Manners and common decency

Tara - posted on 08/02/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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From the thread about smoking public places, are we as a society becoming ruder in general? Do people feel so entitled to their POV that they are forgetting to be tactful and tolerant? Or do you believe that we as a society are just becoming more outspoken and that common manners are going by the wayside as a result of everyone feeling more empowered to speak their minds?

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[deleted account]

Manners? *BURP*, What are those? *scratch crotch*. What 'you talkin' bout?

I think there are still some decent well behaved people but there are A LOT of ignorant people as well. Of course, we see the negative before the positive. I was raised to hold doors, give up my seat, please, thank you, etc...

My 21 months old says please and thank you... he also says sorry and excuse me (sounds more like "squeeze me" but nonetheless). I don't think it is hard for people to learn and I really wish people were less self-centered and would bother to be polite.

Krista - posted on 08/03/2010

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I absolutely agree with Amie. You can be outspoken and honest and yes, even a little blunt without being rude. I appreciate people who are honest and who let me know where I stand with them -- I much prefer them to people who are sweet to your face but bitch behind your back. By the same token, however, it's not that difficult to make your opinion known without being offensive.



And as well, I think that people are getting more physically rude as well -- whether it's walking around with their junk hanging out, spitting on the sidewalk, blocking someone's way and being oblivious about it, there just seems to be a lot less consideration out there for other people, and a lot more of this "Well, if they don't like it, too bad!" bratty attitude.



I'm far from religious, but I think there's a lot of value in the Golden Rule, and I wish people would keep it in mind. Why is it so difficult to treat others the way we would like to be treated?

[deleted account]

People are definately getting ruder - it really annoys me when people cannot be bothered to use please and thank-you because saying them does not take any effort really, and this lack of manners is being passed onto our children because people do not seem to be teaching children manners - my son will definately be taught manners as Sarah said the small things make huge differences.

People should be allowed to have opinions but there are appropriate times to state them for example it is inappropriate to tell your mate that she looks horrendous when you are out and there is nothing she can do about it - all you would do in doing this is to make her feel awful and self conscious BUT telling her before she leaves the house is ok because she can change. Being honest is not rude but knowing when to keep quiet is the key to this - sometimes saying nothing at all is the best way.

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Sharon - posted on 08/03/2010

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People of all ages, sex, and sexual orientation are being encouraged and PUSHED to speak up.

I rarely go about in public spouting my opinion because it isn't asked for.

But when it is - I give it honestly and plainly as possible. There is a girl at work who has the FOULEST mouth. She frequently uses "nigger" "mother fucker" etc in daily conversation within hearing of our customers. She's a supervisor. Uh huh, thats what I said when I found out. She tells everyone about her current STD status too. Apparently she got gonhorhea (sp?) or something - it crossed the placental barrier and the infection ate the fetus. She had to have an abortion. I have no idea if that is true - that is what she told us. Yeah - thats what I want to hear over my lunch break - she is RUDE. She also has a strong personality and a good heart and I'm sure thats what our manager saw when she applied for the supervisor position. So far its working.

One day she asked myself and two older women I work with "why won't James (a coworker) talk with me? He hides from never and never answers with more than a word or two."

We told her. I blocked all the catch phrases and roundabout talk. If we told her "you're kind of blunt and strong mouthed." She would have giggled and laughed it off. But she is WAY more than that. First off he probably is reluctant to talk to a flirt who just told everyone she had a major STD.

Secondly this guy is GENTEEL. Oh sure around the guys he can just as gross and crass as them but he does it to fit in, its not his natural personality. She on the other hand has NEVER demonstrated the least bit of feminity besides shoving a kid out of her vagina at 15.

We told her, you have the foulest mouth and a reputation for skank and he isn't that kind of guy. You turn him off. He's afraid of you. We tried to temper the harshness by pointing out her good attributes and mentioning that a guy who can't stand up to her is probably not the best fit anyway. But we could tell her feelings were still hurt. She mentioned her family and what they're like, I told her - You don't have to be like them and you don't have to be "ghetto" as she calls it, to be strong in their eyes. Stop lying and fucking near strangers, be a good mom and stop telling everyone your personal business if its going to hurt your feelings when they throw it back at you or avoid you because you're potentially contagious. Guys can't afford to like you unless they enjoy it when burns while peeing or dealing with your psychotic husband (she won't divorce him but dates anyway because he's a serial cheater and that justifies her behaviour) and your precocious child. She thinks its funny when her toddler says "fuck off". or shit like that. Or when she licks people. She was talking dirty to a black coworker - something about him being as sweet as chocolate so her kid licked him and she thought that was funny as hell. It was, sort of but since she was talking to him in a sexual context - it was disturbing.

She is the best of the worst example I could think of.

I think, in general - people try to be circumspect in voicing their opinions in public/social situations. I also think very few people go about spouting their unwanted, unwarranted opinion to strangers.

