Parents may be the cause of their child's bullying

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/29/2011 ( 39 moms have responded )

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http://www.news.com.au/national/over-pro...

A bullying 'expert' claims that parents may be the cause of their child's bullying and as someone who was bullied I'd like to tell the expert what I think. I did fight back and that solved nothing. And my parents were supportive but they were far from over protective.

So I'm wondering what the rest of you all think. And I appologize for the lack of opening post, I'm really tired because of my baby.

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[deleted account]

This guy has his head up his ass, IMHO. I remember my brother being bullied 30 years ago. Bullies pick on anyone they can pick on. It doesn't matter what that victim's parents are like. The bully is targeting the kid, not the parent. I agree that most bullies don't act alone, either --- they have the consent and tolerance (and sometime encouragement) of others.

Personally, I've always found bullies to be complete and total cowards who only pick on kids who don't stand up for themselves. Of course, I was quick to throw a punch as a kid and anyone who tried to bully me quickly found themselves on the receiving end of a punch to the face. So I wasn't bullied much at all. However, my brother did put up with a lot of shit because he wasn't the type of kid to fight back. Considering that we both had the same parents, I don't think our parents treatment of us made a difference.

I will state that I think that some parents create bullies because they are bullies themselves and they condone the behavior.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/20/2011

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Nicole, I don't like the idea that any child should be allowed to be hurt by another child because they think it's ok. I have ADD and bi polar and I was in special ed classes and I'm overweight and kids thought it was ok to pick on me.

I'm tired of people saying oh kids will be kids. I have a cousin whose son has a serious head injury because another boy in youth group 'took a dare' to drop my cousin's son on his head. And the father told my cousin's wife that 'boys will be boys' and 'his son was taught not to turn down a dare'. Which is ridiculous and rather sad coming from an adult.

In my daughter's brownie group we taught the girls about how bullying and just mean words hurt someone and as leaders we told about how we were bullied and how it hurt us. In my daughter's grade one class the teacher told a story about the crumpled heart and tells the class that mean words lose friends. I wish more was done when I was in school because I still suffer from being bullied so much.

Stifler's - posted on 12/02/2011

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I believe bullying is caused by low self esteem and it sounds stupid but a person who is secure within themselves isn't going to go around trying to make others feel like shit. Kids who are affected by bullying also have low self esteem.

[deleted account]

On a more serious note, I'd like to share something that recently happened to my son. A boy called his (my son's) 'girlfriend' a slut. My son is a 6th grader, BTW. My son in response (ah, preteen hormones) got in the boy's face and had him backed against a wall, threatening him not to say that about her again. He didn't physically touch the other boy and to his credit his was trying to defend the honor of his so-called girlfriend. First of all, why on earth are 6th graders labeling their classmates as sluts?? I asked my son what it meant and he didn't even know, he just said that it sounded bad!

Was it kind of touching and honorable that he was defending her honor? Sure, I smiled inside. However... asking the boy to stop calling her names and backing him into a corner are two very different things! I really felt like my son was dangerously close to BEING the bully . And, this is where parenting becomes so very important. It's MY job to discipline my son appropriately, to explain WHY he reacted improperly, HOW he can behave differently the next time he is faced with a similar situation.

Most importantly, whatever happened to the Golden Rule, Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?? It is the basic rule I adhere to when raising my son to be a truly good person.

Sylvia - posted on 12/02/2011

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Well, he may not be to blame for past bullying, but if people are buying the cr@p he's selling, he may well be to blame for future bullying :P

What an asshat.

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[deleted account]

There are a lot of contributing factors to bullying and every kid will be affected by the various factors differently. I also think a lot of people claim to be "experts" when they really have only maybe read about it or seen one case and just want publicity or to not seem stupid.
However, at least where I live, there is a zero tolerance policy for physical violence in schools. If you are violent, even if you did not start the fight, you will get suspended. This is particularly true for kids who are members of racial minority groups or who are low-income who are generally over represented among kids affected by such policies and are often not given exceptions as much as white kids.
I do not think that you should advocate violence as a resolution to problems in school, such as being bullied, because once your child becomes a teenager and adult that could land them in legal troubles. I also think that parents should not jump in every time their child has a problem with another child and instead try and teach their child age-appropriate and realistic tools for handling conflict in a non-violent way. That being said, I have told my son that if you try non-violent resolutions, like walking away, telling a teacher, etc. and the child keeps physically harming you then you have a right to physically defend yourself as well.

Sara - posted on 01/16/2014

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I think the bullying issue is a really tough one. I think helping our kids through the inevitable starts with talking about emotions at a very young age . Letting our kids know that we hear them, that they are valid, may keep them from acting out against those they perceive as weaker.

Are the bullies bosses around at home a lot? Do they feel out of control? We must start the process of preventing bullying very early, not when the bullying starts.

My son is 2.5 and we make a point to talk about how people might be feeling in certain age appropriate situations. Like at the park if a child is crying, my son hones in on it.. He'll say "he's crying mama?", and I'll say "hmm yes.. Why do you think he might be sad?". He has shown great perspective and insight in these situations, and shows a great deal of empathy. He has anxiety about other kids but seems that from afar he has the ability to connect.

I think bullies are so sad inside and I describe them that way to my son. Our kids are a mirror of us, but also their own person. Imagine if someone forced you to do something against your will for a large part of your life (ie naughty step, time out)? Wouldn't you respond in kind against someone who you CAN respond that way to? As a little kid we can't really risk our parents not loving us, by bullying them, but those feelings go somewhere and then bubble out when we're stressed.

I'm not blaming anyone for bullying, as I think there will always be bullies, but maybe we can make a difference by starting to foster empathy from a very young age?

Nicole - posted on 12/20/2011

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I understand what you're saying Rebecca. We do tend to repeat learned behaviors until we are taught differently.

I just have an issue with society or "experts" placing blame on victims. That is easy to do, but it doesn't help the problem. Making awareness that bullying is wrong, helps the victims to know that it is wrong, not their fault, and that they have to right to rise above it. As well, it helps individuals with more confidence and strong ethics to stand up for (not with violence or fellow bullying) those being bullied. Even if it is just telling an adult about the bullying. It also helps those doing the bullying know that their actions are not okay and not just a "right of passage".

Anyway, while bullying will never go away (even if it were my wish), teaching children that bullying happens and that we should all accept it and fight back, in a sense, makes it "okay". I think teaching our children confidence is great, but so is teaching them that bullying is not acceptable.

But, I still can't help but have the feeling that my child with autism shouldn't have to deal with another child who feels it's okay to hurt someone else. When does it stop? It would be really easy for me to tell my son to punch the kid in the nose (since he is so literal and takes most everything to heart), but since the kid is a girl, that would go over much worse. And where would it end? I'm sure that my boy punching a girl would create quite a stir, while my son crying because this girl is telling everyone she can to not be friends with my son (as if making friends for an autistic child isn't difficult enough) isn't creating any problems for the school, no one cares. That's my issue. As is the case in most bullying issues. Not enough people take a stand against bullying. It can't be left up to the bullied child. If they were able, they wouldn't have been bullied, in the first place. And there is ALWAYS going to be at least one child, even if it is a disabled child like mine, who is an easy target for bullying. So, dealing with bullying as an issue, rather than treating the bullied victim as the issue, makes more sense to me...

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/20/2011

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Nicole, thankfully for your son it's socially unacceptable to bully people like that.

