No sleepovers! Many parents ban tween ritual

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 04/30/2012 ( 76 moms have responded )

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Forget the sleepover rituals of junk food, "truth or dare" and late night gab sessions that have ushered tweens into teens for decades. A new generation of parents are sticking to strict no sleepover rules.

They call them "sleep unders," "half-overs," "late nights" and "breakfast bashes." Come in your jammies, bring junk food, play all the games you want, but at a certain point these children will be tucked in under their own roof where their parents know the rules about R-rated movies, Internet use and adult supervision.

"In the old days it used to be that you would build up to a sleepover and you knew everything about that family," says Stacy DeBroff, a Boston mother of two and author of four parenting books including "The Mom Book!" "But now a more vigilant kind of hyper-concerned parent says unknown dangers may lurk, I don't know every variable ... and so I'm going to hover and basically swoop in and take you out."

While plenty of families believe slumber parties are harmless good fun, several news stories about molestation at sleepovers — including a Vermont father who was charged in June with drugging a 13-year-old friend of his daughter with a smoothie and then fondling her — have given parents who worry about slumber parties concrete reasons to avoid them.


Read the rest:
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/32288857/n...

Now, I am a believer in sleepover's. I truly believe they encourage emotional growth for children. However, I am a parent that does meet with the other parent before my child gets to sleep over night there. I also, have already pretty well interrogated my child of what goes on in the other childs home (without my child realizing it is an interrogation).

I was of course very nervous and still am, when my daughter sleeps over at a friends home. I must already have met and gotten to know her friend and they must have already slept at our home. She is not allowed to sleep over at a friends home, where I know the parents do not have rules and allow their child to roam the streets after my daughters ruled in time at home. You know, ones I consider irresponsible. I also, always give a specific home time for the morning. I will either pick her up or now that she is older, she can walk home (since it is within our neighbourhood). With that said, there are very few friends of hers that this is an issue.

I most definitely encourage her friends sleeping at our home over her sleeping at theirs. She does prefer that anyhow. However, I do believe it is important for her to get out and experience herself, on her own, overnight at her friends too. She does have a cell phone, so she can call me at anytime, if needed.

My daughter would have been about 10, though, before I started allowing her to sleep over night outside our home, except at family members homes.

Your thoughts. How do you feel about sleep overs? Do you allow your child to sleep out of the house or does it bring too much anxiety?

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Jenny - posted on 05/08/2012

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I weep for this generation being raised by suburban dictators. This is damaging to their abilities in the world. Our job is to teach them to be independent critical thinkers, not put them in a bubble so they don't get hurt. If you think sending them to someone else's house is putting them in danger, outside of the extreme, just give up now. You are not helping them one bit if you think they will fail without your constant supervision. Get over yourself parents.

Jodi - posted on 04/30/2012

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"is the world just going to get worse"

The world is no worse now than it used to be. 24/7 news just makes it seem that way.

" the mother very well and she may even be a good friend of yours, but you have no idea who the father is OR if her boyfriend will be sleeping over that night."

On this basis, you are judging the majority of parents to have poor judgement. On the whole, MOST parents are good parents and very responsible. There are only a handful that aren't. And if you know the child and the parents well enough, you should be able to trust your judgement of character.

"I will definitely encourage my daughter's friends to sleep over here."

That will only work for you if the other child's parents don't have the same judgements about you as you have about them.....

Dionne - posted on 07/24/2012

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I don't see the problem with sleep overs they don't bother me at all. Only thing i would be cautious of, is to make sure theres not gonna be only 3 of them. Sounds silly but its because I went to a "friends" sleep over and it was me her and another friend of ours and the two proceeded to gang up on me and bully me to the point i was calling my mother at 3am begging her to pick me up - literally begging.

The girl who's house it was she was a close friend of mine before the incident and the same age the other girl was a neighbour of hers a year older but also had been friends with us both.

- no my mum didn't pick me up even though we lived 10mins walk from her house and my mum owned a car and could drive. I was to scared to walk home on my own at that time of day as it was still dark outside. I think I was about 8 at the time.

That being said i wouldn't have any issues in my children attending sleepovers but from this experience i wouldn't want my child to be the "third wheel" so it would have to be 1 other or many others.

Sally - posted on 05/01/2012

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I can understand being careful etc but IMHO we are wrapping our kids in cotton wool . Do people not realise that the only reason we hear about drugged drinks etc is because its so rare.yes i allow sleep overs with same sex. I know the kids and have never had a problem. I feel sorey for kids these days because instead of being brought up to be sensible they are taught to fear.

