Polygamy. What are peoples thoughts?

Zoe - posted on 07/01/2010 ( 28 moms have responded )

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Polygamy (from πολύς γάμος polys gamos, translated literally in Late Greek as "often married"[1]) is a form of marriage in which a person has more than one spouse at the same time, as opposed to monogamy in which a person has only one spouse at a time.



I Personaly think as long as the people are not married (bigamy) Then it is fine. it is up to others how they lives there lives .



So what does everyone else think ?

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[deleted account]

Does anyone NOT know how I would feel on this subject? gqtm...

I definitely don't think it should be acceptable.

Johnny - posted on 07/02/2010

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I would totally let me husband take another wife as long as he didn't sleep/have sex with her. Think of all the stuff I could do if someone else cleaned the washroom.

But seriously, I think it is completely a personal decision. I would never want to be in a relationship like that. But some people like things more complicated I guess.

I do have issues with the way in which polygamy is used to subjectify and marginalize women. But then, that is mostly done in religious communities and they seem to be into subjectifying and marginalizing women even when they don't practice polygamy.

For people who choose it because they believe in polyamory or the like, I think they should be legally entitled to do so. I suspect that under the Canadian Charter of Rights & Freedoms, polygamists will succeed in having their choice legalized. I actually hope and believe that will make it easier for the government to prosecute those who use polygamy against young girls and to hold women prisoner. They will no longer be able to hide behind a "rights" issue and they can be exposed as the disgusting pedophiles that they are.

Oh, and if it is legalized, all persons to be involved in the polygamist marriage should be legally required to contractually concur (like we all do by signing a marriage registry). So the current spouse should have to be a part of the marriage contract with the new spouse. That should keep men from having "secret" wives.

Jaime - posted on 07/01/2010

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Kati, I understand what you're getting at, but two people don't need to be married to be monogamous either. Two people don't need to be married to profess their love and commitment to each other...so why bother with marriage? Marriage is a label. Marriage is a unit of cohesion between people...it shouldn't matter how many people are involved in that unit...that's the point I'm getting at. Marriage is capable of being adapted to include what is otherwise classified as the 'unacceptable' means of a relationship between two or more people and even people of the same sex. Polygamy doesn't ruin the sanctity of marriage because marriage is a vow to love, honour and cherish until death do you part, blah, blah, blah...the fact that it's currently the 'norm' to only marry one person to another has no bearing on the fact that polygamy exists and is quite readily the norm in some cultures apart from North America. One of my profs in university told me a bit about herself and she shared the fact that her husband was the product of a polygamous family from the middle east...it was his norm growing up and he in turn decided to marry and dedicate his life to only one person...his personal choice. Marriage should never be limited to one specific set of rules because it's too narrow of a scope to encompass and equally accept all of the very REAL lifestyles that exist in NA society right now---and all around the world for that matter.

Rosie - posted on 07/01/2010

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@jamie-leigh :)

to me, and EVERYBODY that i know, and have ever known or have ever come across in my life get married by professing their love and commitment to ONE person, for the rest of their life. what is the point at all of marriage if there is nothing behind it? if having more than one partner is your (you general) bag than what the hell are you getting married for? what makes marriage different than just dating? there is something to a marriage, it isn't just a piece of paper. to me, just having everybody going around willy nilly, having more than one partner, ruins the sanctity of marriage. it makes me wonder why anybody would get married in the first place if that's what they wanted.

i do understand that people don't want to be with one person for the rest of their live. however, using marriage as a way to obtain these relationships, which you can easily have without being married, is just not right to me. want to be with more than one person, have fun, just don't profess your love, failthfulness and commitment to one person and then turn around and do the same thing again, and again, and again. it's a joke to do it that way.

Rosie - posted on 07/01/2010

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i think it is stupid. i do not understand why someone would vow to spend the rest of their life with one person and then go out and gather a couple more people to spend their life with. it's utterly ridiculous too me to do that. i think that is an example of ruining the sanctity of marriage.

i do understand that it can work out for people, and i do NOT think it is immoral or should be illegal or anything, i simply do not see the point of marriage when you aren't following your vows. now if your vows were different, and you made sure you didn't included the whole, love and cherish, and be faithful to only one person part, then i have absolutely NO problem with it. whatever floats your boat.

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C. - posted on 07/06/2010

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Well, Zoe.. Polygamy IS Bigamy if you think about it. A polygamist marries someone while being married to someone else, it's just that a polygamist doesn't stop at just marrying one extra person, they keep going. But when they start out, it's the same thing. My point in that was to say that Polygamists are the same as Bigamists when they are starting to marry others. So if you feel Polygamy is wrong, why don't you think Bigamy is wrong??



I think both are wrong. If you want so many partners, why even get married??? Is it just so they can have a nice, hefty cushion of money should one of their spouses pass away?? That isn't reason enough to get married, IMO. I believe a marriage is between TWO people (a man and a woman- I know others feel differently and this is entirely another debate, I just wanted to get that out there), not three, four, five, six..



It goes against what I believe.

Becky - posted on 07/05/2010

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I'm not really sure why you would want more than one spouse. I have enough trouble keeping the one I do have happy!
Although, if my husband wanted to get another wife just to do the housework, I'd be okay with that! :)

Lucy - posted on 07/03/2010

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An open relationship, or one involving more than just a couple isn't for me, but I don't have a problem with it in principle. An old school friend of mine is in a committed relationship with two other people, and the three of them seem perfectly happy and settled. Not my cup of tea, but it works for them.

Like Carol, what I do have an issue with is that in many cultures where polygamy is common, it is used as part of a system of control and abuse of women and young girls. Far too often the woman in these marriages are not seen as equal to their husbands, and may be groomed from a very young age to be a certain man's 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife. This kind of situation cannot be considered a personal choice.

Meghan - posted on 07/02/2010

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would a woman with mulitple husbands be looked at differently than a man with multiple wives?

Lyndsay - posted on 07/02/2010

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Not my cup of tea, but I'm not bothered by it. Personally, I am far too jealous to allow my partner to be intimate with another person. I even get mad if he looks at other women... I've flipped a lid so many times he's either completely stopped or gotten very good at hiding it from me.

Charlie - posted on 07/01/2010

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The female version of polygamy is polyandry .

"Polyandry in human relationships occurs or has occurred in Tibet), the Canadian Arctic, Zanskar, Nepal, Ladakh, the Nymba, and Sri Lanka. It is also encountered in some regions of Mongolia, among the Musuo people in China, and in some Sub-Saharan African and American indigenous communities. Polyandry has been practiced in several cultures in India -- in the Jaunsar region in Uttarakhand, among the Toda of South India, and the Nishi of Arunachal Pradesh. The Guanches, the first known inhabitants of the Canary Islands, practiced polyandry until their disappearance.In other societies, there are people who live in de facto polyandrous arrangements that are not recognized by the law."


Neither bothers me as long as all parties are in agree with the relationship and and are treated with respect then go for it !!

Elisabeth - posted on 07/01/2010

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Each to their own. As long as the couple/s are very aware and happy with the situation and are not being forced to do anything they don't want or to stay in the relationship then whatever tickles your fanny.

I would never do it but in some ways I can see the appeal in it. I've often jokingly said to my husband, "I think those polygamist have a good thing going, maybe you should get another wife and she can do the cooking and cleaning, haha."

Rosie - posted on 07/01/2010

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jamie-leigh- i wholeheartedly believe that people can be in a loving commited relationship with absolutely no desire to be married. however they didn't stand up in front of people (and god if that's your thing) and LEGALLY make a commitment to each other.

no matter how hard i try to see why people don't get married i don't understand why people who are commited don't get married. for ME, i honestly thought that marriage was just a piece of paper, even after i was married. then we hit a bump in the road (a pretty big one) and i was forced to reevaluate things. all i knew was that all of a sudden keeping my MARRIAGE together was the most important thing to me. there is just something there, that i can't explain, or even understand myself, but it IS because i'm married. i can't say for 100% sure that being married makes a difference, but for me, i feel like it IS important, it is something worth fighting for. i can't say that i would feel the same way if i wasn't married, that things would've turned out the same. so with my life experience i find it hard to understand why people choose to not get married, however i still accept it. (does that make any sense?lol!! )

people who ruin it by having more than one partner, i just don't understand and never will. i feel i went through a hell of a lot to keep my marriage to my ONE partner together, and it just seems crazy to me to try to have that with more than one person. :)

Amanda - posted on 07/01/2010

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Im all up for a few more husbands.

1. to look pretty
2-6 to work and make me money
7-10 to do the house work, repairs, and laundry
11-13 do all the cooking
14-17 to look pretty as well.

Caitlin - posted on 07/01/2010

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I have no problem with people making that choice.. My husband says "One woman isn't enough, but two is FAR too many!"

