Must everything be diagnosed?

Katherine - posted on 08/10/2011 ( 52 moms have responded )

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I have a confession to make, and I'm sure it's going to piss some of you right the hell off: I'm not sure I believe in colic.

Okay, OKAY, hold up, let me explain: what I mean is, I'm not sure I believe that every single baby that's described as having colic or reflux — or who's being actively treated with medications to improve their incessant crying/screaming/general horribleness — really is suffering from a medical ailment other than being a Tiny Baby Who Is Also Kind of an Asshole.

It's just ... I kind of think that parents these days feel like they need to diagnose everything. They want a reason for why things suck so much, and sometimes the real reason something sucks is that it's a sucky situation, full stop. Newborns are magical wonderful innocent souls who SUCK a WHOLE LOT, what with the crying and the inexplicable screaming and the spitting up and the not knowing how to sleep and the whole thing where they're tiny forming human blobs whose various parts don't quite work perfectly yet (hello, floppy esophageal sphincter and misfiring brain synapses).

Look, I'm not saying it's never GER. I'm just saying ... how is it that nearly every new mom I know has their baby on Zantac? Doesn't that seem a little ... odd? Everyone's so freaked out about their crying kid, and, hey, believe me, I get it. But man, new parents are under enough pressure without having the burden of figuring out how to Make Things Better with the right doctor or wedge-shaped pillow or special sling or whatever it is — wouldn't it be easier if doctors would just say, "Dude, this totally blows, but in a couple months, it'll be like you have a new kid"?

The further I get from my own baby-raising years, the more Andy-Rooney-ish I feel about certain baby-care topics. It seems like there's just so much pressure to make all the right choices and be so incredibly informed and do things Exactly the Right Way, like you're not even allowed to just sit back and wallow in your own ineptitude EVER. Like, you can't even feel like shit after your baby is born without wondering if you should be under the appropriate psychiatric care for postpartum depression. How is anyone NOT depressed after being physically ravaged during birth, the hormonal maelstrom afterwards, and being instantly thrown into the boot-camp-esque conditions of caring for a newborn? The only pill I could have taken to make that better would have been if a full-time nanny could be crammed in a gel cap.

I'm not saying we shouldn't figure out how to improve a bad situation where we can, but I think parents should also feel like it's okay to just sit back and say, god, this is the WORST. Then muscle through the day, because that's what we do. Being constantly told there's a way to make it all better — if only we advocate for our child hard enough, if only we listen to the right advice — well, things are hard enough in those early months. Wouldn't it be more of a relief to know we're already doing the best that we can?

Do you think there's too much pressure on parents to "fix" common baby-care challenges these days?

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How does this article make you feel? I don't know calling a baby an asshole is pretty harsh. I do think there is a diagnosis for everything these days. But some ARE valid. Not sure where this blogger is coming from....

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Jurnee - posted on 08/10/2011

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the older I get the less i trust the "experts", my oldest is 26, apparently everything I was told to do with her by the "experts" was wrong by the time I had my 18 yr old. By the time I had my 9 yr old, the "expert" opinions differed so much I was quite surprised my first 3 survived infancy,lol. I think there is way too much pressure put on new moms now to do everything "right", to treat every difference as an abnormality. Yes some kids have gerd, or add or various things, but its important to just relax and enjoy your kids, you know the best when something is wrong, or if its just fussiness whatever. New moms should be encouraged to trust their instncts and doctors should respond to those, not put them off.

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Bar the 'asshole-remark' I kind of like the article. Our daughter was extremely fussy for the first six months of her life and only ever so slowly started outgrowing it from then on. Reflux meds, cranio-sacral therapy, osteopath, change of my diet, blablabla. Some people think colic occurs in babies who are very sensitive, that it occurs mainly in the evening because by then they are simply overstimulated and that their bellys get sore because of all the crying. Well, my gut-instinct was that my daughter was very sensitive and needed a lot of help and time to get used to being outside the womb. That's it. Could have saved myself a lot of time and drama if I'd just listened to it.

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Emma, try switching her to a non dairy formula. Dairy could be the cause, most people are lactose intolerant.