James - posted on 11/20/2013

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My first sleepover was when I was thirteen or so. My friends parents were supposed to be there, but somehow they ended up leaving for three or four hours or so to go to a dance party. We watched a porn movie for the first time and played. One of the kids left after he had too much of all the oral work in the video and ended up taking a bus home. I stayed. We drank a small bottle of my friend's dad's brandy and went skateboarding intoxicated around parking lots in a nearby mall. Had this not been twenty years ago, we would have videotaped our adventures and posted it on YouTube while still drunk.

I should add that there was a pub at that mall. A guy in his fourties or so came out and offered us weed. We had a few puffs and he started inviting us to his farm to play the video games he supposedly had. He made us very nervous. We took off when he went back inside the pub to get his jacket.

I sometimes have daydream nightmares that my kids may ever find themselves in similar situations. Sure, I know some of the parents of my kids friends, though usually only know one of the parents better than the other. I know some of the rest, which means majority of them, superficially.

Do a search on YouTube for tween or teen sleepovers and you will think twice or thrice before you let your child go to one. While on the subject of YouTube, I don't think I know too many parents who really understand how to block kids from internet, device and webcam abuse. There are thousands of these videos, and suprise, suprise, you rarely see any parents in these tween slumber party videos. Are they sleeping with their earplugs in another room? Did they step out to visit a neighbour?

Seriously, do have a good look on YouTube before you make any decisions you may regret. Know both parents well before you entrust your kids to their care. Would you want to sleep over at these people's house? What purpose does it serve? What do your kids learn from this? Talk to other parents that you look up to and see what they think. Ask people who had sleepovers. Did they get any sleep? Did they have to drive a kid home in the middle of the night? Did they have to call a kid's parents in the middle of the night? Think hard about any advantages

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Kaya - posted on 04/30/2014

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It is fine to have a sleepover, but a good thing to do Is check on your child every once in a while. If your child is at a friends house ask the parents if they could check on your child once in a while and ask them to tell you if anything happened that was unexpected etc... Even try calling your child. If she doesn't have a mobile call the parents home phone & ask if you could say hi.. That way your child won't get away with not answering when you call.

User - posted on 11/17/2013

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Never had sleepovers when 1 was a kid...homes had 3 bedrooms...most neighbours had 2-3 kids...where would you sleep...on a couch...had a cousin who would have been living in Toronto in the mid 60 s but she is 13 years older than me....aunt & uncles lived elsewhere. Kids in school never saying anything about that...parents would not allow it...

Have friends who daughter stay at their friends home..not sure if these couple have kids overnight...what rules do you have?? People do not know their neighbours like they use to. steve m

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I think that same sex sleepovers are fine provided you have met at least one of the parents and their house rules aren't drastically different than your own. Being molested at a sleepover is a rare occurrence. Your child is more likely to be molested by a family member than by an acquaintance or stranger as a child and then as a teen more likely by a date.

Linda - posted on 08/25/2013

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I had a lot of sleepovers as a kid, mostly with my best friend, some with friends that were BFFs for just a short while.

I think things have changed, and if parents don't realize that, they either live in tiny towns and know everyone very well or are living in denial.

I don't want to be rude, I really don't, and have enjoyed most of the posts. Yes, childhood is very special and children should be encouraged to make their own descisions and
to be independent thinkers, and no, we can't protect them from everything. If they are coddled too much, they won't know what to do when something bad happens.

But at the very least, we should know where the kids are going to be, what the parents are like, if they care about the kids, will be there, will make sure the kids don't do anything dangerous.
Kids do stupid things, even the smartest and most responsible kids do. They need some supervision.
But if my daughter (or son) thought something was "weird" or bad, and started walking home at 3 AM, I would be very upset with the parents and with myself, that I
didn't have communication open for them to let me know if they found themselves in a bad or uncomfortable situation that they couldn't handle.
I did, a couple of times, but nothing terrible. One, looking back, was a lesbian experiment, I think, and I handled it, at 14, just stayed away from her the rest of the night and didn't go to sleepovers with her again.
Meeting the parents is crucial and my child should feel as well-cared for at their friends' house as ours, but I do think the best way to get to know the parents is to have the kids spend time at both houses for non-sleep-overs a few times first.
I feel like I am repeating what many have said,

Bobmusicgirl4 - posted on 08/04/2012

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I think it's a right of passage to be honest. My son is still too little to have them (he's 3) but when I was a kid I always went to sleep overs and nothing bad happened at them. I don't think that parents should even try to control every social situation their kid is in, that is just plain sheltering your child. I knew this one girl who's mother would always come to school and talk to the whole class about disrespecting her daughter or teasing, it honestly just made it worse for her. She had no friends because of her mother. She also never went to sleep overs, I felt bad for her so I went to sleep over at her house sometimes.
I think it's perfectly okay as long as you know the parent, know that there will be an adult present and know who your child will be with. Perfectly fine!