Alfreda - posted on 12/20/2011

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I think there are a lot of factors in bullying. In my case, I was shy and a girl who would rather play with the boys and cared little for hair, fashion and makeup. Plus I was an over achiever in a small town. That was my own personality. That being said, my parents did not help. My mother was anti-social, so I was not socialize until I went to kindergarten, by which point the children in my small town had already formed cliques and I was an outsider. My mother also liked that I was shy because if she did take me somewhere, i would just sit on her lap, so she encouraged me to be shy and never pushed me. She also has anxiety issues that she never addressed and so had empathy for my anxiety, thus taking away every opportunity for me to push past it. My husband was the opposite, he would never pander to my anxiety, but would push me out of my comfort zone and make me learn to do things for myself. As a result, now although I do get anxious, I just do what needs to be done, even if my heart is beating a million miles a minute and I feel like throwing up. I accept m anxiety, and proceed anyway. Eventually, the anxiety becomes less prominent, and I am proud of myself for accomplishing something that scared me. Personally, I think I would have been bullied anyway. I tried standing up to them, I tried ignoring them. Nothing worked. I just gave up and put up a wall. I knew that when I graduated from high school, I would leave this town and everything would be better. That was the case. University was completely different. I had tons of friends and everybody I met loved me. Plus my bullies did not grow up to be bullies. Some even apologized for what they were like as kids, and now we are facebook friends. I found forgiving them allowed me to move on and get over it. That was just life in a small town. My case was a special case though. There were 13 people in my graduating class, and everybody worked in the saw mill. I know my main bully was insecure, and perhaps had some difficulty at home. I knew this even while it was happening, I understood exactly what was happening, just didn't know how to diffuse it. I just hope my kids don't have the same issues. All I can do is educate myself with as much information as possible and hope I can pull out the right tools if it happens. I also do try and push my children out of their comfort zone, and I have started taking them on play dates when they were 5 days old, so they grew up exposed to other children. Time will tell.

Mrs. - posted on 12/18/2011

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Nicole, I think it is possible to believe that while parenting may have not a lot to do with some bullied children, like those children with autism, it might have something to do with some kids and their parents.

I don't think it is black and white. You can believe that in SOME cases, kids have been beaten down at home or are modelling a parent's behaviour and that it might contribute to their individual cases of bullying AND still believe that in some cases it doesn't apply.

I can tell you, in my own case, my home life set me up for some "bullying" type relationships when I was in my teens and twenties. I did not get bullied at school (most people were either scared of my mouth or my brother), I got bullied at home, by my brother, who used to beat the hell out of me. My parents, because of their own damaged upbringings, did not stop this. Later on, I know a certain type of guy seemed to "find" me and they were usually abusive type relationships. I'm pretty damn sure, although these men were to blame for their part, to this type of guy I was an easy read...I read like a girl who was used to being beaten and having no one stand up for her. I've since has a lot of therapy and worked on those relationship with my parents. When I started to do that, I started to be less of a target for those type of guys.

Now, I see it as my responsibility as a parent to model confident behaviour to my girl. If my kid was being bullied, I would take that opportunity to do a bit of inventory on what I was teaching her by my own actions and behaviours. If I found that this was just an individual case in which the bully finding my kid had shit all to do with my parenting, I would leave it at that.

It is all individual.

Nicole - posted on 12/18/2011

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So, for those of you who believe that the home life or personality of the child being bullied has (even some) blame in their bullying, what would you have me say to my child with autism??? He has no understanding of social cues or how to handle them, but he is aware that someone is being mean to him (since he is not treated that way at home) and it hurts his feelings and self-esteem. But, he would have no idea how to turn it back onto the bully, since he totally botches jokes because he has no understanding of punchlines or humor in the general public. He would come off the same way if he were to try do "dish it back" to a bully. And most likely, receive harsher bullying tactics. The problem lies with the bully!!!

Blaming a socially awkward, geeky, introverted, shy, unpopular, etc. kid for their bullying is like blaming a spouse for their abuse in their marriage, a woman's dress for her rape, a child's parents for taking their eyes off of their deceased and/or missing/molested child for a second, etc. Come on! Plus, teaching a child to bully back (however small), is teaching them vigilante justice, IMO...

Nicole - posted on 12/18/2011

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This expert is a douche! He implies that kids should become intelligent and make friends so they won't be bullied? All of my children are very good at making friends and, according to their teachers and test scores, they are above average intelligence. Except one of my four. My second child, while exceptionally intelligent, does not make friends hardly at all. He has autism and is very socially awkward. He has been bullied several times and it has always taken calls to the school to correct the situation. I swore I'd never be one of those over-protective moms, but then, life gave our family a wonderful child with autism.

