NOT A DEBATE wedding 3 weeks advice please

Melissa - posted on 02/10/2011 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I have 92 guests which includes my 3 yr old daughter and other 8 yr old flower girl the cake Im getting can either be serving 92 people or 115 I dont want to go all that extra but at the same time the caterers r going to have to be careful how they cut it to make sure everyone gets cake but there are desserts as well so do you think the 92 serve one will be enough? Or ask my friend to make the bigger one? Ive still got much little things to do like hair/make up trials getting my hair dyed alterations gifts etc who do you recommend buying gifts for at the wedding we recently went to a wedding where they bought flowers for the brides grand mother and couple other people and speechs as well who does speeches? That wedding only the grand mother of the brides and father of the groom did one. Does MOH do one? My fiance is very nervous about it all but Itold him he NEEDS to do a speech thanking all the people individually at leats but he wont. Is there anything I could have forgotten that must be done? I got told you pretend to cut the cake for photos and the caterers actually do it, but at my friends wedding they cut it(and messed it up) so what happens with that. My bridesmaids have also never attended a wedding and are asking me all sorts of questions what happens where do they stand when do they come in and I dont even know what Im doing! I also assume you wait til after hair and makeup then come home and get dressed but Im worried about runing out of time as wedding is at 1pm and hair/makeup is at 7am for 6 people! I also need to make time for breast feeds Any help or advice for the whole thing would be fantastic

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Isobel - posted on 02/11/2011

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exactly what Toni said...and wear a button-down shirt when you get your hair done the day of the wedding so you can get it off without ruining your hair ;)

good luck!

Rosie - posted on 02/11/2011

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92. alot of people won't come, and the ones that do, not everyone will eat cake. hope you have a great time!!

[deleted account]

My first bit of advice...relax and enjoy your wedding. You want this to be a happy memory...not a memory of being stressed out! Things don't have to be perfect. Let things go if need be (ex. your fiance doesn't have to say a speech if that's causing him stress and you'll be less stressed by not trying to force him). If at the end of the day you are married to the one you love...SUCCESS!!!

So for your specific questions...

1. Like someone already said, not everyone will show up. Not everyone will want cake. Just go with the 92 people cake. Let the caterers do it and go enjoy the party while they cut and serve.

2. It's appropriate to give gifts to the wedding party. Something small would suffice. I got my bridesmaids jewelry to go with the bridesmaids dresses, and my husband got his groomsmen a book. I think if you wanted to go to Wal-Mart and get each bridesmaid and groomsman a gift card that would be okay...and super easy and hassle free. We presented our mothers and grandmothers with a single rose each during a special time in the service. But it's totally not necessary. If the thought of doing that stresses you...forget it!

3.Don't worry about speeches. We didn't do any! If you feel obligated...just keep it short and sweet, "Thank you for supporting us and we look forward to a lifetime of love." The end. If one of your bridesmaids or groomsmen want to give a speech, go for it. But don't force anyone.

4. I think I already answered the cake cutting question. If the caterers won't do it...designate someone else to do it. YOU go enjoy the party.

5. For your sanity, do a rehearsal the night before. That way everyone knows exactly how to walk and where to stand. Everyone will be more comfortable that way.

6. If the wedding starts late, so be it. It's YOUR day. They can wait a few minutes if you need to breastfeed or re-adjust the dress or something.

Just let all the little kinks roll off your back. Like I said, you want to enjoy the day...not be stressed!

[deleted account]

Ok first up take a big breathe and chill out, your wedding will be great if you relax a little.

1) The cake for 92 people will be fine, you will find that some people don't/ can't come due to last minute things (illness etc) and of those who do come not everyone will eat the wedding cake especially if you have another dessert.

2) Some people do actually make a cut in the cake for the cake cutting photos (some actually cut a piece out as well), we didn't we did the fake cut and left the actual cutting to the caterers, it is completely up to you which you decide to do. It sounds as though you would be more comfortable not cutting the cake though so maybe don't cut it just do the fake cut :-)

3) We brought gifts for my bridesmaids and flower girls, the best man, ushers, moms and dads. I also gave out the flowers that we had on the pew ends to my husbands sisters and SIL and my nans (hubby's nans are deceased) so they also got gifts but they didn't cost us any extra as the flowers would have been thrown away. Finally I gave my mom my bouquet because since I have been young she always said she regretted letting my nan have hers as my nan took it apart (my mom had a fake flower bouquet) and my mom would have kept it, so I really wanted my mom to have mine (with the understanding when the flowers died I could have the 'diamond' pins from the flowers :-) )

Oh and all the daytime guests got wedding favours on the table, but that was only a few sugared almonds (as per tradition).