Becky - posted on 07/31/2012

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My boys are still too little for sleepovers with anyone besides Grandma or cousins, and currently, since they're not in school yet, all their friends are children of our friends, who I would trust to keep them overnight if we needed an overnight caregiver. But, I do think that I will allow sleepovers with friends when they are older. However, I would have to know both the friends and their parents well, know that the parents had similar values and rules to ours, and know what would be going on and that the level of supervision would be appropriate to the age. I would certainly be more comfortable with sleepovers happening at our house, but on the other hand, if my boys turn out to be social butterflies, I'm sure I'll welcome the break from hosting once in a while too! :)

Mel - posted on 07/21/2012

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I always thought that as long as you knew the parents & children, it was pretty safe to allow your child to sleepover at someone's house. I was wrong.

Two lots of very local family friends regularly swapped kids for babysitting, sleepovers etc. We knew both these families well, we all had children of the same ages (who attended the same primary school & often the same classes), we all socialized together, took parenting tips & advise from each other, went to the beach together, had bbq's together & enjoyed each others company. We were all close.

As perhaps one of the more "protective" mothers of the three families, l shyed away from the babysitting & sleepover side of things. Our kids were still young and we also have 4, & l never quite felt right about the safety of leaving that many when they already had several of their own to look after. We were also experiencing a serious illness in one of our own children. So the other two families shared more time together, and often had placed in their care, each other's children.

I was completely mortified to be told by the mother in one of the families what happened at the last of the sleepovers that was ever to happen between these friends. The other family's oldest child, a boy, had during the course of the night inappropriately fondled the youngest of my other friend's daughters. There was just 3 years in age between them.

As we discovered later, this boy was allowed a complete free reign on many aspects of his life. He had complete & unrestricted access to the internet (including having his own facebook account whilst he was underage, and is still), and was allowed to watch whatever he liked on tv. He called the shots on his bedtime even on school nights. I am abhored by what this child must have viewed into the wee hours of the night, unsupervised.

I never thought in my worst of nightmares that something like this could happen between not only good friends, but also good friends of ours. So although you think you know what goes on in other households, believe me, you don't. These horrible things you read and hear about can and do happen & are very real.

Jacqueline - posted on 07/21/2012

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I agree and disagree. These days you are consider the cool kids if you get an invite to a sleepovers. The sleepovers, the more popluar you are. I have two tweens at home and I know and witnessed the harms of teens getting together. However, I also know what a sheltered home can do to kids as well. I live a Mother whom would not let me do anything, no dating, no parties, and certainly no sleepovers. However, I like most teens, found a loop hole to attend 2 parties and had one of my own. My fisrt one was pretty much normal, we talked about our favorite activities, our school, the teacher we disliked, and of course boys, We ate junk food and stayed up way to late. Od course that was due to the fact no one wanted to be the first one asleep- they got silly things done to them; like shaving cream in hair, toothpaste in the hand, and frozen panties. The second one was a little diffent. I was now 14 and there where 5 girls. My Mother let me go because she know the parent and we were going to meet them at church the next day. It was awful, The Mom was not home most of the time and porn was being played. I didn't know anything about porn and I sure wasn't going to be the party pooper. I never was friends with them again after that. Then there was my senior year party when my parents went out of town. It was huge, and different. I didn't have as much fun as I thought I would. I had missed out on so much social events, I thought this way going to be it. I was wrong. Kids everwhere having sex, drinking, and just plain rude after a couple of drinks. I escaped to my room with my a possible boyfriend and well, let just stay that was not a good situation either. I was 18 at the time, but my party resulted in me getting checked out of the house and disappointed in me.

