Just curious

Kimberly - posted on 07/19/2010 ( 62 moms have responded )

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Ok this is just because I'm curious and I dont want it to turn into which one is better etc etc but when I had my daughter who is now 8 months I said I would try to breatsfed her thinking that I would probally not like it and only last a few months if I even got that far. Well I do breastfed and havent had any drama's with it but thats not what this is about.
I have a few friends exspecting and they are not even going to try to breastfeed which is fine its there choice, but I get asked 'while why arent they going to try?' and I dont know the answer so what I wanted to ask:
Is how or why did you choose not the breastfeed at all? I dont want this to be a judging or saying one is better then the other I'm really just curious

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Joanna - posted on 07/19/2010

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Why are you getting asked "Why aren't they going to try?" in regards to your friends? Tell whoever is asking that you don't know and to ask your friends, or to mind their own business.

Sara - posted on 07/19/2010

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I tried to breastfeed my daughter, but I had problems with production and we had to supplement with formula, so after a while I just gave up because it was making me miserable. I think that there's a lot of pressure in society to breastfeed, and while I think it is a good thing to bf your baby, the bottom line is that it doesn't work for everyone nor is everyone comfortable with it. Personally, I think it's far more beneficial to the baby to have a happy mother, and if bottle feeding is how you feel you need to go, then more power to you.

Barbara - posted on 08/05/2010

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Dana- Thanks for mentioning that. I was just wondering if that might be one of the reasons women have trouble with production. Because they need to make the oxytocin in order to let down milk, right? And oxytocin is a sex hormone. So, it kinda has to feel good in sort of the same way that it does when your man does it, in order for it to work at all.
So, anyway, what about the women who start to feel that good feeling, and then say "NO NO NO!" to themselves because it makes them feel dirty or something, thus stopping the oxytocin, stopping the let down reflex, preventing the flow of milk, and then slowly lessening the supply.....Does that make any sense?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/04/2010

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PS Charlene....Kimberly's question was NOT "how do I answer when people ask me personal questions about my friends when I am talking behind their back" it was "how or why did you choose not to breastfeed at all?" That is what she was asking for answers about.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/04/2010

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You are absolutely right...this is a debating forum. This is the second time that I have not agreed with the OP and got other people upset....once again...this IS a debating forum...but it doesn't seem like anyone truly wants a different perspective. That is a shame. Maybe you should re-read what I was initially saying.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/06/2010

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Thank you for clarifying for me Kimberly. The way it sounds to me was not a nonchalant conversation piece. It certainly did sound gossipy, and I appreciate you taking the time to set me straight.

[deleted account]

Dana, you make perfect sense! We do all have our own experiences and of course yours will be different than mine. I was just offering one possible explanation.

[deleted account]

P.S. I'm really glad you guys don't mind my ramblings because they're becoming somewhat of a habit now. lmao. Do I make any sense at all?

[deleted account]

I would like to rebut or challenge your last statement, Sara or perhaps all I'm doing is offering my own experience?!

"it's what you are raised around and exposed to."

While I'm sure that you are correct and that is what happens in a lot of situations, it wasn't the case for me personally. EVERYONE I know or have been exposed to has formula fed.....it's all I knew which I think is why it was so strange when I made the decision to ATTEMPT to breastfeed Roxanne. I did a lot of research, read a lot of books, talked to a lot of people (cuz that's just who I am) and I decided that despite my uncomfortable feelings with the thought of actually doing it that it was best for my baby and I wanted to give it a try.....IF I hadn't succeeded I told myself ahead of time, no harm no foul but at least I tried! Perhaps it was just an overwhelming desire to be different from everyone around me? Who knows but I'm glad I tried and I'm even more impressed with our success of it!

[deleted account]

Dana, you never cease to amaze me...or amuse me is more like it. gqtm

Honestly, I never got aroused from the breast until after my daughter was weaned. I wonder what my experience will be with this next child.

To answer the OP (kind of) I breastfed, because it was the norm for me. My mom did it, all my aunts and cousins did it, so I never gave it a second thought. I was one of the first of my friends to have a child, but the two girls I know that had children before me both breastfed their children. Honestly, I never considered formula. My first experience with formula fed babies was with my husband's nieces and nephews. Then I realized most of his family doesn't/didn't breastfeed and my world was turned upside down!

My point? Perhaps the answer to your question is as simple it's what you are raised around and exposed to. I think I saw an article on this recently. If I find it, I'll post it.

Charlene - posted on 08/05/2010

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Lmao Dana, I always ♥ your ramblings. (Is that creepy for me to say? haha)

I had a really hard time with latching at first, so it was really painful for me and it didn't take long for the skin to toughen to almost a callous so I really didn't/don't feel much, if anything at all**. It's kind of weird.

**That is, unless she decides to have a side of nipple with her milk and take a big 'ol chomp. My does that hurt. :(

[deleted account]

Babara-OMG! That totally makes sense. AWESOME!

I think Loureen summed it up for me....."It doesnt arouse me , its a mix of feel good hormones , sensation and the fact my breasts are so rock hard from an over abundance of milk that when he drinks its such a huge relief "

SO TRUE....it didn't actually turn me on but the stimulation felt awesome. Perhaps it's that feeling that discourages/confuses/intimidates/scares etc. women and causes them to quickly give up thinking there's something wrong. VERY INTERESTING! I'm glad I'm such a perv and just had to share. Hopefully other women that read this will realize that it's normal and that a lot of women experience the same feelings?!

Total "AH HA" moment!

Stifler's - posted on 08/05/2010

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Oh no I meant it didn't feel good or weird or stimulating or anything to me I didn't have enough milk to feed him so maybe that's why.

Charlie - posted on 08/05/2010

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LOL Emma ...

It doesnt arouse me , its a mix of feel good hormones , sensation and the fact my breasts are so rock hard from an over abundance of milk that when he drinks its such a huge relief .

Stifler's - posted on 08/05/2010

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I can get off on nipple stimulation alone.. but when I was breastfeeding it didn't arouse me at all HAHAHA.

Charlie - posted on 08/05/2010

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Dana , LOL i was thinking that the other day .



It feels good when he feeds but there is nothing sexual about it for me when i am feeding him they are breasts when they are sexual they are tits haha but then again ive never been "turned on" by titty play .



Barbara that makes complete sense to me !

Kimberly - posted on 08/05/2010

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Marina to answer your question why I was talking about my friends choice to bf or ff was in a general conversation about how she was doing in her pregnancy, when she was due, etc. The question was asked if she was going to bf and I said she wasnt becasue that was what she had told me and when asked why not I said I didnt know. This was a conversation that was held with a mutual friend and I'm sure she would have asked her herself had she been meeting with her and not myself. It wasnt a conversation that was gossiping or rude about our friend it was just catching up on how everyone was doing. Becasue I had been asked this it got me thinking how people do make the choice to bf or ff as there are many reasons to do both and I thought this would be a good place to ask the question to see what peoples reasons were. I do realize that it is a choice that is personal and between a mother and child and if people dont want to share there reasons I totally respect that but there are mothers that are willing to share and thats what I wanted to hear about.
I made the choice to bf when I had my daughter but when I was younger I thought I never would but I gave it a go and got used to it. Some people just dont like the idea all together and thats fine too. At the end of the day we do whats best for our babies.
I am just a curious person about the choice we make and like seeing both sides to things

[deleted account]

I can see that. They do say there is a small percentage of women that have an orgasm purely from nipple stimulation. I can only assume that those same women would have one from breastfeeding.

Charlene - posted on 08/05/2010

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It's not wrong, actually, it's totally natural according to both my doctor and all the books that have mentioned it. :)

[deleted account]

Although I never had an orgasm, I will admit that on a few occasions when Roxanne would initially latch I would feel aroused....is that wrong? ;)

Charlene - posted on 08/05/2010

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You're right Marina, you have every right to speak your mind.. but there was no need for the rudeness.



And I'm not upset, but you clearly are. Was it because I presented a logical scenario that contradicts your assumptions? If so, then I am sorry for offending you. I really didn't mean it, nor am I trying to pick a fight or act a hero. But you have to remember that this IS a public forum and once you make a post anyone can and will comment on it, whether they agree with you or not.



Again, sorry if my debating with you over your post has offended you. It wasn't intentional, I merely wanted to point out another option that you seemed to over look. Sorry.



@Emma.. I heard that too.. actually it was in one of the books that I recieved from one of my doctors. If I was a woman who got aroused from breastfeeding, I don't think I would be able to continue with it.. I think that would be a deal breaker.

Stifler's - posted on 08/04/2010

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Wow, settle down. What's all this crap about her talking behind her friend's back? She was just asking a question. While I was pregnant I read something about a percentage of women having orgasms while they breastfed. I was like LOL. I thought it might be weird that way but then while I was doing it I didn't even think about it.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/04/2010

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For crying out freaking loud Charlene...talk about being self rightous...you are actually talking for someone in here. She is a big girl and can answer for herself. I have no interest in anything further that you have to say since you obviously are strictly trying to pick a fight with me, and try to look like a big hero for it. I have a different perspective of her words, and I have every right to speak my mind...obviously you do not think so. That is fine,...I am done talking to you about this. And yes, you clearly got upset about my interpetation on the matter,.

Charlene - posted on 08/04/2010

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is the second time that I have not agreed with the OP and got other people upset....

Who's upset? Not me. I was merely pointing out that you assumed (and accused), in a rude and self-righteous manner, that she was talking about her friend behind their back, which is not necessarily the case.

I also don't understand how it is that you don't 'agree' with the OP, yet she only asked a question?? She never judged or even stated an opinion, she was just curious.

PS Charlene....Kimberly's question was NOT "how do I answer when people ask me personal questions about my friends when I am talking behind their back"

You're right, but I never said it was. In case you didn't actually read my replies, I clearly said that she was looking for input from other mothers. But I guess I needed to practically spell it out and add that she was looking for input from mothers as to why THEY chose not to breastfeed. And actually, you are the one who implied she was talking about her friend behind their back.

Anyway.. this is getting way off topic. Sorry Kimberly! :)

Back to your question. I actually chose to breastfeed from early on in my pregnancy, but I also have an aunt that I am really close with who breastfed all three of her children. Having been around that a lot, it made me very comfortable in my decision to give it a whirl. Also, I was living in a different province while pregnant and the doctors and nurses that I went to while pregnant were very supportive about breastfeeding and giving out research without being overly pushy.

I do however, have a couple friends who went straight to formula and they all had various reasons. Some were uncomfortable with the idea of it, some didn't realise just how much better it is for baby and mom, and some just didn't have the support needed.

Hope this helped a little. :)
And sorry for getting it off topic. :P

Charlene - posted on 08/04/2010

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Marina, it's a public debating forum. To assume that you would get a response from ONLY the OP is ridiculous. You should have sent her a private message if you didn't want other people to voice their opinion. ;) No need to get your knickers in a bunch. ;)

And clearly she doesn't know the answer to the question, which is why she was looking for input from other mothers. I'm just guessing, but I don't think she was looking to be told that she needs to do some self-reflection, though... that was just plain rude.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/04/2010

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And to ASSUME anyone can answer a very personal question about someone ELSES decision to ff or bf...wow..If anyone asked me if any one of my friends that was preggo was going to bf, or what they are gonna name the baby, or the sex etc...my responce would be "you should ask (insert name here) I don't know."

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/04/2010

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Wow Charlene...I think you must have ASSUMED I asked you. I was clearly asking Kimberly and bringing up a point that bothers me. I can only understand what she wrote..so I am asking about it. Since the day she posted this question it has bothered me and I finally decided to say something.

[deleted account]

Barbara- I hope you didn't, but I think you misunderstood my point. Anyone who knows me, knows, and maybe I wasn't clear, BUT, I fully 100% support the right or choice to formula feed. I'm not trying to push breastfeeding on anyone....I did both....exclusively breastfed til 6 months, pumped and fed via bottle til 11 months and formula after that until 15 months (Roxanne has an allergy to the protein in cow's milk). I'm neutral and understand and agree with both sides of this NEVER ENDING debate. I was just trying to offer some encouragement or support to those mothers who are struggling with whether or not they want to try. That's all!

Charlene - posted on 08/04/2010

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Wow, Marina.. have you never heard that saying about assumptions??

It's entirely possible that she's not rudely talking behind her friend's back. I've been asked questions about another person's desicion's before, not always in a two-faced way, sometimes it's genuine curiosity or concern.
For example, my BIL's girlfriend is having twins. A friend of mine, who happens to know his girlfriend asked me how she was doing and when I told her she was pregnant with twins, then the questions started flowing. When is she due? How is she feeling? Is she excited? Is she going to breastfeed? Do they need anything? All questions that she could have asked her, and I'm sure she would have, but it just happened to come up when she was talking to me. So it's entirely possible that it wasn't being said in a judging way.

Barbara - posted on 08/04/2010

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Dana- That's great that you were able to overcome that initial uncomfortable feeling, but that is your experience. Maybe there are people that are even more uncomfortable than you were. Some things run really deep, you know? I would hate to do something that felt really sexual with my child. That would make me feel guilty and miserable. Some women might not be able to push past those things that easily, and to me that's understandable.
Times are changing. People are breastfeeding more and more. The more visible it is, the more people will feel comfortable with it. It is an amazing experience, but you have to be in the right kind of headspace before it can be amazing. We'll all get there eventually, I hope.

[deleted account]

Just for the record, I wasn't "comfortable" with the idea of it before I had children either but I wanted to give it a try and I ended up loving it! I think people need to push past those uncomfortable situations sometimes because even when you're initially uncomfortable doesn't mean it won't prove to be an amazing experience and a lot of the time it's just the fear of the unknown, IMO anyhow!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/04/2010

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You missed the entire point of my statement Aura, it is fine that she is curious for her own sake but it is obvious she is talking behind her friends backs about there decission. That is what I was curious about. She has plenty of answers for the other part of her question..The point that I have already stated really bothered me so I was asking her about it.

Barbara - posted on 08/04/2010

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Michelle got to the bottom of it, I think. How can a woman really be expected to breastfeed when to her breasts are for sex? Why would you want to stick a dirty, slutty, sex object in your baby's mouth? It is totally understandable that someone would be uncomfortable with that, no matter what people say are the benefits of doing so.
I was lucky enough to be raised by a woman who breastfed, and was very nonchalant about breastfeeding, so from a young age I knew that breasts have multiple uses.
There are other body parts that are very sexual, like mouths and hands and eyes, but they have other uses besides sex, and people see them all the time in non sexual ways. So, we kiss and tickle and gaze lovingly at our babies, and there is no sexuality in it, despite the "sexual" parts involved. Not everyone gets to see breasts in that way.
I think the little ones who grow up in the current atmosphere where breastfeeding is more and more accepted will be more likely to be comfortable with it. It will just take some time.

[deleted account]

I think she was asking for her own personal knowledge, not so that she would have something to tell people when they ask. Who knows why these people are choosing to ask her, but our answers aren't exactly her friend's answers. She was "just curious".

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/04/2010

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So, here is my question back...why are you in a position for someone to be askin YOU about a VERY private choice between mother and child??? Why are you talking about your friends decission like this for someone to ask you for their answers???? A bit of self reflection is necessary.

Elisabeth - posted on 08/04/2010

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I think it is a bit sad to not even attempt breastfeeding and not give it a chance.

I breastfed each of my three babies but not for very long. I just didn't have the milk so all three were sup fed with formula but ultimately were full time bottle babies.

I did love breastfeeding and was a little teary each time I realised that I was going to be stopping, but in saying that, I also don't know that I would have been a long term breastfeeder even if I had have been able to ... I suppose I will never know!

Stifler's - posted on 08/03/2010

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I wanted to breastfeed and tried really really hard but had no milk. I got nothing but negative feedback from other mothers, the only encouragement I had was from nurses at the clinic. People are so stupid. Breasts are made for breastfeeding, why the hell not try.

Danielle - posted on 07/22/2010

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My back isn't up. I would not have joined a debate group if something that minimal was going to bother me. I'm just explaining/clarifying why I didn't feel the need to try it before deciding breastfeeding wasn't for me. Typing makes it hard to get my point across without it seeming like I'm being short because obviously we can't hear each other's tones of voice and what not.

[deleted account]

And I respect that....I meant NO disrespect....I was just stating my opinion....you're right, I don't NEED to understand it.....I was only explaining that I don't! No need to get your back up!

Danielle - posted on 07/22/2010

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You don't need to understand why someone wouldn't try before they decide it's not for them. You make your choices the way that is best for you, and other women make their choices the way that is best for them. Some people know things are not for them before trying it out firsthand. I am one of those people.

[deleted account]

Danielle- you said that one of the reasons you bottle/formula fed was because your son was born by c-section and had low blood sugar? My daughter was also born by emergency c-section and had dangerously low blood sugar levels and was kept in the NICU for a week. She was bottle fed formula by the nurses until I was out of surgery at which point I began breastfeeding.

I wasn't keen on breastfeeding before I became pregnant and if you would have asked me in previous years I would have told you there was absolutely no way I would breastfeed my child but while I was pregnant I decided to give it a whirl...I exclusively breastfed Roxanne for 6 months at which point she refused the breast so I continued pumping and freezing my milk. I stopped pumping around 8 months and my frozen supply ran out around 11 months.

I can understand the appeal of bottle/formula feeding and I totally respect a mother's decision to do what works best for her and her baby but I can't understand why someone wouldn't at least TRY before they decide it's not for them? You don't know until you try....right?

Danielle - posted on 07/22/2010

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I chose not to breastfeed for a number of reasons.

I had gestational diabetes and my son was born by c-section. He had low blood sugar and required a bottle right away to bring his sugar level up. I was still on the operating table while he was eating.

Also having to do with the gestational diabetes...I had to completely change my life and diet when I found out I had it. Not that I ate bad food beforehand, but I obviously could no longer indulge in a bowl of ice cream after dinner or a glass of iced tea on a hot day. I had to take my blood sugar regularly throughout the day...finger pricks get annoying! When I got pregnant I also quit smoking, drinking, and partying (of course). Again, this was a huge lifestyle change for me because my pregnancy was unexpected. While I don't miss the partying lifestyle and I am SO happy my son changed my life so much for the better...I kind of just wanted my body back. I didn't want to have to be so careful about what I ate anymore. I didn't want sore boobs.

The freedom associated with bottle feeding appealed to me because it meant that if I wanted to lay down for a nap, my fiance could give the baby a bottle if he needed one. If I was out in public, I wouldn't need to find a private place to breastfeed (some women are comfortable just breastfeeding out in front of everyone, I would not be one of those women).

All of these reasons sound selfish but I did do a lot of research before making a final decision. I am aware breast milk is best for your baby. I spoke to my doctor about it and he assured me that formula is designed to be as close as humanly possible to breast milk and that my son would be just as healthy if I did bottle feed. My son did thrive on formula so I do not feel guilty for not breastfeeding. He gained weight well and he is smart as a whip at 15 months old. He also got to bond during feeding time not only with me but with his father, grandmother, and various other family members.

I have to admit...getting my son off the bottle has been difficult. I don't know if breast feeding mothers go through the same difficulty when weaning but I know how hard getting my son to give up the bottle is!

[deleted account]

I have to admit that, after having nursed, I am a firm breast is best person. I will not judge other mothers on their choice, though I would suggest that they at least give it a go. Your mind separates the sexual and the nursing very well.

Having said that, I have a friend that automatically decided to bottle feed because her breasts were large enough. She didn't want to have to deal with even larger breasts. (She is actually considering breast reduction). That is the only person I know about.

[deleted account]

I agree in my hospital and area there is not enough help to b/f and in the hospital its all conflicting information from one nurse to another.I also felt judged by the nurses when i was doing fine i got the looks or the didnt want to listen to my worries concerns or if i wanted advice but as soon as i gave one bottle to sleep as i didnt want to have her on the boob in my bed while drugged up as the nurse advised, then a 100 nurses with all there different information came out of the wood work.

Michelle - posted on 07/19/2010

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I didn't BF with my first daughter and I have no intention of BF with my second daughter who will be here in roughly 10 weeks. My reason is my own, but I will share it with you because you are trying to get everyone else input. I have no desire to breastfeed because as far as I am concerned that area is strictly recreational use only. The thought of my daughter BF and then having physical time with my husband seems strange and makes me extremely uncomfortable. I try to imagine BF and the thought makes me sick to my stomach. SO that is my reason.

Kimberly - posted on 07/19/2010

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Thanks for your reply's ladies! I don think there is alot of misinformation out there about breastfeeding both good and bad and just wanted to see other people's views on the matter. When I was pregnant I went to a breastfeeding class when I was about 6months and I can really say that it was because of this class that changed my mind to actually give it a real go, up until then I was like 'if I can I can if I cant I cant'. I really think that as a society we should give mom's a break and just support them with their new babies wether they bottle or breast feed.

[deleted account]

Some simple don't want to try because the know b/f is not what the want to do and thats cool..i tried and now i know the feeling of trying my hardest to do it and not being able to achieve a wonderful experience due to my first daughter not wanting to feed for two days and my second, well i gave up for me not her and it was going well for her..its hard to really want something and not go ahead with it or be able to do it for medical reasons or being in so much pain after an emergeancy c-section,many may feel i am making excuses but i feel i can only be real to myself and how can i feed a baby on demand in so much pain and not being able to stay awake,..some will feel why try, to know the feeling of failure or to know deep down the dont want to or know the will quit soon after.

[deleted account]

I BF for all of 3 weeks then my milk dried up - I then moved to FF. I was judged for wanting to BF to start with because it was not the done thing in my in-law family, then I was judged for moving to FF because breast is best! Feeding a child in whichever way works for your family is the best (although NOT cows milk wow Amie that woman is loony) - only your friends can know what is best for them.

I have friends who decided not to BF at all because of a whole host of reasons, one hated the thought of a baby sucking her breast (her words), another was too poorly after having an emergency c-section and needed time to recoup, another had used FF before and found it worked best for her - there are so many more reasons I have been told. If you want to know why your friends are not going to BF ask them - tell them your just curious as to their reasons as you too was not going to BF until your hubby persuaded you otherwise.

Amie - posted on 07/19/2010

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Everyone on the planet (well close enough) knows breastfeeding is the best thing for baby.

Yes some women choose not to BF. I'm not going to kick up a fuss about it. Nor am I going to ask them why. It's not my business.

If she decided not to BF or formula feed, then ya I'd say something. Before anyone asks, I know someone I went to HS with who got a hold of me awhile ago. She has since had a baby. She did not BF nor formula feed. Her baby has gotten cow's milk since day one. Because BFing wasn't possible (not sure why) and she didn't believe in formula. Yup you read that right, didn't believe in formula. I felt like slapping her.

Jaime - posted on 07/19/2010

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I gave breast feeding my best effort, but was not able to produce much milk. Even though I support both formula and breast feeding equally, I always have and always will encourage anyone asking for advice to make sure they are FULLY informed on all accounts. Your friends are likely against breastfeeding as a result of misinformation or most commonly, a poor self-image and the esteem necessary to see breastfeeding as a truly important experience for a child if at all possible. The best thing you can do is to lead by example...it's possible that if they see how much success you've had, they will want to give it a try.

[deleted account]

I know you're asking about people that chose NOT to breastfeed, but I chose to try breastfeeding my twins cuz I knew it was good for them and it was free. I had no clue if I'd be able to or not, but it worked.

Started doing it (still doing it actually) for the same reasons w/ my son. :)

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