Masterbation

Sara - posted on 09/02/2009 ( 80 moms have responded )

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I'm just wondering how you moms feel about teaching your children about masterbation? I have no problem with it. My daughter has recently discovered that it feels good to touch herself when I'm changing her diaper, and I don't discourage it. I personally think it's wrong to teach them that it's not right (but that should be taught that it's something you do at home, not in public!). I just saw a thread on another forum where a woman was disturbed that people would actually teach young children (5-8) about masterbation in sexual education courses. Thoughts?

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Jenny - posted on 09/04/2009

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If more people masturbated and released their tensions the world would be a better place.

Charlie - posted on 09/04/2009

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Quoting Christa:



Quoting Sara:




Quoting Christa:

After all this I think I will stick to abstinence for my children. I will reach them that sex is for marriage. You don't need to touch it and neither does anyone else until you are married. I mean REALLY?????








I can understand teaching your child to wait until marriage for sex, but are you saying they aren't supposed to do ANYTHING unless it's with a partner after marriage?  I'm sure they'll really enjoy sex if they're taught not to even touch themselves...that doesn't seem like a very healthy attitude to me or a good message to send to your child about sexuality.










Ya know...I really feel bad for some of you......I have no intention of posting here on FB what happens in my bedroom with my husband.  But for those of you out there who have to use other "tools" to satisfy yourself....I feel for you.  Sit down, take the time to talk to your husband.  Tell him what you are looking for in your sex life and let him tell you what he desires.  If you think its not possible to have a healthly sex life with your spouse and reach total gratification....you are crazy!!  Therefore....please dont' try to teach your children about sexuality until you yourself become more educated.






 






And also.....don't you think by teaching your children about masterbation you are creating and encouraging them to explore with their sexuality.   Why would you want them to go there as a child?  Someone please explain to me...why...why would you want your child sexually active either with themselves or with someone else?  I just don't understand!!






 






I think we all need to go read up on what SEXUALITY honestly is....then continue this discussion further.





hahaha ok , i certainly do not need your " symapathy " but thanks for assuming you know all about our sex lives , mine is fantastic !



What we are saying is we do not agree we should teach HOW to masturbate but we should teach them it is OK to masturbate .



Masturbation never hurt anyone , teaching children it is wrong to masturbate HAS hurt their sexual mentality in fact it has been documented that  sexual preditors are more likely to be sexually repressed as a child/teen  .



 

?? - posted on 09/04/2009

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I will never understand why women think masterbation is a 'mans job' to take care of for a woman. Sex and Masterbation are two completely different things.



Mental health, physical health, energy - over all general happiness - can be gained by having healthy and fulfilling sexual activity in your life - whether that be with a person or on your own. So EVERY woman should learn their own body so that no one has to rely on a penis or some dude's hands, mouth, body in order to have a sexual release.



And our daughters in particular NEED to learn these things so that they don't end up a bitter old woman thinking that only a man can ever please them. Talk about sticking to male dominance. A woman can't be happy without a man - to make her money and provide her a home and give her children and on top of it all she can't have a healthy sexual release unless she talks to her husband...........



We might as well tell our daughters they're on their own for life. We'll teach them the dangers, we'll tell them about the horrors in life, we'll teach them about our feelings and being in love or just in like and we'll make sure they understand english so they can ask SOMEONE ELSE questions but we WILL NOT discuss their bodies with them so that they can have a happy and healthy sexual start.

~Jennifer - posted on 09/04/2009

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Quoting Christa:



Quoting Sara:




Quoting Christa:

After all this I think I will stick to abstinence for my children. I will reach them that sex is for marriage. You don't need to touch it and neither does anyone else until you are married. I mean REALLY?????








I can understand teaching your child to wait until marriage for sex, but are you saying they aren't supposed to do ANYTHING unless it's with a partner after marriage?  I'm sure they'll really enjoy sex if they're taught not to even touch themselves...that doesn't seem like a very healthy attitude to me or a good message to send to your child about sexuality.










Ya know...I really feel bad for some of you......I have no intention of posting here on FB what happens in my bedroom with my husband.  But for those of you out there who have to use other "tools" to satisfy yourself....I feel for you.  Sit down, take the time to talk to your husband.  Tell him what you are looking for in your sex life and let him tell you what he desires.  If you think its not possible to have a healthly sex life with your spouse and reach total gratification....you are crazy!!  Therefore....please dont' try to teach your children about sexuality until you yourself become more educated.






 






And also.....don't you think by teaching your children about masterbation you are creating and encouraging them to explore with their sexuality.   Why would you want them to go there as a child?  Someone please explain to me...why...why would you want your child sexually active either with themselves or with someone else?  I just don't understand!!






 






I think we all need to go read up on what SEXUALITY honestly is....then continue this discussion further.





I think that some of us may need to jump back for a second and realize that before we start talking about  what people don't know about sex, we should start with 'what people don't know about each other'.   You're going so far in the first place as to assume that everyone is married or has a husband.....even a partner.   Big assumption.   Great - you have a husband....that's wonderful.  Happy to hear that he keeps you happy.....but that's just YOU.  Who knows.....you could have a low expectation of sexual satisfaction, whereas someone else could be completely off the charts with theirs....but to sit and say " I won't tell you what happens in my bedroom" and then to turn around and TELL other people how to conduct or not to conduct  themselves in theirs, in my opinion,  is total hypocrisy.   "I won't discuss it, except to tell you what YOU'RE doing wrong".   I won't discuss it, but "educate yourself" 



(you DO see how amusing 'educate yourself' sounds when the topic of the thread is masturbation, right?  ......)



As far as my children go, I'm not handing my three year old a dildo, but when we DO have our 'discussion' about sex and sexuality, there's no topic that I will 'lie' to her about, or pretend that it doesn't exist, or that it's 'wrong' to do this.  I'd rather she heard it from me than from one of her friends whose parents didn't feel it necessary to discuss the subject  OPENLY and in every aspect.  I don't want my child to be afraid or ashamed to ask me about ANYTHING. 

