lactose intolerance "intolerance"??? and other issues...

Karla - posted on 05/01/2012

Wow, I just read through the whole thread, there was a lot being said in the last few hours, and I'm glad I read it. Jamie I like your plan for visiting the bank and seeing what you can do to limit his access to the money. It really sounds like even he knows he has a problem with spending on Magic cards, so hopefully he will understand your efforts.



I was going to suggest you check into food stamps, but from what you are saying there would be enough money if your husband wasn't addicted to spending and/or magic cards. It still might be something to check into though.



Honestly, I'm recommending checking this out: http://www.spenders.org/are_you.html



Also, you might want to consult with the local YWCA or Social Services for sliding scale marital counseling . I completely agree with Jodi that one's education in psychology does not mean you should have all the answers, it's okay to get some advice from an impartial professional.



Hang in there Jamie! I know it had to be hard to try to rant about something that appears little, when if fact it's a bigger issue. It's okay, we all have a burden or two... hang in there.



edit for my grammatical errors... and probably missed a few. ah, well.

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2012

"Jodi, marriage councilling may be a good idea but they can't afford milk, I doubt they can afford that."

I guess it depends. Here, if you have a low income, you can qualify for really low cost marriage counselling, from $20 for a session. So I wasn't sure. But if she could get hubby on board about the counselling, he might be willing to give up a couple of cards for it if he realises how bad things are.

But I think Cathy's idea is perfect!!!!

Cathy - posted on 05/01/2012

And make sure the joint account has a block to stop you going into overdraft.

Cathy - posted on 05/01/2012

Jodi, marriage councilling may be a good idea but they can't afford milk, I doubt they can afford that.
Jaime, since the issue isn't actually milk but hubbies stupid hobby. Set up another bank account. When it's pay day (for either of you) withdraw all the money except what you think is an acceptable amount for him to spend on his cards. Put the rest of the money in your account. When he complains where all the money is you can present him with his own bottle of regular milk!

Jaime - posted on 05/01/2012

Rebecca, he would definitely know the difference, he has super taste buds. As for selling his cards, that seems way too harsh. Besides, I wouldn't know where to get the best deal and the only card shop in town is the one he frequents. Everyone knows him there and if they even let me sell his stuff, I would be considered a major bitch for doing it to him. It would be almost as bad as if I left him for somebody else. He probably wouldn't forgive me, would say some bull like he wouldn't do that to my stuff, even though I don't have shit compared to him. Just not worth it.

Rebecca - posted on 05/01/2012

Just a suggestion, you could get a whole milk container from a friend or neighbour, wash it out and fill it with your milk. My mother used to use that trick for cereal, putting the no name brand Cheerios in the brand name box. I'm sure he will not know the difference, if he does not actually have a digestion problem.

My brothers were obsessed with Magic growing up and still do play sometimes, so I'm pretty familiar with it. Personally, I'd probably take all of his cards and sell them when he was out one day. I'd probably spend it on something for your child that you can't take back once it has been used. I'd figure, why not? He's not consulting you about how he spends your family's money, you might as well do the same.

Jaime - posted on 05/01/2012

I don't know if our bank will let us. When we opened the savings account, we requested that both of us would have to be present in order to make any withdrawals or pretty much have anything to do with it, but they said they couldn't do that for some reason, something about because we were married or some bull like that. I have no idea. Will have to check it out, though. I may go there tomorrow and ask about it. If not, then I may just have to open an account at a different bank, or set it up so that it's just one or the other instead of a joint account.

Stifler's - posted on 05/01/2012

Open another account for yourself and net bank transfer all the money you need for the week and he can have what's left.

Jaime - posted on 05/01/2012

I was stupid and opened a joint account where both our checks get deposited. I need to figure out something else. This is obviously not going to work.

Oh, and he'd just spend anyway. He'd get into our savings account if he really wanted to. we have $125 saved up since February. We were supposed to be able to put about $500 in a month. We have yet to get up to anywhere near that.

We were ahead a full two weeks of our bills. Then he bought those stupid cards, and we were late on our insurance and now will be again on our gas bill. Thank God our next two bills are only about $70 all together and we both get paid this Friday.

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2012

Hey, he can't spend it if you get to it first....right?

