Lock them in their rooms...

Cathy - posted on 06/23/2010 ( 31 moms have responded )

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http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/nationa...

MISBEHAVING children should be locked in their bedrooms - preferably with a padlock on the door - according to the latest TV parenting expert.

New Zealand's answer to the Supernanny, Nigel Latta, believes rationalising with naughty toddlers is like trying to talk to ''drunk rugby hoons with language skills of a chimpanzee'' and instead advocates keeping them under lock and key when they play up.

Latta also believes children should be ignored, left to fall over and learn that the world doesn't revolve around them because it isn't beneficial for parents to entertain their kids 24 hours a day and shelter them from every danger.

Latta, who is sure to raise eyebrows when his show screens here later this year, says parents have been scared into shelving their common sense by an age of self-help books and political-correctness.

"Parents are molly-coddling, bubble-wrapping and over-stimulating their children because they're terrified of letting them stew in averageness by letting them get bored," the father-of-two said.

"I have no problem with saying to my boys 'Go away and entertain yourself, I'm reading the paper'."

"And that's what they do.''

Latta, who spent time in Melbourne earlier this year filming an Aussie version of his hit series The Politically Incorrect Parenting Show for Channel 9, says parents should also toughen up when it comes to discipline.

While he doesn't advocate smacking children, Latta says plenty of people, such as himself, grew up in an era where smacking was common-place and lived to tell the tale.

"All this stuff about getting down to their eye level and explaining patiently what they've done wrong is just too hard and who can be bothered?'' he said.

"Rationalising with two and three year-olds is like trying to explain bad behaviour to drunken rugby hoons with the language skills of a chimpanzee.

"We should stop treating children like adults. Children shouldn't grow up thinking that the world is fair.

"Instead of trying to reason with them, I believe in throwing them in their room until they calm down. I even take it one step further and say put a padlock on the door and physically lock them in there. As long as there are no venomous snakes or firearms in the room what's the harm? The worst they can do is bang their head on a door or bump their head.''

Latta believes children should be allowed to make mistakes even if it means a few tears, bumps and bruises along the way.

"I want my kids to learn to live in the real world, to know that it can be hard and disappointing,'' he said.

"I want them to walk themselves to school, to ride their bikes - fast - and jump over gutters.

"And even have a pocket knife.''

Latta says the best advice he can give to parents is to "calm down and stop over thinking everything''.

"If you're worried about emotionally damaging your child then you probably aren't. I've worked with a lot of people who have done that and the big difference is they don't really give it much thought,'' he said.

"It shouldn't be so hard. I would just prefer people enjoyed it more rather than spending all their time worrying and feeling guilty about doing the wrong thing."


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31 Comments

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Alison - posted on 06/26/2010

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Like most parenting articles, some good ideas mixed with bits of crazy. I suspect they toss the crazy stuff in just to make it into a more interesting read.

Fiona - posted on 06/25/2010

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I don't know, I think I would be even more concerned about locking a child with a propensity for lighting fires in a room by himself. It may prevent him from gaining access to combustibles at night (and in your neighbours case it probably did), but what about the risk of him hiding a lighter or matches in his room and setting fire to something in there while locked in?

~Jennifer - posted on 06/25/2010

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....you know, you could "say" you'd never do it - but then, you (probably) don't have a child like my neighbor had...

She used to lock him in his room at night b/c if she didn't he would go out to the kitchen (at like 3-4 am) and turn on the stove and light things in the house on fire.
(yes, he had a mental issue / ODD is what the Dr. called it)
....how would you sleep at night if you had a child so fascinated by fire that he would try to burn his own home?
....maybe by, um....locking him in his room?

Quite frankly, since our houses used to join (duplex) - I'd have bought her a couple of locks on my own dime if she needed more.
We had the fire dept there 4x in one month for the fires he started...

Lea - posted on 06/25/2010

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Well for the kid who is so bold and so spoiled that he/she would just come out if simply put in their room, locking it might be what it takes to teach them some limits. I've heard about some extreme stuff some kids will do as far as self-injury though.

Isobel - posted on 06/25/2010

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OMG...that's aweful.

Tanya - posted on 06/24/2010

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We just bought a house this year and I was surprised and sick to see rooms with locks on the outside. In one house they had a door knob lock on the door leading to the room and also on the closet. You could see where someone had been scraping away at it trying to get out. i also notice holes in the closet. So scary. Another house had a slide lock on the top of the outside of a door. It was clearly a child's room because of the wall paper.

I left both houses almost in tears. I would never do that

Sharon - posted on 06/24/2010

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It will be interesting to see the program and find out how serious this man is. When I put my son in his room I usually hold the door closed myself until he is ready to behave, but I have been known to jam a cloth in the door so I can go and take a deep breath before I tackle the situation.