4) Traditionally the Father of the Bride, Groom and Best man all give speeches. However, I have seen weddings where the bride has given a speech instead of her hubby because he was too shy to give a speech. So again it depends on what you want to do. If you really want your hubby to be to do a speech it doesn't have to be really long or even funny, he could just thank everyone for attending (and he better remember to tell you how beautiful you are as well) and he doesn't need to say anything else.

5) If you can do one a quick hour rehearsal for positioning is really useful, it helps that you and your wedding party (both your parents, bridesmaids and grooms men) know what to expect, when to stand and sit etc. But don't stress if on the day people forget what to do because it all adds to the memories. None of my younger bridesmaids could attend our rehearsal as they all lived too far away so on our wedding day the two grown bridesmaids were in control of the little ones and had to keep saying stand up sit down walk here etc :-) but it was good.

6) Yep get your hair and make-up done then come home and get dressed, have your mom help with the bridesmaids and you just focus on you. Don't worry you have plenty of time to get your hair and make-up done and get dressed and get to your wedding on time.

7) Could you express your breast milk, so then you don't have to worry so much about fitting in the feeds, and while you are busy having your hair etc done someone else (i.e. your mum) could feed your daughter? If not don't stress because it will all come together, if your daughter needs to feed she needs to feed and everyone else can wait.

8) Finally, could your limo make two journeys, the first one with your bridesmaids and mom, the second for you, your daughter and your dad - that is what we had to do because I had 6 bridesmaids in total so we couldn't fit in with them. If not just get your dad to meet you outside the place your getting married, the important part is he is there to give you away.

Good luck and I really hope you enjoy your wedding. :-)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/11/2011

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Have the rehersal. It will clear up any questions about enterance time, and positioning. Usually the rehersal dinner is just for people in the wedding (inclyding both sets of parents). This is when we chose to hand out our thank you presents.

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[deleted account]

I have to disagree with the 92 serving cake-always plan for more! It's better to have leftovers than to have jilted guests over not getting any wedding cake, or, served a very slim piece. And of course those guests who may want a 2nd piece.

For our bridal party, we ordered magazine subscirptinos for everyone, including the kids. We presented our gifts at our rehearsal the day before. I would have been totally lost if we did not do a rehearsal. Best of luck to you!

Melissa - posted on 02/15/2011

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thankyou , so much., Emailed my celebrant she said we dont need the rehearsal she does alot fo weddings and said out of every 100 theres only about 1 person who wants a rehersal. We might so something at our place, Got told its pretty simple we just need someone to do the IPOD and I need to ring them when Im on my way so they know when to do music. All coming together now. hens night went a little bit wrong rying to get our money back for that but wedding is going good. thankyou so much

Stifler's - posted on 02/11/2011

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I got corsages for the MOB, MOG, my grandmas, and his step mum instead of bunches of flowers. dad and grandad got a flower for their suit i forgot to give my brother one. I gave the bridesmaids their gift on the day.

P.S It's mandatory to get a photo of someone doing up your dress! They look awesome.

[deleted account]

I'd go with the 92 serve cake because with desert people don't usually want cake. Well they didn't with mine.
Rehersal is a must. It helps to know how things will go.
We brought presents for the bridal party only.
Lats thing is RELAX the stress you feel now will all be gone on the day and things will run smoothly.

Isobel - posted on 02/11/2011

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Also, when I was a hairstylist I did A LOT of brides on their wedding day...this was my advice to them.

Remember that today you have all the people you love best in one room...they all want what's best for you and will not judge you if any little thing goes wrong. PLUS, they have no idea what you have planned, and will likely not notice what does or does not happen as much as you do.

[deleted account]

1st take a deep breathe and relax. You are getting married NOT getting ready for a funeral. Nothing will change in your life after your wedding day. You will go back to the way you are now. It is just the thought that this is the most important day of your life that gets in the way.

2nd go with the bigger cake just in case and some brides like to try to keep the top of the cake anyways for their first yr anni. (frozen in freezer, & yes it is fine. we did it.)

3rd You should have enough time because hairstylists ALWAYS make sure the bride is done first and best.

4. It isn't that hard with a wedding. the groom stands up by the preacher, groomsmen and bridesmaids stand according to rank you stand at the back of the line (best man and maid of honor 1st in line) 2 songs 1st short diddy takes the groomsmen and bridesmaids down the isle. wedding march is all you.
DONT FAINT! lol

5. If you haven't bought gifts already and have it done don't bother for anyone but the best man and maid of honor. get the moms wrist corsages and the men the lapel ones. You can walk in and order them. make sure they get delivered to someone that morning so you have time if that florist falls through to call another. (anyone can do it last minute with a little bonus $)

6. Yes the groom has to talk, No he doesn't have to thank individually. A general one will work fine. The best man and maid of honor get the long speechs as does the fathers but the fathers are not required either. You can pretend to cut the cake if you want or not. Talk to the caterers and figure it out.

Oh and trust me as long as you have one person with you to help you with the zip or buttons you can be dressed and beautiful in under 10 minutes if your hair and makeup is already done. It is a dress. no big deal. do a couple of practice runs with the under garments just in case you are still worried. however it should be just fine. Tell your bridesmaids to relax. All they have to do is walk down the isle. (Remember to tell the maid of honor in advance to hold your flowers for you once you are standing with your fiancee)

Oh yeah, ok the daughter. it is a limo. put her on your dads lap if need be.

April - posted on 02/11/2011

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It's your wedding day...the beauty of it is that you can do whatever you want! If want to pretend to cut the cake you can...if you want to do it for real, your can!

If you want to make a speech, you can! If you husband doesn't want to, he doesn't have to. My husband didn't...I did. I just said thank you all for coming and that I was honored that they would travel so far to come see me get married. Short...simple. My sister also made a speech. You don't have to do things "traditionally".

I got necklaces for all the bridesmaids to wear on my wedding day as gifts for them. My husband bought pocket knives for his groomsmen...with their names engraved on. The flower girl got a necklace and a crown. I also gave her a ballet bag with her name on it.

Breastfeeds....stick to your original plan of feeding her first thing in the morning before you get started on getting ready for the wedding. Feed her again when you come back from getting your hair and make up done. Feed her one more time just before you get your dress on. After a good amount of pictures have been taken at the reception, you COULD change into a different dress that is easier to do the evening breastfeed in.

Bonnie - posted on 02/11/2011

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I suggest a rehearsal. It makes you more at ease. You will have an idea of what will be going on. Usually it is a day or two before.
As for speeches, it really doesn't matter. Whoever wants to do one. My sister in-law was my MOH and she HATES attention and standing in front people so she didn't want to. Actually no one on my side of the family made a speech. My husband did, his father, his uncle, and his best man.
Often people who are in a wedding party run late. Just try your best to get there onn time. Definitely do your hair and makeup and then put on your dress. You don't want it to get stained or have someone step on it before your actual ceremony. Good luck and try not to stress. It all works out in the end!

Louise - posted on 02/11/2011

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Right deep breath here goes. First of all if you can express some breast milk so that anybody can feed the baby that day would be a big help. The cake sounds big enough to me as long as you tell the caterers that things are going to be tight so offer cake rather than just plonk it on the table. As for speeches in England the only people that make a speech is fathr of the bride, best man and Groom that is it. It is tradition to buy a gift for brides maids, best man and a bunch of flowers for both mothers that is it. You have to stop somewhere. As for the hair and amke up you will take priority so don't worry. Your dad is supposed to escort you to the church but if you can't get him in the limo then he will have to meet you at the church as long as he walks you down the aisle nobody will really care!

But most of all enjoy your day! have the wedding that you want and can afford not what is expected. It is your day and it will be perfect don't worry and good luck!

Stifler's - posted on 02/11/2011

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yeah i'd say a rehearsal would be a good idea so you can decide where everyone stands and practise walking down the aisle etc.

Tracey - posted on 02/11/2011

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Could you pump breast milk so you don't have to mess your dress around trying to feed baby on the day?

You are paying the caterers so if you want to cut the cake they should do whatever you want. I have been to weddings where some cut the cake and others the caterers do it. It could be that photographers weren't hired for the whole day do they pretend to cut the cake just to get the picture.

Speeches - I have only heard the groom, the bride's father and the best man speak. The groom should really thank everyone even if his speech only lasts a minute.

I would recommend a rehersal even if it is just 5 minutes so everyone knows what they are doing otherwise you will all be nervous in the day.

Sal - posted on 02/10/2011

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we had a platter of pretty cup cakes for the kids, saves the real cake. the pastor or celebrant will tell you what to do in a rehersal, but they might be able to send you a copy of the service and who does what, there are very specific ways to do things and any wedding web site will be able to give you these, but it is your wedding and do what you like, and just relax it will be fun and the little things will all fix them selves, the weddings i have had things to do with the bride and groom but the cake once but then the caters do the actual cutting and serving

Stifler's - posted on 02/10/2011

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Are you having a rehearsal? Is it in a church or like in a park or at the beach? Because the pastor told us where to stand and went through the service the day before I don't know if celebrants do that?

Melissa - posted on 02/10/2011

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oh fiance also tells me my dads supposed to come in limo but theres no room unless my daughter does not go in the limo and she is a flower girl...

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