Nasty comments and looks from strangers....apparently, im not a good mom!?!

Hannah - posted on 11/11/2010 ( 58 moms have responded )

175

42

7

So the other day I was out shopping with my friend and as we were leaving a store, she overheard some other parents comment on how my son wasnt "dressed" warm enough for our weather...He was appropriatly dressed for the weather considering that we were going from car to store, car to store....

Personally, I think its kinda retarted....Do these people pay for my son's upbringing....What do you think gives other parents the right to judge other parents?

Do you respond to people who judge you and the parenting decisions that you make? Or do you just ignore them and walk away?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

Maybe if people WERE judging you Sherri you might feel the need for colourful language. Please refer to this communities language rules if you are offended.

April - posted on 11/13/2010

3,420

16

263

i think it is always okay to say something if you word it correctly. for example, "excuse me ma'am...if you don't mind me asking..but do you think your son might be hot under all of that? "

incorrectly worded: "what's wrong with you?! don't you know babies can die from being overheated? I swear some people shouldn't be parents!!!"

~Jennifer - posted on 11/12/2010

4,164

61

365

Wow.....what fitting replies on the "nasty comments from strangers" thread......

So now we get to police each others choice of words?
Christ, get a hobby.

Erin - posted on 11/12/2010

6,569

25

232

** Mod Warning**

Ok ladies I have just deleted the comment swearing AT another member, and it's response. Some don't like swearing. Some don't care. We get it. Now let's move on.

Erin - DM Mod

Dana - posted on 11/12/2010

11,264

35

489

Sherri, that's just like...your opinion, man.

Seriously though, I don't care if someone swears, the only thing that sounds ignorant to me is you, Sherri, trying to berate people.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

58 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

Smile and keep walking..thats life some people are rude and dont have the manners to politely confront you.:-)

Desiree - posted on 11/13/2010

910

17

12

Just ignore them, they don't know what the circumstance are or the reason behind it. Your child wasn't dying or freezing or in anyway uncomfortable so who cares what they think.

Tracey - posted on 11/13/2010

1,094

2

58

The only time I have ever interfered with another Mum is when I saw a young woman with a baby in a buggy who was having contractions, and even then I asked if she wanted help before I did anything.



Try asking these people if they are a pedeatric consultant or a mind reader because if they are neither then they can't possibly know what your child's needs are so by default they must be an interfering old bag.

Jakki - posted on 11/13/2010

731

11

26

I once saw a tiny baby on a train. It was a hot day. He was completely swaddled in blankets and only his face was peeking out. It made me feel terrible to see him, and I was tempted to say something to the parents. I didn't... but I wondered... when is it right to say something??

April - posted on 11/12/2010

3,420

16

263

Sherri, does judging on COM count as judging in your head? if not...then you've judged plenty of times "out loud". remember the breastfeeding thread?

[deleted account]

I was once out with my friend, we both had our babies with us and her daughter was wearing clothes appropriate for the weather and some woman made a comment about it. We just ignored it. We know what's best for our children thanks =]

Hannah - posted on 11/12/2010

175

42

7

*doesnt like where this swearing thing is going....let move back on topic ;)

[deleted account]

Tracey that's aweful :( One pet peeve of mine that i know is none of my business is kids drinking coke. My husbands sister's kids live on the stuff but they swear it's not the reason for their sons rotten teeth. *facepalm*

Stifler's - posted on 11/12/2010

15,141

154

597

omg tracey i can't believe someone said that to you. i would be typing that from jail if i was you.

Sherri - posted on 11/12/2010

9,593

15

387

Do what ever you like Dana but I say engage your brain and actually use it to come up with other words because it comes across offensive, ignorant and completely unnecessary.