Caitlin - posted on 08/11/2011

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I think parents somehow feel relieved when their kids "problem" is labled and the kid is on mediccation, because then it's not their fault or shitty parenting, it's "an actual issue". I believe that these issues exists, but my second had reflux.. It was pretty silent reflux in fact, I was kind of lucky, except that she would vomit in her sleep and wouldn't turn her head, so she'd stop breathing.. It happened a few times, hearing the "gurgle" in the playpen with the basinet set up beside my bed, bu the only thing I could really do was make sure she slept upright, which was hard. It went away after a while, I never pushed for meds, though I was told some might work, my pediatrician has her head screwed on right, and doesn't pop out the prescription pad for nothing.

If I was born these days, I would have been labeled everything in the book to be honest, I most likely would have been adhd and on meds, but that's not the issue. I have a short attention span cause I needed hearing aids, but my mom insisted my hearing was fine and never bothered.. Oh, and apparently she thought I was faking when I started squinting in high school and said I was having issues reading the board. I needed glasses, I just wish I had known that sooner, because it slowed down my schooling and my marks suffered. When I was 18, I got a lot of things tested and found out the truth, and finally know why I had these issues.. So I guess all that means there is an opposite end of the spectrum as well, parents that no matter how much evidence is put in front of them insist that their kid is fine and normal.. *sigh*..

I worked at a camp for kids with special needs (physical/mental) and I feel for the most part, I can tell which kids actually had adhd/add and which kids whos parents just wanted them more compliant and low energy (we had access to their medical info, so we knew who was labeled as adhd/add for safety reasons).

Jane - posted on 08/10/2011

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I am very glad I pressed for a diagnosis for my daughter. She had "colic" so severe that some days she cried for up to 8 1/2 hours. We went from doctor to doctor, being brushed off, told we were bad parents, and worse, until finally after 2 1/2 years a Navy doctor ran a blood test. He discovered that she had an incomplete immune system and from then on we knew how to cope with her health problems and how to keep her as healthy and pain-free as possible. She is now a delightful college student who is kind, generous, funny, smart and popular.

OTOH our son never had colic, only rarely even spit up, so we never had to diagnose him with anything until he was three and so angry he would shake. He started peeing on his teacher, stomping on his classmates' work, escaping from the building and running and running and running, smearing feces everywhere he could reach, breaking all sorts of things, setting fires, and eventually attempting to kill himself at age 7. Getting him a diagnosis saved his life and possibly the lives of the rest of the family. He is now in high school and struggling but doing a little better every day.

The thing is, we have learned a lot more about how the body and mind work and so we CAN now fix things that in the past you just had to live with.

That said, there is no such thing as a Tiny Baby Who Is Also Kind of an Asshole. Babies aren't assholes because they don't do any of it on purpose. We are assholes if we don't try to figure out what is making our baby unhappy because that is how babies learn that parents and other people in general are useful and kindly so they want to learn to communicate with them. You let the baby scream, the baby learns that no one is going to come help and thus you get someone who doesn't care about other people.

Now I do think that folks seem to need way too much stuff to take care of their babies today. Yes, a car seat is required by law, but babies can be bathed in the sink, allowed tummy time on a blanket on the floor, and can even sleep in a dresser drawer instead of a fancy bassinet. They don't need dedicated changing tables, expensive baby bath tubs, special chairs, toddler beds shaped like race cars, and so many other things.

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Dee - posted on 08/20/2011

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Just love your child unconditionally, look at them and say you are worth every minute of everyday. My children are and I do my best I do not care for what the peds say or baby books. I need help with something I turn to the grandmothers. They raised us I trust their judgement. There is already alot of pressure on new mothers but those motherly instincts kick in full drive as soon as they are born so you know the answer some are just not willing to trust their own judgement.

Amie - posted on 08/14/2011

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You know... I often wonder, when I read blog posts such as the one in the OP, where the hell these people live?

Everyone seems to focus on the negative. They exaggerate to the extreme. It drives me freaking bonkers.

Ya, the calling a baby an asshole - sure, an infant who has not as of yet formed their own personality is an asshole. Nice. There may be a diagnosis for everything but that generally comes with added knowledge. As a society we learn more every generation. The thing is, there is no real "cure" for colic, we just know it exists.

