Married vs Unmarried

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/15/2011 ( 66 moms have responded )

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I saw this thread in Mom's with Wonderful Husbands about if being married is different from being unmarried. There are a lot of people who seem to believe that there's a ton of difference made when you sign a piece of paper between the married and the unmarried.

Now I'm married and I have no problem with people feeling that the paper they sign makes a huge difference. But the only difference it made for me was that I could move to Canada to be with my husband and apply for a visa in Canada because unlike the States which has a fiance visa Canada only has a marriage visa for couples. I don't see how signing a paper making it legal makes you suddenly above all the non married couples because that's BS. And don't bring God into it (yes I was raised Catholic, but still....) because people have been getting married long before Christianity was invented.

So I'm wondering if anyone else felt a difference between being married and being unmarried in a relationship. Did anything change (besides having to look before you use the toilet) or do you still feel the same?

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Jenny - posted on 08/15/2011

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I am 12.5 years happily unmarried. We are devoted, committed and are in it for life. For me a relationship is about the relationship itself and not outside social customs.

Stifler's - posted on 08/16/2011

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It's like some thing they dip the ring into to make it all shiny and take the scratches off. I haven't even got it done yet and it's been nearly 2 years since I got my engagement ring.

Charlie - posted on 08/16/2011

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Sherri thats beautiful :)

We are engaged and in no real hurry to marry , it's never been a priority or even a need for us , we have known our commitment to each other from very early on , we are bound by common law for those legal things and so far children have been the cement.

We are already secure in our relationship and while I look forward to our wedding day , I hope for it to be magical and fun I dont expect anything to be much different except my last name ......IF I choose to take his.

Amie - posted on 08/15/2011

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I still had to look before I used to toilet before we were married! LOL We had been living together for almost 4 years when we got married. We've been married for 2 now.

Nothing has really changed, other than legal things. We work or fail as a couple based on us - not because we decided to get married. We got married because we wanted too and felt that was the right step for us. We love each other.

I could give a rats behind what's right for others and don't count myself as superior because I am married. Nothing's changed. We're still the same couple. We still behave the same way with each other. We still love each other. We still argue. We still lean on each other. etc. etc. etc.

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Merry - posted on 08/17/2011

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My rings are matts grandmothers rings, she was a big jewelry fanatic and her pieces 'grew' meaning as they could afford more she replaced the stuff with bigger stones :) mine was one she wore and grew somewhat which is why only one band is platinum! Lol but what's really awesome is when matt was getting ready to propose he asked me what kind of rings i liked, I said not gold, and nothing that sticks up too much cuz I hate it getting caught on sleeves etc. He was so excited cuz that fit his grandmas ring perfectly! And he had known for years that his mom was saving this ring for him to give to his wife. So when he proposed and put it on my finger it fit perfectly! Like beyond perfectly, I've never had a ring fit me so well.
It's simply amazing.:)

Stifler's - posted on 08/17/2011

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I picked a really nice diamond. I proposed so I got to choose my own it was awesome.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/16/2011

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LOl Heather my husband picked out a blue diamond because my older daughter's birthstone is a Sapphire.

Julianne! I knew I spelled that wrong earlier!

[deleted account]

Mines an irish claddagh with a green emerald in the heart and two diamonds on the outside of the hands.

Lady Heather - posted on 08/16/2011

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I always tell people that my aquamarine is a blue diamond. hehe.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/16/2011

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All I know about my mom's engagement ring is it's 3.5ct and set in platinum. She had it reset for her 25th anniversary. My grandmother's is 3 square cut diamonds in yellow gold- she's been married 60 years next month and hers looks great too. She also wears a Cladague (I know I spelled that wrong) ring on her right ring finger.

I honestly don't know that much about jewlery, but I do some research. My husband picked out my engagement ring by himself and we picked out the wedding bands right before we got married back in March when he came down to NY after our daughter was born.

I know a few settings and that's it. Heck I didn't know that a blue diamond was such a big thing until a few jewlers and my OBGYN made a big deal over it.

Lady Heather - posted on 08/16/2011

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I don't know anything either. I wanted aquamarine because I didn't want anyone to be paying for diamonds and the blue is like my eye colour so I thought it would always look good no matter what I was wearing. We may have overpaid for a lower quality stone. I have no clue. Looks pretty enough to me though!

Mrs. - posted on 08/16/2011

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Well, my engagement ring was made for me and it is more like a cocktail ring than a typical engagement ring. It is yellow gold, mainly because I wanted a ruby, for my daughter's birthstone and my fiance didn't like the look of a ruby with white gold.