Leah - posted on 11/12/2010

286

20

6

Totally Hannah, I hear you about Canadian temp's this time of year. When I dropped the kids off a daycare this morning it was -1C and now its sitting at a balmy 9C. The other day it was 14C (!) and didn't bring my sons winter jacket to daycare (he was wearing a long sleeve shirt and sweater, plenty if you ask me!) and I got the 'look' from the daycare staff when I told them I didn't bring his coat. I guess it was b/c they hadn't been outside since early in the morning and was cooler then but still...please trust my judgment as a parent who loves my kids more than anything. I would never put then in ANY sort of harms way.

And about the language...yes it is a bit much. ;D

[deleted account]

People need to mind their own business. Depending on my mood I may or may not walk away and ignore someone's comment.

Hannah - posted on 11/12/2010

175

42

7

A bit off topic Sherri, but yes I totally agree with you....It's not nessessary ;)

Where I live right now, it is fall where I live....however, if you've ever been to Canada you know that the weather can be quite unpredictable and can change from hour to hour etc.... Some people just need to get off their high horse ;)

Sherri - posted on 11/12/2010

9,593

15

387

Why is the colorful language necessary Kati and Laci? I guess that is what irritates me. No one can have a conversation without constantly swearing.

Rosie - posted on 11/12/2010

8,657

30

315

people like that drive me batty. you know what your kid can wear and what he needs. it bugs the shit out of me when people plac blanket after blanket on a kid when it's 90 degrees outside, but i keep my mouth shut. it's their fucking kid.

LaCi - posted on 11/12/2010

3,361

3

171

I HATE people who comment on my son not being dressed appropriately. My son is a SWEATY freakin kid. He's not normal, he likes it cold. No, I won't put a coat on him and let him sweat all over the place because some old fuck thinks it's cold. He dresses about the same as I do, because we enjoy the same temperatures. It's 60 degrees in my house and he runs around naked, so they can bite me. When it's 65 and he wears pjs he SWEATS AND WHINES. rawr.

Nikkole - posted on 11/12/2010

1,505

31

49

@tracey i know how you feel my Uncle had some kind of disease that attacked his nerves and at first he could walk but then over time got worse and worse and he would walk but he looked really drunk,the cops would pull him over and accuse him of drinking and it was just the way he walked! But eventually he was bound to a wheel chair and we got a lot of rude comments on him believe it or not the kids were nicer than there parents they would actually come up and ask hey whats wrong with them and the parents would just look in disgust i almost got into a couple fights over him with kids around my age! My grandma is BAD about saying things about parents and there kids when were out but she even says things to me and it hurts my feelings!!! But ive had people say things about me because i am 22 and have 2 little ones and tattoos on my forearm but i usually just ignore it or smile and wave at them and then they walk away quickly lol!

Bonnie - posted on 11/12/2010

4,813

22

257

That's one problem I have. They say dress your kids the way you dress yourself or add one layer. The problem is, I am often cold.

Sherri - posted on 11/12/2010

9,593

15

387

I am one of the guilty parents that over dresses there children. If we leave the house in the winter they have turtle neck, hoodie, winter coat, hat and mittens. I do not take them off in the car, they are only allowed to take hat and mittens off in the stores there coats must remain on. I freeze all winter and hence I keep my kids warm. Even in our house them have to have shirts, pants, socks or slippers and my house is about 70 deg.

Caitlin - posted on 11/12/2010

1,915

5

171

People apparently love judging, I do judge sometimes, but never out loud. What I find around herre is people overdress their children a lot. I can't count on all my digits the times I've seen a baby being pushed around in a shopping cart or stroller inside a mall or store still in their full snowsuit crying and fussing and the parent seems to have NO idea why...

I have little furncae kids. If it's more than 5 C outside, and I plan only to go form house to car and car to store I only put her in a sweater, because the brief chill I feel is as I said brief.

It's like when I was pregnant with my first, I was out with friends and we were all having pretty girly drinks, and an older woman came up to me and starting giving me crap from drinking while pregnant, and I basically told her off saying "Do you even KNOW what a shirley temple is?" stupid people jusge without knowing..like my 2 year old still has a pacifier a lot, because shes getting her canine teeth and wihtout it she's miserable, she needs to chew on something.. and I keep getting looks..