None of my children had colic. I have 2 friends who have dealt with colic. Colic is absolutely horrendous. My one friend almost lost her mind, I'm not kidding. Her husband was there and they did switch off but there's only so much a person can handle - even with another adult in the house helping. Her son would scream and scream and scream. Once he was asleep, she'd just sleep sitting with him. If she tried to move him off her or her husband, he'd wake up and the cycle of screaming would continue again. It was rare he wasn't screaming his head off his first few months. By the end of those few months, she had started to give him low doses of something the doctor gave her to get him to sleep on nights when they just couldn't handle it anymore. I also know people who gave her so much flack for it. I was so freaking livid when I heard her own sister tore into her about being a lazy mother. Her sister had no clue. My other friend did the same thing with her daughter (minus the drugs for sleep bit after a few months - she's also not quite as delicate as my other friend and minus a husband - dad had split), it was the only way they could maintain their sanity. I don't live close enough to either to give them a hand and the help they did have, well the attitudes were much like the one's in the OP. "It's not that bad, suck it up." A little empathy and understanding (or at least trying to understand) can go a long way.

Do doctors over diagnose and try to stick people in boxes? Maybe but again, I don't live somewhere where I see this happening a lot - if at all. I don't know why, maybe it's because the parents push harder for it not to happen for flippant reasons.

I also have issues with pigeon holing parents as a whole and the "there is only one right way" parenting diatribe I hear so often -- from other people saying that even more other people are saying it. I want to meet these other people!! With the exception of here on DM (which is where it should be happening, we're debating our own ideas and opinions - of course we stand on a "side" and honestly, it's not even really happening here - if you're here to debate, then be ready to debate) I have never seen people go around, in society as a whole, and put pressure on new parents. I see the odd case here and there and it's always from an extremist. It's never from a every day person, parent or not, who are the majority. We have our own ideas but we also have enough sense to not be a jackass about it. As parents, we are our own worse enemy and put pressure on ourselves. I'm not even sure I've heard the people I know blame others for it though.

Merry - posted on 08/14/2011

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What an awful dr! Pumping is NO way to determine how much milk we make. Some women can't even get anything out by s pump but they have plenty of milk! Some like me can pump 6 oz per boob but others can't pump more then 1oz both boobs!
Our bodies put out way more milk when the baby sucks then when a pump does.
Stupid dr for suggesting formula simply based on pumping output. What a shame.
That really pisses me off to hear dr recommendations like that. I'm sorry :(

Becky - posted on 08/14/2011

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Wow, after reading all this, I feel fortunate! when my daughter started getting crabby all they time as an infant & I was BFing, my doc said "First things first, let's get a good idea for how much she's really eating." Had me pump, measure & track everything that went in - I wasn't keeping up with her. A few weeks after starting formula, she starting regular fussing all the time again. The Doc then suggested switching to a soy based formula before trying any unneeded tests. It worked well, she just had a sensitive tummy. Our Doc was willing to start with simple changes to fix common issues before ordering a slew of tests that we didn't need or offering medications that really wouldn't have made a difference.

The Doc. did say she was "colicky" but that was a symptom not a diagnosis.

Merry - posted on 08/13/2011

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Aww you are such a good mommy Daniela. I know what you mean, that's exactly what we had to do with Fierna, standing and bouncing. It hurt so much after giving birth and it made me bleed more when I had to stand and bounce her. I actually fell asleep a few times standing up. She's so much better these days.

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Laura, as I said I'm not dismissing any kind of diagnosis, it's just that some infants simply have nothing wrong with them bar struggling with all those new sensations and stimuli they are all of a sudden confronted with. I know a good few people who had a screaming baby at there hands that could not be comforted and where nothing physical could be detected and after a few months all of a sudden it was over. I guess we were lucky in that we were able to somewhat comfort Nina - hold upright and strongly bounce up and down moving from the right to the left and back. And never sit down for longer then two minutes or so. All day. Every day. Shot knees and bad back and then you are not even allowed to call it colic because she didn't scream her head off. Oh the joys. Why on earth do I feel broody right now?!

Merry - posted on 08/13/2011

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I got them the other way around. Eric was the 'perfect' baby and Fierna is challenging to say the least!

Stifler's - posted on 08/13/2011

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Logan was unsettled and refluxy but I expected perfection. A baby who woke up, fed, played and then went for a nap then fed and never cried. Renae is like that but Logan sometimes just wanted to be held or wanted to go be rocked in my arms instead of just play on the floor or sit in the swing chair quietly. Me letting him cry it out made his reflux even worse and he would spew. I was the most ignorant dickhead when I had him but my husband assures me he was a difficult child. He makes Renae look like the perfect baby even if she spews constantly.