Meanwhile, there were a lot of things that went on and happened my first year of college, because I was not experience or understood why young people did what they do at parties. So, now as a parent myself, I agree, teens should not be involved with sleepovers. Yet, its also an important part of going up and ensuring that your children can grow and mature when they are away from you. Otherwise, when they are out of the house living on their own, they will go crazy or blame you for not preparing them for what's out there. I did both! There are ways to work around the awful truth that are society is scary and ugly sometimes, so are children are children. Many of us or all of us has been to a sleepover in our youth at some point. It was a break for us and our parents. Why do we want to not let our children experience the joy of that. It hars to be a good parent and a lot of work, but it can happen, a nice sleepover. My daughter has had 3 now. Two were very fun and great. Her last one however, was not so great, but it became a learning exerience for her and me as well. It was her 11th birthday party. It was a big one. The theme was mintue it to win it and I spent 3 months on it. It was a blast. Parents came, my parents where there and 10 girls. I kept them in line- my daughter's friends know Ms. Brown doesn't play. So they were on their best behavior. They were some cattiness I had to correct or redirect, but all in all the girls were doing well. Then after going to Blockbuster for a movie, that's when the break down began. My daughter is only allow to watch G, and PG movies. She can watch PG-13 movies, but only after I have screened it and approved of it. So imagine that between my daughter and one other girl was the only one there on that rule. The other girls kept picking up R movies and scary movies. I had to pull my daughter aside and tell her to get an appericate movie or no movie at all. So they found 3. We went home and the girls started to watch movies. I had to turn off one movie because one girl brought a movie on her- Scary Movie 3, well, that is just not appropiated for 10 and 11 year olds. My daughter knew better and it was bed time. It was 1 am. I woke up the next more with the girls laughing. Some of the girls woke up in the early morning and drew on the other sleeping girls. It was cute. But then as they all went home one after the other, my daughter came to me to tell me something that had happen. Just when I thought I had done a good job of parenting but my girl had a good time. She tell me that on of the girl wrote on a girl. I said I know and joked about who the artist was in the group. She said no, a girl wrote words on another girl. Now I thinking Oh no. So I ask the little girl to come here and show me what was written. It was on her legs and arms. A girl, the quietest and cutess girl there wrote, Suck my balls on her legs and stupid on her arms. I was dishearted to see and know that a 10 year old would do this or even know such slang. Thankfully that little girl who was written on was my niece and I talked to my brother about it and it was resolved. My daughter thanked me for the best birthday party ever, then told me later, now she see how I worry about her and peer pressure. She also learned a lesson about what is means to be guilty by assoication. She is no longer friends with that little girl, but not because I told her not to be, they all go the same schoold, but she knew it was the right choice. It will be awhile before I let her have another sleepover, but there will be more rules next time and another parent to watch over with me.

So, it can happen, you just have to be willing to do the work and not compromise on your parenting because the kid say," my parents let me do this." Our children need to know how to socially engage with their peers more than ever these days- it a must. However, we need to work o on being parents 24/7/365. It's not just sleepovers that can possibly harm our children- it any situation that our children are away from us. That the movie 5 quaters. The boy out pressure to ride home with his friends instead of having his mom drive him home, like she always did, and the friend went crazy and drove real fast and crashed the car. The boy died. Then there is the book that Shaina Twain wrote, where when she was a tween she went over to her best friends house in the middle of the day to play. The father was home. She stated that he came into the room with just a towel on and asked if the girls where having fun. They were jumping on the bed. She stated yes when he asked to join. He then took off his towel and was naked. She then knew that, that was very wrong and ran home. There was a time in my youth my parent went out of town and I stayed with my Aunt. There were 5 kids there and we all got catch fooling around, well exploring our bodies with each other. So, we have to be on our guards all the time, not just about sleepovers.

Kristi - posted on 07/21/2012

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I remember sleepovers with my friends and they were awesome! We all had so much fun! Most of the time parents would just order pizza, 99% success rate for pleasing everybody. There were always extra snacks and kool-aid to pig out on in the night time hours. We stayed up late and watched scary movies so we had something to "freak each other out" with, during the night. We played truth or dare, we did make-overs, talked about boys and once we played with an ouija board (never played with it again). We snuck out once or twice but we lived in small towns and everybody knew everybody else so it was pretty safe and we weren't sneaking out to drink, party or meet up with anybody else. I think it was more of a bragging rights thing. Made us sound cool and daring. The most exciting thing we did was toilet paper or own houses, and of course, you know who was cleaning it up the next day! lol Anyways, I can't imagine robbing my daughter of making memories like that.



I do meet the parents first and I expect for their parents to meet me before letting their child spend the night with us. I am very laid back about what they snack on and how much noise they make, as well as, how late they stay up. I always let them stay later the next day so they can sleep in, if they want. I always tell the other parents about "my rules" or lack thereof and ask if that is ok with them. Sleepovers are supposed to be fun and memorable. I want my daughter and her friends to "remember all the awesome sleepovers they used to have" at my house, when they look back at their tween-teen years. I invite my daughter to have friends over anytime she wants. I figure that is the best way to stay in the know and I know she is safe. She has a cell phone and as a rule, it has to be charged and taken with her or it's a no-go. She minds her manners and follows the rules wherever she goes (she knows other parents might not be as laxed as I am and if I hear about her being disrespectful in any way, it's over for quite awhile). Besides, when you're with your best friends it's easy to have good time, no matter what the rules are.



