loving the love child

Jessi - posted on 03/26/2011 ( 18 moms have responded )

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just wondering what everyone else thinks they would do in this situation.

my friends husband cheated on her and got another girl pregnant. but before they found out this girl was pregnant my friend also got pregnant. the couple worked through the cheating problem and these two babies were born within months of each other. the wife absolutely LOVES this "other" child and treats her as her own when they have her over.

i think its pretty great- and often wonder if i could be as big of a person. i know i would obviously not treat the child unkindly, but my friend with no hesitations at all considers this as another of her children. i honestly dont know if i could be that big of a person, i think id end up being reminded of my spouse cheating too much when the child was around and taking it out on him? i mean i dont know what i would do im just guessing since thank goodness im not in that situation; but maybe im just a horrible person? what do you all think?

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Lacye - posted on 09/01/2012

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Julie you are assuming way too much if you think the woman is going to give up her child just because she slept with your husband. And how exactly can you call her a whore and in all reality, your husband would have been also willing in the whole situation. And what if the other woman didn't even know about you because he lied to her. Not everything is as black and white as you make it seem like you think. Besides, the child would have a mother that would love it. It's birth mother. You can't just tell a woman that because she slept with your husband she is going to give over her child whether she likes it or not. Besides, in order to take a child away from it's birth mother, you would have to prove she is unfit.

Julie - posted on 08/31/2012

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My husband; my child. That's the way it would have to be. Either I have full legal custody of that "love child" and it calls me it's real mom, or it's over for me and my husband. He owes me that after cheating on me. Best way to get even with the whore who convinced my husband to sleep with her. All that matters is that the child has a mother who loves it as its own. If the mistress doesn't like that then she can take a hike and have another baby with her own husband.

Iridescent - posted on 03/26/2011

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This is a situation I'm in. My husband has twins with the other woman, I had a little girl 2 months later. It was HARD during the pregnancies - he really did try hard to be there for both of us, and there were a lot of times when there was no way for him to make both of us happy. When they were born, we dealt with trips with them and trips without, and visitation and juggling. At 17 months old we got full physical custody of them, and at 21 months we got full legal custody of them. They no longer know their mother - she's since gone to prison repeatedly. Most people know the 3 kids as triplets, even though we've explained they aren't. It just is.

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18 Comments

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Stifler's - posted on 09/14/2012

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Cheating I might forgive. But having a kid with someone else. No. As much as I'd like to say I'd be that mature I wouldn't be and my relationship would eventually break down.

Patricia - posted on 09/11/2012

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i would kick him to the kerb and never have him back not sure what i would tell my kids about the other child i guess the hurt and anger would have to settle first so i could have a clear mind

Sally - posted on 09/09/2012

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It wouldn't be an issue because I wouldn't be with him. I could never forgive cheating and know if I tried to I would make his life impossible with my doubts and up driving him away anyway. I would allow the children to know each other but it would be down to him to arrange it.

Molly - posted on 09/01/2012

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Iridescent Moonbeams, I admire your big big heart! Many blessings to you and your family!

Lacye - posted on 03/27/2011

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When I first started seeing my now husband, he was with another woman. We both got pregnant at the same time and our daughters are 2 days apart in age. Does it get hard at times, yes. But I love his other child very much. She's a sweet child and I would do anything for her. It's just too bad we don't get to see her that often anymore. :(

Jessi - posted on 03/27/2011

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i kind of agree about the kicking him to the curb part. but i guess i dont know cause i havent been in that situation. i just think it takes a really strong and determined person so get through something like that. so kudos to you ladies who have come through that stronger and together as a family!

Alexis - posted on 03/27/2011

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Funny, my brother in-law did the same thing with his girlfriend and a girl he cheated on her with. His girlfriend not only stayed with him but accepts the 'love child' too. I have no idea how she does it. I don't think I could do it. I would have kicked him to the curb and not want anything to do with the other family.

April - posted on 03/26/2011

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I know someone who's husband had three children to two different woman, all while they were married. They are still married now and they have three children of their own.

She loves those three other children like they're her own. I admire her a lot. I know she stayed with her husband for their children, she loves them so much. it takes a strong woman to accept what her husband did and love those three other children as much as she does.

Karen - posted on 03/26/2011

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My heart goes out to the child who is the victim in this situation. I believe I would embrace that child but then I can't imagine doing anything but that. Kids get the bad end of adult's poor decisions way too often; they don't need to be punished for a parent's stupid choice.

Iridescent - posted on 03/26/2011

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It was very hard at first. But my husband was right, too - the kids didn't do anything, and their mother was not good parent material (2 previous children abused and neglected by her, parental rights terminated, pedophile, in and out of prison). A stranger's child I can't see being left in that situation. My husband's? I couldn't let that go, either.

Now they've been here so long, and they're just as much mine as my others, that it's no problem anymore. But it's been 5 years since the pregnancy almost, and 4 since their birth, and 2.5 since we got them full time...lots of time to adjust. And we're fortunate in that the mother truly has no involvement at all, so I don't need to see her and deal with her. I don't think I could, honestly!

Nikki - posted on 03/26/2011

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It would be really difficult, I really admire you Amy. I tend to agree with Erin, I don't know that I would be able to get past my hubby cheating on me, I would like to think I am a big enough person to be respectful of my child's sibling. It's hard to really contemplate unless your going through it.

Stifler's - posted on 03/26/2011

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It would be a hard situation. I couldn't deal with it to be honest. I would have divorced my husband the second I found out he got someone else pregnant. Unacceptable. I would let my kids know their half-sibling though, it would be even worse for me to deny my children and that child that.

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I know i wouldn't take it out an a baby or even the other woman.I would deep down find it some what hard.

I guess being positive about the whole situation is the best thing to do.



I guess i would get over it.If you really want something so bad, you would do anything to make it work.Fair play to her.



Its what she wanted and shes making the best of it.You never really know what you would do personally until your in that sort of situation.

Erin - posted on 03/26/2011

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I think it would take a special kind of person to make this situation work. I'm sure nobody would intentionally take it out on the child, but the resentment and bitterness would be very hard to keep at bay.

I doubt I could do it. But then I doubt I could forgive a man who cheated and produced a baby with another woman either so it would be a moot point in my life.

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