Merry - posted on 08/13/2011

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If Fierna was comforted by being held I wouldn't have even thought to give medication. It was the fact that she was crying the pain cry even when I was giving her my full attention. :(

Stifler's - posted on 08/13/2011

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I feel like Logan was a lot like that too and I didn't have the patience and wanted a diagnosis. He just wanted to be held.

[deleted account]

BTW that's not to dismiss any diagnosis that's made, just pointing out that we do tend to be a little obsessed with finding a label for everything, even when there's no need for one.

Aleks - posted on 08/12/2011

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That is another thing... zantac can't fix if the problem with the baby is out of alignment muscles and joints (or even what happened with Jane Seno's baby and the immune system) because of the birthing process which needs a gentle manipulation from the chiropractor or osteopath.

My point is that COLIC is a SYMPTOM not a CONDITION.

Yes, baby screaming every night like clockwork with no end in sight (until they exhaust themselves and fall asleep) is something that yes is very real, and so is the parents' anger and helplessness at the situation. However, what I find unsettling is the way "colic" is handled. Mostly one gets told that its "normal" part of infancy and just to ride it out and wait until "it passes". THAT is not normal, imo. And this is exactly what most paretns are told by their doctors, child and baby nurses, experts online, newspapers, magazines on tv, etc.

Also, gasiness is not a cause (though at times this may be the case for most babies, but it should not be making them scream in pain every day/night, etc) but a SYMPTOM, just like for an adult - frequent painful gasiness is a symptom of a greater medical problem, not an end in itself, wouldn't most of you agree? And wouldn't most of you seak some kind of medical assisstance if you were struck with painful gas everyday (or most days)? Then why not with a baby?

Yeah, sometimes it passes (for whatever reason) or not, and the baby just gives up screaming (it frequently happens with colicky babies, they just stop screaming.... mostly because after a while they may just realise that screaming won't help them). Not to say that is what happens all of the time, but I know it does happen more often than it should.



And to all parents I go and say, keep searching for that cause that makes your baby unhappy and cry more than it should. You know when your baby isn't right. Don't give up, keep pestering your GP, the more you pester the more likely they will do something about it, because that will tell them that the "usual" explanation for the symptoms is not the right "diagnosis" and that then tells them to keep on searching. This is what happened with my 1st born son who was presenting with specks of blood in his poo (at around 2mths of age). I went to the doctor shortly before he was 3 mths, which the doctor just dismissed, and said that if it doesn't clear up in a mth to come back, which I did. He obliged and gave me a referral to see a pediatrician. Which I had to wait for 2mths to see. She told me the same thing - wait a mth or 2 and come back if things don't clear up. Which I did. Finally she suggested going on an elimination diet (I did not mention his colic because I believed that it was a normal baby thing to cry and scream in the evenings/night time, by this stage we also found help in the dummy, because that was a "NORMAL" thing for babies to do, right?). The first thing to eliminate was diary (I was breastfeeding so I eliminated the dairy from my diet). Less than a week later - OMG! What an improvement!!! WOW, I could not believe it. The change in my baby not to mention the blood was gone from his poo. By this stage my boy was on solids and close to 8mths old (so all in all it took more than 5mths to get a diagnosis). The first thing most doctors did was to pretty much fobb me off. Similar thing happened with my daughter, thank God I knew the symptoms of what blood in poo meant and started to eliminate dairy straight away and also booked myself in with a pediatrician to manage this and keep a closer eye on her growth. And after 12mths (and 1 extra diagnosis of food intollerance, and 1 still undiagnosed) she still did not believe that the blood in her poo was related to dairy intollerance (she was convinced that it came from my nipples!!! I think I would know if my nipples were bleeding during feeds... it would kinda hurt... a lot!). But if I did not persist, both my kids' stomachs and bowels would have suffered horrendous damage and so would my and my partner's sanity! My son's bowels probably did suffer a bit of damage anyway as it took so long to diagnose his dairy problem and so probably my daughters cause it took so long to diagnose her soy intollerance problem (on top of the dairy one) - over 12mths and a "failure to thrive" at around her 12mth mark.



*Edited to Add: My daughter suffered not only "colic", but also reflux (dairy intollerance), silent reflux (soy intollerance), bowel pain (both dairy and soy reflux, plus yeast sensitivity) and blood in poo (dairy intollerance). None of which were "officially diagnosed", though the reflux was however, she was not GERD. And none were treated with medication! Diet changes only and worked like a treat. Though I know not all reflux problems CAN be solved with diet, though I believe that MOST could.

Jane - posted on 08/12/2011

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@Jennifer - That was my daughter, too. I had to put her in her crib and go out to the garage and kick the daylights out of the dryer. She turned out to have an incomplete immune system.

Valerie - posted on 08/12/2011

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Don't get me wrong- I don't think getting a "real" problem diagnosed isn't important- because it is VERY important, from Colic to heart disease!!! I just agree that there are too many parents and doctors OVER diagnosing every little thing that is more or less in the range of "normal" is done way too often!! - :)

Jennifer - posted on 08/12/2011

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Colic is over-diagnosed. If you have not felt like bouncing your baby off the sidewalk or drop kicking them into the next century almost daily for at least a month, it's not colic. Colic is gut wrenching, blood curdling screaming that NOTHING will stop. It happens EVERY night like clock work and no amount of gassy drops is going to fix it. The ONLY way to deal with real colic is to put the baby in a safe place and walk away! (Praying for sanity helps as well) Mine had it for 6 months and it's the reason I got a tubal ligation.

A diagnosis is important even though they can't fix it because at least then you know that others have experienced it. You can research and learn that it's not your fault. You may be just as helpless but you don't feel alone. Also, trying all these things that "might" help them gives you something to do so that you don't feel so totally inept and helpless. No diagnosis means that you just sit there and say... "Yep, this sucks and I can't bond with my baby because I can't even hold her without her pushing me away and screaming and I must be the worst parent ever." I think having a diagnosis at least makes you feel less crazy. Seriously though, if the zantac works.... then it's not colic. Mylecon was what they gave us when I had mine and that didn't' do anything for my daughters colic.

Merry - posted on 08/12/2011

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Well since I'm on ppd meds and my baby is on reflux meds I can't say I agree with this article. I believe babies cry for a reason, my baby cried because she was hurting. We could see and hear her reflux. If I miss a dose of her meds I know very quickly because she gets worse.

My first baby I did everything the same, he never spat up, rarelly cried, and I wasn't depressed much. With Fierna she was crying so much. I felt like a total failure because I couldn't keep my baby happy. My anger kept spiking up. And I just was checked out and not enjoying life.

She needed meds and so did I.

I can literally feel the depression come back if I miss a day of my meds. I hate it. I've always avoided medication. I don't even take Tylenol! But we are doing amazing now that her reflux is managed and my depression is too.

Over diagnosed?

I can not and will not speculate. I wouldn't like people judging me saying I didn't parent good enough so I won't say anyone else is unjustified in giving their baby medication.

Still, I do wish drs were more careful about diagnosing things properly before giving out medicine. I got a prescription for her reflux without the dr examining her at all! Just asked me her symptoms and said yup sounds like reflux!

Ugh at least I did my homework before I even made the appointment.

Aleks - posted on 08/12/2011

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Hey Caitlin,
Yeah, I totally agree!!! It seems zantac is the first board of call for most when a baby is presented with reflux. I too breastfed my babies and I too cut out dairy from my diet, so I totally understand the effort it takes. Though both my babies had a lot more serious and longer dairy protein intollerance than your baby. 1st outgrew it after the 12mth of age. 2nd still cannot tolerate a lot of dairy in her diet (though doing a lot better if she has yoghurt, which strangely is dairy and she LOVES the stuff more than any other lolly or sweet...lol) she is 2and a half now.
I had mild reflux during pregnancy and what I found for me that helped settle my syptoms was a cup of peppermint tea. So that is another thing I would be happier to use on my baby than going straight for chemical medications (which actually is based on the properties of peppermint!)

Oh yeah, and also I was a GERD baby, though in those days there was no such term or "diagnosis". It didnt matter anyway as my parents just had to deal with it just like a lot of parents have to deal with it now irrespective of the actual "diagnosis" or label given.