When she first started going to sleepovers I worried about her getting home sick so I always made it clear, if something was wrong and she wanted to come home that I would come and get her no matter what time it was. The only time I had anxiety about her sleeping over anywhere was at her dad's, which is no longer an issue so it's all good. So far I haven't had to restrict her from anybody's home, but I won't be afraid to if the time comes. But, like I said, I want her to love being a kid and I think that "proper" (ha,ha) sleepovers can play a big part in that. : )



ETA

Jurnee - posted on 07/20/2012

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My daughters had many sleep overs, most at my home, not for any reason other than that I was one of the few parents who enjoyed having them. They also stayed at their friends homes, when I knew the parents startign about age 9 or 10 I guess. They stated at preschool age stayong over cousins. My older son usually had 1 or 2 good frinds and his cousin and they would sometimes spend the night, but not as much as the girls. With the girls it was always a big production,lol. My youngest who just turned 10 has just started staying at a friends or his friend will stay here. i never had any prblems, but I always knew the parents real well if my kids stay there. On the other hand, Ive had kids sleep at my house that I never met the parents, except for when they dropped them off the night of the sleep over, That I found weird, and I wouldnt let my kids sleep over there house, they just seemed a bit too relaxed.

User - posted on 07/19/2012

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My mother raised me quite well. I used my common sense, I made good choices and mostly stayed out of trouble. She let me have sleep overs, nothing bad ever happened to me. The fact that my mother trusted me with this, was awesome and I admire her to this day for this reason and more. She knew my friends, she knew their families-truly, it was never a problem. I respect the views of others, and it does seem like the world is changed and kids are being coddled and not maturing/growing as they once did--so perhaps under those circumstances, one must protect their child...but truly, it's a shame it has to go that way. We isolate more and more and teach fear, rather than love.

Corinne - posted on 07/19/2012

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Well, my daughter is 6yrs old and the summer hols start tomorrow at 2pm. I've already sorted it with her best friends Mum, we'll be doing sleepovers this holiday. She's only slept away once, for 2 nights with my M.I.L - it didn't go well. We've had each others kids for play dates and tea, so we'll see. Sooo excited for her, she feels so grown up being allowed to go.

Celeste - posted on 07/19/2012

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I have a 9 year old (10 in August) and 5 year old twin boys. I do let my 9 year old go to sleepovers but I need to know who their parents are. There is one place I will not allow her to spend the night because the man who lives there is an alcoholic and has been physically abusive to the mom and verbally abusive to the daughter. So, I don't trust him as far as I can throw him.



I'm not sure when I'll feel comfortable letting my twin boys sleep over. They slept over at my dad's house , which was their first sleep over (my mother refuses to keep all of them)

Stifler's - posted on 07/17/2012

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My house my rules, if someones kid wants to sleep over they'll be following my rules!

Mommy - posted on 07/17/2012

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I am fine with it, as long as I know the parents and the child and I can trust that my rules are being followed there. I know my husband will have a fit when it comes time for my daughter to have a sleep over. I feel bad for her, she is going to have lots of rules when teenage years come thanks to her overprotective father lol. I LOVED sleepovers, and my parents used to let me have friends over all the time for them. I think that at that age it gives the kids something to do in a safe environment (providing they are not allowed to run the house and there are rules where they are staying.)

Valerie - posted on 07/17/2012

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My eleven year old has sleepovers every week! I am a firm believer that sleepovers encourage trust with friends. Whoever wrote that article must be going paranoid. To make sure my daughter is safe at sleepover, I make sure I know the parents well and I make her take her cellphone just in case something happens. By knowing the parents and being friends with them, I can trust that my child is safe.

America3437 - posted on 06/07/2012

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I allow my 17 yr old to stay at one friends house overnight but he is contacted at bed to check in and also gets a wake up call in am! My 15yr old goes nowhere with his friends as he is not as mature as his older brother, and my daughter...not on your life! I remember sleep overs and how easy it was to sneak out and run the streets. I think it depends on your child and their maturity level as well as the fear of the unknown. Much anxiety!

Erin - posted on 06/06/2012

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Sounds like super paranoia in action. Eeryone has the right to parent how they want but I find these parents to be pretty silly.

