Mom let's baby cry so hard he/she passes out

Bethany - posted on 08/03/2010

Exactly Erin! Every parent (who is even remotely involved) has had those moments (and even days- weeks?!?) where it's difficult to keep giving and giving and GIVING to that newborn. It is exhausting and at times frustrating. Important to take a break to remain calm... but letting a baby "cry it out"- totally different story.

Bethany - posted on 08/03/2010

Letting a baby "cry it out" only reinforces the message (that they will carry on into adulthood) that life is insecure, unstable, and harsh. This type of parenting may or may not be "abusive" but it is certainly not effective and absolutely psychologically damaging to both parent and child. A parent has to "turn off" to let a baby cry like that, untouched and uncomforted. At what point does the parent "turn on" again? It makes no sense. Anyone familiar with the wire monkey mother studies done a few decades back will understand what I'm talking about. Basically, the take-home message is that if you want a child that is a) emotionally secure b) confident in himself/ herself and c) will become more independent sooner and with greater success... you will LOVE the baby when the baby is distressed. It is impossible to "spoil" a newborn. Atrocious to leave the poor dear in distress. Inexcusable.

Jenni - posted on 08/02/2010

I did ferbering with my son but there are LIMITS...
1. You never do it with an infant under 6 months
2. You make sure every little possible need is met.
3. You go in at 5 mins intervals to reassure them.
4. I personally never let my son cry for more than 20-30 mins before i picked him up.
With my daughter if i've met every possible need i let her have a good cry in my arms anddont put her down until she isn't crying because she is under 6 months. Only because she does suffer from collic and there is little you can do to stop the crying. but i never abandon her to deal with it alone!

Stifler's - posted on 08/02/2010

And yeah when he was 5 weeks old they told us about keeping him up for 20minutes after a feed and tipping the end of his bed up and stuff.

Stifler's - posted on 08/02/2010

My doctors gave me Gaviscon and I've tried everything else and he's been on thickened feeds forever. He has some other antacid medication now and he's a little better but the nurses reckon that he'll always just be irritable because of it until it goes away.

Erin - posted on 08/02/2010

Personally, I think any mother who says she hasn't needed to put down her screaming baby and walk away for a few minutes to regain her composure is lying. But that is not what this thread was about. This was talking about intentionally sleep-training a newborn and allowing them to cry indefinitely. Not cool :(

Charlie - posted on 08/02/2010

tell me about it Katherine , Harry has had me up since 4:30 this morning !

Katherine - posted on 08/02/2010

I hate to point fingers ya know? But then she put lol at the end of it and that just infuriated me.

Emma my girls both had reflux too. Didn't your doctors give you something for him? Tell you to keep him upright after feedings for 1/2 an hour? That is so painful for a baby! Trust me we've all been at our wits end with a crying baby.

Nikki - posted on 08/01/2010

I saw that post and it made me sooooo upset and mad. I am highly against CIO, never used it never will. To each their own, but that to me is just plain WRONG.... I have always felt my son cries for a reason and as his mom I feel I should be there to comfort him and soothe him to sleep. I want him to rely on me and know when he needs me no matter what ill be there. Before he turned a year his independance took over and no longer does he let me rock him to sleep or do anything, he wants to do everything on his own. The only time he comes to me is when he is teething and hell just lay in my arms. He's only a baby for a short period of time, I wanted to make the most out of it, because in the snap of my fingers he no longer needed his mommy and I miss that

Stifler's - posted on 08/01/2010

Logan had reflux. I put him down because he was at risk of me throwing him out the window. He seriously cried/whinged and fed ALL DAY AND NIGHT. That is, until I sleep trained him to fall asleep on his own by letting him cry it out and just going back to him after a minute and patting him until he was quiet then walking away then 2 minutes, then 3 and so on. I had so much more time in the day a week later and was so much more sane. No matter how much I walked around, patted or rocked him he wouldn't fall asleep but he'd cry and get over tired and it was like he was stimulated by our surroundings.

Shannen - posted on 07/28/2010

Loureen, If i only had that with my 1st boy, he had bad colic until 13ish weeks.
Never in those 13 weeks of pure hell and little to no sleep did i ever think about just letting him cry. Even now if any one of my children wakes up in the middle of the night i am awake and up to them.
I Have never used CIO and i never would. I do though believe in controlled crying Only once they are over 1yr.
Crying until they pass out is ABUSE and IMO that mother should be reported.

Charlie - posted on 07/27/2010

Its called Brauer colic relief .

Becky - posted on 07/27/2010

No way! I don't CIO either, but sometimes I do let my kids cry for a few minutes if I know they're okay, just mad about something, and I either can't respond immediately or don't want to reward their tantrum with a response. But I would never let them cry so long and hard that they passed out! I agree, I feel, especially with a newborn, that is abuse!

Erin - posted on 07/27/2010

Is it called Infants' Friend?

Charlie - posted on 07/27/2010

i found this homeopathic stuff for colic and used it last night its a bloody miracle !! :D

Katherine - posted on 07/27/2010

Aww poor Harry. Do you guys have Mylicon over there?

Erin - posted on 07/27/2010

Loureen we really were cut from the same Mummy-cloth lol. Totally agree!

Charlie - posted on 07/27/2010

Yep Harry is really gassy / colicky , he cried for a long time last night there was no other thought in my mind but to hold and comfort him until he felt ok no matter how long it took or how exhausted i was i couldnt let him cry out of discomfort or pain , i honestly believe that babies cry for a reason , its their only way of communicating their worries and pains .

Erin - posted on 07/27/2010

It's true that some babies just cry, regardless of how many different attempts you make to soothe them. But that doesn't mean they should be left alone to do it at such a young age. Plenty of research has shown that prolonged periods of unattended crying in infants is damaging to many aspects of their physical and emotional wellbeing.

My daughter had colic. She cried for hours on end until she was 10 weeks old. Sometimes she cried no matter what I did, but I still held her (or more specifically 'wore' her).

Stifler's - posted on 07/26/2010

How can you tell whether they passed out or not? I let Logan cry himself to sleep at 5 weeks because there was nothing else I could do with him.

April - posted on 07/22/2010

i don't believe in CIO at any stage of infancy or toddlerhood. tears are a messages that a child may be too young to verbalize. also...so many moms claim to know the different cries of their babies. while that may be true...there's always that one time that this cry meant something else. there's only so many noises/crying sounds that a young baby knows how to make. i am a confident parent, like many of you are...but i think there is danger in being overconfident too. Not everything is a given all the time.

C. - posted on 07/22/2010

*OUTRAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* While I am all for letting a 6m+ CIO for no longer than 5-10 minutes (unless they are showing signs of pain, discomfort, etc), letting your baby PASS OUT???? That is ridiculous!!! I cannot believe that someone would actually do that! I mean, in a way I can b/c there are some pretty screwed up people, but seriously.. What the hell is going through these people's heads????

Ashley=) - posted on 07/22/2010

On my first i let my daughter cry it out until i said no more,as a parent i could'nt bare to hear her cry,my baby was not by the book or what these experts talked about she was my little girl who wanted to be held and soothed to sleep and shes five now and i don't regret it one bit...my second slept in her own bed and all night from birth so that was nice..all babies are different and we have to be wise,letting them cry and cry and there not giving in is wrong.Whats the harm,there only babies for a short time,why push all this by the book parenting on them.Just enjoy being a mom&enjoy your baby there not robots and there not to be programmed.Fine if crying for very short time and the fall to sleep without being in to much distress.

Danielle - posted on 07/21/2010

Nope. I'm not a CIO parent either, never have been. I've let my child whine himself to sleep...but since my child is such a good baby I refuse to let him cry it out until he sleeps because when he cries he's communicating something to me. The two times I did let my son cry it out he cried so hard he vomited. Not my thing at all. My son is 15 months old. He didn't sleep through the night until he was 10 and a half months. Not once did I ever ignore his cries at night. And no one should ever let a newborn cry it out in my opinion. That's just cruel. Now I know there are times when you have to put down a screaming baby for a few minutes in order to save your sanity...but after a few minutes of calm down and breathe time you should go back to trying to comfort your child. That's just how I feel.

Jane - posted on 07/21/2010

Would never let my child CIO as an infant. Didn't have to worry about it much though, so I'm not a good example...my kids were sleeping through the night at 6 weeks for my daughter (she's now 20) and my son at 7 or 8 weeks (he's almost 17). We laugh in our family because sleeping is not an issue for me or my brothers and all of our kids ALL slept through the night at young ages and still sleep like rocks...and they range from 40 all the way down to 13 (7 kids). We say (and of course we're kidding) that the family has a form of sleeping sickness!