Personally, I much prefer white gold to yellow. We are looking for our bands now and I've told my fiance I only want white gold. My mother's ring is white gold, she just had her 41 anniversary and it still looks great.

I gotta tell you though, I'm terrible at stuff like this...I know a lot of ladies know all about carats and jewelry settings, never really thought about it. So much so, I'm afraid of getting ripped off because I'm not always certain of what is a good deal with good quality when I see it.

I'm going to take my engagement ring get it sized for my right finger and use it as a cocktail ring. When my daughter gets older, I'm going to give it for her, for graduation or something like that.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/16/2011

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Emma not exactly.

Heather, I told my husband small so it can fit under surgical gloves. If I hadn't Lord knows what size stones I would've ended up with. I like simple looking jewlery.

Dyan I agree I can't stand how yellow gold looks. Besides my first wedding band and engagement ring were yellow gold and they looked horrid.

Lady Heather - posted on 08/16/2011

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My e ring is white gold with a large oval aquamarine and two teeny little diamonds on either side. My wedding band is just that - a thin band of white gold. I wanted simple and cheap. Ha.

Rosie - posted on 08/16/2011

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mine is white gold too. i can't stand the look of yellow gold, it looks cheap to me. SOME yellow gold i can stand, but not much. my engagement ring is a round diamond with a gold square flowery thing behind it with two round diamonds beside it. my wedding ring is 4 small diamonds that equal the size of the engagement so they match in size. i also wear my family ring. it's the birthstones of all my guys in the order that they came into my life, left to right all four of them. so it matches my wedding band in size, it's just pretty colored birthstones instead of diamonds.

i am not one to wear it all the time, i wear it when i go out, and sometimes when i work. i use my hands alot so i get afraid i'll clank it on something and it will get broken. i used to wear it all the time till i got pregnant with vinnie. my hands swelled up to much and they still do at night. i have to take them off at night.

Stifler's - posted on 08/16/2011

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Oh like claws? Mine has claws that stick out that's why I never wear it.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/16/2011

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It's where the stones are set higher than the rest of the ring. My mom had her engagement ring reset this way a few years ago. I think it lets the stones catch the light better

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/16/2011

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Eh I like my wedding band, it has 9 white diamonds in a ve shaped band and they're all flat. It's a nice contrast to the cathedral setting of my engagement ring. In total I have 1 karat total on my left hand. My brother is so mean though! When he saw my engagement ring he said it was ghetto!

Stifler's - posted on 08/16/2011

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When we went to look at rings they said they didn't do silver. I was like okay then. I didn't like any of the rings so I designed one. It's got a 1/2 carat in the middle and teeny ones on either side in a triangle. my wedding ring doesn't even match it we just bought a cheap one and decided to get a real one later with diamonds in the same triangle design as my engagement ring. My engagement ring is flat and the wedding ring is a dome so they look so funny together but no one notices except me.

Merry - posted on 08/16/2011

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Mines whit gold, one big white diamond that sticks out and two small white diamonds on either side that are flat in the ring. The wedding band is platinum with five small white diamonds flat with the band :)

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/16/2011

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I haven't had much trouble with my engagement ring except for the stone and that's white gold. The ring my husband gave me for Christmas back in 2007/2008 is silver and gets tarnished from time to time.



I'm kind of curious about people's engagement rings. Mine's white' gold with two white diamonds on either side of a blue diamond.



Shannen they make wedding rings from nearly everything now.

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Thats why i get silver rings/jewelery. I hate the yellow gold look, but white gold is too high maintenance. Silver is the cheapest and it looks the best! score :P

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/16/2011

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Sherri I love that you've never taken your rings off. My mom only took hers off when she broke her left wrist a few years ago- she doesn't cook and her job doesn't require manual labour. My dad has NEVER taken his ring off in nearly 38 years and he does some lifting and stuff.

Julianne, I love the tattoo idea too because then you never lose your ring. Too bad my hubby is afraid of needles. He only let me stick him once in my phlebotomy class because I needed 50 sticks and I could see the vein I wanted. :)

I had to take of my engagement ring near the end of my pregnancy because of edema- that's also why I had to go on bedrest and couldn't get an epidural.

Mine and my husband's rings are white gold because I like how it looks, it's the cheapest to fix and he wears his every day. You can't ruin much doing hard surface modeling on a computer.

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Emma i have never heard of rhodium plating. I have a white gold ring ( can't wear silver i go green and i hate normal gold) and it still looks fairly good just a little aged.

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I wear an irish wedding band even though we are not married yet. When we do get married we are tattooing the rings on. Try taking that off...lol

Lady Heather - posted on 08/16/2011

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I take my rings off at the end of pregnancy and when I go in the shower because I'm worried that they will come off and go down the drain. Also if I'm mixing dough. It's hard to get dough out of ring crevices.

