of the social stigma and size difference. So if my son punched a girl in the face because she refused to let off, I would have no problem with that. Providing he had tried to avoid the situation in the first place.

Stifler's - posted on 08/01/2010

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I think the whole "man should never hit a woman" thing is sexist. And bullshit. It should apply to everyone and no one should hit anyone else. I'd tell my son to walk away and if she follows to knock her on her arse. Same if a boy or girl was harassing my daughter.

[deleted account]

Meghan that makes sense and I do agree I will also be teaching my son that violence does not get you anywhere BUT if it is neccessary to stop him being beaten up self defence is appropriate whether it be against a girl or a boy (but first he should have tried to walk away and talk it out if they fail he only has one more option self defence).

Although I do think that everybody not just women/ girls should be treated like gold - he should show everybody the same respect as I would hope they will show him JMO though :-)

Ez - posted on 07/27/2010

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Lea that's all good in theory, but doesn't really help Ebony's 7yo in the moment when he's being targeted. He deserves the right to protect himself enough that he can get away and get help.

Lea - posted on 07/27/2010

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COUNSELING. nobody should be hitting anyone else. if they are they need counseling not a beating.

Shelley - posted on 07/27/2010

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I think girls are different these days when i was at school i don't remember any girls being physically agressive but you look in the news almost every other day another taped girl fight and they are brutal. That said i think all our children would benefit from self defence classes. Boy's or girls to use against either. Having been pushed around by a boyfriend when i was younger i wish i had have done something.

Meghan - posted on 07/27/2010

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I honestly don't know why!!! I was trying to think about it but I can't come up with anything other than the fact that it's more socially acceptable for boys to fight boys and girls to fight girls and the stigma of domestic abuse, men are bigger and stronger, and I am ignorant to that..maybe it's becuase of past relationships with men...I just really want to raise J to be the bigger person and to treat woman like gold! Use your words, be a sensitive caring man! I don't know did any of that make sense??

[deleted account]

Can I ask why you would react differently regarding gender?

Surely in an instance where self defence where the appropriate level of 'violence' (in marks because I'm not sure this is the right word) was used is acceptable?

Meghan - posted on 07/27/2010

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Just a gender thing. If a boy attacked him I would rather he walk away but I would support it more so if it was a boy.

Meghan - posted on 07/27/2010

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NO way! If my son EVER hit a girl I would be so upset with him. I don't care if it is in defense. You walk away and go get an adult. I agree that a woman has NO right to attack a man because she can but blocking an attack is not the same. He can put his arms up and like I said walk away.

Rosie - posted on 07/27/2010

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i am a bit biased since my dad beat my mother, sister and i. i cannot stand it when i see a man hit a woman. however, someone pointed out there is a difference between defending yourself and hitting back. if he is using tecniques to get her to stop without actually hitting, i'm a bit better with that. i know i've heard of crazy ass women who just won't stop, like stupid ass snooky on jersey shore. still not comfortable with it. i think my bias is a huge part of this though.

Isobel - posted on 07/27/2010

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hahaaha...I put him in Tai Kwon Do (sp?) , he loves it but it only seems to work on his sister hahahaha

[deleted account]

I completely agree with Teresa there is a HUGE diference between defending yourself and attacking the person back. Maybe they should teach basic self defence techniques as part of PE lessons.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 07/27/2010

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@Laura
Awww that is how my boy is to. he likes the funny guy in class, the one that gets everyone laughing, and havin fun, but when it comes to defending himself...half the time he too cries...but our boys will get tired of crying and start doin sumthin...maybe??

Isobel - posted on 07/27/2010

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I taught my son that he is never allowed to start a fight, but that it is perfectly acceptable to use his hands to stop somebody from hurting him...hasn't worked yet though...he just cries :(

[deleted account]

I'm against violence regardless of gender. Unfortunately I did such a good job of teaching my girls this when they were little that I can't get them to defend themselves when needed. :(

I think there is a huge difference between defending yourself enough to get away from an attack (something I have NO problem w/ for either gender) and attacking the person back.

Krista - posted on 07/27/2010

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I think the best option is to teach our sons things like restraining holds, so that if he is in that situation, and cannot walk away, he can at least stop the attack without actually striking the woman.

It's not really fair, as there are definitely some women out there who are stronger than some men, and who use the "you can't hit a woman" card. But, that's the way our society is (and overall, it IS a good thing), so you kind of have to play by those rules to avoid getting in the type of situation that Toni's brother was in.

[deleted account]

Up until puberty there is NO physical difference in boys and girls so physically they are equal.

I do not agree with any type of violence, but I realise that sometimes self defence is neccesary. I feel that men have the right to defend themselves against violence from women BUT it is a very difficult situation to gauge - my brother was being physically attacked by an ex-girl friend (she was messed up) so to stop her hitting him he pushed her away - she fell onto his car - my brother was arrested for assault, she was free to go even though he was only defending himself and he had the marks to prove it and she was completely unhurt!

I am going to encourage my son to try his hardest to not get into physical violence but if it is really neccessary to defend himself it is acceptable to do this.

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