BUT, I agree Katherine....I think that's abuse. I don't know how a mother could listen to her child cry to that point!

Lea - posted on 07/21/2010

Only if my baby had diagnosed colic, I had checked every other possibility, and I was going to lose my patience. Newborns need a ton of attention and are always hungry. I just kept Ashton with me most of the day when he was a newborn because he fed so often. When he did start having uncontrollable crying it turned out to still be hunger and so we started rice cereal (not in a bottle) a little early and that took care of it.

Dominique - posted on 07/21/2010

Thanks for clarifying! I guess I didn't fully read what was being wrote thought it was for the original post! =)

Erin - posted on 07/21/2010

This is why I can never be comfortable with the wide-spread use of CIO. As an AP Mumma, I disagree with it, and have never used it. I can acknowledge that it may be a necessary last resort for older babies with significant sleeping problems, but will never understand why so many mothers persist in making their newborns and infants cry themselves to sleep.

I realise there is a very big difference between a baby having a sleepy little grizzle and actual 'crying', and I imagine those mothers who use CIO responsibly pay close attention to this difference. But many don't. I've seen posts by women BOASTING about letting their babies cry for hours and being 'strong' and not going to them. This fear of 'spoiling' a baby simply by meeting their needs has got to stop. The idea that a baby's physical needs are all that matters (ie, they are fed, dry, warm) astounds me. Again, I'm not talking about a baby crying while Mum rushes around trying to do something - we all have necessary tasks in our days that are non-negotiables. But sleep training with CIO for young babies is not only cruel, but dangerous.

I also agree with some of the PP's regarding the colloquial use of the term 'passing out' - it can often just mean falling asleep.

Katherine - posted on 07/21/2010

This is not the OP, this is from a poster who responded to the OP.

Katherine - posted on 07/21/2010

Post in question:

Yes, Both of mine have done it when i refused to hold them or pick them up when they were new borns. I believe in cuddles and holding but I am not going to spoil you to the point where you expect to be held every waking hour of the day. So some nights during the "learning" process they cried and cried and cried until they just passed out. I would sit there and watch them and be in tears but we both had to learn.

they are now 2 and 1 and I have never had a problem with them sleeping in their own beds. lol

Dominique - posted on 07/21/2010

Actually if you go back and read the comments she left she was freaked out. She called the babys doctor and everything. It isn't like she left the kid sitting there screaming. Re read what she wrote. It says that she was trying to feed him before bed and he started crying and thats when he passed out, she didn't just leave the kid sitting in a room by himself and letting him cry until he passed out. That was not at all what she wrote.

*Lisa* - posted on 07/21/2010

Yeah I doubt the kids actually passed out, but more like cried themselves to sleep from exhaustion. Yet another post that gives CIO a bad name. And newborns need cuddles!

Cathy - posted on 07/21/2010

Admittedly I have left my youngest crying as a newborn. He was fed and burped, he was clean, he was just tired. It was never for more than 10 minutes while I was with my other son. Had the tone of the cry changed from tired crying to distressed crying I would have been there in a shot. Normally within 10 minutes he was asleep. I would never have left him screaming, while obviously distressed. Leaving them till they exhaust themselves and pass out is SO different from allowing them to learn to self soothe for short periods.

Sarah - posted on 07/21/2010

Leaving a baby to cry until they pass out is not CIO!
Some people give the method such a bad name.

Johnny - posted on 07/20/2010

Yes Teresa, in fact, I need to go "pass out" now myself ;-P

Teresa - posted on 07/20/2010

I'm definitely not in favor of letting a newborn just cry and cry. :(

I do refer to my kids falling asleep as 'passing out' quite frequently though.

Johnny - posted on 07/20/2010

Well, I truly do not like CIO and have never done it and never would do it. But when I read the original poster's (from the other thread) post, I got the impression that she was using the term "pass out" to mean that the kid fell asleep. Not really to mean that they fainted or otherwise went unconscious from oxygen deprivation as a result of over-crying or hysteria. Her post sounds no different to me than those of most moms talking about using CIO.

K - posted on 07/20/2010

Everything else excluded, leaving a child to cry themselves to sleep is completely against basic survival instincts. Which to me, makes it a very unusual practice.

Shelley - posted on 07/20/2010

And other studies say that the cio is effective and safe in young children there is a study for everything. The issue here is not CIO and i have worked in overseas orphanages and also in childrens services and fail to see that safe cio is a problem any extremist behaviour is bad regardless of what it is.

K - posted on 07/20/2010

Cry it out should absolutely not be used on a child under six months of age (or any other age in my opinion). A newborn baby needs comfort and attention, it's insane to let a child that young cry. It's not spoiling a child to pick them up when they need to be picked up. A baby isn't a manipulator, they are innocent and only know what they need, and when they need it, which is usually ASAP. I have always tended to my son when he lets me know that he needs me. He isn't "spoiled" nor is he dependent. Actually, current research shows that babies who's cries are answered grow up to be more independent, because they feel safe in their environments.

Katherine - posted on 07/20/2010

And there are studies to prove it :)

Wanda - posted on 07/20/2010

Newborn or not, there's no way I'm letting my child cry until they pass out. I used my own version of CIO but I'm not letting any child cry that long.

That woman needs a good slap. My heart breaks for her kids.

Tara - posted on 07/20/2010

Using CIO on an infant prior to six months of age can lead to attachment disorders in the future. Crying on a daily basis for extended periods of time will flood a baby's brain with stress hormones making the neural functions incapable of learning at a regular rate. This can also lead to a reduction in the brain's ability to produce serotonin which is irreversible. This deficiency can have various side affects from delayed emotional intelligence, social anxiety disorders, depression, inability to form attachments and at the extreme end, pychotic behaviour and self-hatred.
I have worked in the foster sector and know the affects an attachment disorder can have on a child. I have seen toddlers who were left to CIO every day, every time their parents thought they were tired. They cried until they fell asleep from the time they were born. Left in a crib most of the time. This is so different from parents who use CIO properly. But allowing a newborn to cry for longer than a few minutes is dangerous. And you are playing with their future emotional health.
Tara

Shelley - posted on 07/20/2010

I know this is off track but i worked with a child that would have silent tantrums she would just hold her breath untill her face went blue and she passed out as in fell to the gound due to lack of oxygen. No amount of cuddles ect would stop her so we ignored her when she did it and she stopped.

Sharon - posted on 07/20/2010

It is not recommended to use CIO until the child is 6 months old. Newborns need to be aknowledged when they cry, they are crying for a reason. I don't know that I'd call it abuse but it certainly sounds cruel.

Shelley - posted on 07/20/2010

i use cio from birth but mine never really cried it was more i'd put them in their cot and they would sing make wingy noises ect for up to 20 minutes then go off to sleep but it was all very calm as they got older they would cry for a bit. In australia we often refer to pass out as go off to sleep could be a cultural difference. If the child was left to cry untill it passed out literally that does sound cruel most mums with cio know the difference in cry's and sleep disposition before they would go that extreme

Caitlin - posted on 07/20/2010

I used cry it out from 6 months. Before that, you can't spoil a newborn by holding them too much.. They need to feel safe and comfortable and learn to trust you. I went back every 5-10 minutes when she screamed and comforted her, put her back to bed, and eventually she got the drift, but she was 6 months old.. For a newborn? Cruel..

Sharon - posted on 07/20/2010

"passed out" implies a lack of oxygen, which I seriously doubt happened. More than likely the child got tired and fell asleep.

I never let my newborns cry that long. newborns cry for a reason.

Older children are different.

Hannah - posted on 07/20/2010

Are you sure she doesn't mean "passing out" as another term for falling asleep? In the original post on here it sounds like she saying she let him cry until they passed out (fell asleep). I know I've used that term for falling asleep. Just a thought.

Oh, and no, I would absolutely NEVER let my child cry until passing out-literally speaking!

Toni - posted on 07/20/2010

That is ridiculous why would anyone think it is appropriate to let a baby CIO so much they passed out? I began using CIO when my son was 3 months old - but I only ever let him cry for 5 mins (then when he was 4 months 10 mins) before going in and soothing him and placing him back in his cot. I also KNEW the difference in his cries so if he was distressed or in pain I soothed him but if he was just wingeing I left him (and if he cried and stopped I restarted the timer for 5 mins if he restarted).

Leaving your baby crying to the point of passing out is detrimental to the babies health and will produce the kind of instable adults people keep suggesting CIO causes because this is extreme behaviour.