The husband wears his every day, but he does take it off if he is doing certain things at the mills for safety purposes.

Stifler's - posted on 08/16/2011

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Damo's is stainless steel and cost $60 because we both knew... he would never wear it except in wedding photos.

Merry - posted on 08/16/2011

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Matts ring is titanium so if his finger ever swells or gets stuck in something it can't even be cut off of him! But he doesn't work in a hands on manuel type job so I'm not too worried but they did warn us about that when we bought it :)

Stifler's - posted on 08/16/2011

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That's why Damian doesn't wear his. Also because he can't be bothered probably. My dad has never worn his ring either nor have any of the other men I know really.

Charlie - posted on 08/16/2011

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Jamie wont be able to wear his ring once we do get hitched unless he wants to run the high risk of getting his finger ripped off at work.

Merry - posted on 08/16/2011

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Mine is white gold engagement ring and a platinum wedding band. What's rhodium plating? I haven't heard of that :/

Stifler's - posted on 08/16/2011

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Mine are white gold and I'm kicking myself for choosing that because they need to be rhodium plated every year or they look crappy.

Merry - posted on 08/16/2011

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Lol I've taken mine off for stuff like finger painting! Changing the mud in lizard cages, and to clean my rings too, my mil always offers to clean them with her hewlery cleaner when she notices they look dirty :)
But I think it's romantic to be able to say you've never ever taken them off :)

Sherri - posted on 08/16/2011

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Interesting we don't take our rings off EVER. Not to shower, sleep anything. Actually my rings have been on my fingers since the day we got married and I have never taken them off since, it has been 14 yrs and I am not even sure if I could even get them off anymore.

[deleted account]

Thats the only reason i want to get married. I am content with common law. I just HATE my last name, its my fathers last name.

Charlie - posted on 08/16/2011

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It is interesting you mention what you grow up to know Megan.

For us it is the opposite , both of us come from divorced parents , I think this is why we put more faith in ourselves and our commitment than we do in marriage to give us those things.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/16/2011

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Dyan, that could be my problem. My ex husband decided as soon as we had trouble he was bolting- he was never around people who tried to make their relationship work like I was and puts more emphasis on material things than people. Proof of that came during our first custody trial- he tried to tell the judge our daughter would be better off with him and his wife because they'd be able to give her more things. When the judge asked what my ex husband replied: her own room, more toys better clothes. He never mentioned the love and support he could give our daughter and that's what made me the better choice for sole custody.

My husband and I have been through a lot right now before and after being married (well we just got married in March and I've only been with him since June) most of it was having to do with my ex husband and me moving to Canada from the States. My husband has dealt with me through my entire pregnancy over the phone and was there the week after our daughter was born only because she was a week early and he lives in BC. But the week before we got married my husband had to go to family court with me and state under oath why moving myself and my older daughter and baby to British Columbia would be in my older daughter's best interest even though she'd be over 3,000 miles away and my husband doesn't work right now (he's in school learning to design video games). He must've been convincing enough because I'm here in BC now and I'm proud of him

Ez - posted on 08/16/2011

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I've never had any real desire to be married. It's never held a huge appeal for me. Obviously I'm single now, but I can't see myself ever pushing to get married. If I was with someone who felt it was important, I would do it for him. I'm not opposed to it. I've just never had those wedding and marriage fantasies that a lot of women have.

Maybe my opinion would change if I were to get married at some point.. I don't know.

Rosie - posted on 08/16/2011

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yes to me there is a difference. i didn't think there was, i knew i wanted to be married, and it was the next logical step in a loving commited relationship. however, i still loved him the same, and was still committed after we wed.
then we hit a bump in the road, and i was faced with leaving or staying. all i know is that i had this resolve to work on my marriage, that i can't say would've been there if i had not taken my vows. i definitely feel my marriage is more than a piece of paper.
others if they feel the same way without being married, yay! but for ME, i have realized that marriage is much more than a legal contract.

Jenni - posted on 08/16/2011

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We aren't married, but we have common-law status which is virutally the same thing legally. Property may not be divided up equally, it's done on a case by case basis. But we don't really own anything, other than our 2002 focus wagon! lol

A piece of paper would make no difference in our relationship. We are already bound by our children. I really can't see how a marriage would change the way I feel about him. Or how close we are as a couple other than symbolically.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 08/16/2011

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Im not married…yet, but I can say..im sure a paper will not make it feel anymore official then it already is. (Been together going on 6years, been living together for 4, have a 16month old…not to mention he said im stuck with him for life…sooo there it is there…lol)
And We will get benefits that we don’t have now…but uh that’s it

The only difference to me in being married and not married is IF and that is a big IF we ever split up…it FREE…no money spent on the divorce, no extra money spent if I want my old name back.