Lyndsay - posted on 06/24/2010

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I didn't read the whole article, its pretty long. I have to say, I do agree with some pieces of what I did read. Like, parents shouldn't have to entertain children 24/7 and its okay to let your kid fall down every once in awhile. I think its important that children learn to deal with disappointment, we're not helping them by keeping them sheltered their entire lives and then throwing them out into the world completely unaware as adults.

As for locking them in their rooms. I work in group homes and we adhere to the Child and Family Services Act, which is basically a set of rules for children in child protection agencies who find themselves in care. The CFSA states that, while kids can be sent to their rooms for time out, the rooms are not allowed to have a lock on the outside. I tend to follow the same idea with my own son.

Hannah - posted on 06/24/2010

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I agree with him for the most part too! Locking a child in their room may be a little extreme but you might have those kids that are able to open the door and will. Maybe in some cases that would be suiteable.

I also agree that getting down on eye level and speaking to your 2 or 3 yr old doesn't usually work. They are still learning to comprehend and understand. Sometimes other forms of discipline are needed to help your child understand that what they have done is dangerous, could hurt them, or it is just plain bad behavior. I don't think other forms of discipline should be used just because the parent doesn't want to be bothered. There are some cases that it does work to speak to your child about what they have done wrong. I have a three warning rule, sort of like a job would have. First warning is talking to the child about the behavior, second warning is a time-out on the step, third warning will be a spanking. I don't usually get to the 3rd warning.

I also agree that children should learn to entertain themselves. I have two stepsons that always come in and say that they are bored. We usually tell them to go outside and play, ride their bikes. There isn't any reason we should have to entertain the kids.

I strongly agree with teaching kids that life is not always fair. People do not always get trophies when they lose. Sometimes you lose and you suck it up and try harder the next time. You don't always get what you want. You work hard and you can earn what you want.

I'm done babbling!

Isobel - posted on 06/24/2010

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and here comes the marketing student in me ;)...I'm pretty sure this is written in inflammatory language and is intended to make everybody watch the first episode...which now, of course, we will just to see if he's the nutjob we all think he is.

LaCi - posted on 06/24/2010

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oh my. I agree with some of the other stuff, letting them make mistakes and get banged up and play like kids should play. But padlocking them in their room? lol. My mom used to tell me to go to my room when I'd throw a tantrum or something and not to come out until I was calm and could talk about things. I'm all for sending them to their rooms. But LOCKING THEM IN??? wow just WOW!



Although I wont lie my friend had a nephew who was a total freakin punk and would hit people and yell and throw tantrums at like 7 years old. One day he pissed me off and he ran into his room and kept slamming the door over and over and over and yelling and I finally walked over and held the door shut, essentially lockign him in there ;x But I was like 16 lol. It still makes me chuckle though. Man that kid needed t be put in his place. I wonder if he still acts like that.

Tracey - posted on 06/24/2010

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Would Latta advise letting a child run into the road and be run over because they need to learn that traffic is dangerous?

What would happen if the child was padlocked in their room and there was a fire? The parents may lose the key in a panic or would not be able to open it as the padlock would get too hot and the children would be in severe danger.

He can't be bothered to explain to his kids about what's wrong and right!! That's called parenting, if parents can't explain this to kids who will?

Yes children need to know the world does not revolve around them but there are more constructive ways of teaching them, and having worked in a school for 8 years with lots of spoiled brats I see this every day.

Amie - posted on 06/23/2010

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The worst that can happen is a bump to the head? /:) Wonder what's wrong with his kids. My son has broken his leg from no more than tripping on the floor. One of my friends little girl ended up needing surgery to relieve the pressure from her brain because she fell the wrong way off her bed. At the time of both these instances mine, and my friends child, were toddlers.



Locking a child in their bedroom is a recipe for disaster, especially a toddler.



I agree with Sharon Grey. There's a few valid points but a whole schwack of crazy in there too.

Erin - posted on 06/23/2010

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I lock my son in his room and I'm not lazy. Sometimes he is just too volatile to deal with and he is in his room until he is calm enough to talk to.

This is different to what this joker is espousing. All children get to a point where they can't be consoled or reasoned with, and there's nothing wrong with giving them some alone time to quietly calm down. But locking them in their room (for god knows how long since he doesn't specify a time frame) because it's 'too hard', the parent can't 'be bothered' with explanation and other positive behaviour strategies, or the parent doesn't want to deal with it, is lazy and completely ineffective parenting IMO,

Joanna - posted on 06/23/2010

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my problem with locking the door is, what if there's a fire, earthquake, tornado, etc, and you need to get to them quickly? The adrenaline from the disaster could make it a little difficult to unlock the door fast enough.

(btw, I've mastered the "leap across the baby gate, grab child, and leap back across to the doorframe"... thanks, earthquakes!)

C. - posted on 06/23/2010

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I think that's horrible! We once looked at a house for rent where the locks on a couple doors were on the outside.. There were also syringes in the master bathroom drawers and a mirror hanging on the wall in the FROG had 'help me' written on it.. Need I say more?

That's a true store, by the way.

I think sending your child to their room, putting them in the corner, giving them a swift spank on the bottom.. That should be punishment enough (though I don't agree with doing all of those at once). Locking a CHILD in a bedroom all by themselves, to me, is just creepy. It brings up memories of that house and one episode of The Outer Limits when I was younger.. Well just forget what the episode was about.. It was creepy. Locking a child in a bedroom is a BIG No-No.

Sharon - posted on 06/23/2010

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I lock my son in his room and I'm not lazy. Sometimes he is just too volatile to deal with and he is in his room until he is calm enough to talk to.
I think this guy has a lot of good ideas about parenting and I do think we have become too "namby pamby" with many parenting attitudes. Kids need to be prepared for the real world, we just need to get the balance right with the way we treat our kids.

Isobel - posted on 06/23/2010

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The only thing that bugs me is the padlock...I don't think I would leave a toddler in any room with a closed door. Other than that though...spot on :)

Fiona - posted on 06/23/2010

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I wonder how kids are expected to learn reasoning and rationalising skills then, if they are not demonstrated by their biggest role models: their parents. I am a firm believer in talking to children and explaining things, including how their behaviour is affecting others rather than just pushing them away until their behaviour is more manageable. Kids depend on parents to model behaviour, but also to help them in learning how to deal with and manage their own emotions and behaviours. Locking them in their rooms because they have momentarily lost the ability to deal with their emotions doesn't go a long way in teaching them how to improve themselves or grow as people, in my opinion.

*oh, edited to add: children learn and understand language long before they start using it themselves, so just because they seem unable to comprehend explanations doesn't mean that parents offering explanations is null and void.*



I have no problem with encouraging children to play by themselves or to spend time out by themselves. I also think children need an element of risk in their day to day living (like riding bikes, playing in creeks and forests, scraping knees, falling over every now and then). But, surely as parents we can be involved in our kids childhoods and guide them gently without reverting to either the extreme of controlling all aspects of their play and living, or ignoring them. I get as much out my interaction with kids as I hope they get out of it. I hope he doesn't encourage too many parents to miss out on these valuable interactions.

Erin - posted on 06/23/2010

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I agree with Krista and Mylene. This guy is a crock. and certainly no parenting expert :-s I'm sure his children will be thrilled to know he couldn't be bothered explaining right from wrong to them because it was too hard and he'd rather read his paper.



Edited to add: I actually have no problem with sending a child to their room for some quiet time, or even a time-out. My issue is the way this fool is suggesting it is the answer to every little parenting challenge. Don't want to deal with your kid? LOCK THEM IN THEIR ROOM!! It's the epitome of laziness.

Becky - posted on 06/23/2010

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For the most part, I agree with him, but I think he does take it to the extreme. I have never locked my son in his room, and never would, but I have babygated him in when he keeps getting up at naptime. Mind you, the little monkey can now knock down the babygate! I think using a padlock is unsafe, actually. What if, god forbid, you had a fire while your child was locked in his room? You'd have to fiddle with a key, while you were panicking... no thanks!
I agree that you can't protect your children from everything, although you certainly need to take reasonalbe precautions, and that you should not be entertaining them 24/7.
It'd be interesting to see his show, but I hope parents do not take his advice as a license to neglect or abuse (because I think locking your child alone in his/her room for an extended period of time is abuse) their children.

Rosie - posted on 06/23/2010

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like sharon said, some good ideas thrown in with some crazy ones, or taken to the extreme.

~Jennifer - posted on 06/23/2010

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I think that the padlock is going a bit too far.



(The rest of it is just fine, IMO)



Edit: It actually sounds a lot like the over-parenting / child worship skit that George Carlin does.

Cathy - posted on 06/23/2010

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I used to have to shut my eldest in his room during a tantrum (bear in mind his tantrums were autistic meltdowns). I'd tried to reason with him. I'd tried time out. Once he was at that stage there really was no getting through to him so I'd throw him in his room and shut the door. It may as well have been locked because the door was hung bad so it required brute force to open it. Sometimes I'd wait outside the door till things went quiet. Other times I'd go get on with some housework while he tore his room to shreds. He was 3 at the time. Thankfully he outgrew the violent meltdowns or learned how to control them better. It hasn't emotionally damaged him. He's 7 now and if he's being a stroppy little so and so he still gets sent to his room.

Ok the football game is over now so I suppose I should stop ignoring the kids!

Joanna - posted on 06/23/2010

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I "lock" my 2 1/2 year old in her room almost daily! When I'm upset I myself need a timeout, so why not a toddler? If she's misbehaving or upset to the point where even timeouts won't work, I say "I think you need some alone time" and put her in her room with a sippy of water, put up her baby gate (I usually leave her door open but she reaches over the baby gate and shuts it a little), and leave her there for half an hour to sometimes an hour depending on her mood. Most of the time she calms down immediately, so gets a couple books from her toybox and lays in her bed and lets out a sigh of relief, like she was NEEDING some time alone. It's also a great time for me to take a bath, clean, or even lay in my own bed and read and calm down! And I'm always right around the corner in case something should happen, but I know her sounds and know that a thump and a whine means she probably bumped her head trying to climb in her toybox, and a crash means she probably tried climbing onto her dresser and fell (it happened once).

Jocelyn - posted on 06/23/2010

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There were some valid points, and I seem to have a somewhat similar parenting style, but he takes some of it to another level!

Mylene - posted on 06/23/2010

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I think this article does present some valid points. I do believe that kids should be able to entertain themselves and be allowed to make mistakes. I also completely agree with the fact that we have to stop over analyzing everything we do and enjoy parenting.



However, I would never even dream of locking up my child in his room... I do put my son in his crib from time to time so that he calms down. I do that to remove him from the overwhelming situation. I also explain to him why he has to go in his crib and calm down. i think that talking to children and explaining to them why they are in trouble is essential. Kids understand a lot more than most people think. I don't believe in parenting methods that don't allow children to understand and know why they are being disciplined and why they get in trouble for doing something. "Because I said so" is a lame and lazy excuse parents use not to deal with a situation. if you can't explain to your child why you are doing something, it's a good sign you need to re-evaluate what you are doing.



"We should stop treating children like adults. Children shouldn't grow up thinking that the world is fair.



The world might not be fair but there is no reason for adults to make children think the world is only filled with negativity. I think we should show our kids the beautiful things in life as well as educating them about the negative events. I don't want my kids to think that everyone on the planet is well meaning and I don't want them to think that everyone on this planet is fortunate enough to have 3 meals per day and have a roof over their head. However, I want my kids to see the bright side of things while being realistic.



Latta misses the mark when it comes to balance and pushes good ideas to such extremes, it results in absurdity.

Krista - posted on 06/23/2010

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I do agree that parents shouldn't shelter their kids from every disappointment or bump, and shouldn't keep them in bubble wrap. But he just takes it WAYYY too far. Putting them in their room is one thing. Locking them in their room? Honestly? That crosses the line. Actually, it leaps over the line so far that when it looks back over its shoulder, it can't even SEE the line anymore.

And explaining stuff is "too hard" and "who can be bothered"? Suck it up, princess. You're a parent now. Nobody said it was going to be easy. It's not "rationalizing" with a toddler so much as it's letting them know the rules. How the hell can you expect your kid to learn to behave if you never tell them what they did wrong when they misbehave?

Caitlin - posted on 06/23/2010

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I've put my daughter in her crib when she was screaming her head off for no good reason and was dirving me up the wall by following me around the house screaming at me. I don't make sure my whole day is spent entertaining her, there is a toy chest, she knows how to play on her own with her own toys when i'm doing chores or whatever. The stooping down to explain why "what you did is wrong and it makes mommy sad.." thing is funny in my mind, i've seen people try to do it with kids under 2.. it doens't work. Now i'm going to the park and i'mg oing to let my kid run around like mad for an hour or so to tire her out...

Sharon - posted on 06/23/2010

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lol another one with a lot of good points with some crazy ideas tossed in.

Sarah - posted on 06/23/2010

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I think it's another case of a generally reasonable idea being taken to the extreme to get publicity.

The bits at the end about parents calming down and stopping over thinking and enjoying parenting, I think are genuinely good points! Parents do tend to spend their time feeling guilty and worrying instead of enjoying parenthood.

The locking them in their room thing I can understand too. Sometimes, when you've exhausted all options, sending them to their rooms to just have their tantrum is the best way to calm them down. I also think that sometimes, kids need to be able to entertain themselves and make their own mistakes.

As I said, I think it's all being put in an extreme way to gain publicity, some of the ideas aren't really that extreme in themselves. :)