SAHM's and money.

Sarah - posted on 07/15/2011 ( 66 moms have responded )

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Does a SAHM have a right to say in how the household money is spent?
For example, if the husband/partner goes and buys himself a new car, or a new tv or something.....does the SAHM have any right to be put out by that?

Or, for example, if the husband/partner scratches the car......or damages it so it needs repairs, does she have a right to be pissed about it, even though it's his money that will be fixing it?

If you're a SAHM, do you have much say on how the money is spent, or do you control the money anyway?

I think I'm in the minority that my money is my money, and my husbands money is his money. Obviously, we help each other out where it's needed, but we have no joint account.
(I'm not a SAHM for the record)

I was discussing some of these things the other day, thought it could make a good debate :)

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I'm a SAHM, and it's our money. He makes the money, and I run the household. Our 'jobs' are both significant and important to our family. I don't make money, but I work hard to save money. I'm very fortunate that my husband understands the value of a SAHM. We even have a life insurance policy on me...so that he can pay for childcare and a maid should anything ever happen to me.

Sherri - posted on 07/19/2011

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@Kelly have $10K-$15K made me spit my drink all over the place LMAO. I am lucky after bills if we ever have $100 in our acct. We will never in this lifetime have that amt. of money. Certainly never to just stash away.

Teresa - posted on 07/15/2011

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I think she has the right to know and to be consulted on expenditures. I am of the mind that all money in the household belongs to both.

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I am glad that you have so much family nearby that are willing to take you in and that you can see so clearly into the future. Not many people are lucky enough to have family near by or in a position to financially support them.

I noted in my post that laws in different places would be different, I was just trying to emphasize that you need to know the laws wherever you are so that you can prepare accordingly.

Krista - posted on 07/19/2011

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Check with your bank or your lawyer, though. I don't know if it's the same elsewhere, but in Canada, joint accounts are also considered financial assets of the deceased, and are frozen until the will is executed. And if the will is contested and goes into probate, you may not be able to access your joint account for many months, especially if it's a complicated estate (ex-wives, business ownership, etc.)

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Angela - posted on 07/20/2011

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Welll I agree that if you can afford to have an emgerncy acct of your own that is a good thing, you don't need to hide it from your spouse. It is just a good idea to be prepared as much as you can.
We did that, in fact before we got married and had a baby I sat down with him and we did the money talk. Being in a country were most if not all documents are in another language I did not understand all the laws...So we got a lawyer drew up a will and I had a translator.
At the time my husband also bought a life insurance policy and I already had mine so I just made him the beneficiary. So even if you can't afford to save many can afford life insurance especially if you are healthy and young.
I can can say that if my husband were to die, I know I would be okay because we took money matters into mind. I have half the house but what good is a house if you cant afford it. Also I would probably have to return to the USA and restart my life again.... so he has a rather large life insurance policy. I can't count on family or friends... so I count on reality!

Stifler's - posted on 07/20/2011

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I've heard that too kelly about the one year of living expenses. Then I added up our living expenses for one year :S There's no way I could have that much money lying around and not spend it lolololol

Sherri - posted on 07/20/2011

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No nothing like that happens here Krista. No one freezes assets etc. Even when my bf's(best friends) father died and he had no will he owned half their house no one ever froze his assets. The only thing that happened she went to court got awarded executor of his estate and any outstanding debt they made deals with to pay in full. End of story.



Actually here if you are married the spouse is automatically executor of the will. Debt that is in spouses name only is usually dissolved and does NOT transfer to the spouse and assets are not frozen.



Yes I know all of this 100% to be true!!!! We have lost enough people in our family. Sadly I know exactly how this all works.

Constance - posted on 07/20/2011

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It is our money. I am a SAHM but I also work from home. I run all the finaces but it is only because he does spend money way too easily and doesn't keep track of how much he spends. So he gets the allowance but if he needs something then I give him how ever much he needs.

I don't make big purchases without him. We discuss everything before things are done.

