Parents keep child's gender a secret

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Sarah - posted on 05/25/2011

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Why do some people think they have to try SOOO damn hard to be unique? Need attention much?

I think this whole thing is stupid. There's no denying what is between his/her legs. In this child's case he/she is either a boy or a girl. Bottom line. If you don't want to raise your child in a stereotypical kind of way, then allow them to choose gender neutral toys, clothes, hairstyles, whatever. I don't give a crap if my 20 month old son plays with my makeup, my purse, or his My Little Pony. But, at the end of the day, he's still a male. I don't have to hide that fact from anybody to prove a point that I don't care what "gender" he prefers.

Isobel - posted on 05/25/2011

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a) Rebecca, I'm pretty sure they live IN Kensington Market (directly above a head shop)...where else could they possibly be?



b) This reminds me of an episode of Wife Swap that I saw once where the parents were goths. They kept telling their kids that they didn't HAVE to conform to society and they could be WHOEVER they wanted to be.



It turned out that the boy had wanted to cut his hair and play hockey for years without being "able" to disappoint his parents.



Being this extreme in your tactics will lead to even more bias and skewing of the results IMHO.



(but I don't think they're doing anything seriously wrong to the child)



except I guess...that our job is to PREPARE our children for the world they are going to live in as adults...and I'm not sure they're doing that.

Stifler's - posted on 05/23/2011

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Idiots. Everyone knows I have a boy and yeah I get trucks and a play lawnmower and stuff for him but he also has pink sippy cups, mostly yellow, green and red clothes and a pink stroller with his "baby" to push around because I don't care. I don't need to hide his gender.

Sarah - posted on 05/25/2011

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I haven't read all the posts, so I don't know if this has already been said, but here is what I think:

The parents are withholding the sex of Storm so as not to have people influencing his choice of gender. Is that right? They want Storm to be able to embrace whoever (s)he feels that (s)he is. They want Storm to have that choice. I totally get that, BUT, they had to know that doing this would put them in the spotlight of the media. By trying to raise a "genderless" child, they have, in essence, taken away Storm's chance at a "normal" (by this I mean out of the spotlight) childhood. So, by wanting to give Storm a choice (the gender part), they have taken away another choice (the chance to be "normal," once again, out of the spotlight normal). It seems to me that the parents are doing this to make a statement, to get attention for their cause. While I understand what they are trying to do, I can't condone putting your baby in the line of the media. You (general you) gotta know that people are going to want to know more about this story down the line. And if people want to know, the media will be all over it, cause it will sell.

As for the older boys, it is just hard for me to believe that they BOTH gravitate toward stereotypical feminine toys, clothes, etc, without any cajoling (whether unknowingly or not) from the parents. I also can't quite stomach the fact that both boys are being ask to lie/withhold for the parents. Its like the parents are saying, yes, children, be whoever you want to be and don't conform to society and don't be ashamed, but hey now were going to hide your little siblings gender. I understand that the point is to not have any influencing factors in Storms life, but the concepts of being unashamed and hiding are completely contradictory, and would be confusing to a child. I don't know, I just think this is cruel to the kids.

Sal - posted on 05/24/2011

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the thing that i hope is that they (the parents) have enough sence to teach the baby about its sex as it grows older, i can only imagine the trauma of a girl to find out that not only is she not a boy like her brothers or in fact that she has a gender but that she landed the jackpot and is going to get her period and like it or lump it she can't change that or choose not to have it, i really think that it is a shame that they are not going to embrace have a girl in the house or cherish the all masculine house they have, ik adore my rough boy, love my soft gentle nephew, adore having my girly girls and love watching my tomboy neices in the shed with pop, each child is a beautiful indvidual and by playing these silly games they aren't really enjoying what they have they are making it into some sort of side show, by making it not about the sex of the child they have made it only about the sex of the baby, it is like a self forfilling phrophercy, people like thses parents are often so adament they are"open minded" they are completely closed minded to more mainstream ideas

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Teresa - posted on 06/12/2011

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I think it is a really dumb idea and a heartless experiment on a human being. Why should a child NOT be treated according to their gender? Let them be who they are naturally and see how it works out.

Desiree - posted on 06/09/2011

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We just published this story here in south africa, My hubby asked me exactly what the parents are smoking, because all they going to do is confuse the child. I tend to agree. Either the child is a boy or a girl and you can't change anything or the way the child will be unless the child was born with both sexs (which is uncommon but not unheard of) and they don't want anyone to know. I find it particularly nuts and opens the child for years of torment from other kids as he/she wouldn't be able to identify with his/her peers.

Chasity - posted on 06/08/2011

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They must be pot smokin hippies, LOL this is the biggest crock ever, there child will grow up being so very confused as to why he/she is refereed to as It. seems odd but if the picture on the article is correct the older brother who is hugging storm is a boy but at first I thought a girl cause of the braids, perhaps the family is confused on this topic on gender???

[deleted account]

I think it's much more emotionally stable for a child to grow up knowing that boys and girls are different and there are special things about being a boy and being a girl, and to have positive male and female role models to follow. A boy is still anatomically and physiologically a boy even if he likes to play with dolls and vice versa. I think these children are just going to grow up confused, bullied, and eventually hating their parents.

Jakki - posted on 05/28/2011

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I think it sounds interesting - I'm fascinated in the way people treat babies and kids differently depending on their sex, and how this might affect the way the kids see themselves etc etc

I'd like to watch the documentary that no doubt is being made about this family.

[deleted account]

I think yes its different.I don't understand it..I admit that.Maybe its my ignorance of the whole situation.I am sure they love there children as much as we love our kids.No doubt about that.I just can't help but feel, its using the kids and making them a laughing stock in a sense..guinea pigs.



It just does not sit well with me.Each to there own.That i do respect.I don't agree personally.I hope what ever there trying to achieve works out for them.



I have two girls..one is so in to princess&pink etc.My first born is a sports girl.She understands its not typical as its said to her.She loves the girl she is.It maybe not your typical girl but she does not see it that way nor do i.I am open about things with her.I don't shield her away from things.I want her to be proud of being a female.Were all different.I had her a complete pink and fluffy child, until she could pick what she wanted etc and i was cool with that.It will only work for so long.

Sal - posted on 05/27/2011

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the thing i don;t understand is everyone saying that the child can be who they want without socities gender influances.....the thing is they can;t choose a gender....as an adult you may choose to change your gender but if the baby is just a normail healthy child and there has been nothing to say otherwise there is everychance that the child will be one gender and choose to associate with that gender, the thing i think people are forgetting that the boy/girl gender typical stereotypes are infact steorotypes for a good reason, boys are boyish and girls are girlish, there are vast degrees to each and some people fall in the middle some are the the extreme pink and fluffy end or the blue tough end but we all fall onto the scale somewhere, and i think our worl today is so more accepting than when we were children doing this experiment then or even in our parents childhoods might of had some amazing results but now if a girl wants to wear fairy wings on the weekend and fight in the army during the week thats ok, if a guy wants to be a florist and drive monster trucks thats fine too, i think that they are making a lot of fuss in the name of forward thinking but really are setting themselves up as a reality tv show in the waiting, but for the record getting the cpa involved it a bit extreme

Candace - posted on 05/27/2011

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I would like to know what their true logic is. They have admitting that one of their boys goes in public dressed as a girl and gets made fun of. Are they trying to get their kids made fun of ridiculed and unliked and most of all hurt. Or they trying to confuse them. I guess we are all allowed to live how we want but I just don't get it.

Mrs. - posted on 05/27/2011

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Yeah, well I just saw a link from a friend in England about the story on facebook. Apparently, the mother is emailing the BBC? Sounds like she's a real wallflower.

Jenny - posted on 05/27/2011

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I didn't read the rest of the thread before I posted.

"since your gender is a big part of the human experience and a part of what makes up what we call "ourselves". "

They are still their same gender and sex. We are born that way. We would have fewer issues if we were allowed to just be ourselves and not have society try to set expectations on what that is.

I don't get the feeling they are doing it for the attention. I feel they have good intentions and I hope everything works out well for their family.

Mrs. - posted on 05/27/2011

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Yeah....I'm pretty sure no one is finds it worrying because it is just "different". Several of us have said, we've got no problem with "different". It is more that the parents seem to be putting their "experiment" ahead of their kid's childhoods.

I'm pretty sure if they volunteered to be in a story, to go public in print or on the internet about this "experiment" that they were indeed looking for attention, to spread their ideas and their family's decision.

I think what several people have said is that, in fact, they aren't being given the chance to "just be themselves" since your gender is a big part of the human experience and a part of what makes up what we call "ourselves".

Jenny - posted on 05/27/2011

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Yes, I don't see what is abusive about it. The child is not being restricted in any way. The child has a chance to just be themselves and not have a part of that predefined. If only we could all be so lucky. The only obstacles are the ones we put up because it's unfamiliar. Just because it is different doesn't mean it's wrong.

[deleted account]

I agree, Jenny. I don't understand why everyone is calling them ridiculous and extreme, and abusive? Really? THAT was extreme. They're just not telling people their child's sex. I think everyone is making it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Maybe they're not trying to get attention. Maybe they wish everyone would stop making it a bigger deal than it needs to be? Maybe? I dunno....

Jenny - posted on 05/27/2011

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I think it's much ado about nothing really. It will be interesting to see how the absence of society's gender norms and expectations will affect the child's development.

Emilie - posted on 05/27/2011

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Yeah, I think the baby looks like a boy, but Jazz the older brother looks like a girl. I realize that he wants his hair long but do they have to braid it?!

Emilie - posted on 05/27/2011

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I was just talking to my mom today about this and she thinks that either the parents are just trying to get attention, or maybe the baby has both parts maybe it is a hermaphadite. I am not trying to be mean by saying that either but maybe the parents are keeping the gender a secret because they don't want people to know that the baby has a birth defect (just a thought). Or maybe this is just a big hoax and her friends and family actually does know the sex.

Isobel - posted on 05/27/2011

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oh yeah...I could tell they were both boys from the first picture I saw...they live in my city, maybe I should send them some blue clothes

[deleted account]

Sad.We are the parents of our children.Although many forget the child is there own individual also.I can't help but feel this is very selfish of the parents.

I think its sad to do this.You can were clothes not pink or blue etc Play with toys not gender pacific.Why go to the extreme.

This is obviously going to only work to a certain age.

[deleted account]

wow. . . Now this is just MY personal opinion. But i think thats really weird and definitely would never do anything like that. I mean i get the reasoning behind it but to actually do it. . . hmm weird. That baby is super cute tho and i think its a boy haha

[deleted account]

wow. . . Now this is just MY personal opinion. But i think thats really weird and definitely would never do anything like that. I mean i get the reasoning behind it but to actually do it. . . hmm weird. That baby is super cute tho and i think its a boy haha

Jodi - posted on 05/26/2011

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Lacye, it was on the second page :) So likely you may not have seen it. That's why I bumped it for you, so you could read the responses so far!!

Sal - posted on 05/25/2011

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i have read and re-read this artical and i makes less sence to me evrytime, the father says if you want to get to know someone you don;t ask whats between their legs, true enough, you usually don;t have to ask, you see me you see my e cup knockers and the matter of whats between my legs is pretty clear (unless your a drag queen or transgender but that is w whole other thread) people usually only question what they don't know, he said as soon as you announce the sex of a baby a stream of pink or blue happens.....i can't see how this family would care, the boys do pretty much as they like anyway, i couldn;t imagaine strangers in the street thrusting a pink beany on the poor thing as they walk past, and the family's freinds and family are pretty open to the way of the family so i see that as a cop out too, they also have a portifolio of work for a 5 year old who calls him self the gender explorer......are they shitting me, like a 5 year old thinks of that shit bythem selves, yes they ask questions but really!!!!!! it seems more and more to me that maybe the older son might have a gender issue (can;t think of the right term) and now they want the whole family to be gender nutral so he feels less odd.....to a point a can feel for them if that is a case it is a tough situation and one i am glad i don;t have experience in, but making all the kids the same is wrong....you don;t get all the kids leg cut off just because one had an accident....
my nephew has long hair and i wish his mum would cut it,,,,,(she won;t and again a whole other thread) but he is never mistaken for a girl, he is a bloke even in nappies, my daughter had her hair cut off like a mans (she actaully asked for a hair cut like daddies) and a few time people said boy but really who cares, i just would call her by name and people got it this family really has my mind going over time

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/25/2011

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OMG Laura, I saw that episode of wife swap....I just thought they were stubborn losers that needed to go down to the local park and have fake sword fights with foam swords. They were conforming in a way they could not even understand. I was so glad that kid was rebelling against his parents idiocy.

Tyrae - posted on 05/25/2011

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@Marina - I just meant that I won't buy her dolls JUST because she is a girl. Sorry I should have put that in there :) In full meaning I am only saying that I won't be forcing her into the "girl" norm, that what ever se wants to be she can be. :)

Amber - posted on 05/25/2011

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I don't think they are trying to prove that they don't care. I think they are trying to make sure that family and friends who DO care don't get the chance to influence them.

It's overboard. And I think just letting kids pick toys, clothes, friends..is enough. But I do understand not wanting other people shaping your child in ways that you don't agree with.

Jenn - posted on 05/25/2011

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So when talking about their boys, do they not say "he", "him" and "his"? What about when the siblings refer to one another? A friend of mine has a boy w
ith long hair who enjoys dressing in whatever he wants and often it is fairy wings or pink...he knows he's a boy and gladly shares that info with others. My daughter's best friend since 11months old is a boy and she knows that she can do anything he can do...and she does. My youngest daughter does not like pink...she loves blue and wears only blue some days. I allow them to be who they are withoutbeing secretive about who they are. I think it sends a very mixed message to the children that their parents hide their gender from everyone. Humans like to be able to identify with everything and everyone in life...it is natural and what those parents are doing creates such stress, confusion and unnecessary controversy. I found it interesting how the author felt the need to point out so much about the family that is irrelevant to their story but certainly puts them in a light that creates labels and assumptions...clearly two things the parents loathe!

[deleted account]

What do you think will happen to him when he's older? I don't understand how not telling other people is somehow damaging his psyche? They're not denying his sex.....they're just not telling other people.

LadyJane - posted on 05/25/2011

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I can definitely understand these parents at least to a point. Not telling some people the gender can avoid some terms you don't want to associate with your baby. Perhaps you don't want your baby girl or boy to be labeled with gender titles, that's fine. I've done this myself when asked the gender of my baby if they weren't wearing specific gender outfits... I understand lots of people are interested when they see babies, but really why is the first question people ask is what gender they are? I tend to respond with the fact that at least they're healthy. So I can understand to a point the reasoning behind keeping the gender from strangers, neighbors, etc. but keeping the gender from the child, I'm not so sure that's ok.

Bonnie - posted on 05/25/2011

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Dana, I just feel they can still let him where all colours of clothing, play with any toy, etc. What I don't understand is, what is this going to do to him when he is older?

[deleted account]

How can they do the same thing without hiding his sex, Bonnie? The more people that know, the more people that can potentially influence the situation.

I'm not saying that I can't see the fallacies with this experiment, but I do think that everyone is making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. It's interesting, not ridiculous.

Bonnie - posted on 05/25/2011

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I think this is odd. I don't see a point in it. They could easily do the same without hiding his gender. I just don't see what this is going to do to the poor kid when he is older. How will he handle it then.

April - posted on 05/25/2011

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I see it as an experiment that already isn't working. Clearly the 5 year old dislikes being confused for a girl. His feelings are so strong that he is afraid to go to school. Someone else said it here, the parents are trying to hard to raise genderless children that they are actually bringing MORE attention to the child's gender.

It doesn't matter that Storm's gender is a secret because it is all people are focusing on anyway. In the case of the older boys, society has already assigned them a gender and that gender is female. The same thing will probably happen to Storm. People will just start making up their minds. The messages the parents didn't want Storm to receive will be received anyway. It's simply an experiment that already isn't working in their family.

[deleted account]

How can they say they are encouraging a child to embrace who they are if they are hiding one major physical aspect?

I think they are more concerned about being judged themselves if they allow a boy to do or wear "girl" things and vice versa.

To me, what they are doing, is a total contradiction to what they claim they want to achieve.

Charlie - posted on 05/25/2011

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"I'm pretty sure you can let your kids pick their clothes and activities and haircuts without withholding this information. "

Exactly which is why i said it is a little overboard , a lot of aparents already do not define gender in their homes without even knowing it but they do not withold sex of the child .

Sal - posted on 05/24/2011

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and when i spoke to friends about this today they all wanted to know where the reality show was going to start, they all thought it a media stunt to market them selves

Lady Heather - posted on 05/24/2011

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I'm pretty sure you can let your kids pick their clothes and activities and haircuts without withholding this information. My brother was in ballet for most of his childhood. He was also a vocal jazz star. And he was the best volleyball player at school. How on earth did he manage to do all these different things with the weight of knowing he was male hanging so heavily on him? omg he even had his own My Little Pony! And I played with trucks!

People don't make children be one thing or the other. A tomboy is going to be a tomboy and a girly girl is going to love pink ruffles. Trust me, I watched my uncle try to make each of his four girls into a boy and it never worked. It wasn't the outside world that turned them. They were just that way. This is a giant mess waiting to happen. Poor kids should not be the unwitting subjects of social experiments.

Mrs. - posted on 05/24/2011

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Loureen, I get that lots of cultures embrace a boy with braids. However, I live in Toronto and I can tell you....I've never seen it here.

I get how this study or that study said this about gender roles etc...interesting theories to study in the classroom and explore with adults.

Do I want these children to test them out at the detriment of their early development, nope.

Joanna - posted on 05/24/2011

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I understand what they're trying to do, but I agree that the child should embrace who they are and be proud of their gender.

I'm sure if my oldest was given a choice, she'd identify more with being a boy - she loves all the "boy" stuff, we shop in the boy section often. But she makes sure to tell everyone she is a girl (and that her favorite color is dark blue).

Charlie - posted on 05/24/2011

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I agree they may be doing this to push their own agenda although I disagree that the hair or the photo's on the net is the issue for the child or that it will be a source of emotional struggle , long hair has nothing to do with being transgendered or wanting to be in fact you may be interested to know most islander children will never have their hair cut before 5 years old and boys often wear it in braids .

I don't see what the fuss is about the way they look , so far the children have chosen their own clothes and hairstyle as individuals.
See I think it may be possible to say " you are male " to the child without adding gender to the mix ..... See the boys will grow to know that they are male biologically however they may choose to have braids because that hasnt been defined for them as a feminine aspect it is simply what they choose as an individual free from society's constraints .

Several studies show boys and girls will gravitate towards certain toys / games I don't think hiding their gender will stop that unless the parents are unknowingly "guiding" them towards things that generally attract the opposite sex ...thats not to say the kids wont want to play dress ups in princess dresses , most boys will , I witnessed this everyday teaching 5 year olds however they always go back to " typical" boy games ...Oh I have seen many castles dozed down by trucks while wearing a dress LOL .

I really think the whole thing is overboard with these parents and given the children will be unschooled anyway I do wonder what outside influence from society they will get .

Mrs. - posted on 05/24/2011

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Here's my post from the last page in which I explain it, I'm too tired to explain again why it concerns me.

"Let's just put it this way. That picture of the older child in braids, looking like a little girl is on the net forever....for all his classmates, co-workers to see later in life.

This kid, the older one, is being set up by his parents to painful ridicule and emotional struggles that he may not have had to face if they didn't have their heads up their asses. Sure, normal kids get teased....but a little boy who has no idea that his peers don't all wear tutus and boas is bound to get teased a lot more. This is a set up that will create shame and a lack of trust, at first in his peers/society, then probably towards his family.

I think they are taking advantage of their kid for their own agenda.

It is one thing if the kid is truly trans, or has the syndrome in which your chromosomes are male but your genitalia is female...but this is an "experiment". Thanks, but childhood is challenging enough to be running experiments on your kids."

Mrs. - posted on 05/24/2011

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Did some of you read the whole article? The most disturbing thing about it is not so much the baby...who really cares it is still a baby...it is the other kids.

If their older children are an indication of how this will turn out, I feel for that baby too.

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