Sharon - posted on 09/04/2009

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I can see everyones' views. Christa seems to be one kind of extreme while the woman from Oprah seems like the other end of extreme. I'm striving for the middle ground.



some points that seem to be confused or overlooked in my opinion...



1. teaching masturbation to children. I don't think anyone here condones teaching HOW to mastubate to children of any age. I think the message is supposed to be that self touching is ok. AND later when when the child is a teen and perhaps becoming sexually aware giving mild encouragement for self exploration via masturbation is ok. By older I'm thinking of 16 = 18yrs old.



2. Dragging our personal sex lives into this and trying to make everyone feel bad doesn't do anything helpful. My husband is utterly satisfying, I have no need for a vibrator but lets face it. Not everyone is so lucky. Some married virgins with little to no sexual experience, or men who are simply weak in the sex department and some are married to men with very little sex drive. Not all men are walking bundles of "humping" hormones like mine. I have friends who want sex more frequently but can't get it. and lets face it, while we women can accomodate a horny man with next to no effort they can't do the same for us if they aren't in the mood. & lets just say some of the women I know have done it all to help their men with very little result and lots of work on their part. Divorce for lack of sex sucks so if a sex toy helps out - what is there to complain about or mock?



Sex is wonderful and natural but lets face it we don't live in such a wonderful & natural world.

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Jaime - posted on 09/05/2009

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Masturbation is inevitable...and I say that because people know what they need to feel pleasure once they reach the age where there hormones tell them "it's go time"...and if you are willing to let another person touch your body, then you should absolutely feel comfortable touching yourself...and in deed pleasuring yourself without feeling like you are doing something dirty or unnatural. Masturbation is a sensitive topic for a lot of people and perhaps it is because it has NOT been openly discussed in health class. School is where we learn about the world and about ourselves, so it only makes sense that the most intimate part of our life should be given that same courtesy. Teaching a child at a young age, where they are old enough to understand what is being taught, but young enough that we catch them ahead of the raging hormones is perhaps the smartest idea anyone has ever come up with! I would approve of it being taught to my Son in a sex ed class.

Esther - posted on 09/04/2009

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Quoting Christa:



Quoting Sara:




Quoting Christa:

After all this I think I will stick to abstinence for my children. I will reach them that sex is for marriage. You don't need to touch it and neither does anyone else until you are married. I mean REALLY?????








I can understand teaching your child to wait until marriage for sex, but are you saying they aren't supposed to do ANYTHING unless it's with a partner after marriage?  I'm sure they'll really enjoy sex if they're taught not to even touch themselves...that doesn't seem like a very healthy attitude to me or a good message to send to your child about sexuality.










Ya know...I really feel bad for some of you......I have no intention of posting here on FB what happens in my bedroom with my husband.  But for those of you out there who have to use other "tools" to satisfy yourself....I feel for you.  Sit down, take the time to talk to your husband.  Tell him what you are looking for in your sex life and let him tell you what he desires.  If you think its not possible to have a healthly sex life with your spouse and reach total gratification....you are crazy!!  Therefore....please dont' try to teach your children about sexuality until you yourself become more educated.



And also.....don't you think by teaching your children about masterbation you are creating and encouraging them to explore with their sexuality.   Why would you want them to go there as a child?  Someone please explain to me...why...why would you want your child sexually active either with themselves or with someone else?  I just don't understand!!



I think we all need to go read up on what SEXUALITY honestly is....then continue this discussion further.





Well Christa - as per my previous post, my parents never had any sex talk with me at all beyond "don't do it". I think the only thing my mom ever said aside from that is that it was nothing like what you see in porn movies. They never said anything explicitely to make me think it was a bad thing, and they certainly never said anything to think I should be ashamed of my body or my sexuality, but I guess my point is, they never said anything to the contrary either. They never "normalized" it for me. And to this day, I feel the effects of that. My parents have both had more than one sexual partner and they probably figured that I would figure it out on my own as well. But I didn't really. 



I sort-off saved myself. Not because I have a problem with sex before marriage, but because I'm picky and when I finally felt someone was worthy, it happened to be the man I'm still with today (we've now been married for 6 years, together 16 total). So I suppose I did it all the way you would like to see your kids behave (except for waiting for after the wedding ceremony). But because my parents were never comfortable discussing sex with me, I'm still not comfortable with my sexuality and I'm sure as hell not comfortable discussing it with my husband. I wish my parents HAD been more open, more explicit & had made it seem more like a normal, healthy part of life. On an intellectual level I know that it is, but on an emotional level I still struggle.

Sharon - posted on 09/04/2009

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Bumper sticker suggestion "Dildos bring world peace give one a whirl"

Sharon - posted on 09/04/2009

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(tongue in cheek) new bumper sticker... "Get Fucked = World Peace"

Sara - posted on 09/04/2009

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Quoting Jo:

I will never understand why women think masterbation is a 'mans job' to take care of for a woman. Sex and Masterbation are two completely different things.

Mental health, physical health, energy - over all general happiness - can be gained by having healthy and fulfilling sexual activity in your life - whether that be with a person or on your own. So EVERY woman should learn their own body so that no one has to rely on a penis or some dude's hands, mouth, body in order to have a sexual release.

And our daughters in particular NEED to learn these things so that they don't end up a bitter old woman thinking that only a man can ever please them. Talk about sticking to male dominance. A woman can't be happy without a man - to make her money and provide her a home and give her children and on top of it all she can't have a healthy sexual release unless she talks to her husband...........

We might as well tell our daughters they're on their own for life. We'll teach them the dangers, we'll tell them about the horrors in life, we'll teach them about our feelings and being in love or just in like and we'll make sure they understand english so they can ask SOMEONE ELSE questions but we WILL NOT discuss their bodies with them so that they can have a happy and healthy sexual start.