Carolee - posted on 08/16/2011

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I feel more secure being married. We see it as a legally binding contract. I understand that it won't stop him from cheating on me if that is his wish any more than it would have before we were married. It does mean that I can and will walk away with at least half, if not more, of his stuff if he does. Nobody has ever stuck with me before, and it's nice to have somebody who is willing to legally bind themselves to me. I think it takes (or at least should take) a lot for somebody to say "I know we're going to have some REALLY crap times, but I WILL stay with you."

Merry - posted on 08/16/2011

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Lol I only take my rings off to shower......that's it right now. Lol when I worked at pet store id take them off to work since the cleaning chemicals warned they could damage rings. But other then that I've really never taken off my rings. Oh and in labor with Eric I did, and a month before Fierna was born my fingers swelled so i took them off.

Matt doesnt wear his to work, but other then that we always have them on :)

[deleted account]

Nothing will change for us.We want the day but emotionally we feel we are already 100% committed to one another.
Marriage will not create this.It can make it stronger though.It does for many.
Without marriage were still growing old & grey together(greyer in his case lol)what more could one want.

Stifler's - posted on 08/16/2011

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I don't even feel that we're any more committed after marriage. We lived together before, used each other's bank account before, had a child together and I would have got everything anyway if we broke up.

Stifler's - posted on 08/16/2011

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Our relationship hasn't changed from when we were not married to married. The kids have changed our relationship more. I loved having my wedding day and I love having a different last name etc. My husband never wears his ring and neither do I as it isn't practical with work and the kids.

Becky - posted on 08/15/2011

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We didn't live together before marriage, so for us, it was a significant change. Even though we spent a lot of time together, living together is quite a different story! I would have to say that not everything that changed after marriage changed for the better. I think we let go of some of the things we used to do before marriage - quit trying as hard, if you know what I mean - and sometimes I regret that.
We don't wear our rings anymore - we've both gained weight since marriage (me because I've been pregnant 3 times in 4 years!) and they don't fit anymore! :(

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/15/2011

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Amie, my husband sounds like you. He takes off his ring when he showers, or does dishes, or cleans, or makes hamburgers for dinner or when we go to the beach. In other words, a lot. He doesn't want it to get dirty or messy.

I on the other hand wear mine unless I'm mixing something with my hands. I probably shouldn't do it as much though. The ring he gave me for Christmas a few years ago is missing 1 stone and I broke the prong causing another stone to get loose because of work. Also the centre stone on my engagement ring was loose and and to be tightened so I didn't lose that too. But I love my rings, I joke they're proof that a straight man with one pair of shoes can have good taste in jewlery.

Amie - posted on 08/15/2011

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Oh, I just read a few more of these - someone mentioned their rings.

We don't wear our rings on a day to day basis. ahaha. Almost seems like a waste of a wad of cash but we have them. My husband never has because he's not allowed to at work and on his days off he forgets. I used to but after getting them gunked up with crafts, baking, cooking, cleaning, gardening, etc. I gave up. I got them cleaned and put them in my jewelry box.

My husband figures this means I don't like jewelry. I had to tell him it just means it's not practical for me to wear it all the time. LOL

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/15/2011

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Kimberly don't worry we did marry more for love than for the Visa. We also had a baby and I lived in NY and he lived in BC- we now both live in BC. It's a nice change from having to say I love you good night over the phone to saying it laying next to eachother in bed.

But not much has changed. We have separate chequing accounts because I get my child support direct deposited into my checquing and my ex is such an ass he'd rather eat glass than fill out paper work to get things transfered. But we do share money. And we share child care and chores. So it has changed some things.

Anna - posted on 08/15/2011

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The piece of paper from the state declaring us married didn't make any difference, outside of it being a convenience. But to me, standing up with my husband and making a vow (which I fully intend to honor) to love and be faithful to him all the days of our lives does. That was also when we moved in together (from across the country), starting planning for children etc. Being committed in that way made a huge difference to us.

It certainly wasn't a magical difference that automatically made us more knowledgeable about raising children. It made me more confident that I wouldn't be in it alone. I understand that some people may not need that, but I glad for it.

Kimberly - posted on 08/15/2011

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Oh and Meghan like you I had to get a Australian visa and everyone said ' just get married' which I didnt want to do cause I wanted to marry for love not immigration ( we did my visa as a defacto couple) But I agree it shouldnt make an immagration reason

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