Tara - posted on 04/23/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )
I was just thinking about how people go into relationships with certain expectations and how often those expectations go unfulfilled.
I was also thinking about how oftentimes it isn't a matter of one person being a dick or one person being a bitch etc. but often it is simply an incompatibility that has been forced and usually ends up bringing out the worst in both people.
For example, my ex and I used to fight like cats and dogs, a lot of yelling, slamming doors, and swearing at each other. This became the norm for our fights and it did nothing to further our relationship but we each viewed it as our "way of fighting". And while I knew it was wrong and not helpful, I expected it.
I have been in a different relationship for awhile now, we don't yell, we don't fight, we discuss things and we talk. We don't get angry and slam doors or call names etc. we just talk, state our opinions and how we feel and let the other respond, it seems so easy with Steve and I couldn't imagine my ex ever being this way. Different people bring out different qualities in the other.
I was also thinking about how a lot of people assume it's normal to scream and be screamed at, to throw things and have things thrown, to hit or be hit, to feel worthless or make another feel worthless, to threaten the end of their love or to be threatened. I think it's sad when I hear women talk about how their SO calls them names and intentionally hurts them whether it's emotionally or physically.
How many of you here have been in what is defined as an abusive relationship and how long did you stay and what prompted to you to finally leave? Do you have similar issues with your current partner or are things totally different?