Caitlin - posted on 08/12/2011

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Aleksandra.. you reminded me that with my second, I cut out dairy (mostly because we worried about an allergy causing her discompfort due to the family history) and the "colic" essentially went away. She was breastfed so that meant I had to stop eating dairy, and though it was hard it worked like a charm. I started eating dairy again about 2 months later and things went much better, I guess her stomach was able to break down the proteins at that point, which REALLY made a huge difference in the crying and fussy baby (and the choking on her vomit while sleeping thing)., Giving babies zantac to me as a first solution seems like such a cop out honestly, and it can't be great for their tummies (I know after I finsihed each pregnancy with horrible reflux and I was taking LOTS of antiacid meds the reflux stopped and I was a lot more comfortalbe, but had to "retrain" my tummy because it was so used to the acid neutralizers that it overproduced acid for a while...)

Aleks - posted on 08/11/2011

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Emma,
Lactose intollerance in babies is EXTREMELY rare!
As breastmilk has like 3-5times the lacotse of dairy milk. So the babies' stomachs are actually designed to be able to tolerate a lot of lactose. What most people get confused with or just don't understand is that what the problem is when a lot of refluxy babies (though not all) is that many cannot handle the proteins found in ALL dairy (including formulas, milk, cheese, yoghurts, etc). These proteins (like casein and others) are extremely difficult to process by the human stomach (even more so in babies as their stomachs are designed to handle just one thing and one thing only).
The reason I know this is because both my babies were milk protein intollerant - one was refluxy, and both were collicy. Once the dairy was eliminated then their symptoms stopped.
Also, if the goat's milk formula don't help there is always the soy formula (which isn't perfect, but can help improve symptoms, thought many infants with dairy protein intollerance also intollerant to soy as well) or the highly hydrolized formula as well (this one I think you have to get at the pharmacy and is a lot more expensive, but if your gp confirms protein intollerance s/he can then give you special prescription which should make this formula a lot more cheaper - yes this is the case here in aust). This super hydrolized formula has the proteins super broken down so it is closer to what breastmilk proteins are like and easier to digest by the baby's sensitive stomach.
Good luck.

Oh and btw I also DONT BELIEVE IN COLIC. I think its just a lazy explanation for when a baby is crying a lot and we don't know why. Its bogus and lazy. I think babies cry for a reason. A lot of babies I believe may have some serious medical issues and are just easily fobbed off my by everybody and especially the medical professionals so they don't have to attend to every mother who comes in and says her baby crys a lot. Its too hard to find out why (well..... its a baby, it doesn't talk and can't point to what is wrong...so naturally too hard).
There are societies here on earth that don't have colic. It doesn't exist, and if a baby cries persistently then an explanation is sought and not just a general dismissive "colic".
But anyway, that is just my opinion and a small vent - sorry.

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Most people who are lactose intolerant can drink goats milk.Goats milk is really close to breast milk. That may make a difference. Its easier to digest than milk or alternatives.

Stifler's - posted on 08/11/2011

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I had her on lactose free and she was the same. Do you reckon goat's milk would make a difference? Thats what everyone keeps saying to try but i assume it has lactose in it anyway?

Stifler's - posted on 08/11/2011

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I tried her on thickened milk and she would not touch it! Logan despised it too. Gaviscon in some of her bottles works to settle her down and like gripe water and that. It's still frustrating having to buy all that crap and not knowing if it's working.

Carolee - posted on 08/11/2011

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We tried Zantac, and she did better, but we're getting to the point where she's fine without it.

Carolee - posted on 08/11/2011

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Emma, that sounds like what Lynn was doing. We just have to thicken her milk and started her on stage 2 foods. I'm slowly getting to thin out her milk!

Stifler's - posted on 08/11/2011

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I feel relieved when the doctor is like "that sounds like reflux" because everyone is like "Renae is fine" when she's fighting the bottle and spewing constantly.

Caitlin - posted on 08/11/2011

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Lol, and I get the eye roll when I say my kid has allergies sometimes too. As if i'm one of those moms who is making it up cause I dont want my kids to eat whatever foods.. Especailly when I say to dairy and I get the "oh, your kid has locatose intolerance too, mine did when she was little, but she grew out of it.." Makes me fear for her future, cause in reality, if she has anything with even a trace of dairy, she swells up and passes out, which brings her very close to the stops breathing part (which thankfully we have avoided) but having to walk around with 2 epi pens at all times for several allergies means NO.. i'm not making it up, lol..

Jane - posted on 08/11/2011

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""this kid is going to have problems because he isn't allowed to be a kid""

In our house I tell my kids that if they don't end up with scars on their knees from scraping them, they aren't having enough fun! I laughed to myself when I saw that my 19 yo college sophomore came home from her summer job as a camp counselor with scraped knees.

Valerie - posted on 08/11/2011

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I completely agree- too many labels- too many parents needing a diagnosis instead of just dealing with things.. with my oldest who is 21, and my twins almost 16, I have one child (one fo the twins) with serious health problems- she had heart surgery at 9 days old, she has a rare blood disorder, and believe me, she showed true signs of being truly "sick"- and she was treated appropriately.. they both are high end ADD/ADHD- but I did go through MANY MANY routes before ever trying a med as I was highly against meds- I did find out the hard way that there are some tried and true cases of ADHD and if that is the case, you will know it after they have started school and the school pulls you aside and says "can we do some testing? Can you ask your doctor to maybe start testing for this?"- I read about 2 and 3 year olds being put on adderall- it's HORRIBLE!! I don't care how ADHD/ADD a child is/has, at 2 or 3, they don't need meds like those! They are going to be messed up for the rest of their lives from that crap! Their brains need to grow, ADHD or no ADHD and so does their bodies, these meds weren't designed for toddlers!!! My sister had her kids later than I did- she wouldn't let her son eat ketchup and told him to be afraid of dirt and germs- he is OCD and some other diagnoses now- and when I was watching her tell him to be afraid of everything I stated "this kid is going to have problems because he isn't allowed to be a kid"- for god's sake let them get dirty once in a while, let them dip things in ketchup! They are KIDS!! They are going to have dirty hands once in a while, some yogurt or ketchup on their face and it's OK!! These books, as I read before, change over the years to this is OK, that is OK, now those things are NOT to be done and could damage your child, you have to do things THIS way now... look at our grandparents.. they obviously made it to child rearing ages, if not much longer (I still have a full set alive in their 90's, and my other set died at 94 and 91!!)- they drank water fromthe faucet, not a bottle, hell- even from the hose or well or straight from the running creek or river! They cooked with pans that now aren't "safe"- they lived in houses with lead paint- they did everything we are told to be afraid of... it really irks me too often!!!!

Jane - posted on 08/10/2011

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@Laura - Some parents unfortunately are full-fledged members of the Me-me-me Generation, where they want everything to be all about themselves and won't tolerate having to solve problems on their own. With that said, at least they aren't giving the kids booze to make them sleep, or cocaine because its fun to watch them freak out. I have been peripherally involved in foster care and have learned that far too many folks opt for that means of "curing" their children.

Colic does exist, but as a symptom, not a diagnosis in and of itself. If burping the baby and mylacon drops don't help then you do need to look further. Of course, it could be that you are putting the kid to bed with a bottle so they are gulping air, or your child could be lactose-intolerant, or even, as in my daughter's case, your child could have an Immunoglobulin Deficiency Syndrome affecting more than one of the Ig factors normally produced in the body.

Jurnee - posted on 08/10/2011

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Jane its great that you were able to advocate for your children and get the doctors to listen to you. In your case your children did have medical problems. What irks me is I know people who go to the doctor, complain that there baby is fussy, no testing is done, they are just told it's probably reflux, take this med. Ive also known kids put on ADD meds by a pediatrician, after the parents asked for it once. No other treatment, behavior modification, parenting techniques were offered. These kids were very young, 4-5, and yes rambunctious, head strong, energetic, but did they all have ADD? I think that society as a whole has started to treat any variant in what they seem as acceptable as something "wrong" that needs to be treated, and medicated, and somehow fixed.

Stifler's - posted on 08/10/2011

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She spews a hell of a lot more than he did. He just was unsettled constantly and spewed a bit but she is happy but always has spew dripping off her face.

Katherine - posted on 08/10/2011

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I wonder why that is Emma? Both of mine did too. Same thing, one screamed the other just spewed.

Stifler's - posted on 08/10/2011

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LOL. My son had GERD. Nothing I did helped anyway so what was the point of diagnosing it. My new baby spews a lot but she doesn't scream and cry the way he did. Almost everyone Iknow has a reflux baby or a baby with *colic*. It's so common that it's become a normal.

Jenn - posted on 08/10/2011

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Well, Andy Rooney IS an asshole still so I guess we can't blame colic there...

My oldest nursed and spewed. Projectile. Then screamed like a banshee. I actually used Colic Calm with her and it helped though diapers were nasty. But really, what diaper isn't?? GERD tends to lead to colicky babies. Some babies are criers. Motherhood, especially for new mothers is really frustrating, nerve wracking and exhausting.

Another thing...I have noticed that the further away a parent, especially mothers, get from when their children were young, the less they remember what it is to go through those years. So I guit listening to their judgement and criticism.

Sara - posted on 08/10/2011

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My DD had colic. Personally, I think they should replace water boarding with a colicky infant and they'd get all the info they needed after just a few hours.

It was a real problem for us, and I had always read there was nothing you could do about it, just let the baby outgrow it. Well, Rowan cried for about 9 hours straight every, single day. When we took her for her 2 month check up, we mentioned this to the doc and he gave us some medication to help relax her digestive system. Bascially, since her system was immature, she was having hella intestinal cramps that were causing her colic. After the drops, she was like a new damn baby. So yeah, in my case, it needed to be diagnosed and treated for everyone's sanity. The lady who wrote this article obviously has not had this problem.

Erin - posted on 08/10/2011

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Not sure I want to even consider someone's opinion who calls an unsettled newborn an asshole :-/

Tara - posted on 08/10/2011

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I do agree with the over diagnosis of some things, kids that can't sit still are being labeled adhd, kids who are defiant and stubborn are being labeled odd. And babies are on zantac and other drugs at very young ages to assist with colic and uncontrollable crying stemming from possible GERD. I think messing with a baby's small and large intestines with the introduction of acid suppressing drugs seems a little risky to me. I can see in cases where the infant is losing weight and is not thriving due to the amount of vomit or a lack of adequate feeding due to said potential problems.
A crying infant who does nurse or feed well,, is gaining weight and is not in a constant state of pain should not be receiving medication for a potential problem, thereby potentially creating more problems.

Jurnee - posted on 08/10/2011

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I'm a bit on the fence. Its seems a lot more kids are being diagnosed, not just with gerd, but ADD, ADHD, there is also many more allergies and asthmas in kids than I ever remember as a kids. Is it the environment, the food additiives? I do think some of it is society wanting a quick fix and needing a definitve answer to everything. One thing that i hve noticed is so many kids Im in contact with have some kind of asthma, or breathing problem. None of their parents smoke, yet when I was a kid, our parents smoked in the house , not kowing anybetter, and it was rare for kids to have asthma. So it could be envirionmental also. As far as colic, some babies do have reflux, but there are some that just like a little more attention. They're little people, with their own personalities and needs.

Kate CP - posted on 08/10/2011

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"...Tiny Baby Who Is Also Kind of an Asshole..."

Wow. The author has serious issues. Not ALL babies who are cranky and cry a lot have colic or reflux. Some are just REALLY sensitive to stimuli and don't like being touched or cuddled. That doesn't make them a "little asshole". It makes them their own person with their own needs. This article pisses me off. >:(

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 08/10/2011

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Im mixed about this as well…
I have never had a problem thus far with my son’s being diagnosed with something, but many babies are being diagnosed with sooo many things these days. It makes me wonder are these problems associated with the 100+ chemicals in the air and in the food that were not around a 10+ years ago.(and some babies/kids are affected whiles others are not)
Maybe they are being effected thru the unsuspecting mother and therefore it contributes to them being born with these problems…????

Carolee - posted on 08/10/2011

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It is true that motherhood has a lot of moments that suck ass. I agree that everybody doesn't need to be diagnosed with SOMETHING. On the other hand, I'm sick of people second-guessing me because my daughter has reflux and then aspirates on it. We had a swallow study done, and you could plainly see what was happening. And we didn't get the study done because she was "cranky"... she was just the opposite, but she kept refusing food and gagging.

It's unfortunate that society is to the point where you will get the "eye roll" if your kid has a commonly diagnosed issue. A lot of people just assume that you just don't know what you're doing as a parent... as if they think that if THEY were the ones raising your child, tha issue wouldn't have ever come up.

I think that doctors' probable over-diagnosing is causing a lot of "yeah, right" attitudes towards those with really concening, true issues. I'm sort of mixed about the article.

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