I totally agree, Jo. 

Sara - posted on 09/04/2009

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Quoting Christa:



Quoting Sara:




Quoting Christa:

After all this I think I will stick to abstinence for my children. I will reach them that sex is for marriage. You don't need to touch it and neither does anyone else until you are married. I mean REALLY?????








I can understand teaching your child to wait until marriage for sex, but are you saying they aren't supposed to do ANYTHING unless it's with a partner after marriage?  I'm sure they'll really enjoy sex if they're taught not to even touch themselves...that doesn't seem like a very healthy attitude to me or a good message to send to your child about sexuality.










Ya know...I really feel bad for some of you......I have no intention of posting here on FB what happens in my bedroom with my husband.  But for those of you out there who have to use other "tools" to satisfy yourself....I feel for you.  Sit down, take the time to talk to your husband.  Tell him what you are looking for in your sex life and let him tell you what he desires.  If you think its not possible to have a healthly sex life with your spouse and reach total gratification....you are crazy!!  Therefore....please dont' try to teach your children about sexuality until you yourself become more educated.






 






And also.....don't you think by teaching your children about masterbation you are creating and encouraging them to explore with their sexuality.   Why would you want them to go there as a child?  Someone please explain to me...why...why would you want your child sexually active either with themselves or with someone else?  I just don't understand!!






 






I think we all need to go read up on what SEXUALITY honestly is....then continue this discussion further.





I don't need your sympathy, I have a great sex life thankyouverymuch. .



 



sex·u·al·i·ty 



: the quality or state of being sexual: a : the condition of having sex b : receptivity or interest



 



Here's my question...why would it be wrong to encourage your child to explore their sexuality?  I do not at all think that means encouraging them to have sex.    I was just trying to point out that the view you took before seemed very narrow.  You can't just say "Don't do it" and leave it at that, becasue they're going to hear it somewhere...wouldn't you rather keep those lines of communication open and have it come from you?  Having such a closed up view of your own body and sex seems like it won't lead to a very satisfying sex life...how can you talk to your partner about it if you can't talk to people you trust (i.e.parents) about it?  You can do whatever you want with your own child, but please don't imply that if some of us chose to do it differently then we're sluts or sexual deviants or robbing our children of their childhood or that our husbands can't satisfy us...that's uncalled for.  Can't we have this debate like civilized adults?

Amie - posted on 09/04/2009

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Quoting Sharon:

I can see everyones' views. Christa seems to be one kind of extreme while the woman from Oprah seems like the other end of extreme. I'm striving for the middle ground.

some points that seem to be confused or overlooked in my opinion...

1. teaching masturbation to children. I don't think anyone here condones teaching HOW to mastubate to children of any age. I think the message is supposed to be that self touching is ok. AND later when when the child is a teen and perhaps becoming sexually aware giving mild encouragement for self exploration via masturbation is ok. By older I'm thinking of 16 = 18yrs old.

2. Dragging our personal sex lives into this and trying to make everyone feel bad doesn't do anything helpful. My husband is utterly satisfying, I have no need for a vibrator but lets face it. Not everyone is so lucky. Some married virgins with little to no sexual experience, or men who are simply weak in the sex department and some are married to men with very little sex drive. Not all men are walking bundles of "humping" hormones like mine. I have friends who want sex more frequently but can't get it. and lets face it, while we women can accomodate a horny man with next to no effort they can't do the same for us if they aren't in the mood. & lets just say some of the women I know have done it all to help their men with very little result and lots of work on their part. Divorce for lack of sex sucks so if a sex toy helps out - what is there to complain about or mock?

Sex is wonderful and natural but lets face it we don't live in such a wonderful & natural world.


Thank you Sharon! I'm hoping in all my long winded posts that is what came across for how I am raising my children.



I'm not sitting there telling my daughter... ok so you put this there and go like this and voila orgasm. That's disturbing to think about. She knows self exploration is OK. That there is nothing wrong with knowing her body. As for a possible clitoral vibrator.... when she's older 15-18 I may get her one then. It depends on when she's ready and mature enough to understand. That she doesn't need to experiment with boys to deal with her pent up sexual frustrations as a teenager. She can do it fine on her own and sometimes those little things help. We have an open relationship and great communication between each other though.



 



As for dragging our sex lives into it. Well I don't think ANYONE should feel bad. If you are satisfied with how yours is then no one can tell you it's crap. That is there close minded view. No two relationships are alike. If it works keep doing it, if it stops working, fix it. A strangers views on how their sex life is has no bearing on mine.

Amie - posted on 09/04/2009

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Quoting Christa:




Ya know...I really feel bad for some of you......I have no intention of posting here on FB what happens in my bedroom with my husband.  But for those of you out there who have to use other "tools" to satisfy yourself....I feel for you.  Sit down, take the time to talk to your husband.  Tell him what you are looking for in your sex life and let him tell you what he desires.  If you think its not possible to have a healthly sex life with your spouse and reach total gratification....you are crazy!!  Therefore....please dont' try to teach your children about sexuality until you yourself become more educated.






 






And also.....don't you think by teaching your children about masterbation you are creating and encouraging them to explore with their sexuality.   Why would you want them to go there as a child?  Someone please explain to me...why...why would you want your child sexually active either with themselves or with someone else?  I just don't understand!!






 






I think we all need to go read up on what SEXUALITY honestly is....then continue this discussion further.





How on earth did this become a discussion about what goes on in OUR bedrooms as husbands and wives? You made quite the leap there. Honestly.... my husband and I have a great sex life. We talk about what we want with each other, when we want to try something new and yes we BOTH masturbate from time to time. It has no bearing or impact on our sex life. We just can't always get together, we have jobs, 4 kids, lives that are very busy. We make as much time as possible but it's not always easy to get at it more than 2-3 times a week. So a great big.... get your nose outta my bedroom to you. WE have a VERY healthy sex life and are VERY satisfied.



 



We are also satisfied and able to talk about it because we know each other and we know ourselves. We know our bodies and what we want. If you want to stick your head in the sand like an ostrich about your child's sexuality by all means do so. I will continue to teach and guide my girls and my son in all aspects of their life. Which includes  their sexuality!



 



I would much rather my daughter does masturbate and get a hold of herself and know exactly what she wants and likes. When the time comes for her to have a relationship that involves sex she is more likely to be satisfied because of her knowledge. This does not mean there's a correlation to her having sex young. I highly doubt my daughter will. She talks to me about everything, she knows she can without me sitting there saying... DON'T DO IT IT'S BAD. That's a pretty lame explanation to a child. If you want to tell them it's bad fine, at least explain further.



Otherwise children with no information will turn to girls like my daughter who do have it and then hide it from their parents! It DOES happen. My daughter already has friends like this who know NOTHING because there parents just say it's bad, we don't talk about that. Why should the onus be on my daughter to either say something to correct them when they make statements that are wrong? I will never forget her friend who thought her period was when hair starts growing in your arm pits because her mother chose not to teach her anything about sexuality and that included puberty. They go hand in hand.



 



You don't have to agree with me,  you don't have to like what I have to say or how I raise my children. But don't be surprised when your children try to broach the subject with you then turn to their friends because you don't want to have that conversation.

Christa - posted on 09/04/2009

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Quoting Sara:



Quoting Christa:

After all this I think I will stick to abstinence for my children. I will reach them that sex is for marriage. You don't need to touch it and neither does anyone else until you are married. I mean REALLY?????






I can understand teaching your child to wait until marriage for sex, but are you saying they aren't supposed to do ANYTHING unless it's with a partner after marriage?  I'm sure they'll really enjoy sex if they're taught not to even touch themselves...that doesn't seem like a very healthy attitude to me or a good message to send to your child about sexuality.






Ya know...I really feel bad for some of you......I have no intention of posting here on FB what happens in my bedroom with my husband.  But for those of you out there who have to use other "tools" to satisfy yourself....I feel for you.  Sit down, take the time to talk to your husband.  Tell him what you are looking for in your sex life and let him tell you what he desires.  If you think its not possible to have a healthly sex life with your spouse and reach total gratification....you are crazy!!  Therefore....please dont' try to teach your children about sexuality until you yourself become more educated.



 



And also.....don't you think by teaching your children about masterbation you are creating and encouraging them to explore with their sexuality.   Why would you want them to go there as a child?  Someone please explain to me...why...why would you want your child sexually active either with themselves or with someone else?  I just don't understand!!



 



I think we all need to go read up on what SEXUALITY honestly is....then continue this discussion further.

Sara - posted on 09/04/2009

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Quoting Christa:

After all this I think I will stick to abstinence for my children. I will reach them that sex is for marriage. You don't need to touch it and neither does anyone else until you are married. I mean REALLY?????



I can understand teaching your child to wait until marriage for sex, but are you saying they aren't supposed to do ANYTHING unless it's with a partner after marriage?  I'm sure they'll really enjoy sex if they're taught not to even touch themselves...that doesn't seem like a very healthy attitude to me or a good message to send to your child about sexuality.

Amie - posted on 09/03/2009

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Sharon,
That is all well and good for you to raise your daughter how you see fit. No one has said anyone else is doing it wrong.

We are all different and how we raise our children is different. Mine will have all the knowledge she needs and we have a very open relationship. Just tonight she was telling me about her new tingling feelings she's having when she thinks about boys. So we had yet another talk. I'm not about to break out the vibrator for her yet though. She's only 9 but is aware of her changing body. She is also aware she can come to me with anything and I won't turn away from her.

My daughter is not a half wit, she probably could figure it out on her own. I however don't want to have her do that just because it may be uncomfortable for me to talk to her about it. That's selfish on my part.

You or anyone else does not need to agree with me in any statement I have made. It is just how I feel about raising my kids. They will lack for nothing, from material needs, everyday needs, knowledge, stability and everything else that a child needs throughout their life.

Sharon - posted on 09/03/2009

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I stand by my original statement.



I was smart enough to figure it out.



I think women who cannot achieve an orgasm have either a physical issue or are ashamed of their bodies or self touching.



I wasn't brought up to be ashamed of my body and my daughter won't be either. She isn't half witted - and um even the half wits can figure it out without help - so I don't see why I need to spell it out.

Erin - posted on 09/03/2009

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Quoting dana:

I see no problem with teenagers masturbating, I'm just not going to buy the vibrator for my daughter, if I had one.


Totally agree Dana! I think there's a HUGE grey area between teaching abstinence (which I will not be doing) and handing my teenage daughter a vibrator in a pretty pink box!!

?? - posted on 09/03/2009

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Quoting dana:



I know this is a serious conversation but, when I read the line "And I plan on being there to observe him the whole time...."  I about died.  I had to reread that one.  LMAO






ROFL sick!!!!!!!



I will observe his learning!!!!!!!!!



Observe his level of understanding!!!!!!



hahahahaha

Dana - posted on 09/03/2009

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Quoting Jo:

*warning - kinda graphic*

I find it humorous when mothers say 'I figured it out on my own so my daughter can too.' If you can give your daughter the tools/hints/tips to help her 'figure it out on her own' you're doing her a world of help. I think you're doing your daughter a huge disservice by playing that card into her hand. You can never give your child too much information - IF you teach it to her properly.

There are MILLIONS of women who NEVER and I mean NEVER experience a 'real' orgasm. Sure.. they enjoy sex... they love fingering themselves but they've never been able to actually get off. And why is that? Because most women are never taught about their bodies. MOST WOMEN don't experience orgasms until late in life after they've gone 20 years of TRYING SO HARD and finally asking some questions, reading some books, looking up online and playing with the toys / experimenting with their bodies.

I don't have the facts and figures on those stats but it's true. If I have a daughter, I will openly discussing sex, sexual pleasure, good touch, bad touch, when to touch, where to touch, why to touch, why not to touch, I will cover all of it WHEN SHE IS READY. And I absolutely will buy her an external vibrator when she is old enough to know how to use it properly, and I know she will be responsible with her body.

Communication is KEY to ANY relationship - even if it is with your daughter.

My son is 10 months and he grabs at his stuff whenever I change his diaper. He doesn't know what he's doing though. He grabs his fingers, my hair, his toys the same way. When he is ready to learn, I will teach him. Sex is a part of life. Masterbation is a part of life. His weiner holds a LOT of responsibility in his life and I plan on making sure he knows how to control that responsibility - before, during and after it is put to use in it's natural way.

Education only actually teaches a child if they are ready to learn whatever is being taught - if he's not ready to learn whatever it is - then he's not ready. And I plan on being there to observe him the whole time and I think I will be able to tell whether he is ready or not. As far as schools teaching sex - I will be very active in my sons schooling and I plan on being prewarned of what will be said so that I can either take him out of class or discuss what will be discussed in class before it happens.


I know this is a serious conversation but, when I read the line "And I plan on being there to observe him the whole time...."  I about died.  I had to reread that one.  LMAO

?? - posted on 09/03/2009

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*warning - kinda graphic*



I find it humorous when mothers say 'I figured it out on my own so my daughter can too.' If you can give your daughter the tools/hints/tips to help her 'figure it out on her own' you're doing her a world of help. I think you're doing your daughter a huge disservice by playing that card into her hand. You can never give your child too much information - IF you teach it to her properly.



There are MILLIONS of women who NEVER and I mean NEVER experience a 'real' orgasm. Sure.. they enjoy sex... they love fingering themselves but they've never been able to actually get off. And why is that? Because most women are never taught about their bodies. MOST WOMEN don't experience orgasms until late in life after they've gone 20 years of TRYING SO HARD and finally asking some questions, reading some books, looking up online and playing with the toys / experimenting with their bodies.



I don't have the facts and figures on those stats but it's true. If I have a daughter, I will openly discussing sex, sexual pleasure, good touch, bad touch, when to touch, where to touch, why to touch, why not to touch, I will cover all of it WHEN SHE IS READY. And I absolutely will buy her an external vibrator when she is old enough to know how to use it properly, and I know she will be responsible with her body.



Communication is KEY to ANY relationship - even if it is with your daughter.



My son is 10 months and he grabs at his stuff whenever I change his diaper. He doesn't know what he's doing though. He grabs his fingers, my hair, his toys the same way. When he is ready to learn, I will teach him. Sex is a part of life. Masterbation is a part of life. His weiner holds a LOT of responsibility in his life and I plan on making sure he knows how to control that responsibility - before, during and after it is put to use in it's natural way.



Education only actually teaches a child if they are ready to learn whatever is being taught - if he's not ready to learn whatever it is - then he's not ready. And I plan on being there to observe him the whole time and I think I will be able to tell whether he is ready or not. As far as schools teaching sex - I will be very active in my sons schooling and I plan on being prewarned of what will be said so that I can either take him out of class or discuss what will be discussed in class before it happens.

Dana - posted on 09/03/2009

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I see no problem with teenagers masturbating, I'm just not going to buy the vibrator for my daughter, if I had one.

Christa - posted on 09/03/2009

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After all this I think I will stick to abstinence for my children. I will reach them that sex is for marriage. You don't need to touch it and neither does anyone else until you are married. I mean REALLY?????

Amie - posted on 09/03/2009

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Quoting Sharon:

Wait wait wait!!!! Let me get this straight.

I'm supposed to spell it out for my daughter and give her the 'tools'. But my son is going to figure this out on his own, with no help whatsoever from me. Considering how much yelling I have to do to get him out of the bathroom - I think he's got it figured out already.

If boys can figure this out on their own, And "I" figured this out on my own, why are girls today supposed to be just that stupid they can't figure it out?


Ummm no. That's what my husband is for. Since our son has started asking he's been the one fielding all of that side of it.



 



He just comes to me to make sure what he says won't warp our boy. LOL

Sharon - posted on 09/03/2009

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Wait wait wait!!!! Let me get this straight.



I'm supposed to spell it out for my daughter and give her the 'tools'. But my son is going to figure this out on his own, with no help whatsoever from me. Considering how much yelling I have to do to get him out of the bathroom - I think he's got it figured out already.



If boys can figure this out on their own, And "I" figured this out on my own, why are girls today supposed to be just that stupid they can't figure it out?

Sharon - posted on 09/03/2009

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Here's the way I see it. I had sex to prove something to myself. I figured out masterbation on my own without my mother giving me a vibrator. I didn't get pregnant as a teen, I got pregnant because the doctors were wrong. I'm glad though, lol.



So I figure with the same talks my mother & I had, plus sex ed, plus some extra input from me, I'm hoping my daughter will avoid the issues of teen pregnancy without me needing to spell out the A-B-Cs of masterbation.



And my oldest is already handling his room trash and the kids bathroom trash. lol

Amie - posted on 09/03/2009

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Quoting Loureen:

hahaha glad i have a son , just a bottle of lube and some kleenex right ? daddy can discuss that one and he can take out his own trash . eeeew .


ROFL! That's great. Ryan will be doing the same thing and yes... they can take out their own trash. LOL!!!

Charlie - posted on 09/03/2009

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hahaha glad i have a son , just a bottle of lube and some kleenex right ? daddy can discuss that one and he can take out his own trash . eeeew .

Erin - posted on 09/03/2009

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Ok I am FAR from a prude, but I see no reason why my daughter needs to know about The Morning-After Pill, orgasm or FGM at 9 years old. So if those things were implemented in her school curriculum I would definitely remove her from the class.

I think the first stage of any sex education is discussing puberty and the basic mechanics of sex. That is all that is appropriate, or necessary, at that age (pre-pubescent) IMO. Touching of private parts will be dealt with much earlier (as it becomes an issue), but as I said I don't see what a baby or toddler is doing as masturbating, but rather learning and exploring.

And as for the idea of giving my daughter a vibrator.... ummmm no. Not for us :-p I think that's taking the open and honest dialogue a little too far.

Charlie - posted on 09/03/2009

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Quoting Amie:



Quoting Esther:

This discussion reminded me of a show Oprah did with Dr Laura Berman. Dr Berman told parents to encourage their kids (older ones anyway) to masturbate. This is what I found:

This is why Dr. Berman says it's important to have a big talk with your child when she hits high school about masturbation and orgasms. "This is something that's normal and natural, and if you're talking to a girl from a young age about this, it's a natural thing," she says.

Teaching your daughters to take control of their own pleasure can help them avoid unhealthy sexual experiences. "You're teaching them about their own body and pleasuring themselves and taking the reins of their own sexuality so that they don't ever have to depend on any other teenage boy to do it for them," Dr. Berman says.

To teach your 15- or 16-year-old daughter the concept of pleasure, Dr. Berman recommends a product many mothers may not think of getting for their daughters—a clitoral vibrator. "I know it's controversial, but I can tell you giving them this kind of information makes them safer in the long run," Dr. Berman says.

Dr. Berman recommends a small vibrator. "I'm talking about something external for the clitoris," she says. "I'm not talking about things that go internally at all—[just] things that they can explore externally to arouse them."

"The reason I suggest a vibrator is because so many women and girls and adult women have a hard time reaching orgasm through self-stimulation alone," she says. "This is just a way to normalize it and normalize sexual exploration."

Here's more: http://www.oprah.com/media/20090714-radi...

I have to admit, I would be SUPER uncomfortable suggesting this to my daughter (don't have one - pfew) - but it does kind of make sense to me.





*sigh*






 






I know people are not going to agree with me but I think this is good advice.






 






There is nothing wrong with masturbation, especially for a teenager. If they can explore their own bodies and get to know them I think they will be even more sexually aware of themselves. They will know what they like, they will know what to expect, they will know how to achieve orgasm but through their own knowledge of themselves. Not through trial and error having sex with a boy(s) (or girl(s), whichever). Armed with that and the full knowledge of what a big decision sex is I think my girls will make better decisions than I did.






 






As much as my parents tried to prepare me they never broached the subject of masturbation. It's not that it was a dirty subject, it was that they were uncomfortable. Which in hindsight makes no sense to me at all. They had no problem telling us if/when you are ready for sex just ask us to get you condoms or to make an appointment so you can go on Birth Control. Like that's not uncomfortable.






 






I don't think I'll sit there and explain exactly what masturbation is (since she already knows now) and how she should do it. No two people achieve orgasm in the exact same way anyway. But it will be another tool for her to use when coming into her sexual awareness and dealing with raging hormones that many teens face. I would rather she get to know herself instead of bottling it up or experiment with a boy(s).





I agree ladies !

Amie - posted on 09/03/2009

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Quoting dana:

Ok, that's where I draw the line. What's next, lube for my son? YUCK!


I'd rather my son had that then used the family hand lotion. That is yuck. =S

Amie - posted on 09/03/2009

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Quoting Esther:

This discussion reminded me of a show Oprah did with Dr Laura Berman. Dr Berman told parents to encourage their kids (older ones anyway) to masturbate. This is what I found:

This is why Dr. Berman says it's important to have a big talk with your child when she hits high school about masturbation and orgasms. "This is something that's normal and natural, and if you're talking to a girl from a young age about this, it's a natural thing," she says.

Teaching your daughters to take control of their own pleasure can help them avoid unhealthy sexual experiences. "You're teaching them about their own body and pleasuring themselves and taking the reins of their own sexuality so that they don't ever have to depend on any other teenage boy to do it for them," Dr. Berman says.

To teach your 15- or 16-year-old daughter the concept of pleasure, Dr. Berman recommends a product many mothers may not think of getting for their daughters—a clitoral vibrator. "I know it's controversial, but I can tell you giving them this kind of information makes them safer in the long run," Dr. Berman says.

Dr. Berman recommends a small vibrator. "I'm talking about something external for the clitoris," she says. "I'm not talking about things that go internally at all—[just] things that they can explore externally to arouse them."

"The reason I suggest a vibrator is because so many women and girls and adult women have a hard time reaching orgasm through self-stimulation alone," she says. "This is just a way to normalize it and normalize sexual exploration."

Here's more: http://www.oprah.com/media/20090714-radi...

I have to admit, I would be SUPER uncomfortable suggesting this to my daughter (don't have one - pfew) - but it does kind of make sense to me.


*sigh*



 



I know people are not going to agree with me but I think this is good advice.



 



There is nothing wrong with masturbation, especially for a teenager. If they can explore their own bodies and get to know them I think they will be even more sexually aware of themselves. They will know what they like, they will know what to expect, they will know how to achieve orgasm but through their own knowledge of themselves. Not through trial and error having sex with a boy(s) (or girl(s), whichever). Armed with that and the full knowledge of what a big decision sex is I think my girls will make better decisions than I did.



 



As much as my parents tried to prepare me they never broached the subject of masturbation. It's not that it was a dirty subject, it was that they were uncomfortable. Which in hindsight makes no sense to me at all. They had no problem telling us if/when you are ready for sex just ask us to get you condoms or to make an appointment so you can go on Birth Control. Like that's not uncomfortable.



 



I don't think I'll sit there and explain exactly what masturbation is (since she already knows now) and how she should do it. No two people achieve orgasm in the exact same way anyway. But it will be another tool for her to use when coming into her sexual awareness and dealing with raging hormones that many teens face. I would rather she get to know herself instead of bottling it up or experiment with a boy(s).

ME - posted on 09/03/2009

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I'm wondering whether the idea of telling children that touching themselves in private is normal is not placed in opposition to "if a stranger touches you there, it might feel 'good', but it's a 'bad' kind of touching". We deffinately teach small children about good touches and bad touches in school...this is important IMO...we certainly don't want children who have already discovered such private pleasure to feel like they are dirty or bad. I'm SURE that no one would suggest that we should be showing a five year old how to use a vibrator, but there are "age appropriate" levels of sex ed at all ages, that's why they divide the curriculum up by age groups.

[deleted account]

Esther said I should share this story here. It's about "teaching" masturbation. Now, I don't think that it's a subject that needs to be addressed in school at all. But, in some cases, at home, it does need to be taught. Ok, here goes. Before you all go getting all shocked and disgusted with me.....When my nephew was little (I think he was around 6 or 7 but he could have been younger) my sister in law caught him playing with himself. He was holding it in one hand and taking his other hand and "smacking" the tip. She was worried he would actually harm himself so she had my brother go in and show him the proper (i.e. non-harmful) way to do it. His little brother had seen him doing it the wrong way and did it himself. Ended up in the ER with (and I shit you not) a sprained penis. It was swollen and bruised from doing it wrong....so he had to be taught the right way too. My poor nephews are 16 and 18 now and they would KILL me if they knew I was talking about their "junk" in "public" lol To me, that's probably the only acceptable reason for "teaching" a child to masturbate. Ok, now you can stop throwing tomatoes at me lol

Sara - posted on 09/03/2009

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I totally agree with Dr. Berman. Hope this isn't TMI, but I think masterbation is part of the reason I held off until I was older for sex (I was 20 when I lost my virginity). I don't think there's anything wrong with offering your daugther a vibrator...I don't know that I could just hand it over and be like "Here", but I might wrap it up, include a book about sex and sexuality with it and let her open it and contemplate in private...but I also think that it's important for young women to know that most of the time a penis alone isn't going to fulfill all their sexual desires. Sometimes you have to take into your own hands...pun intended.

Sharon - posted on 09/03/2009

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LOL Esther I would say you learned from your parents lessons! The old bible saying of the "sins of the father fall on the son"? I would interpret as the child learning from the hard lessons in life his father got!!

[deleted account]

Quoting Sara:

CNS has their own agenda? :)


Well... they tout themselves as an alternative to the 'liberal' media. I think their stories tend to have a conservative slant. But maybe that's just because I'm a liberal myself. :)

Esther - posted on 09/03/2009

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lol - I don't think I am more loose than my parents!! They both definitely had more sexual partners than I did. My mom even dated a married man for a while.

Sharon - posted on 09/03/2009

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Hey! The good news hun? We're both more "loose" than our parents!! That means our kids will be more loose than we are! LOL so maybe our daughters/sons can comfortably have that conversation when its time!

Esther - posted on 09/03/2009

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Yeah, I know Sharon. I'd be sweating bullets having that kind of conversation. However, my parents never had any kind of talk with me. And I have only been with one boy/man, my husband. But I do have huge hangups about sex. To this day, I feel kind of embarassed, it takes a lot for me to relax enough to enjoy myself, and I am very uncomfortable talking about sex. So the morals were clearly instilled in me, but so was a lot of shame, even though I don't think my parents tried to instill any shame. They just focused on the "don't do it" and definitely "don't do it in my home" stuff. Not sure that's the answer either.

Sharon - posted on 09/03/2009

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I wish I could there Esther - i really wish I could - I just can't. next someone will suggest we give videos on how best to achieve orgasm. Why can't we just instill morals??? We have our whole lives to achieve climax orgasms or hit the big G. Sex CAN wait. People can be smart about having sex.

Esther - posted on 09/03/2009

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Oh, I should add that Dr Berman also said that she thinks that encouraging your (teen) daughters to masturbate will help them understand that they can have feelings of sexual pleasure and reach orgasm without a boy, which will help avoid situations where they have sex with a boy and think that those physical feelings she experienced are because of the boy, making it more likely for them to look to boys for those experiences.

Sharon - posted on 09/03/2009

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rotfl - on ebay I once found cherry flavored anal lube, I wasn't looking for that or anything remotely like that..... the shopping suggestions I got for weeks SUCKED

Sharon - posted on 09/03/2009

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yeah I think that I'll stop at the "masturbation is a natural thing and don't feel guilty for indulging" and right after that little talk I'll stop putting things in her bedside drawer.

Esther - posted on 09/03/2009

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This discussion reminded me of a show Oprah did with Dr Laura Berman. Dr Berman told parents to encourage their kids (older ones anyway) to masturbate. This is what I found:

This is why Dr. Berman says it's important to have a big talk with your child when she hits high school about masturbation and orgasms. "This is something that's normal and natural, and if you're talking to a girl from a young age about this, it's a natural thing," she says.

Teaching your daughters to take control of their own pleasure can help them avoid unhealthy sexual experiences. "You're teaching them about their own body and pleasuring themselves and taking the reins of their own sexuality so that they don't ever have to depend on any other teenage boy to do it for them," Dr. Berman says.

To teach your 15- or 16-year-old daughter the concept of pleasure, Dr. Berman recommends a product many mothers may not think of getting for their daughters—a clitoral vibrator. "I know it's controversial, but I can tell you giving them this kind of information makes them safer in the long run," Dr. Berman says.

Dr. Berman recommends a small vibrator. "I'm talking about something external for the clitoris," she says. "I'm not talking about things that go internally at all—[just] things that they can explore externally to arouse them."

"The reason I suggest a vibrator is because so many women and girls and adult women have a hard time reaching orgasm through self-stimulation alone," she says. "This is just a way to normalize it and normalize sexual exploration."

Here's more: http://www.oprah.com/media/20090714-radi...

I have to admit, I would be SUPER uncomfortable suggesting this to my daughter (don't have one - pfew) - but it does kind of make sense to me.

[deleted account]

I don't think that CNS article really gave a lot of context to the curriculum recommendations. Not surprising, since they have an agenda of their own. The UNESCO recommendations actually included quite a lot of the science and data that went in to their development. I found the actual UNESCO document here (unfortunately, you'll need to view it as html):

http://unesdoc.unesco.org/images/0018/00...

I got the impression that this is a set of recommendations for UN members, and that they are suggested to take what is appropriate for their country and skip the rest. The issue of AIDS, for example, should be addressed differently in, say, South Africa than here in the US. Yes, 9 yrs old seems young to talk about sex, but lots of girls are starting puberty at age 8 or 9 now. I know that when I was in the 6th grade, the girl who sat next to me in class was pregnant - so I'd say puberty is a good time to start talking about safe sex. And other countries may have different needs in terms of sex education - that's why these recommendations are so broad.

I did a quick read, but still didn't find anything I thought was inappropriate. Granted, I don't know that a lot of it is necessary here - and I'd rather see time spent on reading and math - but I'd wouldn't object to any of the content, since I think kids are able to understand.

Amie - posted on 09/03/2009

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That's why the UN should not be trying to get things like this for the world over though. What is normal in one country is not normal in another. It really should be only done country by country. I think it would save a lot of hassle and outrage by parents.

Sara - posted on 09/03/2009

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I think this article is merely a suggestion of guidelines from the UN. Again, what is appropriate for your 10 year old in Canada may differ from what is approapriate for a 10 year old in Uganda...

Amie - posted on 09/03/2009

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Quoting Sara:

here:

http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/5298...


Thanks Sara.
Now I'm going to take out a few bits of the article and post my thoughts.
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For those aged 5 to 8, some key concepts to be discussed are:

-- “Touching and rubbing one’s genitals is called masturbation” and that “girls and boys have private body parts that can feel pleasurable when touched by oneself.”
-- That “people receive messages about sex, gender, and sexuality from their cultures and religions.”
-- That “all people regardless of their health status, religion, origin, race or sexual status can raise a child and give it the love it deserves.”
-- “Gender inequality,” “examples of gender stereotypes,” and “gender-based violence.”
-- Description of fertilization, conception, pregnancy, and delivery.

 
The first bit of this my 5 year old already knows. Even if he doesn't know the word masturbation. It's a pretty big word for a small child. Regardless I have no problem with that.
 I have no problem with them learning about other cultures and how things are done in them. At this age though I don't think they will fully understand what is being said to them on the sex ed front.
 I agree with teaching them tolerance as well towards all people but why is that a part of sex ed? Why is that not just a normal part of every day teaching?
 Gender inequality, stereotypes and violence well yes it is important they find out but that one I think can be bumped up to the next age range. As well as the description of fertilization, conception, pregnancy and delivery. Just because I am comfortable with explaining this to my children does not mean I think all kids need to know at this age. While my kids do know the basics they don't neccessarily understand it all so we kept it as basic as possible. We also told them to be careful who they talk to about it since some parents would not want their children knowing.

For those aged 9 to 12, key concepts include:

-- “specific steps involved in obtaining and using condoms and contraception, including emergency contraception” and the “signs and symptoms of pregnancy.”
-- That “legal abortion performed under sterile conditions by medically trained personnel is safe.”
-- Discussing the ideas of “homophobia, transphobia and abuse of power.”
-- Discussing that “every person has the right to decide whether to become a parent, including disable people and people living with HIV” as well as “ART (anti-retroviral therapy) and side-effects on puberty.”
-- That “both men and women can give and receive sexual pleasure” and the “definition and function of orgasm.”
-- Discussing “examples of harmful traditional practices,” listed examples of which include female genital cutting, honour killings, bride killings, and polygamy.”


 The only part of this I agree with is teaching about homophobica, transphobia, abuse of power and the side effects of puberty. This one should really be taught on a grade by grade level and not lump them altogether from 9-12 yrs.
 My 9 year old does not need to know about condoms, contraception, emergency contraception or the signs of pregnancy. Nor does she need to know beyond the basics of sex. That it is pleasurable and what an orgasm is, is too much information. The mechanics of it was enough for her, even at that she thought it was gross. I don't think she'd believe it was pleasurable just yet. haha.
 Harmful traditional practices are hard enough for adults to hear about (genital cutting, honor killings, etc.) why on earth would you want to inflict that upon a child?

For those aged 12 to 15, the report recommends discussing “access to safe abortion and post-abortion care” and the “use and misuse of emergency contraception.”

This one I'm not sure about. I would like to think that this is not needed but the sad fact is teenagers are having sex younger and younger. They need the information beyond Don't have sex. That just doesn't cut it.
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Regardless of my feelings though if it is going to be a part of the curriculm it will be. I can always opt out of it if I feel it is too much for my children. I can teach them at home as I've been doing. I can go to their teachers and tell them my concerns. As well as their Principal, Superintendent and the school board. I can voice my views and give them suggestions.

I agree with being honest with my children but there is really no need for so much information to be given at such a young age. It is blantantly not age appropriate either. I am glad I am involved with my children's schools though. If they ever tried to teach them some of these I would be signing the slip saying they could not participate.

Sara - posted on 09/03/2009

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I think you make good points Dana...my OP was spurred by what I read on another thread in a more *ahem* conservative group...they were shocked by this article, just totally shocked and it just got me to thinking about how people feel about teaching their children about masterbation, and really just sex in general. this has been an interesting convo so far. :)

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