When it comes to friends and family - yeah the opinions are getting stronger. familiarity breeds contempt? I'm not sure.

In general my co-workers are all very polite if not very couth.

Stifler's - posted on 08/03/2010

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I agree. People generally don't know how to say things in a tactful way either. You don't just go "HOLY SHIT YOU LOOK AWFUL!" to someone as they won't want to go out or hang out with you anymore or will just secretly hate you.

Stifler's - posted on 08/02/2010

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People and their outspokenness annoy me. "Look at me, I have opinions!". It's not something I admire in a person to have no manners and say hypocritical things to everything whether they know them or not. I agree tact and politeness have gone out the window.

Becky - posted on 08/02/2010

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My opinion on the matter varies from day to day, lol! Some days, it seems everyone I encounter is a rude asshole, other days, I'm astounded by how courteous people still are! I think that on the whole, there is a little less emphasis placed on manners and courtesy in our society today. Part of that is that we're all so focussed on our individual rights now, I think we've become a little more self-centered than we used to be.
I still value manners and am doing my best to teach my boys to be polite and respectful and helpful. I think it's entirely possible, most of the time, to be honest and stand up for what you believe in, without being rude and hurtful. I'm pretty good at being tactful.
I do think there is a big difference between how we do/should interact with family and close friends and how we interact with strangers. I'd be much more inclined to tell a family member or close friend what I really thought about a habit or something of theirs, whereas, with a stranger, I'd generally keep my mouth shut unless it was a safety issue or affected my children negatively in some way.

Joanna - posted on 08/02/2010

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It's hard for me to say... I was raised to be polite, and I am a "don't speak until spoken to" kind of person naturally as is (although some people see that as rude or snobby I suppose). I am trying to raise my daughter with manners as well. She is 3 and always says please, thank you, and excuse me, all in the correct situations without being asked to. I hope she keeps it up, because manners are still very important to me, regardless of how the rest of the world may be.

Amie - posted on 08/02/2010

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Yes I do feel society is become ruder as the generations go. It's becoming rare for someone to hold a door for you. To hear please and thank you for small deeds. It is entirely frustrating, for someone like myself, where manners are a big deal.

You can be outspoken and truthful without being a rude chit.

A good example of this (used this one before on CoM's) is of my own children.

I had taken the oldest two grocery shopping with me. This was a few years ago. They were 6 and 2 at the time. I went through check out and the lady at the till asked if they could have a lollipop. I said yes so she turned and asked them if they wanted one. They both said yes, took one, then looked at her and said thank you. She turned back to me and smiled. Her words were, I have not seen kids so young know their manners without being prompted. They were 6 and 2! My son, ok I can understand being a little surprised that he would know his manners. But a 6 year old?! Really?!

ugh.

Louise - posted on 08/02/2010

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I have raised both my sons to be polite and curteous and stick to the saying manners maketh man! My sons are now 19 and 16 and would help an old lady across the road, or hold a door open or get up on a train to let a lady sit down. My sons are adored by all there girlfriends mums. The youth of today do get a raw deal there are some really nicely spoken polite young men out there they just get over shadowed by the pig ignorant rude louts that clutter the streets. In todays society the louts seem to terrify us all into either hiding or confronting when speaking our mind.

Sarah - posted on 08/02/2010

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I was brought up to have good manners and I will bring my girls up exactly the same way. Please and Thankyou and holding doors open and not pushing into queues and stuff, are little things, but I think they make a big difference!

In saying that, I find it REALLY hard sometimes to bite my tongue to people who don't use their manners. Especially if I've been courteous to them and they ignore that.
For example, you hold a door open for someone, and they just breeze by without saying thankyou. (I've been shouting thankyou really loud after them for years! hehe)

I also get annoyed when I'm at work at people think that gives them the right to talk down to me, or to be rude to me. Just because I'm paid to be there, doesn't mean they have the right to talk to me like crap!!

I try not to let it put me off being courteous, I think to be honest, it's so ingrained in me to be polite I wouldn't be able to stop! It's tempting sometimes though to just be an ass like so many others are! ;)

Tracey - posted on 08/02/2010

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I believe pepole are ruder on the internet as they cannot see the person they are communicating with and as there are no clues from voices or body language - only thw written words it is easier misinterpret a message and easier to forget you are talking to real people.

Tara - posted on 08/02/2010

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Personally I am often referred to as "Bluntly honest" but I try to always remain tactful and considerate of someone else POV. As for manners, I still say please and thank you, I don't get upset when service is late at a restaurant etc. I don't butt into line, etc. I teach my kids the same. But at the same time I teach them to learn when to speak their mind and how to do so in a lucid, articulate way so that they don't sound rude or ignorant and they are to always be polite even when the other person isn't. Take the high road, be the bigger person etc...

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