The other looks I get are "poor you" looks.. Frequently when I grocery shop, it's with the 2 girls in the morning while my husband sleeps so the house is quiet for a bit (he works nights) and maybe they assume i'm a single mom with 2 girls close together and i'm still pretty young, so maybe they think they are oops kids? Silly people, probably a lot because I still haven't lost a lot of baby weight, so my wedding rings still don't fit...

Sherri - posted on 11/12/2010

9,593

15

387

I don't think I have ever had anyone judge?? I do have to say I have judged others but never out loud just to myself. Such as the other day it was not even 50 deg out and a man had is baby in a stroller going to pick up his older children to school. He had to walk quite a way no socks, coat, or hat on this baby just his romper. I was horrified, I wanted to go over and slap the man right upside his head.

Hannah - posted on 11/12/2010

175

42

7

Sharon, thank you for pointing out my grammatical error....He was dressed in hoodie, onesie, pants, socks, shoes... And I spent half the time we were out taking off my jacket because I was getting so hot!!

Tara - posted on 11/12/2010

2,567

14

107

Ignore them. You don't have to defend yourself to a bunch of people you don't know who were not raised to not say anything if they can't say something nice.

Now having said that, I have seen many parents who really do need someone to point out to them that their child is not dressed right. For instance this past summer I saw a young mom pushing an umbrella style stroller with a baby who was too small for it, (maybe about 4 months) wearing a diaper and no hat there was no canopy on the stroller and she was being bathed in bright bright sunlight. She wasn't in a store, she was pushing her baby around town with her friends. I felt like tearing a strip off of her, but being in the van, parked at a light I didn't have that option. Another time I saw a mom get off a bus with her kids in the winter, she had a fur coat on and knee high leather boots. Kid #1 dressed in a hoody and jeans and sneakers about 7 yrs old. Kid #2 about 3 was dressed in jeans and a hoody and sneakers as well. Kid #3 was a baby about a year and he had on a sleeper with a hand knitted sweater over top and a hat. It was WINTER!!!
I don't care if they are just going into daycare/school etc. it is winter outside and that means you dress for winter.
But as for the OP, ignore them all. Or take some sarcasm courses. lol
:)

[deleted account]

Tracey what complete wankers, some people are truely rude and distasteful, EVERY life is valuable and should not be condemned!

As for the OP I would just ignore idiots, you know what is best for your child and why you choose to do it. Nobody has the right to judge others!

[deleted account]

Last week I had to nip into the supermarket for a couple of things. My toddler was walking a couple feet ahead of me. A stupid women cut right infront of me and the buggy with her shopping cart, my son carried on walking not realizing I was no longer right behind him. I quickly manoeuvred to go around her when her mother with another shopping cart cut me off from that direction. I caught the old lady on the back of her ankle. I apologised but said I needed to stop my son.
As I caught up to him all I heard were the two women discussing how terrible a mother I was for let my child run wild in a busy supermarket. Took all my restraint not to turn around and tell them " if you learnt to fucking well open your eyes and not selfishly barge infront of others and keep your granny on a fucking leash my son would of remained only a few feet ahead of me instead of running fucking wild in a busy supermarket" but I didn't. I bit my tongue and carried on shopping with steam blowing out my ears!

Tracey - I completely sympathize with your situation. I used to get hundreds of dirty looks and comments with my older child when he was still a toddler. He used a buggy, still in nappies, had a dummy all till he was gone 4 years old so everyone felt like they had the right to comment about what a useless parent I was because he shouldn't need all those things at that age, too lazy to break him of babyish habits. Then god forbid he should go into meltdown and I had to drag him out of the road and restrain him from slamming his head into the tarmac. Although what I've received in ignorant comments is mild in comparison to what you've described. Some people need a real education in disabilities.