Karen - posted on 05/08/2012

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I have not come to that bridge yet, but when I do, I see much anxiety.



I have a very personal reason for why I am not for sleep overs. I will spare all the details, but something very traumatic happened to me as a child during a sleep over. When I hear or see the words "sleep over", the trauma pops right into my head.



I am going to have issues with this in the future. I worry about it so much, and we are not even there yet.



My answer is no. I do not like the idea of a sleep over. Will I have to find a way to compromise? Probably. I am liking the way this sleep-under stuff sounds though. I think it would be great for an ultra paranoid mom like myself.



Edit: Some of the commenters are crying "bubble wrap!". While I agree that some people are super paranoid for no good reason, I am not one of those people. I actually experienced something that made me this way. I was not protected the way I should have been as a child, so I protect my child with my life. I do not expect people to understand where I am coming from.



There are some things that I am relaxed about that some others may not be. Sleep overs though, I am going to have a rough time letting go.

Amie - posted on 05/08/2012

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My children start sleepovers with family when they're toddlers. Usually around 6 they start going to friends houses and friends start coming here. There's only been a few instances where I've said no to going to a friends house and that's because I don't know the parents (or in one case it's because I did know the parents and they were never going to be responsible for my child). Never met them, never talked on the phone with them but they've sent their kids to our place. That honestly freaked me out a bit. The most recent one was two of our eldest friends. We moved last year and she has a whole new group of friends with new sets of parents that I've had to meet and get to know. Out of all of them (there's about 7 of them that are close) there's two who I have yet to meet their parents, I've spoken to one on the phone once about her daughters birthday party but that was it (mine couldn't go because she had a prior commitment). Those two girls have been at and slept over at our house at least 3 times. Until I have actually met their parents though, mine stays home. I have no issue with her sleeping over at a friends house so long as I at least have met the parents. To me, it's common sense to at least have had a face to face conversation with the person who is going to be watching over one of my children. I don't expect to know everyone as well as I do others, I'm not going to get along that well with everyone, but just knowing that I've at least met them puts me at ease.

Jodi - posted on 05/08/2012

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My nephew (4) and my daughter (3) are currently sitting on the couch, eating poptarts ( a treat in our house!) watching Diego. He spent the night last night. They played outside, built a racetrack in the sandbox for the trucks (complete with a tunnel!), we had a campfire with smores, glow sticks and silly jokes. Afterwards, they took a bath and while in the bath, my husband moved the little TV and a DVD player into her bedroom so they could watch a movie in her room before falling asleep (a very special treat at our house!). They slept in the top bunk and asked me to sleep in the bottom. As I lay there listening, they made shadow puppets, told silly jokes, and eventually started whispering and giggling, I couldn't imagine my daughter NOT doing this, both now and one day with girlfriends. I remember it fondly from my childhood, and I hope one day my daughter remembers it just as fondly. Yes, something terrible could happen, but the chances are pretty slim, if I lived in a world where I avoided doing wonderful things because something terrible *could* happen, I wouldn't have ever had children. I just wanted to share this since I couldn't stop thinking about how some parents are banning this wonderful experience.

Jakki - posted on 05/08/2012

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I am very relaxed about sleepovers, either for my kids going elsewhere or other kids staying with us. I have never faced the situation where I have the slightest worry about the family - they just all seem pretty trustworthy and I like their kids.



My only problem with sleepovers is when there is a big group invited eg say 4 kids invited) so they get all excited and don't get to sleep all night, and come home in a foul mood. I'll start offering to go and pick up my kids at 9.30 to put them to bed at a reasonable hour.



My eldest had her first sleepover at her best friend's house when she was 18 months old, in preparation for when her little brother was to be born shortly after. She amazed the family where she was staying by having a morning nap just as the bathroom was being jackhammered on the other side of the wall from where she was sleeping.



Now that's what I call a heavy sleeper!

Stifler's - posted on 05/07/2012

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I never liked having others sleep over. my house was boring. parents religious and carried on with saying grace and stuff and when we watched tv they were like ohhh i don't think this is suitable and rationing the snacks, it made me feel very uncool. At anyone elses place the parents went to bed and let us stay up watching whatever we liked and eating whatever we liked and not eavesdropping on our conversations.

Kelina - posted on 05/07/2012

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I'm not so sure about sleep overs for my kids when they're older to be honest because I'm so freakin amazed that nothing happened to me. My son has slept over at grandma and grandpas a handful of times but i'm a lot more paranoid about asking them to take my daughter as well. Granted at the moment they're only 1 and 3 but my son wasn't much older when he started spending the night there. I think he was about 18 months. I honestly can't say I'll let them stay at friends houses, I'd love to say I will but if I'm this paranoid about them being with their grandparents I can only imagine how paranoid I'll be about friends. I think sleepovers are an important part of a childs development, I also think the idea of half sleepovers are ridiculous, and I think I'll probably wind up staying up all night the first time one of my kids sleeps over at a friends house. In all likelihood most kids who have sleepovers have great experiences, and are never in harms way. But that one in a million chance is the one that curdles my blood because nothing could ever take that back.

Jenn - posted on 05/07/2012

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My girls have yet to have or go to a sleepover, they are 5 and 7. We will start with family sleepovers at a cousin's house, probably this summer. I wouldnt mind a fried sleepover for my oldest if it is one of her friends she has known since preschool and I know her family very well. We did have to nix the idea of co-ed sleepover early on though. My daughter's best friends are boys and she didn't understand why she couldn't sleep over at their house. The moms and I agreed not to set a precedent by allowing it only to have to halt co-ed sleeping in a year or two.

I remember sleepovers. Not that fun for me. I didn't like the food offered, the house might smell different or the family had really different dynamic than my own. Guess I was a pain in the ass picky :) it will be interesting to see how my children do when it is their turn!

[deleted account]

I was only worried the very first time he slept away from home (and not at his father's.) It was a big event at his TaeKwonDo school. I drove by it multiple times to make sure he was ok. He has spent tons of overnights at his 2 best friends houses and the one has been over more times than I can count. I call that boy my 2nd son. (The other one can't due to severe cat allergies discovered while at a sleepover at my house. I think they're essential to kids bonding with their friends.

Shelly - posted on 05/06/2012

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All my children had sleepovers but they were never like this and my youngest who is a tween of 11 has sleepovers now but they aren't like this. Mind you if I didn't supervise they would be. It is simply a matter of putting your foot down. I stay up late so I tend to say enough is enough around 11 at the latest and make them turn everything off and go to bed. Sometimes my son even has a girl sleep over one of 2 girls who are his friends. As I said I am awake till late though and so I know what is going on and yes they are all from nice families whom I do know and I knew the children well first. I have had more trouble from sleepovers with his male friends just being little shits and not wanting to go sleep. I love letting them have sleepovers think it is part of the growing process and would rather have them at my house then let him go to other peoples houses at least this way I know what time he goes to bed.

Elfrieda - posted on 05/02/2012

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I had tons of sleepovers as a kid, but they were all with people that my parents knew quite well, almost always aunts and uncles or close family friends with kids my and my sister's age.



Thinking back, I think a lot of those sleepovers were actually kid-free nights for the other parents, since ALL the siblings were invited to those sleepovers. But we didn't think of that, we just thought we were lucky. :)



At 12 or so I started getting invitations to friends' sleepovers where it was just me, and that was fun, too. I think if you just use some common sense and look at your child's personality and the people s/he'll be staying with, everything will be fine. Don't deprive them.



My son has had "sleepovers" with both sets of grandparents, but that's not quite the same thing. He's only 2, that's all coming up, I guess.



Edited to add: There were rules, by the way. They were relaxed rules, like "lie down and no loud talking after midnight". It wasn't a rampaging free-for-all. I wouldn't send my son somewhere if I wasn't sure that the adults would have control over the situation.

Tracey - posted on 05/02/2012

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My kids have had and have been to sleepovers since they were 6. They have always had them for a birthday treat - a few friends stay over and next morning we go out early and have a day out somewhere. Now they are older the only rules I have are that all alcohol is locked away so they can't have any, the TV gets turned down but they can watch whatever movies they like, and I have contact numbers for all their parents in case of emergency. Only problems we ever had were when a child's tooth fell out and she was concerned the tooth fairy wouldn't know where to come, feeling sick from too much midnight feast, and the inevitable lost clothes the next morning.

Sherri - posted on 05/01/2012

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My boys have always done sleepovers since they were little and still continue to too. Only with people we know quite well though.

**Jackie** - posted on 05/01/2012

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Jessica, sounds like a great place :) We just recently received a letter stating there is a sex offender at the motel down the street. mmhmm, kinda makes ya all fuzzy inside. This is not the place I remember growing up in. Ok, I'm done being debbie downer.

Jessica - posted on 05/01/2012

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When I read stuff like this I always think of that show Bubble Wrapped Kids, I think that mom is awsome, and there really are an insane amount of spazzy moms. That comment isn't directed at anyone, for anyone who would get offended, I just mean in general. I'm so glad that where I live, things still seems to be pretty normal. Kids can get dirty, play at the park , have sleepovers and in general, just be kids! :) I totally want to be the house where the kids want to come for sleepovers etc, but I will also totally let my kids go for sleepovers as long as I have met and confirmed some things with the parents of the childs house they are going to.

**Jackie** - posted on 05/01/2012

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OH and as far as the anxiety goes? I take medication for that lol and when my daughter is old enough to have a real sleepover with girlfriends, I'll just up my dosage for the night

**Jackie** - posted on 05/01/2012

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Fair enough, I see what you guys are saying so I get why you would think family sleepovers are not the same.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 05/01/2012

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I do agree, that sleepovers at a family members is much different than that of a friend (typically school-aged). I mean, we know our family members inside and out, you are not typically partial to your child's friends parents (which is why you need to know them on some level). However, with that said, I am waiting until my son is 2/2.5 before he can even sleepover at a family members. Not because I am not trusting but because I am too anal with his routine. LOL I want him out of his crib and in a regular bed, first. Oh and for him to stop putting things in his mouth. None of my family members homes are baby proofed, at all.

They can come and sleep at our home if they want and they have. My husband and I have gone out over night, once (since my boy was born). My in-laws are so awesome. They are more than willing to spend the night at our home. They agree, that all of my boys things are at home, so it is easier for them to come to ours than vice versa.

I would not allow my son to sleepover at a friends home or them at ours. He is way too young. My daughter was close to 10 before she started sleeping out of the home at friends places. We did have sleepovers at our home though, by the age of about 8. She just wasn't interested leaving home overnight (except to family member homes). She still isn't really but she does it, ever so often (every 3-4months). We have them monthly at home.

Actually, she just had her friend sleepover this past Friday night, which I was surprised because my daughter is currently grounded from the TV and Computer. They still had a great time, telling each other stories. ;)

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2012

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Yeah, family type sleepovers with cousins are vastly different than a sleepover with a friend (most likely from school). Yes, my daughter has sleepovers at her cousins houses and they have sleepovers here, but I would not let her have a sleepover at one of her friends houses or vice versa. That's a different scale and one she is not and I am not ready for. IMO, the two are not equateable.

Sally - posted on 05/01/2012

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@ jackie. Imo. What you are discribing is not a sleep over. Its family helping out with baby sitring, different thing.

Isobel - posted on 05/01/2012

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I'm pretty sure your kid has a higher chance of dying in your car than being drugged by her friend's dad.

But I'm also pretty sure you're not going to stop strapping them in.

**Jackie** - posted on 05/01/2012

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I do have trust issues when it comes to my children. I am a super sweet and fun person but when it comes to my daughter, I can be a grizzly bear.

Also, a sleepover with a cousin IS the same thing...because it IS a sleepover AND my cousin isn't with the father of her daughter and she has new boyfriends all the time,....I don't know them but I can only try and trust her judge of character. YIKES. I need a nap now

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2012

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How is any of that relevant to me telling you to grow up?



A sleepover with cousins is hardly the same thing.....just saying.



Anyway, whatever, you clearly have a trust issue IMO. Your problem, your children's problem, not mine. Good luck. I mean that.

**Jackie** - posted on 05/01/2012

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yes really. I was just debating. My daughter has two toddler cousins and both of those cousins have slept over my house so they have had a sleep over. My 5 year anniversary is on May 3rd and I was hoping my cousin could take my daughter for the night. I was only laughing that you just told me to grow up. Good story.

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2012

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Oh FFS Jackie. This is ridiculous. I made it clear I was debating hypothetically (based on the fact you only have a toddler), which is what a debate often is. Grow up.

**Jackie** - posted on 05/01/2012

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Well that is if you think a toddler is too young to have a sleepover.

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2012

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"But anyway, it's all hypothetical for you really. There's probably no point speculating until you are faced with a child old enough to have to make that decision :)"

See?

**Jackie** - posted on 05/01/2012

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"I am curious, what reasoning are you going to give to your daughter when you KNOW the mother, you KNOW the child, and yet you still say no, she can't go for a sleepover? What are you going to tell her? That you won't let her because you think she might get molested?"



You just said I would be saying no to my child.





ETA: Your statement was not hypothetical...you were actually asking me a question. Furthermore, my posts were not hypothetical...I was referencing the true story in the OP

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2012

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"Jodi, where in my post did I say I wouldn't let my daughter sleep at someone's house? I said I would ENCOURAGE her friends to come over here. Yikes!"

I never said you wouldn't. I was using the same hypotheticals you were.......Yikes!

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