Jaime - posted on 05/01/2012

Haha MeMe that sounds good but alas, no receipts for me anyway :P

Jaime - posted on 05/01/2012

We don't get a receipt with our WIC purchases. As for the fruits and veggies, thankfully I am good at picking and choosing the best prices and we get $10 for me, $6 for Julie, so we just combine it and get a bunch of stuff that we know Julie will eat, as well as a bag of apples for me and oranges for hubby, and those fruits and veggies last us all month. And yes, they dictate what you can get. You have to get WIC approved items, and those are very few in my area.

With us, though, it lasts a good while. We usually only have to buy more bread and cereal, and then of course we buy meat, but thankfully a local grocery here has a great sale called pick 5 for $20, and you basically get five things of 5lb meat for $20, and that generally lasts us a good while. so we really don't have to spend much on food, but gas money, unexpected bills, and hubby's spending cuts into what we ought to be using to stock our fridge.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/01/2012

Ah shit, eh'... ;)

Janice - posted on 05/01/2012

The receipts say "WIC" on them so you can't do that. Interesting idea though ;)

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/01/2012

Ah, OK. I was just thinking though for Jaime. If it were me (yeah, all the haters can call me a liar) I would be keeping my receipt and bringing back 2 gallons the next day and saying "my husband" bought 8 gallons of "lactose free" he was suppose to buy 6 gallons and 2 gallons of Homo. They would never know anything other than that. Why would they care, if the jugs aren't opened than they would exchange. I have had to exchange (for honest reason) before.

I buy 6 gallons of milk at a time, so I couldn't see them questioning it. I don't know, just a thought. I am not saying it is an Einstein thought, by any means. ;)

Janice - posted on 05/01/2012

Meme, yes you do get a receipt but I usually just tell them to throw it out. WIC is not meant to feed your family for the week. It is just supposed to be a supplement. I spend about 90$ a week on groceries besides the WIC and about 10-12$ a week is on fruits and veggies most of which I buy fresh. Groceries are cheaper here. A gallon of milk where I live is 2.99 for the store brand. Apples are currently 1.69 a pound but I live in NY and they are much cheaper in the fall.

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2012

Can I just say that classes in Psychology don't matter? I have a Psych major, and yet I have been to marriage counselling. It is not something you should use to self-diagnose. You can't be objective enough.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/01/2012

OK - I have a question. When you purchase your items using the WIC vouchers, do you get a receipt at the end? Like a regular one, that you would normally get if you were purchsing those things yourself?



ETA:

I know when I was on assistance and if I needed a voucher, I got a regular receipt from the cashier. So, I am curious.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/01/2012

Janice---with the fruits and veggies you can get anything that does not have anything added - fresh, canned or frozen but a kid only gets 6$ a month and a pregnant or breastfeeding mom only gets 10$ a month.

What the heck can you buy, fruit and veggie wise, with this little amount of money?? My goodness. I spend $10 just on a bag of 10 apples! That is insane. A child needs more fruit and veggies than that.

Janice - posted on 05/01/2012

Sorry to thread-nap ;)

Laura WIC is very complicated. It provides milk, cheese, bread, eggs, cereal, juice, peanut butter, beans, and fruits and veggies. You get checks that specify exactly how much you must buy - you can not buy more or less. Also you can only buy brands and types approved by WIC. So even though the loaf of wheat bread made a my local baker is cheaper and 20 oz., I am required to buy an approved national brand in exactly 16 oz. with the fruits and veggies you can get anything that does not have anything added - fresh, canned or frozen but a kid only gets 6$ a month and a pregnant or breastfeeding mom only gets 10$ a month.

Isobel - posted on 05/01/2012

and I don't understand how wic works...I thought you were allowed to go grocery shopping and pick things that were on a "healthy food" list. Are you saying that they deliver your food to you? or you HAVE to buy specific milk?

Isobel - posted on 05/01/2012

This thread should be entitled "my husband is so addicted to stupid cards that he won't buy food for his family".

Janice - posted on 05/01/2012

Magic - really? We used to play that game as teenagers. Is he really changing decks so often that he needs new card each week? That's nuts!



Anyways, IMO just ignore your husbands milk complaints. Don't trick him, the issue is not worth your time. If getting regular milk was important to him he would put in the cart. 4$ for a gallon a week is not that much.



LMCBW - WIC will not provide two types of milk. If mom is pregnant and has a baby under 2 the checks with moms name will be for 1% or skim and the checks with the 1 year olds name will be for whole milk. Other wise its just 1% or skim for all.



ETA: just read Jaime's WIC response. Yeah, getting anything changed is a pain. If I didn't truly need to shave 20-25$ off my grocery bill each week I wouldn't bother. Too much milk, peanut butter and cereal and not enough bread, fruits and veggies.

Jaime - posted on 05/01/2012

what's really sad is that both of us have taken classes in psychology. we know what our problems are. unfortunately, it's hard to fix when only one of us is trying at a time. he says he's trying, but then he goes off and spends like he does. and i don't know if we can afford a counselor right now.

Jaime - posted on 05/01/2012

Stifler's Mum, we do, but he doesn't like the milk we get.

Jodi, he's into this collectible card game called "Magic: The Gathering" and that shit gets expensive. Believe me, I have addressed his spending on those cards, but again, doesn't do any good to talk to him and he just goes to the bank to get money out.

LMCBW, after the trouble I went through trying to get the lactose-free for Julie, let alone myself, I doubt they're going to let me switch any of it back. They only gave it to Julie because she was on ProSobee and had doctor's approval. With me I had to beg for it. Guess I shouldn't have, huh.

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2012

Jaime, I am only saying I am sensing bigger issues here that need to be addressed, because there really shouldn't be arguments/resentment in a relationship over something that is a basic staple item of food. Have you guys had any counselling? Personally I think you need it, because this is not something that will get better on its own. But that's just my opinion.

Jaime - posted on 05/01/2012

I've tried the certain amount set back a week. He always dips into that too. We have about $10 for gas to last us the rest of the week, my car is on E, and husband works outside city limits, 30min away. That $10 may seem like a lot to other people, but for someone who was able to save up hundreds a month when I was living by myself working a minimum wage job, it's a bit annoying when we end up with only $10 a week, every week. And even more so when all that money I had saved was gone the minute we got married.

Yes it's a money issue and it freaking sucks. But I bitch about it on here because bitching about it to him just gets him depressed and then he wants to go buy some more because he links buying new things to being happy. Never-ending cycle of stupid, I know this. Wrong community to be posting this anyway, but I'd probably get blasted everywhere else too so what's the difference.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/01/2012

See if WIC can give you whole milk AND lactose free. That may be an easy fix.

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2012

Ah, that's right, my apologies :)

What are these cards that he is spending all this money on? That sounds like the real issue here that needs to be addressed between the two of you, not whether you have $1 extra to spend on milk. You know it won't stop at the milk and cereal issue unless you address this bigger issue as a couple, right?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/01/2012

What cards is he getting? And why would you say you are a horrible parent for using WIC? Has anyone implied that? I hope not. People need assistance, that is nothing to be ashamed about. Yeah your husband needs to stop buying his "cards". That isn't very fair, but it is just milk.

Stifler's - posted on 05/01/2012

I thought you got more milk than you needed from WIC?

Jaime - posted on 05/01/2012

Jodi, that was actually about the cereal, which he has stopped eating out of the box constantly, so yay. But now he's fussing about the milk. And if you haven't read my other posts, just factoring it in doesn't help when he won't follow the damn budget anyway. Most of our food does come from WIC (what horrible parents we are, surely, that we only get food through WIC) but again, wouldn't have to if my husband didn't spend $60 a week on his stupid cards. I wonder WHY I have issues with him when it's his fault we don't have the money to get the "better" stuff he wants.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/01/2012

I understand her situation fine. It comes down to a money issue. I understand that just fine.

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2012

" I just don't understand, how someone can keep drinking something, complain but yet not fix it. Meh."



Honestly, it is a male thing....my husband is the same. He's been bitching about a sore tooth for days and I'm like "well book a fucking dental appointment and get it seen to". But no, he hasn't done that yet - admittedly he has been very busy, but still. It's not something I can do for him (because I never have a clue what his schedule is from one day to the next).



I would just never argue or get that pissed off about a gallon of milk a month. Pick your battles, this is not one I would pick. That's an easy one to fix. $1 a week? I'm pretty sure $1 a week can be found somewhere just to shut him the fuck up.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/01/2012

Jodi---Personally, I think having a situation over a gallon of milk is ridiculous. Just factor it into your budget and be done with it.

Yes, I agree with this 100%. ;) It is what I would be doing.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/01/2012

LMCBW---When it comes to food, it is not a battle in my house. Other things may be, but my husband is not one to make a fuss over food. Maybe other things, not food.

Which is perhaps why, you may not understand Jaime's conundrum. Heck, I even find it hard to get around in my head (it is confusing to me). I just don't understand, how someone can keep drinking something, complain but yet not fix it. Meh.

I don't have these issues either but I am also not on a strict budget. I have been before though and I can see Jaime's reason for not running around trying to suit every little "food" issue her husband comes up with. This isn't the first one. ;)

I think Jaime puts up with a lot. Well, more than I would. hehehehee

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2012

Personally, I think having a situation over a gallon of milk is ridiculous. Just factor it into your budget and be done with it. Wasn't it only last month you were making comment about him drinking it at all because it is supposed to be for you and the kids?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/01/2012

Jaime, if it will last him that long, maybe just make the initiative to buy it. I get the bills, trust me I do. But if he is gonna keep drinking it, and complaining that it hurts him, it may be worth the $4.00 the next time you are at the store. I know it can be difficult to scrape money together sometimes.

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2012

Personally, I think lying/bluffing to your partner about milk in a jug is rather insulting to him. How would you feel if he bluffed you about something just to shut you up? A bit patronising to say the least.

**Jackie** - posted on 05/01/2012

Jaime, I am really sorry for causing a stir in your thread. I got out of hand and anyone that knows me on here knows that is out of character for me. I hope your husband can get his act together in that department. I hope you got some good suggestions or at least ideas from some of the moms who contributed. Sorry again :)

Stifler's - posted on 05/01/2012

Konjac noodles are vegetable noodles they are stickier and stuff. And a bit less tasty. And have no carbs.

Jaime - posted on 05/01/2012

There's no need for name-calling and stuff like that :(

And actually, a gallon of whole milk would probably last my husband most of the month, so I'm certainly not against him getting it, he just doesn't seem to want to bother. Like I said, too interested in his hobbies. The registration on his car is about two months overdue because he "forgot" and now even with me reminding me, he would rather spend the $30 his registration would cost on his cards. Same with his phone being out of minutes, just another $35 after tax. I would never buy yarn for my crocheting when I KNEW I had bills to pay.

**Jackie** - posted on 05/01/2012

One of the many reasons why I adore you MeMe :)

**Jackie** - posted on 05/01/2012

Really? You're pulling the authority card? You know, you should never say never...there have been many many threads in which I have helped people, and many threads in which my opinion has been altered or changed all together. You are just upset that you and I got into a verbal spat. Closing down this thread would not "suite my fancy", nor is it fair to Jaime,...with that being said. I will now just choose to not respond to anything you say in this thread.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/01/2012

Oh come on. I can see why she is defensive. It made me feel the same. Telling someone that they do not need to lie and be deceptive is down right offensive. You know it, LMCBW.

None of us are liars, which BTW, is a jugement to character and will create a defensive response. You can't judge or belittle ones character and expect them to thank you.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/01/2012

When it comes to food, it is not a battle in my house. Other things may be, but my husband is not one to make a fuss over food. Maybe other things, not food.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/01/2012

Jackie, you can never have a discussion or a debate without making things personal. Yeah, you do get defensive. Yeah, you do get nasty and verbally abusive. So, how bout you stop instigating, or I am gonna have to lock this thread down in order for another moderator to review it? Would that suite your fancy?

**Jackie** - posted on 05/01/2012

OHHHHHH talk to him?! Why didn't I think of that!? Hey Jaime!! Did you try talking to your husband? lol cheese and rice you're funny

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/01/2012

There you go then. You have a practical husband. Which, many are not. I think perhaps, it is not I that do not know most men. ;)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/01/2012

*Rolling my eyes*