Joy - posted on 12/27/2010 ( 58 moms have responded )
Question: Say you had a friend who asked you point blank, "Is it ok if I get ______ for your son / daughter for Christmas?" It's a toy that you really don't want your child to have yet so you politely say, "No, I'd rather him / her not have that just yet." You then give a whole list of other things that your child likes and would enjoy, just as suggestions to give your friend a direction to shop in. So Christmas day rolls around and your friend shows up with the exact toy you had said no to. Would you be angry?
So here's what happened. Steve's best friend Ray wanted to get Jacob (3 years old) a power wheels 4 wheeler. He asked me about it and after some thought, I decided I didn't think he needed one right now. For one thing, I want Jacob to play like I did when I was little. I want him to ride a bike before he learns to just push a pedal. I don't care about him being the "cool kid" or having certain toys just because all of the other kids have them. He's my (and my husband's) kid, and we get to decide how to raise him, right? The other reason I didn't want him to have one, isn't that I NEVER wanted him to have one. I would have been ok with it next year or the year after, but I wanted that to be a purchase made by Steve & I. So anyhow, I tell Ray no, and he says, "Well then what should I get him? What does he like?" I told him that it would be easier for me to tell him what NOT to get. No power wheels and no guns. Those are pretty much my only two rules. I even told him I'd be ok if he bought Jacob a drum set (which he's been wanting). Those of you on my FB already know that on Christmas day, Ray showed up with a power wheels 4 wheeler. I had found out a few days before Christmas that he got it, so I'd had time to "get over it". But I'm kinda bummed because with the exception of one person (my 82 year old aunt), everyone else (including my best friend) thinks I was silly for not wanting him to have one in the first place, and that I should have just let "Uncle Ray" get whatever he wanted and that's that. I tried explaining to my best friend (who doesn't have children) that she would understand once she had kids of her own but she still thinks that I'm being, in her words, a little bitchy about it. No one seems to understand that what bugs me is that Ray got it AFTER I had already said no. I told my best friend that if Ray had just done it, showed up on Christmas day with it, then what am I gonna do? But he asked, I said no, and he did it anyway. To me, this makes him an asshole in my eyes. Not that I don't love our friend Ray or anything and I'm not bitter about it but still, if he hadn't asked, I'd have had no choice. I guess either way, I have no choice. I'm glad Jacob likes it. I'm glad he has been having fun on it and I'm going to continue to let him play with it because it's his and as long as he behaves, it's like any other toy, he's good, he gets to play with it. I even took a video of Jacob riding it and having a blast on it Christmas day. I was right there behind the camera laughing and enjoying seeing my son have fun. But at the same time, I just wish someone understood that it doesn't matter that Ray got to be the cool uncle. What matters is that he did something regarding my child that I had made very clear I didn't want him to do. Please tell me someone gets where I'm coming from? And would you have been pissed if someone had done something similar?