Krista - posted on 07/20/2011

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@Kelly: You're exactly right. REGARDLESS of whether you're a SAHM or working outside the home, if you share finances with another human being, you can save yourself a world of hurt down the road by informing yourself as to the laws in your area and what happens to your finances should one of you pass away.

Even (especially?) if you don't earn any money, you cannot afford to be ignorant of how it works.

Krista - posted on 07/20/2011

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So if you choose to have an acct for yourself without your husband on it (which I personally would NEVER do) make sure you have a family member or other trusted person on the acct. too in the untimely event of your death.

What would be the point of that? When you die, those funds would still be frozen while your estate is pending. That other person would not be able to access that money either.

Of course, one solution to this is to fly under the radar and keep some emergency cash in a household safe to which you both have the key. That way, if the main breadwinner's assets are frozen pending estate disbursement (or while in probate), then at least the surviving spouse has some cash on hand to pay the power bill and put some food in the fridge.

Lady Heather - posted on 07/20/2011

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I don't live in a state so I don't know what you do and it doesn't really pertain to my life. I have a husband that I do completely trust and I have enough family that I know I will never have to worry if some really bad shit goes down. My husband is not going to let the mother of his children go totally destitute and even if he did (I'm assuming onset of some sort of bizarre mental disorder), I sure as hell know my family wouldn't. I prefer to plan for things that actually have a hope in hell of happening. So I have a plan for if we did happen to split up (like what I would do career-wise and such) and we have extensive plans for what to do if either of us kicks the bucket. I have no plan for my husband turning into some sort of monster who wants me to suffer a miserable existence because I think there's a better chance we will be attacked by zombies.

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I never said or implied that I or anyone should save money behind their husband's back. My husband has always known about that account. He was not offended over it because he knows our probate laws, and he knows that you can never completely trust anyone.

The way joint accounts work in our state, you have the primary account holder, then you add users, who have unlimited access to the accounts. If the primary account holder dies, the account is frozen during probate--which can take up to two years in some states--so if you are only a user, you have no access. If I die, because I am just a user, he still has access to all of our accounts except for that one, but if he dies, I would not have access to anything but my one account, and some retirement & J's college money that I'd rather not access until it matures because of high penalties. I am sure different states have different laws for probate, but you need to know your states laws and plan accordingly. MOST states function the way mine does.

Sherri - posted on 07/20/2011

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I agree with you Jenny. Oh I have marketable skills. Even though I have been a SAHM for the past 11yrs I have a college degree and could go get a job if need be tomorrow.

Jenny - posted on 07/20/2011

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We have a joint savings account and separate chequing ones. He pays all the bills and mortgage and I deal with the groceries. We both have our spending money that way.

My mother was widowed when I was 6 years old and my brother was 10 months. Believe me, life can change FAST and you need to be prepared for that. I spent the remainder of my childhood living in a tiny apartment where my mom slept on a hide-a-bed in the living room and could only work half the year due to where we lived.

I feel it is absolutely vital for all people to maintain a marketable set of skills. Even if you are a SAHM, take a course or something or learn how to make something that can be sold. Anything you can do to maintain some sort of independence and teach your children not to rely completely on others. Yes, I realize it is a family and we all work together but life won't give a shit about that if you are on your own.

Sherri - posted on 07/20/2011

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That is exactly my thinking on it too. My husband would be devastated if I was stashing money away behind his back and I equally would be so hurt and betrayed.

Honestly if I found him doing such a thing it would most likely be the end of our marriage and equally for my husband the other way.

Lady Heather - posted on 07/20/2011

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That's a nice rule of thumb to have, but totally unrealistic for a lot of people. Any of our larger savings are in both names (besides my RRSP which had to be in just my name with him as a beneficiary) and that's the way it will stay. I think my husband would be really hurt to discover I was saving money not just in case of divorce, but in case of divorce plus douchebaggery. I don't know what it would take for him to be dishonourable in a breakup, but suffice to say it would probably be my own damn fault because I assume I would have to cheat or something like that.



I just don't know how you would go about explaining that you wanted the emergency savings in just your name. It wouldn't make any sense for that money to be only accessible by me. The only explanation is a pretty brutal one.

Sherri - posted on 07/20/2011

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Ya well unfortunately we live paycheck to paycheck Kelly. There is never any extra. I am a SAHM and my husband works. We sacrificed so our children never had to grow up in daycare and they always had a parent at home.



Would we like a savings of course but in our situation it just isn't feasible. Is it smart of course but some people aren't blessed enough to be able to do it.



Also I do not think it is smart to only have one persons name on an acct. If you die tomorrow then NOBODY can access that acct. without going to court. So if you choose to have an acct for yourself without your husband on it (which I personally would NEVER do) make sure you have a family member or other trusted person on the acct. too in the untimely event of your death.

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Sorry :P it could be less in other areas. That's pretty low for mine.

The rule of thumb is to keep at least one year worth of expenses in savings. If you loose a job, it can often take years to get another in your career field. If you have high deductible insurance (as most people with pre-existing conditions do) you also need to keep enough to cover the deductible in savings.

We have emergency savings in a joint account, but if you can only afford to have one emergency account, I would recommend putting only the sahm's name on it. You may have to use it for a family emergency, but at least that way it is dual purpose.

Merry - posted on 07/20/2011

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If matt died I'd move in with my in laws while I looked for a job and went to college. His patents have a life ins policy on my hubby so I'd have that but my in laws would be vital both emotionally and financially if matt died.

Merry - posted on 07/20/2011

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Ha, we feel lucky if we have 6k in our regular account! Lol I'd love to have 'extra' money, but unless we win the lottery it's not happening :)

Lady Heather - posted on 07/19/2011

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Yeah, ummm...I guess I have that much in my RRSP which is solely in my name but I imagine the penalty for removing it pre-65 would render it rather useless in case of emergency.

I'm not super worried about something crazy going down and my husband going bananas and cutting me off and crap. I've known him nearly our whole lives and that just isn't going to happen. Even if it did, I think those are the situations where you call on family. I am certainly not lacking in people to help out and a few of them are pretty brainy lawyers. He'd never get away with it.

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I completely agree with Krista E. Joint accounts are wonderful, and are usually easier to manage in a relationship, but every sahm should have an account with her name, and her name ONLY on it.

You don't need much in it, $10k-$15k would be fine. You don't need to do anything with it--I have literally not had a single transaction in mine in over 9 years, other than the automatic interest payments. Hopefully, I will never touch the account, but I know it's there if I need to. No matter how confident you are in your situation, you can never see into the future, and it is always good to be prepared.

Stifler's - posted on 07/19/2011

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I have my name on his bank account and I get his life insurance and superannuation if he dies. He gets mine if I die.

Sherri - posted on 07/19/2011

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Honestly if my husband died tomorrow I do take care of all the finances fine there but he is the bread winner and I have been the SAHM for the past 11yrs. So for the immediate future I would be forced to live off of his life insurance policy until I could get back on my feet find employment and affordable daycare.

Rosie - posted on 07/19/2011

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perfectly said lisa. we are a team, our money is our money no matter who makes the most. i am an integral part of this family-just as much as he is. why shouldn't both of us have equal access to the finances. i honestly find households that aren't equal to be archaic or selfish. i just don't get it.

Lady Heather - posted on 07/19/2011

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I don't think I am too worried about what will happen if my husband dies. I always have a pretty decent sum in my own account and I have enough credit to pay my way for many many months if I need to buy some time that way. My name is on the house anyways, so I don't have to worry about that. Really, the only thing is his chequing account. And my credit abilities are a lot higher than what he's got in there. Meh.

Definitely not a good idea to have no clue what's going on and not have your own credit though. I think there's a difference between not joining accounts and being totally out of the loop.

Minnie - posted on 07/19/2011

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Both of our names are on our checking account. We both have to agree on a big purchase.



It's not 'his' money. If he's paid in money and I'm paid in kisses and hugs from a five and two year old then I guess I have the monopoly on all love from children? He's not entitled to it because he doesn't stay at home with them? Just like I'm not entitled to the money in his paycheck?



We work as a team. His pay is more tangible, but we both are working to care for our family. I'm looking for a part-time job in the evenings or weekends and what I make will go into the joint account as well. And when I'm away the children and house will be his responsibility.

Krista - posted on 07/19/2011

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That's actually a REALLY good point, Angela. I used to work for a bank. And I remember this one poor older lady who came in. Her husband had always had everything in his name, just giving her spending money when she needed it. She didn't even know how to write a cheque.

When the husband died, his assets were immediately frozen until his executor distributed everything according to his will and all of the paperwork was done.

The only money she could access was the $28.42 in her purse. And the funeral director was being a jerk, and wouldn't release the death certificate until he got paid. And she couldn't pay him, because she had no money. But she couldn't get any money, because the executor couldn't do anything without the death certificate. It was terrible. This poor old woman had just lost the love of her life, had to deal with all of the arrangements, and now found herself effectively penniless.

So, a word of warning to all of you who do NOT have your own bank account. Get one. NOW. Even if you just keep a few hundred dollars in there and forget about it.

You just never know.

Angela - posted on 07/19/2011

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I guess for me I want my name on all important accounts in case my husband dropped dead for example... I would not want to be stuck until things were sorted out. Like the needs to be in my name too!

Stifler's - posted on 07/18/2011

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We don't have a joint account either. I use his account for everything and have a copy of his card.

Sherri - posted on 07/18/2011

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I am a SAHM and I manage all the money. I say where and how it gets spent and let my husband know how much we have to spend for the week if anything is left over after bills.



Anything that is a big purchase is a decision we make together.

Sarah - posted on 07/18/2011

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My husband and I have lived together for 8 years now (married for 4) and we've never had a joint account and we never will.

His wages pay all the bills, and the mortgage. My wages and benefits pay for the shopping, stuff for kids, the day to day stuff.
If he needs X amount of money for something, and I have the money for it and he doesn't, then he'll ask me and I'll buy it. The same goes for the other way around.
He wouldn't just take my card and buy it though......I wouldn't just take his card either.

In regards to buying things for ourselves, if he wants, a new top, for example, then he'll just go out and buy it with his money and vice versa. If it was a larger purchase, for example he's recently bought a bike.......he still didn't really consult me on it, he knows whether he can afford or not.
He would only consult me really if it was a really big purchase, and the same for me.

So his money is his, and mine is mine, but we both understand that we have to mindful that if we went and blew all our money, it would effect us as a family.

It's worked well for us so far! :)

Krista - posted on 07/18/2011

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I agree that marriage is a partnership.

Yes, the sole breadwinner is earning all of the money in the family. HOWEVER, that means that this person's money management skills, or lack thereof, will affect the entire family. If that person's poor choices could lead to the entire family being put out on the street, then yes, I think it is only respectful for the earning spouse to discuss finances and large purchases with the other spouse, and to be above-board and honest when it comes to money matters.

Angela - posted on 07/18/2011

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I live in The Netherlands and like the UK we get a child benefit... (kind of like the usa's tax deduction for each kid) just called different. That money along with my tax return goes in my bank account. We have two seprate accts and everything else is joint.
I think the key word is discuss not have to ask permission to spend. I admit I can be a spender at times but the truth is my husband is very tight...cheap and we have got into it. Once he cut me off! I went to the store, used my ATM and their was not any money in it! He did not tell me.
So we had to really talk it all out. We are still working on it but it is now considered our money and our choices together much much better than before!

Rachel - posted on 07/17/2011

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I think than any big purchases need to be agreed on by both parties. I am currently the only one working and my boyfriend gets unemployment but I have both cards ( my bank card and his unemployment card. since he is at home with the kids i can use either to buy what we need or pay bills. If he needs something or wants something he tells me and I will usually just pick it up on my way home from work.

Sal - posted on 07/17/2011

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yes corrine if i had to ask for money as the everyday occerance or i had to justify everything i spent i doubt our marriage would last, i had been a single mum and independant for a long time before my marriage and just wouldn;t cope with that....however seen as mostly i use the debit and credit cards to pay for most things, it is really clear what i am sending and where....i feel you only hide things if you have something to hide

Corinne - posted on 07/17/2011

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We're in the U.K and recieve child benefit (given to all) and because my husband works, we get working tax credit and also child tax credit. My husband wanted this money paid directly to me, so I received my own 'wages'. We both pay into our joint account and the bills are paid through there. We discuss large purchases, and recently sold the car as it was costing waaaayyyy too much. He always asks if I have enough money and gives me his bank cards if I'm taking the kids out for the day.I personally, couldn't cope if I had to ask for money and to justify my spending. I'm an adult, in a partnership with another adult, we both work therefore we share - everything.

Lindsey - posted on 07/17/2011

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Our marriage is a partnership. While I don't bring home a paycheck, I stay at home with our son, clean and maintain our house and yard and make sure the bills are paid, which allows my husband to work away from home for extended periods of time and earn a living. So I "earn" a living from doing all of those things. We each have our own seperate accounts, as well as a joint account, and when I need money for bills, groceries or something for my son or I, I take it.

As far as major purchases, we have an agreement that any purchase of more than $100 is discussed beforehand (obviously doesn't apply to bills, groceries or other necessities).

Women need to have a say in the families finances. My husband is much better with money than I am, so he handles RRSP's, savings, etc. But I always know what is going on with our finances, and always have a say in where our money goes.

Jenn - posted on 07/16/2011

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It is definitely our money. We both decide how much spending money we get and we are both involved in paying the bills as well as big purchases. If something needs repairing, obviously it gets done. For me to be a SAHM, we have to work together as a team since we have one income. I made a very good salary when I worked so when I quit, we had to adjust a lot of our spending habits. It has been difficult at times but eight years into it, we've done very well as a partnership with our finances.

Sal - posted on 07/16/2011

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i am a sahm and i do think that our money, as an aussie, i do get a govt payment seen as we are a 1 income family so by taking that into account then taking daycare out of the equation it works for me....
i don;t think that seperate accounts is a bad thing per say or that a joint account is the only option but i do think that there sould at least be transparency between partners money, sharing the expences (in what ever fashion works for your family) -however i did tell my sister to either get a joint account with her hubby or at least a card or internet access as he was having a gambeling issue and by not haiving to justify his expenses to her he went through about 40 grand in inheritence, not every couple needs that though.....
i don't actually have an account in my name, both in my hubbies, i have my money in one he has his in another and direct debits come out of each, we both have internet and card access t both, i closed mine as there were no brances where i moved too and never bothered to get a joint or another one just for me....as for big expences we make the decision together, just always have.....
and i have thought about what t do if i ever needed to get away (not that i have any need but reading these sites it makes you think) i would transfer money to my sons accunt or my parents....

Lady Heather - posted on 07/16/2011

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Well we have separate accounts and certainly no problems. We just never bothered to join them when we got married. I don't like making bank appointments and crap. ha. It's not like a secretive thing. Well, my holiday savings account is secret but I think he's going to like the surprise.

I'm not sure I understand how having your own bank account dooms your relationship. We've done it that way for 10 years so far.

Jennifer - posted on 07/16/2011

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Actually, I control most, if not all the money. He gives me his check, I cash it and pay the bills. He usually gets whats left. I end up with less 'mad money' than he does. But I'm also the more responsible of the two of us, and I wish thas was not the case. Neither of us would spend more than $20 without mentioning it to the other though. Not 'ask', but discuss.

Vicki - posted on 07/16/2011

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Wow I wouldn't stay with a man who considered it 'his' money alone. You're in a partnership. That includes money. We have only just got a joint account, with our new mortgage setup a joint account was easier. For 12 years we've had separate accounts but have considered both accounts available to each other. When he was studying, I was earning more and paid for more things like our rent. Now I'm working part time (and had 18 months as a SAHM) he obviously earns more but all our money is family money, not individual. We consult each other on large purchases. I keep more of a check on the finances than he does.

Alison - posted on 07/16/2011

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I'm a SAHM and I'm the one that handles the money. Always have. I've actually tried to pawn it off on him because I'm not doing a very good job of managing it, but he won't do it. :O) He's a very good husband and father and sees it as our money.

Amie - posted on 07/16/2011

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Its our money. Always has been. When we first started seeing each other he'd get pissy about me having access to his account and he not having access to mine. I told him if he would remember the damn password and PIN it wouldn't be an issue. (That was the only reason he didn't have unfettered access, he couldn't remember!) I'm not about to write down that info! I can remember his, mine, my brothers, my parents and his parents - he can remember his own and mine. Not that hard. We moved everything into joint accounts when we got married though, makes it easier.

He did put a huge dent in one of our cars one time. He went out with the guys, he drove drunk. He barely escaped my wrath alive. He's never done anything near that bad (and fucking illegal to boot!) again.

I handle our finances because I am better at it. He had me do his paperwork for investments, savings and pension at work too. We have a little come off his check automatically each month to go into his company's stock, some more into other investments, a TFSA and his pension. Then what is deposited, I pay all the bills (from the college funds, life insurance policies, RRSP's, vehicles to household bills), grocery shop, sock more away into a different savings accounts (I have my own separate one, as does he and then we have one more for Christmas) and after all that is done, we have our extra money for the month.

We spend freely of that money. If we need to spend a lot on something, then we let each other know. It did take a bit of getting used to for him. He did not grow up with his parents as great role models in what a healthy relationship is like. (the money was only one of many issues) My parents shared everything, it was never a real problem.

I do worry that Ryan won't know what to do if anything should happen to me. However, my life insurance has more than enough money in it that if he needs to, he can take a bit and pay someone to handle the finances. LOL

Merry - posted on 07/16/2011

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When we got married we joined our accounts, since my bank didn't have any branches in the city we lived in we made a joint account at his bank. I had alot of savings for a 18 yr old and he didn't have much. Reason being, he had already bought a car and was making payments and his parents had him use alot of his one money for his stuff. Whereas my dad refused to allow me acess to my bank account so I simply kept working and saving with no spending.
It worked well because he already knew how to properly manage his money, he knew about making payments and spending wisely. And while I had no knowledge on that I did have alot of money!
So we both worked until Eric was born, I actually made more money then him those two years, but then I went down to minimal hours, and he picked up more. Then I stopped working entirely right before Fierna was born. Nothing has changed since the beginning as far as who spends the money. Matt is still in charge of paying the bills and he keeps track of our account on his iPhone app. I spend very little ever. I buy diapers here and there, and the occasional fast food stop. I buy gas for my car and that's about it. We grocery shop together because we ejoy it and he's great at math so we figure out the best deals. And we do all other shopping together usually be ausd it's fun and there's not too much fun stuff to do in our town!
So if I want to buy something unnecessary ask him if we can afford it.
If he wants to buy something unnecessary he asks me if I'm ok with it.
It's only different because I'm not aware of our savings accounts fluctuations so I'll ask if we are able to spend some fun money, whereas he will not even ask if we can't afford it but if we can then he will still ask if I'm okwith it.
Big stuff is always joint. If he bought a car without telling me I'd wonder if he hit his head because that just never would happen.
It is nice that he keeps regular tabs on our account tho, one time we had a company take out money from our account illegally and he saw it an hour after it happened. He was able to get the police the info so fast they traced the withdrawal and we got our money back!
So it's nice that he's on top of our account. But it does make it tough if I want to buy him a gift....I once had to tell him I'm buying you something and if you see the store I buy it from you will know what I bought so just don't check your phone until after your birthday :)
Sort of ruined the surprise bait but eh whatever.

No I don't have a separate account in case things go south in the marriage. I don't plan for bad things to happen.I do set up reasonable plans for emergencies but just like with my home birth I didn't go to hospital 'just in case' I won't have a separate account 'just in case'
If he became abusive then I'd think the court would rule I get the money we have saved and he would go to jail, and if he died I'd obviously have all the money anyways. So I dontthink there's a need for an extra savings for just me.

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Personally, everyone I have known that has a separate bank account than their spouse has had problems at some point because of it.

Can you elaborate?

I can't really imagine having a separate account from my husband, but just curious what kind of problems it led to with your friends.

Sara - posted on 07/16/2011

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I'm a SAHM and my marriage is also a partnership. While my husband does make the money, it's not HIS money, it's OUR money, so hell yes I have a say in how it is spent! My husband and I have a joint bank account, always have even when working. I think we view it as we have the same goals and we use our money to help us work towards those goals (paying off debt, saving money, etc). We each get spending money every week that we can spend how we please. We both agreed early on in our relationship that we didn't want separate bank accounts, we felt we wanted to be involved with eachother on every level, and sharing money was one of those. Personally, everyone I have known that has a separate bank account than their spouse has had problems at some point because of it.



My husband is an accountant, btw, so he'd go crazy if he weren't the one that paid the bills and everything else every month. He has spreadsheets on everything...it's his thing, so I just let him go with it.

Dana - posted on 07/16/2011

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Well, I'm currently a SAHM. I've always "controlled" (for lack of a better word) the money, regardless of if I were working or not. We have a joint bank account and I'm the one who handles the bills so it just naturally falls that way.



As far as purchases, we both discuss those and neither of us says, "No" to each other because we're both reasonable and not big spenders. If it is a big purchase, it's usually something we've discussed getting for a while anyhow. It works for us and we've never fought over money. I'm always shocked to find that people do, or that it's a number one problem in a marriage/relationship.



*Edited to add* Mary, I too worry that if anything happened to me, he'd be kind of clueless as to how to manage the money properly. :|

Stifler's - posted on 07/16/2011

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I'm a SAHM and even before we had kids together, it was our money. I knew his bank details, have cards to each other's accounts, paid the bills, the rent etc. bought groceries, put money away. Our money paid for our tv, our cars, our bed, everything else and then I got pregnant and if it was worthwhile to go back to work I would but it's not and it's still our money. I stayed home because he was the higher income earner. I'd be pissed off if he damaged our car and had to pay for it, because it disadvantages the whole family and if he goes off and spends his entire pay on shit it disadvantages our whole family. We're a family and we consult each other on everything basically except you know clothes and other small stuff.

Mary - posted on 07/16/2011

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I can't imagine agreeing to be a SAHM if it wasn't completely and totally considered "our" money. There is no way I would leave myself that vulnerable.

I've only been a SAHM for a little under a year. There was a time, right after she was born, where I was the breadwinner in the household. Any source of income, no matter who provides it, is community property in this household, without question.

Although I am not currently working outside the home, I actually control all the finances. I pay the bills, manage our stocks, investments, her college savings plan - truth is, I'm a little concerned that if something happened to me, he would be clueless about what to do. He certainly has access to it all, but seems content (or, more likely, lazy) to let me manage it.

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It was our money when we both worked, and it's our money now that only he works. It has been this way since we were married. I'm his partner, not his dependent.

Charlie - posted on 07/15/2011

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We are absolutely equal with money , there is no such thing as his money and my money , the money in our account is for our family first and split between us *if* we need to or want to spend on ourselves after , for us it is simple and it works but we have had it this way since we first moved in before we even had kids.

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