Charlie - posted on 11/12/2010

11,203

111

401

Tracey that is horrible , what nasty , terrible human beings those people are THEY should be steralised !

Erin i used to have one child( 5 years ) be picked up from school given a coke or red bull then placed in the front seat of the car without a booster seat *PALMFACE* I had many talks with his father , apparently he is too "cool" to care .

Tracey - posted on 11/12/2010

1,094

2

58

Try taking a kid out in a wheelchair, I've been told that if my son was an animal he would be put down, that my husband and I should be forcibly sterilised to stop us producing retards, that in the war my son would have be sent to the gas chamber, that I shouldn't leave the house with him now that I can do internet shopping, that because he looks normal I am pretending he is disabled to get money from the government. I usually say that his disability is not as bad as that person's stupidity / ignorance / intolerance.
Funnily my husband 6'4, 300lbs ex marine never gets any comments.......

Erin - posted on 11/12/2010

6,569

25

232

This hasn't ever happened to me either. I would probably give them the 'death stare' but wouldn't waste my time responding unless it was something really offensive. I say probably because I have a mouth, and it can sometimes get me in trouble lol.



Edited to add: I would only ever comment on someone else's parenting if it directly affected my child. This has happened once. We were at a play area in a mall and this little boy (I'd say he was about 4) was TERRORISING the other kids. He kicked my daughter - who was only about 15mths old - and then came down the slide and stomped on her. The mother was about 10m away, with her back turned, drinking coffee and chatting to some other ladies. So yeah.,. she copped a mouthful from me.



Otherwise, I keep my mouth shut. I'm a medical secretary in a GP practice and some of the things I see from patients makes me want to put my head through the wall. My personal favourite was the toddler drinking coke from her bottle. I shit you not :-/ But I would never say anything about stuff like that, no matter what I think.

Charlie - posted on 11/11/2010

11,203

111

401

I have to say this has never happened with my children it used to happen on nights out with my friends pre kidlets .

JuLeah - posted on 11/11/2010

3,133

38

681

I ignore them. Well, sometimes. I guess sometimes I am more passive aggressive then ignoring.



A women walked by my child on the last sunny day we had and made a comment. We live in the Pacific Northwest, and it rains here ALL the time. Folks take mega doses of Vit D to make up for the lack of sun.



Anyway, she walked by my child who was wearing a t-shirt, and said, I can't believe you are allowing her to be out in the sun like this. She is going to die from skin cancer.



I knew there was nothing I could say to her; you can't fix stupid.



But at my child's frightened expression and within the womans' earshot, I talked about the importance of ignoring the trully stupid and that the sun is really good for you in small doses like we have access to.

The woman was offended, but I didn't lose sleep over it.

So, I say ignore if you are going for mature. Do what I did if you don't care much about grace, class, or dignity.

Leah - posted on 11/11/2010

286

20

6

Urgh, I hate it when that happens! Usually I just walk past and don't say anything. There was a situation last summer when I was taking my then 2 year to the park wading pool. I was then very pregnant with my son and carrying loads of stuff. They had evacuated the splash pad b/c they were chlorinating it. But my daughter was way to quick for my preggo self carrying arm loads of towels etc and ran into the pool anyways. I got her out as quickly as humanly possible but an old guy just had to say something. Usually I would have just ignored him but being in a pregnant state makes your mouth work without you realizing it and I told him to mind his own business. He said 'I'm just looking out for your child's welfare' and I raised my voice in front of all the eye witnesses and told him again very loudly to 'MIND YOUR OWN FREAKING BUSINESS'. Lmao, still makes me chuckle to this day.

If it is something incredibly rude, I will confront them. But if its just whispering behind my back, whatever. I've got better things to do.

Amie - posted on 11/11/2010

6,596

20

408

Unless they actually come up and say something to me or someone I'm with, I'll ignore them.

They're entitled to their opinion and I'm entitled to think they're a jackass. 'Nuff said. =)

Charlie - posted on 11/11/2010

11,203

111

401

I just give them "the look " you know , one eyebrow raised like a visual " yeah ? say it to my face " haha .

People are nosey idiots , they have no idea about your son or how hot he runs , my son sweats up a storm even in winter he is a little heater !

I don't like confrontation but i don't mind making a person back down either when they get a bit big for their boots .

[deleted account]

Similar story here. My Husband my friend her partner and i were all out with our kids one day ( 5 kids between us) shopping and as we were waiting in line my then 18 month old was running a muck as usual. Well the old women behind us gave us a piece of their mind about how babies shouldn't be raising babies and all that i just smiled. It was more a smile of i didn't know what to say. But from then that moment i knew that if any one ever wanted to critisise me then sure say as you please because once i'm home with you kids you wont be there!

[deleted account]

I have never made a comment to another mom in public becasue it's not my place to. But I do feel bad for a very small child who is clearly underdressed and it is cold out. Perfect example form this morning. We were at the Veterans' Day parade and it was quite windy, and in the mid 50's. My son and I both had on lightweight jackets and he was still cold. So, I always keep extra blankets & sweatshirts in the car and go thim all snuggled. Sitting near us along the curb was a family-no jackets. Clearly the younger boy was cold cause he was snuggling into his dad. But the baby in the stroller-he did not even have socks on! It was windy, and cold, and here's a family who, IMO, are neglecting their children by not at least providing warm clothing on a chilly morning. But I mind my business, because what I may perceive to be cold, they might have been just fine. But it does upset me when parents underdress their children, because they may bee too liltte to say "I'm cold".

Amanda - posted on 11/11/2010

668

16

35

I get looks and comments a lot from older parents more or less. I'm 24 with 4 children ages 7,4, almost 3 and almost 2. People always have rude things to say and I either smile or ignore them. I can remember a time at a store when we were putting the kids in the cart and my oldest was standing next to me and at the time he had a mo-hawk because he really wanted one. He hadn't started actual school yet so we let him have one. It was around StPatricks Day so we had it colored green with food coloring, and soo many different older couples were making snood remarks saying how typical it was for a young parent to do "crap" like that to their child. I was extremley offended but didn't have to say anything because my son stepped up and said, " I like my hair, and I wanted it this way thank you for noticing!" The older couple just smiled and walked out...it was flippin amazing! :)

Julie - posted on 11/11/2010

619

35

71

A good rule is to dress your child the way you are dressed. If you are lightly dressed, it is plenty for him. Now, you may want to have a heavy jacket in the car "just n case", but that is irrelevant now.

To answer your question: If the people are family, I respond. If not, I ignore them. Life is too short to stress out about what judgmental folks who aren't even in your same situation think or say.

I like to say to friends of mine: You are a duck and the snide comments roll right off your back.

Katherine - posted on 11/11/2010

65,420

232

4894

LOL this one time when my daughter was 2.5 she escaped from the house in her undershirt and rainboots and diaper. Nothing else. I had to chase her down the street in my work clothes in the middle of winter and we had just gotten like a foot. You should have SEEN the looks I got.
Screw them. It's too hot in the car to have your kid in a sub zero coat.

Stifler's - posted on 11/11/2010

15,141

154

597

Parents just want what is best for their children and we judge other parents based on what we think is best even if it isn't best for other people's kids. I don't respond, but it depends whether their comment is valid. I never give my kid custard jars and stuff and one day I decided to try it and brang it with us to the coffee shop and we met my MIL there and she's all 'How often do you feed Logan this? If you're staying at your parents why can't you make food there". I just wanted to punch her in her face because she knows I steam apples and mash bananas at home and am opposed to custard and shit and she was only saying it to piss me off.

Dana - posted on 11/11/2010

11,264

35

489

People are always going to judge other people, it's a part of life so, I just ignore them or I judge them back. ;)

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms