preteen girls and skimpy clothes

Kathy - posted on 10/04/2012 ( 80 moms have responded )

151

0

3

What do you think of pre-teen girls wearing skimpy clothes?



Lets define pre-teens for this post as between 9-15, old enough to make their own clothing choices, but young enough that they are not "women"

I don't really want to discuss toddlers in tiaras or a 19 year old in thigh high boots……



I have really mixed feeling on seeing girls/young teens in skimpy clothes.



On one hand:

-it is their body and they can dress how they want

-no one should judge them or how they dress, and if boys or men (eww….) are distracted or turned on by how they dress, that is not on the girls, that is the boys/mens issue.

-I do not for one minute think how a woman dresses causes or excuses any sexually aggressive behaviour.



On the other hand:

I don't think we need to be ashamed (at all!) of our bodies - but I do think modesty is a good virtue. When it is hot out, I dress in less clothes, when I dress up for a party, etc, I might accentuate a few attributes ;) but as general rule, I do not run around in skimpy clothes. I want attention for my brains and charm - not my looks, you know? Most preteens I know who dress really skimpily do seem to be looking for love in all the wrong places. I am more than a body - young girls are more than a body - so deliberately dressing in a way that makes them come across as being mostly about "bodies" bugs me a bit.



What do you think?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Aleks - posted on 10/15/2012

546

0

46

The problem is that this isn't about just what the girls are wearing. Half the time they see what their mother has been wearing or comments on what she likes in "looks" and they take that from there.... If the mother is into being super trendy and sexy, then the girl will grow up accepting this as normal. Many a time I see these types of mothers dressing their little girls (we are talking even pre-school aged) as little mini-me's of them. Many of these women probably hasn't stopped to think about the message they are sending, nor do they see anything, essentially, wrong. To them they are just dressing their child "trendy". When WE (all of us, young and old) see constantly in all sorts of contexts sexuality on display it kind of becomes the norm. Look at the Hollywood stars and what they wear and how they act. Look in the last 10 or so years of music videos, sex and "sluts" and skimpy clothes on women everywhere (men are typically fully dressed looking cool) who are girrating (spell?) three or more at a time on the singer or to eachother (aka, lesbian style - another porn culture cross over to main stream). And this is just during G rated time slots!!!

Look how Barbie is dressed half the time. Look what they have done to the good old characters of Tinkerbell, et al. All sexed up. This is the messages we are sending to ALL children and aduts too. So is it any wonder why many, adults and kids, don't see anything wrong with it?



This is a complex issue, and it isn't just about parental control. Because, half the time the parents are suckered into this type of thing/thinking themselves!



I will post a link to an opinion piece I read a few weeks ago which perfectly exemplifies this whole thing perfectly:

http://www.dailylife.com.au/news-and-vie...



And here is an excerpt from the linked article that summerizes what is essentially the problem at the moment, perfectly:

""Even as a girl’s virginity is hailed as a ‘precious gift’, (however) young women learn that being ‘hot’ is pretty much how women’s existence is justified. Female bodies are commodified to sell everything from beer...to animal rights to men’s deodorant. Porn stars are mainstream celebrities, every reality star worth her salt has a sex tape on her CV, and mainstream magazines reward their ‘Woman of the Year’ with a naked cover shoot even as her male counterparts remain fully clothed."

"It is unsurprising that young girls will act on these signals. However, unlike celebrities, ordinary women are not insulated by fame and money from the double standard that simultaneously fetishises female sexuality and condemns women for playing along.

Girls who succumb to the expectation that they make themselves conventionally sexually attractive to the male gaze face the inevitable ‘slut’ backlash. Meanwhile, other girls who don’t conform to the sexual ideal can only gain status by distancing themselves from the ‘sluts’. Divide and conquer."



Therefore, essentially it's not just as a parent telling your daughter how to do things or what to wear. We need to change as a society about what messages we are wishing to send collectivelly. And not just to our daughters, but also our sons too.

Fit2BMe - posted on 10/13/2012

201

0

14

The other night there was a documentary on talking about young girls and sexuality, getting into this very topic. Wish everyone had been able to see it. Very concerning. It spoke of how from a young age girls are taught by media and Disney even, the importance of being pretty and beautiful. There is so much value put on that with the "princess" themes being so strong. Then as girls get a bit older they move into Bratz dolls and all the rest, which are more skimpier clad. Girls don't lose that teaching of "be the most beautiful princess", it just shifts. Gradually, to be the most pretty, they learn/realize this means being the most sexy.

Of course that's an over-simplified representation of this documentary's thesis, and I am not doing it justice at all. However, it was alarming to see. They showed how girls, more and more, are playing up the porn-star imagine and being pressured to do so. How many girls in highschool, now, have anal sex a part of their relationships. Also how prevalent sexting is (taking naked pictures of yourself and sending them over text.). When polled, girls stated they did this to get the boys attention. They talked about how boys are impacted also, with pornographic images in their faces so much that they themselves develop very unrealistic ideas of sexuality and relationships.

That point was made that while one might be tempted to say this is empowering women sexually, its actually exactly the opposite as the themes are on pleasing HIM, attracting HIM, and even dumbing yourself down in order to live life In the moment and take risks and just enjoy those carnal pleasures. It touched on a study of how girls' anxiety and depression and self esteem issues are on a concerning upward trend.



It all have me a lot to think about as a parent. Firstly, I was so thankful I was not raising girls. Secondly, it showed me where I need to be involved and careful in helping to guide my boys in their thinking. Thirdly, it made me realize how innocent but continuous statements of beauty etc. can be damaging. We learned in social work practice how constantly praising a child for their achievement and/or for being smart was actually counter-intuitive as they become performance oriented and develop a fear of failure. However, praising effort and character accentuates those virtues instead. So likewise with beauty. While its fine to tell girls they are beautiful once in a while, accentuating it actually risks setting them up for disaster. Again, over-simplified, however you catch my drift.



I personally believe you can teach a girl to have pride in their body, not shame, and respect for their own sexuality. I do not believe that wearing sexualized clothing and acting provocatively does this. It seems to me, that all that teaches girls is that other people's opinions of their bodies, dressing up and acting up and performing for others, is what determines their value or not.

Fit2BMe - posted on 10/13/2012

201

0

14

Very true that people mistakingly confuse modesty with shame, and also mistakingly mistake sexual provocativeness with empowerment. It's backward thinking.

Taking it to the extreme, has one ever honestly felt that a stripper or prostitute had more pride and higher self esteem than the average woman? I'm pretty sure most of us can agree that's likely not the case--hence the addictions these girls often have and need I help them cope.



Also, modesty comes in varying degrees. It does not have to mean covered head to toe as some cultures do, or even neck to ankle or elbow to knee.



A philosopher (C.S. Lewis--tho I forget which essay of his it was in) once wrote, (and I very softly quote) I am not my body, I have a body. You have are a soul/a person, you have a body. The difference is an important one as it relates to many aspects of life.



How one dresses and acts communicates something about them. We teach our children to act respectfully for this reason, as we want them to experience success in life. Does teaching them how to dress respectfully not naturally fall in line with that also?



I often say to kids: If you walk around swearing, yelling, speaking rudely to people, and showing off, you will get a reputation that harms you more than it helps you. Even if its not representative of who you are. Likewise how you dress has this impact.

Fit2BMe - posted on 10/14/2012

201

0

14

This raises a good point in defining what one considers "skimpy". I have seen plenty of girls and women in spaghetti straps where it has not seemed inappropriate, and several where it has. If its spaghetti straps on a super tight half see-through shirt, especially with a bra underneath that either pushes cleavage up over top, or one that is thin and reveals the nipple shape... Well, seriously. Why bother at that point?!

The very short shorts that show the gluteal fold, the very short skirts, the very tight outfits that necessitate special underwear. The combination of a strapless tight top with very short shorts, particularly when a mod drift is shown....

However there is no black and white, as "skimpy" is revealed in other ways also. A child's behaviour can accentuate it or not.

My question is, while parents are the ones still buying the clothes, why are they buying this for their young girls? In many cases, it is the parents intentionally choosing this type of clothing over something less questionable.



My theory is that women want their daughters to have a leg up socially. Sons too for that matter. We try to dress our kids in trendy and cool clothing, however in doing so may be unwittingly getting sucked into that vortex ourselves--forgetting critical thinking and going with trends. And while initially girls may not associate it, on a conscious level, with sexuality or any of that, they can be picking up other messages: the importance of keeping up with fashion, the importance of going with the crowd, that mom is ok with ok with it. If one parent dressed and undeveloped or yet developing girl in these clothes, to suddenly start to ask questions once she has hips and breasts becomes hypocritical and confusing.

To

Not question it at all communicates approval and "no issues or questions". It's not to say that parents need "demand" anything. As with all aspects of parenting, this isn't about control and punitive approach, its about communicating, teaching, and open dialogue.



I will also say, I see a LOT of parent who parent fear, so afraid of rebellion or losing their kids that they become permissive. Sadly though, what I learned in working with teens, was how quickly kids saw through that and both learned to manipulate it and take advantage of it, as well as how insecure it made them feel. When everything else is confusing and out of control in the teen years, it was astounding how many teens were able to actually verbalize that what they needed was a mom who cared and put boundaries on them so they wouldn't be able to screw up so badly and lose everything. A lot of teens who had been in some troubling situations, though from good families, became very disappointed by parents who did not step in and speak up more and parent more.

That's from the mouths of babes, not my own.



Its a tough job, a very difficult and delicate balance I'm sure. We should never be afraid to parent, however, and always think about what messages we may be sending in both our actions as well as our inactions.

Aleks - posted on 10/17/2012

546

0

46

Yes Meme,

What you may consider to be "sexy" though not "slutty" may still, most likely, be inappropriate type of clothing on a tween girl (or even a younger teen girl depends, of course, on what it is exactly). There is also extremely "sexy" but not necessarily slutty as well.... Still inappropriate for young girls to wear.

We are talking about what young girls wear, not what adults wear. So "sexy" and a young girl (or boy for that matter) should never go together.



And I never put "sexy" and "slutty" together, although some tend to use them synonomously to describe a certain look (usually the one that has tight everything, with high heels/boots lots make up, nails done, hair done, etc etc.... )

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

80 Comments

View replies by

Anna Blakely Rose - posted on 06/30/2014

43

0

3

I have two "tween" daughters. One is thirteen, Ammy, and the other is ten, Cassia. Cassia isn't really old enough I feel to want to dress immodestly, but Ammy certainly is. She likes wearing "skimpier" clothes. I don't allow this, but I try not to be overbearing and strict. Ammy is skinny and tall, so it is easy for clothes to look inappropriate on her. I often let out the hem of her skirts and shorts, and buy her camis to wear under her tops. I try not to make her feel bad about her body, and try and keep her decent while wearing the latest trends.

Amber - posted on 12/24/2013

11

0

0

Depends on the environment. Here in my Florida beach city my tween girls' shorts and tee's fit right in. Half the time they're in board shorts and tank tops.

Amber - posted on 12/24/2013

11

0

0

I think there's more to worry about than skimpy clothing. Of course i live in florida and we dress pretty casual here. Shorts and tee's for my girls.

Jenny - posted on 03/26/2013

842

5

24

A lot of the clothes are meant to be layered. On their own they might look skimpy, but if you layer them they look fine.

Heather - posted on 03/21/2013

1

0

0

Hi, Kathy. There is nothing wrong with being proud of one's self image; however, too often young girls wear the skimpiest clothes that promote sexiness rather than modesty. There are many other ways that kids can promote their self confidence other than wearing clothes that promote a negative self worth. It is very sad that clothing companies are making clothes so skimpy that they won't even cover my right shoulder, and I am not a big woman at all at barely 5'1" and 140 pounds. I went into four different stores just today to find appropriate length shorts for 2 of my daughters who are preteens and I was absolutely disgusted at the clothes in the junior departments!

Sylvia - posted on 11/27/2012

1,315

8

31

@Sherri maybe it's a boy thing?? I would never get away with that (not that I particularly want to -- too lazy!), at least not after DD was about 2. The kid even had opinions about diapers -- we switched to paper diapers when she started daycare, so I wouldn't be shlepping bags of dirty ones home on the bus every day, and they had different animals on the front, and she would literally stand there and go, "No sheep! Monkey!" Ummm ... okay, kid o_O

Amy - posted on 11/26/2012

64

0

4

I don't see anything wrong with kids being naked at the beach really. But you know you have to also realize a LOT of people are not comfortable with the idea, and need to adjust for that.

Amy - posted on 11/26/2012

64

0

4

I don't see anything wrong with kids being naked at the beach really. But you know you have to also realize a LOT of people are not comfortable with the idea, and need to adjust for that.

Amy - posted on 11/26/2012

64

0

4

Aleks I grew up in bulgaria so I know what you mean there. Kids up to 12-13 being fully nude at the beaches is a norm in many european countries. But here in the us I can't say I have ever see that. I had an issue last year with a lady because my 6 year old daughter was topless though.

Amy - posted on 11/26/2012

64

0

4

To be honest I have never seen children that young wearing skimpy clothing. Not until they hit the teen years have I seen them.

Sherri - posted on 11/25/2012

9,593

15

387

@Sylvia my kids are all boys until my oldest two kids hit 5th grade with is 10-11yrs old they had no opinion on clothes. They could have cared less. They still asked me to pick out their clothes and lay them out every night.



I still pick out my 6yr olds clothes now and he also could care less. He may not like how something may fit but as far as a shirt or pants he could care less. So I still lay out his clothes every night before I go to bed.

Aleks - posted on 11/21/2012

546

0

46

I find that the naked thing is a rarity these days. Yes, occasionally you do see little kids naked, but this is sooooooo rare!!! Granted, that yes, in Australia we should all cover up as much as we can on the beach (or in the sun, generally). But you don't even see girls without any type of top while out at the beach or pool, etc. People are paranoid and over sexualised themselves, imo, which they in turn throw on their kids. Sad really.



When I was a kid I specifically remember the day I did not wish to be just plainly frolicking just in my swimming bottoms/undies - I was 9 or 10. This was in continental Europe in early 80s- which mind you is where you are still more likely to see most kids (if not all, especially under 4) running around naked at pools, lakes and beaches. This is an absolute rarity here right now. So much so, that one does get a bit of a "whoa! This kid is naked..." or "omg! that kids just changed infront of everybody" and get a bit uncomfortable. If it wasn't so rare, no one wouldn't bat an eyelid. Its our doing. We are making innocent, child things seem wrong and sexualised. But then at the same time, a few yrs later (or even not), allowing overtly sexualised things to be warn or watched (or played with) without batting an eyelid. I shudder to think the kind of messed up messages we are sending our children about sex and sexuality!

Sylvia - posted on 11/21/2012

1,315

8

31

Naked kids on the beach ... I'd be more worried about sunburn, honestly :P But seriously, I think that's an age thing -- I'd have felt quite differently about DD running about starkers when she was two or three than I'd feel about it now. And so would she -- she was quite the little naturist back then but now refuses to even change in the public areas of the ladies' locker room at the pool.

Jenny - posted on 11/21/2012

842

5

24

It wasn't addressed to you specific, it was something I was thinking on and suddenly made a realisation that I wanted to share.



I agree when your young and innocent you don't realise what message your sending. I remember one time I was out somewhere with my mum, I was probably 10 years old eating an ice cream by sucking on it. My mum tried to gently explain to me not to suck on the icecream that way but to maybe lick it instead because there are bad people who could take that the wrong way. I remember being so baffled as to how anybody could possibly take it the wrong way. I'm pretty sure I kept sucking on the ice cream when she wasn't looking because I thought she was over reacting about things which she tends to do. Lol. Now I get it. But I'm not sure its relevant. Should you tell your kid not to suck on an ice cream because it may come across as suggestive?



It kind of takes away the innocence of being a kid, and that's sad.



What about naked kids on the beach? In Australia there is always some family that let's their kid in the water butt naked.

Sylvia - posted on 11/21/2012

1,315

8

31

@Jenny, in case any of that was to my address, I absolutely agree -- there's a widespread belief that rape is about sex, and that therefore you're more likely to be raped if you look young/attractive/sexy/etc., but in fact rape is not about sex, it's about power, and as you note there's absolutely no evidence that one can protect oneself from rape or sexual assault by dressing modestly (or, for that matter, by dressing in a sack or by wearing a burqa). The only thing you can really protect yourself against is the accusation that you were "asking for it" by dressing in a certain way. Which is an accusation people shouldn't make, because it's absurd, but, unfortunately, do make all the time :P :P



And frankly, if you're an adult you should be able to dress any way you want -- as an adult, you should be aware of the messages you may be sending and be (a) able to judge what clothing you are willing to wear in what situations for what reasons and (b) what clothing/appearance can and can't be blamed for. (If you go clubbing with your friends and don't wear your wedding ring, it IS legitimate for guys to think you might be available/looking; but it's NOT legitimate for them to grope you without your consent.)



What someone wears is NEVER to blame for someone else's decision to commit rape or sexual assault. Only "yes" means "yes". I hope I didn't sound like I meant something different!!



Where I do think we have a responsibility as parents is that our kids may not be aware of what their clothing choices are communicating to other people. I also think kids need guidance on clothing choices in a way they didn't when I was a kid because of the way kids' clothes (at least, girls' clothes) have been "adultified." When I was DD's age, although adult women were certainly wearing some pretty revealing evening gowns, for example, those clothing designs were not made for or marketed to kids -- now they are.

Jenny - posted on 11/19/2012

842

5

24

Having the misfortune of being near a rapist is what increases the chances of being raped, regardless of attire. Opportunities for rapists are not so abundant that they can afford to be very choosy. It's situational or compulsion based.

Blame falls solely on the rapist for being sick in the head. Period.



From: http://www.usu.edu/saavi/docs/myths_real...

Most convicted rapists do not remember what their victims were wearing.

Victims range in age from days old to those in their nineties, hardly provocative dressers.

A Federal Commission on Crime of Violence Study found that only 4.4% of all reported rapes involved provocative behavior on the part of the victim. In murder cases 22% involved such behavior (as simple as a glance).

Jenny - posted on 11/19/2012

842

5

24

You know what? Girls are not the only ones to get sexually abused, and I don't see anybody going on about how they need to dress to prevent unwanted attention. It seems like a ridiculous idea to blame boys for their clothing for being victims of childhood sexual abuse.



Unfortunately some people naturally put some blame on the victim if she's a female, that just adds to the over-sexualisation of the female gender. How does it help?



I have a female friend who was molested by a relative when she was age 5-7. Clearly this is not something that you can blame her for!



Best thing we can do as parents is to keep vigil of what is going on with our children, notice any unexpected change in their attitude, notice if any adult is taking too much interest in them, even if it does seem innocent, its worth taking an adult eye to it.



Obviously its more than just about what message we're sending with our clothes, we shouldn't encourage our daughters to think they can prevent rape by dressing appropriately, they should be equipped with other tools and knowledge. It might be more important to teach them about places that are more likely to have predators lurking, or educate ourselves and them about the typical pedophile profile, which is usually not what they'd be expecting (old men in dirty clothing wanting to offer them candy).



I think the only thing to worry about with clothing is about how people judge you, and you decide how important this is to you and your children.

Sylvia - posted on 11/18/2012

1,315

8

31

OK, I have one problem with the OP: On what planet are kids younger than 9 not making their own clothing choices? Where are you guys finding even 2-year-olds, never mind 8- or 9-year-olds, who don't have opinions and choices about what they're going to wear?



That said ... I have those same conflicts. I have a 10-year-old, and she definitely has some friends who wear some stuff that I consider way inappropriate (for anybody, not just for a 10-year-old) -- skimpy bikinis, and halter tops and spaghetti straps, and necklines that would show cleavage if they had any, and pants with suggestive mottoes on the butt, and micro-miniskirts, and t-shirts with naughty sayings ... yecch. (And the stuff I actually see kids wearing is nothing compared to some of the stuff I've seen in kids' stores. Particularly now that DD is in the 7-14 size range -- she was still wearing 6 and 6X a couple of years ago, and it wasn't quite so bad.) So what I struggle with is how to explain "I refuse to buy you that item because it's unbelievably slutty" WITHOUT conveying the idea that it's legitimate to judge people's character or morals on the basis of how they dress, or that "slut" is even a legitimate concept, or that I in any way agree with the notion that girls/women who dress a certain way "deserve" to have bad things happen to them.



It is *not* women's job to look unattractive so that men won't be attracted to us. It is *not* our job to protect ourselves from harrassment, sexual assault, and/or rape by dressing a certain way or behaving in a certain way. Instead of focusing so much on what women and girls can do to protect ourselves from rape, we should be focusing way more on sending the message to boys and men that RAPE IS NOT OKAY.



But ... we live in the real world. People do, unfortunately, judge us on the basis of how we dress (and not just in terms of modest vs. not-so-modest; there are things you don't wear to school, things you don't wear to a fancy party, things you don't wear to a religious service, things you don't wear to a baseball game, things you don't wear to a funeral ...). There are, in fact, ways of dressing that send a message, one that you may not be intending to send, especially if you're, say, 10 years old. And I think we're falling down on the job, as parents, if we don't at least make an effort to steer our kids towards age-appropriate clothing.



I think being a total fascist about clothing is likely to backfire, though. Nothing makes spaghetti straps and miniskirts so attractive as a mom who makes you wear long sleeves and ankle-length skirts all the time :P

Evelyn - posted on 11/18/2012

3,116

7

871

I think that girls 9-15 dressing in those kinds of clothes is not right. They are not really of an age to decide on certain styles. Skimpy clothing is for those that are of age. A 9 year old does not fully yet understand the ramifications that dressing like this can impose. Girls who dress this way also get picked on and called various names I won't put here. Those names mean something to others and can make the reputation for the child when she is nothing more than a sweet and nice girl. Skimpy clothes have their place but not on children.

Laura - posted on 11/14/2012

6

1

0

I have no problem with this either. If a girl wants to be a little sexy, let them.

Sherri - posted on 10/22/2012

9,593

15

387

@Jenny that skirt is way appropriate for work, school virtually anything. That is about the only length I have ever worn even as a 40yr old.

Karla - posted on 10/22/2012

1,555

48

83

Jenny,



Fashion for the last 50 years has had many above the knew classy and fun trends. I'm with most here that say as long as you can functions, (pick up something from the floor) without showing your undies then you are good to go. My daughters like to wear biker shorts under their skirts as well - then they can have their cute skirt, and move freely without worry of flashing someone.



I have trouble with the spandex skirts that I've seen where the person has to keep tugging the skirt to keep themselves covered. It doesn't look fun, comfortable, or appropriate. Also some sheer tops really need full coverage underneath. ;-)



Our school system also has an enforced dress code about the acceptable length of skirts and dresses. That helps keep things decent at school.

Jenny - posted on 10/20/2012

842

5

24

I'm glad to know that skirts above the knee look fine :) , been taught against that all my life.

Momma - posted on 10/20/2012

197

0

5

Kathy --- My daughter (14) still wears shorts under her skirts! LOL Works for me...she really only wears skirts to her school dances but she does not like the idea of anything showing, ever.



The schools here also have rules to lengths of skirts/shorts and types of shirts.



Their skirt must go to their finger tips when at their side, same with shorts. Their shirts must be two fingers wide in the sleeve (so not spaghetti straps), must not show cleavage and they are not allowed to were yoga pants.



~Meme

Kathy - posted on 10/20/2012

151

0

3

Jenny - that skirt is so cool. I would wear it anywhere, and not blink an eye at my 9 and 13 yr olds wearing it.



Around here the school rule is the skirt must come below your fingertips. I personally find that a little high. I also want people to be able to bend over and not have your undies show. That might mean skirts have to go a little past the fingertip.





My 9 year still wears shorts under any skirt that might be on the short side - even my older daughter did until really recently.

Karla - posted on 10/20/2012

1,555

48

83

I like that skirt Jenny, it's just fine.

I don't mind the waist tie top either... as long as it's worn casual, not at school.

Jenny - posted on 10/19/2012

842

5

24

I find some girls here use Halloween as an excuse to dress provocatively. I am not keen on it. - Kathy



Totally agree. Is the provocative dress meant to scare the parents on Halloween?!

Jenny - posted on 10/19/2012

842

5

24

@ Kathty. It almost looks classy, minus the mid-rif showing lol. Maybe on holiday at a sunny resort? I think location makes a difference to how skimpy certain clothing looks.

Dove - posted on 10/19/2012

5,908

0

1336

For an adult? Yes. Older teen? Maybe. Preteen/young teen? I don't think so.

Kathy - posted on 10/19/2012

151

0

3

"http://www.google.com.au/imgres?hl=en&sa...,r:19,s:0,i:128



This I find too skimpy for a 9-13year old, skirt is way too short, even if it is for a dress up halloween party."





Gack. My eyes!



Yes, over the top.



I find some girls here use Halloween as an excuse to dress provocatively. I am not keen on it.

Dove - posted on 10/19/2012

5,908

0

1336

I think I agree with everything you said Jenny. The doll on the right is fine (except the heels). The other two are definitely 'too much' (or too little.. lol).

Momma - posted on 10/19/2012

197

0

5

OMG, Jenny. Those short skorts are definitely slutty and I would never ever allow my daughter (daughters, once this baby is born) wear that, regardless of her age. Under my roof, she would never ever leave home with that on. Gosh, they may as well wear nothing!

Momma - posted on 10/19/2012

197

0

5

Aleks, I have a 14 year old. I am referring to what I wear not being slutty but could still be considered "sexy" by adults - I am near 40, so sexy for my age is not what it would be deemed while on my daughter. What I wear, I would allow my daughter to wear because as I said, it is never tight, revealing or provocative. It would not be sexy on her, it would be dressy.



I don't think I needed an explanation but thanks, anyway. Also, age 13-15 is not preteen nor is it tween. We are talking about that age, as well. ;)



I also agree with Jenny on the pics that Kathy posted.



1. Classy - I would allow my daughter to wear, minus the shoes. This is how I dress, so in my mind is sexy for an "old" lady. LOL

2. Slutty

3. Sexy and not to be worn by a teen.



~Meme

Jenny - posted on 10/19/2012

842

5

24

image 3...questionable, really? Looks fine to me!

To be honest, Image 1, while a little sexy, its more frumpy than anything.



I would say.



Image 1: Sweet

Image 2: agree, on the slutty side

Image 3: Sexy



Thanks for the pics, I'm finding it useful to see what people visually see when they use certain words.



I also agree with someone who said that dressing sexy should not be automatically interpreted as ready for sex. I think dressing sexy (i.e such as image 3) is empowering for a woman, and that's what she'd be trying to put across, an image of being strong, in control and confident. Nothing wrong with that.

Aleks - posted on 10/18/2012

546

0

46

Kathy,

Yes... thank you for providing the images to what I have been thinking and tried to explain.

:-)

Momma - posted on 10/17/2012

197

0

5

I allow my daughter to pick her clothing BUT I am there, too. I have to purchase them, so I do get a say if required (which is rarely, if ever). ;)



However, since I am not a provocative dresser, she has no interest. I do dress sexy but sexy to me is clothing that makes you feel good, which in turn makes you look good. You know, knee length pencil skirts with a nice top and a nice pair of low heels or sometimes my knee high boots. I do not have my tits hanging out nor my ass. It is not skin tight. What I wear is all professionally acceptable (I work in a very professional setting) but damn sexy. So, please do not put "sexy" and "slutty" together, they are completely different. ;)



~Meme

Kathy - posted on 10/16/2012

151

0

3

Thanks for posting Aleks - I had not been looking at this from a societal issue - but more from a parenting issue.



I have a 13 year old. She picks her own clothes. I think picking your own clothes is completely age appropriate for this age group - and saying what they can and cannot wear is a little controlling.



All that being said, my daughter rarely dresses in a way I would describe as immodest - so perhaps it is easy for me to be laissez-faire on dress choices.



However, I do think our society does tend to over-sexualise girls and women - so looking at this from a feminist POV of "do you want to be a part of the sexualising/objectification of women?" is an interesting question.





________________



As an aside...



A few articles on slutwalks (where women dressed like sluts to protest the Toronto law enforcers opinion that "that women who don’t want to be assaulted, raped or otherwise “victimized” should avoid dressing “like sluts.”



http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/2731218....

http://feministing.com/2011/04/05/the-un...

Fit2BMe - posted on 10/16/2012

201

0

14

Well said Aleks. Couldn't agree more that it is a societal problem. Thank you for posting this article.

Claire - posted on 10/15/2012

164

24

2

I honestly dont think that they should be wearing shorts and skirts that their asses are hanging out of and shirts that everyone can see down all the time. I think it invites bad attention and intentions by others. I remember when I was in HS they didnt allow us to wear those kind of clothes, so I am wondering how these kids are getting away with it now

Sascha - posted on 10/15/2012

60

4

20

No way, you're the parent and you need to take the reigns and put your foot down. No skimpy clothes while they live under your roof!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms