Potty training earlier than 2 years...debate

Krista - posted on 03/10/2012

I'm in no panic to train my son. We put him on the potty regularly through the day, and sometimes he pees, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he's dry for naps, and sometimes he's not. But he knows what the potty is for and is in no way scared of it, so that's good. This summer, I think I'll take a week off work and see if we can get it over with. But right now, I don't think he's ready. The lad couldn't care less if he was running around with shit right up his back.

Sapphire - posted on 03/10/2012

Every kid develops differently and while the norm for potty training may be 2-3 years, there will always be kids that are outside the norm. The whole theory of elimination communication is something that would never have worked for me. But I have read succcessful stories of it working. Here's what I don't approve of: Parents who force and rush their baby, toddler to potty train or meet developmental milestones before they are truly ready for it. Some kids simply cannot be potty trained on demand. They need time to learn, it's a process. Potty training greatly differs from sibling to sibling and it saddens me when I read posts from moms who complain that their kid isn't being trained fast enough. WHY force them? They are not ready. Forcing a child to be potty trained earlier that are ready for sets up kids for embarrassing accidents and a loss of confidence. Kids may be afraid of a toilet, afriad to use it, afriad of the flushing sound. Forcing potty training when a kid isn't ready is more of an issue with the parent- not the kid. When kids are ready to learn something new, they will embrace the task. They will clap and sing and dance becasue "I went potty." Forcing a kid sets up a host of possible unpleasantries.

Janice - posted on 03/10/2012

Brittney I completely get what your saying. I agree that if you have the time to invest many kids could be potty trained before 18 months. Many children do become physically and cognitively ready before toddlerhood. Of course now a days its really hard to do. Children are less likely to learn to potty train due to disposable diapers making sitting in pee "comfortable." If your child is in daycare its impossible too.



I also agree that diapers are too expensive to not at least try to potty train early :) I wanted Kadence potty trained before my son came but I missed the window at 17 months because she was in daycare while I was student teaching. Then she was just too into doing her own toddler thing to be bothered. I was so happy that 6 weeks after Gavin was born she just decided to be potty trained. 2 packs of diapers is just not in the budget! :)

Brittney - posted on 03/09/2012

Thats understandable though, you try to do what you can. We actually dont have a bathroom door, so we dont have that choice.

Sherri - posted on 03/09/2012

Ya easy to do when you only have 1. I have 4 and do in home daycare as well. So usually have 6 kids running around. No possible way can I have eagle eyes on 6 kids to make sure they are safe, so it is not optional to not close doors etc.

Brittney - posted on 03/09/2012

I watched my daughter all the time, I didn't baby proof most things like keeping the door closed so she couldn't go in there. She was a good baby that listened and learned quick. People do that, they want to remember it that way. Probably a way to make themselves feel like they accomplished something. I didn't actually have her trained until she was 15 months (daytime only). I think the cost of diapers is just too expensive to keep children in diapers past 18 months. (my opinion)

Johnny - posted on 03/09/2012

That's cool Brittany. But I have to say, most of the people whom I've heard claim that about their babies are those who are so old that they can't really remember any more. My granny swore to my parents that my dad was potty trained at six months, although according to his aunt, he was a late crawler. I always chalk it up to the tendency of people to romanticize their child's infancy/babyhood.

Sherri - posted on 03/09/2012

Well that is great. My kids never crawled so there would be no way for them to have ever done that not to mention the bathroom door is always kept shut for safety at that age. However, I do find that to be the exception not the rule. I would be willing to bet virtually most babies can't do that.

Brittney - posted on 03/09/2012

Mine told me when she had to go, she had cues and I would get her to the potty, at 8 months my daughter would crawl over to the potty and open it, I would take off her diaper and she would go, mostly pee, but sometimes poop.

Sherri - posted on 03/09/2012

I just don't understand how people say their children were potty trained at 6mo's or 8mo's no the parent was trained not the baby, since a baby can not get themselves to the bathroom, tell you they need to go, or even have the control to hold it.

Brittney - posted on 03/09/2012

The purpose of the article is to get the message across that this method doesn't wait for the child to be 'ready' and Benjamin Spock came up with the method to wait until the child shows signs of readiness. My daughter never had signs of readiness, I took charge and potty trained her that way. My grandmother had all of her kids potty trained by 8 months and a friend of my moms had her son trained at 6 months, it is possible. I almost had my daughter trained at 8 months.

**Jackie** - posted on 03/09/2012

yayyy! That's awesome! Sometimes you just have to forget what you planned and roll with it lol

Brittney - posted on 03/09/2012

I thought it would have been easier to wait until summer too, but she got it in 3 days and hasn't had an accident in the daytime, for 2 weeks.

**Jackie** - posted on 03/09/2012

My daughter is 15 months and I am going to potty train her at 18 months. I am waiting until 18 months because it will be easier trying to rush her to the bathroom and hiking up a sundress or not having anything on but a t-shirt and undies or pull ups. Trying to do it now with all these winter clothes on would be a nightmare. I think that 2 years old would be pushing it. My niece wasn't trained until she was 3 years old and my sister in law had such a hard time finding any dance studio that would take her. I plan on putting my daughter in the 2-4 age group for dance class just to see if she liked it since it was a big part of my childhood. Anyway, they won't take you if you aren't potty trained.

Sally - posted on 03/09/2012

All 3 of my kids where dry day and night by 3 . 2 were by2.6 my 2nd son took until he was 3 but he was born at 27 weeks and we had been warned that there would be some delays with milestones.

I always had a potty about and used to hold them on it at nappy changed from the time they could sit up. I didn't expect them to use it just wanted them to see it as a everyday item. Then the summer before their 2 birthday id put them in pants to run around at home. Yes there were mishaps to begin with but because it did't feel very nice they quickly picked up to use the toilet( no i never left them in wet clothes) but they got the idea. I found once they were dry during the day being dry at night quickly followed. We still had the odd accident but never made a big deal about it. Just tried to keep it relaxed.

I got to say one of the things that drives me nuts is when i see a mum whos trying to toilet train totally ignoring a toddler who says they need pee pee and then slaps them because they wet themselves.

I think all kids are different,all parents are different and what works for one doesn't for the other. Remaining relaxed is the key.

Mary - posted on 03/09/2012

Oh, Janice - if she's one of those super heavy sleepers, you might be in pull-ups or diapers while sleeping for a while. My niece was like that - even at the age of 7, she still frequently wet the bed at night (and would sleep straight through despite the sodden sheets). She even tried waking her up to pee before she herself went to bed, and said that the girl wouldn't even fully rouse. My sister would have to physically hold her upright, or she would have fallen over. She gave it up, and just accepted that the girl would eventually outgrow it - which she did. Apparently my BIL is a really sound sleeper as well, and is just about dysfunctional if woken up in the middle of the night.



I don't know that there is much that can be done about sleep-time dryness. On that count, I really think it is a question of physiological make-up as opposed to "learning". Other than having her try to use the toilet prior to sleeping, I really didn't do anything else to "help" that process - she just arrived at that of her own accord.

Janice - posted on 03/09/2012

Thanks Mary. My daughter has a ton of stuffed animals too. They have been frequenting the wash too lately. She was going to the bathroom before nap and being successful but the past 3 days in a row I've had to wash her sheets and whatever else was in bed. Thankfully its a crib mattress so it can just be wiped down. Oh well. I unfortunately wet the bed until I was over 10 years old. So it is likely that she is like me and her body just doesn't wake her up when she needs to pee. Hopefully, she out grows it much earlier than I did.

Sal - posted on 03/09/2012

my daughter day trained herself at about 12 months.....not sure why just did, and was out of night nappies by about 18 months, the only time we used them was on long car trips, my son was well before 3 for day and a little later for night, my youngest however is 4 this week and still in night nappies and over 3 for day, so i feel there is no right time, i'd loved them all to be early but it just wasnt to be

Mary - posted on 03/09/2012

Janice, in the beginning with Molly, I did use put pull-ups on her for nap time (mostly because I didn't want to risk not so much the bed, but the 3 million stuffed animals she insists on sleeping with). She was dry through her naps probably 90% of the time at that point. After about a month of this, it really seemed pretty stupid of me to do this, not to mention a huge waste of money. I started out by having her sit on the potty before she went down for a nap. If she peed, she slept in underwear, if not, I used a pull-up. Once she got into this routine, I did away with the pull-ups altogether. Even if she hadn't gone, I figured her bladder was pretty empty since she had tried - and her naps were only around an hour and a half. We've never had a nap-time accident.



At night, I did use pull-ups for the first 6ish months. Again, she was dry the majority of the time in the morning - it was mostly my dread of wet stuffed animals that influenced this choice. Eventually, when I realized that she had been dry every am for weeks, I sucked up my own anxiety, and did away with them. She never did have a full-on flood in the bed. Every so often, she would wet a little, and it must wake her up, since she would suddenly appear at my bedside to tell me "Mommy, I need new underwear.". Even that hasn't happened in over 6 months (she's not quite 3 1/2 now) - and I do not limit fluid intake before bed. In fact, she still drinks a cup of milk every night just before bedtime when we read books together.

Celeste - posted on 03/08/2012

I should add, that this was not the only method I tried. And this was a period of months. Maybe my kids were hard headed, maybe I just didn't know what I was doing. But, in the end, they got trained. And they will not be in diapers when they get to college :)

Celeste - posted on 03/08/2012

Sherri, that's exactly what I did. Like I said, I'd take them on a schedule, every 20-30 min and sit them on the toilet for a few minutes. As soon as they got up, then that's when they peed or pooped in their diaper/underwear. It's a moot point as the boys are 5 and my daughter is 9. Like I said, I did the best I knew how at the time.



This method worked great for my friend's son, because were comparing notes. It just didn't work for my boys..

Sherri - posted on 03/08/2012

@Celeste I'd have her sit on the potty for a few minutes. She wouldn't go and then as soon as she got up, that's when she peed.



Or, my boys, I took them on a schedule -right after getting up in the morning, after breakfast, and then I'd set a timer for them. They'd either do nothing, and not want to sit on it at all, or they wouldn't go and then they'd go right in their underwear or diaper



To me this doesn't mean they aren't ready just that they aren't sure what the toilet is for yet. So I would sit them there every 20mins for 1-5mins or until something happened. Then within a day or so you could see the lightbulb go off in their heads and they got it, especially since the minute we started potty training they wore underwear only 100% of time except at night. I never took those as signs of not readiness, interesting that you did. I am not saying you are wrong just that we are different in our approach.

Corinne - posted on 03/08/2012

Ha, Mary I hear you. I've not been to the bathroom alone for nearly 6yrs.....

Corinne - posted on 03/08/2012

Both my kids were in cloth nappies. When they were approaching their 1st birthday we introduced them to the potty, when I went to the loo, they would sit next to me on the potty. My little girl had it down by 14 months, my little boy by 16 months. I didn't see it as being 'early' or that they were 'pushed' it just clicked for them. I never really gave it that much thought until I came on COM and found people asking how to train a 3 yr old etc....

Janice - posted on 03/08/2012

So since its the topic and I trust those who frequent here, I have a question.



My daughter is just "finishing" being potty trained. If she is awake she is trained. She was staying dry most naps so I stopped putting a diaper on her. And now over the past 10 days about 1/2 she has been dry and the other 1/2 the sheets are soaked. She still always wears a diaper overnight.



Should I go back to diapers for nap too or just keep her in underwear?

Celeste - posted on 03/08/2012

Definitely Mary. The bathroom was never a place where they weren't allowed. They saw their dad and me use the restroom all the time. For some reason, it was that one time that something clicked with them, even though they've seen us use the restroom every day;

Mary - posted on 03/08/2012

Celeste - you touched on something that I do believe made my potty training experience such a breeze. Form the time she was mobile, girlfriend was always in the bathroom with me when I was using it. Although before her birth I was a close-the-door kind of girl, it just wasn't very practical after she was born. So when we did start (at 23 months), she understood what the toilet was for, and that Mommy and Daddy did this a gazillion times a day. She'd been watching us do it forever, so there was no fear or resistance on her part.



I've been sort of surprised at the number of moms I talk to who say that is the one time/place where they don't allow their kids to be with them. I'm actually a pretty modest person, but between her and my two dogs, the bathroom is just not a place where I get "alone" time. In fact, when she was potty training, I often peed on the toilet while she was on the potty chair.



Although I truly don't judge anyone whose kid isn't potty trained at 3, I do tend to agree with Janice that most kids are capable of this much sooner than parents tend to start trying it. I also think sometimes we put too much stock in some of these parenting books, and take those checklists a bit too seriously. As I said in an earlier post, my daughter didn't meet half of the criteria that suggest a child is "ready" to potty train. However, it was a smooth, painless process for us that really only took about a week, and required no bribery or cajoling on my part. I honestly believe it would have been much harder had I waited even 6 months later, when she was really starting to get increasingly more defiant, and asserting her will.

Celeste - posted on 03/08/2012

I think patience, in the end, is what worked for us. After all the things I tried, I backed off. I encouraged it, but didn't force the issue. My mantra was "They won't go to college in diapers" And like I said in an earlier post, something just clicked when they saw my husband using the restroom.. They decided they wanted to use the potty, and that was that. I wonder if that's what I should have done in the first place, but that's what finally worked for us..

Brittney - posted on 03/08/2012

Potty training doesn't happen over night, not saying anyone is lazy, but what worked today may not work tomorrow or for everyones' kids, you need to keep up with them and have patience. My daughter refused to go, I still put her on it every so often, if she peed in the potty it was 'YAY! happy!' if she didn't 'well try again'.

Celeste - posted on 03/08/2012

Not ready, as in, refusing to to use the toilet. Like, my daughter, I'd sit her on the toilet. I'd have her sit on the potty for a few minutes. She wouldn't go and then as soon as she got up, that's when she peed.



Or, my boys, I took them on a schedule -right after getting up in the morning, after breakfast, and then I'd set a timer for them. They'd either do nothing, and not want to sit on it at all, or they wouldn't go and then they'd go right in their underwear or diaper (which, BTW, they were cloth diapered).



I tried stickers, I tried bribery, I tried naked time, I tried going straight to underwear, I tried timers. Even their preschool attempted. I'm glad you guys were able to potty train your children so quickly, but it took a little longer for my kids. Maybe I did something wrong, but I did the best I knew how at the time.

Janice - posted on 03/08/2012

When those of you say "not ready" what do you mean?



Personally, I believe most children are physically and cognitively ready before age two. Hence, why children in many other cultures potty train children successfully early. However, I do agree that emotionally many toddlers are not ready to make the choice to want to use the toilet. I definitely agree forcing the issue makes it worse most of the time.

Janice - posted on 03/08/2012

I completely disagree that day cares aren't focused on potty training. In the toddler classrooms, 18 - 36 months, its a huge part of the day. Where I worked even the kids who weren't specifically potty training were given the choice to sit on the toilet for every diaper change unless they pooped. If there was a child specifically potty training then they would be brought to use the toilet every 30 -60 min, depending on the child. Typically, we had the most issues with parents who said they wanted to potty train and so we would start and then they would admit that they weren't doing the same at home.

Of course I can only speak for where I worked but I would be mad if the daycare my child was in wasnt helping with potty training. Of course with daycare centers due to lack of toilet access potty training cant begin before 18 months which does suck for someone who wants to try earlier.

Celeste - posted on 03/08/2012

Exactly, Ania. Nor does it mean that you're lazy or don't want to deal with it. Trust me, I tried everything that I could think of. They were NOT READY. When I forced the issue, it made things harder.

Ania - posted on 03/08/2012

My son is 25 months and does not want to have anything to do with potty, so i don't pressure him and it drives me crazy when other moms are constantly asking me about it. If your kids are potty training good for you! that does not mean there is something wrong with my son, he is just not ready for it that's all

Sherri - posted on 03/08/2012

I will say as a daycare provider when the parents decide it is time, I potty train the kids within my care. Yup 99% of the work ends up on me since some of the kids I have 10hrs a day.

Brittney - posted on 03/08/2012

@ Rebecca K. I agree, my daughter is with me every day and that is how I was able to potty train her so quickly. I cant imagine not being with my daughter to help her learn.

Rebecca - posted on 03/08/2012

I should also add that I think it's more difficult for parents whose kids are in daycare to potty train them because they aren't able to focus as much attention on it (and the daycare providers aren't able to focus as much attention on it). I can't imagine trying to potty train a child who is away from you for 6 or more hours a day.

Rebecca - posted on 03/08/2012

With my first set of twins, I started potty training at 18 months. We use cloth diapers and they knew when they were wet/poopy and didn't like it so it made it a lot easier. both boys were poop trained well before their 2nd birthdays; it took a few more months on the peeing for my one son (he would seriously drop his pants and pee anywhere). The other son was pee trained at 2. Personally, I don't know why moms wait so long to start potty training. It seems like a lot of them put it off because they are dreading it, thinking it's going to be horrible.



EDITED TO ADD: We introduced the potty to the boys at 12 months, but didn't actually start sitting them on it without diapers until 18 months. I plan on doing the same thing with the baby twins when they reach that age as well. I hope they train as easy as the first two!

Janice - posted on 03/07/2012

Deborah -Funny thing about child-led potty training is that sometimes the child decides to be ready when your breastfeeding your 6 week old. It has been crazy these past 7 weeks but my daughter wanted to start use the potty and I'm not going to stop her! Some days her undies are changed often not because she has an accident but because she uses the toilet independently (while I'm nursing or otherwise caring for her brother) and she is not good at wiping -if she even remembers at all. Oh well ;)

Chelsey - posted on 03/07/2012

My eldest daughter was potty trained a couple months after her 2nd birthday and my youngest daughter was trained at 2 1/2. A for my son who knows he's only 3 weeks old lol. In both the girls cases they were trained and no accidents within two days but we didn't use pull ups and they didn't like the feeling of their panties being wet and definitely didn't like helping me clean up the mess they made if they peed on the floor. The girls also really wanted to go to preschool when they turned three and here you can't send them in diapers so I told them if they used the potty they could go to school. Worked for us at any rate.

Deborah - posted on 03/07/2012

My daughter was trained by 2.5 years... My son (2 this month) we haven't even started yet.



I agree with the people who say 'child led' potty training works best. I think my daughter could have been trained sooner, but I wasn't ready for it (I was pregnant, then breastfeeding, so I couldn't always get up to help her use the potty).



I think if you want to put you and your kid through that, that's your prerogative, but when the kid is ready is better than forcing it early...

Stifler's - posted on 03/07/2012

We always let the turd watch us in the toilet. He still doesn't get it. He seems to know when he's doing it sometimes others he's too busy to give a damn.

Mary - posted on 03/07/2012

Heather - just to clarify - in no way was I implying that you created this issue with your daughter by waiting. I was only commenting on how difficult I think potty-training my kid now as opposed to how it was when she was still a sweeter, more pliable kid. As I said, I think it was some type intervention by the fates that it happened for us when it did. I really was in no rush to potty train. If I had attempted it closer to 3, I swear she would have been peeing on my floors and furniture intentionally, just to test me, since I am convinced this this is now her sole purpose in life!

Lady Heather - posted on 03/06/2012

Dude, my daughter is not strong willed because I waited to long. She's been in the bathroom with me from day 1 and got her own "no pressure" potty at 16 months. She just does things her way. She also didn't walk or talk until 21 months. She is a cautious kid and to her it is risky to give up diapers. Heck, she won't even go down a short slide. So right now I'm just working on general confidence building. I refuse to believe I made her this way. It's just how she's always been. The plus side to the cautious child us she actually wants to hold my hand in the parking lot and she won't go near sharp things or fire. So I don't worry about her safety.

Mary Renee - posted on 03/06/2012

I let my daughter sit on the potty at 20 months. She pooped in their twice, peed in their once, but we're back to diapers. I'm not going to pressure into it, the reason being that potty training is actually of huge psychological impact to the child. If you believe any major theorist in Human Development, Freud, Erikson, almost anybody, there is something about the age two (or around it, 18 months - 3 years) that triggers a change in children. For one, they are more aware of their urge to use the bathroom and two, they are starting the stage of autonomy vs. self doubt. The idea is that the child's goal is to learn how to trust him or herself and have the confidence to do something on their own with out fear, a task they'll need for the rest of their life. If they aren't allowed to develop this by say... presenting task that are age appropriate so that they can succeed and feel good about themselves, they can develop shame, and anxiety about doing things on their own.



Basically, potty training is the first and among the most important things your child will do to assert his or her independence. If you set them up for success and allow them to approach it at their own speed, it will help them grow to be confident adults who trust their own autonomy.



If you force them to use the bathroom before they're ready, get mad at them for having an accident, or humiliate them into using the restroom... they're going to question and feel shame about their urges, potentially, for the rest of their life.



I speak from experience. This might sound pathetic, but I was potty trained by an abusive babysitter and it effected me for the rest of my life. I was in a day care and she would report daily to the other older kids whether I had an accident, or went poo or pee, and if I didn't poo or pee when she wanted me to, she would not allow the other children to sit with me at the table, or play with me during playtime. She told the other children to alienate me until I pooped in the potty. I stopped speaking. My parents wandered why I stopped talking and became so suddenly shy and introverted. I feared this woman more than anything. Obviously, I still remember this 24 years later!



You can anticipate a child's bowel movements before 18 months, but a child can't physically "hold it" and have that kind of control prior to 18 months. I would wait till 18 months, and of corse give him or her every opportunity to use the potty by making a potty chair or potty seat accessible to them, but I would never seriously force it unless they were about to start preschool and needed to be potty trained before that.

Johnny - posted on 03/06/2012

LOL, I didn't have to stare, she made these weird groaning noises. It was pretty disgustingly obvious. But if I have another, I honestly probably won't bother. With two kids and carpets? Nope!

Elfrieda - posted on 03/06/2012

Well, the potty seat to fit our long toilet bowl comes in the mail tomorrow, and my son is 26 months old. We're going to start right away. I think he was actually ready right before his 2nd birthday, in early December, but I was NOT going to rush around to family gatherings and parties while trying to potty train. After Christmas he seemed to regress, so I waited. Now he wants to go, and sits on his potty chair with his clothes on and grunts, and I've held him naked before a bath on the toilet which he thought was fun (but he didn't go). Tomorrow... I'm nervous!



I find EC an interesting idea, but lean more toward, "I can't believe you stare at your baby waiting for her to make a poop face... life is too short." My sister-in-law did it with her first, but then she had another baby and she says she's too busy/distracted/tired. Also she's disillusioned, because despite all that early training, her oldest still is just barely potty-trained at 3. She still does it a bit with the younger one, but not consistently, more to cut down on dirty diapers.

Celeste - posted on 03/06/2012

And I don't have a problem with people PT'ing their kids early. I DO have a problem when they act like I am a lazy parent because my kids were a little older. "Well, MY kids were trained before 2"

Celeste - posted on 03/06/2012

I've heard about EC, but I don't know much about it to make any judgments.



In PT'ing my 3 children, I learned quite a bit.With my kids, when I backed off, that's when they potty trained. My first daughter, I had tried before 2 years old. I sat her on the potty on a timer, stickers, you name it. She was seeing Early Child Intervention for occupation therapy and physical therapy. The PT was a former nanny and suggested naked time. I tried it and holy cow, she was trained in two days! She was a week before turning 3.



My twin boys, again, I started them around 2. I tried stickers, sitting them on the potty on a schedule, bribing, naked time. Nothing worked. Even their preschool was trying to train them. I backed off and one day, they saw their dad peeing (as they've seen him many times before) and something just clicked. Ronin, THAT DAY, started using the potty. That was it. Ryker, was a week later. They were 3 1/2.

Teresa - posted on 03/06/2012

We started potty training the girls at 16 months... just sticking them on the toilet before a shower. If they were naked they had 100% success rate right away, so they were naked at home a lot. They weren't out of day time pull ups til 2.75ish years old.



My son pooped on the potty (entirely by his choice) at 15 months. He potty trained himself at his pace and was done right around 2.75 years old.