My point: Why are we blaming the bullied children (or even the way their parents are raising them) instead of teaching children that we should accept everyone. Yes, I agree, bullying usually happens to a child because the bully can. Bullied children usually have a hard time making friends, feel like they can't (or won't) stand up for themselves, etc. but, that makes it okay for some mean kid to bully them??? What kind of logic is that? I think that kind of mentality breeds tyrants, racists, spouse-beaters, etc.

Now, I'm going to read the comments and see if there is anything else to add...

Mrs. - posted on 12/18/2011

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It's funny, people are very quick to blame the parents of the bully when there is a problem, not so much the other way around.

It seems that most of the folks here who were bullied don't feel that their parents and what kind of messages they sent them about their value in the world has nothing to do with them being a victim of bullies. That's cool, I tend to believe you because, after all, you lived it.

However, I'm not sure this is true in ALL cases. I think there are a lot of kids out there who because they are bullied at home, become easy targets at school Or because dad bullies mom, the same thing happens at soccer practice.

All I'm saying is, just because some of you might have been bullied and your home life was stellar — it doesn't mean that is the case with everyone. I believe it is possible to create a home life that leaves some children more open to be victimized.

[deleted account]

Kids should be taught to stick up for themselves and never to put up with bad treatment of others. Parents who tell their kids to ignore bullies are very socially naive to think that will help the situation.
Ignoring a bullies teasing, harassment and even physical abuse will not make the problem better, it will make it worse, as the bully will see that they dont have enough self respect to try to defend themselves, which makes them have even less respect and less fear of repurcussions or being punished for their bullying.
If its physical bullying, a child should be able to retaliate appropriately to defend themselves, and if the bully has unfair advantage something should be done by parents to stop it hapening.
Teasing and harassment bullying? Give it back to them, dont ever tease for no reason, never harass a person who has done nothing to you, but if a kid is getting picked on, be nasty back, be as nasty and as personal as you need to be to get the bully off your back. Nothings off limits, figure out their weakness, what cuts them deeply, what they are insecure about, once a person is hurt and embarassed by your words, they will be too scared to pick on you for fear of your hurtful remarks.
There is nothing wrong will self preservation. If a bully can dish it out they will cop it back wont they?

Tam - posted on 12/03/2011

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I believe this argument delves straight into the 'nature versus nurture' debate that has been going on for decades, if not centuries.

When I was younger, I was bullied quite a bit. I told my parents some of what went on, but by and large I tried dealing with things myself. That sort of seems to be human nature, I think. I didn't want my folks to think that I was 'weak'. However, when I told my mom some things the girl who was constantly on my case would say, she'd respond with something like "Well, why didn't you say this?" and follow it up with a witty rejoinder.

At that point in my life, I didn't have the self confidence to stand up for myself, pure and simple. I was the nerdy quiet type who didn't care about fashion or popular media and because of my lack of concern, it drew ire from those who revolved around the celebrity of the day, I think.

And when I hit high school, I was largely ignored and still isolated aside from my very small group of friends. After high school, I joined the military. And believe me, I grew a thick skin fast.

After having spent nearly a decade in the military environment, I have come to a conclusion, though. Bullies don't go away. They don't magically become responsible adults. No, they just transition to the workplace and keep their bad habits. I've met and dealt with so many people that, had it been in a school environment, would be considered bullies. Things don't change when we grow up - there are still cliques, exclusions, and people who snub those who are different.

To address those who think it is media that is to blame, I must respectfully disagree. I was bullied quite a bit in my childhood and being a military brat, it was (and still is) hard for me to form friendships beyond surface acquaintances. Most of my leisure time growing up was spent along, either reading, drawing, writing, or playing video games. ESPECIALLY video games. They provided me with an escape from the real world much the same as a book or a movie, but with more immersion. I'll admit, there were times where the games took too much of my time that could have been better spent doing something else, but the same thing can go for any other leisure activity out there. And I am not a violent person, nor is my husband, who is also an avid gamer. Yes, I joined the military, but I did so because I love my country and I wanted to make my family proud. I was in the Navy for six years before I qualified on firearms. Even though I find shooting fun, I do not own any guns nor will I have them in the house with my children so young.

All my rambling aside, the only answer I have come up with in regards to bullying is this: We can only govern our own actions. We honestly cannot force those around us to act a certain way, barring illegal acts. Because of my experience with bullying, I have taken great pains to instill behavior to my children that will enable them to think through and cope with your average bully. I am all for the kids navigating their own way through their ups and downs, but they understand that there are some things that are better left to adults to intervene on.

I hope that was coherent enough. My mind is all over the place these days.

[deleted account]

This a bit like the chicken or the egg argument...is the kid bullied because he/she has low self-esteem or does low self-esteem happen because of bullying.

[deleted account]

This virtually illustrates what I posted...children hear everything even when they're supposed to be asleep or engrossed elsewhere, what they hear their parents say is then transferred to the playground EVEN WHEN THEY DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT THEY'RE SAYING...the word sounds good as does the F word and they hear their parents and other adults use it, so they want to be grown up. I know when my children were younger they suffered at school because I was in a community that was very vocal about what I did or didn't do...no one truly knew what I did but that didn't matter. Their children picked up the criticism from the gossip sharing of their parents and then turned it on my kids in the playground.
I believe this is the way that EVERY parent can contribute to the bullying culture, because as I said, children imitate what they see and hear and delight in their new found knowledge even if it is a fabrication of gossip and lies. We as parents MUST stop criticising others its the only way to begin to make a dent in what is happening at schools.

[deleted account]

I remember at a park once.Two kids who just met.As i was there i was observing this child while i was walking around with my own to kids going to the swings etc.He pushed one child away and said "I'm next".The child looked at his mom.She said stick up for yourself son.

What happened next? the child who was pushed hit back and the bully turned right around and punched him in the face.



This young boy was hurt a lot more for sticking up for himself.



We were all shocked.Sticking up for yourself can back fire , i witnessed it for myself.This was a once off meeting between two kids at a park.I tell my oldest to walk away and tell if anyone hits her or is mean.To protect her.

[deleted account]

Hi Meggy, firstly I'm sorry that you were bullied. I don't completely agree with experts on this subject, however, family life can precipitate bullying in children....I'm not blaming the parents but just the way social interactions happen. For instance, children learn from what they hear and see, and cannot readily differentiate between 'good natured jibing' and vicious attack. So I would begin by looking at the way those who the child sees most frequently act in private and in social situations. For instance, is there constant belittling (putting down) of another either who is present or absent. It may be 'good natured' as far as adults perceive but children view it differently, and when they imitate what they see with their friends it can well escalate into bullying. In my case, one group in my life felt that my coming from another country immediately meant that I wasn't as good as them, nothing I did was 'right', and it soon happened that I felt isolated. Yes, it was bullying, even though this group at the time believed it 'The Australian way'. Their chosen action meant that my confidence was eroded and I was isolated because I felt ridiculed by their friends and family. Now transfer this attitude to a child...can you see how family attitudes and social interaction can feasibly cause the bullying culture to be developed in a child's life?
If we can be more accepting of the differences in others, allowing them to enrich our lives, instead of becoming a point of ridicule, I believe that we will make huge inroads in the bullying culture that is thriving in our schools. We all have unique talents, and instead of being persecuted because, say, one is not interested in football etc, our talents should be celebrated for bringing a unique aspect into our lives. Even a supposedly 'vegetable' of a human has a unique offering to give to our lives. God bless.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/02/2011

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I am so there! I need someone to blame for 13 years of bullying. Might as well blame his dumb ass

[deleted account]

Wait, wait, wait...so, the answer to violence is VIOLENCE? Fair enough because I think this guy needs a good a$$ kicking from this over-protective mama bear.

Sylvia - posted on 12/02/2011

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Blaming the victim never makes sense. And yet we (collective we, as in people generally) continue to do it. It makes me so tired :P

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/02/2011

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Exactly Ashley. It's not the victim's fault or the victim's parents. It's the fault of the bully, the bully's parents and even the school if they did nothing to stop it.

[deleted account]

What would he say to the parents of a 12year old child that took his own life.He took it because he was bullied by a group of girls relentlessly.Why?, because he was Autistic.



My sister put up the article on FB this morning and boy was i so mad and so upset.



This idiot came to mind.

So what would he say"Parents its actually your fault he was bullied".Let me tell you if i ever met that man.:-0 grrrr



The fault lies with the children who get a kick out of being a bully.It can and most likely comes back to how there being raised IMHO.So he should go look into the other side of it and leave the bullied children and there parents out of it..Idiot

Sylvia - posted on 12/01/2011

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What a frakking idiot. WTF? I'm glad I'm not his kid :P

I don't think there are any more bullies than there used to be; bullying was certainly a prominent feature of life when I was a kid (I'm 37). I think what's changed is that fewer people consider bullying acceptable, or a regrettable but inevitable part of childhood, and more people consider it a problem that needs to be addressed. I am totally failing to see how that's a bad thing.

I'm all for a reduction in helicopter parenting, and I don't doubt that kids do exist who make tempting targets for bullies because their parents are overprotective and therefore they have not been able to develop certain necessary social skills. But to say that overprotective parents cause bullying is like saying that wearing short skirts causes rape. Lots of kids are bullied who don't have overprotective parents. Lots of kids were bullied back when an "overprotective" parent was one who made their kids wear a seatbelt in the car. Unless someone can show me convincing statistical evidence that there is less bullying in places where spanking is more common, I'm not buying this dude's argument.

I was bullied relentlessly from grade 4 through grade 9. In high school? Not at all, not once. What changed? Not me -- I was still smart, nerdy, into classical music, and dressed in hand-me-downs most of the time. What changed was that most of the kids who bullied me went to a different high school, and those that went with me grew up and/or lost their zeal for persecution and/or turned it elsewhere. (No, I never told my parents or my teachers. Are you kidding? In any case they would just have said "Just ignore them! If you don't react, they'll get bored and stop." Has that ever worked? Like, EVER?) Nothing to do with me at all.

This guy is full of ... you know.

[deleted account]

No parent is the cause of there child being bullied let me tell you.I think thats fecking stupid to say.I know what i would to him if i saw him in the school yard..lol..but seriously hes cracked.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/01/2011

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Yeah Emma pretty much. I'm starting today so she'll never get bullied. Riiiight. Then I'm selling my tropical island in the Yukon.

Stifler's - posted on 11/30/2011

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I'm sure beating my child to ensure they have no self esteem and resort to violence is the way to combat bullying. Pffft.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/30/2011

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The blaming the victims thing is sooo old school. Hope I can't believe this guy actually believes he should be allowed to charge for his bullshit methods!

Sherri - posted on 11/30/2011

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Oh please get a life mister!!! So now we are going to blame the victims.

Hope - posted on 11/30/2011

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Google his name!!! It is scary. He has a coarse, AU$4900 for a 5 day coarse to learn the " Demartini Method " travels all over the world teaching it.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/30/2011

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Sounds like this guy should learn how to be intelligent. Having a fancy degree doesn't make you an expert on everything

Lady Heather - posted on 11/30/2011

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This "expert" sounds like a tool. My parents were not like that and I was bullied. I was bullied because I was a shy, nerdy kid and I would have been that way no matter how I was parented. It's called my personality. Learn how to be intelligent and have friends? Wtf does that even mean?

My parents didn't even know I was bullied. I never let them know because I found it embarrassing. I'm sure if they'd known, they would have tried to help. But I doubt they would have told me to beat the other girls up to stop it.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/30/2011

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Jodi, you raise an interewsting point. I'm 30 myself and there were shedloads of bullies all through school. I had 2 teachers who were bullies and in high school when girls were threatening to drown me, kill me and spreading rumours about me being a lesbian and wanting to steal someone's boyfriend (because no one really checks their stories) my junior year was so bad that people were calling my house threatening me (thanks to a guy I'd gone out with ONCE who couldn't even break up with me in person and gave my number to his girlfriend because she'd wanted to 'talk with me') and we called the cops about it. It got bad enough in school that my mom and I had a meeting with the grade principal and the head principal. My head principal told my mom that my high school didn't have a bullying problem and that I brought it on myself.

He probably thought that because I wasn't popular, a cheerleader (like a few of my tormentors were) I was overweight, and in a few special ed classes at the beginning of high school because I have ADD and bi polar. Aw well I got my revenge on him about 8 years later when I was taking care of his aunt and uncle and his cousins told him what a wonderful person I was. I doubt he even knew who I was but I didn't care.

My mom told me to keep my head held high through everything and not to stoop to their level because it wouldn't solve anything. I got into one fight my 4 years of high school because of one girl who was friends with this guy's girlfriend. She yanked my hair out by the roots and was put on a 5 day suspension. Then I saw her in the grocery store where I worked and HER MOM encouraged her to go after me again! I looked right at her and said 'Go ahead, but I hope you enjoy being arrested because this isn't school, this is where I work.' I had another incident my senior year where another girl from school was harassing me at work. Security came up to her and said if she didn't have anything to do there she could either go home herself or in a police car.

The thing is bullying isn't going to go away unless people decide to take some serious action about it. And serious action isn't blaming the victims or the parents or even video games. The kid who had the idea to twist someone's arm or beat someone up had the idea long before he played something.

Jodi - posted on 11/30/2011

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The guy is a moron.

He hasn't considered that suicide feeds on suicide, feeds on suicide, and with the 24/7 media, the more sensational the suicide, the more attention, and it feeds copycat suicides. The media has a lot to answer for. Suicide tends to be sensationalised in the media, and instead of our sad young teens battling through their depression silently (which isn't good either), suicide has become the "popular" choice.

I am not meaning to trivialise the issue here, not in any way at all. But I believe this man has simplified an incredibly complex social issue.

On the issue about there not being as many bullies.....bullshit. The difference was that it was ignored and not dealt with. I am a 42 year old woman. And believe me, 30 years ago, bullying was rampant. I don't recall having much of an issue myself (sure, there were a lot of bitchy girls, I just stayed away from them and ignored it), but my brother was bullied severely. Ever had your head flushed in a toilet?

My husband has stories of being bullied when he was a mere 7-8 years old. HORRIFIC stories. Believe me, it happened. And it was ignored by dickheads who said "toughen up".

Sure, they toughened up because they had no choice in the matter. But 30 years later, those things are still with them.

There is no excuse for encouraging violence EVER. I mean really? This guy thinks that in the real adult world if someone bullies you, hitting them back is going to be the answer? Because that solves the problem? No, what you end up with is 2 people behind bars. If you want to teach your children to function constructively in the real world, it's really not the way to go about it. Only an idiot would think it was.

Tracey - posted on 11/30/2011

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Crap, would like to know if this "expert" has kids of his own.
The problem in my kids school is that the definition of bullying has changed so much that the teachers don't accept that xyz counts as bullying any more and tell the kids to sort it out themselves - but it looks good on paper because officially the school no longer has a bullying problem.
The definition is now "repeated actions over a period of time with the intention of causing distress to another." So if you are punched on Monday, kicked on Tuesday and sworn at on Wednesday you are not being bullied because the actions are different and therefore not repeated. Coupled with staff who think everyone should get along and that we are all a nice big happy family nothing gets done to address the problem.
A boy who twisted another's arms behind his back and slammed him into the lockers gets let off because he has a "tough life at home" Probably has more to do with the fact that he stays up all night playing violent computer games eating junk food as his parents are too lazy to prepare decent food - why cook vegetables when you can pick up a phone and order pizza.

Kellie - posted on 11/29/2011

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What a fucking dickhead. I couldn't read past

""There used to be spanking and disciplinary things and there weren't as many bullies or suicides rates. Everyone always says non-violence (is the way). Kids are wussy."

Is he really trying to pin the Suicide rate on a lack of Spankings? Has he maybe considered the suicide rate is a product of the freaking bullying?!

Yeah I say we ignore and not support our children when they're a victim of bullying. There's an awesome compounding message for them. Yep the bullies are right, you're not worth it kid.

Again what a fucking dickhead.

Seriously.

argh.

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