[deleted account]

I don't think there's been a successful model so far in human development. The polygamous societies currently (at least the ones I'm familiar with) are very anti-woman and do not promote equality or choice. That being said, there's nothing wrong with it as long as all parties are 100% committed and are 100% choosing to be involved. I just don't honestly think most people are capable of handling it.

Tanya - posted on 07/01/2010

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It is fine with me as long as the women are promised as children or pressured into it. I do have a problem with a lot of the mormon cults in Utah. Their women seem to be kept from the outside world to make sure they don't have much of a choice.

Also I do kind of have a problem with one man having 121 kids. Its a bit crazy. I mean no way could he even know all of his children.

"Winston Blackmore, head of Canada's largest polygamist group, has an estimated 25 wives plus 121 children. And despite criticism of plural marriages, the group says polygamy is as moral a lifestyle as any other, which it's determined to prove to the world"
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/inside-polygam...

La - posted on 07/01/2010

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Talking about the compound/mormon type polygamists: I think it is a BS excuse for a man to have sex with different women without any of the women getting mad about it. The women are conditioned to believe that it "gods way" when in reality they are no more than possessions of the man they are all tied to. Open relationships are one thing, but I've only seen polygamy where the man can marry and procreate with whomever he wants and the women are no more than sex slaves and maids. Sure the women "consent to" and are "ok" with this but do they really know any different or think they can choose another lifestyle/religion for themselves?

Jaime - posted on 07/01/2010

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Kati...who says that the 'sanctity of marriage' means monogamy? That's the societal ideal, but the mere fact that there are some people in this world that want to have more than one spouse tells me that our intrinsic nature is not just one-sided.

Zoe - posted on 07/01/2010

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@sarah i meant as long as the people weren't married to more than one person at the same time

I asked this as i had seen an episode of jeremy kyle and this bloke had 2 wives with multiple children. people where slating him because of the fact he had 2 wives. however i agreed with some people because he wasn't self sufficient or providing for his kids which is wrong. I think because in the uk we dont much of it happening it is classed as taboo. i think people need to broaden their minds alot more.

Jaime - posted on 07/01/2010

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Like communism, polygamy looks good on paper but as Sharon mentioned, typically when carried out in real life it involves one man with many wives...and usually an entire 'community' of such. Thus polygamy has become the mastery of cult life. If it truly involved independent dwellings of multiple men/women, however they choose to divide up the multiples, then I agree it would be an awesome experience for those involved. Polygamy in and of itself does not bother me in the least, it's the overzealous misleading--usually by ONE person, that conflicts with individual free will, making the participants more like slaves than members of that particular society.

Isobel - posted on 07/01/2010

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So long as all involved are of legal age and willing participants...none of my beeswax. :)

Jodi - posted on 07/01/2010

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I kind of agree with Sharon, in that generally it is a man with many female spouses. When you hear of this happening in various religious cults, it is often a situation of the women not knowing anything different, or not really having a choice in the matter, and becomes an issue of oppression.

However, if we are talking open relationships, I'm actually not sure how I feel about it. It definitely isn't for me, but I am also not convinced it will work in many cases (sure, it does in some). It is usually one partner who wants it more than the other, and while the one who isn't so keen may try to play along because she/he loves the other person and thinks this may be a way to keep them, I am pretty sure it will come back and bite someone on the arse at some time........

LaCi - posted on 07/01/2010

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Don't really care. I'm much to catty and selfish for it.

I read an article by one of 6 or 7 wives who talked about all the benefits, how she could have it all because there was always another wife to watch the children and they could all manage their careers and the kids would always be with family, and so on, its a nice idea. There are many imperfect examples with wives being mistreated, but it can work and shouldn't be discredited because it doesn't always work. Marriage in general doesn't always work, its all dependent on the individuals involved.

Sharon - posted on 07/01/2010

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My problem is polygamy is usually a man who has multiple wives.

In that situation - the woman is often a lesser being. Which I don't like.

However in theory, I don't care how many spouses you have at one time with the caveat that you can provide for all the kids you make via these multiple women.

[deleted account]

Whatever floats your boat...

As long as all wives/husbands are aware of the situation don't see an issue.

Obviously if you have a spouse located on opposite sides of the country in a desperate attempt to keep them secret from each other then you get whats coming to you!

Sara - posted on 07/01/2010

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Why does it matter if they are married or not? I think if two consenting adults want to have an open relationship, why the hell not? Not for me personally, but I don't think it's morally wrong or anything.

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